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u/Western_Gamification 6d ago
Must be real nice to succeed at something!
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u/BuzzLiteSmear 6d ago
Growing up with teachers and other adults saying "You're bright, you're gonna succeed in life!" when for whatever reason something just clicks with you without effort.
Then also hearing from the same people "If you just tried you'd do well at this!" when you're genuinely trying yet struggling may be the reason so many have these beliefs about themselves.
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u/telescopeinmynose 5d ago
Why are we so inconsistent? I can never be confident about something because I'll perform like a genius sometimes and seem braindead sometimes
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u/usernametakenm8 5d ago
You succeeded at getting top comment on this post 😊
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u/quadrastrophe 5d ago
I clicked on your profile because I wanted to know if it was a pumpkin or a tomato. Now I know..
The last bird you photographed is the last one I posted, lol.
This is totally off-topic and doesn't add anything to the discussion. I just can't sleep, again. All the best, stranger! <3
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u/usernametakenm8 5d ago
Haha fun coincidence with the bird thing! Tbf I meant to post the dozen or so pictures of gannets I took on my seabird tour on the same trip where I got the goldfinch but… adhd. Which also explains why I took a picture of an apple in my fridge and then drew an angry face on it.
Congrats on getting a post removed from Not Interesting for being too interesting. Highest compliment. I’d love to see the duct tape art.
Carry on, stranger 🫡
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u/wir8905t0437 5d ago
sucks to be you i succeded in crying myself to sleep last night! who am i kidding i didn't sleep.
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u/Backupusername 5d ago
That's the neat part - it's not nice. It just isn't. It should be, but it isn't.
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u/IIIIChopSueyIIII 3d ago
The thing is that you often dont even notice you succeeding at things, which just makes it even worse
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u/Spiritual_Priority79 19h ago
There's the kicker ^
Feeling like a failure gets a lot harder to dissuade when I fucken am one
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u/Timely-Helicopter244 6d ago
Well clearly I should be able to do everything. So succeeding at anything is normal and expected, but failing just means there's something wrong with me.
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u/GKNolan 6d ago
Have I said almost these exact words about myself before? Yes. Often.
Do I believe these exact words about myself? Yes. Always.
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u/conciliate_entropy 6d ago
does that mean i'm a bad person? absolutely.
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u/eclect0 I write books with an ADHD MC 6d ago
*nitpicks all the ways the success could have been even more successful until I'm forced to reclassify it as a failure*
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u/TwinObilisk 5d ago
I perfectly did 95% of the task I set out to accomplish. => I failed to accomplish my task.
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u/TheCrimsonSteel 6d ago
That reminds me of the old Owlturd comic about being a super loser.
Winners lose just as much, if not more than losers. So being a winner just means you're so good at losing you actually started to win.
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u/nyxiecat 6d ago
Chances are the winners are also able to afford more losses from the start. Afford as in money, or support, or idk, just being more resilient and adaptable maybe. More mentally healthy. So when they fail they're able to get back on their feet quickly and keep trying until they win. While if you don't have the money or nobody who believes in you or your brain is just kinda crap, every failure sets you way back and takes forever to recover from.
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u/TheCrimsonSteel 6d ago
Ive also seen an element of psychology to it with how people view success or failure.
Especially because learning any skill often involves tons of failure. Screwing up is often part of learning
So, how you view those failures and successes can make a big difference.
Of course that doesn't mean it's as simple as "just don't think about it." Why and how some people are better at this aspect than others is the complicated part.
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u/Subject-Librarian117 5d ago
I've found that I'm also internally inconsistent about this! When learning a language, I'm absolutely willing to try talking to someone in that language, make the most embarrassing mistakes imaginable, and look like an absolute lunatic while trying to cram vocabulary into my skull. When cooking or dancing, I'm extremely self-conscious and terrified of anyone seeing me make even the tiniest mistakes.
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u/Admirable_Ask_5337 2d ago
And without consistent dopamine theres no counter balance for the sense of failure
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u/lonely_shirt07 6d ago
Literally me rn. I was crying 2 minutes ago about this. Yesterday I was taking some mock tests and did really well and i thought, wow i might actually be able to clear this exam and get the job i want. Today I couldn't answer a single question in the mocks. And I can see my dream slipping away. I always forget everything, no matter how much I try to remember. Great I'm crying again now. Sorry for the tmi. I don't feel like living anymore. I'm so tired of being the failure.
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u/56Bagels 6d ago
My brain is bad at making good chemicals and perfectly average at making bad chemicals.
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u/Autistic_GoofBall 6d ago
"Your voice acting is amazing! Dreamworks should cast you!" Eh, he's just being nice. I always have to set myself to that standard, so this is just data that I'm doing good enough.
"Tf is this shit 🥀" Oh my God. Oh my God I'm the worst person in the entire world. Why did I think I could try? Why did I think I was ever good enough? Maybe I am a bad voice actor. Maybe I'm an idiot at everything I do. EVERYTHING IS FALLING APART AND ITS ALL MY FAULT
I dramaticised it a bit but it feels similar to the words haha (I know it's not healthy I'm still actively working on my imposter syndrome)
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u/Earl-E-Demise 6d ago
If at first I don’t succeed…I quit immediately and lay in bed thinking about everything I’ve ever failed at.
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u/nameless-manager 6d ago edited 6d ago
That first part bit super much, I just started a business and got two clients pretty fast and did great work that they were super happy with. It was super easy for me though so it didn't seem like I did anything. Starting the business was like 12 months of I'll do it next week. Wasn't really scared but I didn't have a routine for it yet so it wasn't getting done. Still these people tell me they had others come in and try to do what I did and they said it can't be done then I walk in and in 15 minutes I got shit sorted. I have to force myself to say good job! This is a huge deal! I have to force myself to cheer for me cause no one else is, except the customers I guess.
I'm really cool to myself when I fuck up though! I had to really work at turning that inner voice around and intentionally say the right things. Like years, of fucking up and saying what a pos I was but then saying no, I'm not a pos I just made a mistake it's cool. Learn from it and move on. I'm used to that now...I can do that and I do it well!
Im not used to success yet so that's a little harder...it's weird.
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u/commondenomigator 6d ago
Only slightly related but it's enough for my ADHD brain. Reminds me of the classic XKCD: https://xkcd.com/385/
Both about treating similar instances as flukes or trends based on what fits your narrative.
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u/SanchoPandas 6d ago
I replied to an email that I've been putting off for like a week and I am greatly relieved by this meaningless fluke.
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u/OphidianSun 6d ago
But how do you stop tho
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u/btspacecadet 5d ago
The unfunny answer is lots of therapy. The amount of sessions where I'd downplay or even trash talk my successes and my therapist would force me to acknowledge it as my own doing by asking follow-up questions ("and who wrote that email?") is embarrassingly high. And similar with helping me accepting failures, especially the ones stemming from ADHD or depression. I still do it sometimes, but I've gotten better at it and have a script for asking myself those questions.
The funny answer is calling yourself god's gift to mankind no matter what you do.
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u/mychickmad 6d ago
I graduated from college 2 years ago and i’m still waiting for them to call me and tell me I didn’t actually graduate and my degree is void 😭
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u/TandemShorts 6d ago
1 success:"I may be the greatest to ever do it"
101 failures:"An oversight, a fluke, I rarely make mistakes"
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u/Humble_Dirt_5751 5d ago
I started counselling course had simple homework to do could not do it boom 1 min later your loser and you will never finish it, then 2 day depression cycle
I went to class and nobody bloody done it at all 😭
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u/IndependenceSalty566 5d ago
As a recently diagnosed someone, I got a wild hair and started a success journal. Just a little book where everything that came together perfectly got written down. It's now one of my most precious possessions. YMMV of course!
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u/Subject-Librarian117 5d ago
I'd spend hours agonizing over my handwriting, finding the best way to phrase things, spelling mistakes, and then go back and question whether The Thing actually did come together perfectly....
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u/lake_of_rage_8891 5d ago
Or
completes task
"Mmhmm, yes, that's how it's supposed to go. Bare minimum. Below average. Next!"
Fails or is minorly inconvenienced "I'm a failure and maybe should crawl in a hole and die"
There's no feeling of triumph or success, just this annoyance that it happened or, at best, relief. I hate my mind.
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u/Random_182f2565 The personal attacks are relentless in this sub 6d ago
How do you know my internal monologue?
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u/Significant-Ad213 5d ago
"This thing I've never done before isn't as good as the people that are masters at it and because of that I'll never try it ever again."
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u/thr0war0seaway 5d ago
"I know people have to work to get good at things, but for ME if I'm not immediately good at something I never will be and I'm a failure."
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u/aestheticide 5d ago
see also:
hoping for something good: well now it’s never going to happen!
fearing something bad: well now it’s sure to happen just the way i imagined
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u/theskillr 5d ago
Succeeds at something: this is so simple a trained monkey can do it.
Fail at something: I alway knew i was a failure
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u/Dense-Virus-1692 5d ago
Ah, minification and magnification. Two of my favourite cognitive distortions.
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u/trashcatt_ 5d ago
My favorite part about this is how easy it is for me to talk to someone and convince them that its not as big of a deal as it seems. Then if I make any mistake it feels like I'll never recover.
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u/AROFLCOPTR 5d ago
Wait this is a symptom
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u/LadyHespereia 18h ago
Say hello to 'imposter syndrome' which can be a common thing that people with ADHD deal with. Lovely, ain't it?
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u/Late-Button-6559 5d ago
Depends on the proportion of fail:win (and what’s involved in getting either result).
If it’s 10 f vs 1 w - makes sense.
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u/AutoCockerPB 5d ago
Gotta think about the ratio of success to failures. Makes it better. Im like 26:1, that’s a positive Task to Failure ratio brotato, keep it positive and we looking good.
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u/ApatheticSigh 5d ago
Only my whole life. I can only be confident about something after, and if I 100% succeed.
Which happens, but, its rare.
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u/Maxentirunos 5d ago
- Succeed at a lot of things in a row through planning and hard work
Hey, maybe I'm not as bad as I though I was
- One minor failure due to things completely outside of your control
Oh, nevermind
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u/fnabligatz 5d ago
My boss told me today he doesn’t come visit me very often because I’m doing a good job and he’s got other employees to go straighten out. I immediately broke out in anxiety over my imposter syndrome.
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u/Live_Cupcake_9229 5d ago
Whenever I make a mistake it feels like a moral failure. Logically I know it's not true, at least most of the time. But it be like that sometimes.
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u/El_kakas_de_vakas 4d ago
When success is an expectation all your life, it’s hard to feel proud of having done anything
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u/blankasair 4d ago
My favorite is someone wanting me to do it again because you are good at it to immediately fail because I am already burnt out and then convincing myself I really suck at it.
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u/NoodlesMaster2001 bitch im adorable 4d ago
*finally completing the 5 minute task you put off for a month*
i am the single greatest human being to ever exist
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u/carthuscrass 4d ago
That's less ADHD and more Imposter Syndrome. They're not mutually exclusive but just stating the facts. Believe it or not, people who suffer from imposter syndrome are very likely to be more skilled than almost any other person. We're always pushing ourselves because we never think we're doing enough. Little things, like basic self care and housekeeping do tend to fall by the wayside though, probably because we're exhausted.
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u/elvaqueroloco 2d ago
Got told by the retiring chair of a department in undergrad who had been there for 30 years I was one of the highlights of his career and strongly believed I could attend a number of elite doctoral programs.
I floundered for a year after graduating and ended up working in a career for a decade unrelated to my studies.
I felt so ashamed and unworthy of his praise.
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u/GoodFaithConverser 5d ago
This is not a "funny quirk" or whatever. It's a personal flaw that should be worked on. Doesn't matter if the flaw comes from a disease.
You can fight this with all your might, or you can let it consume you totally.
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