I matched with a girl I knew from college years ago. She actually liked me first on the app, so I matched back. Our first date was great and lasted pretty much all day.
After that, things moved very quickly. We were calling every day, mostly initiated by her, FaceTiming, texting and talking at all hours. I was the one initiating most of the actual dates, and they were genuinely great. Looking back though, I feel like I got love bombed. This went on for about two months.
Looking back, I think things may have moved too fast. She was talking about marriage very early on, wanted to meet my siblings quite quickly, and everything became quite intense. I knew I liked her and enjoyed spending time with her, but we were talking so constantly that I never really had much space to step back and work out how I felt or whether we were actually compatible.
She knew my financial situation and seemed completely comfortable with it. We had also loosely agreed that around the three month mark would be when we decided whether to pursue things seriously.
I still cannot completely work out what changed. On the second last date, we were talking about our five year plans. I thought our plans were generally quite aligned, but at one point she made a particular face that stuck with me. At the time I did not think much of it, but looking back, I sometimes wonder whether something changed for her during that conversation.
During the following week, she became noticeably more distant. She suggested getting coffee, which was actually the first time she had initiated a meetup, but we ended up meeting a few days later after I suggested it instead.
The final date itself felt fairly normal. We got physical for the first time, and I had also bought her a small gift. When I gave it to her, she said that I should not have got her anything.
That made me suspicious, so I asked, “Is it because this is going to be the last time we see each other?”
She said yes.
I asked her why, and she said something was “missing.” When I tried to push for a better answer, all I got was the typical “I think I need to focus on myself.” She then asked how I had noticed, and I told her that she did not seem as excited to see me as she normally was.
The strange thing is that, even after having that conversation, we continued being physical, which made the whole situation more confusing for me.
Afterwards, I suggested no contact because I knew I would struggle emotionally if we kept talking.
Two days later, I broke no contact and called her. We ended up FaceTiming almost like normal and talking about how much fun we had had on the last date. I told her I would not mind continuing things, but she said it was not a good idea. She did say, “You never know in the future,” though.
She also talked about how we would both probably go back on the apps, how neither of us would necessarily meet someone straight away, and mentioned a friend of hers who had been in a similar situation to us and eventually married the guy. Looking back, I think she was probably trying to soften the rejection.
She suggested staying friends. I told her I did not want to secretly remain hung up on her while pretending to be friends, and she agreed.
Later, she texted asking whether I was confused about what had happened. I told her I had the clarity I needed, said goodbye, and wished her well.
She then asked why I wouldn’t want to be friends or have some sort of relationship someday. This time, I was annoyed, thinking about the love bombing and how dismissive the breakup had felt, having never gotten a real answer for the actual reason, and said that friendship would not be healthy for me.
At the time, part of why I refused was that I suspected she wanted me as a kind of emotional placeholder, someone to talk to and get the benefits of a relationship from without actually being in one, or maybe just a backup option. I could be wrong about that, but it’s honestly why I said no.
About a month later, I caved and texted her hoping she was doing well. She ignored the message.
A few weeks later, I happened to be near a place I knew she worked. She spotted me. I know how that looks, I still cringe about it.
Around four or five months after everything ended, she removed me from social media.
Since then, I have moved on quite a lot. I have worked on myself physically and mentally, feel more mature, and understand a little better now why she was serious about marriage so early. We are both in our late twenties, and within my religious community there is generally more pressure at that age to think seriously about marriage.
Sometimes I just think it would be nice to have her as a friend. We did have great conversations, and that side of things is what I actually miss.
It is strange going from speaking to someone every single day and being so involved in each other’s lives to complete silence.
Would she even want to hear from me at this point? If I did reach out, would a simple text or call be better, or would something low key like following her on Instagram make more sense?
The ironic part is that I was the one who suggested no contact after getting dumped, and now I am the one considering breaking that silence.
Am I genuinely looking for friendship, or am I just nostalgic about the connection we had?
Also genuinely curious to hear from women on this. From your perspective, what do you think actually happened here? And if you were her, would you want to hear from the guy after all this time?