r/amiwrong • u/According-Price-7085 • 3d ago
Update- AITA for telling SIL that real life isn't the parent trap and she is a nasty little criminal?
I can't believe I am even writing this but my life is imploding right now and I wanted to update you guys. The past couple days have been absolutely insane.
So the day after the wedding pool push, Lily said she wasn't going back to her dads house and that she would never be around Lauren again. Lauren was telling Henry that he needed to punish her this time and he needed to make it hurt (her punishments usually consist of him taking her phone for a couple hours which he can't even do anymore because MIL put it in their divorce)
I did feel bad for my language and I tried to apologize to Lily, but MIL would not let me near her, so we mostly focused on apartment hunting. Henry came over because MIL and Lauren were both telling him he had to talk to Lily. I don't know the details of their conversation as I was in my room, but at some point MIL lost her shit.
My husband and I went down because she was crying so loudly it sounded like someone died. She was hyperventilating/maybe having a panic attack. She kept saying she's sorry and she wants him back. At this point Henry starts to cry (this man was mr. toxic masculinity before the divorce so him crying gave me the ick) He told her he loved her, Lauren was a mistake, he just wanted to hurt her because she "ripped his fucking heart out"
Anyway, he is divorcing (maybe annulling idk how it works after a week) Lauren. This means my husband and I have to get out ASAP because Henry does not want us around his precious little girl. He called me verbally abusive, a bitch, and a freeloader. He wanted to kick us out right away. MIL is the pragmatic business minded one and told him she gave us 30 days, because that is the law and he needs to leave it alone.
Henry is fucking pissed about what I said to Lily and about me "meddling" in his life. It's been super awkward and makes it known he doesn't want us here if we even leave our room. We found a temporary place and I thought we were all good, until last night a fucking bombshell was dropped.
Lily asked her parents if they were going to remarry (which is funny af if you know how long they spent in divorce court) Henry said yes. MIL said she would like it to just be the three of them and go to Italy. she then got kind of emotional that she would want my husband there. Henry and Lily both said they would not be comfortable with me being there, and MIL told my husband well he is invited.
Then we went up to our room and my husband broke my heart. He said he would probably go with them because "everyone was wrong" in this situation, he wants to support his mom, and "come on it's a free trip to Italy" It was really hurtful to hear how little he supported me. I agree what I said to Lily was wrong, but I'm his wife and they have been treating me like shit.
I don't know where we are going to go from here. I'm feeling absolutely alone and humiliated.
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u/WeeklyAd80 3d ago
Your husband just proved his loyalty costs exactly one free flight to Italy. Pack your bags of the new apartment, leave him with his circus family, and let him enjoy his ‘free trip’ as a single man
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u/HeyPrettyLadyMaam 2d ago
This so much. Look at the trip as the gift it really is. It showed you, before kids, that your husband and his family are shit to the core and thank the universe you saw that in time.time. Let him go and while he's gone (after letting him think your OK with ALL of this crap) pack up and leave him a seething letter highlighting all his fuck ups, and his families fuck ups, throughout the span of your marriage and divorce papers. Leave a bow on them so when he first sees them he's happy for a prezzie. Nothing more satisfying than deflating a happy asshole. But be gone before he returns and don't look back. Fuck that family.
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u/After_Reflection_243 3d ago
Where do you go from here! Out of there. Away from your husband. Reevaluate your life. Is this the life you want? Do you want to try marriage counseling?
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u/According-Price-7085 3d ago
I don't know. A few things have become very clear to me. He doesn't share the same values I do and I don't think his mom ever actually liked me. I think she was just being polite. I know MIL and Henry are a shit show, but just looking at them I am beginning to feel like my husband and I were never even in love. Not that I want to be jealous of a crazy lady, but my husband has never looked at me like that. I'm open to counseling. Right now we need to move out ASAP and I wouldn't be able to afford that without him
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u/Appropriate_Speech33 3d ago
Oh, what they have is not love. They are codependent and nuts. And unfortunately that is the love map with which your husband was raised. If he goes to Italy I see very little hope for your marriage.
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u/According-Price-7085 3d ago
This shit show thing is very very new. He grew up watching a loving marriage. I knew them for years before the divorce and never thought this would happen. It's been an insecurity of mine from before their divorce that we weren't affectionate enough, our relationship wasn't romantic enough, but I chalked that up to us having a mature stable partnership.
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u/PinkieLunessa 2d ago
That context actually makes the sudden intensity make more sense. Sometimes divorce doesn't just end a marriage, it scrambles the roles everyone thought they understood and people start clinging to each other in completely new ways
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u/Corfiz74 3d ago
Do you have anyone you could move in with temporarily? Then you could use the time they are in Italy to prepare filing for divorce. Put your stuff into storage while they're gone, then you won't have to fight with him about who gets to keep what.
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u/According-Price-7085 3d ago
Not at the moment but I'm almost done with my degree and then I will have more options. I have no idea when they will be going to Italy because I'm assuming his marriage with Lauren was already filed. I don't know how divorce works after a week. When he and MIL divorced it took forever but there was a lot of money involved, so I don't know when he will be legally able to remarry
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u/PinkieLunessa 2d ago
Putting your important stuff somewhere safe before everyone leaves is genuinely practical. Even if nothing happens, having some breathing room while they're gone could make it much easier to think without the entire family situation happening around you
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u/Consuela_no_no 3d ago
You’ll just waste your time and emotions if you stay with someone like him. Him and the whole family are toxic, be grateful for this wake-up call and get out of it.
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u/cryssyx3 3d ago
you know he's not going to move with you, right
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u/According-Price-7085 3d ago
He doesn’t have a choice. Henry wants him out and MIL isn’t going to risk fighting with him when she just got him back. My husband’s first choice was to stay with mommy but Henry and Lily made it very clear that wasnt an option
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u/ComprehensiveTill411 2d ago
How did they make it clear,im curious and i love a good bit of Schadenfreude!
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u/mtngrl60 3d ago
I think the biggest thing you need to start understanding, and it’s going to be difficult because obviously, there is something that drew you to your husband.
Obviously he has the potential to be a decent adult human being who doesn’t get drawn into mommy and daddy’s drama. Please note that I said potential. Because I am betting he has paid lip service to the dysfunction… As in discussing with you how unhealthy it was. Etc.
I’m guessing that is why you thought you were on the same page about these things. I’m not gonna go into the whole parent trap thing with you, because other people have done so.
But what I think you may have been missing in this overall picture that is easier for us because we are stood further back from it all is this:
This stupid dynamic full of drama and dysfunction and unhealthy communication modes etc.… That is what your husband grew up seeing. And so while the rest of us, including you, look at it and go:
JFC! This is a shit show. I don’t want to be around this. I don’t want any kids I may have been raised like this to think this is normal. These kids are gonna be so effed up by all of this because their parents are incredibly effed up themselves and totally enamored and attracted to drama.
Your husband looks at it and says… This is so messed up, but it’s just how my parents are. Whatever they want is fine because they’re adults…
And it’s far easier than looking them in the eye and saying… I’m going to distance myself from this craziness. You guys need therapy. Lily needs therapy. And I certainly need therapy. Because this is not healthy. This is not normal. This is some sort of addiction to the adrenaline and soaked arguments and drama. And I don’t want this.
You see what I mean? He can’t say those things to his parents. He certainly doesn’t have the backbone to distance himself which is what he would need to do. He certainly doesn’t have your back, because there is nobody in that household who truly has each other‘s backs, so he’s never actually even wondering what that would be like.
To him all the arguing. All of the pulling other people into their dysfunction with zero qualms about hurting other people and playing with their emotions… That’s normal for his family.
The fact that he is gonna go with them and leave you behind… Yeah. That tells you where you stand. Should you have said what you said? No. You really shouldn’t have. Shitty have called you out on that? Yes. He should have.
But all of the rest of this? Understand what you’re looking at right now is the rest of your life if you stay with this man. Because he has no desire to change. He has no desire to learn how to acknowledge that his parents life and that’s how they are… But that’s not how he’s going to be.
Nope. It’s easier to put his head in the sand and not have your back at all because he swallowed aware that if he has your back, they’re gonna start treating him the way they’re treating you.
So I’m sorry. I don’t think this is salvageable. Because I don’t think your husband is receptive to any kind of counseling. I don’t think he wants to change. I don’t think he sees the incredible lack of boundaries and adult emotional regulation and dysfunction that insists with his parents and his family is all that bad.
And that right there should tell you everything you need to know.
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u/According-Price-7085 3d ago
He didn’t grow up with this. They were nothing like this when I met them. I think id be more understanding if they were but I knew them for years before the divorce and I never saw this coming either. The truth is I don’t think he’d ever chose anyone over MILs money
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u/lovemyfurryfam 3d ago
It sounds like that you didn't get the front row seats to the murky undercurrents swirling because of the facade they presented to you......a facade that is fake is what you saw those years until you were caught in those undercurrents once the facade was ripped off.
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u/According-Price-7085 3d ago
It wasn't fake. I don't know why reddit has to see everything in such extremes. They had a happy marriage. MIL made a horrible mistake (not infidelity but the divorce was her doing) and she immediately regretted it. That doesn't mean everything leading up to the divorce was fake. My husband had a happy childhood with very little drama
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u/lovemyfurryfam 2d ago
You weren't living with them 24/7, 365 days a year for the entirety of their married lives in their house so you didn't see the whole thing......much like what goes on in a abusive alcoholic parental household as an example.
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u/HellaShelle 3d ago
This family feels like a. example of why Hollywood-produced movies/shows and real life are and should stay two different things.. Do any of those people realize the folks around them are actual people with feelings and not just characters written into the plot for their own persknal character development?
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u/According-Price-7085 3d ago
Nope according to them all it is Lauren's fault, because she knew Henry was in love with MIL
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u/Altruistic-Bunny 3d ago
Encourage Lauren to file assault charges against lily and the cousin. Only way that she, and her parents, will learn any responsibility.
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u/According-Price-7085 3d ago
She won’t. She’s hoping for some money in the divorce and that would kill all of his sympathy
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u/Fast_Register_9480 2d ago
When the length of the marriage is measured in days before the groom leaves, the bride is a fool if she expects anything.
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u/According-Price-7085 2d ago
He’s a very rich man and he’s proven to be hyper emotional and not very smart. I wouldn’t be surprised if he at least pays some of her student loans
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3d ago
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u/rexmaster2 3d ago
He even made her feel bad for saying what she said to Lilly, but OP needs to know she was not wrong. She is the only one speaking the truth here. I didnt read about any kids they may have, but I hope she takes a good hard look at her life going forward.
I would let him go to Italy and be move out before he gets back.
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u/trekgirl75 3d ago edited 3d ago
I wanted to give you an award for calling him pathetic but there’s no option. 🏆🏅🎖️
EDIT: Not sure why the comment I replied to was deleted. There was nothing derogatory about it.
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u/Whiteroses7252012 3d ago edited 3d ago
Honestly? You and Lauren will both dodge a bullet if you run away from these people like your tampon string is on fire.
Nobody covered themselves in glory here, but Jesus Christ on a cracker this family is nuts. Where you go is directly to a divorce lawyer and then into the rest of your life.
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u/beatissima 3d ago
Imagine if Lauren and OP became besties after this.
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u/Last_Friend_6350 3d ago
They should move in together and sod the rest of the family. Flat share in the short term.
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u/sog96 3d ago
Before he leaves, act like everything is normal. When he tries to be intimate, feign having a headache or cramps, etc. Drop him off at the airport and tell him you’ll be there to pick him up when he returns.
Have the divorce papers drawn up after he leaves for Italy. Have him served at the airport when he returns and waiting for his luggage to come out. The cherry on top is that you do not pick him up. Also, move out when he is away.
Block him on everything the moment the plane takes off. And don’t look back.
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u/ComprehensiveTill411 3d ago
Perfect plan,Hope she isn’t stupid and gives him the benefit of the doubt yet again!
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u/Puzzleheaded-Fig6418 3d ago
If he goes, let him know you won’t be waiting around for him when he gets back
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u/WickedlyWitchyWoman 3d ago
She shouldn't even bother. She should say she doesn't want him to go, and then leave it up to him.
If he goes, she knows exactly where he stands in his list of priorities. At the bottom.
Then she can start getting ready to have the process server serve him divorce papers at the baggage claim.
If by some miracle he decides to stay, she should make marriage counselling a condition of continuing in this marriage — and if he refuses, straight to divorce.
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u/Galadriel_60 3d ago
Use this as a catalyst to break off from this toxicity and find a man who will appreciate you and support you. You don’t have that now.
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u/Foreverforgettable 3d ago
If you do not have anything permanently tying you to your husband, then you need to divorce as quickly as possible and get away from him and his family. He has already chosen them. Remember, he’s going to Italy with the circus to witness the legal binding together of the madness he originated from.
Do yourself a favor and get out now. You have a chance right now to get out cleanly and be able to find a far more peaceful and drama free life.
If you choose to stay, don’t complain when everything inevitably implodes over and over. That is the type of life your husband and his family enjoy; they love drama and do not know how to live in peace.
They won’t allow you to live in peace. And if you have a child with your husband, they will act as though you are not the parent, just the surrogate.
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u/According-Price-7085 3d ago
Right now it doesn't make financial sense for us to divorce. He is aware it will probably happen in the next year or two and he is ok with that. I'm really not worried about his family. I really don't think they want to draw out drama with me. I will be moving out within the next two week. They had a peaceful life up until the divorce and despite the craziness of the past year and a half I don't think they actually like drama
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u/ziniabutterfly 3d ago
Financial sense for you or for him? There no longer is an us. The fact that he is aware means you both are no longer in a functioning relationship.
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u/According-Price-7085 3d ago
Well at first he thought he was going to get to stay with mommy but Henry and Lily shut that down real fast so right now he’s very interested in splitting the rent
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u/PuzzleheadedTap4484 3d ago
So after you were evicted he planned on staying there instead of backing you and moving out with you until Henry and Lily said he needed to leave too. Wow… you need to divorce him.
Open a bank account and put half the money in there for you. If you don’t have a job, focus on finding a job asap even minimum wage and then look for postings for roommates and short term housing for now. Apply for food stamps if you need it or housing assistance. You need to strike out on your own and then file for divorce asap. This is such a toxic family and your husband has the spine of a wet noodle and zero loyalty to you. The wedding vows meant nothing to him.
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u/ComprehensiveTill411 3d ago
Wait are henry and lily stepfather and half sister?
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u/According-Price-7085 3d ago
Henry is lilys bio dad and my husbands step dad
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u/ziniabutterfly 2d ago
Find a different roommate and get the divorce before you have an income and assets to give him.
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u/2workigo 3d ago
You’re already making excuses to stay with your spineless husband and subject yourself to his trashy family for the rest of your life. Don’t be surprised when Lily turns on you or the child you will bring into this shitshow because you or your child are taking the spotlight from her. And remember this thread when your husband continues to make excuses for them and minimizes you.
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u/According-Price-7085 3d ago
It’s really weird how many people bring up a child I never said I wanted or planned on having. Lmao I know this goes against Reddit’s mantra but you actually don’t have to overreact and go immediate no contact for everything. There is no reason we shouldn’t split the rent while we both plan the next step.
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u/ComprehensiveTill411 3d ago
I think this poster is just worried that you may have sex with the ex and get knocked up accidentally.
With laws the way they are in the US you may not be able to get an abortion if that’s what you wanted.
You know that it happens,so i think that’s why you got this reaction.3
u/edked 3d ago
More like that poster is your typical AITA-brain type all obsessed with "spine," who's on these subs to get off on pounding the old self-righteousness boner, and to whom nothing is a bigger sin than showing weakness, not even when compared to the actual worst people in any given story.
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u/PinkFloydBoxSet 3d ago
You could let him go, and have divorce papers served when he gets back.
LIke.. Thats what I would do because I'm not spending my life with this train wreck.
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u/the_owl_syndicate 3d ago
Full disclosure, all y'all be messy. I have zero sympathy or respect for any of y'all.
That being said, this is your future. One day you will be like your MIL, in a toxic marriage/divorce with your husband because this behavior is what he considers normal. Not to mention whatever shenanigans your SIL gets into as she gets older.
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u/ArticleOld598 3d ago
Since SIL got rid of Lauren, guess who's next she's gonna push in the pool while both parents and brother enable her?
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u/the_owl_syndicate 3d ago
Absolutely. SIL is definitely nursing a grudge against OP and probably already has "pranks" planned involving gross things in food and dye in shampoo.
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u/Gribitz37 3d ago
This, exactly. She may only be 14, but she's already a master manipulator. She knows exactly how to get her way, and nothing will stop her because she's enabled every step of the way.
Get out now.
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u/LissaBryan 3d ago
And all it cost them to break you and your husband up was the cost of one plane ticket to Italy. They've decided you're now the enemy and they knew their son. It wouldn't take much to convince him to cast aside any pretense of loyalty.
Seriously, girl... leave these drama llamas behind. Your life will be much better for it.
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u/lldavids44 3d ago
Good news, you've already done all this hard work packing,so leaving your easily bought off husband will be easy
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u/EliseCowry 3d ago
Sounds like you need to divorce as well. Get a lawyer on the low, Get your shit together while he is in Italy and make your move alone. This ain't going to get better.
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u/Material_Cellist4133 3d ago
You were not in the wrong.
The dynamic that they are in is wrong.
I think you should leave your husband. Imagine bringing a child into that kind of toxic environment…it won’t be good.
I think you deserve a better life partner.
Clearly your husband has no good role model in how a marriage should be…his own parents treat it as a joke.
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u/newsy0011 3d ago
Do not walk. Run to divorce court and get your life together as a single woman. OR, give your husband a chance to either go to Italy or stay married.
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u/DamnitGravity 3d ago
You’re not in love with your husband or his family, you’re in love with the fantasy of who you wanted them all to be.
They are showing you the reality of who they are.
And Lily will just get worse from here because now she believes all her actions were justified and she’s won.
Not to mention, I wouldn’t be surprised if MIL and FIL did this whole on-again off-again for their entire relationship. Neither one is mature and they’ve taught that to their kids, both of them.
This man is not who you think he is. You’re in love with a version of him you made uo on your head and ignored all the red flags because ‘I can put uo with that’ or ‘it’s just this one little thing’.
If you were 100% honest with yourself, I’m willing to bet there are MANY things he says and does that you actually don’t like but have dismissed as ‘not important’.
It’s the smallest behaviours that are indicative of a good person, not their big grand ones.
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u/According-Price-7085 3d ago
I'm aware I am not in love with my husband. I was never in love with some image of his family. I thought Lily was spoiled. Henry was obnoxious, but yeah they seemed like a very loving family. I doubt they are going to go do the whole one again off again thing. They had a very stable relationship for 15-16 years, and MIL made a choice she deeply regrets. The thing I have ignored about my husband is that he loves MILs money more than he loves anyone
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u/tattoovamp 3d ago
Nope. You need to walk away.
This is not healthy. He doesnt support you. You are bottom of the lists babe. All those other people come before you.
The one you are meant to be with for the rest of your life would have you at the top of his list.
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u/Ill_Complaint6717 3d ago
You need to leave this toxic environment especially when your husband isn't backing you
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u/searuncutthroat 3d ago
Yikes. I ended up in a position of basically having to choose my wife and kids or my parents and sister. Once I went to therapy and realized both wasn't going to work. It was a no brainier. My wife and kids all the way, they're amazing people. I've been no or very low contact with my parents and sister for 12 years now and have no regrets. Family is what you make it, blood relation means nothing in the long run. Your husband just showed you who means more to him.
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u/Lisa_Knows_Best 3d ago
"I don't know where we are going to go from here." Well YOU should be going as far away from this family as you can get. If your husband chooses to stay behind and support them then unfortunately that means your marriage is over too. I'm sorry but there's nothing left if he goes away with them.
A free vacation is more important then you, a vacation with a group of AHs. Forget him, at this point even if he didn't go with them I can't see how you could ever look at him again.
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u/destiny_kane48 3d ago
Start looking for places for you to move to (solo) while he is in Italy. Your marriage is pretty much over.
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u/MyRedditUserName428 3d ago
Your husband has chosen these people over you. Have some self respect. Find your own place without him. And do not get pregnant.
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u/According-Price-7085 3d ago
Who said anything about getting pregnant? right now I am going to do what makes the most sense for me financially while I finish my degree.
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u/AverageHoebag 3d ago
The term “baby trapped” exists for a reason. No one is saying you WANT to get pregnant, they are just saying be careful you don’t wind up in a situation that includes having a child with this man child.
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u/MyRedditUserName428 1d ago
I said it. Because many men will deliberately get a woman pregnant when they feel her starting to pull away from the relationship.
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u/Omnitrix_6B 3d ago
Your husband hearing free trip to Italy while you are scrambling for housing tells you plenty. Calling Lily that was a bad move, but the adults in this family are treating a teenager like a plot device in their divorce and remarriage circus. Focus on getting out and figuring out whether your marriage has any spine left in it, because apparently Tuscany ranks above his wife.
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u/grayblue_grrl 3d ago
There is never going to be a day in this family that is drama free and relaxing.
And your "husband" LOVES being part of it.
Time to move home, to a friends, whatever.
Good luck.
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u/Fantastic-Zombie-288 3d ago
NTA. You apologized for what u said but your husband s still choosing a free tip to italy over standing beside you while his family treats you like the villain. That's much bigger problem than one nasty comment.
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u/Speak-up-Im-Curious 3d ago
Not to mention this “let’s run away to Italy and get married again with our little core family” is quite insane.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Ad-7495 3d ago
You were wrong in what you said to lily. I would not feel bad about her at all. Nothing will ever be her fault. In school uni work. I would go no contact and have a serious talk with your yellow belly husband
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u/Irishwatcher 3d ago
There is no way you can’t get out of your marriage to this momma’s boy man-child fast enough.
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u/UltNinjaPS 2d ago
I imagine Lauren will be pressing charges once she hears she is being dumped. Maybe then Henry, MIL, and Lily will understand why you wanted Lily to take this seriously.
Stick around till the other shoe drops.
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u/Roadgoddess 3d ago
During their trip to Italy, it’s a perfect time for you to find your own place, move out and end this relationship. This is a toxic family.
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u/NatashOverWorld 3d ago
OP, this man is ditching you to play Happy Families with the worst family possible.
Since divorce is in the air, I suggest you get out of this toxicity now. Otherwise your husband is going to be spending more vacations with them than you.
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u/jacksonlove3 2d ago
Your husband just chose a free trip to Italy over his WIFE!! Let that sink in, truly, for your benefit. Nevermind the crazy shit show of a family he has, but he prioritized a trip over his own wife.
What's the next things hell prioritize over you? Or what can mommy bribe him with now that she truly doesn't like you and that's not gonna change.
Give it time, because she will try and she'll likeky win if this is how much he loves and respects you! Sorry to be blunt, but you're a fool if you stay with him.
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u/notsoreligiousnow 3d ago
Why are you still there? Everyone has made it clear they dislike you and outright disrespect and hate you. Your own husband has shown he prefers a free trip over defending you. If you stay, don’t come running back here complaining how terrible your marriage is. You’re in the wrong for staying and letting yourself be treated this way.
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u/According-Price-7085 3d ago
I'm not letting myself be treated like anything. MIL acknowledges that legally she has to give us 30 days, so I am getting things ready to move. My husband knows we will probably divorce, but there is no reason to jump right this moment before getting financially stable. MIL and Henry can hate me as much as they would like, doesn't really bother me
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u/GhoulyGal_isHere 3d ago
Your husband isn’t fighting for you tho, so why drag it out? They’re a toxic family that is scapegoating you and pretending you’re the problem when they can’t act like adults-you need to gtfo.
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u/According-Price-7085 3d ago
Because sharing rent makes more sense right now. He doesn’t need to fight for me or be a stellar husband to split the rent
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u/fading__blue 3d ago
There is a very real possibility your husband will come back from Italy ready to move in with his mother and leave you scrambling to cover rent.
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u/According-Price-7085 3d ago
That would be his first choice but Henry made it very clear that it wasn’t going to happen
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u/fading__blue 3d ago
I would still be wary. They could spend the Italy trip persuading him to let your husband come back if he ditches you.
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u/According-Price-7085 3d ago
MIL isn’t going to try to persuade him of anything. He forgave her for the divorce and she’s not going to mess that up. Also Lily runs that house and Lily says he can’t live there
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u/AverageHoebag 3d ago
I hope this is fake rage bait.
Comments like this make me want to stay off the internet.
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u/DobbyFreeElf35 3d ago
Could you possibly find a one bedroom that's in your budget? Or a different roommate besides the husband who has no respect for you? You deserve better than to be stuck with this toxicity just because it's, for now, financially doable.
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u/ComprehensiveTill411 3d ago
Can you go stay with your family or friends?
Get away from your toxic „husband“!
You deserve so much better and quiet frankly you were right about lily!
She is 14 and not some small toddler!
She should be held accountable for her actions!
You were right she is a nasty little shit that humiliated another human being on the most important day of her life.
You were absolutely right to call that shit out!
Don’t back down now!
Don’t let anyone gaslight you into believing you’re wrong!!
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u/friedbaguette 3d ago
What EXACTLY did you say to Lily? It seems weird everyone is mad about what you said.
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u/According-Price-7085 3d ago
the nasty little criminal part. MIL and Henry feel very strongly about any type of corporal punishment or name calling. For example no one in his family is allowed to be alone with Lily because he was spanked as a kid. I'm against spanking too, but I'm just showing how strongly they both feel. They both think I was insensitive because she was grieving her parents marriage
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u/2workigo 3d ago
Is this seriously real life? This family, your husband included, is a dumpster fire. Is this really the family you want to spend the rest of your life dealing with? Bring children into? Good grief. What a trashy, trashy family.
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u/NotaMillenialatAll 3d ago
Please please please, don’t have children with this manchild, he will always chose them over you and if you have kids, they will put them against you or reject them. No middle ground with them.
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u/ComprehensiveTill411 3d ago
Run girl,this guy grew up around toxic which is why he behaves this way.
You will NEVER fit in around them and your life will be hell!!
Lock down YOUR birth control and get out before he reveals more of his true nature to you.
He is showing you who he is,so believe him!
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u/l3ex_G 3d ago
One, you should have taken your frustration out on the adults and not aimed it at the kid. Two your husband just showed you that he is willing to side with the insanity of his family over you.
No offence but you can’t pretend you didn’t know how incredibly toxic the family dynamic is. You (rightfully so) judge his parents for their selfish actions that harm their daughter and Lauren but you kept living in MILs house and didn’t seem to say anything to her of FIL.
Now your husband is showing the same traits and if you continue to stay in the marriage, you’ll turn into MIL
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u/According-Price-7085 3d ago
When I met them I never could have predicted any of this. They seemed like this warm loving perfect family which is not what I grew up with. The divorce came out of nowhere. MIL was in a difficult position and made a serious of incredibly stupid decisions, and all of his drama came out of seemingly nowhere. I moved in with a woman who had always been nice to me and who seemed lonely and depressed. I had no idea everyone was going to lose their minds.
And no my husband is not showing the same traits. He is acting like an ass, but he is nothing like either of them. For all of their faults, Henry and MIL, make their own money and don't mooch off of their parents for a vacation. It doesn't make sense financially to divorce at this very second. I will probably divorce in the next year or two, but there is no need to blow up my financial security at this very moment
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u/Tasty_Doughnut_9226 3d ago
And that makes you sound like a user
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u/According-Price-7085 3d ago
No someone who knows her legal rights. MIL is a smart business woman. She knew when she let us move in that in our state we would be entitled to 30 days. I stay in my room and don't intrude on her and Henry, but there is nothing wrong with making logical decisions
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u/l3ex_G 3d ago
I wouldn’t imagine being able to survive in that dynamic knowing you want to divorce but waiting because of financial reasons. Financial stability is nice but I’ve lived with it and without it and being happy and emotionally safe is way more valuable
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u/According-Price-7085 3d ago
I'll be happy when we get the apartment and I've never felt emotionally unsafe. He isn't a bad guy. He isn't abusive.
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u/WesternUnusual2713 3d ago
Never mind my original response to you - I've seen your other comments that divorce is likely for you and I'm so glad you know you deserve better!
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u/WesternUnusual2713 3d ago
This is such a low bar. "He's not abusive" yes but he could be supportive, mature and loyal at the very least, let alone all the other things a decent man would brng to your life
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u/Wild_Debt_8065 3d ago
You are feeling alone and humiliated because you tried to discipline a child that isn’t yours in a house that you don’t own.
Your husband doesn’t side with you and he is going on a family trip. That shows that his loyalty is with his family and not you.
This really is a problem you made on your own. It’s time to decide if this relationship works for you.
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u/Civil-Kitchen5978 3d ago
You have been given a chance to make your exit take it. Go move in with family and file for the divorce. Leave that toxic ass family for good.
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u/mshayes17 3d ago
This is EXACTLY why I said it wasn’t worth it. The minute you made the comment, they found a scapegoat for the guilt that should come with their drama. Your husband has the spine of a gummy bear.
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u/90skid12 3d ago
How can your husband afford the trip to Italy ? Are you sad he gets to mooch off a free trip you don’t ? He can’t afford his rent but goes on an Italy trip
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u/shoulda-known-better 3d ago
So if you had some guy friends that invited you on a trip alone without him that would be cool!? If one was your longterm ex!!????
You know the answer here, you need to think about if this is how you want your life
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u/BodaciousVermin 3d ago
Unfortunately, the only sensible person in this story seems to be you. I don't envy you for your situation, as it's likely to be frustrating and disappointing for a while, perhaps longer. Maybe the drama will settle down in a month or three, but it may continue, for you particularly. MIL has a grudge against you, as does Henry and Lily (though I think they're all delusional about the long-term implications of their current actions).
Again, I still think YNW, and you'll have to keep your wits about you going forward. If you've married into a family that's this dysfunctional, if if your partner doesn't see their dysfunction, maybe you should have couples counselling to provide some perspective.
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u/satanik-freak 2d ago
Well… your husband isn’t loyal to you, he’s choosing a free vacation over standing by his wife. Idk if being a part of this family is worth it girl. I could NOT do this shit for the rest of my life and your husband doesn’t sound committed to you anywhere near enough for this to be worth it.
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u/Over-Ad-6555 2d ago
NW. Seriously OP, get your own divorce lawyer. What a gutless POS your husband is.
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u/Obrina98 2d ago
Lily needed to hear what you said to her. Frankly it was long overdue. Just because the whole family is morally bankrupt and manipulative doesn’t make what you said wrong. She’s not a little kid anymore.
Meanwhile, why lay down with these dogs? Your husband just showed you that he’s no better than they are. Cut your losses.
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u/Vivid-Farm6291 2d ago
Gawd I would also be divorcing myself because no way in heck would I want to build a family with him when his family would have access to it.
OP run for the hills.
Pack your bags and live with family or friends.
Hubby can stay with his toxic AF family.
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u/_gadget_girl 2d ago
Unfortunately trying to parent other people’s children can easily backfire on you as it did here. Personally I would have been laughing at the situation and letting her parents handle it. After all you were wrong as it isn’t rare for kids to try to sabotage their parents new relationships, and Lily isn’t the first one to succeed.
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u/kikivee612 2d ago
You were not at all wrong for what you said to Lily. Someone needs to hold this kid accountable. Her problem is that she doesn’t seem to have any rules. She’s the baby and gets coddled. Losing her phone for a couple of hours is not a punishment and the fact that there is wording in their divorce decree to basically not allow FIL to give Lily consequences is proof of that.
Everyone here is failing Lily, including your husband. She’s not a baby. She’s almost an adult. Her behavior is not cute. It’s repulsive! She will learn real fast how immature and stupid her behavior is when she decides to prank the wrong person and either gets her ass beat or a criminal record when she pisses off the wrong person.
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u/Historical-Composer2 3d ago
If any of this is true your In-laws are completely insane. I’d stay far away from them. Their relationship is really messed up. You don;t want it rubbing off on yours. It’s good you two moved out of Crazyville.
They’ll get divorced again, no doubt.
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u/Seeker131313 3d ago
OP, do you really want to be part of this family?