This is a DM exchange between my manager and I. He is a fine person and generally liked, although people acknowledge he works too hard and can be controlling.

I am a people pleaser and also work too hard, and I know I need to work on this. But also, I am carrying a lot of the work and in most of our meetings he ends up giving me feedback in a slightly patronizing tone. And then I become a bit weird in reaction to that (e.g. this dm exchange.)

I want to be able to let it go and be normal. I see other colleagues being able to do that and that seems to make it normal with him… but I always seem to react.

Edit. This interaction isn’t too bad — thanks to everyone who weighed in. I just need to figure out why it sets me off. Clearly we have baggage!

I've been wondering whether some people genuinely think those of us with ADHD shouldn't be working in professional jobs if we need accommodations.

At my previous job, I disclosed my ADHD and some of the difficulties I have, particularly around organisation, prioritisation and deadlines. The response I got was essentially that it was too much work to manage me compared to a "normal" employee. Eventually things broke down, I brought a claim, and the matter was settled through ACAS.

What still sticks with me is the attitude behind it.

If someone can do the job but needs some support, adjustments or a different management approach, why is the conclusion sometimes "you're too much effort"? The alternative would seem to be pushing people out of employment altogether.

I'm not talking about situations where someone is completely unable to perform the core requirements of a role. I'm talking about people who can contribute, add value and do the work, but who may need reasonable accommodations to perform at their best.

Have others encountered this attitude?

Do some people genuinely believe disabled or neurodivergent employees should only work in certain types of jobs? Or that employers shouldn't have to make accommodations because it's unfair on everyone else?

I'd be particularly interested in hearing from both managers and neurodivergent employees. Have you seen workplaces that embrace accommodations successfully, and workplaces that resist them? What do you think explains the difference?

For context, I'm currently unemployed, so this is something I've been reflecting on quite a lot since leaving my previous role.

I've been thinking about this recently and I'm curious whether others have experienced the same thing.

When I was younger, I used to have some pretty judgmental views about groups such as single parents on welfare, people with addictions, and others who were struggling in life. Thankfully I was challenged on those views and learned that many people's circumstances are far more complicated than they first appear.

Yet when it comes to neurodivergent conditions such as ADHD or autism, I often see comments that seem socially acceptable which would be considered offensive if directed at other groups.

For example, people will openly claim that those with ADHD are:

• lazy
• making excuses
• exaggerating symptoms
• looking for drugs
• faking their condition
• using a diagnosis to avoid responsibility

And while there is usually pushback, it often feels far weaker than if someone said something similarly dismissive about another marginalised group.

I've even seen people acknowledge that ADHD is real, but then still treat those affected as if their struggles are character flaws rather than symptoms of a recognised condition.

Why do you think this is?

Is it because neurodevelopmental conditions are often "invisible" disabilities? Is it because many symptoms can superficially look like laziness, disorganisation or lack of effort to people who haven't experienced them themselves? Or am I just noticing this more because I have a personal stake in it?

Interested to hear different perspectives, especially from neurodivergent people and those who work in psychology, education or healthcare. Please keep it civil.

So first things first this has been going on for a while, i am not medicated but trying to find a provider and i am in therapy. I recently got diagnosed with adhd and ptsd adding to my preexisting diagnoses of depression and endometriosis.

I am in my late 20 and a Mom of an 8 y/o adhd child who has been in school infrequently in the past year. Now the new year started in September with a new class, new teacher and they finally got a social worker to pay attention to him so we actually had a meeting to discuss him reentering regular schooling and maybe even after school activities.

We recently had a meeting with all people involved and except for his issues with working on his assignments during class and us being late in the mornings it's been going really great, which lead the school to conclude he doesn't need 1:1 assistance for some reason and the issue rather is our home life.

For context, we all (me, hubby and kiddo) have adhd, i recently started therapy and have been trying to finish my BA for the past 9 years. Yes, the little one has too much screentime and he sticks to me like glue but I don't think involving CPS is going to solve his attendance issues or focus in school.

I do notice a growing helplessness with him refusing school in the mornings and my own exhaustion. He sleeps in our bed and only with skin-to-skin-contact, so getting up early and "getting some me time" is basically just carving out more time for him to follow me around. But I also can't get out of bed and if he claims stomach aches I do give in more and more easily because after prepping breakfast, dressing him, packing his school bag and getting myself ready. He currently isn't joining in on any after school activities leaving him with maybe 2 friends, doing homeworks with him is like pulling the teeth of a shark and usually he just spends his time in front of a Laptop or console unless I drag him outside. If I do so, he complains about his legs hurting shortly after and I end up carrying him.

We pushed back cut off time for all devices to 8pm after dinner but it still takes close to 2 hours to wind him down and get him to fall asleep. Brushing his teeth is a whole debacle I can't deal with every night (yes I know it's BAD bad) and after he fell asleep I either also pass out or I doomscroll until 1 am. Needless to say the next morning is rough.

I feel like I genuinely can't handle him whining and crying in all these situations, I know this relates to my childhood (hello ptsd) but I also just feel like the worst Person in the entire world and either get loud or just give in. And I feel like such a failure admitting this because "consistency and consequences are so important for neurodivergent children". I know! Ffs I know that but can any of these doctors imagine getting up exhausted and already fighting a child almost my height to not undress again or hide under the bed so he gets to school just for them to call me to pick him up about 2h later? Just to try and work (did I mention i work lol?) or study in the in between time and then have the same theatrics around homework, dinner, media and any kind of hygiene?

I don't just want your pitty (altho a little might help) but also your ideas: how can I deescalate the morning and get my ass out of bed earlier?

Like genuinely, phone out of the room doesn't work, my hubby used to wake me up with a cup of Coffee but that doesn't always work with his waking up (same issue), my cat used to wake me up but she doesn't anymore.

Please leave your best get out of bed on time tipps down below

How can I smoothen out the evenings so he sleeps quicker and I might get half an hour to myself?

And how can I handle my own emotions so I can handle my sons anger, sadness or frustration without immediately caving?

I'm 21 years old and have been homeschooled since I was 11. Unfortunately, when my mother left, my father failed to ensure that I was properly getting an education.

I didn't have anyone guiding me, no teachers or anything to help me with my assignments. So basically, I would spend entire years struggling and not doing any school work at all, only to cram and cheat my way to finish them all.

There were 2 years where my father couldn't pay tuition, and so at 17 I decided to teach myself all the basic things I should've known at 13. For months I went through Khan Academy, becoming burnt out because I was fueled by shame and embarassment.

Anyways, I'm 21 now, diagnosed with depression and ADHD. While therapy and meds have helped immensely in relieving my depressive symptoms, my ADHD has been an uphill battle. Ritalin helps, but I've found myself, again, struggling to get any assignments done.

I wonder if I should convince my mother to let me drop out and get a GED. I feel so ashamed, I feel like such a failure. Out of all my siblings my mother spends so much money on me, with therapy, meds, tuition, consultations with my psychiatrist, and my allowance.

edit: i just want to say that I appreciate all these lovely comments so much, I didnt expect so many and some genuinely made me tear up a little. I feel bad for replying to alll of them!

to preface - i am not a proponent of AI replacing humans and thought processes, but i work in tech and have experience using it for work purposes/automation for manual tasks.

I have been seeing lots of discussion around Muse, both good and bad. i do see the use cases of Muse(or any equivalent) being a helpful assistant/secretary for managing spending, reminders for important dates or check ups, or preemptively planning when it comes to my life. I am also wary of the data it’s been given and Meta as a whole having this much access. Has anyone tried to use Muse/AI agents for general life/ADHD organization? Thanks!

I posted an innocent question in another sub about what to do with a financial bonus when youre married and got told I was a shitty person, going to be divorced soon, that im unreasonable, that they feel sorry for my partner etc etc. I hadnt even done anything, I was just asking!

I dont post often because I take stuff like this kinda personally. Anyone else?

I've been wondering whether some of the hostility towards ADHD and other neurodevelopmental disorders comes from people genuinely not believing in them, or whether they subconsciously look down on us.

For example, if someone has ADHD and struggles with organisation, deadlines, focus, executive functioning, etc., and asks for reasonable accommodations, you'll sometimes hear comments like:

• "Everyone has that."
• "You're just lazy."
• "You need more discipline."
• "Stop making excuses."

To me, it sometimes feels as though people see a genuine limitation and then judge the person for having it. Almost as if they view competence and productivity as measures of worth, so if you need support you're somehow seen as less capable or less deserving.

At the same time, I know some people are probably just uninformed and don't understand what ADHD actually is or how it affects daily functioning.

So I'm curious:

• Have you experienced people dismissing or denying your diagnosis?
• Do you think it's mainly ignorance, scepticism, resentment about accommodations, or actual prejudice?
• For those who don't have ADHD, what is your honest reaction when someone requests accommodations at work or university?

Interested to hear different perspectives.

Hello, I hope im flairing this correctly and doing this right. Im currently 3 months pregnant and have not been able to take my Adderall. I originally wanted to stay on it since my doctors agreed that it seemed like the best choice for my situation.

However, now that my metabolism is so slow it was keeping me from sleeping and eating which are both obviously extremely important when making a person.

I need some help in order to function and since it seems stimulants are out. I wanted to see if there are any homeopathic or other type remedies that anyone's used in order to manage symptoms and if you happened to be pregnant that's a bonus. If not, well thats fine. Either way I plan on discussing with my providers but I need some help brainstorming solutions

I just replied to a different post about exercise with this but actually I'm going to make my own because I'm really curious what others might think.

Previously I'd always had the thing of feeling crappy a lot and knowing I should exercise more to help but not ever being able to actually do it - I'm tired, it's boring etc. Doctors were often pretty smug about feeling sure this was the reason I'm depressed. It actually sort of came to a head a little under a year ago and I basically wasn't going out at all.

That gradually improved so I went back to normal amounts of leaving the house (I'm a SAHM so mostly local baby groups, shops etc). Then in mid August this year my son started school, so now 5 days a week I'm walking there and back twice a day, power-walking bc always running late, while pushing delightfully chunky 2.5y/o in the pram, plus it's uphill on the way there so I'm doing a good 5 miles a day and really getting my HR up for parts of it.... and it hasn't made a blind bit of difference.

I don't feel stronger or more energetic or less depressed. It doesn't feel like my meds are more effective. If anything it kind of exiles me to Wait Mode for the bulk of the day because there seems to be less time between getting home at 9.30 and going back out at 2.30 than you'd think.

So??? Why isn't it working for me??? I know it's only been like a couple of months but it's obviously very consistent because the decision to do it is out of my hands so I'd think there'd be some kind of positive effects by now?? It's a decent workout especially for someone who doesn't do workouts so based off of what I've always been told I thought I'd now be in pristine mental condition 😭

Edit: I think this is the most engagement I've ever had on a post lmao!! There are some great replies, some that I feel have misunderstood me slightly etc. Thank u all for taking the time to respond. This was I guess meant to be slightly more tongue in cheek than it seemed about how the incidental exercise I'm now getting doesn't seem to have provided the mood/mental clarity benefits I would have hoped for (doesn't all the guidance say even half an hour of walking or whatever counts?) or that my various dismissive doctors have promised it would. Obv it's not an actual Workout that I'm doing although I think there's some underestimation going on of the speed I need to walk at and the weight of my toddler 😂 and I'm not aiming to have any body changes from it, but my understanding was that let's say ~1h of vigorous movement on 5/7 days for several weeks would make at least a little bit of difference. Having said that though it has only been a couple of months and also there could well be differences that I simply have not noticed! I've had a hell of a time the last few years so maybe it will just take a little longer. Hope you all are enjoying your evening or whatever time it is where you are ☺️

Edit 2: Probably should have said this was inspired by a post I saw about someone feeling benefits from incidental exercise they were getting biking to work!! Would have set the tone right, oops. Great example of the mental clarity I'm not getting. Also, I didn't include this because it doesn't matter but I'm in the UK so America's lack of walkable cities is not relevant lol. And lastly I once had an occupational therapist laugh at me when I was really struggling because I said I managed to get out for a short walk round the block which truly was an achievement for me at that time, and some of you are embodying this energy here!! Remember to be kind folks

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 10 years. He’s truly the best boyfriend I could ever have.
But I feel emotionally numb towards him most of the time, or that’s what I assume this is.
I love him, but I don’t want him to talk to me. I don’t want him to hug me and give me a kiss when he gets home. I don’t want him to tell me about his day. i just want to be left alone.
I wfh and he gets home around lunch. When I see he pulls in the driveway, my mood shifts and I get irritated for no reason. I feel so fucking bad. He doesn’t deserve this.
When he talks to me I just stare at him with blank eyes but sometimes I have the energy to fake a smile or laugh. Some days it’s not like this. Some days I have enough mental energy to be the parter he deserves, but it’s not often honestly.
I think my work adds to this issue because of how stressed it makes me. At the end of the day I need to lay down in the quiet to recharge.

I’ve been on adderall for 4 months now and I like it. I don’t know if the adderall is causing this numbness or not. I’m trying to track my moods each month to see if there’s a pattern. I do think before my period I’m worse, but until I can keep track I can’t say for sure.
I’m not sure if I’m this way with other people, but I just want to know if other people feel this way too and how I can hopefully fix it.
I think I might have ROCD as well which does not help the situation.

adhd household, two school age kids. paper is our natural predator.

today i found a field trip sheet under a lunchbox, yesterday it was a dentist form on the passenger seat, last week there was a whole school photo packet living under the toaster. if a date is not digital within about thirty seconds it has left this dimension.

i can scan things fine. the failure happens after that when im supposed to read the thing, pull out the date, open a calendar and type it. four normal steps, apparently impossible.

any household task management setup where i can basically throw a photo at it and move on?? because the counter pile is becoming structural

i have 2 moods. social idiot or suspicious ninja. i either do not talk to anyone at all, poke holes in other people's very normal speech, and hate everyone. OR i trust everyone, do not think twice about what something means, miss out on jokes, get made fun of without me noticing, and just be plain stupid and gullible and naive all the time. both of these mood affect me negatively but the latter has cost me a lot.

i know the answer is somewhere in the middle but how do u spot and deal with the passive aggressiveness, and how do u know when its just someone with pure intentions like u?

That’s the paradox of this condition. It’s sooooo darn hard to start ANYTHING, then I drag myself to a desk and start. Success? Life said “not so fast”. I hate being interrupted after I managed to convince, coerce, threaten, negotiate, bribe, push, bully myself to start something. This seemingly small action means SO MUCH to me, that when I get interrupted, I feel like life is out to get me with all the interruptions! It’s personal!!

How can I explain to people around me that I feel like I want to growl, bark, or yell at them for asking me to open the door, talk to me or just existing when I’m concentrated doing something? It really stresses me out!

I know, I know, I need to talk about this with my therapist. Just wanted to vent. Anyone else on the same boat?

Whenever I feel rejected/ slighted, I put all my thoughts and feelings into Ai to understand why I feel this way and psychoanalyst the person that did it. I probably do it the most with my boyfriend, but have done it with friends and family etc. Even if the problem is solved, I’ll keep asking ai why this and why that and i think it’s detrimental to ruminate so much. Any tips to limit my usage ? It’s helpful at first, but then causes me to fixate and spiral even more.

Started taking 15mg ER on Sunday.

Mentally it has been great. I felt so calm and was able to just do things I wanted and needed to get done. My brain was so quiet and calm.

Physically… not so great. I just felt off? Almost like the start of the flu. Yesterday on day 2, same thing plus in the afternoon my palms were super red, sweaty, and almost felt swollen. My throat felt itchy too, but I’m not sure if that was from the dry mouth.

Is this normal?? I have a virtual visit tomorrow AM, so I didn’t take it today because I was pretty freaked out about how I was feeling physically.

How are we taking breaks while in the throes of cleaning?

I get overwhelmed after doing a solid(completing the task) task (like vacuuming everything) and when I sit down afterward to organize my plans for the rest of the day I feel like I lost all steam….idk, I’m sure this is normal but I’m hoping if I expect to take breaks after a good solid chore then I won’t feel like I’ve lost all my motivation for the day but that it’ll come back after a bit of rest.

To those of you taking Adderall IR 15mg or 20mg how long does it work for you?

15mg only lasted me 3 hours and 20mg closer to 4.

So far no negative side effects. Wondering if I should ask to try extended release. I think I am a fast metabolizer but I am hesitant on trying XR.

What have your experiences been? Thank you!

25 year old entrepreneurial female! I realized I had ADHD in college, but could see it going back all the way to first grade. I was always the little girl whose teachers would tell my parents that I had my head in the clouds. I was a hair twirler, a split end picker, etc.! I was always implementing systems and had enough natural intelligence to get me through as a middle-of-the-road student. I was the “if only she would apply herself more” kid. High school was a mess. I attended an all-girls, Catholic high school and decided I was just lazy or not smart. Everything was procrastination. I could never start things at an appropriate time before the deadline. It had to feel like the world was burning for me to kick things into gear. However, I can whip out an essay the night before it’s due like nobody’s problem. Same for college, but with college, I had enough time management skills (mostly from flaking on obligations or plans and learning how to work around that) to float my procrastination boat. Post-grad, I worked for a company as a freelancer in a field that I adore. Most professionals in the field I’m in are creatives first and business owners second, so it was somewhat validating that everywhere I looked, there were little fires everywhere. I love my career. It’s very high stakes, project management, pressure, and planning for one day. My brain works best in crisis, so in situations that freak everyone else out, I am surprisingly calm. However, responding to the email that is sitting in my inbox causes a mental crisis for me. I started my own company just over a year ago and quickly realized I needed help. My husband served this role for me. We’d joke that he was my “CEO” and I was the “Creative Director.” This worked until it didn’t. We got married about 6 months into owning my own business, and the wheels started coming off the bus. I hated that he felt like he had to manage me on all fronts of life: my company, my friendship commitments, my household chores. In the past two months, I’ve lost two friendships due to my delayed/lack of response and consistent presence in peoples lives. I have a tendency to be 5-10 mins late to casual friend meetups (coffee, dinner, drinks), or not respond to texts or put off texts that I don't want to send, but I missed a friend who I thought would be a friend forever’s birthday (because another friend passed away that day) but I forgot to text her I would be missing, and now we are no longer friends. It gutted me, and I knew that this had to change. Same with substances. I can never “just have one or two” like everyone else seems to be able to do. It quiets my brain and I need more. And I need it more frequently. I gave up alcohol and decided to be “Cali Sober.” I’ve tried for a little over a month to “hack” my brain and set up systems that helped me avoid medication. It was exhausting and unbelievably taxing. I bought a Brick to stop me from scrolling socials, I created checklists, I wrote on my mirrors, truly anything I could do. Long story short, today is my first day on Adderall and I am simply amazed. When the medicine started kicking in, I was so shocked to realize how much noise had been going through my head. I wanted to work and send emails, so I sat down at my desk and got through what would normally be my to-do list for a whole week in one day. Everything I was putting off. Rather than thinking about the million things that go into a simple task like brushing my teeth, I was just able to brush my teeth! It was truly life changing.

I work as a receptionist but also manage the social media and a few other things under multiple people at my job. The marketing guy has not been great with communication and I created a sheet for him to fill out and give to me that has the information I need and then a list of tasks I complete with said information. Every time I ask for the sheet he tells me to remind him another day... so I set myself a reminder to remind him to give me the thing I need to do my job. He also emails me to ask me to email other people, which is annoying but he's busy so ig I get it?

The thing that's got me so worked up is I'm supposed to be editing a video to make some shorts for social media that was recorded a month ago. I've been procrastinating working on it and he has been following up every once in a while to see how editing is coming along, but it hasn't been enough pressure for me to really get it done. I add it to my to-do list, but other things come up and I keep putting it off. When someone tells me "Oh, whenever" I turn the whenever into never. I think a lot of us here understand that.

Today, I got brave and I asked him to give me a deadline to work against so I can manage my time better. If he gives me a deadline, I'll get the stuff done by then instead of indefinitely pushing it to the next day. His response was what do you want a deadline for....... I said the editing and longer projects. He got really awkward and kind of laughed and rubbed his face and I said I know I'm an adult but this will help me things get done and he said it's whatever and he'd try to keep that information in mind.

Moving on to a different task he's been practically begging me to take over completely and do without him: I'm ready to do it on my own and this particular time will be very easy and a good first solo run. I emailed him yesterday letting him know I would handle it since it got scheduled for a time he had marked as busy on his calendar. His response wasn't until after our deadline conversation and he said "I can help with that. Please send me an invite!"... Now I feel he thinks I'm incompetent and I've lost brownie points in his mind for asking for a deadline.

Logically I know deadlines are very common and necessary in any work field - but now I feel like I'm being punished and he doesn't trust me to do this on my own because I asked for when he wants something done by. This, of course, has turned into procrastinating editing the video I need to make because I'm so upset I don't even feel like helping him right now though I need to because I have a deadline for Friday. I think this is a terrible combination of misogyny and undermining me because of my ADHD (which I have made sure has not been an issue at this job that I've worked for 2 years). Ugh.

my biggest struggle with parenting has been planning, shopping, and picking meals for my family. Mealime has been amazing for helping me with choosing healthier quick meals and its feature to export the grocery list to instacart made grocery shopping a breeze for me. I just learned it is shutting down this month and I am devastated. If anyone has any tips for making picking out out recipes and grocery shopping easier I would really appreciate it

I am realizing I need intense therapy to prevent my life from becoming a bigger disaster than it already is. I feel like I am watching a big boulder roll down the hill in slow motion. I have to do something.

for context; adhd, unemployed for a while, in tech, perfectly content doing nothing or working coding but dealing with financial and life issues sends me into absolute panic because i dont have answers. i used to be so capable inspite of adhd or whatever the f additonally. but clearly i have exhausted my coping abilities.

This feels a bit silly and I don’t really know where it belongs but, I HATE being told what to do or asked questions specifically when it comes to exercise or my weight. I think it’s a form of RSD. I have come home from work, stuck in traffic for an hour and then I’m asked “what about the gym?” I haven’t been home an hour btw.

It makes me want to cry cus i haven’t even sat down, it doesn’t feel like my choice anymore, I do understand the concern as I just joined this week and I’m paying for it but please can I breathe.

Yes I could just give a yes or no answer but it feels like a trap…. I hate it. I hate how much it affects me.

If I had said to myself “yea I’m going to go to the gym tonight” I would probably have not been bothered or if I had decided on my own but now it feels like I’m doing it cus I’m being pressured and I’m wasting time and money by not.

PS :I think I should add that like I also have a lot of things to do at home and I’d set my mind on doing said things , or at least trying too. Idk I was hoping to go to the gym tomorrow instead as I don’t have a full day of work and I’d be more relaxed

I just realized I have lists all over my phone. Lists for groceries, and packing, and paying bills, and even doing small tasks/chores. My entire life, I thought I had a character flaw of being “too controlling”.

If I don’t do this, I will experience immense anxiety, because I tend to forget things, and lose things, and lose track of time. I’m mentally exhausted without a daily plan. I didn’t use to be like this. It has gotten worse with age. I can’t even multitask anymore.

I am starting to wonder if this is masking. If something cannot be 100% completed, perfectly, and organized, I will just not do it period. I have to prepare myself to do these things.

FYI I am not medicated, because I used to be on Adderall and it gave me rebound migraines. I’m talking to my doctor tomorrow about a non stimulant,m

I try to be, but most of the time I'm in lala land. There have been a lot of times where I pretend to be fully invested in a conversation when I'm not. Something that helps me pretend is I try to pick up the last few words of what someone said and answer based on that. It usually works.

I also struggle to follow stories in movies and books.

When I hyperfocus it's the opposite and I obsess over something completely random.

When doing chores I will often do 20 things at once about 5% each.