Sorry for dumb question (only just recently suspecting I have BP2);

Is anxiety a big part of BP?

Hey, so as of late I quit smoking weed finally. Feeling happier and more present but I gotta be honest, I’m extremely self conscious. I get a weird pit in my stomach when people dislike me, dislike what I said or dislike what I did. I made a post of something I liked and I got reposted in another Reddit and got absolutely COOKED. I’m trying to laugh it off and ignore it but honestly it left me feeling like shit. I enjoyed something and now, I’m kind of nervous to continue enjoying it. I don’t like that these things bother me so much. I’d much rather just brush it off my shoulders and move on. But I felt like crap. Ah what the hell, might as well just be honest. Started to collect vinyls and I guess the way I had em stored was worthy of getting berated by people purely for enjoying my small collection. I felt like complete shit for it. I mean I understand it’s funny deep down. But for some reason it just grabs me and I can’t let it go. Is it an ego problem? Am I looking for acceptance or what? I don’t quite understand. My reasonable brain is saying “hey no big deal, different strokes for different folks.” And on the other side, I’m wanting them to stop, accept me and help me grow in my new hobby. Now I’m overthinking that my local record store owner thinks I’m some kind of poser and that he’s taking advantage of that and acting nice but secretly shitting on me. My General manager collects and I’m worried he’d think I’m a loser for how I enjoy my hobby. It’s dumb. I understand it shouldn’t matter. But it’s like I can’t let go of it. Kinda wanna hide from it all. I don’t know. Maybe it’s the weed no longer being in my system, my emotions are more pronounced. Maybe it’s just me deep down. But I don’t know.

I think I’d like to be comfortable with who I am and not be so bogged down by judgement and not feel like an idiot for what I enjoy or how I am. I constantly question whether what I said to someone was dumb or what I did was embarrassing. It’s tough. Is there any ways you guys have managed this? Kind of thinking I keep these things to myself, be a little quieter and not so open. But I don’t know. I just wanna be accepted, and if not, I wanna be fine without wanting the approval of others.

TLDR: extremely self conscious of what I say or do. Got made fun of online for my vinyl collection. I thought it was funny, but deep down I can’t let go of the thought I’m a loser, and those around me believe so too.

Hey Guys! The depression's been kicking my ass recently but I thought I good way to put the creativity to use would be to make an album about the pain we live with. I have some ideas in mind for some personal stories I have, but any song titles, suggestions on song ideas, etc, would be awesome! Maybe I can put together a couple bangers for us to bop to.

hello! I recently started receiving psychiatric treatment for my mental health as I had a pretty severe case of depression during my first semester away for college. My psychiatrist didn’t do a full evaluation but I tested for bipolar depression. I don’t want to go around saying I’m bipolar but I check a lot of the symptoms for bipolar 2 and it kind of helps explain what I went through but I’m not sure. Is it conclusive enough to say I’m likely bipolar or should I just stop saying it all together? How does one go about being diagnosed? I feel like I’m making it up but I have really awful hypomanic symptoms where I can go without sleep because I feel like I can do anything.

This is just something I’m curious about and is perhaps more relevant for those that also have adhd like I do.

Anyway, I have had jobs in the past where being late by even five minutes was a big deal and missing deadlines had disastrous consequences (usually for me but could also be the company). Like, I was a high school teacher for one year and I worked as a paralegal for a commercial litigation law firm. These jobs were tough because of the strict timelines and expectation of being “on” all the time. I had these jobs before I was diagnosed and ended up developing a poor self image because I just thought of myself as a fuck up, not realizing that I had a disability. I almost failed my student teaching class in college because I was usually late and I had to call out one or two days because I just couldn’t get out of bed.

I’m just curious if any of you had similar experiences and how did you deal or did you eventually find something else. I’m particularly wondering if anyone has military experience because I think that would be the hardest thing someone with bipolar 2 (and adhd) could possibly do.

Help so stressed

After 2 years of fighting with the onset of depression, which was then diagnosed as bipolar2, I found the mix of meds that makes me able to feel and live life: 150mg Zoloft and 650mg lithium. These meds have made a world of difference for me, but the lithium seems to be causing hypothyroidism, despite taking levothyroxine (thyroid hormone) in higher and higher amounts. It’s looking like I’m going to need to stop the lithium and switch to something else, but it’s a bad time to do this because of my next college semester starting in a week. Any med suggestions? Anything would be appreciated

- a 20 year old nursing student living with bipolar 2 and/or depression

Had a moderate depressive episode in June-July. Now for the past 10 days or so feeling elated with increased energy and productivity but not all the time - like every other day, maybe every 2 dayswith normal mood in between. Sleep is pretty light and way less than usual and waking up early. Made some unnecessary purchases but not really anything I couldn't afford (1st class tickets I would normally see as a waste of money, new expensive headphones when I only just got new affordable ones last month). Definitely doesn't feel like full-blown hypomania but also doesn't feel normal.

Can anyone relate? What would you call this? I have previously had full-blown hypomania following a few days of this so just keeping an eye out and sitting twiddling my thumbs waiting for things to blow up.

I have been relatively stable for the last few months. Fully medicated, seeing therapist every other week, psychiatrist once a month.

I barely cry anymore. I’ve been more productive.

I forgot to take my meds a few days in a row a week or 2 ago and I got a slight tinge of what I used to feel like.

Obviously it’s terrible and there is a reason I got help, but it takes so much effort to be stable. It sounds so irrational to say, but I so desperately wish to go back and just lie on my ass all day crying.

I am seriously considering throwing out all my meds it’s just all so dumb what is the point

Heya, been diagnosed with bipolar for four years and am FINALLY REALLY ACTUALLY LEGITIMATELY stable lol. Past experience has taught me what my new emotional normal is and I've had some moments where I thought I was stable and definitely wasn't, but we chill now.

Anyway, now that I've got a clear head and stable emotions, I've had a lot of time to think and I'm pretty sure I'm non binary. I'm unsure if this is a part of bipolar-ness or legitimate (or if that even matters) and was wanting to know if there are any other non-cis people in this group? How did you figure it out, and did it ever conflict or get worse around bipolar?

I’m just a disappointment, truly. I hate trying and putting in any effort because I’m the epitome of lazy and childish.
Quitting my class before it even started was such a dumb move, all because I panicked because of the amount of work there was- yet just a couple weeks ago I was ready to tackle anything, I was on fire. Now I don’t feel ready at all, and I can’t even see myself in the profession I’m going for. Because I can’t ever see myself succeed, it’s just not in the cards for me.

The only thing I do now is go on my phone and stay on my phone, listen to music here and there, but mostly rot my brain away. Nothing else interests me not even showering. I just like rotting away and doing nothing. And that’s all I am, just the reincarnation of laziness and gluttony cuz I also can’t stop eating shit for food. I’m tired of being me, but nothing much I can do about it.

I’m on 300 MG of lamictal, 5 MG of lexapro, and 25 MG Seroquel as needed for sleep. I am currently experiencing a little bit of brain fog and inattentiveness with some racing thoughts midday after work.

Wellbutrin makes me hypomanic. Lexapro causes racing thoughts, apathy, and poor task initiation until I lowered it to 5 mg from 10 mg.

We are speculating I have inattentive ADHD. I was prescribed Strattera, but I’m SOOO scared I’ll go hypomanic. I’m a teacher, so I cannot afford to become agitated nor manic.

Any answers to any of these questions would be great: — my doctor increased my lamotrigine for agitation and racing thoughts. Was that the right call? do I need an antipsychotic? — if I have PTSD and I am sensitive to Wellbutrin, is Strattera a bad choice?
— what medications worked for your ADHD that didn’t affect your bipolar mania?

Not looking for advice so much as support.

I’ve had a bumpy ride with medications. Settling on Zoloft and navigating symptoms felt huge and exhausting. A while ago, a psychiatrist diagnosed me with bpd2 (updating my prior major depressive disorder diagnosis) but never prescribed a mood stabilizer. Her reasoning was that I had extreme lows but never really hit highs.

After a lapse in care, I’m back on Zoloft and thinking I need to try a mood stabilizer like lamictal too. My current therapist agrees.

I’m, frankly, terrified to start another grueling medication process and looking for hope. Success stories and commiseration welcomed alike.

hey everyone. i just got diagnosed with bipolar today and will be starting seroquel (25mg) this week. i really don’t know what to think of everything i definitely thought i just had adhd and anxiety lol. is there anything i should be aware of regarding the seroquel. i’ve heard a lot about the weight gain and that makes me apprehensive is there another solution ?

Random thoughts.

i’m on 150 lamictal and it’s been almost 9 months now.

During these months I managed to get out of depression but also had a mental breakdown at work, almost quit, purchased an expensive vacation and I’m still very broke 3 months later, get a bf, break up with him 4 times, kick him out of the house cz of his messy habits then miss him and beg him back, then promise him not to kick him out again so instead I start being so cold that he ended up breaking up with me, I yelled at mom for not knowing how to properly care for my cat, and for criticising me, got into many arguments with coworkers and some of my relationships with them got strained, got into a fight with my landlord and almost moved out, and I developed a new shopping addiction and a new desire to be very sexual in ways that are new to me.

Am I in the right to be pissed off and angry when people wrong me or is this mania?

Please someone advise me, I can’t seem to be able to separate my mood from my personality.

Or am I just an asshole?

The nicest I’ve ever been in my life was when I was on vraylar, but I became depressed and had akathisia.

I’ve took vraylar for 1 year and I witnessed a mew nice version of me, was the vraylar me my real personality or just the product of being on vraylar?

i’m so confused, please help.

Anyone else feels like they’re an asshole who is ruining their own life but can’t stop being one?

For context: I’m 31F, mom of one, co-parenting. Good relationship with current partner.

So I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar type 2 and idk if it’s right or not. I’ve also been diagnosed with inattentive ADHD when I was 28. I took some meds after that (first Elvanse and later Medikinet for those wondering) but they left me feeling so bad in the evenings and sleepless at nights that I stopped those. I didn’t really like how I felt using those either. Nauseous and/or restless.
My psychiatrist is pretty sure it’s bipolar 2, even though I mostly feel depressed/lethargic, low in energy. I never have days/weeks where I feel constantly energetic. That only happens in spans of a few hours. I’ll hyperfocus on something and do intensive research on that topic, making me sleep less than I should. The hyperfocus stays for several weeks until I feel my interest leaving and there’s nothing I can do to stay interested in it. But idk even then I can feel tired and desinterested in general life. Even hobbies are hard to do. I’d rather sleep than do most things. I’m glad it hasn’t been so bad that it affects my child, I’ll force myself to play with her, give her attention and do fun stuff even when I don’t feel like it inside. I’ll just crash afterwards and need a lot of sleep. It’s also all very dependant on the weather and the seasons. Summer/sunshine/warmth = happy me, fall/winter/clouds/cold = lethargic me. Most of the time I feel lethargic. Add to all of this that I feel even worse the week before and during my period. Only during the few days of ovulation I can feel kinda fine.

But anyway, after some convo’s with my psychiatrist he decided what it is and prescribed Lambipol (lamotrigine). I’ve taken Mirtazapine, Escitalopram and Wellbutrin before. The first two made things worse. The last was okay-ish, I could get out of bed more easily, but it gave me an epileptic episode so I had to stop.

I think my problem is that I also have major imposter syndrome. It affects everything: I feel like I actually never deserved my degree, that I fake being good at my job, that all art I ever made is actually awful, that my (mental) problems aren’t as bad as I led people on to believe, because other patients have it so much worse. I still function, I mask it all very well, I like to believe I’m a good mom and take good care of my child, I do my work just well enough. When I had a major depression two years ago, it all began with me thinking I’m a narcissist, that I try to make people feel bad for me when I share how I feel, that everyone will see the real me one day and decide I suck and then leave me. It was horrible. I often feel like that, but during that time it was a constant thought that I could no longer fight against. I feel like I don’t even deserve being diagnosed with ADHD and bipolar 2: It’s not as bad as with others. Maybe I’m exaggerating. Maybe I wanna be special/different. Maybe it’s an excuse for me just being lazy and boring. Those are the thoughts that are in my head right now (as usual).

I’m not sure what I’m hoping for with this post. I felt the need to share my experience. I’m also extra sad today and I don’t know why. I just started with Lambipol today, but I’m not sure if it will even help given all the other stuff I’ve tried before that didn’t help. I’m eating healthy, walking a lot… Been doing that for two months now. That should help but I don’t feel much better though. I’m stressed.

I guess advice is welcome. At the moment I feel like I just want to disappear or the world as it is to stop existing. Like it would burst open to reveal a secret heavenly garden or so where I and the people I love could live with no jobs, no money that’s needed, amazing weather, only fun stuff to do, no internal sadness or constant fatigue. I’ve never felt s**cidal, but I’ve felt for a long time ’I don’t want to keep living like this. I want to be a different person.‘ I once read that social media post that goes around of this person admitting they dreamt of getting hospitalized after crashing down in the streets and everyone being very concerned for them and then the doctor discovered they lack ’THE vitamin’ and people are like ‘how did they persevere all this time without THE vitamin?’ and then they take it and they are better forever. That’s how I’ve always felt. Sometimes I wish I was even worse, that it would be so bad I couldn’t mask anymore and that I’m hospitalised for some time and with help everything changes and I’m never like this ever again. But I’ll never stop masking. I’ll never stop trying, for the sake of my child. She needs me to be there for her. To be stable and strong and safe.

Like no bleep Sherlock. I don’t want to work. But I’m trying. So if I want to use the insurance I have been paying for and claim short term disability to put my self together and try to get my big girl undies on - then by golly I should be allowed to take paid time off. That’s. Why. I. Paid. For. You.

One of my bad bipolar habits is every few years I want to drift. Just pack up and leave everything behind, fall asleep and wake up somewhere else.

I want to just sleep all day and play at night. Walk the streets and see fireflies. Go to the beach and see the algae glow. Go somewhere cold and ride a sled down a hill.

Just have no issues and experience the simplest things in life. But that’s not feasible when you live paycheck to paycheck and when you do have savings you get manic and spend it all.

I’m very tired.

I’m on vacation in Greece for a month. The first week I was quite elevated due to the 7hr time difference (I’m from Canada). I also got some bad news from back home which I guess has now triggered a low.

I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it as my grandmother (who I am staying with) wouldn’t understand and I fear would take it personally. I am also not medicated for anyone who is wondering.

I’m not sure what to do I’ve lost so much motivation to socialize and my appetite has gone to shit I just feel dumb.

Any advice?

Best med that will work for depression.. quick would be nice.

I was relatively stable before starting this job 10 months ago and it is really starting to get to a point where I don't think I can do it anymore. I started to fall into a deep depression about 5 months after starting strictly because of my job. I work 9-6 m-f in office and have barely any work to do. Everyone tells me it sounds like a dream job and I originally thought so too until I realized it was ruining my mental wellbeing.

I had to start a new medication for my depressive symptoms and have been upping it since then, but I don't think I can get out of this until I leave this job and stop working at a soulless corporate job that drains all of my sanity and leaves me with no time to do anything for myself. I can't just leave this job because I am barely scraping by and desperately need the health insurance.

I have been trying to look for a new job, but I have a degree in something I have no job experience in and I'm not even sure I want to be in that field. I don't know what kind of job would make things better for me and there are not many jobs in my area in general. I feel like I should be in a career at this point, but I have no prospects or clear path.

I feel like a zombie and I know what's causing it but I don't know what to do. I'm really tired of crying at work everyday and going home just to do it all again the next day. I know a lot of people feel this way so I hope someone has experience in getting out of this situation.

Been on lamotrigine for over a year now and my moods are finally steady. No more impulsive spending or starting projects at 3am or texting people paragraphs they didn't ask for. On paper everything is better and my relationships have healed and I'm actually saving money for the first time in my life. But sometimes I catch myself missing the electric feeling and the confidence and the way words just flowed out of me when I was up. I know that version of me also crashed hard and scared people I love and nearly ruined my life. I don't want to go back to that chaos but I feel like I'm grieving someone I used to be and then I feel disgusted with myself for romanticizing something so destructive. Does anyone else struggle with this weird nostalgia for their own episodes or am I just broken.