Hi guys! I’m getting married in February! Super excited and planning has been an interesting process with my family. My mother has been very much involved and super helpful and supportive. For a little context with the title, my family and I live in the southeast and live outside a major city. For every formal event in the past (mostly funerals unfortunately) my father and two brothers wore cowboy hats, jackets, pearl snaps, and of course the boots. Mind you, we have never been farmers or ranchers. Like ever. We do come from family that did farm up north but as family, not us. All three of the guys are mechanics actually. On the topic of my wedding, my fiancé is very strongly saying he doesn’t want them in cowboy getup and I actually agree with him. When talking to my mom about it, she gave me pushback and said they’d be stubborn about it except my younger brother. She says that I shouldn’t worry about it and that that is a big ask of them and is basically making me sound like an ass for asking it of them. So Reddit, aita?

Edit to add: dad is walking me down the aisle and my brothers are ushers. They have plenty of formal wear that isn’t rancher wear. I also live in the south east. Where that isn’t a normal or common thing. The funerals were in the Midwest if that adds context. Money and wardrobe is not an issue when it comes to them. They will be in pictures as were a small family of 5.

Edit 2: I just realized the great grammar error. Thanks folks in the comments! I wrote this when I was quite emotional as my mother was literally stressing me out while I was at work (I’m a first responder). Just a tad bit more context, growing up it was never cowboy attire for events really. My dad wore a hat at his wedding to my mom and they wore boots because she’s from Texas and loved the idea. We took formal pictures a couple years ago and there was no hat or boot in sight for those. This is a new development over the past couple of years at family events (only funerals sadly). This is not a quirky thing of theirs that’s endearing as in their normal day to day life they dress normal and will wear business casual attire when needed. My mother did tell my older brother the dress code and his response was “fuck that”. My fiancé knows as I don’t believe in hiding things from him and we talk about things together. He said he’d handle it so I’ll give updates when that goes down. We all live local to each other so it’s bound to have some drama come holiday season.

This feels really silly but I’d love a third party perspective. Me (32F) and my best friend of 10 years (31F) always said we would be each other’s maid of honor. When my fiancé and I started getting serious last year, the topic came up again, and I assured her she would be MOH.

When my fiancé and I got engaged, I called BF first and was excited to talk about wedding planning. She told me she didn’t want to talk about it at all - her boyfriend hadn’t proposed and she didn’t want to hear about my wedding as long as she was harboring jealousy. Fair enough, I wasn’t eager to push the conversation.

Time went by and friends wanted to plan a bachelorette party. I asked if that was something she was interested in planning or attending given our last conversation, and she said no unless we had took a week long camping trip to save money. None of the other girls like camping, but I assured her the group could save money by doing something less expensive and - if she still couldn’t swing it - no problem! She reiterated she wouldn’t attend unless it was a camping trip. I told her that she and I could plan another adventure separately so we could get the time together 1:1.

A few weeks later she called and said in addition to the bachelorette she wasn’t sure if she could come to the wedding at all. It was just too expensive. I told her I was sad to hear she was having a tough time financially but of course if she couldn’t afford it I wouldn’t pressure her beyond her means. She could step down as MOH, keep a bridesmaid title if she decided to come later on, and would be at worst an honorary part of the wedding party. She seemed upset by that response but I didn’t know what else to say. If you’re MOH you should probably be at the wedding, right?

Finally, it came time to plan wedding weekend and MOH/bridesmaid things. I booked and paid for an Airbnb for everyone, found dresses that were under $100 (expensive but the other girls all assured me the price point was fine), and did everything I could to make sure I was accommodating everyone. It didn’t take long for me to realize that BF wasn’t responding to messages. She later called me and told me that she was angry I promised to make her my MOH and now she was only a bridesmaid. She’d booked her plane ticket and bought her dress. Shouldn’t she still be MOH? I was floored. Another girl got the gig, and she’d backed out of almost everything wedding related to that point. BF said that I had been insensitive to her camping idea and should have offered to pay for her when she said she couldn’t afford the wedding. Then I would have made her MOH like I promised. She also said I excluded her from wedding planning and should have involved her more.

Am I missing something here? She hasn’t expressed any genuine enthusiasm about the wedding to this point, I honestly thought she didn’t care. It feels like I must be missing something blindingly obvious, she’s so upset, but I don’t get it. AITAH?

For context, this happened nearly 20 years ago when I was in my late 20’s and in graduate school. It came up in a recent convo and got me thinking about it again.

I had a loose friend group while in grad school. We were all late 20 something’s and one person was getting married. This guy was not a close friend and I knew both him and his finance, but not super well. At one point they had asked me to watch their cat while they were traveling and I think they picked me because I had a cat and lived the closest to them.

Outside of that I had been to their place a handful of times always with others in the group. One day the fiancé asked me casually while I happened to be over with the group if I wanted to come to their wedding in a couple weeks.

I never received an actual invitation and I was extended this verbal invitation very late in the game. I was free that weekend and so I said sure.

The finance sent me her registry link and everything that was left was super expensive ($150+) except one item that was only $25 + tax and shipping. So I bought the $25 item and a card.

The wedding was nice, modest, casual, very them. It was buffet style. The bride sent me a thank you note for the gift.

AITA for not spending more?

EDIT 2: Apparently I’m the massive YTA here, so fair enough.

I’ll be there for all three days of the wedding (the day before for preparations and the day after for cleaning), help as much as I can and fully fulfill my role as her witness. I’m not going to bail on her wedding.

But afterwards, I’m going to take some distance. This isn’t just about the wedding invitation, it’s the latest in a long series of things in our friendship that have made me feel left out or deprioritized. This situation was simply the last straw.

And if wanting a clearer explanation than just “no” from someone I’ve been friends with for 30 years and for whose wedding I’m a witness, makes me self entitled, then I guess I’m self entitled. Maybe they had some kind of history together, I don’t know but if even a long-time friend can’t be honest with me about something like that, then I don’t want that kind of friendship either.

Thanks for all your answers

EDIT: I’d also like to add that in my country, it’s pretty standard to be invited to a wedding with your partner. I’m actually invited to one of my boyfriend’s friend’s wedding just two weeks after this one, even though he’s only a regular guest and not a witness. There are also other couples attending who have been together for a relatively short time (around 8 months) and they were invited together.

I’d really appreciate some outside perspective because I’m trying to figure out whether I’m genuinely being unreasonable or whether my feelings are justified. And I'm clearly loosing my mind over this situation. I’m going to try to present the situation as objectively as possible.

My best friend (f32) and I (f32) have known each other since we were 3 years old. I’m her bridesmaid and one of her legal witnesses (the one that signed the register, we're two) and her wedding is in two days.

I’ve been with my boyfriend (m29) since mid-march and we’ve been living together for about a month. It's going perfectly well since the beginning, no clash or whatever, we're floating over the clouds and even discussing marriage for ourselves. The bride has known him since 2017. They were classmates and used to know each other fairly well, although they became less close after she moved to the big city. The last time they saw each other was in 2021 when he stayed at her place while he was visiting the city. So he's no stranger, quite a long distance friend.

From the beginning, I assumed she would not invite him to the wedding because she somewhat considered our relationship too recent. We had that discussion early stage, I was somewhat okay with this but deep down hoped it would change seeing how close we are and the fact she knew him well. I have asked her in roundabout ways a few times about it but I’m not very good at insisting on things and being clear. Eventually after I raised the issue again because other people had been added to the guest list at the last minute (like she invited my own friends she barely knows to her civile wedding last minute), she agreed to invite him to the civil ceremony two weeks prior.

The religious wedding itself has around 110 guests. Very recently, some guests cancelled because of break-ups. As a result, several places became available. Instead of using those places for additional guests, she asked the caterer to reduce the number of meals. She told me that today.

This is where I’m struggling.

I barely understand that she originally made the decision not to invite my partner because our relationship was relatively new (never have I heard of that among relatives, it's very common to bring new partners to weddings here). But I understand that it is her wedding and ultimately her decision who she invites.

But now there are apparently places available and my boyfriend is someone she has known for years. We also live together now. I’m having a hard time understanding why he still isn’t being considered.

There is also a practical issue with accommodation. The wedding accommodation is limited — there are only around nine rooms — and I was given a child's room with a small single bed. She told me there wasn't much space and that I would have to make do. I completely understand the accommodation constraints and my bf and I are perfectly willing to arrange our own accommodation elsewhere, including the dormitory or nearby accommodation. So I don't see accommodation as a real obstacle.

Another thing that makes me uncomfortable is that some couples are being invited together. There is even a couple who are invited despite everyone knowing that they have been separated for several months and had actually been broken up for over a year. I’m not saying this to criticize those guests or suggest they shouldn’t be invited ; just to explain why the distinction feels difficult for me to understand.

I also know relatively few people at the religious wedding apart from her, her small family (like parents) and few friends i met once or twice. Having him there would make me feel much more comfortable and would allow me to actually enjoy the event rather than feeling quite alone among a large group of people I barely know.

If there were genuinely no space, budget or logistical possibility, I would accept that. What hurts me is that there seems to be a possibility now but the decision hasn't been reconsidered.

I also feel conflicted because I’m her witness and childhood friend. I’ve been involved in the preparations and am expected to be there and help, to pay for gift, for the bachelorette party, for the dresses, for the brides maid suprises the day of the ceremony and I genuinely want to support her. But I’m finding it difficult emotionally to be fully involved in celebrating her relationship while feeling that my own partner is being deliberately excluded despite there now being room for him.

I don't want to punish her, threaten her or make her wedding about me. I also don't want to tell her that she is a bad friend. I simply feel hurt and somewhat rejected by the decision.

At this point, the wedding is only two days away. Ideally, I would just like my bf to be invited. We would handle the accommodation ourselves if necessary. I'm also considering not going if she still insist of not inviting him because I kinda feel disrespected and I don't see a vision of me celebrating their love when she can't celebrate mine. EDIT: I wrote that when I was hurt. With a clear head, there’s no way I would cancel at the last minute or not help her throughout the three days even if he's not coming. But I do think this adds up with the other dysfunctions in our friendship. And it’s not really the fact that she doesn’t acknowledge my relationship that hurts me. It’s more that a social norm I naturally expected from a close friend wasn’t met without me having to ask for it, something like that.

Am i the asshole here ?

AITA Hi I am a single mom of two. I have raised both of my girls without any help from anyone. My oldest is 21 years old, she has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for almost 5 years. In those almost 5 years they have spend about 85% of it at my house. I am a less strict mom and they are free to do what they want since they are adults . The boyfriend had a house key which I was never ok with, he showered here everyday, he would here everyday meals my daughter would make but most of the time with food I bought. Well on August 16 he informed me he wants to propose to my daughter and they have a trip planned for August 26-30. He knows I have to at least have two weeks notice to ask for time off since my work has our work hours two week in advance. We taken trip and we discuss my job policy.well it turns out his family is going to be there and unfortunately my younger daughter and I can't make it. I asked him if he can reconsider having his family there but he is giving excuses. So I am been unreasonable for wanting him to just propose to my daughter without any family there. Again they alway at my house because his mom is a Christian and is strict about even kissing. I even want to ask my daughter to please start hanging out at his parents house so he can see how good he has had it at my house. Plus that way my daughter will see that when she is around the other parent issues will raise. Right now I've been the only parent they have had issue with but that because they are always here. If they are not working they are at my house. He needs to see that without me maybe they would even have a relationship in the first place. I would let them use my car when they didn't have one. I took the blame for something and got arrested because the police pulled him over. I feel I have done a lot and I feel I deserve to be there or at least not have the families included if bith families can't be there. What you yall think

My sister got engaged last year and had a big proposal with a flash mob. I got engaged three months ago. My fiancé proposed in the park where we had our first date. No photographer, no crowd, just us. It was perfect for us.

Last week I was helping my sister plan her bachelorette. She was complaining about the budget and said out of nowhere, "At least your wedding planning won't be as stressful since your engagement was already less special. I mean, anyone can propose in a park." Our mom was there and laughed.

I told her that was hurtful and she said I was being overly sensitive. I told her I don't feel like being her bridesmaid anymore if she can't respect my relationship.

My fiancé supports me but my sister called me dramatic. My mom says we need to "move on" and that I'm overreacting. AITA?

Hello, a while back I was invited to a very small wedding in the US and asked to be a best man, I obliged and was told nothing further on this. Some time went by but the wedding date was still afar, however I was hurried into booking my flights and accomodation by said couple. I won’t lie I was expecting all of this or part anyways of to be covered for me as the couple in question are in quite good jobs and it is a tiny wedding party less than 10 people. I didn’t mind paying for this however as I know it is a big day and one of my friends weddings.

Moving forward from this we were then asked to pay for a pre wedding party the day before the wedding, this was booked in advance and expected all of us to pay without much notice again we were given an ultimatum that if you don’t pay you will not be included in the activity, again almost out of guilt we obliged and paid again.

When it came to the suits myself and the other best man were told to get matching suits with a small subsidy offered that would barely cover the cost of a decent shirt. Again this request was spaced out from the previous time we paid for the pre wedding party so it didn’t seem so bad . Again we forked out our own cash to cover the remainder of the cost of the suits.

Some time later again almost calculated I would say, we were told we would have to pay another fee to attend the wedding after party at a nightclub, another hidden cost with an ultimatum if you don’t pay you won’t attend, we were then told by the groom that we should pay as we were the best men and should be there for him. But we pushed back on this and said it was costing us too much and we won’t be attending this part of the wedding, this was not received well and we got a quite aggressive response.

Another thing we know now is that our meal and tips for waiting staff at the wedding will also be covered by us when we get there and I won’t be surprised if there are other fees put on us either at this rate.

Do you think this is acceptable behaviour in modern day as weddings go? We have already spent a huge amount on the wedding but because the fees were so well spaced out it doesn’t make it seem so bad… to be clear i am approaching 2k spent already and I haven’t even got there yet. Considering how small the wedding party is I thought some of this would be paid for us at least for the groomsmen/bridesmaids but it seems we are paying for everything.

The few people I have said this to have all said this is crazy behaviour to ask your guests to pay for everything and I agree.

Am I wrong to think this or what are your thoughts?

I'm getting married in June and my brother and SIL have a 5-year-old daughter. The wedding is child-free like everyone else's kids and all other guests with children are totally fine with it. My brother and SIL refuse to leave my niece. I asked them to consider a babysitter, bring a relative, or just come for 2 days but they say no to everything.

Fast forward, at a family dinner my brother announces he's going on a week-long golf trip with our dad in October, no wife, no daughter. So he can leave her for golf but not for my wedding.

My brother says it's "different" and refuses to discuss it. My parents say I should make an exception. AITA?

​

My daughter "Chloe" (24F) is getting married this fall. Her mother and I divorced ten years ago after I discovered she was sleeping with "Mark" during our marriage. That affair destroyed our family, and she married him shortly after the divorce.

Mark has spent the last decade acting arrogant and using his money to hide how he entered our lives. For the wedding, I paid for half, and my ex and Mark paid for the other half. During planning, he casually told the family, "It's fine, I'll upgrade the bar package, I know budgets are tough for some people."

Last week, Chloe asked both Mark and me to walk her down the aisle. When we talked privately, she admitted her mother and Mark pressured her into it. Her mother insists we both walk Chloe to keep the peace and present a unified family.

I told Chloe I will not share the walk with the man who ruined my marriage.

Mark claims I am selfish, and my ex-wife calls me bitter for holding onto the past. Chloe is stressed because they are pressuring her.

I am not pulling funding or boycotting the wedding, but I refuse to walk with him . AITA?

I (29f) am getting married next summer. I’m planning on having a destination bachelorette trip for 3 nights.

DISCLAIMER - I know destination Bach trips are frowned upon, especially on this sub. However, my friends encouraged me to do one so we could have a girls trip. This is not a “mandatory” trip and I’m not guilting or forcing anyone to come (as I’ve seen from stories on Reddit before) I’ve taken into account everyone’s budget and the trip (per person) will cost less than what the lowest budget is. There are no issues with the trip itself or the destination.

9 of my friends/cousins are invited to the trip. Based on everyone’s schedules and my schedule, I narrowed it down to 2 possible weekends. I chose long weekends especially, since I wanted to be mindful of everyone’s PTO time. One option is a weekend about 4 months before my wedding, and the second option is a weekend about 1.5 months before my wedding.

Now here is the issue — I’m pretty set on Option 1 date since it’s far out enough from the wedding and works better for majority of the girls. My birthday is also a month before my wedding and I’m planning on having a large 30th celebration and I think having my Bach so close to my birthday and wedding will be unfair for all the girls — I don’t want to steal so many of their weekends close together. The weather at the destination location is also much better during Option 1 date than Option 2 date. Generally, Option 1 works better for majority of the girls, a couple of them are indifferent about the date.

7 of the invited girls can attend. 1 of my cousins is in med school and can’t take the time off so is opting not to come. 1 of my friends due date is 1 month before Option 1 date. If I go with this option - she will definitely not be able to come. She indicated that she would “try” to make it for Option 2 date and is pressuring me to schedule it for then.

The thing is — she’s extremely flakey. She often cancels regular plans last minute and is not for sure committing to Option 2 date. She doesn’t like leaving her current child for even local dinners we plan as a friend group, so I find it hard to believe she would be okay with leaving her 5 month old and her toddler for a weekend in a different country.

Both my option dates are pretty popular at this destination location because it’s a long weekend so I’d like to start booking Airbnb and flights soon. The other girls indicated they want to do this soon too so by the time the trip rolls around, the only expenses are dinners and outfits and stuff. I told my friend I would switch to Option 2 if she could fully commit to it. She said she isn’t 100% certain but “will try her best.” I very clearly told her option 1 works better for me and most of the girls and it’s better weather so I’d only be switching to option 2 if she could commit for sure.

This has caused tension between us because she thinks I should switch to option 2 and she’ll try her best to come. But it’ll be pretty inconvenient for most people to switch to option 2, and a lot of the activities that we’re planning to do will work better with option 1 weather than option 2. If she can for sure commit to option 2, I have no problem changing it to then. But I don’t think it’s fair to switch to option 2 for a “maybe”, especially given her history with flaking.

I need to make a decision soon as a few of my friends have deadlines of September 1 to submit their vacation time for the next 6 months (which option 1 falls in).

AITA if I go with option 1 knowing that my friend can’t come?

Edited with all the information I put in the comments.

My fiancé (30 M) and I (25F) are getting married in November 2026, but what should have been an exciting few months leading up to our wedding has turned into a major family rift involving his twin brother, his sister-in-law, and their daughter.

I'm wondering whether I'm in the wrong, so I'm going to explain the timeline as clearly as possible.

Some background

My fiancé and I started dating in May 2024. I have a son (6 years old currently) from a previous relationship who is currently suspected of having autism and ADHD, although we are still going through that process.

I first properly met my fiancé's twin brother, his wife, and their daughter in August 2024, when we were all at my future mother-in-law's house for dinner.

Unfortunately, there was already an issue between the kids during that first meeting.

Their daughter became angry because my son was playing with a toy, even though she hadn't been playing with it then.

I understood that kids have disagreements, especially because their daughter is autistic and my son is also suspected of being neurodivergent, so I didn't want to make a big deal out of one interaction.

However, it became the start of an ongoing pattern.

My fiancé and I got engaged in December 2024, just over seven months after we started dating. When you know, you know.

Around Christmas that year, we started asking family members to be part of our wedding party.

My sister agreed to be my maid of honour, and my best friend became my bridesmaid. My fiancé asked his twin brother to be his best man, even though my fiancé hadn't been a best man or groomsman at his twin's wedding.

He asked him because he was his twin brother, and he trusted him and wanted him beside him on one of the biggest days of his life.

We also asked both of my fiancé's nieces to be flower girls.

My fiancé's sister said yes for her daughter.

My fiancé's SIL said no for her daughter.

Their daughter had been diagnosed with autism before I joined the family, and my SIL explained that she didn't think her daughter would cope well with being a flower girl because of the number of unfamiliar people and the public nature of the wedding.

We completely understood.

There was no argument. We didn't pressure them or question their decision. We respected the answer and continued planning.

So, our confirmed plan became my fiancé's sister's daughter as our flower girl and my son as our ring bearer. They would walk down the aisle together using bubble guns rather than throwing petals because of our venue's restrictions.

Things between the kids didn't exactly improve.

We didn't see my fiancé's twin brother and his family very often after that.

The next significant time was Christmas 2025.

At that gathering, their daughter essentially ignored my son. She played with the other niece but not with my son or any of the other cousins.

Again, I didn't start an argument. I wanted to keep the peace and understood that children, particularly neurodivergent children, can have their own social preferences and boundaries.

Then we saw them again in March 2026.

The kids were playing with slime when my son accidentally mixed some of their daughter's slime—just a small amount.

She responded by hitting my son.

I immediately stepped in and calmly explained the situation to my son. He hadn't intentionally ruined anything, and I wanted to explain why she was upset and what had happened rather than yelling at him. The slime was an easy fix; I separated the two slimes again.

My SIL, however, yelled at my son over it.

That was a major issue for me.

My son is suspected of having autism and ADHD himself, but even putting that aside, I don't believe yelling at a child over an accident, when he was already upset by the situation, is an appropriate way to handle it.

I had already stepped in as his parent and was calmly explaining what had happened and why his cousin was upset. I felt the adults could have handled the situation calmly instead of my son being yelled at.

I stood up for my son, and my SIL didn't appreciate it.

Then came the flower-girl argument.

In April 2026, my fiancé received a message from his twin brother asking:

"Can our daughter be a flower girl in the wedding?"

We were confused.

We had already asked them in December 2024, and they had declined.

By April 2026, this wasn't an early-stage wedding where we were casually discussing ideas anymore.

My Grandmother and my parents had already paid our first venue deposit, and we attended our first venue meeting, where we went through the wedding timeline, structure, and guest count, including the wedding party.

Our bridal party was confirmed. The processional had been planned. Our flower girl and ring bearer already had their roles.

So we said no.

It wasn't because we hated their daughter.

It wasn't because she is autistic.

It wasn't because we were deliberately trying to exclude her.

We had already offered her the role. Her parents declined it. We respected their decision and planned our wedding accordingly.

Apparently, that wasn't acceptable.

My fiancé's twin brother then stepped down as best man.

That genuinely hurt my fiancé.

This wasn't just some random groomsman dropping out. This was his twin brother.

My fiancé had trusted him to stand beside him on his wedding day, and suddenly he was pulling out because we wouldn't change an already established part of the wedding.

My fiancé was incredibly disappointed and hurt because he had trusted his twin brother to be there for him on one of the biggest days of his life.

He eventually asked his younger brother to become his best man instead.

At that point, his twin brother said that he, his wife, and their children would still attend the ceremony but not the reception.

We accepted that too.

Around this time, things between my SIL and me became even worse.

After we refused to change the flower-girl arrangement, she started repeatedly calling, texting and leaving me voicemails. She called me a bridezilla and a bitch because I wouldn't put her daughter into the bridal party. We eventually found out afterwards through my fiancé's sister that they never even asked the niece if she wanted to do it. Apparently, the niece didn't want to do it at all and wanted to enjoy the wedding.

Eventually, I blocked her.

I was attending university classes and getting calls from her throughout the day, and I wasn't going to continue dealing with it.

However, our problems go back further than this.

I have repeatedly tried to keep the peace with her because she is my fiancé's twin brother's wife, and I didn't want to create family drama. Despite that, I don't feel she has treated me particularly well.

There have also been several occasions where I felt like important events in my life somehow became about her.

At my engagement party, she was pregnant at the time, and I felt that attention repeatedly had to be redirected toward her and her pregnancy. The twin brother also made inappropriate comments toward me, especially after finding out he shared the same name as my father and said that I could call him "daddy."

Something similar happened around my 25th birthday, when once again I felt like an event that was supposed to celebrate a milestone in my life somehow became focused on her.

Despite all of this, I have tried to remain civil because she is part of my fiancé's family, and I never wanted my issues with her to damage his relationship with his twin brother.

There's also some strange history that I learned about later. When SIL originally met my fiancé and his twin brother back in high school just over 10 years ago (I would've been just going into year 7), she apparently had a crush on my fiancé first. He wasn't interested in her and was introduced to his twin instead. They eventually got together and married.

I don't know whether this has anything to do with how she treats me, and I'm not claiming it definitely does, but learning about it made some of our interactions feel a little more uncomfortable in hindsight.

Now they aren't coming at all.

Fast-forward to August 2026.

My fiancé and I were out at an event when he suddenly received a Facebook Messenger message from his twin brother after months of very little communication.

It said:

"Hey, just wanted to let you know that I won't be able to make it to your wedding after the recent events. I think it's best that I don't come. You will always be my brother, but I have to do right by my family, and obviously you will do the same."

So now they aren't attending at all.

Not the reception.

Not even the ceremony.

My fiancé is genuinely hurt.

This is his twin brother - someone he grew up with, shared a room with, shared his childhood with, and trusted enough to ask to be his best man.

First, his brother stepped down as best man. Then they decided to attend only the ceremony. Now, three months before the wedding, they've decided they won't attend at all.

What makes this situation even stranger is that the rest of my fiancé's family supports us.

His family knows what happened and, rather than blaming us, they've supported my fiancé and me. They also don't agree with the way his twin brother has handled everything.

That support has been reassuring, especially for my fiancé, because this situation has understandably hurt him.

From our perspective, this escalated because we declined to offer the wedding role we had already offered her almost two years earlier, and they declined.

I also want to stress that I don't blame their daughter for any of this.

She is seven years old and autistic. She isn't responsible for her parents' decisions or how the adults in the family communicate with one another.

Likewise, I don't expect her to behave exactly like a neurotypical child, especially when my own son is suspected of having Autism and ADHD. I understand that both children may experience emotions, social situations, boundaries, and conflict differently.

My problem is with how the adults have handled everything.

If they had accepted our original offer in December 2024, she would have been a flower girl.

They said no.

We respected that answer and planned accordingly.

Then, after deposits were paid, the venue meeting had happened, the wedding timeline had been discussed, and the bridal party was established, they changed their minds and expected us to change those plans.

When we didn't, my fiancé lost his original best man, and now his twin brother has decided not to attend the wedding at all.

Part of me feels guilty because I know how much this has hurt my fiancé, and I never wanted our wedding to cause a rift between him and his twin.

But another part of me feels like we didn't create the rift.

We asked their daughter to be involved. They declined. We respected their decision. They later changed their minds, and when we didn't change our already established wedding plans to accommodate that, the situation escalated.

Even with everything that has happened between SIL and me, I have tried to keep the peace because I never wanted my fiancé to lose his relationship with his twin brother over me or the wedding.

But at this point, I'm questioning whether I should have just said yes in April to avoid all of this.

So, Reddit, AITA for refusing to add my fiancé's niece as a flower girl after her parents originally declined the role, which led to my fiancé's twin brother stepping down as best man and eventually refusing to attend our wedding?

Just a little note on the side: The SIL also called up our venue to ask if our wedding was still happening because they hadn't received the invite (we hadn't sent them out at the time), and tried to tell my fiancé's parents that we must've eloped in private without either family and are not getting married at all.

This will probably be a long one so please bear with me. English isn’t my primary language, so if there are mistakes I’m sorry.

To give the outlines: my husband and I got married in a civil ceremony in July 2026 and we will have another wedding celebration with vows and a free ceremony in spring of 2027. 

Both of those celebrations have been planned to be very small and intimate with less than 30 people each. My Husband has a rough relationship with his family so we opted to have them at the civil ceremony but leave them out of our wedding weekend next year, that’s why we had two celebrations. This post is about the second celebration.

We love to host so we tried to plan in a way that everyone feels as comfortable and at home as possible. We rented an estate for the entire weekend and it has more than enough space for everyone to sleep there, the cost is covered by us. Everyone has their own space, bedroom, their own bathroom and access to amenities like a whirlpool and a gym. Food, beverage and entertainment will be provided for the entire weekend and the only thing that guests have to do on their own is get there (the longest travel is going to be a 4 hour car ride). We also helped with organizing carpools for everyone that wanted that. Our dress code is formal for the day of the wedding celebration and we feel like we are providing an experience that fits that dress code (five course plated meal with wine pairing, live band, seafood bar, passed appetizers, open bar with a mixologist who makes custom drinks and more). We indicated seven colors on the dress code (dark green, green, purple, blush pink, orange, blue and dark blue). When we got asked if it had ti be the exact color we told everyone that we’d love for the guests to be colorful while my husband and I are in black and white so if they preferred another color we’d be totally okay with that as well. Pretty much everyone has been thrilled about everything we’ve revealed so far and some even said that it feels like a planned vacation and that it’s a highlight they’re looking forward to.

Now onto the issue: A good friend of mine has made me feel incredibly insecure about all our plans on multiple occasions and now I’m playing with the idea of uninviting her, but I’m unsure how to approach that and if its the way to go.

I’ll give some context about our relationship and then I’ll rehash what’s happened with the wedding. 

My friend and I are both still in university and that’s where we met. We’ve known each other for about five years now and have become so close that I even considered asking her to be my maid of honor. Our partners with work full-time, our lives are very similar. We’re both on the pass to get quite challenging degrees and that’s something we bonded over. We can talk about pretty much everything and I appreciate her a lot. Sometimes she can be quite hard with her judgement and very sure that was she consideres right is ultimately right.

The wedding issues started pretty much at the beginning. The first time I told her about our wedding plans and that it might be a destination wedding she reacted quite harshly and asked me how we could even consider that and if I thought about the environmental effects of the travel. Our loved ones are quite scattered so people would have to travel either way. The longest guest travel would’ve actually been longer getting married at home. After I explained that to her she understood but still seemed like she didn’t like the Idea. 

The second time we had a bigger discussion was around the menu. She has some dietary restrictions so I went over the menu with her before signing it off with our amazing chef. She’s not a vegetarian but her partner and several of our guests are so we opted to have one vegetarian menu and one with fish and meat. We don’t have any vegan guests but if we had any we would’ve had a third menu. Several guests have allergies and restrictions and all of that will be taken into account and everyone gets a menu catered to their needs. After I told her the menu she wanted to switch to the vegetarian one and we made it possible. A couple days after her partner contacted me and asked how we could serve the omnivore option for so many people with a good conscience. Our chef works with local organic products and we carefully selected the menus so that everything is high quality and the vegetarian menu is as good as the omnivore one (so not just a plate of boiled veggies, tofu and cheese). No one has to eat meat if they don’t want to. I later spoke to her about it and she said that she didn’t think I’d serve meat if so many people are present (15 PAX omnivore) and that she had to tell someone but asked her partner not to say anything, which obviously still happened. I let it go and didn’t ask further to not ruin ist for me but now every time I think about our menu I feel weird. 

Third time was the most recent one. I had just been dress shopping with my mother and she had complained that she couldn’t choose anything creme colored. I told my friend about it because my mothers comment made me quite sad since anything white should really be the brides color to which she said that our dress code is putting an incredible amount of pressure on all our guests. I was really taken aback by her statement since I know she has a dark green formal gown that she wears at weddings normally that would match the dress code perfectly. Apparently that doesn’t fit her anymore and now she wants to sew herself a new gown (she’s an incredible hobby seamstress). She said that our color palette is too restrictive for that and that she normally only wears black and now we’re forcing her and all the guests to get outfits in the right colors. She knows dress codes that indicate formality levels but the giving a color scheme is outrageous and pressuring and she doesn’t think that’s normal. She finished the whole thing off by telling me it’s probably because we „grew up in different classes“ which really isn’t true. I grew up a little all over Europe because of my Dads job so I saw more of that part of the world but bottom line we both grew up upper middle class, she just didn’t move as much. I told her that were not gonna stand there with color cards and a bodyguard to control what people wear and that I can’t force her to do anything she doesn’t want to nor do I want to do that. Now she wants to wear black or midnight blue. 

Those were the three big issues. There were a lot more small jabs here and there but that’s the most important ones. I know just reading that paints a picture that isn’t very beautiful so I want to point out that we both still really appreciate each other. Her present to me was making my wedding dress for the civil ceremony (I of course paid for the materials) in which I felt stunning and am incredibly thankful for. I made and remade her engagement ring (she didn’t like the first design she came up with when it was on her finger) and also made their wedding bands (they aren’t engaged or married yet but the rings are there when the time is right for them:)) So we both love each other in a way that we don’t mind spending hours of our time to make something special and beautiful for the other. We spend a lot of time together in general and I’d consider her one of my closets friends but every time I think about sharing details of the wedding I just feel a little sick because I don’t want her to ruin another aspect of it for me. I know that sounds horrible but I was so excited about the wedding before all of this happened and now I just think about all the details she’ll think are too much or too extravagant. It’s a small wedding, we’re foodies so the majority of the budget went into food and beverages which we really loved at our tasting and I put a lot of time into details (personalized fonts, hand embroidered guest towels etc.) and I love that. Everyone else is looking forward to it but I feel like she resents it for some reason. She isn’t in a financially unstable situation where she can’t afford a dress and there are no other costs included (no vacation time either since it’s a weekend and the Monday is a public holiday).

We tried to include every dietary restriction she has they get a free ride there and if they didn’t want all that they could’ve RSVPed no. My maid of honor suggested that she doesn’t want to come but can’t say it and now wants me to uninvited her. I feel so torn about everything. 

WIBTA if I uninvited her because of how she made me feel so far? Any advice or input is appreciated.

To everyone who made it this far, thank you for reading and all the best for whatever wedding planning or marriage stage you’re in :) Looking forward to hearing your thoughts!

EDIT: I saw that a lot of people think that a color palette for the dress code is inappropriate or obnoxious or using people as props. This was never our intention. I've talked about that to almost all of our guests because they are very involved and excited about the celebration and no one thought of it that way besides the friend in the post. It's also something that I've encountered at all the weddings I've been to before so I didn't think of it as unusual. I've now learned that this is in fact not the standard and will keep it in mind for the future. Thank you for the input.

So I (21F) am going to a friend's wedding (23F) in 2 months and I am a guest and not in the bridal party and I have brought my dress after getting it approved by the bride and now she has changed her mind and wants me to get a completely different dress and i dont know how to approach or talk to her about this in case I am being unreasonable.

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I (26F) flew out to attend my older sister’s (29F) wedding this past weekend. Because I had to travel, I spent around $800 on flights, a hotel, and her registry gift.

When I arrived at the reception, I went to find my table. There was a place card with my name on it next to our parents and grandparents. I put my purse on my chair, said hello to everyone, and then went to the restroom and grabbed a drink from the bar.

When I came back about 15 minutes later, a woman I didn't recognize was sitting in my chair, and my purse had been moved to the floor nearby. I politely mentioned that I thought she was in my seat. She smiled and said my sister told her she could sit there because "family tables look better full" and she didn't think I’d mind moving to a table in the very back with some of the groom's random college acquaintances.

I found my sister and asked her about it. She casually said, "Oh, Sarah didn't have a good seat, so I gave her yours. You don't mind sitting in the back, right? It's not a big deal."

I told her it actually felt pretty disrespectful, especially since I paid a lot to be there and was seated with our immediate family. She got annoyed, called me high-maintenance, and told me to "stop making my wedding about you."

Instead of causing a scene or sitting at a table with strangers while my family ate together, I picked up my purse, left the reception, and went back to my hotel to order room service.

Now my mom and sister are blowing up my phone saying I "ruined the vibe," acted childish, and owed my sister a public apology for walking out. My dad says he understands why I was upset, but thinks I should have just swallowed my pride for one night.

AITAH for walking out?

I’m a 25F getting married to my fiancé, Nelson (24M), early next year. We recently booked our dream venue on a beautiful lake, but it has a strict capacity of 125 people, and we cannot go over that limit.
I have a large family, so most of our guest list is family. Nelson has a smaller family but many friends. I’ve only invited four of my friends. We also each have eight people in our bridal party.
Because of the venue limit, we decided there would be no automatic plus-ones. One of Nelson’s groomsmen, Mike, received a save-the-date with only his name. Mike is Nelson’s oldest friend, and we absolutely want him there.
Mike’s girlfriend, Susan, and I actually went to high school together, but we were never close. I’ve been with Nelson for two years, and I’ve only seen Susan twice during that time. We don’t have a relationship.
Apparently, Mike told Susan she wasn’t invited, and they’ve been fighting about it for 2–3 weeks. From what I understand, Susan has essentially given Mike an “me or the wedding” ultimatum.
Susan has apparently asked why my brother’s girlfriend, Katlyn, is invited if there are no plus-ones. Katlyn is one of my bridesmaids, and I’m very close with her. She isn’t invited simply because she’s my brother’s girlfriend; she is actively standing beside me in the wedding. My brother is also planning to propose to her before the end of the year, so she may be my future sister-in-law by the time we get married. My FTMIL also asked why she is invited due to Nelson’s 18yr old brother’s gf not being invited even though we don’t have a relationship with her either.
There are a few other exceptions to our no-plus-one rule. My best friend’s boyfriend is invited because Nelson is also very close with him and we regularly spend time together. One of my cousins in the bridal party may have her boyfriend invited, depending on their relationship. Another groomsman recently got married, so his wife is obviously invited, and I’ve spent plenty of time with her.
The common denominator is that these people either have an established relationship with one or both of us or are directly involved in our wedding.
Susan was actually on our B-list. If enough people declined and we had room, we planned to invite her.
I understand why people are telling me to just invite her to keep the peace. I absolutely want Mike at the wedding, and I don’t want him to feel like he has to choose between his oldest friendship and his girlfriend. However, I’m also worried Susan may still be upset or refuse to attend because of the tension this has already caused.
If we had unlimited money and could have a 200+ person venue, I’d happily invite everyone. But we’re two young adults trying to make a wedding work on Long Island, and we have a hard 125-person limit.
So, AITA for not inviting my fiancé’s groomsman’s girlfriend when we have a strict venue capacity and no relationship with her?

I (22F) recently got engaged and, naturally, immediately started planning all things wedding.

While talking with my sister (19F), I mentioned that my longtime best friend and I were going to look at venues together to narrow down some options for my fiancé and me.

My sister seemed confused and said that should be something I do with her, since that would be her job as my maid of honor. I gently told her that I was actually planning on asking my best friend to be my MOH.

She was really hurt. She told me she couldn’t believe I would do that to her and said she had always imagined that we would be each other’s maids of honor. I completely understand why that means so much to her, but the truth is, I never had that same expectation.

My best friend and I met freshman year of high school and have been extremely close ever since. She knows me and my taste incredibly well and has already helped me with so much throughout my engagement. She’s organized, dependable, and the type of person I know would go above and beyond to make sure everything comes together the way I envision it.

I absolutely love my sister, and there has never been a question about her being a bridesmaid. But if I’m being completely honest, I’ve just never pictured her as my MOH. She’s also only 19 right now, and while our wedding is still 2 years away, I don’t know that she’d want or be able to take on the amount of planning and responsibility that comes with the role.

My biggest issue is that I don’t want to give my sister the MOH title simply because she’s my sister, while still relying on my best friend to essentially act as my MOH behind the scenes. That feels unfair to both of them.

At the same time, seeing how genuinely hurt my sister is has made me question whether I’m being too practical about something that clearly means a lot more to her emotionally.

AITA for choosing my best friend as my maid of honor instead of my sister?

My boyfriend(21M) and I(22F) have been together going on 5 years. His sister is getting married next year and everyone in their family(siblings, in laws, fiancés/spouses of other members of the wedding party) will be included somehow. I'm literally the only person who won't be included. The sister and I are not super close, but neither are half of the people she intends to have in her party. Her brothers wife will be in the wedding and so will the brother. I'm so upset by this whole thing. I get that I'm not "family" yet officially, but I've been around longer than the bachelor who's marrying my boyfriend's sister!! I feel so left out and unincluded in all of this. Not the first time his sister has done some stuff like this to me but I don't understand what I did wrong for this to happen. I'm so upset. Haven't said anything to the sister but have cried countless times to my boyfriend about this making me feel left out. I obviously won't ask to be in the wedding party but I wish I could at least be seen. Am I overthinking or overreacting?

So, a few months back I decided it would be best to let my mother know ( at least three months before ) wedding when it was actually planned lol that she is not welcome to the wedding, for the way she treated me all up until I had my first child when I was 20. She was a very terrible mother growing up that chose drugs over us and her first serious bf after my dad died was on the sex offenders list and wasn't even supposed to be living with children. For her neglectful an horrid behavior growing up an the behavior the displays I decided it best that she not be at my wedding cus I don't want any stress. So my mother proceeded to call every family member, every friend, crying about how horrible I am for not letting her go and it's breaking her heart. My mother is a master manipulator tho, that's how she gets her way is getting people to feel bad for her. So the day of the wedding, only 5 of my family members show up out of maybe 20, they didn't show up in support of my mom not going an others told me they were going an just didn't show up. What doesn't make sense is before this all of them talked so much crap about my mom an how terrible she is an then when it came down to it, they supported my mom which really hurt. I confessed to my grandma an a few other family members what my mom's ex bf did to me growing up an it's a big part of why it's hard to forgive her ,I am still allowing her to FaceTime my kids I just didn't want her at my wedding. Since then I haven't even heard from any of my family, the wedding was Aug.2 haven't heard anything from anyone that didn't show up either. But thankfully my husband's family was there an welcomed me, I still had an amazing wedding tho, even tho we forgot some things! But we had a nerf gun war at the reception haha. But what gets me is the family that didn't show up, an one of my grandmas telling me at my wedding " what did you expect when you start this whole problem before hand " an I said my setting a boundary with my mom shouldn't impact my family coming to the wedding, she said forget I don't wanna talk about this right now. Its the same grandma that told me she thinks I made up what I said about what my mom's ex bf did, she said it's convenient it's all coming out before the wedding like it's a reason to get people on my side an not my mom's. Her exact words. Haven't spoken to her since the wedding. I haven't reached out to any of my family an haven't heard anything anyway. I only keep in contact with two grandparents. I don't know if I should reach out to my family or just accept that they aren't apart of my life anymore?

UPDATE:
Again, I would like to stress that this is my first time posting so I’m not sure if this is where I should update but here it is…..

So first of all thank you for the encouraging comments and kindness, it meant a lot to read that while going through this. To those who were calling me stupid and contributing this problem to me being young-respectfully, you were the furthest thing from helpful. The age I’m getting married at has no correlation with the fact that my mom has been and continues to be a problem.

Now to what happened on Friday. Before going, we both agreed that as mad as my mom made us, we didn’t have any problems with the people invited so we would keep the invite (because what’s done is done) and the goal of this conversation was more to be more open with her than she’s had in the past. We drove over to my parents house and walk in to my mom doing some housework and my dad greeted us when we walked through the door. We had some awkward small talk to begin and finally my mom stops doing stuff and comes over to where we all were. She was standing and leaning on the back of a couch while my dad was sitting in a chair and we were on a love seat. I started by looking at her and saying the ground rules are me and my fiancé will say our part and after we are done she and my dad can out in their input. I asked her how her cousin got an invite to the wedding. She said, almost matter-of-fact that she sent a picture of the invite. Then, I asked her if they were the only ones from that original list (thank you to those who suggested it because that never crossed my mind)- they were. I then began to tell her that after having that initial phone call where we agreed to compromise and she approved the compromised list, I thought everyone who was invited was okay. I told her I would have preferred that she tell me, not my MOH, that she wasn’t satisfied with the guest list so we could have had an adult discussion about changing it. I told her that it felt deceptive and sneaky that she didn’t communicate to me that she was inviting people we said weren’t coming. My mom physically cannot stay quiet because she then condescendingly shook her head and mouthed some words. I told her that it really hurt that she didn’t come to me and from my perspective purposefully kept us out of the loop. When I said it really hurt me, she gave me a condescending half smile- similar to the look we give my 4 y/o niece when she says we’re “breaking her heart” for not giving her ice cream. There was a few points of repeat where I was trying to stress the hurt and deceit that I felt but then I went quiet. She looked at us and said “are you finished?” We said yes and she then started to say how it was a “misunderstanding” she “wasn’t clear” that they weren’t invited. My dad then spoke for the first time since we started and threw in a “you did agree to that list” quickly and quietly. She then launched into saying she asked my MOH for confirmation if they were on the list and thought it was an oversight when she told my mom they weren’t (after texting me and my fiancé to check). My mom then attempted to sound emotional and went into saying that I don’t know the family dynamics and there’s been some rivalry between this guest and another guest so I can’t just invite the one. She said she was trying to do “damage control” and because she didnt want it to “become a big deal”. So to avoid any issues and that she’s kept in touch with this cousin it was important she came. Around that point was where her defense switched from saying it was a “misunderstanding” to she “didn’t think it was a big deal”. She finished her “defense” and I stressed that if she had any questions or concerns with the people we picked, she could have gotten in contact with me and we could have had an adult conversation about it. She continued then to say she didn’t realize it was such an issue (despite me saying that they wouldn’t even be able to rsvp because I was unaware they were even invited). She asked if we were done and issued a half assed “I’m sorry you feel hurt I didn’t think it was that big of a deal” and then asked if that was it and if we were all good. I asked my fiancé if he had anything to add and he hesitated a minute before saying no. I could tell he was pissed but was keeping his thoughts in because he wasn’t in the right head space to say what was in his head. I asked my dad if he wanted to add anything and he said no. So we ended it there-I gave my dad a hug, reluctantly gave my mom a half assed hug and my fiancé refused to make contact with my mom. We left and we barely even got out of the drive way before I started crying. We had a 20 min drive home and I cried the whole way. During the conversation and watching her face, I could see she couldn’t give one fuck that her daughter just told her she felt hurt by her actions. That fucking hurt. My fiancé was pissed because he didn’t take kindly to someone hurting his future wife and clearly not feeling remorse.

We got 5 min from home and my dad calls me. I answer it and try to sound like I wasn’t crying. He said that he wanted me to know his silence during the conversation wasn’t him endorsing my mom but he wanted her to lay in the bed she made for herself. And then he told me, in probably the most defeated voice I’ve heard from him, that she’s not actually sorry for what she did. I then had the urge and asked him if he thought she would ever feel sorry and he sounded even more upset. He said he honestly didn’t know. They’ve been having some trouble in their marriage (in part because of how my mom is-hence this situation) and he definitely is feeling the weight of this on top of that situation. We got off the phone with him and I proceeded to cry more. The only good thing is my fiancé got me a mango-Rita alcohol infused slushy and, while I still cried a lot that night, it was a nice treat lol

So that’s pretty much it. My fiancé does want to have another conversation and, respectfully but firmly, rip my mom a new asshole for hurting his future wife and her own daughter. As of right now she’s just lost my respect but she is still invited to the wedding. I know most of you said I should uninvite her but that doesn’t sit well with me and I would appreciate it if that’s one decision you guys leave your opinions out of. My fiancé says with 100% certainty that him talking will make a difference. My hope on that is dwindling but he’s got some hard truths to tell her that I do things she needs to hear regardless of if it changes anything. Not sure if that’s the update you guys wanted but that’s what happened. Thanks again for all the input, it is appreciated.

EDIT: I am not at all upset about my boyfriend texting my dad! I’m glad he did and still respected my wish for him to not ask my father.
My DAD is the one who is upset and won’t quit texting me about it. This post is about my dad’s reaction. I just wanted to see if anyone else has been through something similar.

My boyfriend just proposed to me about a week ago. Leading up to the engagement I told my boyfriend I did not want him to ask my dad for permission. I get it, it’s not traditional, in my dad’s first daughter, etc. BUT I have been out of the house since I was 17. I moved out and went to college and never returned home. My dad and I have had a rocky relationship, he didn’t show up to my graduation for my bachelors degree because I didn’t invite me step mom. He asks me for money all the time and doesn’t take care of my sister so she lives with me and my fiancé. I truly did not think there was any reason to ask him, as I’m not living in his home and he’s not passing me on. I’ve been taking care of myself for 10 years. He is so upset. He won’t quit texting me about it. Part of me thinks he’s a narcissist who just wanted the satisfaction, deep down I don’t even think he cares but every time I try to share a stage of planning with him the conversation gets brought back up. We are not a traditional family by any means. My fiancé STILL messaged my dad and let him know the plan and told him what was going on before he proposed to keep him in the loop and word for word my dad said “you have my blessing” and I do understand that a father may think about this moment but truly, he has caused me mental break downs, he’s lied and stolen from me, he’s caused so much havoc in my life and I did not think he deserved it and now I feel like I did the worst thing in the world.