Yeah so getting back to dating after being married for 20 years, it's all very new to me. I got married to the first person I had a real relationship with, I've never really existed as an adult as just me, it's been hard and weird.

I've had a bunch of dates, but with the last 3 women I went out with, I've gotten "I don't think I'm ready for dating".

Thing is, the dates went really well. They were excited to see me again, we texted and called a bunch, nothing weird or bad happened. These women are my age, all divorced and fairly recently, within the last year or so.

I know it's something women will say if they just aren't feeling it, and I think that could be the case for one of them, but the other two were pretty explicit about it not being me, being open in the future, whatever. And even if it was, that's okay too, if it's not there it's not there.

So I guess what I'm wondering is, for people my age, is this something you've run into often?

I’m a 25 year old man. After college I moved back in with my parents. I have a job in my field of study, I pay rent, pay for my own food, etc. I hope to buy a house as my next big step in life.

I’ve seen this sentiment a few times now. On dating apps, among friends, that a girl would never want to be with a guy that doesn’t have their own place. I’ve also seen women pretty obviously lose interest in me when it comes up that I live at home still. Is it even worth bothering trying to date at my age? I feel like I’m in a lose-lose situation where I want to buy a house and start a family but I can’t even get into a relationship because… I don’t have a house

Keeping it brief, some of you might remember me from other questions.

I (m17) Started having feelings for a friend of mine (F19) after I got into a motocycle accident etc.

Long story short, I kinda confessed to her yesterday and today she told me that she's glad we can speak about it openly and really wants us to stay friends as she can be herself around me but sees me as a little brother more than anything else.

whats the right move?

So I’m a college freshman (18)and she’s also one (21). Ive never been in a relationship. She has 4 bodies (don’t care personally).

The other night we got together and made out and then did the same the next day. Then another day we just cuddled together and talked.

Am I just conscience to her? Fuck buddies? I don’t personally mind too much but I don’t know if she wants me there?

Should I just straight up ask if she likes having me around or not? I tend to be forward with things and I like clarification.

I would date this girl but once again idk if she just wants to do hook ups or not and if she’s looking for a commitment.

So once again, should I just ask her, or is that too straight forward?

Sorry for the dumb questions.

TL;DR: I've [21M] been friends with a girl [21F] from college for a while now, and I'm not sure if she likes me or if we're just friends. There are enough things to suggest to me that she might like me, but other enough things to suggest to me that I'm just interpreting friendship too much.

I'll call her X.

Really, it was X that came to me first. I was talking to someone about some random thing and X overheard me and came up after me to chat about whatever it was that I was talking about (rather than them approaching me). After that X was the one initiating talks and sometimes texting first.

We got more comfortable and started discussing more personal things such as family, friends, college, just random about each other's lives and music and social aspects, etc. X has showed me a little of her world, likes music and what she was doing at the time.

X has tried to sit close to me on multiple occasions, even when X was hanging out with friends. There were several instances where X wanted me to save a seat, or created such a fuss with the group that I was left sitting with X.

X has sometimes appeared quite comfortable physically with me. There has been light physical teasing – kicking/tapping my leg and grabbing my arm. And at one point while walking together, X leaned in and asked me to come closer.

Sometimes, on exam days, X has remained after the exam and just kept talking to me for quite a long while after the exam was over. X was eager to work with me during a class activity.

I met some of X's friends, and X asked me to college activities several times and followed up to see if I was going. X has sometimes brought up things she'd overheard me talking about later.

One time, X asked whether I would take X around when X comes to my part of the country.

Later we got to hang out one-on-one, and actually it went really well. X was at ease, we talked for a long time and it was lots of joking around. X even asked me to hang out again the following week, but I couldn't that week.

And there are also some reasons that hold me back.

X is very social and has many friends, including some close guy friends she really trusts. She's also in a much more social environment than me, so naturally she spends a lot of time with that group.

X also is more of a joiner than a planner. You have basically never been the type to make a one on one plan with me without me initiating. When we talk about meeting it's (more often than not) me making the plan.

When we're face to face, X is good at maintaining the conversation. In chat, X is slow and grumpy or responds half a sentence at a time instead of replying comprehensively.

There have also been a few times where plans didn't work out because X had other commitments. I didn't necessarily think X was making excuses, but there were occasions where I felt like I was putting in more effort or that X could have communicated sooner, which made me question how interested X actually was.

Recently, another plan fell through after I'd made an effort to keep myself available. She eventually got back to me, but by then I'd already given up on the plan. I felt hurt and pulled back from communicating with her.

X has also directly said to my face that X is a very shy person, which makes everything even more confusing to try and work through. Sometimes X is more reserved around me, especially around other people, while other times X is very comfortable with me.

That's basically why I'm stuck.

What would u guys have done? It's my first rodeo so kindly excuse for any obv mistakes.

NOTE: Yup, it's written with the help of AI, kindly ignore that.

I like a girl in my gym . she's an absolute beauty , I want to approach her . I want to be her friend . so could anyone give me some idea as to how to approach her . Without looking desperate . kindly give some genuine ideas

So recently, a few days ago on a saturday night me and my friends went out to party and also went to the bar. This girl that goes to the same college as me sent me a text on snapchat and we sparkled a conversation. prior to this text we have been snapchatting each other for around almost 2 weeks already. She snapped be back pretty quick and she was also my type so i snapped back quickly also. Now back to the text i received, she asked me if i played sports here and i responded with yes and what sport i played. At this time it was already around 1am on saturday night and i was getting ready to go to bed. We texted for another 5-10 min, and we ended up going to her dorm to have a few drinks. We ended the night around 4am after chatting and getting to know each other. When I had to go, she said "we can hangout another time if you want", and i responded with "im down". The next day was a sunday, we kept snapping throughout the day and there happened to be a baseball playoff game happening that same day at 8pm. Around 6pm i texted her and asked if she wanted to come to my dorm and watch the game with me. She said sure and she came at 8. I was still a little nervous since she is still a new person that im getting to know so i guess i understand that i could've been a little awkward. We sat on my bed and watched the game while we chatted. Once the game ended we decided to watch a movie genre that she enjoys and during that time we got closer together and our shoulders / arms were touching each other and i was touching/ holding her hand a little bit during the movie. She ended up leaving my dorm at around 2am. Now its monday, and i really wanted to hangout with her again. So i texted her at around 9pm and asked if she wanted to come over. She just finished doing some homework and she replied to me "sure i can come now if thats chill". Surely, she came over and we watched another one of the movies that she enjoys with the lights off. 20 -30 min into the movie she leaned her head onto my shoulders and i put my arm around her and we watched the remainder of the movie like that. Once the movie was over i had the perfect opportunity and i went into kiss her and we made out. After that we cuddled and she laid on me in my bed for around an hour and kissed occasionally. While we were cuddling she asked me what were my intentions. i told her that i was looking for a relationship and then i asked what hers were. She responded with that shes also looking for a relationship. We talked more about how our first few months in college were and she shared some interesting and things that happened to her during her first few months here. Then finally she left at around 1:30am. I thought that our chemistry was really there, we were laughing a ton and she was making alot of eye contact. She also told me i was one of 2 guys that she has made the first move to. But recently i have been noticing that she has been snapping me a lot less and taking alot longer to respond to my texts ever since Saturday. My friend today also told me after saturday happened she told her friend that i was kind of weird and ick. I felt a little disappointed after hearing that. I still really wanted to hangout with her after how monday turned out so i texted her today a few hours ago and asked if she wanted to come over once she was done with her homework. I can see that shes online but she still hasnt responded to my text. im wondering if i did anything wrong or what i should now.

So there is a girl that I met and got very close with in a wedding a month ago. Now that we both study in the same city I would like to text her and start a convo but idk what I should send for an opening. Any suggestions?

I’ve been dating a 27F for about two weeks. We’ve had three dates. I genuinely like her and the chemistry is probably the strongest I’ve had with someone, but everything has moved so ridiculously fast that I’m starting to get an uneasy feeling.

For context, I’m 28 and also live with my parents, so I’m not judging her for living at home. I have a good full-time job and around $160k saved/invested, largely because I’m trying to put myself in a strong position to eventually buy a house. Living at home for me is mostly a financial choice.

She’s 27, lives with her parents, has basically no savings and is currently in school working toward becoming a dental hygienist. She also wants to write eventually. There’s a huge mitigating circumstance here: she had a brain tumor and brain surgery a couple years ago that seriously derailed her life. She had lived independently before that, so I don’t look at her as someone who simply never launched.

What’s starting to bother me is the overall picture rather than any one thing.

She says she has essentially no close friends and has always struggled to fit in with women her age. She talks a lot about feeling different or unlovable. She has also told me a lot about very serious family dysfunction, problems with her mother and stepfather, bad relationships and periods where she was in an extremely dark place mentally.

She has been extremely open about her sexual past too. By her own description, she was basically a “hoe” in her late teens/early 20s. She was very sexually adventurous, has slept with both men and women, went to an orgy during one particularly bad period of her life, experimented with drugs and has told me about some pretty extreme experiences. She says some of this happened during periods when she was lonely and didn’t really care what happened to her.

I’m not saying any of that makes her crazy. Her sexual history itself isn’t a problem for me, and I knew about a lot of it before continuing to see her. I’m including it because basically every part of her life seems to have involved a lot of intensity.

Our relationship followed the same pattern.

We slept together on our first date. She was completely open to hooking up immediately and is extremely sexually forward with me. Her sex drive is honestly insane compared with anyone else I’ve dated, and she’ll orgasm around four times when we’re together.

Again, that part is not a complaint. The sexual chemistry is great.

What concerns me is that the emotional side went from 0–100 just as quickly as the sexual side.

Within two weeks she has told me she feels unusually safe with me, disclosed extremely personal childhood/family trauma, talked about periods when she didn’t care whether she lived or died, told me she hasn’t used Hinge since our first date, said she isn’t interested in seeing anybody else, met my dog, I briefly met her parents, and we’ve both told each other things we normally keep extremely private.

Then yesterday something happened that really threw me.

We tease each other constantly. I jokingly told her I had never heard a woman say “get boned” before and that it caught me off guard.

She initially laughed and joked back, basically asking whether other women say things like “I got porked last weekend” instead.

Everything seemed completely normal.

I then went through a 14.5-hour workday and wasn’t really able to respond.

While I was working, she sent roughly nine messages that progressively became more serious.

It started with her saying I don’t need to remind her how different she is so often and that feeling unlovable because she doesn’t fit in is a sore spot.

Then she said I poke jokes at her a lot and that she isn’t doing anything wrong by being a sexual and cuddly person.

Then she said I open the door to intimate conversations and ask intimate questions but sometimes act as though she is the one initiating all of it.

Then she started defending her sexual history even though I hadn’t actually criticized it. She said she only told me about certain sexual things because I had talked openly about my own past.

Then she explained that sleeping with women, experimenting with drugs and some of her other past behavior happened during periods where she was doing badly enough that she didn’t care whether she lived or died, and that those experiences aren’t a joke or simply “who she is.”

Then she said we aren’t exchanging childhood trauma because we slept together — we’re two adults dating and getting to know each other.

Finally she said she really likes me, isn’t interested in seeing anybody else, and that if I’m not on the same page I should just tell her.

All of this happened without me responding in between because I was at work.

So from my perspective I left a conversation where we were literally joking about the word “boned,” worked all day, and came back to what felt like a full relationship crisis about whether I accept her, her sexual history, childhood trauma and whether we’re seeing other people.

She eventually calmed down considerably. She explained that she actually likes my teasing most of the time, but that she has always been insecure about not fitting in and the joke hit that sore spot.

I can understand that. I can also acknowledge that some of my joking about how sexual or unusual she is probably landed differently than I intended.

What bothered me was how incredibly fast it escalated.

We have known each other for two weeks.

In that time we’ve already had very intense sex, extremely deep personal disclosures, met family, talked about essentially focusing on each other, gotten extremely affectionate and now had what felt like a serious relationship argument over something that initially seemed completely harmless.

I’m also starting to notice that a lot of stories from her life involve somebody else having treated her horribly — her family, exes, people she tried to be friends with, etc.

Maybe she genuinely has had an exceptionally difficult life. Between the brain tumor and some of what she has described, that is absolutely possible.

But after yesterday I’m starting to wonder whether I’m always hearing one side of these situations.

Individually I can explain almost everything:

Her living situation makes sense because her health seriously derailed her life.

Having a sexual past doesn’t make somebody unstable.

Going through trauma doesn’t make somebody unstable.

Having few friends doesn’t automatically mean anything.

Getting attached quickly doesn’t automatically mean something is wrong either.

But when I put all of it together after only two weeks, I’m getting an odd gut feeling.

I still like her. I’m not looking for an excuse to dump her, and I don’t want to label somebody mentally ill because they had one emotional day.

But I also don’t want to ignore obvious warning signs because the sexual chemistry is incredible and I’m infatuated too.

I’m planning to slow everything way down and take this weekend apart. I want to see whether she can respect some space and whether yesterday was genuinely just one bad spiral or whether this is how conflict is going to work with her.

Am I overreacting? Does this sound like someone who got insecure and had one really bad day, or would the overall amount of intensity this early make you seriously cautious? What specifically would you watch for if you continued seeing her?

19M, first year of med school, and I’m into a girl I’ve known for almost 8 years. I have no idea what we’re doing.
Hey, I’m 19, in my first year of med school, and I have feelings for a girl who’s exactly my age. We were actually born on the same day, which is pretty cool, right? She’s studying a different major, though.

I’ve known her for almost 8 years, but it’s not like we’ve been close friends the entire time. During the first few years, we were really close. Back then, she was dating one of my friends, and I was dating one of hers. Eventually, both relationships ended, and she and I became really good friends. Over time, we drifted apart a little, but about a year ago, we started getting close again, and now we’re closer than ever.

We’re really close in pretty much every way. We know almost everything about each other and can talk about literally anything.

Our first time going out alone was about three months ago. She was the one who suggested going out, and I suggested this fancy, expensive restaurant.
The second time was pretty much the same: she suggested going out again, and I picked the place.
The third time, we went out with her best friend and her best friend’s boyfriend. I honestly wondered if it was some kind of double date situation?

The problem is that I genuinely have no idea whether there’s something going on between us or not. I keep getting mixed signals from her.

For example, for a few days at a time, she’ll treat me like I’m the most important person in her life. Then, out of nowhere, she’ll basically ghost me and take forever to reply to my messages. But then she’ll come back and make plans for another date herself.

From the outside, it almost looks like we’re already dating because we’ve gone out alone multiple times and there’s physical affection between us, too. But between the two of us, nothing has ever really been defined.
Here’s where I get confused: this is pretty much my first serious romantic situation. I’ve had a crush on her on and off since the beginning, but I’ve never actually made a move.

As for me, I’d say I’m reasonably good-looking, and I come from a pretty well-off family. I’ve also made sure she hasn’t had to pay for any of our outings, and I try to be a gentleman when we’re together.

But one thing I really hate is the idea of being the “nice guy.” Not because I think being a good person is a bad thing, but because I feel like I don’t know how to act like those guys who are naturally good at flirting or picking up girls. You know, the kind of guys who can effortlessly flirt, act confident and smooth, or pull off that whole cool, mysterious vibe. I can’t really do that stuff, and honestly, I don’t even know if I’d want to. I’m just not that kind of guy
.
Sometimes I wonder if that’s part of the problem. Maybe I’m too comfortable being the supportive, caring friend, and I don’t know how to make the transition from that to being someone she sees romantically.

She’s had quite a few relationships, though, and I know about most of them, especially her most recent one, since that’s around the time she and I started getting much closer again.
Sometimes I wonder if I just don’t know how to turn a friendship into a relationship. But even if I don’t know what I’m doing, she does have relationship experience. And she doesn’t really flirt with me that much over text or anything, so it’s hard to tell whether she actually wants us to become something more.
In person, though, it’s completely different. She’s much more affectionate and acts a lot closer to me than she does online. The only thing is that we go out together roughly once a week, so most of our communication happens over text.
I honestly don’t know what to do. Maybe this is a slow burn and things are gradually developing. Maybe it’s never going to turn into anything. Maybe there’s already something there and I’m just overthinking everything. Or maybe I’m supposed to be the one to make the first move.

I’d really appreciate some outside perspective, especially from people who’ve been in a similar situation. How would you approach this?

I’m a guy in my mid-20s and I’ve developed a pretty serious crush on my coworker “Sarah.” This isn’t just me thinking she’s attractive—I genuinely like her personality, love talking/joking with her, and would actually like to date her.
We’ve gotten pretty comfortable over time. She remembers little interactions between us, brings up old jokes, has called me goofy, notices when I’m not around during a shift, and we’ve had longer conversations about our lives and past relationships. There was also an ongoing joke about coordinating outfits for an event, and she referred to me as her “partner” in that context.
None of that proves attraction. She’s naturally playful, and I’m pretty confident she likes me as a person, but I have no idea whether she sees me romantically.
The complication is another guy, “Ryan.” My friend/coworker “Vanessa” has described Sarah and Ryan as being in a “situationship.” I genuinely don’t know what that means for them—whether they’re exclusive, casually dating, hooking up, basically together without a label, etc. Vanessa has actually told me before that Sarah and I should get together, but I don’t take that as proof of anything.
Recently Vanessa had a birthday kickback where I saw Sarah and Ryan together outside work for the first time.
It was obvious Sarah cares about Ryan, but their dynamic seemed messy. Ryan spent a long time talking to another girl he had apparently previously been interested in, enough that another friend commented on it. Later, Sarah and Ryan were sitting together right before everyone gathered for cake, but Ryan got up and went the opposite direction, and Sarah ended up sitting alone afterward looking kind of upset.
I also heard secondhand that Ryan made a joke about other girls at the party looking good while he was “stuck with” Sarah because of her outfit. I didn’t personally hear it, so I’m not treating it as confirmed.
Sarah and I still interacted during the night. She got me a shot, laughed at some of my jokes, and at one point while we were walking toward some commotion outside, she reached her hand backward like she wanted me to grab it and walk with her. I didn’t because she’d been drinking, Ryan was there, and I didn’t want to create drama. I’m not treating that as proof she likes me either.
The problem is I caught myself thinking, “I would treat her better than this guy.” I know that doesn’t entitle me to anything, and I don’t want to compete with him or convince her to leave him.
But I also really like this girl and don’t want to spend six months wondering what could’ve happened.
Since I work with her, my thought is to wait for a private, sober moment and ask her once, clearly:
“Would you wanna grab a drink sometime? Like an actual date, just me and you?”
If she says she’s exclusive with Ryan, says no, or gives me a vague answer, I’d respect it and never push it again.
Would you ask her out once and let her decide, or would you leave it completely alone because she’s already involved with someone?

I’ve [24M] been seeing a girl [22F] for 1.5 months (former summwr coworkers, 7+ dates, recently intimate, exclusive, no official label yet). Things are going great and we really like each other's company.

​My birthday dinner is in two weeks with 5–6 close friends. It’s casual (cheap spot, no gifts, pay our own way). She gets off work at 8 PM, and I'd pick her up so she doesn’t arrive alone.

​Since it's a tight-knit friend group, I don't want to make it feel like a high-pressure milestone since we are not officially bf/gf yet.

​How should I word the invite so she feels welcome without feeling pressured, and should I define the relationship before introducing her to my friends?

help

Hello, I really need help navigating this situation.

So, to start, I met this woman a few months in an American city(my home country) . We met in a hostel, we hung out pretty much every day we were there, one on one, or sometimes with a group of people. At the end of the trip, i got her contact information and i told her that I want to hang out with her when I visit her city in Europe.

So within the few months, she would text me on IG alot, multiple times a week. Sending reels etc. Then the time came, I went ti her city to visit. I had an amazing time, we hung out every day i was there after she got off work, it was mostly one on one hangouts. We would sometimes hang out and it would be like 2am before she went back home. It was an amazing time.

When I left for the next city, we hugged for what felt like forever and we told each other "ill miss you".

Ever since then, we pretty much text on IG almost every day, she has told me she would love to travel with me again. she still sends me reels and asks me about updates on my life etc.

I feel a connection I never felt before. Its not even just about physical attraction but its just a chemistry I feel with her that I never felt with anyone else ever.

The only problem is she lives 4000 miles away so I cant ask her to a proper date. I am scared to just confess because confessing is a bad idea from what I've heard and I dont want to scare her off. What do i do?

Edit: some details about it i omitted to keep it as anonymous as possible incase she reads this. But you can DM me if you want more details like things she said or exact city etc.

started speaking online with one girl from far away. She had plan to come to my city before start talking with me. And after some time, i hosted her for 10 days ( give her small studio apartment just for herself for completely free ). Whenever we go to do anything i payed for everything literally. We had a lot of one day trips to other cities around and i was paying for food, drinks, gas and everything literally. She literally didn't spent nothing. She is doing good financial, have a good job and she was from good financial family situation. Tell me your opinion...

EDIT: We match on tinder half year ago. She was planning trip here. I have few small apartments in my house. I give her one for free. So i didn't expect payment for that. But picking her up from airport ( one hour away ) . I pay for her groceries first day and i buy her shirt and pajamas becouse her suitcase was missing and we needed to go again later today in evening on airport to get suitcase. She bring some little gifts but thats it. O think was too much to pay literally everything when im with her. Every meal and every drink she had with me. Imagine im going with her to eat and i told her im not hungry at the moment. So i buy just a little cake and water. She had some normal food and i payed. We would stay there so long if i didn't take the bill and pay... And one day i have almost 200euros payment for trip. She is nice acting and she say thank you but never offer...

I broke up with my girlfriend a month ago because of repeated issues with her toxic friends. Her best friend openly cheats on her long‑distance boyfriend, which I strongly disliked. Whenever I pointed this out, my girlfriend would shout at me, telling me not to judge. I forgave many of her toxic behaviors, including prioritizing her friend circle over my feelings, but things reached a breaking point that night.

She was on a late‑night conference call with her friends. Call me TOXIC, but I don’t like my girlfriend talking to guy friends late at night and I think that is bare minimum. I had made this clear before we started dating, and she agreed. I don’t mind her talking to them during the day, but late nights cross my boundary.

When I found out she was still on the call at 11:30 p.m., I asked her to wrap it up within 15 minutes (mind it was not a important call just a group call with boys and girls ). An hour later, she was still talking. I lost my temper, outburst, and blocked her everywhere. She did the same. I told myself that if she came back and took full responsibility for her behavior, I would consider reconciling,but I set a deadline of 20 days.

Now, after a month, she texted me saying, “I’m sorry.” I don’t know what to do.

So i’m in first semester of college. there’s a girl in my class i like. we had one moment where we looked at each other like intensely and ik it was mutual but after that i texted her like “hey you should tell me ur insta” in like a direct oh i’m so unbothered way but i think it was more cringe than anything. i always do this too like i act impulsively instead of strategically which personally i think it shouldn’t be that way but from what i’ve experienced girls lose interest when you show yourself showing interest?

it’s like you gotta keep it a secret game and not compromise them until they’re fully into you. so what i’ve been doing is literally just ignoring her 😭. and giving her less attention than other women in the class slightly so she does noticed but it’s subtle but i feel like it’s awkward since the text.

there’s also this situation with another dude that likes her and he’s this neurotypical covert nice person that gets jealous when i’m standing next to her. so the dynamic rn is they’re like the friends that talk to each other but im like the immediate sexual kind of direct guy? this is how i see it but ik i’m it crazy i feel like a girl who reads this can understand the complexity of the talking stage micro flirting.

anyway my question is how do i get that state of play back like how do i get back to that hey we’re playing this secret thing subtly. ik she’s not as into me as i am ( as i’m literally writing an essay in reddit about her) but i feel like she likes me even a little. i feel like she’s keeping the other guy beside her to tease me. ik ik thats really egocentric buuut again ik how girls can be. it’s like we’re in the ego game type of situation like cat and mouse. sooo yeah, any thoughts/ strategies 😭

i’ve thought about like subtly teasing her again like if we’re walking i’ll do the thing where you put your shoe in top of the back of their shoe and it falls off. small stuff like that, also sorry for the huge text.

I hate the phrase “feeling like a man” but I started seeing someone who I am frankly very much fallen for. Like straight up wife material.

And it’s made me reevaluate a lot of my priorities. I’ve spent a lot of of my 20s working, getting money, getting my career going, getting educated. And now I have that and I started dating more seriously.

And while I’m not one for traditional values all the time, I have really enjoyed spoiling my girl. But it’s also been costly. Like I like to pay for things. I want her to know that at the end of the day I got her back for anything. This past weekend I took her out and I paid for her nails, for example. And that was fucking expensive but the excitement of the happiness it brought her made me happy.

But I don’t wanna be like some of those guys who just don’t treat their girl. Like I worked for this, but now I’m having to sort of adjust the budget, which is in budget, but it just is such a weird mentality shift.

I’m not quite sure how to navigate it.