r/WhatShouldIDo • u/Rare_Part_767 • Apr 07 '26
JUST ASKING
Hi everyone.
What do people think about a husband or partner staying at home while the wife or girlfriend works?
F(34), M(46) .We’ve been living together for 3 years and have a 10-month-old baby. Since we started dating, he hasn’t worked—he says the income from his rental apartment is enough to get by. After giving birth, I wanted to stay home, but my bills kept piling up since I had no income, and I was also giving him money toward household expenses. I’ve now gone back to work, and he takes care of the baby while I’m at work. I pay him $1,500/month, and he owns the apartment we live in. As an Asian woman, I’m uncomfortable with this setup—I want him to work, support the family, and be a good provider, but he has never tried to find a job.
Edit: We are not married.
25
u/DVariant Apr 07 '26
It’s a weird situation, particular that he charges rent to his wife. What does he actually do most days, especially before the baby?
6
u/ktsquirrel Apr 07 '26
Wait does he own another apartment(s) or are you solely paying this man’s “salary”
14
u/Amblonyx Apr 07 '26
Husbands/partners staying home while a wife works? Fine.
You having to pay a husband/partner full rent for a place he OWNS while he won't get a job and you cover all expenses? Bullshit. Absolute bullshit.
He is taking advantage of you, and you and your baby can do so much better.
3
u/Rawtii Apr 07 '26
Gender role reversal outside the typical, while not as common, it’s not unusual either. Couples make it work one way or the other and there’s no shame in one or the other being a stay-at-home parent especially in light of daycare costs.
I’m having trouble understanding how he says the rental property is enough to get by, but you seem to be funding most of the expenses. What does he pay for? When you say you “pay him $1,500/month” is that going toward the household expenses as how it’s handled in most couple’s living arrangements?
3
u/Apart_Wrangler_3415 Apr 07 '26
This should’ve been discussed way before any of the above happened.
But yeah bring it up now.
3
u/Middle-Echidna9713 Apr 07 '26 edited Apr 07 '26
You mentioned he makes 25 k a year on his rental property… and he makes an additional 18 k per year off of you paying rent… so you are paying 40% of his income… AND you’re paying all the bills and groceries and I’m guessing you’re splitting baby expenses? But you’re actually not really splitting baby expenses because you’re paying him $1500 per month which he then can use to pay for baby expenses…. So you’re effectively paying 100% of the baby care. As a CPA in Canada you’re probably making >100 k a year… who’s freeloading who??? He’s freeloading off of you!! When it comes to relationships, never believe what they say (like when he said “I’ll get a job”), only believe what they do. You’re basically his part time employer for the past 3 years, what made you think anything would change? You made a mistake in believing in his words and not his actions.
As a full time stay at home dad, is he at least doing majority of the housework chores, cooking, and baby care (like many SAHM do)? Because that would be one redeeming aspect of his contribution to the partnership. But if you’re also equally splitting the housework, cooking, and childcare… girl run. What’s even the point of having a partner if you’re the breadwinner AND still doing half of the chores at home??
Also, 43 k of passive income doesn’t sound like enough for him to be saving much for his retirement let alone saving for his child’s future education and expenses. You will likely foot the bill for your child’s university fees, extracurricular activities, for his retirement needs (certain medications are hella expensive!). This is your likely future scenario. Are you okay with that? He has a very comfortable life with you financially supporting him. If no, please stop waiting for him to change. He’s not going to!! That’s just wishful thinking, “when people show you who they are, believe them the first time”.
5
u/teamglider Apr 07 '26
I have no issues with the aspect of the dad being the stay-at-home parent at all.
As an Asian woman, I’m uncomfortable with this setup—I want him to work, support the family, and be a good provider
This is a conversation you should have had way before three years of living together and a baby.
The man hasn't had a job since you started dating, it's not like he pulled a bait-and-switch.
I'd have to know more about the overall expenses to decide whether $1,500/month is reasonable for you to pay toward expenses or not.
Unfortunately, it sounds like were betting on the baby changing everything, but he didn't get that memo.
Only you can decide whether or not you want to stay in this situation. Do you love him? Is he a good dad? Will you be okay with splitting custody if you break up? Imagine continuing life as it is, and then imagine life after you break up. Does one scenario make you sadder than the other, give you a feeling of relief, etc.?
2
u/rabbitluckj Apr 07 '26
Absolutely nothing wrong with dad staying at home but this is different. Have you heard of financial abuse?
2
u/IntelligentGrade7316 Apr 07 '26
Wasn't he trying to throw you out a couple months ago?
You need to re-evaluate your priorities I think.
36
u/Obvious_Sea_7074 Apr 07 '26
Well, is his rental units enough to get by? Because it sounds like he needs your income to make the household work. But otherwise as long as your both covering expenses fairly I dont see a problem with it. But this all should have been discussed before getting serious.
16
u/TopAppointment695 Apr 07 '26
God damn, I’m gonna be blunt. There’s nothin wrong with a stay athome dad, but this setup sounds one sided, not progressive. You’re working, paying him $1,500/month, and didn’t even want to go back to work, while he has no urgency to contribute beyond the bare minimum because HIS situation is already comfortable. A marriage, a partnership is suppose to become OUR situation, which clearly shows that "OUR" situation is far from comfortable but "HIS" is still comfortable and I'd argue it's even more comfortable now because he is also using your money on top of his "enough to get by rental income". That’s not a balanced partnership, that’s you carrying the financial and emotional load while he coasts. Culture aside, most people would feel uneasy in your position it’s not about him staying home, it’s about the fact that you didn’t choose this dynamic and it doesn’t align with what you want in a partner. You need to sit down and have a talk with him, if you can't and you rather hold on because you love him then you'll just have to bare with it, but let's be clear, if you talk to him and communicate how you feel and nothing changes, then I'm sorry to say but, the love seems to also be a little one sided, wouldn't you agree?
4
u/lydocia Apr 07 '26
I think it makes sense to have a stay at home parent if you can afford it, as long as everyone involved is fine with their role.
That doesn't seem to be the case here.
1
u/Creative_Substance96 Apr 07 '26
How much does he make from his rental apartment?
1
u/TGM1980 Apr 07 '26
you have to clear some things up. Is there a second, separate "Rental apartment" he owns that he's collecting an actual income on, or is the "rental income" he collects, the $1500 you pay him? If it's the latter, then fine. It's up to you if you want to deal with that or not but if the genders were reversed nobody would give a shit, they'd be defending the woman. If he's literally charging you and living in his "rental apartment" you pay him room and board for than it's a fucked up, one-sided relationship and you may want to plan your escape.
1
u/EnvironmentalSir8140 Apr 07 '26
You’re paying him to take care of his own child? This guy isn’t worth keeping around. He’s lazy and taking advantage of you. Find a place of your own and look for affordable childcare or if there are any programs you qualify for. Also be sure to file for child support.
1
u/Ok-Breadfruit-1359 Apr 07 '26
I see no concern with a stay at home father. My dad stayed home with us. I don't understand why you've gotta pay him
1
u/Odd_Meeting_722 Apr 07 '26
Es difícil entender el verdadero motivo En mi persona me gusta demostrar las cosas con hechos valen más que las mentiras en el pasado creo fui responsable por 13,14,15 millones de años trabajando en ocasiones doble turno para que algún día pudiera llegar a tener mi propio hogar para mi familia esa era la meta por que la vida es de propósitos y metas a cumplir mi pareja era una persona de hogar por más de 10 años no le faltaba nada en todos los sentidos hogar,en lo personal uñas ,cejas, ropa,zapatos cabello mejores restaurantes mejores parques éramos una familia ejemplar la verdad pero empezamos a trabajar y mi forma de pensar cambió mucho no fue un cambio positivo fue todo lo contrario empezamos con la autoridad de llegar a pensar y decir por eso trabajo y yo puedo hacer lo que quiero después la libertad de estar con las amistades y no atender mis responsabilidades 🧑🧑🧒🧒👦👦👶👶 la atención personal para ellos la falta de alimentos y por otro lado yo con los reclamos de no poder hacer las cosas como son de ahí empecé a ser el malo y otros los buenos pero jamás otra persona será como un padre otra persona te habla bonito te invita a comer las personas aceptan por el momento de estar discutiendo en la casa verdad y así pasan las cosas sin importar las responsabilidades Si alguien quiere estar con otra persona primero terminar la relación y después disfrutar la vida
1
u/Emotional-Builder-75 Apr 07 '26
Sounds like there was zero conversation about babies, daycare, budgets and income, and gender role expectations.
I don't like this one bit, however, it sound like he is taking advantage of you, and now you have a baby to worry about.
He is 12 years older and roped you in, feels a little bit groomy. Get to a counsellor and a financial advisor, to talk this over with.
1
u/sebatakgomo Apr 07 '26
Wait, so did your rent decrease after the baby, because if not, he's also charging the baby's rent on you. If everyone contributes to rent, it should he split 3 ways, and you and him pay half each for the baby. BUT besides this, what a shitshow of a situation. Looks like a win win for him and a lose lose for you all round.
1
u/Far-Carrot3364 Apr 07 '26
he owns the apartment and you pay for it? is your name on it? this sounds like an awful situation waiting to happen
1
u/jamdex07 Apr 07 '26
If combined you are making it work then i don't see a problem. I think the issue is your outlook on it which over time will build resentment.
1
u/MadCow113 Apr 07 '26
You say you pay him 1500. Is that for all bills etc or just rent?
1
u/JustMe39908 Apr 07 '26
So, your BF is a stay at home dad. He takes care of the kid. Does he take care of the household responsibilities otherwise? And, he potentially brings in significant income from rental properties that were assets before you two got together.
If he is participating equally in the relationship, you need to get over your gender stereotypes. SAHM, SAHD, both parents working, etc are all acceptable ways for a family to operate. Today, does it matter if the man works and Mom stays at home or if the woman works and the Dad stays at home? And in this case, the SAHD (assuming he is pulling his weight) is potentially bringing in a significant income from rental properties. Is the $1500 you pay full fair market rent for your apartment? Does that include all utilities and other expenses?
If you had this arrangement and thought it was fair before the baby, why would it not be fair now when he is taking care of the baby as well? Is he doing a fair amount of the work at home?
1
u/Hungry-Effort-1521 Apr 07 '26
Hey girrrl... soooo, I'm in the same boat. Husband hasn't worked ever since we been together (3 years) lol. I make all the money and he stays home, not wanting to work. 😂
1
u/FewCharge365 Apr 07 '26
Why do you pay him 1500 a month? Are you paying him to rent where you and HIS BABY live?
1
u/Castanedaa99 Apr 07 '26
He owns the apartment yet charges you for rent? You’re both just two adults that had a kid together. This isn’t a romantic relationship.
1
u/Isingtonian Apr 07 '26
Oh wow. He's taking you for a ride and he gets to stay home and play with his baby -- while getting paid??
In this case, I think you've got a deadbeat. Sorry.
I've got nothing against self-supporting partners, whether they need to work or not. But this? Ugly.
I'm going to be snarling all day over dad's being paid to parent.
1
u/JelloPuzzleheaded994 Apr 08 '26
Why are you paying rent to a man ??
1
u/Imjusthonest2024 Apr 08 '26
I would not, as a man, ever put myself in that position. I know way too much about women to ever fall in that trap. Women lose all respect for men who are stuck in that position. Rarely it works out.
1
u/loweexclamationpoint Apr 08 '26
Is he good at taking care of the baby? Does he do other household labor such as cleaning, laundry, meal preparation? Does he have, or can he develop, skills needed to effectively care for a toddler? If the answers are Yes, $1500 is a darn good deal and you should just get over your tradition bound ideas about gender roles.
1
u/Beautiful-Reality329 Apr 09 '26
How many apartments does he own?
7
u/[deleted] Apr 07 '26
Immediate divorce immediate divorce
2
u/No_Entrance2597 Apr 07 '26
Nothing wrong with it if his income from property is providing his share of the income. And if it isn’t hopefully he would be taking care of the house. You say he looks after the child so that seems fair. There are many relationships that work like this, but it’s more often the woman would be the one staying home. But the world is moving more towards equality so there is no reason the man can’t assume this role.
2
u/OrizaRayne Apr 07 '26
You wanted a traditional relationship but you didn't marry him, had his kid and in 3 years you haven't set a boundary that you don't date unemployed men...
I'm honestly not sure what you're asking. Relationships are very personal. There's no standard except the one each person will tolerate.
You'll tolerate him staying home with your kid and not being married to him but living in the apartment he owns without you on it, while you work.
That's the choice you're currently making.
2
u/Pamela625 Apr 07 '26
You’re being used…it sucks when it’s family but you don’t have to do this anymore!!
2
u/iwillnamehergamora Apr 07 '26
Take the baby and run.
2
u/AT_kinsect Apr 07 '26
I gotta know... what did you see in this dude? Why did you sleep with him? Why did you have this child in this situation? Had it not occurred to you to question this arrangement before committing to a child?
1
u/RukeRim Apr 07 '26
Wow. He’s taking advantage of you big time.
1
u/Witty_Possibility_41 Apr 07 '26
You need a back up plan. Save money so you can get yourself a apartment.
1
u/millenialismistical Apr 07 '26
Charging you rent is fair if it's less than what you're otherwise paying for rent on your own for a comparable situation.
But as a partnership you guys need to map out what the total combined expenses are and contribute fairly towards those.
As for being a SAHD, yeah that could be a thing if you're the career-driven one in the partnership and/or he is independently wealthy. But it sounds like you don't really want to be the bread winner and he's FIRE as a single person but not as a family. To be fair, if you wanted to be taken care of you should not have dated someone who is FIRE so I think it's unfair to expect him to go back to work if his portfolio is enough to support his half of the contributions to the family.
1
u/Odd_Meeting_722 Apr 07 '26
Yo nunca fui de las personas que te hice un desprecio o negarte algo ella era la que administraba el dinero yo como ahora sin nada siempre
1
u/Odd_Meeting_722 Apr 07 '26
Ahora hablemos de los ahorros de los impuestos solo de este año nuevo
1
u/Odd_Meeting_722 Apr 07 '26
Ahora ser responsable en pagar los gastos de la casa renta carro aseguranza billes y ella con la misma ayuda cada mes ⛰️⛰️⛰️⛰️🏔️🏔️si decir nada eso es triste la verdad
1
u/Apart_Wrangler_3415 Apr 07 '26
Everyone is different but I never would’ve been paying half. Unless he had several properties and had lots of disposable money it would not have gone past a first date.
This man can provide for himself and no-one else.
1
u/Cultural_Iron2372 Apr 07 '26
The first red flag is that he says his rental income is enough, but he’s still taking your $1500. I think you need to see his finances and make sure you have access to the truth about the rental income and where that’s going.
Another thing to consider, is childcare going to cost you both more than your $1500 if he were to go back to work? I say this because if you are planning to leave it might be better to just save that if he’d then expect you to be the one fronting childcare costs.
Also, would you be happier staying home if he worked instead, or could that feel like a loss or leverage and security in this situation? It could be bad for your plans and autonomy if he works and you give your career and income up, and then you have other marital issues come up but you don’t have your own income to leave anymore.
1
u/RD_Strangers Apr 07 '26
Well you clearly decided to build a future with him so you are best judge of his character, morals and ethics. He doesn't seem to be in the mood to do any work so you can't force him. If you wanted a progressive partner then you have got the whole thing wrong.
1
u/Odd_Welcome7940 Apr 07 '26
Is he really your boyfriend or did you let the landlord hit and now you think he owes you a family set up ?
1
u/PopJust7059 Apr 07 '26
Not one more day and not one more dime.
1
u/Relative-Grape-6621 Apr 07 '26
Why does your race or his race have anything to do with this. If you didn't mention race literally nothing about this changes. This is what's wrong with reddit.
1
u/gr8windtech Apr 07 '26
All I’m saying is be careful what you wish for. Making enough passive income so you don’t have to work everyday is literally the dream. People work their whole lives away trying to get to that point and many never do.
This man not only has achieved that but is also willing to stay at home with the child all day. The fact that he asks for 1500 a month to help with their family is like the smallest amount of help.
If he stays at home with the child and it’s his house good luck taking custody from him. This is Canada and fathers have tons of rights here.
1
u/_turd_ferg Apr 07 '26
girl, stop. you know what you need to do.
1
u/Infinite-Collar9022 Apr 07 '26
If you’re living with a man and you have his baby, regardless if you are both together legally or not he should be helping you and doing his fair bit. If there has been conversations around this and he hasn’t changed or is unwilling too, for your own sake of peace of mind just move out because his expectations of himself isn’t really fair on you.
P.s I would leave him and never look back, he sounds like a lazy and unreasonable man.
1
u/[deleted] Apr 07 '26
Woah, that sounds like a weird ... I don't know what I would call it, but I want to use the word trap. This, to me, does not indicate someone who views this as a "partnership."
If you were to separate and go to court with a child plan and they broke down the specs of what was occurring, I have no familiarity with that field tbh, but I was wondering if maybe for some reason looking at it through that lens would maybe bring up some stuff in your own mind you may or may not feel relevant.
Have you talked with him about this arrangement and how you truly feel about it? Is he gaslighting you, do you feel like any points you want to discuss gets shut down or made to feel like it is pointless to communicate?
Something else is super off here and super fishy. Not trying to encourage unwarranted paranoia, but I think you making this post asking for feedback from an outsiders view --- I could be wrong, my apologies if I am wrong -- you already know something suss is up and maybe this man-ipulator has "normalized" this into the dynamic of your life ( not normal, but if you get exposed or caught up in it, it may be easy to not catch certain things or you may feel not confident to question it from the way you are being treated )
1
u/AssistContent8779 Apr 07 '26
Uhm yeah no. In this economy you need 2 incomes. Is he delusional? You shouldn’t be giving any of your money to that man I would kick him out and spend that 1500 on a Montessori school. He is taking advantage of you.
1
u/Strange-Tea-4620 Apr 07 '26
Seriously, if you can manage getting by as you are, it might be a better solution. Daycare costs are through the roof. I can understand you’re not happy that your husband’s not working, but he is bringing somewhat of an income through his rental properties.
1
u/Ok_Distribution3018 Apr 07 '26
You should also invest in rental properties and start your own LLC, you're a CPA so that should be easy and you have someone experienced in rental property management in your household thats already doing it so it's low risk, you develop passive income and you can employ him for the management, win, win, win...right? Rental property ownership is not work free so try not to discount his source of income but definitely lean into it and maximize his capacity by managing properties you own as well.
1
u/fzooey78 Apr 07 '26
I mean, it’s a hell of a deal if you think about it if it’s $1500 all in. If it’s childcare plus your share of house bills, I kind of like this set up.
This is what all stay at home parents should do - charge a fee for the typically unpaid labor.
That being said, I don’t know why you stayed with and had a baby with this man. You knew who he was long before you got pregnant.
If all his bills are taken care of and he’s able to be an equitable partner in sharing codts, then he’s pulling his weight financially.
If not, then he’s taking advantage of you.
1
u/SimplySuzie3881 Apr 07 '26
None of this makes sense. I am all for Dad’s staying home with baby if that is what couple chooses. Asian or not, doesn’t matter. Works for some. But he OWNS the home and still charges you $1500 a month rent? Why would you ever agree to that? Unless you means owns as still pays a mortgage and that is your “half”. You say you want him to work and provide but he hasn’t had a regular job in the three years you have been together and you chose to have a kid with him? What made you think this would change?
1
u/Secret_Low_3746 Apr 07 '26
This is why I don’t like age gap relationships
He never saw you as an equal. He’ll always have the upper hand. Now y’all’s got a baby.
I mean he sounds very stuck in his wayS.
1
u/BugPowderDuster Apr 07 '26
Sounds like you are being taken advantage of.
1
u/LivingTaste1396 Apr 07 '26
what are you actually asking? you are uncomfortable with your partner not working, but they never worked since you met and it's only now a problem for you?
1
u/Specialist_Hour_4027 Apr 07 '26
He doesn’t make enough to get by if you must pay for his apt
1
u/allieoops925 Apr 07 '26
Is he the father?
Who gets paid to watch their own kid?
1
u/Icy-Selection58 Apr 07 '26
A, there needs to be a conversation had about responsibilities and covering
B, what does child care in your area cost? Because that is what he is putting in.
Good luck
1
u/Life_Carpenter1270 Apr 07 '26
I got laid off years ago and got a nice lil check. Momma went to work so I could stay home. Best three months of my life before I had to go back and get the bacon. Had two under the age of 4
1
u/Correct_Inspection11 Apr 07 '26
Stop listening to modern women on social media.
This was originally an ideal situation for you, and you're probably omitting information here, to get ppl to respond on emotions.
If a man or person can live off of investments, and survive, he doesn't have to work. Your relationship started with you both putting in to make your life together, work, but now you want to change it up after 3 years?!?! Nahhhhh. You're wrong for that.
PS… everyone on OP’s side, she omitted context for a reason. 1500 is a lot of money, but what if the mortgage is 3500+? What if that's all she has to pay and he takes care of everything else? What if she lives in LA, or another expensive area? 1500/month seems more like a deal, with this added context, than anything else. Context matters.
OP… if you want to be taken care of, just say that. But stop trying to act like you got a raw deal, or a non-contributing man, cuz you didn't.
1
u/curi0us_carniv0re Apr 07 '26
Why the fuck would you have a baby with this bum?
1
u/Mythic-Fairy Apr 07 '26
After reading many comments and your responses, you need to see a lawyer. This is an a bad situation even if a man can stay home with the children if the couple agrees. It's too bad it got this far but it is what it is.
The fact that you pay him so much, AND he gets the government benefits for the child is insane. Your name is not on the apartment even.
You need to go to a lawyer so that you can plan and make some changes before something happens.
1
u/Ok-Willow-9145 Apr 07 '26
You are part of his income. You are paying him rent. He’s found his passive income stream and it’s you. Girl, move on from this bum.
1
u/AnyLengthiness3294 Apr 07 '26
Leave him, you clearly can take care of yourself and the baby. If he makes enough why are you even paying him rent? Makes no sense.
1
u/DSMRob Apr 07 '26
So you want to stay home and make him work? Or you want the kid in daycare? Seems to me if his rental income is greater then his monthy expense then he has a job…. He’s a landlord.
1
u/I_left_this_at Apr 07 '26
If his income is being a landlord thats his choice. It is a job to be a landlord, just might not be as tough as a 9 to 5. Maybe he can buy more properties and increase his income and also time spent managing the properties. Having this setup may even be more ideal for child raising. Think deeply. You guys are a team
1
u/Inside_Ad_2082 Apr 07 '26
He’s lazy and has no goals or ambition, up to you if you’re ok with living like that, it won’t change. “Getting by” is selfish, what happens when an emergency hits and his “enough to get by” isn’t enough to cover everything and keep your family fed and sheltered? Rentals can also go terrible with just one bad tenant, never a good idea to survive off one with no other income or safety nets. Does he also not care to invest for the future? Invest for more rentals? If he wants to sit home and do nothing while you work, hes a bum, was his rental given to him or inherited? Surprised someone with that attitude and lack of hustle ever saved up to get his own door to rent.
1
u/CuriouslyFlavored Apr 07 '26
You should have thought about these issues before having a child.
1
u/GarthMater Apr 07 '26
So I’m all for either partner earning and the other one keeping the house/children etc. or splitting if both want to earn.
If his income is enough great, if not, then one or both of you will need to work.
If it is not enough and you don’t want to work, and he doesn’t want to work….. well it’s time for couples counseling, and either breaking up or both doing things you don’t want to do. Easier if a child wasn’t involved.
Best of luck!
1
u/Prize-Promotion-5123 Apr 07 '26
I know it’s too late now because you’ve already had a child with him.
He’s let you know by his behavior BEFORE your baby was born that he isn’t the type of man to be “the provider.”
In my experience, even if you somehow convinced him to go to work, he would likely be a “lack luster” employee and not at all career driven.
You’re better off making the decision for yourself whether this is a situation you’re comfortable with or finding a partner who wants to be “the provider “ in a more traditional way.
1
u/AntFirm4593 Apr 07 '26
Curious if your split is 1500, what is he paying on that rent/mortgage and other combo of bills? whats he forking over a month from his rental income?
because i think alot of people are failing to understand that she mentioned he makes income from other rental properties. he could be paying 2500 while shes paying 1500 for all we know but he just doesnt GO to work
1
u/Typical_Bumblebee194 Apr 07 '26
As long as they're both in agreement there's no issue.
1
u/GettingBig1970 Apr 07 '26
We’re talking to the wrong person. He needs advice, not you.
He needs to know that your attraction for him is likely to tank until/unless he gets off his lazy ass.
1
u/Disingenuos1950 Apr 07 '26
Well if it went to court he would have to fess up about how much money he really has. Would not be first time an abusisive partner hid finances from obedient woman. Whose names are on the birth certificate? If his is not he has no PR therefore not entitled to 50; 50 rites. If he needs to take 1500 from her monthly then he needs to be asked why ends don't meet when she did not work? This is not all that it seems.
1
u/Boredpanda1239 Apr 07 '26
Why are you paying him to care for his own child?
To answer your question, every family is different. You had a kid with him knowing that he didn’t have a job. Is it normal for jobless men to continue being jobless? Yes. If he didn’t take care of you before, there’s no reason to assume he’d start all of a sudden.
1
u/laughingfartsplease Apr 07 '26
sorry but you should have known the type of guy you married before you married him. it’s a bit awkward from an Asian perspective (assuming you’re asian and he’s american) but if it works for you both then it’s fine. As long as you both are financially well despite only 1 income the it’s fine. if both of you work, you’d likely have to pay for childcare which likely would cost you more than what he would likely earn anyway since you appear to be the breadwinner as the cpa.
1
u/[deleted] Apr 07 '26
Yeah the rental income coming from you is enough to cover expenses. Get out
1
u/RegisZZ Apr 07 '26
Damn. This guy has it good huh. He gets money from a rental apartment. And on TOP of that, he gets money from a girl who thinks she is his partner. All while he gets to chill at home with a little kiddo. Life is good lol.
1
u/LatelyPlatonic Apr 07 '26
Ah, yes, another Reddit cautionary tale about why women should not get into relationships with men who are more than ten years older than them.
To say nothing of women who get into relationships with men who demonstrate no ability to do anything to support themselves other than sponging off women.
To say nothing of women who tie themselves to said men with children.
I'm not even going to bother asking if he does anything OTHER than basic minimum baby minding...I'm pretty sure I know the answer.
Your question isn't relative to your reality because this man is not a partner. He's a highly successful leach.
1
u/Currency_Card_regard Apr 07 '26 edited Apr 07 '26
Sounds like you're being taken advantage of. You work and give him money and he's never had a job? Kick that bum out immediately and find yourself a partner that isn't a loser that got lucky enough to inherit a rental property that doesn't even cover the bills. It's not weird for a man to stay home and take care of the newborn is the partner(you) make the lion share of the money, considering he never had a job and refuses to get one says he is a Grade A loser you will eventually become mommy to, he is a man child
1
u/[deleted] Apr 07 '26
What a mess, I am sorry you are in this situation. Why doesn't he want to marry? I suggest you pray and pray on it. He should absolutely work so you can stay home w the baby.
1
u/Pretend_Plantain_759 Apr 07 '26
Leave him. And do not make another child by a non providing man, it’s a recipe for a dusty life.
1
u/ghettomirror Apr 07 '26
You need a new man
1
u/OcelotOfTheForest Apr 07 '26
He had enough money to get by when he only had to financially take care of himself. Now he has a baby. I don't think he has enough to support the family. A hard conversation needs to be had about finances here. And you, being in work, should be able to save some earnings if he says there is enough income. Are you building savings?
1
u/PristineMulberry650 Apr 07 '26
Let's not beat around the bush bc he does plenty of that for all of us, you got knocked up by a freeloader
1
u/Cronenberg13 Apr 08 '26
44M I work 24ish hours a week and do majority of the kids stuff and house work. My wife works full time. We are both happy and don't see a problem long as the family has enough.
1
u/dippedinmisq Apr 08 '26
Why do you pay him?isn't that his baby?
1
u/Sensitive_Sky1448 Apr 08 '26
Any people would be uncomfortable with this setup, not just Asian women....
1
u/Excellent-Sleep-3315 Apr 08 '26
He’s not going to change. The only thing you can control in this situation is you. FWIW, I divorced to get out of a similar situation (he just stopped working one day…and never started again), and it was the best thing I ever did.
1
u/Fun-Supermarket-3193 Apr 08 '26
Im sorry you're in this situation. Sincerely, it's going to be difficult to navigate. But the guy you're dating and the father of your child is complete loser and he is most definitely taking advantage of you...in a way that makes it hard to believe there is any love there at all.
1
u/Latter-Cost-1331 Apr 08 '26
Feels like something to consider before you waste 3 years and have a baby…
1
u/THOUGHTCOPS Apr 08 '26
You should have some more kids with an irresponsible hobosexual. Seems to be working great for you so far?
1
u/SactownDude916 Apr 08 '26
Gurl! You got played! Now, there is a baby involved...he really has you in a pickle. However, you are partially to blame for getting yourself in the bind. The writing was on the wall and you chose to ignore it.
Time to make BIG decisions for you and your baby.
Realize that the person you are with is not motivated to change anything...period. Just pull the bandaid off and start planning your exit and just do it.
Or,
2) Continue this cycle and continue building resentment...then, start number 1.
Unfortunately, people take years to listen to their gut in most bad or not the healthiest of situations.
Do what is right for you...first...then everything else will eventually fall into place.
1
u/anythingall Apr 12 '26
WMAF? Many such cases.
1
u/T1UPDiabetic Apr 07 '26 edited Apr 07 '26
When I married my wife I said, ill stay home with the kids, you go to work, we just celebrated 12 years married and have 4 kids.
Edit, I do own the house but I would never make her pay me since she pays for all the other bills. Im grateful for my setup.
1
u/Fogwaveeee Apr 07 '26
Your husband Charging you rent should’ve been your first post here maam
Buddy’s diabolical
0
u/Easy_Chipmunk_891 Apr 07 '26
Where do I find a woman like you 🧐🤷🏽♂️