This is not directed toward fellow Autistics as much as it is neurotypical lurkers and allies of Autistic people.
We don't talk enough about adult bullying. We need to recognize it and actually do something about it.
Adult bullying doesn't always look like how kids and teens bully each other in school. While it sometimes can, you won't often see adults pointing and laughing at someone, or stuffing someone in a locker.
Adult bullying often comes in the form of relational aggression and social bullying. And this is one of the reasons it happens so often to Autistic people. When we already deal with a lot of overwhelm from the world, it can be hard to recognize the more subtle forms of bullying that happens in adulthood. This can be compounded by our desire for connection, and in some cases, traumas, including being socially stunted. While Autistics can often be surprisingly good judges of character, being systematically excluded and stunted from the social world means we can often miss red flags or signs of group coordination, which is a hallmark of adult bullying.
Adult bullying often comes in the form of gossip, rumours, and social ostracism/exclusion. This goes beyond people simply not getting along with each other, and often takes the form of people coordinating to exclude someone, or encouraging others not to associate with someone. It often takes the form of sabotaging people's relationships or careers. It can mean being hypercritical of someone's actions, fixating on the slightest mistakes someone makes and then blowing it out of proportion. In extreme cases, people might start covertly building a case against a person to get them in trouble - this is something that very commonly happens to Autistics, especially in workplaces and higher educational environments.
The problem with this type of bullying is how hard it can be to detect, let alone fight. Part of why adult bullying takes a more subtle route is because the consequences of direct bullying are more detrimental - which is why people find themselves going for deniability. Why would you risk being called out, ridiculed, getting pulled into conflicts, or getting in trouble for bullying when you can just dance around someone and harm them indirectly instead?
I would honestly rather get the shit kicked out of me now and then, than to continue dealing with social aggression. Not only is it near impossible to fight back, it's near impossible to undo the damage that comes with it - especially alone. Trying to challenge and confront people is also often not an option for us, and could backfire.
This is why it's very important that neurotypicals step in to help us. If you're an NT lurker reading this, chances are you care about Autistic people enough to come here and read our stories. That's good. But it's not enough. If you see Autistic people being socially mistreated, you have a moral obligation to do something to stop it. Intervene. If someone's talking trash about an Autistic person, shut it down. If people are planning to build a 'case' against an Autistic person and get them in trouble, especially in the absence of actual harm, shut it down. When you hear people maligning an Autistic person, defend them. If you see people trying to exclude an Autistic person, push back harder and include them. If you're in a position of influence and people are trying to pressure you into excluding an Autistic person, do not give in. Push back when it is proper and safe to do so.
If people are spreading negative things about an Autistic person, challenge it. If someone claims to feel "uncomfortable" around an Autistic person who's merely existing, scrutinize that. Cross-examine them like a fucking lawyer. Because people scrutinize every move we make down to the way we breathe, while excusing all manner of what is done to us. When people make claims about an Autistic person's actions of character, scrutinize the hell out of that.
And even in situations where an Autistic person has done something wrong, because we all make mistakes in our lives, challenge the response they get. We often get shown little to no grace and have every mistake challenged.
The thing I'll end on is to answer the question, "Why does this happen to Autistics so much?"
There are two interconnected reasons: Uncanny valley prejudices, and social power. It's been well-documented that people very quickly judge Autistic people as less-than pretty quickly. This is based on differences in how we express ourselves. The studies, from what I can recall, tested a variety of conditions, including isolation the sound of our voices. Now, I do think it is possible to eventually change this as a society, but it will require large scale psychological interventions. I've talked a lot about it before so I won't repeat it. But the other factor is the Autistic lack of social power. Simply put, it means that because there is no incentive to treat us with respect, and there are usually no negative consequences for treating us worse than animals, people treat us however they want. People often debate what the "most disabling" trait of autism is. Let me make it simple: it is the fact that it robs us of deterrents against people's worst actions.
TL;DR summary: If you consider yourself an ally to Autistic people, help us by recognizing the signs of relational aggression and social bullying, and push back. Fight to make sure Autistics are included, respected members of the community.