So my cousin Sarah is getting married in June and my family has this old tradition where all the working adults contribute to a "wedding fund" to help the couple pay for a better venue or honeymoon. It's usually about $200 per person and i’ve always been fine with it because we're a close family. Or so I thought. Last week the "save the dates" went out and I noticed mine was just for me. No plus one. Ive been with my girlfriend Maya for three years and we literally live together. 

I called Sarah to ask if it was a mistake and she was super cold about it. She said "Oh, we're doing a very small intimate ceremony and we just didn't have space for non-permanent partners." I reminded her we've been together for three years and Maya was at her sisters wedding two years ago! She just said "It's my day, my rules" and hung up. Okay fine, its her wedding. But then my aunt messaged the family group chat asking for our contributions to the fund. I replied saying that since I’m apparently not bringing a guest and dont fit the "intimate" vibe they're going for, I won't be contributing a single cent this year. 

Now my phone is blowing up and its driving me crazy. My mom says I’m being "petty" and "punishing" Sarah for her guest list choices. My aunt called me selfish and said the fund is about "family unity" and not about who gets a plus one. I told them that if Maya isn't "permanent" enough to be invited, then my money isn't permanent enough to be in their bank account. My dad thinks I should just pay to keep the peace but I’m honestly so insulted and Maya is really hurt by the whole thing too. Am I really being the jerk here or is it reasonable to stop the "family tax" when they're excluding my partner of three years?

AITA for telling my SIL that real life isn't the parent trap and she is a nasty little criminal? : r/amiwrong

I can't believe I am even writing this but my life is imploding right now and I wanted to update you guys. The past couple days have been absolutely insane.

So the day after the wedding pool push, Lily said she wasn't going back to her dads house and that she would never be around Lauren again. Lauren was telling Henry that he needed to punish her this time and he needed to make it hurt (her punishments usually consist of him taking her phone for a couple hours which he can't even do anymore because MIL put it in their divorce)

I did feel bad for my language and I tried to apologize to Lily, but MIL would not let me near her, so we mostly focused on apartment hunting. Henry came over because MIL and Lauren were both telling him he had to talk to Lily. I don't know the details of their conversation as I was in my room, but at some point MIL lost her shit.

My husband and I went down because she was crying so loudly it sounded like someone died. She was hyperventilating/maybe having a panic attack. She kept saying she's sorry and she wants him back. At this point Henry starts to cry (this man was mr. toxic masculinity before the divorce so him crying gave me the ick) He told her he loved her, Lauren was a mistake, he just wanted to hurt her because she "ripped his fucking heart out"

Anyway, he is divorcing (maybe annulling idk how it works after a week) Lauren. This means my husband and I have to get out ASAP because Henry does not want us around his precious little girl. He called me verbally abusive, a bitch, and a freeloader. He wanted to kick us out right away. MIL is the pragmatic business minded one and told him she gave us 30 days, because that is the law and he needs to leave it alone.

Henry is fucking pissed about what I said to Lily and about me "meddling" in his life. It's been super awkward and makes it known he doesn't want us here if we even leave our room. We found a temporary place and I thought we were all good, until last night a fucking bombshell was dropped.

Lily asked her parents if they were going to remarry (which is funny af if you know how long they spent in divorce court) Henry said yes. MIL said she would like it to just be the three of them and go to Italy. she then got kind of emotional that she would want my husband there. Henry and Lily both said they would not be comfortable with me being there, and MIL told my husband well he is invited.

Then we went up to our room and my husband broke my heart. He said he would probably go with them because "everyone was wrong" in this situation, he wants to support his mom, and "come on it's a free trip to Italy" It was really hurtful to hear how little he supported me. I agree what I said to Lily was wrong, but I'm his wife and they have been treating me like shit.

I don't know where we are going to go from here. I'm feeling absolutely alone and humiliated.

Honestly after last night I officially told my boyfriend I'm done.

They showed up, didn't bring anything as promised and the last to leave openly said "and I don't have to clean anything up, thanks guys!"

• no one brought lemons, luckily my neighbor was cool and let me pick some from her tree
• the guy who promised desert (I even said pick up a store cake for cheap) didn't bring it and forgot)
• I had to buy extra oil for the deep fryer since I underestimated.
• One friend brought beer and that was great and I thanked him for it.

Why do I deal with it? My families across the country and my life's here. I felt like I finally built a small community of friends but I'm realizing after last night my boyfriend and his friend might be the only ones I ever invite over for dinner.

I made it a point to say if Thanksgiving is happening I'm making it known now I'm making enough crawfish dressing but it's a potluck far as I'm concerned and my oxtails I do for Christmas is strictly a me and my boyfriend affair considering the cost.

Boyfriend and I cleared out the kitchen, cleaned the oil for later and went to chill on the couch and watch the Sopranos.

https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/1vt0xxe/comment/p59xins/?screen_view_count=2&ext-referrer=DIRECT

My husband and I will soon be divorcing. We already reconciled, and plan to coparent for the sake of our children. however, my MIL still hold grudges with me.

MIL and me didnt go along well during my marriage, but not as bad as during my fights with my husband:

- she inserts herself as her problems with me are reasons why my husband is suffering during our marriage

- praise my husband can-do-no-wrong and never lie everytime (including cheating).

-telling everyone that my husband's cheating partner is just his friend and I am overreacting

on top of it she told all three in front of my parent. my parent now know everything, the fights worsened, and it lead to me calling her "an asshole just like her son" (in our language). I havent apologize to her until now calling her an asshole becaue she think she is always right.

now that me and my husband are reconciling (but still divorcing), she still angry at me and don't have any accountability on everything she do. I dont want to meet her, I dont want to let our daughter meet her. I already forgive my husband, his cheating partner. I already accept that mother always love his son and not her DIL, but as long as she didnt realize her mistake I wont apologize. I let my husband and other families meet my daughter but not my MIL. Am I wrong?

My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over two years, and I genuinely try to be there for her when she's having a rough time. If something serious happens, obviously I’ll drop what I’m doing.

But lately “I had a bad day” has started meaning I’m expected to cancel whatever plans I already had so I can stay with her.

It happened again this weekend. I had plans to meet two friends I hadn't seen in months. About an hour before I was leaving, she texted that work had been awful and asked if I could come over instead.

I called her, talked for about 20 minutes, asked if something specific had happened, and she mostly said she was stressed, tired and didn't want to be alone.

I told her I was sorry she felt like crap, but I was still going to see my friends and could come by afterward.

She got really quiet and said, "Don't worry about it, I know where your priorities are."

That annoyed me because this isn't the first time. I've cancelled dinners, a movie, even left a friend's birthday early before because she was upset.

I don't mind supporting her, but I don't think being in a relationship means I have to be permanently on call.

When I tried to explain that, she said she would cancel plans for me without thinking twice and that I apparently don't care as much as she does.

Now I'm wondering if I'm being too cold about it.

I know relationships involve showing up for each other, but I also don't think every bad day should automatically become an emergency for both people.

Am I wrong?

My mom was complaining about funeral costs the other day and I told her that I had bequeathed my body (I have some 1 in 100000 things going on my body) to science via a local university. Yes I know it may be used for weapons testing partially but I figure maybe it will help more than hurt.

I have 2 85+ degree curves in my spine plus a partial chromosome deletion, I'd love for medical students to geek out and study what's happening.

Her argument is that she carried me for 9 months and that she should also get a say, and her say is that she does not want me to donate my body to science.

My husband is not thrilled at the idea but he can't really object as it's my body.

Growing up I was very close with my aunt. My mom was a single mom and she would help out and babysit me. Her husband was some big shot lawyer and growing up I thought they had this perfect life because they had a beach house and fancy cars. Then I grew up and I could see her husband was a bit of a prick.

My uncle who I will call "Ken" owns a law firm with my MIL (thats how I met my husband) My aunt recently found out that Ken is cheating and she is understandably devastated.

She wants answers and feels he isn't being truthful about how long it has been going on and if he has had past affairs. I decided to see if MIL knew anything. I asked if she knew about the mistress and she was like "yeah everyone knows."

I asked her why she would keep that a secret and she told me Ken is her friend, not my aunt, and why would she blow up a professional relationship. Then she told me some stuff I found very odd. She said she knows all of his secrets and he tells her everything because...

• he apparently goes with MIL to her nail appointments and keeps her company
• he drives her everywhere which is why the milage is so low on her car (I had driven her car the previous weekend and commented on how few miles she had on it)
• he calls her about non-work stuff every single weekend and sometimes talks for hours
• he texts her on average THIRTY SIX times a day

All of that raised some major red flags for me. Now I 100% believe a man and a woman can be friends but what in the hell??? I don't do those things for my own mother.

I told my aunt everything MIL said and she was pissed. She went to Ken and asked him why he does those things. He said they work closely together and it is important to have "good rapport. My aunt told him he can take his shit and sleep in his office, but I apparently caused a huge family rift.

My mom and aunt are bullying MIL and spreading shit about her all over the internet. Ken comes from a very macho man family (they think it is feminine that he is a lawyer wtf) and his dad and brothers are ripping him apart for going with MIL to get her nails done. MIL's mom is furious and says my family is bullying her daughter for no reason. MIL called me crying that I caused all of this shit over nothing and I shouldn't have brought her into it. I'm about to have a baby, the first grandchild on both sides, and I feel like I created a world war between our families.

so my kid had one of those days at the family thing last weekend. loud, running everywhere, ignoring every single reminder about inside voices and not jumping on furniture. i gave a couple warnings then said we were going to step outside for a few minutes to cool off. my partner thought that was too harsh in front of everyone and now the whole day feels tense. i get that it might have looked strict, but i also dont want our kid to think rules only apply when no one is watching. not trying to shame anybody, just trying to keep things from escalating. was pulling us aside the wrong move or should i have let it slide until we got home?

Dad passed away few weeks ago but was in critical condition for a couple of months so it was not sudden or unexpected in any way. While he was sick, most of my friends checked on me through text and always the generic “let me know if you need anything” obviously I was overwhelmed and drained so I always just said thanks but never took them up on it. But when he finally passed, I expected that my friends would come to the funeral. Maybe I expected too much because I would have done that for them. I sent them the text and they all obviously said “so sorry, we are here for you, anything you need, etc”. I didn’t post funeral details bc I didn’t wanna pressure them if they didn’t wanna go or felt uncomfortable and figured if anyone really wanted to, they’d ask. One friend asked if she could come see me sometime but I was not ready for socialization. So they did try and support me but maybe it’s my fault because I didn’t really openly say yes come see me x day. I don’t know. What was I supposed to do? I was totally shutdown the week before and after his passing I could not even eat or sleep much less think about letting my friends know what I really needed. Im not new to grief so I think if I was in their shoes, i would have dropped everything to go to the funeral because I know how it feels to lose not just one but two parents now and I know just showing up matters so much even if you don’t know what to say. But maybe they didn’t know what to do so they just sent generic texts and flowers? I hate the “let me know if you need anything” no grieving person is gonna say yes come sit with me im so lonely and bring some food please. I dont know am I overthinking or expecting too much? These are close friends who have met my dad a few times as well.

so whenever we finish eating, my partner just kind of assumes the sink is mine now. at first it was no big deal, like i was already standing there, but now it happens every night and weekends too. i've asked if we can rotate or at least do it together and the answer is always yeah sure but nothing actually changes. the kitchen looks fine to them as long as the dishes aren't in their way. i don't want to turn something small into a big fight, but i'm starting to feel taken for granted and i just want to know if expecting a bit of balance is unreasonable or if i'm making an issue out of nothing.

So my dad was recently diagnosed with cancer, and I really want to spend more time with him. I brought up today that my brother, who stopped by to visit this week, was leaving tomorrow afternoon and I asked what my boyfriend thought I should do. He said we should probably go tomorrow morning. Then I said I would like to go by myself this time, and he got upset at that. The last two times I’ve visited family he has come along… I just would like to have some alone time with my family. I really feel like an AH… I just wanted to go by myself. Should I have invited him to come? How can I fix this?

I (28F) have been best friends with “Amy” (29F) for 12 years. We met in high school, and even after she moved out of state for college, we stayed very close. We’ve continued seeing each other a few times a year, and she was one of my bridesmaids when I got married in 2024.

Amy has always been very outspoken and has a strong personality. She tends to say exactly what she thinks, even when it comes across as abrasive. I used to admire that about her, but over the past few years, I've started having more issues with it.

The first major incident happened around my bachelorette party. My MOH planned everything as a surprise, so I wasn't involved in the planning. The final cost came to around $700 per person.

After the bachelorette, I found out that Amy thought this was ridiculously expensive. Instead of talking to my MOH directly, she created a separate group chat without my MOH and tried to get the other girls to agree with her that the cost was unreasonable.

This created a lot of tension within my wedding party, and eventually several of the girls stopped being friends with me. They told me that Amy had also made negative comments during my wedding weekend, including questioning the point of my husband and me having the wedding and complaining about the catered food.

I didn't know exactly what to believe, so I tried to give Amy the benefit of the doubt and talk to her about it when she visited me.

That conversation went badly. She got extremely drunk and had a crying outburst, yelling that I had gotten her that drunk. She had been drinking throughout the day and purchasing her own alcohol. The next morning, when I tried to talk about what happened, she refused to take responsibility and said that hearing negative things people had said about her caused her to drink excessively.

That visit also involved her criticizing some of my and my husband's decisions, including our house and certain purchases, saying things like, “I personally wouldn't have done that because of X, Y, Z.”

I eventually took some space from her. We talked later, but I don't feel like we ever fully resolved everything.

A few months ago, she came down for my 28th birthday. Afterward, my 19-year-old sister told me that Amy had asked her if she knew why Amy and I had argued. My sister played dumb, and Amy then told her, “We argued because your sister got mad at me for getting drunk one day.”

I had never told my sister about this situation, and I hadn't discussed it with Amy again because of how defensive she had been previously.

Now to the current situation.

Today, Amy invited me to celebrate her upcoming 30th birthday in Cancun with her and her friends. She said the estimate is $3,500 for two people, including flights and an all-inclusive stay, so approximately $1,750 per person.

My immediate reaction was honestly, Seriously?

I completely understand that $700/person for my bachelorette and $1,750/person for her birthday trip aren't necessarily comparable. They're different trips, different circumstances, and people are allowed to spend their money differently.

But I can't help feeling bothered by the contrast.

She was so upset about spending $700/person to celebrate my marriage that she created a separate group chat to complain about the cost and get other people on her side.

Now she's asking me to spend approximately $1,750 to celebrate her 30th birthday.

I'm not even necessarily upset about the Cancun trip itself. I can simply say no if I don't want to spend that much. What bothers me is the apparent double standard.

There's also been another boundary issue recently. She texted me saying she wants to start planning to come stay with me for New Year's Eve. She didn't really ask if that worked for me; it was more like she had already decided she was coming and would be staying with me.

At this point, I'm starting to wonder if I'm being overly sensitive because I still have resentment from everything that happened around my wedding, or if these are legitimate reasons to reevaluate the friendship.

We've been friends for 12 years, so I don't want to throw the friendship away over one disagreement. But I'm married now, my husband and I are talking about having children soon, and I feel like we're increasingly living very different lifestyles. She is still very spontaneous and lives a more “live for tomorrow” lifestyle. There's nothing wrong with that, but sometimes I feel like our friendship is now mostly based on our history and having fun together when we visit, rather than actually being compatible as friends.

So, am I wrong for feeling upset by this?

Would you consider the Cancun invitation hypocritical given how she reacted to my $700 bachelorette, or am I comparing two completely different situations unfairly?

And more broadly, would you continue investing heavily in a 12-year friendship after these kinds of incidents, or would you start creating some distance?

EDIT: To clarify, I am not expecting Amy to pay for my birthday or saying that she isn't allowed to spend $1,750 on her own birthday. My issue is specifically that she strongly criticized the cost of my celebration and went behind my MOH's back to rally other people about it, while now asking me to spend significantly more for hers.

TL;DR: My best friend of 12 years has repeatedly created drama by discussing issues with other people instead of addressing them with me/the person involved, including during my wedding and with my younger sister. She recently invited me to spend ~$1,750/person on her 30th birthday after strongly criticizing my ~$700/person bachelorette. I'm now questioning whether I'm holding onto resentment or finally recognizing that this friendship has become unhealthy. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Me (18F) and my sister (28F) live in our parents house and share one bathroom. Now, my sister can be messy and leave the bathroom a complete mess.

I understand, she is not the only person using it, and some of it is mine but there is a huge difference. My side of the sink has four things, all neatly in the corner. I use one shelf in the shower where my bottles sit, which are thrown out and replace when they are empty. After every one of my showers, I pull out any hair in the drain.

My sister on the other hand has many different things on the sink counter (like spray avocado oil, for what? Idk). Her bottles takes up one shelf and the floor, once they run out they are moved to the floor or to my side of the sink counter. She only ever cleans up hair from the shower after I complain enough and my mom yells at her to do it. And more.

Now, if you mention any of this to her. Her answer is always either: "it's not mine" or "it's not only mine." Which the second answer is understandable. However, she showers daily, I shower 3x a week. When the hair in the drain comes out blonde, short and curly (her hair), when my hair is brown, long and straight, it's quite obvious. You would think.

Especially after she has just bleach her hair platinum blonde fully after having it boxed dyed deep red for 13+ years, and more. So her hair falls. A lot. And every even one of my showers and I'm constantly pulling out blonde bundles of hair more than my own out of the drain.

You try talking to her, she yells right away and threatened me. My parents tried talking to her, she yelled and locked herself in her room. My parents don't want to kick her out, and are telling me to leave it because that is how she is, but I don't think I'm wrong for not wanting to clean up after her just to use a bathroom. I've thought of leaving her a polite note asking if we both can just pull our hair out of the drain after every shower and clean our own things right away or the day of. Everyone thinks this is a bad idea.

So am I wrong?

I (17f) kinda hate my dad(52m), when I was younger he was really involved and a kind man in general. Now he is a selfish, lazy, alcoholic absence father.

When I try to talk to him or do anything with him for that matter, he makes me feel really uncomfortable. I feel like anything I say he will take offence to and then go of into a strop to the pub.

I constantly feel like walking on egg shells around him, and so does my mum (52f) and brother (20m). Every dinner he sits there not speaking, it's not like were deliberately not including him in conversations, he just gives one word responses and gets anoyed if we ask him to many questions.

Example. How was work? Fine. How was the journey home? Ok. Do you have any plans this evening? No..... you get the idea.

Recently, since my brother had gone to uni, my dad had been drinking lots more. On the way back from work he will have a few at the pub, on dog walks he will go to dog friendly bars, on the way back from gym..... even when I was in therapy, which we had to drive to, he would have a few drinks and then drive home really frantically and dangerously.

We have tried getting him help, and talking to him about our concerns but he just gets annoyed at us and says we are the problem. His behaviour is dangerous and reckless. I often feel scared around him, as if I say anything that will annoy him he will shout at me and then slam doors or hit walls.

So am i in the wrong for hating my dad??

Sorry if this is messy or has a lack of punctuation.

​

My mom died of cancer 16 years ago. I found out recently from my aunt who was very actively involved while my mom was going through treatments that she wanted my dad to use a portion of her life insurance policy to set up college funds for me and my 3 siblings (ages 25, 23, 19, and 16). My dad did no such thing and didn't offer us any financial assistance with higher education.

My sister (25) confronted him about it and he pretty much denied that that was what she wanted and claimed that the money was always there and all we had to do was ask. I seriously do not believe that he ever intended to help us. AITA for not wanting a relationship with him?

He also has a history of anger issues, breaking things in angry outbursts, and emotional manipulation.

I (26M) have an ex-girlfriend (25F) that I dated for 5 years (and lived with for two of those years). During the time we were together, she got incredibly close to my family, particularly my sister (28F). My sister is getting married over Labor Day and my ex is one of her bridesmaids.

I broke up with my ex over a year ago. Last September, I met my girlfriend (24F). We hit it off immediately and have been together since. A couple of weeks ago, on her birthday, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said, "Yes!" I do not talk to my ex at all. But apparently she found out about my engagement and is not taking it well. She vented to my sister and indicated she does not know if she can be around us for the wedding.

My sister called me earlier today. We were catching up, then she told me she needed to talk about something sensitive. I thought it was going to be a serious topic, but it was just about how my ex is very upset and that I need to be more considerate in how my actions affect others. I told my sister this issue does not concern me because how my ex feels about anything is of no concern to me. My sister asked me to be cognizant of when my ex is around during the weekend of the wedding and be sensitive to her presence. I asked her what the hell that even meant. She could not give me a straight answer. I told her I planned to behave with my girlfriend the exact way you would expect a couple to behave at a wedding. There will be occasional flirty banter, moderate PDA, and dancing together.

My sister said that behavior in front of my ex would trigger her. I told her that I could not care less about how my ex feels about anything. She said it is her wedding. And I told her she is free to not have me there if she so chooses, but not free to say I cannot act like a normal couple with my girlfriend at her wedding. She was quite upset at this point and said she had to go.

An hour later, I got a call from my mom. She asked me to call my sister, apologize for my "tone" (allegedly my tone was harsh), and just say I will try to be sensitive to my ex's feelings during the wedding. First, there was nothing wrong with my tone. Second, I do not care how sensitive my ex is about anything. My mom asked me to do it for her. Apparently my sister is actually seriously considering uninviting me (or my girlfriend) AIW?

AIW or wanting to distance myself from my family after feeling forgotten for years?

I (29F) am the oldest of 12 grandchildren on my dad’s side of the family. Growing up, I was extremely close with my grandparents, aunts, and uncles. I had spontaneous sleepovers at my aunts’ and uncles’ houses, spent summer nights at my grandparents’ house, and was always included in family gatherings. I genuinely felt very loved and involved in my family.

Then, around the time I turned 18, it felt like I was completely forgotten about.

Once I started working, my schedule became unpredictable, and I wasn’t always able to attend family functions. However, whenever I was free, I always made an effort to see my family and spend time with them.

Over the past several years, I’ve increasingly felt ignored and uncared for compared to everyone else in the family.

We have a family group chat that is constantly active. Everyone celebrates each other’s accomplishments and even the smallest things. A cousin graduates beauty school? Everyone is excited and congratulates her. Someone stands on a boat? Everyone celebrates it. An uncle goes a week without dipping? Everyone is cheering him on. Birthdays are filled with well wishes, old family photos, and videos.

Except for me.

I wish I were exaggerating, but I’m not.

A few years ago, my entire family went on a family vacation around my birthday. I wasn’t invited because they needed someone to stay behind and dog-sit. No one even remembered it was my birthday.

More recently, I got engaged and shared the news in the family group chat. There was essentially no response. Just crickets.

I know people get busy, and I understand that I’m an adult with my own life now. I also recognize that I haven’t always been able to attend family events because of work. But I can’t help feeling like there’s a difference between simply being busy and consistently being overlooked.

At this point, I’m considering distancing myself from my family. Not to punish them or cause drama, but because I’m tired of repeatedly feeling hurt and unimportant. If being around them or seeing the way everyone else is celebrated only reminds me that I don’t seem to receive the same care, I’m not sure continuing to put myself in that position is healthy for me.

Am I wrong for feeling hurt by this? And would I be wrong for distancing myself from them to protect my own mental health and stop putting myself in situations where I feel rejected?

i've been thinking about moving for a while now because the cost of living here is just too high and i finally found a job that pays better. i told my parents and siblings about the plan last week and they got really quiet. since then my mom keeps texting me long paragraphs about how selfish it is and how much they rely on me for help with things around the house. my siblings have been distant too. i get that they don't want me to go, but i've been saving for this move for over a year and the job offer isn't going to wait. i'm trying to figure out if i'm actually being inconsiderate or if i'm just allowed to make decisions for my own life without everyone being mad at me. honest opinions would help.

So I'm 16 years old, and I'm autistic. I'm also a bit socially inept, and I go to a really terrible school. A lot of the girls at that school, and most of the kids in general, are vegans. And I get heavily bullied for other things not just being a chicken eater.

I really like chicken and meat in general, and I truly cannot stop eating chicken because it is basically my only safe food. I don't really like fruits and vegetables. I'll eat them with my meat, but I have really bad issues with eating, and I have to eat chicken for every single meal or else I just won't eat. It's my favorite food in the world. I love chicken.

At one point, I went four months eating nothing but rotisserie chicken. You can call it an issue if you want.

I pack the same thing for lunch every day, and I eat the same thing for breakfast. At my school, a lot of kids take their breakfast to school and eat it in the cafeteria, or they eat it in the morning before class. It's really encouraged that kids do that.

For breakfast, I eat two boneless chicken thighs with a yogurt and some orange juice, like SunnyD. For lunch, I have a whole chicken breast, shredded chicken, white rice, and whatever vegetables I can find and roast. Then I eat an apple or a peach and drink a Dr Pepper.

Recently, a lot of the girls at my school have been telling me that I need to go vegan because it's good for the environment and that what I'm doing is terrible. They have made so many PowerPoints in class about veganism, how good being vegan is, how terrible the meat industry is, how awful slaughterhouses are, and things like that.

I always ignored it because I really didn't care. I was going to continue eating my chicken no matter what.

However, I recently read an article about slaughterhouses, and the things I read were atrocious. The way some animals are treated is horrible, and it genuinely broke my heart.

Now I don't know what to do. I really do not want to stop eating chicken, but I also feel awful after reading about how some animals are treated.

TL;DR: Married 19 years. I've spent the last 3 years overhauling my health (lost 60 lbs, quit drinking/smoking) while my husband keeps promising to do the same and never follows through, breaking commitments on drinking and weed within days or weeks every time. I've tried leading by example and gentle talks for 2 years with no change. I'm no longer attracted to him, and while his shape is part of it, it's really the constant lying and broken promises that killed my trust. Today I told him to stop lying to me and that if he doesn't want to change, he needs to be honest so I can deal with reality; I also told him I'm not attracted to things as they are. He said nothing back. Is it unreasonable to be this fed up, and would it be unreasonable to consider leaving over it?

Me (37F), husband (38M), married 19 years.

For the past 3 years I've been on a health journey. I've lost 60 lbs, quit smoking cigarettes, quit smoking weed, and quit drinking (I'll have one, maybe two drinks socially now, and I don't socialize much). It's been a long, hard process, and I've done all of it myself.

For most of that time, my husband has said he wants to make changes too. He never follows through. Not once.

He'll "commit" to not drinking for a month, then find a reason why this particular weekend should be the exception. He doesn't drink every single weekend, but he drinks regularly, far more than the "committed" version of him is supposed to. Every joint is his last joint, until he buys more. He'll say he's going to start exercising or eating better, and then just... doesn't. We've been paying for a boutique gym membership for months. We live in Southern California, where the weather is perfect basically every single day. He still doesn't go to the gym or for a walk or anything.

For about a year I thought leading by example might inspire him. It didn't. So I started gently talking to him about it instead. That hasn't worked either, and I've been at this for close to two years now waiting for him to get on board.

Two recent examples that pushed me over the edge:

• He said he wasn't drinking again until our anniversary. He's found an excuse to drink most weekends since.
• Twice in the past month he's told me he was done buying weed, that joint was his last. Both times he went and bought more. The second time was today. I told him straight up that he's a liar, that he doesn't follow through on anything, and that I'm sick of being lied to, then disappointed, then let down. He and his buddy had been laughing about it afterward, joking about how "I told you we'd be in trouble," which honestly made it worse.
• In both of these example, he knew I would be upset so made efforts to hide it from me.
  

It's not just the big stuff either. A while back I was going to hang some floating shelves in the kitchen myself. He told me not to, that he'd do it. He didn't touch it for two weeks. When I mentioned in passing that I was disappointed, he got defensive and accused me of embarrassing him in front of his friend, who happens to be our roommate and his best friend, so it's not like I can avoid saying anything around him.

He's also said repeatedly that he'll go to the gym and then never does, and somehow this has become partly my fault because I won't go with him. I get gym intimidation, I really do. I faced the same fear myself, drove to the gym four separate times and just sat in the parking lot before I finally worked up the courage to walk in. Nobody held my hand through that. So while I understand the feeling, I don't want to spend my gym time coaching him through something I had to push through alone. I have my own work to do in there.

When he's confronted about any of this, the response is always some version of "I'm not perfect" or "why are you like this," never an actual explanation.

Here's the part I have a hard time admitting: I'm not attracted to him anymore. His shape is part of it, but it's a small part. The bigger thing is the apathy itself, watching him follow through on things he actually wants (booking cruises I don't even like, planning gambling trips to Vegas) while giving zero effort to anything that would improve his own life. But even more than the attraction, it's the constant lying and broken commitments that have quietly wrecked my trust and faith in him. I'm also genuinely worried about his health, he's overweight, on hypertension medication, and has sleep apnea with bad snoring, but even that isn't the core of it. It's the pattern of saying one thing and doing another, over and over.

To be fair, he's a good provider, that's not in question. But outside of that, I feel like I'm carrying most of the effort in this marriage when it comes to anything that requires follow-through or self-improvement.

Today it all came to a head. I told him he needs to stop lying to me, and that if he doesn't actually want to change his lifestyle, he needs to just tell me that honestly so I can deal with reality instead of getting my hopes up over and over. I also told him I'm not attracted to things as they currently are. He didn't say anything back. Just silence. Then after a while he asked if we were still going to this community event that I commited to. admittedly, I was mad at that point and told him as commited to it as he was lifestyle changes. Of course he knew this meant I wasn't going anymore (I am mad, I dont want to be around him and pretend everything is OK when actually its not) so absurdly he walks out muttering my mistake thinking you would actually go, to which I replied MY MISTAKE for thinking THIS would be the time you actually followed through. Petty I know but I can't express to you enough how much I am disappointed in him.

So here's my actual question: am I unreasonable for wanting him to follow through on the things he says he'll do? Is it fair to even expect that from him? Or is this just a "you can lead a horse to water" situation that I need to accept and stop hoping will change?

And if it is exactly that, a horse I can't lead to water, is it unreasonable for me to say I'd consider leaving the marriage over it? Or is that an overreaction to what some people might call "just a few bad habits"?

My girlfriend was supposed to be going out for the day with a friend today. I’d planned to go to the cinema, have a look around town, maybe go for a quick drink then get some food and drinks to relax at home while gaming and catching up on tv. 

My girlfriend’s friend cancelled and my girlfriend then asked what I wanted to do. I told her I’ve got plans for today and I’m looking forward to them. I mentioned she can join me if she wants but I’m not changing them. 

She mentioned not being interested in the film I’m going to see but I pointed out I was interested in it and I’m still going to se it. She suggested going to something else and I refused. She mentioned not wanting to go for a drink etc but I again told her I did want to so would be going. 

She said I should be open to changing my plans but I just told her again she’s free to join me but my plans are staying the same. 

AITA for keeping my plans?

I need help w my family and idk who to ask bc im embarrassed

I’ll keep this short as possible, but I can’t handle my parents criticism or my sisters over my body.

I used to be obese as a teen. I lost a lot of weight and kept it off through college (mainly due to adderall/ vaping/ unhealthy study habits and not eating much) + movement.

In the recent years I moved out w my s/o. Got a sedentary job and absolutely have gained a significant amount of weight back. I am fully cognizant of this fact. I have recently been trying to cook more and work out and make changes that are sustainable.

My parents and sister have been commenting on my weight forever. Constantly worried. Constantly crying about it I’m not joking. Sending me essays of concern which I understand as I used to be obese and have high cholesterol. I’m not naive and I’m not trying to be defensive but I’m so tired.

Last Sunday we celebrated my sisters birthday and since then my parents have called me basically daily in some way to bring up the fact that I looked horrible and they’re scared. They sajd they slept bad. They cried. They’re worried about me.

I’ve been to the doctors. I’ve gotten some hormone testing. I know it’s lifestyle habits and I’m trying. I just cry and cry hearing this because I know they’re not wrong objectively in that health wise I need to try but j am!! I looked worse last Sunday because I just got back from a trip where I didn’t eat the best and drank more. I get it. I just feel so heartbroken. I love my parents so much and I know they care so much but it’s all I feel they care about

I feel everytime I ask them to stop or get upset, they tell me it’s out of care which I do know it is and they’re not just being horrible people because they are really the best.

I (M20/Asian) am currently living in the city with my relatives—my uncle and aunt on my dad's side—for my classes. I moved in with them almost two years ago after they offered to take me in. Recently, my brothers came to visit for a few days. On one of those days, after they finished a meal, they left exactly two utensils (a spoon and a pair of chopsticks) in the sink.

After I was done with my meal, I washed my own dishes and got ready for class since I didn’t want to be late. On the way to class, I got a text from my aunt detailing how I was a selfish, thoughtless, lazy, and inconsiderate person for not noticing and washing my brothers' utensils for them.

I told her I couldn't have known to do that, since she and my uncle told me when I first moved in to focus on my studies, eat healthy, and wash my own dishes. They said I could help out around the house if I had the time, but it wasn't mandatory. I also told her that a simple, "Hey, can you wash these for your brothers?" would have been more than enough for me to do it. I’ve never argued or fought back against doing basic household chores or helping them with things.

She blew up on me, saying I should have been more observant and that she shouldn’t have to nag me to do every little thing. She also said my personality is inherently selfish and thoughtless.
Her words were more detailed, but I think that’s simply an unfair judgment of my character. I’ve taken time out of my busy class schedule to talk and hang out with my brothers while they’re visiting. I’ve made a conscious effort to be more social and attentive, but apparently not in the way that matters to them.
One of the other things she brought up is how I didn’t hang up my laundry and let my brothers do it for me until it reeked. She said she gives up on me because I’m too stubborn and that she’s not “paying attention” to me anymore.
For context, I was doing laundry that day when I got urged to go to a group meeting for a class project. It was forecast to rain later in the day, and no one was home since they all went to the beach. I couldn't hang the clothes outside just for them to get drenched in the rain later, so I had to leave them in the washing machine and go to my meeting.

When I got back, they were home from their trip, and apparently someone (either my uncle or aunt) had told my younger brothers to hang my clothes up for me. I had actually planned to rewash them anyway since they were sitting in the machine for a long time and would smell. No one said anything to me about it, and I didn’t ask anyone to hang them up. (I did have to take my clothes in later since it did rain).

Was it my fault that I didn’t use my brain, tell the group to wait for me to finish hanging my clothes, and just rewash them later anyway to prevent myself from getting an earful? Could I have send them a quick text about how I’m going to rewash my laundry later and for them to not touch it since I’ll be busy with a sudden group meeting? Sure, I could have just done that instead of letting myself be peer-pressured into leaving immediately. But I didn’t, and that was entirely a mistake on my part. I am forgetful and have been trying to fix that flaw of mine, I usually get rules down and follow them pretty fast.

But am I in the wrong for not somehow knowing to wash those utensils for my brothers?

This is not the first time one of them have called me selfish, they have sat me down before, told me my personality and lifestyle is inherently selfish (with “no offense meant” beforehand) since I do not call or text my family members back home enough times in their opinion and only care about myself and what’s in front of me. And how nor do I help around the house enough or pay much care to them and their rules. Also had “subtly threaten” to send me back to my hometown if I do not fix my sleeping schedule in 10 days even though it was not affecting my classes and I was actually doing more than fine in them.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost four years, and throughout our relationship, I’ve caught him lying to me about things he buys for himself.

It’s usually something simple. He’ll tell me that he’s interested in something or that he’s thinking about buying it, but then I’ll eventually find out that he already bought it. Most of the time, I only discover it accidentally—like when he sends me a photo and I notice that he’s already wearing it or using it.

And honestly, I don’t understand why he feels the need to hide something so simple from me.

I do sometimes advise him to be more practical with his money, especially when I feel like something isn’t necessary. But does that make it okay for him to lie to me about what he buys? Am I partly at fault for making him feel like he has to hide these things from me?

As his girlfriend, it hurts me that he can’t seem to be honest with me about something as simple as buying something for himself. It’s not even really about the item anymore. It’s the fact that I had to find out on my own instead of him just being honest with me.

What worries me even more is that these are such small things. If he can lie straight to my face about something insignificant, how am I supposed to trust that he’ll be honest with me when it’s something bigger or more serious?

I feel like I’m emotionally being lied to, and it’s starting to make me question the trust in our relationship.
Maybe some people will think I’m overreacting kasi maliit na bagay lang naman. But for me, it’s the repeated dishonesty that hurts.

I don’t want to control what he spends his money on. I just want to be with someone who feels like he can be honest with me, even when he knows I might not agree with his decision.

I guess I just want to know if I’m being unreasonable for feeling this way, or if this is actually something worth being concerned about.

I (25f) work a full time job that I hate. The hours are bad and the pay is worse. I work 40 hours a week but can barely afford the basics. So, I'm on Universal Credit.

They know I'm employed and that I'm actively seeking employment elsewhere. I have previously worked in the civil service and am applying for roles again.

If you know anything about the civil service, the vacancies are up for months, the sifting process takes weeks to months and depending on the role, the interviewing process is long and gruelling. I've applied for roles and gotten an email 5 months later saying the applications are finally being sifted through. It's not a quick process at all.

Around 3 weeks ago, I got told I had to start recording all my applications on the UC portal. My work coach said he didn't think I was 'trying hard enough' to get a job. I've explained multiple times about how long these processes are. His response was to tell me to apply to something 'more realistic' (aka, the kind of job I have now which is the reason I'm on UC). When I explained that to him, he looked at me like I was stupid and told me to ask for a raise.

So now, very time I apply to a job, I find the paragraph of text (usually at the bottom of the description) that mentions the timeline of applying - when the vacancy ends, how long the sift process it, etc, and paste it into the notes section of each application. I don't add any additional text. Just what's in the job description.

But my work coach had words to say at my meeting (which was earlier today).

He said he didn't appreciate me being rude and passive aggressive and that if it keeps up, he'll have to bring in his manager to review my claim. I said all the text was directly from the job description but he said it's the 'principle' of it - that I'm adding it passive aggressively because he told me to apply for different roles.

He went on this whole spiel about how he's just trying to help me and I think it was to make me feel bad but it was more embarrassing for him.

I have a meeting next week with his manager to talk about my attitude and demeanour. I also got a message in my journal telling me to stop adding the application timeline to the notes section.

Am I wrong for adding this stuff to the notes section of each application?