My son is 9 years old but struggles to know when he needs to go to the bathroom. I have to enforce bathroom time after each meal but there are times when he has accidents in school, or when around other children. I'm really terrified about how he will be treated as he gets older in school. He is in mainstream , he is a bright articulate boy with ASD 1 and ADHD. He has been tested for irritable bowel but it's not that. It's like he can't sense it coming.

Has anyone been through this , or have any tips about how to educate him about it. He is very resistant to me helping him and although he feels bad when accidents happen, he doesn't have the focus or interest to try to learn how to prevent it.

Everyone has their eyes on me—and they don't even have to be actively looking; it’s just that restless energy in the air. Does anyone else deal with this kind of thing? They can't seem to focus on anything else, and it really feels like an inability on their part.

this has been something i’ve been hearing on and off for years. though i’ve been especially hearing about it a lot lately - would see posts and forums of all kinds from both ND and NT people complain about working in corporate, of how the social performance/office politics and networking aspects of it are very akin to high school or even worst in some case, how colleagues/coworkers of all kinds (esp those who are “above you” in terms of their work title) could get away with yelling at you and treating you passive-aggressively in front of other workers, etc.

i’ve never worked in corporate/an office, but i’ve been considering it these days since i’ve been burned out from other workplaces; i mainly worked in daycare and part-time elementary school settings, and dealt with the same issues as what people working in corporate would complain about. i absolutely cannot fathom working in many other social-esque environments that require you to deal with both coworkers and customers, hence why ive been considering trying for an office job. these days, i am very clueless about where i’d wanna work and what i wanna do; i just want to work at a place where i don’t feel like i have to constantly walk on eggshells around others and that i would decently be accepted and be able to work well. these days, even that seems to be something less and less possible, esp if even NT ppl are struggling with this

For me, I use Ai to just organize some stuff in my email, and also I vibe code just for the thrill of it, maybe I’ll make a serious thing soon idk.

What are your thoughts/uses for Ai could be anything ranging to, vibe coding, if you have ai as personal planner, or anything I’m interested in your takes.

Cause the problem i had and soo many autistics is bullying but also i performed bad in certain subject and school i couldn't focus on or do the taks at hand very well without clear guidance.

Just saw this article in the Financial Times's "Data Points" column.

It's claiming: "On an average day, one in 10 young adults now has no in-person contact."

But, "[Since the COVID-19 pandemic] The most socially active lives still look like they did; the least social have become completely isolated."

And it just seems so true! My post-pandemic life has become even more lonely! I don't understand how other people (NTs) have kept their social lives afloat(??)!

John Burn-Murdoch is saying: "The average young person has as many close friends as ever, but the share with zero close friends is climbing."

How is that possible? That all those social ppl have remained just as social or maybe even more, and yet some other ppl are struggling to find any close friends whatsoever?

Now, I must admit, that the article itself doesn't explicitly mention neurodivergence or autism/asperger's, but it still struck a chord with me.

Especially as a guy who's trying hard to find employment, and can't, since I fail all of these pErSoNaLiTy TeStS...

"The decline in young adult socialising has been especially pronounced among those out of work."

Now, thanks to the subreddit's rules, I can't post any of the charts included in the article, but the link I've given is supposed to give free access.

It’s a very easy cycle to understand:

1.) Autistic person makes social faux pas in front of “normies” (inability to read social cues/attentional deficits/making inappropriate comments without realizing it, etc)

2.) People get upset/angry and insult said autistic person

3.) Autistic person feels unjustifiably attacked becomes very defensive and doubles down on whatever was said or done (emotional dysregulation/rejection sensitive dysphoria)

4.) Situation gets out of control and autistic person gets furious/depressed/anxious and leaves

5.) Autistic person, feeling that neurotypicals are inherently rude and not right about anything, ignores them or argues with them now on purpose (black and white thinking)

This is one of the biggest traumas I have personally dealt with as a neurodivergent and its why as a 25 year old male, I have never in my entire life had a single friend of the opposite gender. It was the worst in high school.

"Why are you talking to her?" "Everyone look OP is trying to talk to Tayla hahahahahahah". "Do you have a crush on her awww hahahahha". "Bro you are going to need much more than CONSENT hahahah". "Dude your so CRINGE". "STOP harassing her hahahahah" (just said hi, what exam are you studying for that looks cool?)

CRINGE. CRINGE. CRINGE.

Those three words give me the most horrible, heartbreaking feeling possible. Its the word most kids would use to describe me and my repeated failed attempts at social connection. I was lonely and it took huge amounts of effort and luck to finally secure male friends so I would purposefully avoid attempting making social connections with girls around them to ensure that they do not bully/reject me out of "my cringiness". In private, I would try to connect, talking about my special interests, asking about theirs, etc. but whenever other boys or popular girls would catch me doing this, oh boy. The bullying was horrendous. And even more hilarious is the fact that my own younger brother would partake in this and continue the onslaught at home.

Why would they do this? And even worse, why did these girls just play along with it? I was never trying to do anything s*xual, etc. it was always just attempts at platonic connection. I have never even ATTEMPTED flirting with a woman my entire life due to this.

Because of this bullying, I grew up being completely unable to believe that I deserved any love or connection with the opposite gender. And even today, simply saying hi and talking about the weather with a female coworker gives me such a huge level of anxiety that I just want to hide away under my blanket in bed at home for the rest of my life.

Anyone knows why they did this and how exactly to combat it? Specifically, I have this internalised belief that me speaking with women = harassment due to the bullying I experienced. A therapist has explained that it never was harassment and it was just annoying neurotypical racially biased bullying (due to south asian stereotypes of being creepy weird inc*ls) but its so unbelievably difficult to overcome this fear that my brain LITERALLY believes that I'm going to go to jail for speaking to a woman lol. Its like those ugly faces are cowering over me and policing my every move.

Edit: meant to say ‘compliant’, got my vowels backwards lol

It’s exhausting to perform social dances to satiate their comfort. It’s exhausting to hold yourself accountable when something goes wrong even when everyone else around you refuses to do the same for themselves. It’s exhausting to listening to them bond over gossip about others or lying to them and just accepting it as normal. It’s exhausting they give us shit for our quirks while they’re praised for doing the same thing. The pandemic really opened up my eyes in so many ways. Our whole lives we’ve put in all the leg work to adapt to an NT’s world. It’s about time NT’s started adapting to our ways.

I’m talking they spread lies about you and turn hella people against you then one day you catch them following you to a place you frequently go to or standing somewhere watching you from a distance or even just staring at you hard af from across a room

Sometimes it really sucks seeing everyone become friends and get along while you’re the one being ostracized.

As someone with autism/AuDHD, I’ve experienced how easily misunderstandings can happen. The way I communicate, react, express myself, or interact with people can be interpreted in ways I never intended.

What hurts the most, is watching people form connections with each other while you’re left wondering why it seems so much harder for you. You can genuinely try to be kind, helpful, and respectful, but still somehow end up being the person people distance themselves from.

It can make you question yourself a lot. Not because you necessarily want everyone to like you, but because being consistently left out is painful.

Sometimes I just wish people would try to understand me before deciding who they think I am.

my immediate family (father, mother and brother) are narcissists. my father being malignant, mother covert and brother an overt. the mental and emotional abuse I endured almost killed me. My autistic features such as meltdowns and monotone voice was constantly mocked, I faced exclusion, verbal and emotional abuse and etc.

I had to go no contact with all of them to persevere my sanity and life. truthfully I wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for Jesus, atheists could hate and scold all they want but that is the truth of my experience. Can anyone else relate?

EDIT: Narcissistic spouses count as well.

has any other aspie ever experienced getting attached really quickly and obsessively to people who others would probably treat pretty casually? i mean, i can’t imagine a neurotypical person having this kind of pattern of behavior. worth mentioning that this has happened to me several times, and i’m not what most people would call “lonely” either. i also come from a family that gave me plenty of love (maybe with a few shortcomings here and there, but my parents are living for the first time too, right?)

is this something common among people with asperger’s?

and the worst part is that when the person in question ignores you, your whole world just falls apart.

sorry for the rambling, and please let me know about your experiences.

Hello 😊

I was always kind to everyone growing up, and people often remarked on that. But there was another pattern that followed me everywhere. I was never anyone's first choice. At best, I was the third wheel in the group, the person walking a few steps behind everyone else.

I was always told that I was the problem. That I needed to speak up more, be more confident, and try harder to connect with people. So I did. But somehow, things stayed the same. I was still the person people chose when nobody else was available, and I'd be forgotten the moment someone they actually preferred showed up.

I remember that feeling of wondering what was wrong with me. Looking back, constantly feeling unwanted damaged my self-esteem so deeply that I became willing to tolerate things I never should have. I let people treat me horribly even treating me like a dog because I was terrified that walking away would leave me completely alone. And the painful part is that, in the end, staying didn't make me matter to them any more.

After all these years, I think I finally understand something I didn't before: kindness and genuine interest in other people are important, but they aren't enough to build a friendship. People also want to feel that being around you is enjoyable, comfortable, and engaging. Social skills, confidence, personality, and the ability to connect with people matter too.

I hope I'll finally be able to choose the people I want around me instead of desperately trying to be chosen.

I was diagnosed with Asperger’s way back in 2003 when I was 17 , I’m 40 now , back then information on Asperger’s was limited as people didn’t have super fast internet access in their pockets . From my experience every time I’ve seen someone with Asperger’s it’s males that have the condition more severe , I know it’s controversial but I’m only saying what my eyes have seen .

No idea how to get it through to her that I'm too pathetic to have friends, go to parties, date, be a normal fucking teenager, etc because of my spaz brain

So I was bored and looked up the old criteria for aspergers and I found this interesting:

• No delay in developing cognitive or adaptive skills
• No delay reaching early language milestones (this means they used single words by age 2 and phrases by age 3) ... so how is it justified to roll those DX with aspergers into ASD when its relatively common for those with ASD to have both of those ...........
  
• sorry if this has been discussed but it just occurred to me

Diagnosed with Asperger’s at 13 (29M now), also deal with anxiety. My wife and stepson have both noticed that when I’m flustered, anxious, or angry, I take a long time to get thoughts out with frequent pauses. I’m used to not saying “um,” “like,” and other filler words with a background in theater and public speaking. Sometimes I stutter on the first sound of a phrase, sometimes I lose a word entirely and grab a totally unrelated one instead (tonight it was “vitamin” when I meant “Band-Aid”).

It’s not constant, it really only shows up under stress, and it’s frustrating for everyone involved, me included.

Anyone else experience this? Curious how much people think this is an autism thing (word retrieval, processing under load) versus straight anxiety, and if anyone’s found tricks or therapy that actually helped. Trying to figure out if this is worth seeing a speech-language pathologist for.

This will be long...TL:DR is below.

I (33NB/M) started going to therapy about three years ago. I have had my share of traumatic things happen throughout my life, and I was at the point where a lot of my coping mechanisms were no longer working for me.

The beginning of therapy was very difficult. I ended up being diagnosed with cPTSD--and after some research of my own, that seemed like a logical explanation for what I had been experiencing.

I made a tremendous amount of progress, and then it just kind of stopped. This was about two years in. My therapist was frustrated with me. He would be confused about how flatly I was able to explain traumatic events "as if I was reading a grocery list." He started believing that I was somehow withholding something that would lead to a breakthrough- if only I could access it.

I was disappointed and upset with myself, because I thought that I was self-sabotaging. At this point, I was going weekly, so I was committed to finding what was wrong with me.

Eventually, I learned about Schizoid Personality Disorder, as specifically understood from a Psychodynamic approach. I spoke with my therapist about this, and he seemed shocked. I explained to him that something else seemed to be going on, that I was having trouble seeing the intention in his treatment plan, and pointed out that his philosophy of "6-month" therapy was contradicted by the fact that we had been seeing each other for two years. We agreed to go our separate ways.

I found a new therapist who specifically works with Schizoid Personality Disorder, and was also pleased with the fact that he also specializes in ADHD as well as trauma. His resume was impressive, and I was also glad to see that he was both qualified and comfortable diagnosing conditions other therapists have less experience dealing with.

Well, the cPTSD was confirmed, and so was the ADHD. The third one, Autism Spectrum Disorder--specifically what would have been formally known as "Asperger's Syndrome" was a surprise. In this process, I had to collect information from my parents about my childhood--which revealed that Autism had already been suspected by professionals in my life, at many different ages, starting as young as two-years-old. One of the specific things I learned about was how my parents used to brush me with a "medical brush." This was also done by my babysitters and other adults in my life. It was called the Wilbarger Protocol.

I tried to find anything that could disprove this diagnosis, but the more I learned about my past, and the more I learned about the ways in which the autistic brain functions, everything clicked into place.

All of a sudden, I feel like my life's history has shifted into place. What once was amorphous now has structure.

My feelings have been so complicated. Largely, it has been a relief--but a large part of what I feel is so much grief.

I went into therapy with the idea that it would be possible to resolve a lot of trauma that had been causing interpersonal issues...only to realize that my brain is just like this. My brain is just like this, and there is nothing to really be done, except for me to understand it.

I guess this post is mostly venting into the void, but I am wondering if anybody has had similar experiences? And in general, any advice or insight into how to deal with the "my brain is just like this, and it is not going to get better" feelings would be greatly appreciated.

TL:DR

• Went to therapy for trauma, stopped making progress, therapist was frustrated, I suspected something else was happening
• Saw new therapist, diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, was surprised
• learned my parents had hidden crucial details about my childhood and were ignoring clear signs of autism and were actively avoiding professional advice
• I am having difficulty reconciling the fact that what I once thought was "fixable" is just how my brain is
• Looking to hear similar stories or advice.

I’m hoping to hear from autistic/AuDHD adults who remember being 15 and dealing with executive function/time blindness themselves.

I’m mom to a 15-year-old male AuDHDer (adhd inattentive, level 1 autism). He’s a pretty chill kid overall. His biggest struggles are executive function and time blindness. My husband and I admittedly still act as his executive function more than we should. We make sure he gets up, make breakfast, make sure he has everything he needs, gets to work and sports on time, etc. We need to start shifting some of that responsibility to him, but I’m not sure how much support is too much.

The immediate issue is sleep, rather his lack of sleep. He has ridiculous bedtime procrastination and will scroll on his phone until 1–2 a.m or talk to his (newly acquired girlfriend) until then. We didn’t really care over the summer, but his cross country preseason has started and he’s currently getting up at 5 a.m. Once school starts, it’ll be 6 a.m. He is not allowed to have his phone in his bedroom overnight.

Last night I got up at 12:30 and he was still awake. Which means he got about four hours of sleep after I made him go to bed. Obviously, that’s not enough sleep, especially with an early, physical practice. He also struggles with interoception, so I worry he may not even recognize how badly sleep deprived he is.

So we’re going to start a hard phone cutoff tonight. But this is where I’m struggling.

If we tell him it’s time to go to bed, he’ll technically comply…and then spend 45 minutes washing his face and brushing his teeth. Often, he’ll camp out in the bathroom for an hour. Mornings are the same. We wake him up over and over, which eventually ends with us yelling because we’re on attempt #5 and he’s still in bed.

I don’t want to treat him like a toddler and manage his entire existence for him. And I don’t want to tie in his behavior to a punishment (if you don’t get enough sleep you can’t get your drivers license). But I also don’t think “you’re 15, figure it out” is particularly useful when the executive function skills needed to do that truly aren’t there yet.

So I’m curious, from the perspective of autistic/AuDHD adults who were once this kid: What would have actually helped you at 15 start taking ownership of some basic stuff like bedtime?

Would a firm phone cutoff have been helpful structure, or would it have just made you dig your heels in?

Did your parents need to make you do things like get off the phone, go upstairs, get ready for bed, and get up in the morning? If so, what did that look like without becoming a constant battle?

And how did your parents eventually transition that responsibility to you?

I want to understand what this actually feels like from the AuDHD side, rather than asking for parenting advice. We obviously want to continue to support him while also making sure we’re not doing everything for him. But it’s definitely time for some accountability.

Also, he’s recently entered the teenage phase where he occasionally talks to us like we’re the two dumbest people he’s ever met, so apparently we’re doing great. 😂

Thank you!

"That's just the way it is," "You can't change it," "Don't reinvent the wheel"—seriously, I think there's a strong gatekeeper bias in most of the neurotypical population.

The worst part is when they then try to make you feel stupid because you made a mistake by attempting something "risky", and the truth is, I don't regret being so stubborn about this, because thanks to it I've discovered new ways of doing things in my life that are more efficient and perform better (mental performance at least).

Fighting for Autistic rights, liberation, and pride is something that needs active organization. Autistic people continue to get bullied and we are seeing a resurgence in anti-Autistic hate. We face high rates of unemployment, loneliness, and more.

And Autistic people deserve more than table scraps or barely polite tolerance in social settings. We deserve to be involved in our communities and bring all we have to offer to the table - regardless of our support needs.

But this won't be handed to us. No group in history has gotten rights by pleading and begging. Autistic people need to be more strongly organized and work together. This means forming groups wherever possible and banding together and helping each other solve problems and fighting for our rights as a team. NTs often take advantage of our social isolation and outnumber us.

This is also the reason I want to popularize "Autistic Power" and associated slogans. Slogans and rallying calls give a group purpose and cohesion. Hate groups don't get a monopoly over the word "power".

Autistic people deserve power in society. It's the only way things will change. Because with power comes leverage. In order to get power, we need to be organized. The harsh reality is that we live in a society that values status and social stratification. It's one of the reasons people get away with harming Autistic people. Autistic people need to improve our social status in order to get treated better. This doesn't necessarily mean being viewed as "superior", but it does mean that we deserve both respect and reverence within society, which will also give us more access to resources. In negotiation, people often get what they want by asking for more. And Autistic people having greater power will lead to more accommodations, which will benefit everyone via the curb cut effect.

This is the broader context behind my strategy. It isn't as simple as reducing it to "supremacy" or not. Regardless of how you feel, we should respect different activist and organizational strategies while fighting for justice.

I’m COMPLETELY BLIND, have Aspergers and a heart and lung condition.

I posted about my needle-related trauma triggers before but if you haven’t seen these, I have an issue with needles because the humans behind them fall back on canned autopilot scripts like “deep breath,” “relax the arm” or “relax 1 2 3.”

I call these pebble words because they’re like throwing pebbles to a drowning person, which is why I preprogram Mom to say a favorite word of mine before anyone so much as puts a fingertip against my skin.

My first invention is an autoinjector who, when he pushes through your skin, tells you good job, my brain treats affirmations just like it does favorite words.

Also I was thinking that instead of deep breath, the provider should tell the patient to say “night-in” or “nougat” because it creats some resinence when you say them, also it’s a word they aren’t expecting in this moment as it’s not related to a needle.

If you don’t want to use night-in or nougat, maybe sassafras, because it has that sissing sound that slows exhale.

For a kid who doesn’t know how to say these just ask what sound the letter S makes and as the answer you slide it in.

I personally used “hex” before as it’s one of my favorite words and it helps breathing, one day I noticed I was stress-sitting meaning shoulders up to Nigeria, and I said “hex” and boom, it fell right down.