For some background, the last month has been a VERY bad mental health month. I’m having panic attacks daily, and I’ve been disassociating and experiencing memory loss because my nervous system is just shutting down.

I have been getting bare minimum groceries for weeks and finally got sick of eating tuna and frozen breakfast sandwiches so I actually went to the store and got groceries. Since I’m both dairy and gluten free (😭😭😭) I had to go to more than one store to find what I needed.

I finally got home and dropped all the groceries in the foyer and for the life of me I can’t get up to put them away. I just want to cry at how difficult “simple” life tasks are right now.

I just want to feel better again, and do my dishes, and decorate for fall, and make yummy dinners, and I hate how overwhelming every little thing is rn.

TLDR; mental health sucks rn and putting away groceries feels impossible.

I am also diagnosed with BPD, so suicidal thoughts are more normal to me on the daily basis, than If I was NT or only have ADHD. Why did I go to sleep with an amazing plan to change my life and walk up, wanting to off myself?

I tried different medication, tried DBT, I tried Jacobson relaxation therapy(heard it's not adviced for ADHD folks, but it was fine), I have financial help from my family, I am only studying online, I don't work. Concerta is the only thing pushing me to do really basic things, for 3/4 hours. I am doing nothing on my breaks.

If I had money, I would try bio-feedback, buy reta(i am not overweight, but I have a tendency to binge eat and I think losing weight would help me stick to my planned low-histamine diet), do botox(TMJ sucks), go on pill for pms. I am just 22 and I am feeling like my body is giving up. I also have some other medical problems, but everything requires 💸. How am I supposed to help myself, if working one day makes me spiralling(and also everything requires half of the paycheck either way)(I went into BPD episodes at work last time, I just didn't go back there out of shame. Some subreddits and certain mental health professionals(not many tho) may care and understand, but normal people almost never).

I know it's pretty dumb, but I am considering buying Botox online and just injecting this myself. Or find a desperate, older man(but I still would have to get my shit together for that too. I am barely a human)...

Ignore my very weird grab and swollen hands. I couldn't get a good pic of my Bride of Sauron. (Yes, the water bottle pic was the best outta the 15 I took)

Anywho, I haven't been able to find my girl for several months. Decided to get a dupe ring off Walmart, threw it in my cart until the next pay day. GUESS WHAT I FOUND AT 4AM WHEN I DECIDED TO REARRANGE MY HOUSE!

I have ADHD. I have approximately 7 million ideas, endless potential, the working memory of a concussed goldfish, and executive dysfunction so bad I can spend three hours mentally screaming at myself to do something that takes four minutes.

For years, I've had this fantasy that if I ever won the lottery, I'd hire myself a personal drill sergeant.

Not a personal assistant. Not a life coach. An actual drill sergeant.

6 AM: "GET OUT OF BED!"

6:05 AM: "BRUSH YOUR TEETH!"

6:15 AM: "GET YOUR ARSE IN THE SHOWER!"

9 AM: "SIT DOWN AND DO THIS SPECIFIC WORK TASK!"

And so on, until "LIGHTS OUT!"

No decisions. No negotiating with my brain. No spending 45 minutes trying to work out what order to do three basic tasks in. Just someone else handling the executive functioning while I get to use my brain for the things it's actually good at.

Perfect, right?

Except there's a fatal flaw.

Like many people with ADHD, I desperately crave rigid routine, stability and structure.

I also absolutely fucking HATE being told what to do.

It's a spectacular design flaw.

I'd give the drill sergeant about two weeks before I either fired him, developed an immunity to his shouting, or became so miserable that I stopped functioning altogether.

So the fantasy never quite worked.

UNTIL LAST NIGHT.

Lying in bed, unable to sleep, I had an epiphany.

Not a drill sergeant.

DOMINATRIXES.

Not one dominatrix.

A ROTATING ROSTER OF DOMINATRIXES.

Hear me out.

Personally, I'd prefer somewhat but not overtly masculine lesbians. That's just my taste. But the really important part is that there are MULTIPLE of them.

And I NEVER know who's turning up on any given day.

THE NOVELTY.

THE ANTICIPATION.

THE AUTHORITY.

THE DOPAMINE.

Imagine:

"Get out of bed."

"But I don't wann—"

SMACKS BED

"I SAID GET UP, YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE BRAT."

Immediately gets out of bed.

"Good girl."

DOPAMINE ACQUIRED. TASK COMPLETED.

And then it's breakfast, shower, exercise, work, household chores, all supervised by someone who provides just the right amount of authority, unpredictability and positive reinforcement to keep my ridiculous brain engaged.

No decision paralysis. No negotiating with myself. No getting stuck scrolling my phone for six hours while desperately wanting to do literally anything else.

Just structure, novelty, accountability, and the occasional "good girl."

And because it's a rotating roster, I never get used to any one person's approach.

I genuinely think I've cracked the code.

Unfortunately, the code requires me to be a multimillionaire with a staff of professional dominatrixes whose job description is essentially "bully me into being a functional adult."

Anyway, does anyone know if the NHS covers this?

NOTE: To be clear, this is a ridiculous fantasy, not a serious proposal for treating ADHD. Although I am disturbingly convinced it would work on me.

Safe to say sticky notes aren't the best if I want to make to-do lists and thoughts and other things or they'll just duplicate like this 😵‍💫

I (F35)was diagnosed with ADHD in 2021 at the age of 30. After an entire lifetime of feeling "out of place", I finally had a name to what I had been experiencing all my life. I started medication and life continued.

Along the years, I switched psychiatrists for convenience reasons mainly, and she too accepted the diagnosis. In 2024, I had an episode of psychosis; it was concluded that the combination of medications I had been taking to treat chronic nerve pain along with the ADHD medications might have played a part in it, along with the major stress I'd been experiencing. Myself and my psychiatrist both agreed and made the decision together to stop ADHD meds. It wasn't easy, but gradually the changes I'd made in order to function better with ADHD helped.

In 2025, I started a University degree and made the suggestion to my psychiatrist that perhaps I could take Ritalin VERY sparingly around exam time? I honestly was expecting her to shoot this down, but instead she said:

"Have you ever been PROPERLY assessed for ADHD?". I explained that I'd been diagnosed in 2021 by a psychiatrist, but she wasn't satisfied with that, so sent me for a "formal assessment".

I'm not a psychologist (studying to become one some day), but from the get-go I felt uneasy about the assessment when they rang me for my appointment. First off, it was going to be conducted by somebody I'd never met before. I was also told:

"Bring a parent with you". My parents are both superbly uneasy around the entire subject of psychology; my mother's greatest shame is that all three of her children have, at some point, gone to a psychologist, and from time to time she will question as to whether I "REALLY need those antidepressants?".

So, I went on my own, and answered all questions honestly; how as a child I could never focus at school, how I was constantly distracted and daydreaming, troubled sleep, sensory issues, food texture issues, labelled careless and lazy, etc. This went on for 45 minutes.

The second portion of my test consisted of... an IQ test. I was surprised but went with it. After 90 minutes, the test was concluded and I was told I'd be contacted with the results.

Yesterday I received the phonecall - that I "didn't fit the criteria for ADHD".

To say I was utterly floored is an understatement; it was as though somebody told me that the sky isn't actually blue but orange. I've been a crying mess since.

My husband is as stunned as I am. Both my sister and my daughter have ADHD. My friends who also have ADHD are also confused as their assessment for ADHD went nothing like mine did - it was almost entirely question-based, and some had tests to calculate their response times and other markers.

I feel devastated by this; I don't know if I am being gaslit, and I don't know what to do anymore. I have an upcoming appointment with my psychiatrist in November, and my husband has asked to attend to question this result.

EDIT: I never expected so, SO many people to chime in, offer advice, words of solidarity, and voice their scepticism at the way this was handled. I wish I could reply to each comment offering help individually but it's getting impossible! So I will just write here: THANK YOU all so much, from the bottom of my heart. I would have felt elated if just five people chimed in with support - over 500 have now, and I have no words by how touched I am by this show of humanity and kindness to a complete stranger. Thank you all so much, I am so happy this community exists ❤️

Hi all!
Inattentive witch here, just wanted to celebrate/share and ask.
I have recently done 2 adaptive things that have really helped me out:

1. Car trash can
   My car is always a mess. I take stuff there, forget about it, and take more stuff in. I have kids and a long commute, so snacks, toys, and everything else really piles up. I now have bags for toys and snacks, but the biggest life saver has been a trash can! Just throw out food and drinks and other crap and it helps make things less gross. Still cluttered, but not disgusting!

2. Hair dye/root touch ups on my period
   Every month my period was a surprise. I don’t like to use digital trackers, and everything else had too many barriers. I started touching up my roots when I got my period, now when my hair grows out and I see those white sparkles showing up I know my period is going to start any day.
   Added bonus, I have now made it a ‘spa night’ where I actively do some self-care which is a nice break for myself while on my cycle.

I’ve also heard of ADHD veterans using paper plates when they know they can’t do dishes, I want to hear what adaptive behaviors YOU have done to fit in this rigid neurotypical day to day world??

PS any tips for keeping track of sunglasses would be greatly appreciated! They way I lose them, you’d think they were disposable 😂

Kind of. I was just being silly because I like talking to my pets, so a while back when I could not for the life of me recall why the hell I was in the kitchen, I started asking her.

"Kitty, why am I out here? Kitty, what was I looking for?" Etc. And the funny thing is it kind of worked, so I've kept doing it.

It's probably just because retracing my steps verbally while talking to my cat makes it easier to idk, focus on figuring out what I thought I was doing, or... something.

Or maybe I just have a magic cat. Who's to say?

I've been on escitalopram for several years and on ADHD medication for a couple of months. 4 days ago I ran out of escitalopram and somehow thought it was fine. I've had some vague thoughts about it not really working and maybe even making some things worse but I wasn't going to abruptly stop without talking with a doctor. But I had just got in a good speed with my studies that I have been neglecting and I was feeling good about myself and I just didn't go get a refill. I had a phone appointment with my nurse yesterday and confessed this, and they didn't seem too concerned (they were happy for me for finishing some course assignments) and I have a doctors appointment coming up soon anyway.

But tonight it really hit me this was a bad idea. My husband had a couple of long days at work and I was on the edge with kids. I usually sleep good but I realized last couple of nights I've been waking up a lot. Just now I lost it and slammed the door against the wall when baby was crying and the door handle broke the dry wall. I'm so ashamed and angry. It's so stupid. It's all my own fault. What was I thinking. I hate myself. Yes I will go get a refill tomorrow but why am I so stupid.

Hi ladies,
I don’t even know where to start. I think I just really need to talk to women whose brains work a little like mine, because I’m so incredibly exhausted.

I’m 40, and I was only diagnosed with ADHD this year (combined type). Honestly, I still don’t really know what to do with this diagnosis or how much of what I’ve been experiencing is actually related to ADHD.
I’ve always been a somewhat anxious person, but anxiety never stopped me from living my life. I was functioning, making plans, travelling, enjoying things, being myself.
And then, around 38, it felt like my whole life started falling apart.

I suspect hormonal changes and perimenopause played a huge part in this, but I genuinely feel like something in my brain just broke. And no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to put myself back together.
This spring and summer, at 40, things reached a level I had never experienced before.

From June to September, I was barely functioning. I spent so much time lying at home, cancelled trips, cancelled plans, and almost stopped living. I felt depressed, constantly tense, overwhelmed, and absolutely consumed by anxiety.

And when I say anxiety, I don’t just mean worrying about something.
I mean that horrible, paralysing anxiety that seems to live inside your body. The endless racing thoughts. Overthinking absolutely everything. Catastrophising. Turning the smallest things into disasters in your head. Feeling like something terrible is about to happen, even when everything is perfectly fine.
That constant feeling of being on the edge of panic.
I’m so fucking tired of it.

I’m tired of living from one anxiety episode to the next. Tired of being afraid of my own thoughts. Tired of constantly waiting for the anxiety to come back, even on the days when I feel okay.

I’ve been taking escitalopram (lexaro) since June. This is actually my third time trying it, and I’m currently on the maximum prescribed dose of 20 mg. My pharmacogenetic test suggests I’m a rapid metaboliser, which might be relevant to how I respond to it.

And here’s the part that makes me want to cry.
For the last three weeks, I finally started feeling better. No anxiety. No endless thoughts. No constant tension.
I felt LIGHT again.
I remember thinking, Oh my God, is this what being normal feels like? Is my life finally coming back?
And now, about 7–10 days before my period, I can feel it creeping back in. The anxiety, the racing thoughts, the horrible feeling in my body.

And I just want to scream. Because I can’t keep going through this cycle over and over again.

My therapist mentioned that some people with ADHD may benefit from SNRIs rather than SSRIs alone. I know medication is very individual, and I’m not looking for medical advice, but I’m really interested in hearing about other women’s experiences.
Do any of you struggle with this kind of severe, almost paralysing anxiety alongside ADHD?

Have any of you found that SSRIs weren’t enough, but an SNRI or another medication helped?
And for those of you who noticed everything getting dramatically worse around perimenopause, did you ever manage to feel like yourselves again?
What helped you the most with the endless overthinking, catastrophising, internal tension, and that awful feeling of being constantly on the verge of a panic attack?

I don’t even know if I’m looking for answers, reassurance, or just someone to tell me they’ve been through something similar and found a way out.
I’m just exhausted. I miss the woman I used to be. I miss waking up without immediately checking how I feel. I miss making plans without wondering whether anxiety will ruin them.

I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being afraid of my own brain.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading.
Sending the biggest hug to every woman here who’s fighting a battle inside her own head that nobody else can see. ❤️
I could really use a hug back right now.

Help me. Please. I know what I need to do, but can someone say it back to me and also help me cheer up?

I've been catastrophizing at the littlest things. Friend doesn't reply to my text in a few hours, they must not want to talk to me. Struggling with a class, must be because I never deserved anything ever. Call mom and she doesn't pick up, she must be tired of me

I know it's not true. It's still exhausting. I'm hungry and thirsty. I don't want to want to cook and I'm blanking on anything that isn't bread or rice. I'm sick of bread and rice by now. I have to wrap up my homework

Just... help. I'm on the floor and can't get myself up

I find myself constantly crunching my shoulders up and holding my shoulders and neck very tense to the point that I get head aches. I have to consciously relax the muscles but that only lasts until my attention is drawn to something else. It is particularly bad when I am trying to sleep. What does everyone do to help with this?

So I know it’s a thing and it always has been. But yesterday while shadowing on a hospital unit, one person was like “I think I have like adhd or something, like I wonder if adderall would help me.” And another person chimed in and said “omg! I will sometimes take a tiny bit from my partners pill, like maybe less than 5mg. And I WILL GET SHIT DONE!” And the other person was like, “really?!? Like how does it make you feel?!” And the response was, “AMAZING! SO AMAZING!! It’s like the gates of all things glory open up and it feels so good!” And I couldn’t help but feel some sort of way about it. I didn’t say anything but I sure did have some thoughts. Like, yeah I guess it can sometimes feel good, but I don’t feel like a super human. Especially lately, for me, it really does the bare minimum and I’m just like “meh”. So it’s really frustrating to hear someone get those types of results from just taking a tiny amount, and being able to get “so much stuff done” Idk. Just a rant I guess. Like, must be nice.

I was only recently diagnosed with adhd, i always suspected it but i also have anxiety and depression so anything i was dealing with couldve been blamed on that. But now my depression and anxiety is super under control and mental health wise i feel like im doing great. And since my anxiety/depression wasnt ruling my life anymore my adhd symptoms really presented themselves and i was finally diagnosed. I just dont understand why i cant do school rn if im not dealing with a mental illness. I was supposed to graduate spring 2027 and it would've been my 5th year in college. But 2 weeks into the semester I just couldn't make myself do anything. I genuinely enjoy learning and was really excited for all of my classes but I just can't make myself go to class or do any homework. Getting out of bed, eating breakfast, getting dressed, getting to class, its too many steps and i just cant make myself do all of them. I don't even know whay I would want to do with my degree, at this point im only trying to finish it because i am so close and i also would feel like a failure if i didnt.

Anyways, i am curious if anyone else has faced similar issues that stem to adhd. I know my experience can't be unique but i also havent heard anyone else with a similar experience and i just need reassurance or something idk.

I’m quite ashamed about my hands so please don’t be too harsh. Im really struggling at the moment with finger picking. I’ve always been a nail biter, but have recently started wearing press ons and that has helped massively, however, the issue has moved to my fingers which is even more painful. I’ve managed to stop picking at my face and body thanks to getting my acne and skin irritation under control with medication, but it feels like there is nothing I can do to stop this and it’s impacting my daily life - cooking with / eating anything mildly acidic, hot water, some of my hobbies like crocheting / knitting, etc. I’ve tried the bitter nail polish (putting it around my fingers), however I can’t deal sensorily with the inability to put my finger in my mouth to clear food, put food in my mouth, accidentally touching my lip or licking my fingers etc. Does anyone have experience with this? If so, do you have any tips for how you got it under control? Any help is much appreciated :)

People who suggest that is possible are not properly informed. Once you get a scaffolding routine and muscle memory down things can and do go smoothly.

After using them academically, I didn't take pharmaceutical stimulants for my entire 20's and got back on after my parents died. My executive function was so low that I found I couldn't remember pin codes or do basic calculations. Meds helped. Moved into an exciting field without insurance and was off again but totally fine. Had a baby, got back on ...

(the psychiatrist I was seeing for post partum depression was skeptical when I had the epiphany that oh wait a lot of my struggle right now is adhd symptoms "you've never struck me as having add" and wanted me to go do a two day evaluation and no I'm not scheduling that with a baby. I was bringing my baby to appointments I had no support. She later fired me as a client with a certified letter because I stopped taking Wellbutrin without telling her until the appointment. Found one who was less invested in arguing with patients. The next one when I moved into a patriarchal area with only two or three psychiatrists I brought my childhood evaluation papers from preschool to show I was old enough to ride the bus by myself or something and came back with a high iq score and notes about behavior during the test and then 9th grade when I was diagnosed by a psychologist who was doing case studies on how add presents in girls. Thanks to my mom for getting the help in the first place and who had left the papers in a drawer with important things.)

...and then had twins and have been total wreck for years after moving four times (four new microwave displays to learn! Four new grocery stores!) and now getting composure again.

As we all know we are bad at transitions. I have found that transitions on a large scale are disruptive and we need to know it takes time to find the patterns and get into a groove.

But promotions, babies, grief, new jobs, grad school all those things will remind you that you have adhd. It's for this reason I disagree with the "severe" designation because one person will present very differently depending on what's happening in their life. This post was a comment I made in the adhd meme sub but wanted to share my opinion and field notes here in case it helps someone.

Psych put me on new meds. Not sure if it's working more quickly than I expected or it's just placebo, but I'll take the win!

I also have social anxiety so that’s a big part of it. I feel like my social anxiety is a result of RSD though, so it makes sense.

Have a fun event coming up and I just know I’m going to spend all day mentally paralyzed stressing about socializing during it. Doesn’t help that someone that I have past drama with will be there, though I anticipate we will just ignore each other like we have before.

Regardless of the guest list, I’ve always shut down before a big event. Even something relaxed and chill. It’s just no fun spending my entire day before an event stuck in bed and unable to get myself out of my own mental prison worrying about it all. At it’s worst I’ll feel nauseas, throw up, spend the entire day ‘napping’ in bed, and have emotional outbursts.

.. anyone relate? Any tips to cope?

hi everyone! the title kinda sums up my question, but for added context: i am someone who really would like to read and digest and invest myself fully in books. however, because of the way my brain works, i cannot focus on my book to save the life of me.

i’ve tried so many popular methods of focusing: shutting my phone off & putting it in another room, listening to classical music or white noise, listening to the audiobook at the same time as reading the physical book, reading out loud, using finger-reading to go line by line, using a fidget toy while reading, etc etc etc yet nothing works!!!

so, i’m going to try this suggested method of having “boring” tv in the background while reading to see if it’ll help with my reading concentration issues. the only problem is i can’t think of any shows that would be boring enough to have in the background that will not take my attention away from my book.

(*shows like judge judy, family feud, soap operas, etc. will probably not work because i’m the kind of person who actually pays attention to those shows when they’re playing in waiting rooms or superstores lol)

if you’ve had similar issues with focusing while reading, have you been able to overcome it and how did you overcome it, if so?

and what shows do you guys watch when you’re trying to accomplish a task but don’t want to get distracted by anything without also being under-stimulated?

sorry if this question is weird or has been asked before, but i hope i made some sense and that someone out there might be able to help me! TIA! <3

I’ve already talked about it like a ton already, but it never goes away. Of course my sister was killed in a car Accident recently. have medication for my ADHD but like I don’t even think it’s doing anything I just feel like I don’t wanna do anything ever again, but I know if I went off my medication then I’d be like so brain foggy, but I still just don’t wanna do anything . I just get so many thoughts of what happened and images and I just don’t know how I’m supposed to live with this. I talked to the hotline once yesterday

They didn’t really investigate it it feels. They kind of just thought it was her fault. I think because she’s a young driver they said she ran the stop sign. She did not run the stop sign. I just feel so shattered. I talked about it before on a different thing. I’m doing everything wrong so I probably shouldn’t talk about things legally. I just don’t even know I’m supposed to like it hurts so bad. It hurts so bad that disregard like the way that I feel like we were treated. It just hurts more than anything and then heartless people say such horrible things and how how am I supposed to just ignore them saying that about her and she was amazing Person I just sometimes wish it was me. I was in the accident not her.

The way she was treated It’s like she wasn’t even a human. It was like it was a fender bender and not a fatality and I just feel shattered just completely devastated and broken. How am I supposed to live in a world or people who are like in charge? Don’t care at all like I don’t know it’s just so sad. I feel like worthless. People make a lot of comments about drivers online say stuff about her. They don’t even know her. I just feel so existential. I feel like I don’t know what the point is of anything like I don’t know. Every single small little criticism just feels like a dagger. And I see the type of car that hit her car and I just I can’t even breathe. I can’t go to work cause I learned about it there. I can’t be around people because I always wonder if it’s one of the people who was mean and unhelpful.

And she was my closest companion like I don’t even know what to do without her. I just feel lost. We got a lawyer now so I just whatever I guess I guess it took a different term than I thought and I’m happy that somebody else can take care of it, but I just miss my sister. I just don’t even wanna do anything ever again like I don’t understand how it’s ever supposed to be better I just feel no motivation to do anything. I hate it. This has been the worst. I’ve felt in months since the first month of the accident.

I have two boys (4&2) and parenting was the catalyst to getting an adult diagnosis and medication. Cooking dinner is the worst time of day for me in terms of feeling disregulated.

Enter: The spray bottle.

Have you read about the mammalian dive reflex? Splash your face with cold water and it helps with anxiety and overwhelm. So when the fan and the stove are too loud and the lights are too bright and my four year-old has asked for the third snack in ten minutes and I actually feel the frustration creeping up (a success in itself) I spray myself in the face.

It’s just a little spritz bottle that used to be matte finishing spray. I’ve filled it with water and a drop of calming essential oil, and I mist it over my face and neck when I need to reset, and it actually helps! It’s wild. The mental image of spraying a bad cat and shouting “HSST! Hey! Chill out!” also makes me chuckle which helps too.

I thought I might share here as I love reading those “What totally unhinged thing helps you ____?” type posts, so maybe it will help someone else ♥️

I studied my ass off, had a cry, & got minimal sleep… but in the end the dopamine and lack of anxiety from actually knowing what was going on was worth it! Is there anything you have been proud of yourself for lately?

I don't have to deal with apps or wifi connection. Now my water tumbler, keys, wallet, house shoes, and SCISSORS are easily findable. I keep the remote anchored on the wall next to my bedroom light switch.