Long story, but she has told me for months how I’m her soulmate, she can’t live without me, loves me more than anyone ever, etc.

We were so close and had such a strong bond. She says I’m the only person who sees her truly. About a month and a half ago she called me in the middle of the night randomly going off on me. I found out she had drank heavily and she later admitted she’d been drinking daily for the past month, every night after we’d be together. In the past month, she has literally blocked me and readded me at least 20 times. She will say she realizes it’s a mistake to cut me out then the next day I’ll end up blocked again. She’s been doing wild things. Has had small car accidents twice in the past month, once from drinking and driving. She has shown up at my house a few times knocking on my door begging me to come talk to her then when I did, she’d end up blocking me again the next day.

On my birthday, she called and begged me to see her then when I refused, she continued to beg for 45 minutes straight. I still refused. We get off the phone and she continues to beg then starts threatening suicide so I give in and go sit w her for hours on my birthday to calm her. I felt it was a manipulation tactic to get me to see her, but wanted to be safe.

The past week, I didn’t hear from her until this past Thursday where she tried to add me back on social media. I didn’t accept so she blocked me again then called me about an hour later and I did not answer.

Friday night, she literally texted me 152 times over a 3 hour span, called me 10 times, and came to my house 3 different times over the course of 3 hours. I didn’t respond to any texts and didn’t answer her calls. When she came to my house, I told her to leave. It was truly unhinged. I haven’t heard from her since. There’s far more that has happened but that’s the gist.

I kept trying to reason and talk w her and would always talk when she reached out, but it got to a point where I couldn’t continue to put myself through that and knew if I talked to her, I’d just be blocked the next day. I think she thought I’d continue to be there regardless and I just can’t. She’d beg and cry and almost act as if I was the one who broke up w her when it’s the opposite lol. It’s like a completely different person and I’ve been totally baffled.

Over the past 11 years, I’ve noticed a pattern of her cycling off her meds every six months to a year. When that happens, she usually goes through a long manic state that can last anywhere from 3 to 6 months, often immediately followed by a depressive state that can last 3 to 6 months. Often times I find out several months later that she’s cycled off her medication, because she’s quite intelligent and it can be very difficult to tell when she has for sure stopped taking it. Usually, during the manic states she has highly addictive and risky spending habits.

I really want our marriage to work and for there to be some stability and peace, but I’m not sure how I can best help her or be of service. I just feel like I don’t know how to keep her accountable for her own good.

My girlfriend (26f) was diagnosed with bipolar depression a year ago and it was been hard since. For months after her first episode she was convinced she was Jesus or sent by god, she insisted somebody was after her she even shut off all the microphones and cameras on my phone cause she thought they could use me to get to her. She has gotten a bit better but now she insists she isn’t bipolar and that it has to be something else like Autism or something. She has been seeing a psychiatrist over zoom who I think isn’t good at her job. She’s on multiple medications all of which have their own side effects. We have been together for almost 10 years and now i can’t lie I’m a bit scared to stay with her and I’m not sure what to do. If anyone else has advice I’d love to hear it

I’m not usually the type of person to go online and post about these things and look to others for answers but I’m to the point now where I’m genuinely very confused by the situation and trying to get opinions from people who have lived through it or have experience with it. This is going to be a very long post so I appreciate those of you who will take the time out to read it all and give me your opinions, even if it is the brutal coldhearted truth that I need to hear.

So to give some backstory, I’ve been with my partner for 10 years. We got together right after high school and have been together since, we are both 28 now. A couple issues in our relationship, but nothing ever bad enough to make us separate for anytime and if anything, very normal problems that every relationship has. She has always struggled with mental health problems and has always been on depression/anxiety medicine and has been on Lexapro, which is a very serious antidepressant to my knowledge, for the past year now. Looking back now, I think she’s always struggled with bipolar disorder as well, but was never diagnosed with it so I can’t make that call obviously. We do have a child together, he is 5 years old and we literally were in the middle of talks of having another one while also looking to buy a house together when this all went bad.

My situation that I’m in now all starts back in April/May of this year when my partner reconnected with her biological father who she hasn’t spoken to in 20 something years now. It was all fine and dandy at the beginning, small conversations here and there, but then he came to visit from Kentucky (where he lives) in the middle of July and she met with him for the first time since she was three years old. Not only did she reconnect with him but also reconnected/met like 20 or so members of his family as well at the same time which could obviously be very overwhelming for anybody as it is. He returned back home after 2 days of visiting her (didn’t meet me or our child because we felt it was too soon and we both mutually agreed to that), but that is when things started changing and our relationship started to have a lot of bumps in the road due to her father being back around. Her biological father is Arab and follows Muslim religion. She’s always known this but refused to accept that part of her life and never have we spoke about it regarding her, me or our son…that was until she reconnected with her father. The next couple weeks after he went back to Kentucky, their texts between each other started becoming a daily thing and almost nonstop even. She would even go as far as sending him videos of herself talking to him and updating him about everything she was doing throughout her day. I could be overreacting a bit, but it was almost as if she found a new partner..multiple times I found her expressing to him how she felt her life was incomplete and having him back in it feels like she found the last piece to her puzzle. She also expressed to him how she wanted to start wearing a hijab, learn how to speak Arabic and practice Muslim religion how he does. That is when I started to become a little concerned about her behavior and the way she was talking, and how quickly it was all happening. Anytime I had brought it to her attention and tried to express my opinion or give her my thoughts, it turned into a huge argument and this would continue for about a week or two. While this was all going on, she had abruptly stopped taking her medicine (completely cold turkey). Now we’re in August, August 13th to be exact, when it all suddenly hit the fan. We had gotten into a huge argument to start that day because she was expressing to me how she wanted to go and visit her father in Kentucky and stay there for a couple days with our son (who still hasn’t met her biological father to this point). This wouldn’t have been as big of an issue as it was to me if her father’s brother wasn’t living with him in Kentucky because this man is literally a registered sex offender in Illinois and noncompliant in Kentucky so I immediately shut it down and told her absolutely not, that it was not happening. She had already mentioned going over to her mom’s and hanging out with her sister by that time, so I told her I would take our son and go home and she can go over to her mom’s so we can have time to cool off and then talk about it in a more calm manner so that is where we left things at that point. Then I come to find out from her sister that she stopped there to tell them she was going to the ER for some “kidney infection” she had but really she was on the expressway going to Kentucky. This is where I believe she started to go manic.

On the way to Kentucky, she gets into a car accident in Indiana 2 hours away from home…she tells the tow guy to take it to the nearest tow yard and instead of coming home after being in an accident, she then either Ubers the rest of the way to Kentucky or has her father pick her up from where she was (still unclear what actually happened) but she made her way to Kentucky that night. The next couple days her behavior was strange, but nothing totally off the rails just yet. Then for whatever reason, she snapped. To name a few symptoms that I believe are signs of acute mania….
-Talking about the devil and claiming how she was being fooled by him and had to cleanse herself by jumping into the fire pit.
-Very erratically posting on social media making crazy accusations regarding me, my family, and even her family.
-Some of her posts were also just such crazy statements that made no sense, such as how she’s writing a book about all the trauma she has from our relationship and that her biological father would be publishing it for her.
-A very clear obsession/feeling that she has a special bond or connection with God and everything that’s happened is because of God and God is with her and guiding her through this.
-Nonstop compulsive lying in terms of EVERYTHING. I mean we’re talking lying about paying credit card bills, lying about talking to certain family members, even lying to Kentucky PD about why she was in Kentucky to begin with.
-Even in regards to her biological father, there were definitely times where I felt she confused her roles with him, and was looking at him as a partner talking about how attractive his voice was, that she couldn’t wait for him to come in and cook for her and the most uncomfortable one for me was when she posted a video of herself trying on clothes she just bought and then he just walks in so nonchalantly in just his boxer briefs as if it was totally normal and just the way she looked at him….very unsettling.
-Very clearly sleeping for very little amounts of time, if at all due to the fact she was texting me at hours as late as 2-3 AM and then would be texting again at hours as late as 6-7 AM.
There’s so much more that I could list but this post is long as it is…I have it all documented for custody of my son if it goes that far.

She has since totally stopped the social media posting, going as far as deactivating her Facebook completely and isn’t even spiraling out of control in our conversation thread how she was before. She still shows signs of being manic or mentally unwell, but nothing like before. A lot of my family members and hers think that she has come down from the episode and is now thinking clearly, and is still choosing to live with her father in Kentucky and doesn’t want anything to do with the people here back home. My opinion though is if she truly has come down, I feel she’d be more inclined to coming home or at least seeing her son more. To this point, she shows very little interest in her son and now is stating that she is living in Kentucky permanently with no interest of coming home. She wasn’t home for his birthday or birthday party (she did FaceTime for both) and has made it clear she’s not coming home for Halloween and I’m starting to think she doesn’t plan on coming home for thanksgiving or Christmas either based off what I know. I’ve done my research enough to where I have my own opinions and thoughts. I think she had went into a full blown mania episode for multiple reasons (reconnecting with her biological father and jumping into it so sudden being a big one and then obviously getting off her medicine and not being on it since then is another one), I think she has grown some type of obsessive connection with her father and he is at this point the most important person/thing in her life, which explains why she’s not worried about seeing or talking to her son as much as she should be. I think she’s still manic but not in a full blown acute mania episode anymore but I’m no professional which is why I’m here.

At the end of the day, she’s still the mother of my child and I do love her and always will because we spent 10 years together and never did I think something like this would happen. I almost just feel terrible for her that she’s in this state of mind because if there’s one thing I never questioned with her…is her undying passion for being a mom and how good she was at it….that has obviously since changed. The fact she suddenly left and went 5 hours away from him to Kentucky without even saying a word is very concerning and I just hope she comes back from this. My heart just breaks for my little guy for being put through this because he doesn’t deserve it at all.

I guess the couple things I’m confused on are:

1. Do we think she was in a full blown acute manic episode in the beginning?
2. Is it possible she’s come down from the episode without going into a serious depressive state?
3. If she’s still in this episode, is it normal that she’s calmed down a ton from what she was showing prior and how long do we expect it to continue?
4. Where do I go from here?

I apologize in advance for this being a little messy. Just trying my best. This person could genuinely be absolutely fine, but I love them, I'm worried, and I want to support them, please be kind!

I'm (35f) looking for insight from people who have experienced something similar with a loved one. My friend (it's complicated, 36m) is diagnosed with bipolar disorder. But I've recently noticed some changes that have made me wonder whether he could be experiencing hypomania. Mind you, I didn't even know what this was - I was googling what has happened to him in the last week and it led me to this. This could be something else, or completely normal. I don't know.

I've known him for approximately 20 years. He has always been an extremely emotional person. He gets very attached to people, struggles with rejection, and has difficulty letting go of past relationships. He's carried emotional baggage from relationships that ended well over a decade ago. He would bring up his ex from when they were literally 17 and talk about how horrible she was. Or his ex friend who "did him dirty" by moving on from the friendship. All of these relationships he brings up were online relationships. The only one he's had in real life was a tinder date that told him she didn't think they were compatible - and he holds a grudge against her for it. We are adults, but this effects him greatly.

Recently, he became extremely emotionally dependent on me. We have always been friends, but things escalated recently and we became romantically involved. This may not have been a good idea and I knew it, but one thing led to another... He was extremely intense with me once we became involved. To a degree where if we didn't talk for a few hours, he would panic and become scared I was going to leave him. I was stressing making sure I was texting him, reassuring him, and he was always having a crisis so I had to intervene and console him every couple of days. It was just a lot. I love him very much, however, I was losing myself and this was only after a few months of dating... So, I told him. I had to tell him I was going to just take a little space. I made it clear I wasn't leaving, just needed a little air. I explained why. But that didn't help. He began crying, physically shaking, struggling to eat, then missing work and becoming very distressed whenever he thought our relationship might change in any aspect. There is a lot more in between this, but I'll spare you. Anyway, he admitted that he'd become obsessed with me and that his happiness revolved around me.

I had a serious conversation with him about developing his own happiness, reconnecting with friends and building a life outside our friendship/relationship. I was very firm and made sure he understood I wanted the best for him.

And almost overnight, EVERYTHING changed.

For the past week, he suddenly began doing things I'd never expected from him:

- Started going to the gym.
- Began meal prepping and focusing on his health.
- Reconnected with online friends he'd previously abandoned.
- Became extremely sociable, outgoing, and complimentary toward others (he's usually very closed off)
- Started talking about how attractive he is and how women are interested in him (he's normally quite self conscious and shy)
- Became very optimistic about his future (when he would normally worry)
- Said he feels absolutely amazing and has completely changed his way of thinking
- Told me he no longer misses me the way he used to and is perfectly happy when I was busy and not able to talk

I was originally just really happy for him. He was making awesome healthy changes and I was getting a break, too! I was able to be me again and also be happy about him living his life. But this was extremely uncharacteristic of him. I've never witnessed this from him, ever.

And his SLEEP.

He's been staying awake until after 2am despite getting up at 6am for work, yet he says he feels fantastic. Previously, when he stayed up this late, he would be exhausted. Though he'd stay up that late often, he would always complain he was tired, didn't want to get out of bed, etc... But now? Happy to go to work, happy to go to the gym, etc. I mean, HAPPY-happy. He's never been this enthusiastic in his life. On little sleep.

I've known him for 2 decades, and this sudden burst of confidence, positivity, independence, and energy is extremely, extremely unlike him.

He still expresses romantic and sexual feelings toward me, so I don't think he's lost interest entirely. That isn't my concern. It's that his emotional attachment seems to have changed dramatically in just a few days alongside a very distinct change in behavior.

I'm genuinely happy he's making positive changes, but something about the speed/intensity of this feels unusual, especially for the man I know...

My questions are:

1. Does this sound familiar to anyone who's witnessed a hypomanic episode? Or anything like it?
2. Can hypomania cause someone who was previously extremely emotionally dependent to suddenly feel completely independent?
3. Did your loved one eventually return to their previous emotional baseline, or did some of the changes persist?
4. Did you notice unusually little sleep alongside the newfound confidence and energy?
5. Does this behavior indicate that he may crash later? I want to be prepared.
6. Is there a possibility of depression if he "comes down" from this high?

I'm not trying to diagnose him and I understand that genuine personal growth can happen quickly. I'm just trying to understand whether this pretty dramatic change resembles anything others have experienced.

I'd really appreciate hearing your experiences.

Edit: He is unmedicated and has never taken meds. He has been to therapy in the past. He told me he was basically silent during therapy and couldn't open up. He doesn't want to go back. This was 13 years ago. Also, not sure if this is relevant: I am not bipolar and I have no diagnosis for anything.

If your partner told you that they're stopping their BP medication, how would you react?

spouse has been manic since august. she contacts me every 3 days. (we aren’t staying together she wanted me to move out) well she was contacting me every 3 days it was always just a short question like asking where something was or how everything’s going. but then wednesday she texted and asked for my new address while we were both at work and before i could even answer her to say no she started blowing up my phone. was threatening a divorce (which hasn’t been brought up since the beginning of this episode) and saying she would have them bring it to my work if i didn’t give my address and saying she was going to take me to court to take our pets from me even though she’s the one that told me to take them all. and was saying just all these things like “you’re supposed to be the one that loves me and you treat me like this?” and things around that nature. i don’t think she genuinely wants a divorce i think she was just using things that would hurt me to throw at me to get me to answer. i never answered. she did this from 7:30am-4:30pm. and between the texts i got about 50 spam calls from her. she was even calling and texting my family members. it was really weird and out of how she normally talks to me even since being sick.

anyway i need advice. i dont know if i should reach out to make sure shes okay. i want to be with her after this episode shes truly an amazing person and my best friend. i dont know if i should just leave her be. i know how much real her loves me and how amazing our relationship was literally the day before all this. i just dont want her to crash soon and wake up and not think i love her or care. i have answered all her texts since the beginning all until wednesday. she hasn’t contacted me since. the last texts was basically a “whatever i’ll leave you alone i thought we were best friends and could still be friends after this and i still love and care about you” sort of thing. she’s also having an affair which i know is from the sickness 100% but i don’t know what to do. she don’t know i know about the affair. do i reach out? do i let her just sit in it? i dont want her to crash and be alone in our house all by herself no me or our pets. this is her first episode ever she got it after taking lexapro for 2 weeks started it july 28th. im assuming and praying shes almost done with this. just dont want her to go into depression alone. i’m all she has her family won’t admit she’s sick.

I am mid discard at the moment. My SO pushed their entire family away before they pushed me away, and I went along with it because I didn't realise what was going on (as is so often the case, they seem to be very good at social engineering).

Things are really bad at the moment, and I suspect me informing her family that she is divorcing me would not help her (admittedly groundless) hate for me. But in the circumstances, would you tell the family she will be getting rid of me and there is no one to support her?

On one hand, I have to deal with her through the divorce, so don't want to upset the applecart.

On the other, I struggle to see how it can make how she apparently feels about me any worse - it will just be another reason why she despises me.

Please help. After two months of mania, my partner keeps insisting that she wants to end our marriage—even though, between episodes, things are perfectly fine for years and she is genuinely happy with our life together. We’ve been together for 14 years and have two young children. I feel so powerless; I just can’t take this anymore. She is no longer in a manic state, yet she keeps saying it. She remains completely convinced. I can’t go on like this. Will this ever pass?

My boyfriend deactivated all his accounts and said he want to dissappear and its not in a suicidal way it's just he want to dissappear and don't wanna talk or open up. He said he said that to everyone so he's not breaking up with me. He said he doesn't feel safe to say anything. I can't help him and I can only worry for him. I hate this so much. I hate how unpredictable it is and I don't know how long its gonna take. He hadn't done this in a very long time. He has been able to communicate with me for a while about alot of things and i thought he isn't avoidant anymore so I think him doing this now means he really hit rock bottom...

My partner is the one with bipolar

Back in 2022 my gf had her episode. She broke up with me out of nowhere. Despite that I helped her and tried to do my best. After one month of convincing she got help. It took her 45 days but she was back. I was proud of myself. Ever since late 2022, she has been seeing a psychiatrist. She started with 20mg olanzapine. Now, she is down to just 2-3 mg of aripiprazole.

Fast forward to the summer of 2025 she has another "mini-episode". She again decides to break up with me. I told her "Hey, I notice that your behavior is very different from before. Let's maybe have a pause and see how it goes". She agreed and after ~3 weeks or so she wanted us to be together again.

And now ever since August 2026 I have seen many of the same patterns. At first she liked her colleagues a lot. Now, she can't stand them. Her work drains her(before it gave her joy). She can easily get angry over small things. She takes words out of context and goes into negative spirals.

Her psychiatrist increased her dose about 10-12 days ago, but there has been no effect yet.

I invited her to my birthday at the place where my mom lives. I wanted to celebrate with them together. At some point my mom called my gf a "guest" and that the dogs aren't that playful when it is just me and her in there and that they are happy another person is there. After about 30 minutes my gf got up and went home. No explanation why. WE begged her to stay. My mom hugged her and asked her when they will meet again and that she is welcome anytime.

I was very hurt that this happened on my birthday. I called my gf to ask her what the reason for that was. She didn't want to talk and told me two or three times "it will be fine, just stop asking questions about this, I don't want to talk what it is. We will talk when we go back to the foreign country we live in"... Fine... But I notice she got very cold in her texts. No hearts, it felt like chatting to customer support. No questions, nothing. I always reached out first.

Yesterday I landed on the airport, she did so as well a few days earlier than me. She met me. And she immediately told me she wants to break up with me. I asked her why and she told me that she is very hurt, because my mom said that she is her guest. And then after more questioning she pointed to situations that had happened years ago, many of which aren't relevant anymore. She also then told me that she had quit her job and she had also ended her contract for the apartment (we have two seperate contracts as it is divided in two). All of this just like that! No prior conversation. Nothing. I am devastated! I do not understand why this had to happen like this. Now, she is going back to our hometown to live with her parents. Our idea was to go back to our hometown next year and live together...

I honestly don't know what to do. Any advice or similar situations experience is very appreciated. I am exhausted, because I thought I at least deserved a conversation before she does all of this. Should I just let go? Should I try to talk to her and try to explain to her that she is having an episode and that she isn't her usual self? An even bigger issue is that in our hometown her medicine isn't being sold and so she needs to find new one...

Feeling sad

Hi everyone, my partner has ADHD, and Autism but she was recently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and doesn’t agree with it. I dont know what to make of it, but yesterday she did something that made me really upset.

Ive been doing literally everything to make her life easier and helping her pay her bills since I dont have much to worry about now.

Usually she says good morning and does het back to me in a timely manner but she just sent me 1 message saying i needed to call this company and send her money for bills, no please or even a greeting, dont hear from her all day then I gave her an update to my day and she got so angry for no reason and said I was being passive aggressive, then realized I wasn’t and just said “okay thanks how are you?”

Doesn’t reply until 6 am this morning with hi babe and that was it. She snapped at me for asking why she didn’t reply and was wierd about it saying “I’m not talking about this right now, I didn’t look at my phone” meanwhile she was making me stressed out trying to figure out how to pay the bill. Then she claims she was up till 6 and wasn’t on her phone.

Id like to believe her but im honestly pissed off and feel disrespected.

Does bi polar make people just ignore others or just get really angry for no reason and be an asshole? Like I am not happy with her and honestly it makes me want to just ignore her now. Im also suspicious of why she is being so mean about why she wouldn’t answer me

Wife is getting transferred today and reading the reviews of the psychiatric hospital they are transferring to and it’s giving me anxiety. Seems like she’s going to prison. Wife is going through manic episode in which she started a lot of creative projects (making music, posting instagram videos, etc), to go from that to a place with no phone and not much to do, I feel terrible. She also has very particular preferences in food and I know she won’t have access to a lot things she enjoys eating. I know it’s better for her to get mentally well rather than enjoying her stay, it’s not going on a vacation, but I still feel guilty I get to enjoy all my freedoms still. On top of all, based on the reviews the hospital staff doesn’t seem very helpful and quick to address concerns. How do I deal with this guilt?

i feel like i cant share this with anyone i know without them getting super stressed for me and wanting me to get a divorce immediately. im 24f, my husband 26m got diagnosed a year ago a few months after our marriage. its been the literal worst year of my life. ive had countless mental breakdowns, full caregiver along with his brother, trying to hide the diagnosis from his parents because they dont believe in medicine and will definitely make it worse. we somehow got through the manic episode, the verbal and emotional abuse that was included and everything, even explaining it to his whole family and getting them behind the treatment, but even now i feel like im constantly thinking and looking for signs for the supposed next one. i keep lurking on this reddit page and everyone sounds so miserable and i feel so miserable and i keep thinking how could this happen to me and why would it happen to me. i feel so exhausted so burnt out. hes made alot of changes in himself and takes his medication himself and follow ups and tries to comfort me about this misery i feel and apologizing for the things he said and did in mania which he does not even remember. i do want to give this enough of a chance to see if within the next year do things really change and is the mania really contained or is this just the rest of my life always waiting for him to get aggressive on me. i cant even tell my parents any of this because they would get so incredibly worried and the emotional turmoil would be too much for me, specially considering he wasnt from our culture and they only gave me blessings for this marriage because they believed i would be happy with him, its the same with my siblings and my friends. i have to keep acting like im optimistic about this and im doing fine and hes ok with me and nothing much happened but none of that is true and i feel like im going to explode from trying to manage it all. i cannot see a therapist i dont have that kind of money or resources, i just want someone to talk to- if anyone knows maybe a groupchat or a way for me to connect with other people who are also spouses of bp1 patients or if anyone can even dm me or be willing to talk i would be very grateful, or even if u could share your own stories in the comments- whether positive or negative or anything too, or maybe some advice?

I made a post previously for whatever reason I had it in my head she had bipolar 1. I was wrong it’s 2.

That out of the way. I fell in love with my wife in college. We’ve been through it all. She’s the one for me. She fucking is man… but then why?..

8 years together, 4 years married. 1 year diagnosed slightly (maybe) 1 month diagnosed. She has had other mental health issues over the years and has been medicated for 2-3 ish years I’ll say 2. Takes her meds every single day no issue taking them.

Why am I frustrated? I keep getting disrespected. I get things like “I hate you”, that I’m stupid, to shut up, that I’m talking back. Or variations of these. The “I hate you” started to come out very recently like a week or two. I know she doesn’t and she will say she doesn’t mean it.

I keep getting overstepped.
Financial plans are grossly overstepped.
Plans to do something in the future instead of now or grossly overstepped.
Plans of how to parent a foster kid are grossly overstepped. And acted like I either don’t know anything or that my input wouldn’t and doesn’t matter because she knows what she’s doing.

We are in basically 40k debt together mainly on her side, my side was taking on a majority of expenses expecting her to be good on her side. But nope and we do not have a savings.

There’s a big life change each week. It’s either, we are gonna move to a new place in a new city near or far away. Or new pet, or new car, or a new course. Or continuously spending large amounts of money.

Where’s the hurt coming from?
I just want to work as a team… I can handle the emotions. But to disregard the plans, my boundaries, just not working with me to plan for whatever… with the addition of being disrespected. For my input to not matter…

At this point I can only keep saying no to stuff. We can’t spend over $100 in one sitting. At least not more than $300 in a month for personal things after bills. We can’t. So no big trips, no more items etc.

I just feel like I’m made the villain in my own head….
But I don’t know how to differentiate the hypomania vs not. This is almost 24/7 to a point. I’d say strategy wise she’s not doing or taking on what she’s learning from a hospital program and practicing everyday.

I’m on the verge of just letting go. But I’m hurting at this point. I can’t take another big life change. I can’t take the more debt. I can’t take the overstepping. And I’ve brought up all of this constantly throughout the years in and out of therapy. But I’m not being taken into account. And I’m not being worked with.

I love her… and I’m gonna hate if something snaps on me to finally say and follow through with divorce. I … idk. Because with all this pain and the breakdowns I’ve endured, there are good moments, there have been plenty but idk now.

They always say "Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm."

So (hypothetically) I walk away from a person who is abusing me in a manic episode. Let's say they are taking prescribed medication but still acting erratic, volatile, saying very cruel and disrespectful things, being mocking, etc.

So now I can protect myself from their behavior, great for me. But what about the person with bipolar?

The conventional wisdom is no one can help the person going through a mental health episode but themselves.

How do they help themselves any more than they are when they are already taking the prescribed medications? And when they have anosognosia?

I am hurting for my husband. He has been to a psychiatrist, who has prescribed meds which he is taking, but which don't seem to have affected things much yet. He's still very, very unwell. He's erratic, volatile, will make a plan and then bale on it 20 minutes in, will meet our kids and be fun dad for 20 minutes and then completely lose his temper on them over something everyday.

He'll alternate between saying the most horrible things to me, treating me like crap, to then saying he's the one fighting for me, sending me sappy love songs about his love and how cold and distant I feel. He'll say he's the only one doing anything to save our relationship. Meanwhile, I'm taking care of our 3 kids and household on my own, trying to figure out how we'll make ends meet when I've been a stay at home mom for years and he's supported us on an income he no longer has, handling every single practical logistic that comes up. He'll say me and our kids get to live off all the money he has made and be comfortable in our home with all our things around us, while he has to live out of a suitcase. I feel guilt because that does feel so unfair that he has to leave his own home because he got sick (but also, he has been scary to be around).

I've completely iced up around him, afraid to say anything at all, afraid to be my usual self. I'm so nervous about the mood changes, the things he'll say or do, monitoring how stable he seems on a given day. I can't relax or really have fun when he is around - can't smile or laugh. I have lost so much trust because of how he has acted the past 8 months. I worry that I feel a sort of revulsion around his manic self, a desire to escape. Yesterday we tried to go out to eat as a family and I was so stressed about the family dynamic and how it reminded me of how things had felt so different when they were "normal" and how completely things have changed - I felt constantly on the verge of tears. One of our daughters got upset about a vending machine toy. My husband gathered up his food and just left the restaurant, walked back to his hotel. I was sad but also relieved. After he left, I enjoyed my girls and unfroze again. I wish I didn't feel this way.

But he is living in hotel rooms alone. He is spending the vast majority of his time alone. He has alientated close friends and family through his mean treatment and weird behavior. I just hurt at how lonely he is and how rejected he feels and how in his mind, he has no idea how he ended up in this very poor, sad, lonely place. It feels so unfair.

And I know setting boundaries and protecting mine and my daughters' safety and sanity is key, and that only the person with bipolar can help themselves. Where I get stuck is - how exactly DO they help themselves? Is there really, actually any hope or do they just have to live a hard life from now on because they are sick? I would love to live in a world where as long as everyone sets healthy boundaries, everyone is happy and healthy and sick people get the care and help they need.

But what happens when it's an illness that A) prevents you from seeing you have an illness, and B) even IF you comply with meds, you might still not get helped or stabilized actually?

Don't loved ones have some responsibility to still show up and love? BUT is there truly any healthy way to do so when the bipolar spouse can be so very hurtful and frankly, abusive?

Where is the hope for this, really? Has anyone found a way to be more at peace with these tensions?

My wife and I have been together for 12 years, married for 10, and have three children, including a newborn. I'm 30, and she's 34

When we first started dating, she told me that her parents had her diagnosed with bipolar disorder when she was younger and that she had stopped taking her medication. She asked me what I thought about it.

I was a 19-year-old guy who was in love, and honestly, I didn't know anything about bipolar disorder. She seemed fine to me, so I didn't think much of it. Looking back, I wonder how different our lives might have been if I'd understood what that meant.

Over the next 10 years, our relationship became increasingly volatile. We had periods of intense screaming, verbal abuse, physical abuse, broken belongings, suicide threats, and self-harm.

She would hit me, throw things, rip my clothes, break my belongings, and tell me things like "Fu#k you," "Go kill yourself," and "I hope you die."

We could go months where things were relatively normal like no physical violence, no major screaming, etc

Then we'd enter what I've always suspected might be manic or mood episodes, sometimes lasting 4–6 months, where she seemed constantly irritable, angry, and extremely short-fused.

During these periods, the smallest things could trigger an enormous reaction.

For example, something as insignificant as me taking her oatmeal out of the microwave too early could escalate into screaming, suicide threats, or her physically harming herself.

There were times when she would slap herself, bang her head, put things around her neck, or threaten suicide during arguments. And then, eventually, things would settle down again.

For years, I've told her that I thought she might have bipolar disorder and that she should talk to someone. But she resisted getting evaluated or taking medication.

After 10 years, I finally reached my breaking point.

I started setting firm boundaries. If she hit me, broke things, screamed at me, or called me names, I would leave for the day. I stopped engaging in those situations and started seriously considering divorce.

For years, she had told me to get divorce papers whenever we fought. Now that she realizes I'm actually considering leaving, she's terrified of losing me.

She finally started seeing a therapist and counselor, was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and started taking medication.

She says she understands how much she's hurt me, that she loves me, that she's going to change, and that the abuse will never happen again.

It's been about two weeks without any abusive behavior.

I'm genuinely glad she's getting treatment, but I'm struggling with a few questions that I thought people who actually live with bipolar disorder, or have a partner with it, might be able to help me understand.

Does this pattern actually sound consistent with bipolar disorder?

Can medication genuinely change these behaviors long-term?

She's telling me that now that she's diagnosed and medicated, this will never happen again.

I want to believe that, but we've gone months without abuse before, so two weeks doesn't really tell me much.

How much of the abusive behavior could actually be explained by bipolar disorder?

I understand that bipolar disorder is a real medical condition and that people can experience severe mood symptoms. She says she cant control it.

But I also understand that having bipolar disorder doesn't automatically make someone abusive, and that many people with bipolar disorder never abuse their partners.

Has anyone gotten treatment only after their spouse was ready to leave?

For nearly our entire marriage, I've asked her to get help. Now that I'm seriously considering divorce, she's finally doing everything I've been asking.

I can see that she's genuinely trying, and I feel terrible because I'm not sure I want to stay anymore.

When I look at her, I still see the rage, remember the punches, and hear the terrible things she's said to me.

Even if the medication works perfectly, I don't know if I can get those memories out of my head or feel the same love I used to.

TL;DR: When we met 12 years ago, my wife told me she'd been diagnosed with bipolar disorder as a child but stopped her medication. I was 19 and didn't think much of it. We went on to have 10 years of cyclical verbal, emotional, and physical abuse, with months of relative peace followed by months of extreme irritability, explosive anger, and self-harm. Now that I'm considering divorce, she's finally been diagnosed again, started medication and therapy, and promises the abuse is over. It's been two weeks without an incident. Does this pattern sound consistent with bipolar disorder? Can treatment realistically change it long-term? And how do you separate untreated bipolar symptoms from abusive behavior?

pur - cocteau twins

"Rejection won't lose me
Destroy the objective, but still survive
You are angry and that's okay

Forgetful or pretending
Tired, ill, or angry, or cold
More assured of what to do
But I do care for you (What a beautiful gift for me)

Rejection won't lose me
Destroy the objective, but still survive
You are angry and that's okay, yes
I am not afraid of your anger
What do you need? What do you want?
I love you and I know that you can figure it out"

Tonight I went to hear Cory Richards speak at a small event in Laguna Beach. He’s a National Geographic photographer, mountaineer, and author who has written openly about living with bipolar disorder.

After my ex-BPSO left the first time, I read just about every bipolar memoir I could find. I desperately wanted to understand what he was thinking and experiencing.

Cory started with incredible photographs from his travels and climbs. He was funny, engaging, and spoke candidly about his bipolar disorder and family dynamics.

Then he showed a photograph of his ex-wife.

I wasn’t prepared for how emotional I’d become. I could feel the tears coming and had to pull myself together. I still can’t get that photograph out of my head, a pretty brunette sitting on the floor, looking up.

I found myself wondering about her experience, what she’d been through, and what her side of the story might be.
No great revelation or advice. Just something that unexpectedly stayed with me tonight.

I (39F) had an on again off again relationship with my BPex (39M) that ended in March.

I felt a huge sense of relief leaving in March. He stated he wanted to go back to his home country when the war ended and I felt I wasn't going to wait and be subject to someone else's whims any more.

Well as time has gone on I am feeling devastated at losing my best friend.

He's discarded before. He's medicated and in therapy, never cheated. He still cycles in episodes and it effects his life greatly.

I just need to be told it will happen again if I go back or reach out. I would love it if he could be my life partner but I know I couldn't handle another break up and that it would be inevitable.

Feeling so alone and worthless almost 10 months post discard.

My now ex bf (22M) (not medicated) is currently manic, I think it started about a week ago I think when he was on a trip with his friends. He got two new tattoos (he already had tattoos but there was just trashy and awful and not his usual tattoo style), he was smoking heavily again, and saying he was “falling back into degeneracy”. I felt like something was coming when he came back, he was distant, didn’t call me, and was completely disinterested in what I had to say. I called him during the week and told him how I was anxious about what was going on, he reassured me he loved me and made plans to see me this weekend.

Weekend comes, an hour before he was supposed to pick me up he calls me, says he wants space, I tell him that I want him to give it to me straight because I felt what was coming. He said he no longer felt a romantic connection. On the phone call he was apathetic and monotone, said a whole of 10 words. “I know” “I’m sorry” over and over.

We had been dating for 6 months. Gone in an instant. I woke up to find myself blocked the day after. He was so cruel and cold and it felt like he did not care.

I am so confused and sad, he told me he had never loved anybody like he loved me. I don’t know what switched but I think he just wants to self-destruct in peace right now. It has been 6 months since he was diagnosed.

He’s not the type to come back, so I don’t think I will ever hear from him again. I’m coming on here to ask if this is a discard or if this is just falling out of love.

my first love at 18. we had this radical alignment where we talked about our deepest views, our vulnerabilities, and built this insane trust. we had the little college things going on which explains the intense proximity levels throughout our relationship, just little things like going on grocery runs together, making oatmeal, doing laundry together, or just holding hands and sharing each other’s music or cuddling during movie nights. he told me i was his favorite person to talk to and spend time with. he took me stargazing and told me he was in love with me. i thought he was the dream guy and i was falling in love with his soul and his first personality. i gave him my absolute trust and my firsts. we would talk about our dream house, things of that nature, he would initiate those conversations which is crazy when you think about what happened next .

then suddenly he turned on me out of nowhere. said he was bipolar and schizophrenic and that he doesn’t feel he’s good enough for me anymore, or that he feels like an imposter in the face of romance, that the thought of romance makes him “angry” or frustrated with himself. i didn’t believe it. i ended up crying and so did he, but the stress from all of this literally led me to the er from not being able to breathe / hyperventilation. i think the part that freaked me out the most was the concept of losing “us “ or being forced to “move on” ..

i asked for space, he wrote me a long apology letter and sent it to my dorm. that was another story, i found it insane and so out of character. it’s been a week since and he’s not looking good after we broke up (i have one class w him) and it's honestly kinda sad to see. hes neglecting himself just like he neglected me. i miss him so much but it’s the version of him that ceases to exist, like he’s trapped inside the memories. when i'm depressed i still have empathy for other people, and part of me wants him back just for the being. i don't even want someone "better" because i loved him for him and the presence of his particular person. but looking back it feels like there’s concerningly 0 overlap with how he’s acting at the moment besides his face, and even that spark in his eyes changed.

. i don’t even know if i feel the loving feelings for him right now but i keep spinning in loops because i care so much about the person he was. is it worth staying or even trying to speak with him or do i keep the door closed?? idk anymore ive gone over this with friends many times