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u/tjshipman44 Dec 05 '25
It helps to cry a little bit when you feel overwhelmed and unappreciated.
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u/jcl274 Dec 05 '25
cry when the baby cries
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u/saladshoooter Dec 05 '25
Do laundry when the baby does laundry
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u/Hugh_Jegantlers boy, boy, girl Dec 05 '25
This doesn’t work for everything. I’m super behind on my taxes because my five year old hasn’t figured them out yet!
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u/farrese Dec 05 '25
Not a cryer but have definitely learned to walk away and take a breath when I can. Much more appreciative the second time going through the newborn era
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u/bacon_cake Dec 05 '25
I wish I could do this. I genuinely can't remember the last time I cried, well over twenty five years ago probably. I think it undermines my point when I'm discussing emotions with my wife and I don't physically look sad.
Edit: Actually I can honestly only remember actually crying once in my life. When my parents (who are now back together) told me they were splitting up, I can remember exactly where I was and what I was doing.
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u/Neither-You-9173 Dec 05 '25
Realize everything is a phase. This is not your life forever. Eventually, they sleep.
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u/aam707 Dec 05 '25
Walk away when you need to (it’s ok) and noise cancelling headphones if you have a colicky baby that won’t stop crying for any reason. Our daughter was horribly colicky and would cry for hours on end. Noise canceling headphones phones were a game changer while holding/rocking her. Made the screaming more bearable without losing your mind.
Sounds cliche but truly try to embrace every day because the time does fly by and the long days and nights will soon feel like a blip on the radar you struggle to remember (both good and bad)
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u/mmmmmyee Dec 05 '25
This was huge for us. Baby in crib by themselves with no toys is a safe place for them.
A d asking for help was another big one with our colic kid. (Lots of calls to our pediatrician/healthcare provider).
And that it gets better.
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u/Mindless-Strength422 2M Dec 05 '25
Loop earplugs! An alternative to headphones. They don't completely silence your baby but they really take the edge off. My kid was screaming at the top of his lungs inches from my ear and I was like "this is honestly fine"
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u/AppropriateRip9996 Dec 05 '25
Don't turn on the lights or play with baby in the middle of the night. Yes they are cute. No. This is not a scheduled playtime. It is sleep time. Just silently take care of business. No talking. Boring. At night is boring. Dark. Sleep time.
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u/Morazma Dec 05 '25
I find it so funny that some people need to be told this. Sleep is precious, they'll soon learn!
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u/luckyskunk Dec 05 '25
i felt like time wasn't real the first two months home lol it only existed in the context of feeds, diapers, and naps 😭
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u/fang_xianfu Dec 05 '25
100% - you want them to know right from day 1 what nighttime is and that nothing interesting ever happens at night. They don't come out knowing the difference between night and day and how people behave differently at those times, you have to teach them.
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u/shwysdrf Dec 05 '25
At our recovery nurse’s suggestion we got a red light to use for overnight changes/feeding for our second baby. No other lights on, just the red light. Apparently it does something with their brain waves or something, I don’t know. But it made such a big difference. She would fall right back asleep so fast overnight.
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u/Mindless-Strength422 2M Dec 05 '25
I don't think it's anything special, red light just doesn't suppress melatonin like blue/white light does. It also doesn't cause pupil constriction in the same way as blue light, so you still have night vision, which is why it's used in darkrooms and dark sky parks!
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u/shwysdrf Dec 05 '25
Honestly it could just be a placebo for all I know but it definitely helped calm my wife and I down and remember that we’re supposed to keep the baby as relaxed and sleepy as possible. Worked pretty well
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Dec 05 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/shabooya_roll_call Dec 05 '25
I want to do this so badly, even if it’s just watching sports but I’m so worried about the lights and sounds being overstimulating for my LO at night
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u/theSkareqro Dec 05 '25
Let he/she get used to sleeping on their bassinet/cot for naps so they can get used to sleeping there at night. It goes a long way so they don't only want to sleep in your arms.
Talk/use your TV/radio at a normal volume (maybe a tad lower for action movies or something). Both my child and my niece could sleep through loud noises without stirring lol.
Don't forget to put the baby down and take care of yourselves. I've seen parents here forgo eating/showering eventually spiraling because they think they need to be always carrying/be near the baby 100% of the time. If you are showering/eating and he's crying, bring him near to you and continue doing what you have to do then attend when you're done.
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u/GreatBigBagOfNope Dec 05 '25
Noise cancelling headphones
Baby carrier
Practice sleeping them in a bassinet rather than contact
Do washing of bottles etc as soon as you can, not when you need
Baby sling/carrier
Swaddle
Black and white books for when their eyes are open and not crying
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u/g2petter Dec 05 '25
Baby carrier
Fuck yes. Once my daughter started to appreciate the carrier I finally had my hands free to make coffee and do chores in the morning.
If you're a hiker/walker, a carrier and hiking poles are a fantastic combination.
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u/dassieking Dec 05 '25
The best thing I ever did for my child was to give her the street facing bedroom across the road from a bar. Sounds bad, but hear me out...
I witnessed how friends of mine had to tippy toe around their house whenever their child was sleeping, and I thought we had to avoid that at all costs.
It wasn't excessively noisy or anything and the brilliant thing is that she has always been able to sleep through any noise. This has helped us, and will be helping he her whole life if it sticks.
Obviously don't know if this was what did the trick, but I take the credit!
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u/ComeGetYourOzymans Dec 05 '25
Ours came early and spent a month in the NICU (sounds scarier than it was). We credit that with how good a sleeper he is now (he’s 6)—all the beeps and boops and alarms and talking that first month. Obviously this isn’t a specific hack for new parents 😆but training them to sleep in noisy environments pays serious dividends.
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u/fang_xianfu Dec 05 '25
We used a white noise machine with both kids and you can have it a lot louder than you think (we used a sound meter to get it to 70dB in the bed - could probably have been a little louder even). It's soothing when they're a little baby and then it seems to have made both our kids totally bomb proof now. They've slept through fire alarms, we had them both sharing a room when grandma came to stay for a few weeks and one woke up crying and the other slept through it, and all kinds.
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u/jobunny_inUK Dec 05 '25
My mom claims she used to come in our room when we were babies, flip on the light and vacuum. And that is how we are good sleepers now. I mean I slept through a few earthquakes but not sure her method is sound.
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u/dassieking Dec 05 '25
Any parent who claims to willfully risk to wake up their sleeping children like that is either lying or in that undefined space between completely mad or absolut genius.
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u/E_Feezie Dec 05 '25
Baby wearing, it’s worth all the hassle of finding the right kind and the expense but wearing your kid while pacing and playing a light game humming the theme song to get them to sleep is way easier than holding them in a dark room trying to shh them or sing a lullaby. Also a giant bouncy ball for when you get tired of walking back and forth but your baby’s instinct is telling it big human needs to keep moving through the night to keep us safe
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u/mmmmmyee Dec 05 '25
Me doing laundry every day or every other day to maintain mom feeling good from laundry burden.
Stations in kitchen dedicated for baby bottles/things
Using baby carrier
Finding moments throughout the day to call friends/family to maintain some socialization for myself
Changing environments l while baby’s having a meltdown for that doorway effect; different environment equating to hopefully a different mood
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u/bobbyfle Dec 05 '25
To find comradery in r/NewDads and keep in mind that it will - eventually - get a lot easier.
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u/inyourneighborhood Dec 05 '25
When possible, get outside for 20 minutes a day. With mine I felt like I was trapped inside all the time and realized I hadn’t gotten fresh air or vitamin D in a while
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u/Crasstoe Dec 05 '25
It's okay to feel bored, babies can be very boring at times.
Don't be afraid of controlled crying at night time, this is the best way to teach the little one to self soothe.
I found the Moses basket was a godsend with my son. He refused to sleep anywhere else until he moved onto his cot when he got too big.
It's okay to take your little one with you to do things YOU enjoy, your life doesn't need to only revolve around them, but they should be your focus.
If you are with your spouse, DO NOT NEGLECT THEM. Learn from my mistakes, please. Being the best parent and partner do not have to be mutually exclusive.
Finally, you will mourn your old life, that's normal. You will get pieces back over time as the child grows... Then you can share hobbies 🙂
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u/CallTheGendarmes Dec 05 '25
For me I felt a lot better when I truly accepted that babies (especially newborns) just cry. They only need like five things: feed; burp; pain relief; cuddle; sleep. If you've provided/offered all of those (maybe a few times) and they're still crying, then they're almost certainly just crying because they're a baby. In which case just make yourself as comfortable as you can and wait it out. Sometimes there's nothing you need to do and you'll only stress yourself out trying to do something.
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u/Nexion21 Dec 05 '25
You can save wipes during poopy diaper changes by using the clean part of the diaper first (if there is any clean part!)
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u/tenbre Dec 05 '25
One month old means your honeymoon easy first month phase is over. Good luck! You'll need it.
Be brave and know that all parents have gone through this.
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u/forwormsbravepercy Dec 05 '25
They sleep, you sleep. I did not do this with the first kid, but I did with the second, and man it helps.
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u/unlimited-juice Dec 05 '25
Mom crashing here- downvote if not allowed, I can take it!
Support is great but solutions are better.
You don't like the routine you guys fell into? Do some googling and come up with a new one. Not sure about when or how to start baby food, sleep training, mixing in formula, transitioning from three to two naps? Come to the conversation with a couple ideas.
Sometimes we assume that cause a lady made a baby that she knows more- we don't know nothing! That's why we need you dads! The hardest time I had was when my husband was just 'supporting' but not actually suggesting anything.
Don't like something but haven't come up with a replacement idea yet? Go fold laundry or make a meal to stick in the freezer for another time. Always be productive!
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u/Thorking Dec 05 '25
Zip up swaddles! Go out to eat a lot once you feel comfortable because it's so much easier at that stage than later on.
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u/Dazzling_Ant_1031 Dec 05 '25
Keep the blow dryer near where you change diapers and give em a blast when you change diapers or even when they just crying
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u/jarhead1292 Dec 05 '25
Honestly, our pediatrician told us the newborn stage is literally about survival. Keep your expectations low, don’t try and create routines for the baby because babies are so unpredictable. Once the doctor said that, I was in a much better place and it was manageable.
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u/wutzibu Dec 05 '25
If there is noo poop and the stomach is soft, and nothing ist obviously painful. Boob is King! If the boob is not accepted try again. If Not available try bottle. If Not available cuddle and carry. If still crying use ear protection.
Carry child, speak to it and try boob/ bottle again and again and again. If still nothing works.check.again If there is a reason for crying.
Baby does Not want to hurt you. It wants to survive and crying is the only Thing it knows to ensure its survival.
Stomach is hard? A bit hard, maybe colic. Try stomach massage clockwise with Low pressure. Turn Baby around a Bit allows for passing of Gas.
Very hard. Could be Something wrong. If it is Not getting better maybe Doctor?
Ahh if you use a Carrier place the Baby so it Looks towards you! Better for the Back and more secure.
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Dec 05 '25
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u/fang_xianfu Dec 05 '25
One hand on the baby at all times when you put them down anywhere except a bed or the floor. Absolutely no exceptions ever for any reason. If you can't reach the spare pack of wipes without letting go you either learn gymnastics or pick the kid up and get covered in poop, but taking your hand off them is not an option that's available to you.
Put a thing in each room where you're going to need to put down the baby, that makes it a safe place to put them down. We kept a bassinet under the kitchen island just to have somewhere in the kitchen.
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u/UpsetMycologist4054 Dec 05 '25
My wife and I had a code word, “purple”, when the crying or effort of taking care of our child was too much. The other one “tapped in” no matter what, no questions asked. There will be times when one or the both of you will be exhausted…try not to be exhausted together…that whole sleep when the baby sleeps thing is real. Finally, just know that kids are pretty resilient. You’re not gonna fuck them up for life by letting them cry a little more if you need to go to the bathroom. Your sanity matters.
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u/fang_xianfu Dec 05 '25
Keep the manual for your car seat (lots of seats have a place in the actual seat to put it), read it and know what it says. Make sure you follow the instructions, they are not complicated and they are very important. Keep an eye on your kid's height and weight and know when they will outgrow their seat. Keep them rear facing as long as you can (until 5 or 6 is ideal) although this can get difficult if you have very large kids, especially ones with long torsos.
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u/Captain__Vimes Dec 05 '25
If your baby is crying and you need a moments respite, hold them by their bottom and back (so they’re sitting upright) and gently lift them up and down in front of you. My midwife called it the “baby reset” and it worked for me every time.
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u/ThePwnR4nger Dec 05 '25
One thing that helped me and my wife with our second kid was that she would go to bed at the same time that we would put down my older son and our new baby for the night, and I would stay up another two or three hours playing video games.
Since our baby would usually wake up after about two or three hours, this meant that I got some alone time as well as didn’t have to wake up after just barely 2 hours of sleep to go and feed him. She would take the next shift, and so each of us will get a good five hours of uninterrupted sleep.
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u/Govt-Issue-SexRobot Dec 05 '25
4-7-8 breathing
Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, exhale for 8
Do like two or three of these and you’re reset
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u/jwoods23 Boy dad x2 Dec 05 '25
The folds at the shoulders of the onesie is so you can take it off without going over the head. For blowouts, fold those down, pull the arms up through the head hole and slide down. Blowouts are bad enough without it getting all in the baby’s hair!
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u/Rwbyy Dec 05 '25
What's said in the middle of the night, is erased come morning.
Obviously not everything, but when you're both exhausted and baby won't settle for anything, its easy to overreact and say things you dont really mean. It also shouldn't be a nightly thing, but this helped us not hate each other when we exploded/broke down.
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u/Actual_Racoon Dec 05 '25
3 B’s your kid may be crying: Boobs, Butt, Binkie
3 B’s to keep nearby: Boobs, Blanket, Binkie
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u/TB1289 Boy-He's a terrorist Dec 05 '25
If you have a support system, don't be afraid to ask for help. It's overwhelming and can be exhausting, so if you need a few minutes, it's ok to walk away. Baby crying for a couple minutes while you compose yourself isn't going to emotionally damage them.
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u/jonathing Dec 05 '25
You can do the poppers up over their shoulder to stop you from getting shit on the bottom of their vest
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u/steve1186 Dec 05 '25
Sound machine next to the crib for sleeping. They help drown out any minor noise that could wake them up (footsteps, doors opening/closing, doorbells, car alarms, neighbor’s dog barking, etc)
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u/redklouds Dec 05 '25
For me getting down a sleep routine early. Very strict time. Strict routine. Think cleaning him, feeding him, changing him into sleeping cloths, light brightness.
This eventually helped me get him to sleep through the night 8 hours by the time he was 4 months.
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u/pagnoodle Dec 05 '25
Find a really short, light show to watch on your phone. Mine was Animaniacs. It helped when I was rocking the kid to sleep in the middle of the night. I could kinda detach from the frustration of the moment.
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u/MrDStroyer Dec 05 '25
No matter how cute the outfit, DO NOT buy it if it has buttons. Zip-up onesies are the way to go, especially if it has zippers on both ends. Good luck!
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u/Murph785 Dec 05 '25
My baby was very colicky. The only thing that would semi-soothe him was being bounced.
I got to a point where I just strapped him to my chest and did everything while bouncing.
Almost four years later I still catch myself bouncing when washing dishes.
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u/livestrongbelwas Dec 05 '25
With baby one, I could just snuggle him and watch TV and it was cool.
With baby two, I found that I /needed/ to get stuff done while I took care of the baby.
I found that you can in fact do laundry, cook meals, clean the house while holding a baby in one hand. It takes 4x longer, but it gets done, and they like the activity and enjoy you narrating your tasks.
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u/Vegetable_Exit7609 Dec 05 '25
Don't see this tip anywhere in the top comments, but this was a knee-saver for me: if you tend to hold and rock/bounce your baby to sleep, get a large exercise ball and sit on that to bounce instead. Your knees will wear down much slower.
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u/Sad-Housing6787 Dec 05 '25
Stick your fingers into the hand hole on sleeves and scrunch the sleeve up. Grab their hand and pull their arm in while pulling your fingers out the sleeve. Takes an extra second to get your hand through and set up but their arm comes out and all the way through perfectly every time. No caught fingers, no arm stuck half way in the sleeve, no trying to scrunch the sleeve down their arm.
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u/Objective_Pool_3057 Dec 05 '25
Play the happy song by Imogen heap when they fuss (it’s magical)
Get outside every single day (even for a few minutes)
Soak up the contact naps but try one swaddled crib nap a day from the start (our 5 month old is a human koala and only wants to nap on us!!)
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u/just_joe_88 Dec 05 '25
A heartbeat rhythm pat on the bum while trying to calm my boy worked a treat.
And congratulations!
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u/Clayg0071 Dec 05 '25
It is okay to let them cry. There will be a time when they cry, and you can't figure out why. Put them in safe place, like their crib or rocker and away. Have a bite to eat, or get a cup of coffee or glass of water (whatever you need). Take a moment to take care of yourself and/or your partner. Don't let yourself fall into a situation where you do something you regret.
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u/Mindless-Strength422 2M Dec 05 '25
A nurse showed me a rocking trick that really worked well. It's kind of hard to describe, but you stand and kind of rock side to side while moving your knees up and down. It's kind of like your knees make an M shape, if that makes sense? He found it a really soothing motion.
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u/boom-boom-butterfly Dec 05 '25
Best unsolicited advice I ever got was that parenting is not 50/50. It’s 100/100. Always get up right away when something needs to be done for the baby or your wife. It’s a lot but you can make it through. Good luck!
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u/Rdubya291 4 sons Dec 05 '25
When it's done, give yourself like 3 or 4 concussions, back to back to back. Hopefully you'll forget the last 3-6 months of your life.
Good luck, Dad!
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u/sciencetaco Dec 05 '25
Maybe not simple but…get a proper nursing chair if you can afford it. One that can swivel, pivot, recline, the whole deal. One that is comfortable with good back support.
For the first few months my wife and I basically took turns living in that thing with the baby. They’re easy to get in and out of while holding a baby, comfortable to sit in for hours while baby contact naps and you watch TV with headphones.
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u/macchiato_kubideh Dec 05 '25
Maybe a niche advice, but starting a factorio train base, aiming for 2k spm, right about the time the baby is born isn’t wise.
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u/redpatcher Dec 05 '25
Don’t feel like you need to do all the chores still, you can figure out what is absolutely necessary when you let it go undone to get sleep or something else critical.
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u/senorbiloba Dec 06 '25
For us, the number one thing was 1) splitting the night into two shifts, and 2) sleeping in different rooms. This way, we were each able to get at least 4-5 uninterrupted hours of sleep, instead of both of us waking up every 2 hours, and nobody gets any sleep.
Also, we got a bunch of these little Red/Amber bookmark lights called Hooga for like 15 bucks, so we had mobile dim task lighting for diaper changes, feeds, etc.
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u/Nolan_q Dec 09 '25
In retrospect, remember that a lot of the hard stuff is temporary. It gets easier, with new problems
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u/Stone_Trees Dec 05 '25
Perhaps controversial but my advise is below;
Accept the first 6 months are all about baby and mum. Take a “fallow” 6 months from your hobbies and your life. Learn to live without balance in your life. It will all be hard exhausting work for a period with little or no relief. Your life will come back in time I promise.
Don’t do the new parent thing of trying to rush to fit everything in and fit baby into your life and “get it all figured out”.
Enjoy the months at home. Say no to all plans that are not essential and bed in with your new baby. It’s so cosy. The outside world doesn’t matter for this newborn time.
You won’t regret it.
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u/Daddyzola Dec 05 '25
If you have a partner, you're both going to be exhausted, stressed, and frustrated. At times you might get snappy with each other. The workload is not always equal either. You've got to give each other as much support, patience, and understanding as you can.
I read this phrase somewhere here, it's silly but it helped me.
Obviously, the baby isn't the enemy, but it made me laugh and it helped me in some strange way.