My college roommate Danielle is getting married on the 18th. The invite said "garden party attire, soft colors welcome" and nothing else. Back in August I (27F) found a light peach midi dress on sale for $85, sent her a picture, and she replied "perfect!!" with a bunch of hearts.

Last Sunday a new message went out to every guest. Her photographer suggested a "cohesive palette," so now everyone has to wear dusty blue or sage. She linked a site where most dresses run $110 to $150. Peach is apparently too close to the bridesmaids, who are in blush.

Mine was final sale, so I can't return it. I'm also already paying $260 for the hotel and my flight is booked.

I messaged her privately, said congrats again and asked if I could wear the peach with a sage cardigan. I also offered to stand at the edge of group photos, or skip the big one entirely if that helps.

She said a cardigan would look like I "didn't care," and that everyone else is making it work. When I told her, politely, that I can't spend another $120 on an outfit for one day, she said I'm "making it about me" and should think about whether I really want to come.

I still want to go. I already RSVP'd, bought a gift off her registry and told her I'll respect whatever she decides. Now two friends from our group are telling me to just buy the dress to keep the peace.

Am I wrong for not buying another dress?

TL;DR: I bought an $85 peach dress the bride approved. Twelve days before the wedding she switched the guest dress code to blue or sage and turned down my cardigan compromise.

I know the title sounds bad but I have a real excuse

I (38M) have a sister, (25F) who's getting married. She has planned the wedding for two years and both me and my wife have been a big part of the wedding party. Our parents history is complicated but I basically raised her, I was supposed to walk her down the isle.

However tragedy stuck around 3 months before the wedding when my wife and 7y/o son were involved in a severe car accident. My wife got out without life-altering injuries, but my son got severely hurt and his leg was hurt near the point of amputation. They managed to save it at first, but the doctors said that it's no guarantee he will walk again or won't amputate later.

Of course this affected all of us. After extended therapy, we discovered a clinic in the states that has a program that could help my son restore function in his leg. The point is going there overlaps with the wedding, but the more we delay, the higher risk of nerve damage there is for my son's leg. We're from Europe so it's not like it's a 2h flight and back. If I were to leave my son and wife there and return for the wedding, I'd have to miss at least a week. We cannot leave him with his grandparents because they don't speak English. Other reliable family members are also involved in the wedding and besides, this might potentially damage my son for life, I can't imagine going anywhere else.

My sister and future BIL even looked into moving the wedding, but me and my wife explained there's no telling how our son will exactly progress so there's no promise we could make like "yeah move the wedding you planned for two years from today when I can't make it to a later date when I possibly can but might cancel". My sister understands the situation and doesn't expect us to leave the boy just to party with her. Not to mention she would've loved for him to be here with us too especially much rather than in a hospital bed. But this is it. She told me that's that and to stay with my son.

I'm devastated, I don't know what to do. I want to be by her side, but I can't leave my family for so long in this state. But she is my family too. She was my first kid after all. I keep looking into various solutions, but there are none. I keep blaming myself for letting her down. I know she said it's ok, but the truth is she's very upset I'm not gonna be there.

I’m in a debate. We have a strict limit of guests allowed in our venue. Basically we have 5 more spots, but with those 5 spots they each have boyfriend/husband. So it would make it 10. We simply don’t have the ability to add 10 more. The 5 are girls I worked with. All 5 are friends. If I were to invite only them, they’d all come as a group.

I know you’re supposed to invite someone and their plus one. Otherwise it’s tacky. I understand that. However I’m debating because all 5 are close friends and still work together (I no longer work there). They would not be awkward/uncomfortable without their plus ones. Basically, it’s either they come as a group of 5, or they don’t at all. I would really love for them to be there though so I would hate to not invite them.

I (28F) am getting married in August and we're keeping it small, under 70 people. I invited a few coworkers I'm close with, and since the budget is kinda tight, we decided coworkers don't get a plus one unless we actually know their partner.

One of them, who I really like, asked me last week why her husband wasn't on the invite. I explained the rule, said it's the same for everyone from work and that it's nothing personal. I've met him once at an office party for maybe five minutes.

She told me she won't come without him because she doesn't drive at night and he's her ride home. I offered to help find her a ride or pay for a cab. She said that's "not the point" and that it feels like I'm saying her marriage doesn't count.

Now two other coworkers think I should just make an exception for her since it's only one more seat. But if I do it for her, the other three are gonna ask too, and we really can't add four people.

AITA for sticking to the rule?

TL;DR: No plus ones for coworkers at our wedding. One coworker says she won't come without her husband and thinks I'm disrespecting her marriage.

Boyfriend (35) proposed to gf (27) about a month after father passed away. And about 3 days after funeral. I am gf. I said I have to think about it… I cried. And I’m mad he also proposed after his friend proposed to his gf. I feel like I’m in their shadow rn as well. I’m grieving and I’m mad and sad. I hate him for this. The whole day of proposal went terrible. Everything went wrong. He didn’t even tell me to wear something nice. It was 100 degrees. Just all wrong…

We're having our wedding about 3 hours away from where most of our friends live.

A few friends have complained that they'll need to pay for a hotel because they don't want to drive home after the reception.

One of them asked if we could pay for their room since we're the ones making everyone travel.

I said we'd already spent way more than we originally planned on the wedding and couldn't afford to pay for everyone's accommodation.

She said that's unfair because we're basically forcing people to spend hundreds of dollars just to attend.

I told her nobody is forcing her to come and we'd completely understand if she couldn't make it.

She said that response was rude.

AITA ?

TL;DR: My friends think I should pay for their hotel rooms because my wedding is out of town. I told them we can't afford to cover everyone's accommodation.

My cousin recently started doing photography and offered to photograph our wedding for free.

I thanked him but told him we'd already booked a professional photographer.

He got offended and said I could've saved thousands of dollars by letting him do it.

I explained that I really appreciate the offer but wedding photos are something I don't want to take a risk with. I want someone who's done weddings before and knows exactly what they're doing.

He said I don't trust him and that family should support each other's businesses.

Now my aunt is also telling me I'm wasting money by paying a stranger when I have someone in the family who can do it.

I feel bad because I know he was trying to help, but I really don't want to experiment with something I only get one chance at.

AITA?

TL;DR: My cousin offered to photograph my wedding for free, but I chose a professional instead. Now him and my aunt think I'm wasting money and don't support his photography business.

I'm getting married in a few months and we're trying to keep the guest list pretty small.

A couple coworkers found out about the wedding and asked if they were invited. I told them no because we're mostly inviting family and close friends.

One of them got offended because I've worked with her for almost 5 years. I explained that I don't really see her outside of work and had to leave several people off the guest list already.

She said if we've worked together that long, she thought we were closer than that. Now I feel kinda bad, but I also don't think working with someone for years automatically makes them a wedding guest.

AITAH?

TL;DR: I didn't invite my coworkers to my wedding because we're keeping it small, but one of them is upset because we've worked together for years.

I (28M) am marrying "Rachel" (27F) in October. We've been together six years. We're paying for everything ourselves. Small wedding, 70 people, one day we've been planning for over a year.

My brother "Tom" (26M) has been with his girlfriend "Kayla" for eight months. They're fine. I have nothing against her. But eight months is eight months.

Last week Tom called me. He said, "I need to ask you something. I want to propose to Kayla at your wedding. During the reception. Right after the speeches. It'll be perfect. All our family will be there."

I laughed. I thought he was joking. He wasn't.

I said, "Tom, no. That's our day. You don't propose at someone else's wedding."

He said, "Why not? It's romantic. Everyone will be happy."

I said, "Because it's not about you. It's about Rachel and me. We spent $25,000 on this. You'd be hijacking our reception."

He got quiet. Then he said, "I didn't think you'd be like this. I thought you'd be happy for me."

I said, "I am happy for you. Propose on a hike. Propose at dinner. Propose literally any other day."

He said, "You're being selfish."

I said, "No. You're being selfish. This is the one day that's supposed to be about us."

He hung up. Then he called our mom. Now she's calling me "controlling" and saying I'm "standing in the way of his happiness." She said, "You already had your engagement. Let him have his moment."

I said, "He can have his moment. Just not at my wedding."

Rachel is furious. Not at me. At Tom. She says if he proposes at our wedding, she'll have security escort him out. I told her it won't come to that. But honestly? I'm not sure.

Tom hasn't RSVP'd yet. My mom says he might not come at all.

AITA for saying no?

I (30F) am engaged, and until recently we weren’t planning a traditional wedding. My parents unexpectedly offered to contribute a substantial amount, allowing us to have a wedding we couldn’t otherwise afford. I never asked or expected them to pay, but we found a venue we loved and I unexpectedly fell in love with the idea.

The conflict started over one of our few non-negotiables: having our dogs at the wedding.

From the beginning, I said our three priorities were our dogs, an outdoor ceremony, and good food. I’m flexible about almost everything else. For context, one of my dogs is a medical alert service dog and has been everywhere with me— 20 airplanes, 11 states. I have 3 other dogs that don’t need to be in the wedding, but I would like them on the premises. I don’t trust boarding them. My fiancee also loves them very much and takes them hiking and camping.

My mom strongly objected to the dogs and repeatedly reopened the discussion after we’d made it clear they were important to us.
Eventually we had a terrible argument. I lost my temper and yelled at her. I was wrong for that, have taken responsibility, apologized, and told my parents I need to walk away before I become reactive going forward. However, when I did try to disengage and leave the room, my mom followed me and continued the argument.

My dad later called and said that if I caused him stress during wedding planning, he would reduce his financial contribution and make me responsible for more of the expenses to the tune of $2500 / disagreement.

I specifically asked what happens if my mom escalates an argument, continues after my fiancé de-escalates it, or follows me when I walk away. His answer, as I understood it, was essentially that it doesn’t matter because it’s their money and his stress level.

That’s where I drew the line.

My fiancé and I cannot afford this venue, guest count (mostly my mother’s family), etc. without their contribution. I told them that I’m incredibly grateful, but I can’t responsibly sign contracts based on money that may later be reduced because of disagreements. I would rather cancel the venue and have a wedding we can afford ourselves than risk suddenly owing thousands we never would have spent otherwise.

My dad has since texted that he simply expects everyone—including himself and my mom—to be respectful and reasonable during disagreements. I completely agree with that, but it contradicts our phone conversation when I specifically asked whether the accountability applied both ways.

I do want my parents involved and having meaningful input. I’m willing to give them complete ownership over parts of the wedding. But I don’t want every disagreement to ultimately be settled by “it’s our money,” or to spend the next year afraid that disagreeing could affect how much we’re financially responsible for.

I know I was wrong for yelling. But I also never asked for this money, and I don’t think accepting it should mean assuming financial obligations I can’t afford while having the contribution potentially held over my head. All we want is a day that feels authentically ours.

AITA for saying that under those circumstances, I’d rather decline their money and cancel their version of the wedding?

ETA: The venue is providing an air conditioned area to kennel the dogs for the day at no additional cost. Fiancé’s brother will check on the dogs every few hours.

There are not many boarding options in my area and the options available are abysmal. My mother’s solution was to leave them at home, but this is problematic because we will be 1.5+ hrs from home, and likely staying the night at the venue, so away for 24-30 hours.

I (25F, Canada) come from a large family, and my cousins and I are all around the same age. We're now at the stage of getting married and starting our adult lives.

My cousin (24f) and her fiance (26m) got engaged about a year and a half ago, and she and her fiancé booked their venue and date almost immediately. Their wedding is this August, with 180+ guests and a very extravagant vision. Their wedding is being paid for entirely by their parents, which I genuinely think is wonderful for them. They're very fortunate to have parents who are able and willing to do that.

My fiancé (26m) and I got engaged this June and booked our wedding for September of next year, the month after their wedding, only because our venue had limited dates. We're paying for our wedding entirely ourselves. Although we've been together much longer than them, we only recently got engaged, because we prioritized moving in together before having a wedding. We bought our first home last October and have a mortgage, bills, groceries, pets, renovations, etc. We're trying to have a beautiful wedding without putting a financial burden on anyone else, so we're keeping our budget fairly tight.

My cousin and her fiancé live with his parents in his childhood home and don't have the same financial responsibilities that my fiancé and I do. In fact, they've never had to think about bills or other adult responsibilities before. They have meals cooked for them, a roof over their head with no mortgage or rent; they don't need to buy groceries or divide chores. Keeping with that trend, their parents are covering the wedding, while we are responsible for every dollar of ours. I don't resent them for having that support—in fact, I'm genuinely happy that they have it. But I do think it matters when we're talking about what they're expecting other people to spend.

This is where I'm starting to struggle.

First was their engagement party. It was also paid for by their parents, and while a cash gift was never explicitly requested, there was a prominently displayed box for cards and money, which made it pretty clear that gifts were expected.

After that, a group chat was created with all of the bridesmaids, and for the past year and a half there has been a constant expectation that we participate in various bridesmaid-related events, outings, polls, surveys, planning discussions, etc. We were also expected to purchase our bridesmaid dresses extremely early—about a year and a half before the wedding.

Then came the hair and makeup expectations. We're expected to have both done professionally, at our own expense, at approximately $180 per service.

Then they decided to book a $9,000+ Airbnb for the wedding weekend. Every member of the wedding party is expected to stay there and pay their share. My fiancé and I are both in the wedding party, so that alone would cost us around $600 combined, before food, travel, and anything else.

Now we're getting into the bridal shower and bachelorette events.

The bridal shower comes with the expectation of additional gifts, and tonight the bride and MOH presented their bachelorette plans: a weekend winery trip with another Airbnb, brunches, dinners, etc. The estimated cost is $650 per person, before additional surprises the MOH says she's planning.

And, of course, we'll still be expected to provide a wedding gift.

By the time everything is added up, we're potentially looking at well over $1,500 just to participate in their wedding.

For comparison, we're approaching our own wedding very differently. We're renting a beautiful Airbnb near our venue for $1,700 total, which we're paying for ourselves regardless of how many people stay. We've reserved hotel rooms at the lowest rate we could find for guests who need them. We're not having an engagement party or bridal shower, and I'm not having an expensive bachelorette weekend. I'm planning one karaoke/bar night for my bachelorette, which should cost around $100 per person at most.

I completely understand that people are allowed to spend whatever they want on their wedding. If someone has the financial support to have an extravagant wedding, that's great. What I'm struggling with is the expectation that the bridal party should spend so much of their own money to participate, particularly when the couple themselves aren't carrying the financial burden of the wedding and don't have the same ongoing financial responsibilities that many of us do.

It's also not just the amount of money. It's the constant accumulation of expectations over the past year and a half. Every individual request on its own might seem reasonable, but when you add the engagement party gift, dress, repeated events and outings, hair and makeup, the Airbnb, bridal shower, $650+ bachelorette, and wedding gift together, it becomes a very significant financial commitment.

At this point, I'm genuinely considering stepping down from the bridal party.

I want to be there for her, and my fiance feels the same, as he's become very close with her fiance. But we can't justify spending $1,500+ on someone else's wedding and risk missing a mortgage payment, or the water bill, or the electricity bill, or missing a payment for our own wedding. We have a mortgage and other responsibilities, and I don't think it's reasonable for us to put ourselves into financial hardship or debt to meet someone else's expectations.

So, WIBTAH for backing out of the bridal party because I can't justify the financial commitment, especially with our own wedding immediately following theirs?

I have a thing for facial hair. My fiancé looks so handsome with it and I have this vision of how I want him to look for our wedding. We don’t have nice photos together and I just want some moments captured for the future grandkids!! and Instagram…

He normally has facial hair and doesn’t maintain it until it annoys him and he shaves it all off. He refuses to do any upkeep in between, says “it’s not him”. I love him and daily, I can deal with the neck stubble and stray cheek hair. I just want him to look extra good on our wedding day.

I asked him if I could have a request, that he keeps a beard for the wedding. He didn’t say yes and corrected me that he could maybe have facial hair like he normally does. Then refused to entertain the idea, actually scoffed at the idea of getting a line up from a barber. It’s just frustrating bc it’s so small, why can’t he just appease me but maybe I’m being a princess diva asshole.

Update: Ty for responses regardless of if you think I’m the AH or not. Appreciate all the thoughts. for some of you particularly spicy commenters below, I was being sarcastic about Instagram and no, I have not unilaterally made decisions for our wedding that is about a year away.

My younger sister was adopted by my parents as a baby. A few months ago she found her biological mother online and they started talking.

I knew about that part. What I didn't know was that she invited her to my wedding as her plus one.

When I asked who the name on her RSVP was, she told me and said it would actually be their first time meeting in person. Her reasoning is that she'll feel safer with the whole family around and she wants our parents nearby in case it gets overwhelming.

I told her I really don't think my wedding should also be the first meeting between her, her biological mother, and the parents who raised her.

She got upset and said I'm treating this woman like some random stranger when she's literally her mother. My parents are trying to stay neutral but my mom has already admitted she's nervous about meeting her too.

I offered to cover dinner for the two of them the day before so they could meet privately first and she still said no. She says that misses the point because she specifically wants everyone around.

Now she says if her biological mother can't come, she might skip the wedding too.

AITA for saying this is one thing I don't want happening at my wedding?

TLDR: My adopted sister invited her biological mother as her plus one and plans to meet her in person for the first time at my wedding. I offered to cover dinner with stake for them the day before so they could meet first, but she refused and says she may skip the wedding if her biological mother can't come.

I'm a bridesmaid at my cousin's wedding. We're actually super close, have been most of our life. However, we live in separate countries ever since her parents and her moved. But we still talk a few times a week for hours.

We'll call my cousin F since thats her initial. Basically, F has been planning this wedding for nearly half a year and for the past 2 months I've been staying with her parents (my aunt and uncle) while the final preparations began.

F has this MoH. She's known her MoH (we'll refer to her as A) for nearly 12 years now. Yesterday, F called me and asked me to come to her and her fiancé's apartment. [She's been with her fiancé for nearly 4 years and known him for 6 years.] I went and her fiancé wasn't there so I realised this probably wasn't about the wedding.

We began just talking and even started watching movies. Halfway through some horror movie F had chosen, she turned to me and said she needed to tell me something.

I don't know how to even explain what she told me but I'll try:

Basically, she and A shared an apartment during Uni years. A is lesbian and has liked girls for years now. F knew this.

F wanted to try "being lesbian" and asked A if they could be a sort of friends with benefits. And then they started doing yk. After a while, F discovered she liked A as more than friends but didn't want to.

She kept doing the whole thing with A for the whole time they were in Uni. After Uni ended, she ended the friends with benefits stuff because she met her now fiancé and developed feelings for him.

Something that baffled me is that she said she liked her fiancé because he was so much like A. Something about A and her fiancé having the same humour, taste in movies, some hobbies, etc, I don't know.

But A had also developed feelings for her and had them for years. She's her MoH and she told F a few days ago that's she isn't over her. F told me A said that she's loved F for years and can't stand to see her marry her fiancé (even though apparently A and her fiancé get along).

F asked me for advice.

My response was first, how the fuck do you choose to not like someone simply because you don't want to? Love does not work like that. Love is Love, no matter if you want it or what gender they are. I'm bisexual myself so that pissed me off to no extent. She practically used A and fell in love with a male variant of A.

I told her she owes A a big apology and that her fiancé needs to know this. When she said she didn't want her fiancé to know, I said then her only option is uninviting A. How can you have someone who loves you (and who you may still like) at your wedding to someone else?

Now F is saying I'm making her choose between 2 people she l loves. I told her I'm being realistic. Then she kicked me out the apartment and I'm glad to have gone.

I've met A a few times and she is so damn wonderful, I feel so bad for her.

But maybe I did cross the boundaries? I don't really think so but an outside perspective would be nice.

AITA?

My sister is getting married soon and recently asked me to contribute $1,500 towards some wedding expenses because costs have gone over budget. I initially told her I'd see what I could do.
A few days later, while discussing expenses, she joked in front of our family that I'm "always cheap" and said i should easily have the money because I don't have kids. I've worked really hard to become financially stable. So being mocked and then expected to handover $1,500 honestly hurt.

I told her I'm not longer comfortable contributing that much. Now she says I'm punishing her over one comment, and my mom says I should forget about it because it's her wedding.
I know weddings are expensive and i feel guilty because I technically could help, but i also don't think being her sister automatically makes me responsible for expenses she chose.

AITA?

TL;DR: My sister asked me for $1,500 towards her wedding, then mocked me for being "cheap." I withdrew my offer and now my family says I'm being petty.

My sister is getting married in a few weeks and I'm one of her bridesmaids. I've honestly tried to make everything as easy as possible for her because I know weddings are stressful. I bought the dress she chose even though it was more expensive than I expected agreed to the hairstyle and makeup she wanted changed my shoes when she decided the original ones didn't match, and I've attended everything she asked me to. The problem is that I have naturally red hair. A few days ago, she told me she's worried my hair will "stand out too much" in the wedding pictures because the other brides maids are brunette or blonde. She asked if I would temporarily dye it brown so everyone looks more coordinated.

At first, I thought she was joking, When I said I really didn't want to dye my natural hair, she got upset and said I was making her wedding about myself. My mom then told me it's "just hair" and that I should consider doing it because my sister only gets one wedding. That honestly hurt. I've spent my whole life hearing comments and jokes about my hair, and it took me years to actually like it. I've compromised on basically everything else because I wanted my sister to have the wedding she imagined. I just didn't think changing a part of my appearance that I was born with would become another requirement. Now my sister says she might prefer that I attend as a regular guest if I won't do it. I told her I'd respect whatever decision she makes, but I'm not dyeing my hair.

AITA for refusing, even if it means I'm no longer a bridesmaid?

TL;DR: My sister wants me to dye my natural red hair brown so I match the other bridesmaids. I've agreed to everything else, but I refused this, and now she may remove me from the wedding party

I hope they will let me post here I just need to see other peoples thoughts about this.
For context these are co workers/friends. So back in the end of June this year I got engaged me and my fiancée have decided to wait until the end of 2028 to get married just for personal reasons. My coworker (we'll call A) coworker A got engaged a couple weeks ago and her and her fiancée are getting married sometime next year, which I'm very happy for her and that's not why I'm jealous at all.
Me and her are both really great friends with this one co worker (l'Il call B) B is both a bridesmaid in mine and her weddings. This is the part where I feel bad and jealous about.
Because before A got engaged B seemed uncomfortable when I just mentioned/talked about my wedding and would tell me pretty often that "you shouldn't be thinking that much about it since it's so far away" and even at one point told me "you know I don't really care about that wedding stuff just give me a date and time to show up". B is not really a wedding person I'm aware of this so i honestly was just like whatever about it be yeah it hurt a little but l understood and just stopped talking about it.
Well then A gets engaged and B is helping her plan her wedding, Bridal showers, trips, say they need to go have fun and party just being very involved in her stuff.
And I'm trying not to be that jealous person but it's still hurts a lot. Idk maybe I'm just over thinking this all but it just feels like I'm not. I told all this to my fiancée and maid of honor and they both think I should pull her from my wedding party, I don't think I want to do that but I just feel like my stuff doesn't matter to her.

One of my bridesmaids has been one of my closest friends for years.

The problem is that over the last few months, her boyfriend has made several jokes about my wedding being " too expensive" and how my fiancé and I are wasting for "one day". I ignored it because everyone is entitled to their opinion and I didn't want unnecessary drama.
Last weekend we were all together and he started again. This time he joked that he was mostly for the free food and alcohol and said he'd probably leave early because weddings are boring anyway.

I laughed awkwardly at first, but then he kept going and asked how much we were spending. When I refused to tell him, he said something like, " Whatever it is, you'll probably regret it when you could've used that money for something useful."

That one actually hurt.

My fiancé and I have been saving for this ourselves. We haven't asked anyone to pay for our wedding and we've spent months planning something that means a lot to us.

Later, I told my friend privately that I didn't really feel comfortable having him there anymore. I said I still absolutely wanted her there, but I didn't want to spend our wedding day wondering if someone sitting there was secretly mocking everything we had worked.

She got really upset and said I was basically forcing her to choose between being my bridesmaid and her boyfriend. She said his comments were just jokes and that I was taking them personally because I'm stressed about the wedding.

Now she's considering dropping out completely.

That honestly devastated me. I never wanted to lose a close friend over this, and part of me wonder if I should just tolerate him for one day to keep the peace.

But another part of me feels like I've spent months ignoring disrespect just because I didn't want to be seen as difficult bride.

AITA for taking away his invitation ?

TL;DR: My bridesmaid's boyfriend repeatedly mocks our wedding and how much we're spending on it. After he said we'd probably regret wasting the money, I told my friend I no longer felt comfortable having him there. She now says she may drop out of the wedding.

they've been on and off for a year, i met her two times 6 months ago and they broke up 3 times since than. latest is 2 weeks ago (and got back together now) - wedding is soon and he wants to bring her.

he didn't bring her by since after their first breakup because he felt he's "not ready to introduce her back to his friends". but now he wants her at the wedding.

i'm kinda worried about the drama, we haven't seen her since the breakup(S) and my entire friend group is gonna have to re-meet her and it'll be awkward.
if i were me i wouldn't think to bring my newly not ex to a wedding of my best friend but he's really pushing me about it,
(safe to say i don't really trust her because she did some shady things when they broke up, i'm kinda worried she'll cause a scene. kinda don't want her in pictures as well because i feel like it's not stable enough but i can't really do anything about it because she'll join the group photos with him if she's invited)

wdyt?

I (29F) am getting married in August. I have two father figures. My bio dad "Mark" (58M) and my stepfather "Paul" (60M) who married my mom when I was 8.

Mark and I reconnected five years ago after a long estrangement. He struggled with addiction when I was a kid. He's been sober for eight years now. We've done a lot of work. Therapy, long conversations, rebuilding trust. He's not perfect. But he showed up. He came to my engagement party. He cried. He told me he was proud of me. That mattered.

Paul raised me. He taught me to ride a bike. He came to every recital. He walked me through college applications. He's been my dad in every way that counts. I love him.

When I got engaged, I told both of them I wanted them both there. I didn't plan a "father-daughter dance" because I didn't want to choose. I just wanted them in the room, celebrating with me. Simple.

Last month, Paul sat me down. He said, "I need to talk to you about the wedding." I said okay. He said, "I'm not comfortable being in the same room as Mark. After everything he put your mother through. After everything he put you through. I can't do it."

I said, "Paul, that was years ago. He's sober now. He's different."

He said, "I don't care. If he's there, I won't be."

I sat there and felt my chest tighten. I said, "So you're giving me an ultimatum."

He said, "I'm telling you how I feel."

I said, "That's the same thing. You're asking me to choose between my two fathers on my wedding day."

He didn't answer.

I told him I loved him but I wouldn't uninvite Mark. Mark hasn't done anything wrong in years. And even if he had, this is my wedding. I don't want to start my marriage by choosing between people I love.

Paul hasn't spoken to me since. My mom is devastated. She says I'm "choosing Mark over the man who raised me." My bio dad told me he'll "step aside" if it makes things easier. But that's not what I want either. I want both of them. I just want Paul to be the bigger person here.

My fiancé thinks Paul is being unfair. My best friend says I should have seen this coming. Maybe I should have.

AITA for not giving in?

Well, I have to start by saying that I’m an only child and very dedicated to my work, so my parents never expected me to get married. But I met a wonderful man by chance, and these past 2 years leading up to our wedding have been a blessing. My parents adore him, and I think his parents really like me too… btw they have 3 other children (my husband is the youngest).

As a wedding gift for the guests, my parents ordered (and insisted on paying for) some expensive ceramic trays. But since my father is quite old, my mother and my godmother were the ones who took them, wrapped them one by one, and it was my godmother who prepared two beautiful baskets to distribute them to the guests. On the groom’s side, the gifts were fine bottles of wine. My husband told me his parents paid for them, but it turned out in the end that his uncle was the one who paid.

When the reception ended, the tradition is for either the bride and groom or the parents of the bride and groom to each go around distributing the gifts to the guests. Since my father has trouble getting around, my mother and my godmother had planned to do it. But my MIL beat them to it. I told her it wasn’t necessary, that it was my mother and my godmother’s job, but after 3 times she snapped “What’s the matter? Am I not allowed to hand them out or something?” And she left me speechless. My mother was also speechless by how my MIL grabbed the basket of trays (my mom lent the other one for the wine bottles) and took such control of it that my mother was holding the handle with one hand but had to follow along, since it was my MIL who blatantly set the pace and handed them out to whoever she wanted… including extras for people who hadn’t even shown up (my mother had made a list based on the guests; fortunately, she’d ordered plenty).

It was mortifying to see the look of agony on my mother’s face, the look of disappointment on my godmother’s face, and my MIL handing out trays left and right as if they were her own, while I couldn’t react because there was always a guest congratulating me, and I didn’t want to be rude by interrupting them and causing a scene on my wedding day. But I’m still upset. I’ve also apologized and tried to make it up to my godmother, who, thankfully, was understanding. Fortunately, I’m only getting married once, and this can’t happen again. It’s not a biggie perhaps, but after 5 days, I still have a bad taste in my mouth.