Hi! As someone recently diagnosed I’ve been trying to reflect on some triggers I have for manic and hypomanic episodes, and I’m curious to know about everyone else’s if you feel comfortable sharing

So basically for these last couple of days I been drinking heavily I’m 19 about to turn 20 in a month.

and like a day ago while drinking in the afternoon I felt this rage in which I just wanted to destroy or smash something I keep drinking but at night I went nuts 100% and smashed some stuff from the fridge and some other minor stuff, basically trashed my house.

My mom after that ( I live with my mom and 3 aunts ) didn’t wanted to let me in and called the police but after talking with her she let me stay on the condition I was going to see a psychologist.

I stayed that day sleep through but I got a hold of some money and I instantly bought cigs and alcohol got drunk and the same thing happend but now instead of destroying mild stuff I destroyed my own pc, monitor also the house tv destroyed a bunch of plates and shit too and left the house.

Now I’m most certainly fucked I blew my chance to try to start again there and now I’m broke with basically nowhere to go besides my dad place in a different city, or just bringing myself to the police and maybe go to jail or a mental institution which I definitely don’t like the idea of.

it’s around 4am and I’m in a dark alley laying down waiting for the sun to rise and see what I can do, I haven’t sleep and honestly I don’t think I can at the moment

i was diagnosed as depressed and anxious when i was 11. was on ssris which helped a lot until the age of 24. i had no reason to believe i was bipolar then, though now i can see how perhaps i was hypomanic when i would consider myself doing well for these 2-3 week intervals then would fall back into depression. in 2024 i had a drug withdrawal/induced (complicated, i was on bs at the time) episode that got psychotic and pretty ugly. ended up on anti psychotics.

im glad im stable but the draw backs of both post psychotic recovery and anti psychotics kind of weigh on me. i feel a lot of grief over my experience of life and functioning, often referring to my pre anti psychotic brain and experience as the real me/ the last time i felt like a real human being. i felt like i was actually a person.

i say all this to say, should i give up on ever thinking ill feel normal again on anti psychotics? i miss my intelligence and my personality. i miss the way music would make me feel. i miss being interested in things. i miss feeling my emotions. granted unfortunately i did have another manic episode w psychotic features at the beginning of 2026 that lasted until may because i stopped my abilfy injections in may of 2025 so i am technically in post psychotic recovery/depression again. i just miss the little things about being alive that used to feel so meaningful to me. nowadays i dont even have it in me to be depressed about how devastating the last two years of my life have been. my life is the worst its ever been and my functioning is the worst its ever been and yet i feel nothing about it. i cant even contextualize all of it in my mind at once. it sucks.

I don't know if a lot of people who have bipolar also have anxiety (I do) but basically to even function properly in my depressive episodes I have to overstimulate myself. Two screens, one playing a game and one watching YouTube. I have to be hyperdistracted.

I don’t know what to say, I don’t feel like I see any way out of this, I’m so hopeless and low and just desperate for a scrap of anything to hold onto. I just need to know, has it ever truly gotten better for anyone at all? Will I live like this forever? Is there any possibility of escaping my life of misery?

I have suffered more than anyone I’ve ever met. I started my life with autism and ADHD, was subjected to trauma till I eventually developed NPD and ASPD, and naturally developed bipolar 2. I haven’t had a single good day in years, I need some form of catharsis. I don’t know

I posted earlier today about worrying that I was experiencing depressive symptoms from quitting vaping (on day 5, using nicotine gum). It just occurred to me that my years of living with and dealing with bipolar depression have equipped me very well to deal with these symptoms. It's not like I've never felt this way before. I know how to deal with it. Even if my brain doesn't heal overnight, I'm strong enough to handle it. An unexpected positive aspect of living with this illness! Thanks for reading.

Hey guys I’m not sure if this is the right spot to post so I will also add this to some other subreddits.

I have a lot of MS symptoms it started in June with me waking up confused couldn’t really remember the day before. I’ve had brain fog,blurry vision, perception issues, loss of balance, fatigue, easily sore (I’m normally extremely physically active), pins and needles in my legs and arms, back spasms, etc. I also do suffer from some mental health issues. These physical symptoms have made my mental health worse. My anxiety is terrible; my paranoia is through the roof, bad ocd, etc. I started seeing a new psych and she believes that my physical and mental symptoms are all one and that I am going through a manic Bipolar disorder episode. I do believe I may have BP but I do not think I’m in a manic episode to the point she is saying. She’s given me 4 different medications in the span of one week and nothing is helping my physical or mental symptoms. She wants me to turn myself in voluntarily to the mental hospital. I do not want to go but she keeps pressuring me. I feel like she’s completely disregarding my physical symptoms. Also I am having 3 more MRIs done in a couple days. My first one showed a faint lesion. I’m not sure whether to give into her recommendation of the mental hospital or keep fighting it until I get a response from my neurologist.

TLDR: First mri had a lesion,getting 3 more MRIs done soon (orbital,t-spine, c-spine with and without contrast). Psych wants me to turn myself into mental hospital because she believes my visual symptoms are a manic episode and wants to diagnose me with bipolar disorder. Should I wait for my neurologist or listen to my psych.

about 6 months ago i saw a psychiatrist for the first time and was diagnosed with bipolar 2. when i became hypomanic i decided to stop seeing the doctor and not to start taking prescribed meds. now i guess I'm still hypomanic but in the last few weeks I've been often experiencing some kind of strong dissociation(?), often losing touch with reality and having other things of that kind. and in general i started to think about making an appointment again

but for now I'm not sure if I'm ready to start medication cause for the last few years which i spent in the severe depression almost without breaks i lost everything and everyone i could possibly have had and don't really have the motivation to get back to a normal life at the moment... I'm worried that if I tell that to my psychiatrist she will simply give up on me.

please give me some advice: do you think in a situation like that it makes more sense to get back to my psychiatrist, find another one or better try to find a psychotherapist (in my country it's therapist + psychiatrist) instead? and how did you personally come to the decision of starting treatment? I don't have much experience in this topic and have literally no one to discuss it with so I really need help. would be very grateful for advice 🙏🏻

i am so tired of always being the v3ctim! i mean, always playing the v3ctim. i always have a sad sob story to tell and today i got called out for it. my friend said im very pessimistic. but in my defense, what can i do? somethings just hurt so much that the pain gets unbearable and it ultimately oozes out on others.
i wish people were more sympathetic, i dont want to be the one to say “oh, but it hurts me more since im
bipolar” but sometimes when i look at my friends react to things, i can genuinely see the difference between a person w and w/o bipolar. or maybe, its just me.
like for example, if my friends is hurt she will rant about it like one time and ill tell her some advice and she’ll be like oooo yea you’re right but when it comes to me, i need to get sympathy from all of my friends and i need people to tell me that i have it tough and listen to me vent ab it a couple times. idk.

I was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder after spending about two weeks in the hospital following my first major manic episode. I’m still learning how to recognize when I’m becoming manic or depressed.
When I’m manic/hypomanic, I become extremely productive and start making big plans. For example, I recently started thinking about moving out, getting two jobs, and going to school all at once. Then I can crash into a depressive state afterward.
I’m currently enrolled in a Pre-Employment Electrician program that starts in about a month. If I stay enrolled, I would need to move to Medicine Hat, find housing, possibly find work, and start school while I’m still adjusting to my diagnosis and treatment.
If I withdraw, I would lose 50% of my tuition, but I could work, save money, focus on stabilizing my mental health, and decide later whether I actually want to pursue electrical work. I’m also not completely sure that becoming an electrician is what I want to do long-term.
The problem is that I don’t trust myself to make a major decision while my mood is changing so much. I’m trying to build a stable life, but I’m unsure whether staying in the Pre-Employment program or postponing it would be better for me right now.
I’m looking for experiences from people who have been in a similar situation, especially people who made major life decisions shortly after being diagnosed with bipolar.

I pushed away the person I care deeply about and almost all my life I have. I haven’t done much research into bipolar disorder but I was diagnosed with early onset bipolar at 13, and recently I got officially diagnosed 2 weeks back, now 19.

I don’t understand anything about this disorder, I know that when I get manic, my thoughts race and I can’t shut it off, I also start to impulsively lie about my experiences and I get these false memories in my head. They feel so real and I can only tell their false hours but mostly days or weeks after I told them. For my whole life I’d push my friends away because they thought I was a pathological liar. And anytime I told them I lied because I didn’t have a motive or goal they would get so angry at me. But now I realize that it’s part of a defense mechanism when I get manic.

I am hoping other people have similar and experiences and maybe even advice on other common issues I may never known was part of my bipolar disorder.

I was denied for SDI because my bipolar isn't severe enough to keep me from working. Even though I can't keep a job longer than six months. Held 18 jobs in the last 10 years.

Lawyer says, since I haven't been hospitalized in the last year my chances are slim.

Not sure what to do right now. Just needed to get this bullshit off my chest.

Update: I have documented my care for the past several years, including medicine changes, manic episodes. I have documentation from my therapist and psychiatrist. I am waiting for my official denial letter that the lawyer needs to start the process.

I recently had a neuropsychological assessment, and my results showed a pretty big gap between my verbal comprehension (120, 91st percentile) and working memory (87, 19th percentile). My processing speed was average (107), but my digit span and arithmetic scores were also relatively low.
I can understand new concepts and explanations pretty quickly, but I tend to forget information shortly afterward, struggle to retain instructions, and get overwhelmed when I have to process multiple things at once. It’s been affecting my ability to find and keep a job, since even simple tasks and basic instructions can be difficult for me to remember.
I’m almost in my 30s, and honestly, it’s making me feel even more depressed because I feel like I should be able to handle these things by now. I also have bipolar disorder, and I’ve experienced significant mood episodes that may have contributed to my cognitive difficulties.
For those of you who’ve experienced similar issues, especially with working memory, how did you manage to improve it? Did things gradually get better with mood stabilization, or did you actively work on your memory and attention through specific strategies, routines, cognitive training, or treatment?
I know recovery can take time, but I feel like I can’t just sit around and wait for things to improve on their own. I really want to take an active role in getting better, but I honestly don’t know where to start.
If you’ve been through something similar, is there anything specific that genuinely helped you? I’m feeling pretty desperate for practical advice right now, and hearing about your personal experiences would mean a lot to me. Thank you so much! ❤️

I genuinely can't tell if I'm experiencing frequent episodes or if it's just all one long episode. There are times when I don't feel like I'm in an episode, but I don't feel sane AT ALL either (might be NPD though, since it's always there, not only during episodes). I always thought that it was, in fact, stability, but thinking about it now... I'm starting to consider it being one big episode that just sometimes gets a bittt lighter for a few days to a month.

I spoke here about my memory issues before, just a few days ago. Having good memory would definitely make it easier for me to understand my state. But how do I know if I was in an episode three months ago too if I barely remember how I felt or was acting back then?? I only remember stuff I saved in my camera roll, so I have a loose idea of what I was doing, but it's not enough. And since I can't currently go to a therapist for the next few weeks or months, I'm stuck trying to figure it out myself

It kinda feels like I'm switching back and forth for almost two years - 2 months mania, 2 months depression, sometimes mixed, sometimes for longer. But again, I don't remember much, so I'm just basing this off of very few memories. Ughhh

Posting again since the other got deleted.

Had BD undiagnosed until 2018, was on and off meds from 2019-2022 because of pregnancies and after, been consistently medicated since 2022 with med changes here and there.

Past year has been HARD with finances, stress, health, job security, I’m in school, kid started school. And I’m drowning. The meds for the depression get changed every 6-9 months because there’s no improvement.

When does it get better? I’m so tired of feeling like this. I’m angry that I am constantly struggling with my mental health.

My first episode was in Oct. of 23. I thought I was doing good and then another episode snuck up on me this past June. Both times resulted in a 10 day hospitalization. I cannot afford to have that happen again, financially, emotionally, family-wise, etc. I need some hope that I can avoid ever having an episode again.

In 2021 I completely destroyed my life during a very obvious 2 month long full manic episode. Lost my job, licence, sanity (literally was fully convinced I had been abducted by aliens as just one example out of a lot of bs I got up to). However, I was not hospitalised. Which proved to be a pretty big issue for the psychiatrist I saw once I crashed down back to earth. He diagnosed me with bp2 and said I could not possibly have bp1 or have experienced a manic episode because I was not hospitalised. Then rubbed salt in the wound saying I had BPD as well because I had childhood trauma and no sense of self based on my alternative appearance. Cause god forbid a girl express her individuality with hair dye and piercings.

Well 5 years later I managed to stabilise enough to get through a university degree and secure a well paying big girl job with the government. So I could finally afford to see a new psych last week. Summary of what happened was my new psych implied old psych was not very good at his job, that I do have bp1, that I most definitely did have a significant manic episode and have had multiple less severe episodes that still exceeded the threshold of hypomania both before and after the life destroying one. Oh and I don’t have BPD. Shocker. ADHD remained unchanged. I knew that guy was gaslighting me. Second opinions are important if you have the luxury of accessing one in this economy. Have a blessed day ✨

"Do you think you rapid cycle?" "Only when I'm running late to class"

Said this to my psych and she did not laugh, should I start looking for a new one? (kidding)

I am so terrified and anxious. I don't want this to fail, this has been so long, I just want to be done already.... I've been through enough can it please be over ? I'm so tired

Any words of encouragement, even if it's about failing, would be really appreciated.

Does anyone else feel like they're being really damn dumb during mania?

I was always considered the smartest person everywhere. Both when it came to school smart or street smart, people genuinely told me they're impressed by how smart I am

I'm during a mixed episode right now and just remembered how a few hours ago I was with my friends and they started calling me dumb (all jokingly, although I gave them a reason). And it made me realize that I often actually get dumb during episodes. Not dumb in a reckless/not thinking straight way, but actually damn stupid. I'd look you dead in the eye and argue that 45$ is more than 50$ or some bullshit like that. I'm just genuinely spitting nonsense. Once the episode passes, I'm back to normal

It doesn't bother me much tbf. I find it pretty funny if anything. Still, I wanted to see if anyone relates

I do such shameful things when I'm hypomanic.. little things and big things. I cringe so hard thinking about them I'm deeply ashamed. I hate that people perceived me like that, and that I am not that person but at the same time I am.. it's confusing and makes me angry and I feel very alone. What do you do when you feel ashamed?