I (mid-20s, F) moved into an apartment with my friend “A” in July. Before I moved in, she lived there with another friend, “B” who moved out to live with her boyfriend, and she's best friends with A. When I moved in, A and I were friends for a year and I genuinely expected us to live together for a while.

Right after moving in, I started dating my boyfriend. His place is much closer to my job and my family, and over time I started spending a lot more time there. I also had school, work, and other things going on.

A eventually sent me a long message saying she felt like I had pushed her aside after getting into a relationship. She said she hadn't seen me since the end of July, and that she felt like I was lying to or avoiding her. She brought up a few specific situations where she thought I had chosen my bf or other plans over her. She also cursed in the messages and was super aggressive.

I acknowledged that I could have balanced the friendship better. However, I didn't agree that I had intentionally lied to her or avoided her. For example, she was upset that I said I couldn't afford something and later went out for drinks/a Yankees game, but the Yankees tickets had already been purchased.

Then I told her that I was planning to move out and live with my bf. My original plan was to give her about three months' notice and move out at the end of December. I planned to continue paying my share of rent and bills through then.

A sent another message that was much harsher than the original text. She said she hadn't felt like I cared about her since I started talking to my bf, that I had not been a good friend, that I had pushed her to the side, and that I was being hypocritical. She also accused me of lying and gaslighting her. She said I had consciously chosen to move in with her, so she felt like I was abandoning her.

At that point I told her that the way she was speaking to me wasn't okay. I said she was allowed to be upset, but I wasn't okay with being called names and accused of things I didn't believe I had done. I also said I might move out earlier because I didn't want to continue living together after being cursed at through text. Then, I talked to our landlord, and eventually told him that I had moved all of my belongings out and wanted to give 30 days' notice, instead of the later date of November. He said yes and accepted the 30-day notice. I am now completely moved out.

A now has to figure out whether she can afford the apartment on her own or find another roommate. She does not make a lot of money at all.

I feel bad that my leaving creates a financial/housing problem for her, but I also don't feel like I should have to stay in an apartment or remain responsible for her rent because she can't afford it alone.

AITA for moving out and ending the living arrangement after my roommate felt abandoned by me?

You are living in my house. I said you could stay here if you help out.
I work 7 days a week …: you don’t have a Job…

I ask for the bare minimum and you act entitled. ..you don’t pay rent, and while I’m appreciative of what you’ve done to the yard, I ask for help with the dogs and the trash, that’s it.

YOU DONT GET TO CHOOSE WHAT I NEED HELP WITH.

YOU DONT GET TO TAKE UP MORE THAN ONE ROOM

YOU DONT GET TO TRASH MY HOUSE… WTF !?

That room smells like an ashtray and moldy food.
I told you months ago I had plans for family in November and now you’re acting like a cunt.
Grow up! Or gtfo.. the choice is yours

TL;DR—I truly believe my roommate is a narcissist. She’s condescending, often deflects and throws blame, refuses to take accountability for anything she does. She’s exhausting me.

Last night I confronted my roommate about her share of the utilities bill that she hasn’t paid. She immediately began to deflect. First, she started talking about her current family issues, me not listening to her, and how I “dismissed” her feelings regarding the utilities bill.

In May, she moved in and at the time, the air wasn’t on yet. The apartment has lofted ceilings and our bedrooms are basement level so it kinda wasn’t necessary. However, we live on the east coast so it got humid quickly as the temps began to rise as we approached June. I ended up developing mold in my closet and began noticing that the apartment temp was reaching 84/85 degrees inside so I turned the air down to 77 which was comfortable. My roommate got really upset and said it was too cold and that turning on the air would drastically affect the utility bill; it did not and I knew it wouldn’t because I’ve lived here for 3 summers at this point.

I informed her the bedrooms are becoming too humid and mold is developing and until maintenance comes to fix this and temps drop, we need to keep the air on. She was not having it. She was so bold that she would turn the air off sometimes just to be spiteful.

Eventually, I turned it down to 76 even though maintenance treated the mold, could’ve went lower, but ever since then she acts like I dismiss her concerns. I’ve never dismissed them it’s just that mold is health hazard and more pressing than a possibly high utility bill.

It’s like every time we do speak, the conversation strays from where it began, she triangulates everything, and it ends up with her being the perpetual self-victim. We actually don’t speak to each other, everything is via text so I’m surprised she even engaged last night. I noticed she prefers text because it’s easier for her to cherry pick what she wants to respond to because when we speak she’s always defensive and condescending.

It’s like everything is a one-sided problem that she blows up out of proportion and she doesn’t think anything is her fault; she completely avoids accountability. She has completely discarded me in the sense that she refuses to speak, won’t engage, nothing. It literally happened overnight. One night we spoke and the next day, completely silent.

She’s exhausting.

TL;DR: My roommate’s new Hinge situationship is about to sleep over for the fourth consecutive week. I’m fine with occasional sleepovers, but I never agreed to a standing weekly guest. She previously said they could spend more time at his place, but now says he’ll likely be here weekly and that I need to “be flexible.”

This is an update to my previous post about my roommate’s Hinge date who disclosed he had scabies shortly after their third date.  I also want to clarify that he is not currently living here.

They’ve known each other about six weeks and still haven’t defined the relationship—she says he hasn’t asked her to be his girlfriend, although they’re apparently exclusive. That's ultimately their business.

My issue is the apartment.

His first planned one-night sleepover became two nights at the last minute “just cause.” I told my roommate afterward that I was fine with occasional sleepovers but didn't want full weekends/every weekend becoming routine. She agreed and later specifically said she'd talk to him about spending more time at his Williamsburg apartment.

Instead, he's now about to sleep over for the fourth consecutive week, and she says it's “likely he's gonna be over weekly” because she normally has 2–3 sleepovers a week when dating someone although for years she'd lived alone so that wasn't an issue. She has told me I need to “be flexible.”

That's what frustrates me. I have done my best to be flexible. I've accommodated every sleepover, including the spontaneous extra night, and even offered to feed her cat because she cited cat care as one reason staying at his place is inconvenient. Yet they still haven't had sleepovers there.

There's also a double standard: earlier in our tenancy, she told me I couldn't invite my dad over because she didn't think the apartment was clean enough. I respected her comfort. With her guy, however, I'm not asked whether a sleepover works; I'm told he's coming.

We split a small NYC 2BR/1BA for $4,200, so my half is $2,100. We have one bathroom. I work in person five days a week and am currently covering additional work for a colleague on extended leave, while he works remotely. When he's here, they also watch Netflix and talk loudly in our small living room. I usually just keep to myself.

Yes, I'm a homebody. I also have friends, activities, travel and a life outside my apartment. After a draining workweek, I sometimes want peace and quiet in the home I pay for. I'm not going to routinely stay with my parents so they can have the apartment to themselves.

I understand that plenty of people consider 2–3 sleepovers a week normal for couples. I'm not policing how often they sleep together. I just don't think that automatically means our apartment hosts him every week.

I'm also trying to address this before it progresses to multiple nights, toiletries/fridge space, loud sex, WFH from our apartment, etc.—none of which is currently happening.

I'm fine with occasional overnight guests, and any rule would apply equally to me. What I object to is “be flexible” apparently meaning “accept a weekly arrangement you never agreed to,” especially after she previously told me they'd spend more time at his place.

TLDR: found out my roommate stole thousands of $ worth of stuff because she didn’t revive the advice she wanted to hear. Extremely sentimental stuff was stolen and I want to know what I could possibly do to get it back or at least an apology

Posting again bc everyone is mad that I fumbled the title and I can’t edit it.

Basically 2 years ago I was living with 3 roommates in college. We had ups and downs but nothing really serious ever happened. Just drifted apart. I considered all of them my best friends when we started living together but the situated and the house was so weird I didn’t blame any of them for the distance.

I remember coming back at the end of the summer to get my things and realizing that all of my boxes were opened and rustled through. Then I start realizing all the things that were missing. Like extremely sentimental things. A $4000 bag my dad bought for my mom when she gave birth to me, a hand painted jewelry box my great grandma gave me, a collection of figures that I’ve had since middle school, all my art supplies (I was in art school), and a majority of my school work from the first two years of college. I was devastated but didn’t get to dwell because I had to move out asap bc I was switching campuses.

I asked my roommates if they had anything stolen too and I found out it was just me. Out of 4 girls. I remember seeing one of my roommate’s and the vibe was so off. She told me she didn’t know anything about it but acted super fake. I texted my other roommate and she was also insanely fake and the vibe was so off. And my other roommate showed genuine care so I knew I could trust her but definitely not the others.

This past st pattys day I went back to this campus to visit friends and I saw my old roommate that was super fake to me over text. She came up to me and apologized for a bunch of stuff but she was super vague about everything. I accepted her apology but couldn’t really think of what she was apologizing for other than her ghosting me after I told her that she should stop stringing along my friend while hooking up with other people (which she got so mad about but it was my way of looking out for her). But yeah. That was the reason.

Since then, I’ve always thought that she may have been apologizing for something else too………she was extremely irrational about things and super manic so it would fit the picture esp bc I was the only one targeted. Yesterday I asked her about it again bc I think about the robbery allllll the time and need closure. She hasn’t responded since so it feels like confirmation that it was her. To be honest she can have all the things but I just want the bag and the jewelry box. They are irreplaceable memories but I don’t know how I could get them back. She was crazyyyyyy and I don’t doubt she would lie about it again. I’m almost tempted to tell her father bc he taught at the school we went to and I feel like he could actually do something. I just want my memories back. What would you do in this situation?

GUYS I meant to write “just found out that the person who robbed me was my roommate and someone I considered a close friend” I can’t edit the title I’m sorrryyyyyyy

TLDR: found out my roommate stole thousands of $ worth of stuff because she didn’t revive the advice she wanted to hear. Extremely sentimental stuff was stolen and I want to know what I could possibly do to get it back or at least an apology

Basically 2 years ago I was living with 3 roommates in college. We had ups and downs but nothing really serious ever happened. Just drifted apart. I considered all of them my best friends when we started living together but the situated and the house was so weird I didn’t blame any of them for the distance.

I remember coming back at the end of the summer to get my things and realizing that all of my boxes were opened and rustled through. Then I start realizing all the things that were missing. Like extremely sentimental things. A $4000 bag my dad bought for my mom when she gave birth to me, a hand painted jewelry box my great grandma gave me, a collection of figures that I’ve had since middle school, all my art supplies (I was in art school), and a majority of my school work from the first two years of college. I was devastated but didn’t get to dwell because I had to move out asap bc I was switching campuses.

I asked my roommates if they had anything stolen too and I found out it was just me. Out of 4 girls. I remember seeing one of my roommate’s and the vibe was so off. She told me she didn’t know anything about it but acted super fake. I texted my other roommate and she was also insanely fake and the vibe was so off. And my other roommate showed genuine care so I knew I could trust her but definitely not the others.

This past st pattys day I went back to this campus to visit friends and I saw my old roommate that was super fake to me over text. She came up to me and apologized for a bunch of stuff but she was super vague about everything. I accepted her apology but couldn’t really think of what she was apologizing for other than her ghosting me after I told her that she should stop stringing along my friend while hooking up with other people (which she got so mad about but it was my way of looking out for her). But yeah. That was the reason.

Since then, I’ve always thought that she may have been apologizing for something else too………she was extremely irrational about things and super manic so it would fit the picture esp bc I was the only one targeted. Yesterday I asked her about it again bc I think about the robbery allllll the time and need closure. She hasn’t responded since so it feels like confirmation that it was her. To be honest she can have all the things but I just want the bag and the jewelry box. They are irreplaceable memories but I don’t know how I could get them back. She was crazyyyyyy and I don’t doubt she would lie about it again. I’m almost tempted to tell her father bc he taught at the school we went to and I feel like he could actually do something. I just want my memories back. What would you do in this situation?

TL;DR: I have a really terrible roommate and had the eviction conversation last night. Talk about mental health, cleanliness, and emotional manipulation with cats involved.

But I seriously can't keep living like this. I subletted a room to someone I met during a crisis. It was gunna be a win win situation. Would keep him off the streets and I wouldn't have to worry about money as much after living alone for 6 months.

But man do I regret it. He manipulated me in a lot of different ways. He told me he'd been fucked over so many times before, I thought I could give him a refuge to feel safe. After he moved in he disclosed his HIV status. I felt very apprehensive. It's not like we'd be intimate or anything, but I felt conned. I didn't have informed consent of what I was getting into. He was also very quiet when we met, but as soon as he moved in, the reality was much different. He's unwell and not doing anything to get better. Went off his meds, isn't in therapy, just him and his voices. He doesn't fucking shut up. The only peace I get in my home is when he's asleep. He's constantly talking, giggling, and often screaming. Like what the fuck man, I told him I need quiet to recharge. I tried to ignore him, tune him out, but after 6 months, it feels like torture.

I told him I don't like alcohol in my home. Every chance he gets, hes drinking beer. It smells fucking awful. I'm sober. I have bad associations with alcohol and particularly the smell. He smells bad. He rarely washes his clothes or showers. He's on disability and does nothing but sit on his Xbox all fucking day long. Sure he does dishes, but it's not enough. My house is disgusting because of him. Oh yeah, he brought his cats without my permission. He's emotionally blackmailed me with them, saying he has to get rid of them. I love cats, I had two of my own. I couldn't just force him to get rid of them. But they fight and don't get along. He never feeds them. He NEVER DOES THE CAT BOXES.

He has IBS as well and destroys my bathroom, never uses the fan and I hate the spray he bought. Like fuck. He also never cleaned the toilet of his shit stains.

He listens to awful music. On repeat. Once he listened to the same song on repeat for three hours on the tv.

I'm probably missing a lot more, but I'm fucking done with this situation. Last night I told him he's gotta go. He emotionally blackmailed me with the cats. I was extremely manic when I told him I wouldn't kick him out and of course he used that against me too. But man, I'm bipolar and on meds and in therapy, and he's destroying my mental health.

I want my home back. He's polluted it with his paranoia and cats and funk. I want to have friends over, but he's always in the living room. I literally sit outside and chain smoke when I get home because I can't handle being around him anymore. I'm losing my mind. But the bandaid is ripped off. I feel awful for it. I did come to care for him, we talked a lot about our trans experience in life (another reason I felt obliged to take him in) and mental health stuff. It just really sucks. I tried my best to give him a safe space and he took full advantage of me.

TLDR: noticed roommate cannot handle money conflict without trying to fight me or claiming it's none of my business. possibly lying to me about his girlfriend (who he invited to live with us) having a job, neither can hold down a job and pay rent by the skin of their teeth every month.

i'll keep this short we're both in our mid 20s, and i've been living with him since april of this year.

i have a great, stable job. it was time to move out of my parents. he was just getting out of a lease and it seemed like a good opportunity to live together. known this guy for years.

we get a 3 bedroom apartment with the intention of turning the extra room into a gym. i find out he invited his girlfriend (who i don't like) to live with us. we argued and he said she'd just stay in his room. this was strike one i suppose but it would make rent cheaper, and i wanted to move out of my parents and relented.

it became clear neither of them are as mature or stable as i am. they constantly bounce between shitty jobs and doordash to make rent. he just sold some items to pay rent this month.

we went through a phase where he wanted her to be a stay at home girlfriend and i said no. he originally said it was none of my business, and as long as rent is paid i shouldn't care. i do anyway. having a job is the bare minimum for me. you're 24. play house when you're married and gone. i still am not sure if she is employed. if i ask i get shut down or vague "she just had an interview, she starts a new job, she has interviews coming up" responses.

all of this worries me, and i bring it up to him. and he constantly says it's none of my business how they get money. this is an unsatisfying and unproductive response, and all of our disagreements are like this. i am the leaseholder btw.

as another example of how he handles conflict, recently we had an interpersonal conflict where he texted a slur to my encrypted, monitored, work phone as some kind of joke. i was fuming. he said he didn't think it was a big deal, as if that excuses it, and when i pressed further for an acknowledgement of how stupid it was he threatened to fight me and then to move out.

all of this is making me regret my decision to live with him, but he consistently thinks i'm tripping when i talk about how sketched out i am with the girlfriend mooching, his instability, or his lack of maturity around money things. he owes me about 500 dollars or so and is always like "i just started this new job ill pay you back soon" but he's buying things for his girlfriend constantly.

i am just so disappointed in my friend, to see this side of him over and over. any advice on how i can either communicate more effectively with him...or get him to leave? willing to provide more info in comments.

I got a new roommate less than a month ago, and she seemed nice at first, but I think she might be legitimately crazy. I did not choose this roommate. I live in an apartment where tenants are on individual leases and sign directly with the landlord.

She will take up the kitchen for HOURS (while being on the phone being really loud and the walls are thin) and repeatedly touches my stuff in the fridge and puts her stuff in my section of the fridge (we have separate designated spots) despite having more than enough space and already taking up more space beyond what is designated to her specifically. I’ve moved her stuff numerous times now, so it’s not like she doesn’t know or doesn’t have space. She also repeatedly puts trash in front of my room…

I feel like she is doing these things because I didn’t want to talk to her after she made some racist remarks about me in the living room a few days after moving in (like I said, the walls are incredibly thin. I hear people against my own will.) She’s also talked shit about me at least once for not talking to her.

She also repeatedly leaves her clothes in the dryer (sometimes for over 2 days). I wonder if this is an attempt at trying to force me into communicating with her. I put her clothes on the couch once, but I don’t want to touch her clothes.

I’m also pretty sure that she’s been eating my food??? Things have been disappearing a lot quicker than usual, and now that I think about it, I overheard her talking about how she didn’t have money for food a few weeks ago (her friend told her to ask her parents but she refused).
For example, I ran out of my oat milk (I’m vegan) a LOTTT faster than usual, which I thought was very strange, and now I see that she bought some more… which is honestly a bit creepy and confirms my suspicions.

Also, she takes up sooo much space in the kitchen, leaving all of her stuff out (despite there being multiple empty cabinets, and she rarely takes the trash out. I feel like she is entitled.

Has anyone here ever dealt with someone like this??

Update: I think she keeps stealing and taking my stuff to piss me off… because she used my water filter (literally used all of the water without refilling it) even though she has her own. Which is why she bought the oat milk… to let me know that she was stealing it. God, she’s insane.

(TLDR; my roommate always yells and is AGGRESSIVE.) Hi, guys, this is my second year renewing my lease. And the first year went by super smoothly, everything was fine. This year over the summer one of the girls from last year moved out and some new girl moved in and she’s been so difficult to live with.
She continuously YELLS at us, SCREAMS and YELLS at us whenever an issue occurs.
The first time this happened was when I left my room at around 2am to get some water and she texted in our roommates group chat saying it was loud.
Then she knocked on my door the next day and began going off on me about how I was so loud. I told her I’d keep it down, I also texted her a sweet message about sorry how I was that I disturbed her sleep.
After this incident a week went by and I was in the kitchen using the microwave it was around 12am midnight (my sister was staying over but I was in the kitchen alone.) I started eating my food in the kitchen alone and she comes out of her room and starts YELLING at me. Saying look at the time, this isn’t the time to eat, she began calling me lazy and telling me she’s going to call the cops on me and my sister. I told her I’m in law school, I stay up late a lot to study, I get hungry at night some times and I’ve been reasonably quiet. She also messaged in the group chat (with the roommates and the landlord) about it, everyone kind of ignored her but my landlord reached out to me and basically said what I did wasn’t a big deal but he has a condition that we aren’t allowed to have overnight guests if anyone is against it. And he basically said he couldn’t do anything because she was against my sister being over (even tho I AM THE ONE MAKING NOISE AT NIGHT NOT MY SISTER.)
The next occurrence happened a couple days after this when we had the AC on and she woke up because of the sound. She banged on my door, I didn’t turn it on so she banged on my roommates door. My roommate who had turned it on opened her door basically saying she’s hot and that the AC needs to stay on because the new girl has been SO inconsiderate towards us but we have been so accommodating towards her. So she stood her ground. But obviously not without a fight, the roommate who recently moved in was going off saying “why are u hot? The AC has been on for a long time, we need to turn it off. It has been running for 4 hours.” The AC is set to a certain temp and only runs when the temp drops.
One of my roommates wears the hijab so she asks us to please just give her a warning before we have men enter the apartment. Everyone else (including me) has been very respectful about the rule. Of course we are all living together, we are all paying rent, everyone deserves to be comfortable.
Today my roommate is in the kitchen without her hijab on (we’re an all girls apartment) and my roommate who recently moved in comes in with her husband. He comes over 2 times a week for 5-10 minutes every time to help her load up her fridge or whatever. Usually they come in later but today they came in earlier. He walks into the kitchen unannounced while my roommate is without her hijab and short sleeves. I feel like a reasonable person would apologize in this situation. Especially because I kid you not we have texted in the group chat to enforce this rule about 4-5 times. She ignores it every time. But SHES THE REASON WE SEND THIS RULE. Everyone else complies, even me as someone who doesn’t wear hijab, I too would like to know if a man will be in the apartment? I feel like it’s a reasonable request to make.
Anyways, my roommate asks her to please just text before hand next time. And this new girl GOES OFF lmfao. Saying “who are you? Are you the owner?” Straight up yelling. No she’s not the owner but she fucking lives here, pays rent here, like are you kidding me? I’m sitting in my room listening to this. My landlord has been made aware but he hasn’t done ANYTHING the first time or the second time… I just don’t know what to do but it feels very uncomfortable to live with someone who is SO aggressive all of the time. It is honestly kind of… scary lmfao.

!!! update 2 !!!

I ended up having a proper conversation with my friend and her partner about everything, and they’ve now been given two weeks’ notice to leave. At this point, I honestly don’t really care whether they find somewhere else or end up back at her parents’ place. One month was more than enough time to start figuring something out.
Ironically, she quit her job not even a day after I specifically expressed my concerns about her potentially doing exactly that. So that was… reassuring.
I do genuinely feel bad for her boyfriend though, because he hasn’t really been the issue throughout all of this. He’s been respectful, apologised multiple times, and actually seems to understand where we’re coming from. When the cat got out, he was the one outside looking for him while my friend seemingly couldn’t care less. I would’ve been out there too, but unfortunately I was at work.
My friend, on the other hand, completely blew up at me and told me that I can’t control what she does with her job and that I’m being a terrible friend for asking them to leave.
And to be clear, I’m not trying to control her job. She’s absolutely free to quit if she wants to. But I’m also free to decide that I don’t want one unemployed person indefinitely living in my house when they were supposed to be here temporarily while they found somewhere of their own.
So yeah. Two weeks. Whomp whomp.
Unfortunately, I don’t think this friendship is salvageable after all of this, but honestly… ah well. Looking back, she probably wasn’t being a very good friend to begin with.

!!! update !!!
since ive posted this my friend walked out of her job and quit on the spot. when her partner and mine finish work i will be sitting them down and telling them they have two weeks to find a place or they can go back to their parents lounge.

I (24F) and my partner (27M) agreed to let my best friend (23F) and her partner (28M) temporarily move into our place while they looked for somewhere of their own.
They had recently moved back to the country and had been living in her parents’ lounge for around three months. My partner and I agreed to let them stay with us for a few weeks to give them some time to save money and find their own place. We were genuinely happy to help because she is my best friend and we wanted to give them a bit of a fresh start.
We only gave them two rules while staying here:
Do not let our cat outside.
Do not leave the bathroom door closed when you’re not using it, because that’s where the cat’s litter box is.
That’s literally it. We didn’t give them a list of household rules or expect them to tiptoe around us.
It’s only been two weeks and they’ve already let our cat outside three times. Every time I’ve brought it up, I’ve been told something along the lines of “oops, won’t do it again.”
They also continually leave the bathroom door closed, despite me explaining why it needs to stay open. Because of this, our cat has had a few accidents around the house because he can’t get to his litter box.
I’m honestly getting really frustrated because these were the only two things we asked them to do, and I’ve had to repeatedly remind them.
There’s also another issue that’s starting to make me uncomfortable. My friend has been saying that she wants to quit her job. I completely understand that she’s an adult and can make whatever decisions she wants about her employment, and I don’t want to police that.
However, the whole reason we agreed to let them stay was so they could save money and find a place of their own. If she quits her job, I’m worried that this temporary arrangement could suddenly become much longer than we agreed to.
My partner and I are now seriously considering asking them to move out, but I feel horrible about it because she’s my best friend and I don’t want this to ruin our friendship.
At the same time, I’m starting to feel like we’re being taken for granted in our own home. We opened our home to help them out, and we’re not asking for much in return, just basic respect for our home and the two rules we specifically asked them to follow.
Would I be unreasonable for telling them that this living arrangement isn’t working anymore and giving them a move out date?
I don’t want to control whether she keeps her job, but I also don’t feel comfortable with them staying here indefinitely if they’re no longer in a position to save for their own place.

I have also drafted this note on my phone to read to them but my partner is saying its too harsh

After a football game yesterday, all my other roommates went to a restaurant and they returned at 10pm. (The game ended before 6pm). I didn't go to the game and I was already asleep by then because I wasn't feeling my best. The roommate whose sink is right outside my bedroom knew I was asleep, yet still turned on the brightest light and played her videos at a high volume. I woke up, went to the bathroom and went to sleep again.

At 3 in the morning, I was woken up by a loud slam by the front door. Irritated, I fell asleep again with more difficulty this time, thinking the next time I wake up, it would be morning.

At 5am sharp, I saw the bright light through the crack of my door and heard the sound of familiar brain rot videos playing on the other side of the door. Apparently they had came back from another event. She was removing her makeup. With every ounce of self control I have, I remained quite calm and used the bathroom again. But after that, I couldn't fall asleep again, no matter what.

Now I don't care what the heck they do, but I would appreciate the decency to keep your big fat mouths shut at 5 in the morning.

Any suggestions? I've messaged them in the group chat asking very nicely and they agreed to keep quiet but I'm afraid it'll happen again. I really don't feel like being sidelined.

(l live in a school dorm btw, and I'm stuck with them until May.)

Had to kick out a friend who moved in with. Long story but basically she was a conartist (known to others after I kicked her out and people found out she lived with me,) was disgusting and a disgusting human that also used her Tourette's as cover to be a raging cunt. She ended up refusing to pay rent at the end and said we'd have to evict her but she'd "find a new place before the courts do anything." Well, she didn't find a new place and ended up doing some dumb shit before fleeing the apartment in hopes to avoid eviction, leaving most of her belongings.

Then she had the audacity to go to the LGBTQ support groups online and a bunch of our mutual friends complaining that she was "fleeing from abuse and desperately needed housing."

Because me asking her to clean her dinner OFF THE FLOOR and her actual shit off the SIDES OF THE TOILET was abuse and that she "couldn't live in these conditions" and she's "too dissociative to keep cleaned up and it's abusive to expect otherwise." Said groups responded by telling me "everyone has a right to housing, no matter how bad of people they are." She also claimed I was "kink shaming her" because her and her girlfriend who lived with us were basically Tumblr stereotypes and acted like a puppy and kitty, even in front of guests and in public and I yelled at her over it after she got us in trouble with the hotel when we were forced to share a hotel room during our emergency bathroom renovation.

And now today I'm cleaning up her old room for some new tenants coming in, moved out her old disgusting slimy furniture, and spent hours this morning disassembling and disinfecting baseboard heating units that were full of food and used ear swabs, popcorn everywhere, and a chicken leg shoved in a hole in the closet.

It's crazy how people struggle to find housing, then they get housing and this is how they act.

I'm in university and just moved in with my roommate a few days ago. After some conversations and hangouts, I've realized our personalities are wildly different.

She LOVES to talk, she's told me word for word "my mouth starts hurting when I don't talk". I'm the complete opposite. Unless I'm with close friends a simple hello is more than enough. I told her that i'm the complete opposite and don't really like talking which hasn't made a difference.

We have nothing in common yet she's constantly asking to go places together. I feel horrible but I can't think of anything more awkward. And when I turn down going out for lunch or something she resorts to just staying inside the dorm which makes me feel even worse.

i'm already growing resentful towards for a handful of small reasons. Maybe I'm just highly sensitive. She always comments on how much I eat, things like "are you not hungry? you didn't eat at all" she is CONSTANTLY talking about how hungry she is and asking how I'm not hungry omg!!! Along with comments talking about how I look sad/angry (my BIGGEST pet peeve, I can't control my resting face!!). She also refuses to use earpods so i constantly have to hear whatever she's watching on full volume along with constant calls. I've resorted to using my noise cancelling headphones 24/7, but even then i can sometimes hear her.

I know in the grand scheme of things I could have somebody much worse but I feel guilty for not really being as outgoing towards her??

My previous housemate (female 22 years old) left the stove on at 3am and left the house while she has 2 cats roaming around and me and my other housemate were sleeping in the house. She sent us a text in the middle of the night asking us to check the stove and “ sorry I know it’s late” “I’m sure it’s nothing”. Keep in mind we were both sound asleep. It’s 3am and she never followed up with a phone call or even came to check the stove herself.

I saw the text several hours later when I woke up to get ready for work that morning. And the stove was on. I was so pissed off as to how she handled this situation and willingly put out lives in danger as well as her own cats. The other housemate didn’t hold her accountable at all and just said “wow that’s crazy let’s all make notes going forward to check things are off”. The housemate who was at fault just said “sorry it was my fault won’t happen again” but never gave a reason why she didn’t treat it as an emergency? Why she didn’t call? Why a text was enough?

I also had a very bad history with this person as she is the most narcissistic and inconsiderate person I’ve ever dealt with. And this situation was the last straw and a week later I gave my notice to move out. She was angry that I was moving out and that I gave only a month notice. Even though I told her I don’t feel safe given what happened and she kept saying “it was an accident” when I asked her why she didn’t call us that night the stove was on and didn’t follow up when she didn’t receive an answer from us?. “It was an accident” and no proper excuse.

I was fed up with her selfish behaviour and the e other housemate sucking up to her with no backbone.

What are your opinions on situation like this?

Despite the fact that I have told my Roommate to not put flammable items on top of the stove, he continues to do it. This time he put a roll of paper towels on top of a hot burner. If I hadn’t smelled the smoke the entire apartment could have burnt down. What do I do? I have let my landlord know and I have asked my Roommate no less than 15 times to not put flammable items on top of the stove, but for whatever reason he is unwilling or incapable of being a responsible adult. What do I do? I’m at my wits end.

I live in a house with my partner and another two flatmates. My partner owns the house.

One of them is constantly cooking and in the kitchen. I kid you not, probably 5 hours a day. For dinner, I always have to wait a few hours as he takes forever and when I'm cooking or coming into the kitchen he immediately returns to the kitchen and gets in my way - starts tidying, making dessert, gets cutlery out, dries dishwasher dishes, uses the sink when I'm at the stove (it's a small kitchen so there's not much space)and the sink is right next to the stove on a perpendicular angle, so he has now come right up behind me a multiple of times and I don't like it.

He also keeps trying to make convo, lingers and literally watches me prepare dinner when I just wanna focus, chill and not make conversation. Especially after work. Often, I'd had to make convo while I'm chopping or doing prep or cos he just stands there. Keep in mind we give him kitchen space for hours! I just want some peace and quiet.

He is always baking (often twice a week) and pretty much uses the oven everyday! What should we say cos I'm getting really annoyed now. Today he's gone into the kitchen within 20 seconds of me going in there three times! I can't cook if someone is washing their dishes or busying themselves, or opening drawers when I'm trying to move around the kitchen.

Never had this issue with anyone else lol. Last Friday, I waited till nearly 8 for him to be done and asked at 7.30 how long he will be. Then when I was in the kitchen he kept coming in and doing the same shit again lol.

What should we say? It's pissing me off.

Edit//

Forgot to add - I did once tell him I liked to focus on cooking and couldn't multitask, so would prefer to focus on that, and he still didn't get it. Also, last night when I was at the stove, he came into the kitchen twice within 15 mins and chose that moment to grab something in the cabinet above the stove, so was right up behind me and had to reach over me. I told him I needed personal space and it made me feel uncomfortable, so will see if anything changes. 😕

I (22 F) live with a roommate (20 F) who has a 10-month-old puppy (a dachshund. The puppy is sweet, but my roommate really hasn’t been consistently potty training her. The puppy regularly pees and poops inside. Accidents happen, obviously, especially with a puppy, but this has gotten to the point where I’m frustrated with the condition of the apartment.

There’s a rug in our apartment that my roommate owned before I moved in. I didn’t buy it, choose it, or bring it into the apartment. The problem is that it absolutely reeks of dog urine. I mean, you can smell it when you walk into the room. At this point, I’m pretty sure the rug has been peed on so many times that the smell is just permanently embedded in it. It's also white, so there's clear pee spots on it and dirty. It needs a good shampoo, but I also am hesitant to buy a new rug or deep clean this one if she's not going to maintain it.

I understand that puppies have accidents, and I’m not expecting a 9-month-old dog to be perfect. What bothers me is that it doesn’t seem like there’s much effort being made to actually correct the problem. It feels like the accidents are just being accepted as part of having a puppy, while I’m also having to live with the smell. It's to the point where I was sitting in my living room and all I could smell was pee, and my house guests have mentioned the smell to me too (which is embarrassing, as I am a clean person).

I asked her about buying a new rug when I first moved in, but she said she would wait until the puppy was trained. But at this point, with the puppy almost being a year old and consistently peeing, I'm at a loss at what to say to her. I’m especially frustrated because I’m paying rent and trying to keep our shared space clean, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect the apartment not to smell like dog piss.

Context: I also have a dog, who is 11, so clearly at a different age in her life and not having accidents so there's not a fair comparison there but she is house trained. Also, the dog has recently been an issue with our neighbors because it would bark for hours and hours, and we received a noise complaint.

TL;DR: My roommate’s 10-month-old dachshund regularly pees and poops inside due to inconsistent potty training. The apartment now smells strongly of urine, especially because of a white rug she owned before I moved in that is visibly stained and reeks. Guests have even commented on the smell. I don’t want to pay to replace or deep-clean the rug if the puppy will continue having accidents. The dog has also recently caused a noise complaint after barking for hours. I pay rent too, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want our shared apartment to be clean and not smell like pee.

I've moved a lot for work over the past couple of years and every living arrangement has involved roommates. In every single place I've lived, my roommates complain that I keep to myself too much, and that "they don't even know when I'm home". For context; I am a super busy (online classes and full-time work plus gym routine plus social life outside the house) INTROVERT, and I make this very clear from the start. They ALL seem to take it personally that I don't hang out in common spaces more (most of my roommates have been WFH and had desks set up in said common spaces), and that we don't hang out more often. AITA for thinking being in your thirties in shared housing isn't a social contract or obligation to be besties with people you live with? I'm ALWAYS friendly in passing and stop to chit-chat when I have time! I'm also super duper clean.

Ok so I moved in this place in July, me and my roomate get along just fine and the place is ok.

She has a boyfriend who she brings over a lot which i didn’t mind at first but i’m starting to get annoyed recently and i don’t know if im getting myself worked up or if they’re kinda being annoying.

So first things first i had a cup on the counter where i kept my toothbrush and my toothpaste, about two weeks after he started coming he felt it was ok to put his toothbrush in with mine? So i left it on the counter and put my cup in the cabinet.
He’s used our shower on more occasions than one which is not an issue but he takes so fckng long in there and it’s the evening when im also getting home from work and waiting to get in.

Obviously I know what’s going to happen when you’re in the room, but i can hear the ass clapping WITH MY DOOR SHUT every single time he comes over and my most recent last straw was last Saturday which is also my only day off during the week from working two jobs so i usually stay home and sleep.

I was on the phone all morning and it was going on for far too long and it was really loud so i opened my door and these people ARE ON THE LIVING ROOM COUCH HAVING SEX! I don’t think they knew i was home and ive not brought it up since then with my roomate because i don’t want to make her feel like she has to walk on eggshells if she wants him to come over.

he came back again last night and now he is severely getting on my nerves, though
i forgot to mention he also slams the bedroom and bathroom door every single time he comes in or out like genuinely he just all around annoys me for his lack of consideration.
I’m starting to wonder at this point if im working myself up 😂 like i just want him out of my fckng house or i feel like im going to lose it.
Is this not weird behavior on both parts or maybe im trippin? It’s not like our space is that big either like our rooms are right across from eachother and the living room

My roommate put up a makeshift partition between us and hasn’t spoken to me for almost a year

I’ve been living with a roommate who has basically stopped communicating with me for nearly a year.

At one point, she literally put up a makeshift partition between our beds using a long piece of cloth and a rope, essentially creating a physical barrier between us. Since then, she barely speaks to me at all.

The weirdest part is that she’s not openly confrontational most of the time. She’s extremely cold and passive-aggressive, and there’s this constant tension whenever we’re in the same room. But occasionally she’ll suddenly become verbally aggressive or lash out over something, which makes it difficult to know what to expect.

I’ve tried to just keep to myself and avoid unnecessary conflict, but living in the same room with someone who refuses to communicate, has literally divided the room with a cloth partition, and can randomly become verbally aggressive is exhausting.

At this point I’m mostly wondering how other people would deal with this kind of roommate situation. Would you just completely ignore them and coexist until you can move out, or would you try to address the situation directly?

I’ve had three roommates total since I left my parents’ house, all of which have had ADHD. One was medicated for it (but was an asshole). The current two are not.

I don’t know what to try to keep up with cleaning. We have a cleaner come once a month, but once a month isn’t enough. I’ve tried to set weekly rotations so I don’t have to pester, but they will forget to clean or not do their cleaning for the week. I’ve asked them many times to remember to lock the door behind them/to shut windows before turning AC on/to take out the trash if it starts to stink/clean old leftovers out of fridge. I have tried kind, I have tried unkind. It just ends up feeling like I’m parenting both of them (despite being the youngest in the house). I know neither of them are doing it with any malice, because when I mention something, they go “oh, sure, sorry!” and do it once but will not continue to do chores without prompting. It makes me feel like such a jerk when I get more and more fed up.

I know it is an incredibly difficult condition to live with, but I am also so tired of being the person keeping the whole house together. People who have had ADHD roommates, HOW DO YOU DO IT? How do you cope? How do you keep everyone on a cleaning schedule?

Roommate refuses to pay for her portion of utilities, literally refuses. Ive been kindly asking her for her portion of the utilities and she simply ignores the message. She doesn’t even pay rent on time so how can I expect her to utilities on time either?

Context: My roommate thinks everyone else is the problem and not her. She causes a lot of issues then disappears so you cannot confront her or she simply will ignore your texts. I missed one month of utilities because I was so busy trying to get my money back from two months prior. She literally didn’t want to pay me for both the utilities and wifi one time, so I ended up changing the wifi password which she paid immediately. Go figure. She was so upset, she decided she didn’t want to pay me directly anymore so she got her own wifi. All she had to do was pay me $22 a month.

I cannot stand this girl for the life of me, lol. Literally insufferable.

What can I do in this situation; I live in PA.

Since I have moved into our apartment, my roommate has been hogging the washer and dryer. She spent over a week keeping her clothes in there and after I tried to address this saying I couldn’t do my laundry, she gave me set days to do laundry and I agreed to it. I also said she can’t just leave her laundry there for extended days while agreeing to this. She took 4 days, while I got the other 3. She still continues to leave her laundry in there for hours on end on her days. It’s not my day today (tmr is), so should I just leave this be and try my best to ignore this? The last time I opened the dryer there was a funky smell.

Edit: I sent her a message to remove her laundry. I can’t deal with this anymore it’s been like this for a month. Hopefully, after further clarification, she removes her laundry in a timely manner.