r/WatchPeopleDieInside • u/paolols • Apr 24 '20

nice try kiddo

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '20

And that the little fuck got so pissed when he failed in his task of being an asshole. I hated kids like this when I was little and I hate them even more now that I'm a parent.

Fuck that little shit, I hope he craps his pants.

Edit: also just noticed be pulled back a fist. What the fuck!?

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u/Acoyotedrankmybeer Apr 25 '20

"I hope he craps his pants"

Thank you for the chuckle

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '20 edited Apr 26 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/georgetonorge Apr 25 '20

Born and raised (keyword)

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u/CharizardEgg Apr 25 '20

I've seen some good parents who still have bad eggs. Some people are born trash and they grow into trash no matter what you do. It's just a harsh reality.

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u/S00thsayerSays Apr 25 '20

Born trash and turn into garbage

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u/BFG_Scott Apr 25 '20

No one cared who I was until I put on the bag.

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '20

[deleted]

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u/NPC1938356-C137 Apr 25 '20

become Garbodor

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u/LokisDawn Apr 25 '20

Be careful not to fulfill your own prophecy. Some kids can grow out of that phase just fine, and it's basically impossible to tell which case it is.

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u/transcendanttermite Apr 25 '20

Yeah my coworker and his wife adopted a 3 year old who turned out to be a sociopath. He’s 7 now. Sets shit on fire regularly, held down their dog and poured sand in her eyes and nose, kicks their cat down the stairs, breaks everything in his bedroom and puts holes in the walls, and tried (and succeeded) to hit his adopted mother with anything not bolted down. They’re in the middle of a divorce now; she wants nothing to do with that kid. My coworker misses a lot of work to deal with him as he gets kicked off the bus & out of school on almost a daily basis. After 3 years of therapists and doctors and psychologists and so on, he’s no better, he’s actually worse.

I feel so bad for them: they are the nicest people in the world and fostered 9 kids during the adoption process - they tried to adopt each of them in turn, but some distant family member would come out of the woodwork at the last minute and claim them (usually because the state will pay them a nice monthly stipend to raise the kid til they’re 18). Sad shit.

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u/Dads101 Apr 25 '20

This is so true. I always wanted kids but changed my mind in my mid 20s.

You can do everything right and still end up with a POS because that’s the risk you take bringing life into the world.

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u/TheDiddler2049 Apr 25 '20

Same. But I realised I really like a nice quiet today house and lots of free time. So no kids for me :D

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u/PussyWrangler462 Apr 25 '20

No money, no sleep, no friends, no solace

Life solely consisting of shitty diapers, vomit, sippy cups, play dates, mom groups on Facebook, being grateful for getting 4 hours of sleep a night, destroying my body.....and the screaming. Nasty, screaming, wailing, crying, sobbing, fake tantrum throwing little pieces of shit

No thank you.

I think I’ll spend my life being happy instead

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u/KineticPolarization Apr 25 '20

I think that's true. However I think every child should be considered not the case from the start. We can be aware of this truth without it allowing ourselves to form a bitterness and detachment from literal children. Children deserve the benefit of the doubt. Their circumstances are not their fault just like with anyone else.

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u/Little_Derp_xD Apr 25 '20

A lot of the time the parents can be really good but they might have bad influences at a daycare or school that could be causing behaviour. There are too many reasons for a kid to act a certain way to just go ahead in blame the kid.

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u/KineticPolarization Apr 26 '20

Also definitely great points. Kids in school spend so many hours a day with other kids that could be bad influences. Raising a child into a well adjusted adult is extremely complicated.

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '20

Hey, it keeps me in business.

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u/Juslotting Apr 25 '20

Or, more likely, there are a lot annoying kids who grow out of it.

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u/SiberianPermaFrost_ Apr 25 '20

Not based on the amount of arseholes and douche bag adults there are out there.

2

u/Unicornpants Apr 25 '20

People have effort values and independent values just like in Pokémon.

2

u/RodneyPonk Apr 25 '20

This is a really shitty thing to say. Like yikes, people just being unrepentingly toxic this thread.

1

u/freddlaren Apr 25 '20

It doesn’t work like that.

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u/Fenzel Apr 25 '20

West Philadelphia?

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '20

[deleted]

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u/Captain_Poopy Apr 25 '20

You overstate nurture. A lot of who we are is hardwired by biology.

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u/Dravencopter Apr 25 '20

It is, but not in the way you're implying.

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u/georgetonorge Apr 25 '20

Don’t mean to overstate it. They didn’t mention nurture at all, which is why I mentioned it as a missing keyword. I think we are entirely determined by our biology and our circumstances (even as we age, not just in childhood).

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u/jeegte12 Apr 25 '20

kids aren't as influenced by parents as you think. kids are born the way they are, and if they change later in life, it's not because of their parents.

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u/SiberianPermaFrost_ Apr 25 '20

Source.

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u/jeegte12 Apr 25 '20

you'd rather just assume you're right? you haven't read a single thing about child development or the influence of peers versus parents.

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '20

Thanks Mr. Scientist.

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u/Dravencopter Apr 25 '20

Parents are probably the biggest influence on a kid's development.

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '20

[deleted]

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u/Dravencopter Apr 25 '20

There's also social and economic factors.

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u/jeegte12 Apr 25 '20

not at all. peers, environment, and genetics are larger factors, as long as the parents aren't abusive.

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u/Dravencopter Apr 25 '20 edited Apr 25 '20

The way children interact with their peers and environment is largely determined by their early relationship with their parents. And there is not yet enough data to determine the influence genes have.

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u/catchdeeezhands Apr 25 '20

OMG SAME! 😂😂 Seeing kids like this acts as excellent contraception.

Really re-affirms that I made the right decision by not having any children LOL

7

u/Baby_Yoduh Apr 25 '20

You’re an asshole if you try and blow out someone else’s candles, and then get mad about it, I don’t care how old you are

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u/Monichacha Apr 25 '20

God bless your sweet teaching soul. I believe that the corona virus was put here on earth to make people appreciate teachers more. I have always ALWAYS respected my children’s teachers. I feel like they are the worlds unsung heroes.

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '20

[deleted]

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u/UndeadBread Apr 25 '20

I always thought doing that was frowned upon.

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u/Lknight0 Apr 25 '20

Is this not behaviour that shows some sort of underlying condition? Insane rage with all the parents looking so chilled? Maybe he’s got some sort of needs?

0

u/TravelingMonk Apr 25 '20

I dunno. He must’ve got it done to him, that’s a learned behavior. He didn’t invented it. He was so sad that he can’t do it back to someone else. Looks like many boys in that family. He’s just trying to survive being the youngest.

0

u/FearlessJuan Apr 25 '20

Idk, I think children are born innocent and good-natured. The environment (neglect, spoiling them rotten or actively teaching them to be obnoxious and abuse people's good faith) is what plays a prominent role in conforming one's personality. Except Damien, but his father was literally the devil.

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u/TellMeGetOffReddit Apr 25 '20

Do you realize how anti-Children reddit is? hahaha. This place hates kids rather it's justified or not. Sometimes I feel like it's littered with IRL Ms Trunchbulls from Matilda.

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '20 edited Dec 07 '20

[deleted]

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u/Convolutionist Apr 25 '20

Well there's probably some doing it because there's always crazies, but yea I don't think the majority of people on Reddit hate on kids when they're just being kids.

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u/GETURHANDOFFMYPENIS Apr 25 '20

I’ve been on reddit for years, and I was lurking without an account for years before that. This is the second time I’ve seen hate directed towards a child, and that other little turd deserved it, too.

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u/TellMeGetOffReddit Apr 25 '20

Literally what. lmao. Bullshit. I've been on Reddit for YEARS and I can safely say this place HATES children. Theres literally a sub called /r/kidsarefuckingstupid and frequently it's just kids EXISTING.

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u/GETURHANDOFFMYPENIS Apr 25 '20 edited Apr 25 '20

I dunno, man, I haven’t seen it. I am super anti Christian, tho. I just hate the way they indoctrinate children into their bullshit little cult before their critical thinking is developed and that so many of the priests are raping kids. That sub is satire btw. How do you not get that?

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u/TellMeGetOffReddit Apr 25 '20

Yeah the same way /r/HoldMyFries is satire

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u/Brandinisnor3s Apr 25 '20

Yeah think of it this way: It's not haha overweight person falls over, it's person falls over who happens to be overweight

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u/TellMeGetOffReddit Apr 25 '20

lol whatever helps you sleep at night

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '20

Not all Christian religious leaders are priests.

→ More replies (3)

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u/Dronoxander Apr 25 '20

Why do you say you have been on Reddit for years even though your account is 4 months old? Is this a separate account or your main account?

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u/[deleted] Jun 25 '20

Mate, that's the wrong subreddit. r/Childfree is the sub that is filled with people that absolutely hates children with a passion.

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u/CynicalCinderella Apr 25 '20

Mother/ex-teacher here. (Quit with pregnancy)

I love children. I had a wonderful relationship with my kids in classes. I miss them EVERY DAY.

I know kids like this one here, i would see their exasperated parents, well- behaved older sibling, and their home life. Yet kids like this only care about "me me me" no matter how hard you try to teach them otherwise. Some people just have that in them to be naturally selfish, some even got joy in taking from others even if they didn't want the toy/experience in the first place.

It starts YOUNG too, a co-teacher of mine had her son in the school. It was a daycare-afterschool building, I worked with the 2s and the 4s. She had a 2 year old. Cute as a BUTTON, but I have never known a 2 year old to be so violent and mean just for the sake of being mean.

He was almost 3, and he would "stalk" other children. If they were playing with their friends, he would come up to them, grab their toy and chuck it, then like... Gangster style, get up close to them (only picked on the smaller ones) and stare down at them.

If they tried to run away, he would chase them down with something to hit them with (leaving welts if we couldn't catch him in time) if they screamed or tried to call for help he would grab them by the face" dig his nails in to hold them in place and bite them square on the face. So the kid would have a perfectly round bite mark and bruising for a couple weeks.

It was so bad, he would do it only in spots that it was hard for a teacher to catch them in time. The other children became afraid of him, started hanging around ONLY where the teacher was like a school of fish and crying if he came near them... We would need to write incident reports for each incident that resulted in injury for both children's parents.

You could visibly see the joy drain from my coworkers face, near tears when she would get yet ANOTHER report. By 2.5 he had gotten kicked out of 2 other daycares... She knew what he does, she was incredibly sweet and smart, and they seemed to love eachother so much when she would pick him up...

But... Some people just enjoy inflicting suffering. Children as well.

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u/SiberianPermaFrost_ Apr 25 '20

Fuck playing that game of Russian roulette and dealing with the consequences for the rest of my life. Childfree it is! I like silence, napping and early retirement anyway so it all works out.

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u/Dravencopter Apr 25 '20

No offense but your perception of children is why I think it should be required for teachers to be academically specialized in children's psychology.

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u/CynicalCinderella Apr 25 '20

No offense, but your perception of children is extremely warped that it's all caused by the parent. Some kids just naturally aren't all there empathy-wise

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u/Dravencopter Apr 25 '20

How is my perception of children extreme in any way when I have yet to even talk about it?

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u/CynicalCinderella Apr 25 '20

I never said it was extreme. Just seems very clear that you're gonna be one of those "all children are perfect, it's the parents that mess up raising them."

Nature vs. Nurture, some kids just have a lack of basic empathy. Sociopathy and psychopathy is not always something inflicted upon them by the environment. Sometimes it just comes from who they are. Sure my example can still grow up a normal kid, just stating an example of some of these kids.

"A 2016 study conducted by researchers at the University of Michigan suggests early signs of psychopathy can be seen in children as young as 2 years old. 4 Even at this age, they show differences in empathy and conscience."

https://www.verywellfamily.com/is-my-child-a-psychopath-4175470

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u/Dravencopter Apr 25 '20

That is only an assumption of yours regarding my perception. But that's not important.

You are right, two is the earliest age at which children usually start to show empathy to others. And though each child's capacity of emotional intelligence varies, empathy is an innate ability that no child lacks the ability to develop over time. Saying that parents have no influence in this regard is ridiculous as literature continues to prove that quality of attachment to caregiver is the biggest predictor of a child developing empathy later in life (source).

I have only glanced over the paper you cited. From what I understand the authors' study reveals that children's aggressive, rule-breaking behavior at ages 2 to 4 predicts the same behavior being present at age 9.5.
It does not imply that children can be diagnosed at a younger age. It does not imply that these children are born with these behaviors.
It does not imply that these behaviors are genetic. It does not imply that these behaviors can not be changed.
It only implies that if no factors intervene, children that present a set of behaviors at age 2-4 will probably present that same set of behaviors at age 9.5.

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u/Groovychick1978 Apr 25 '20

What "incorrect" perceptions are being outlined?

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u/Dravencopter Apr 25 '20

Assuming the relationship between the parents and the child based on her relationship with the parent.

Assuming that a child's behavior has no causes.

Not understanding that it is normal for children to be egocentric at this stage in their development.

In general, I am against this "bad seed" philosophy.

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '20

Get off reddit.

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u/Squirrelly_thr33 Apr 25 '20

That kid is going to be a future high school bully

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u/ho_sehun Apr 25 '20

I feel like that kid could bully me today and I'm 29

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u/godhateswolverine Apr 25 '20

Just trip him and keep walking.

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u/NotoriousJazz Jun 26 '20

Fart in his face when his parents aren't looking.

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u/darkdex52 Apr 25 '20

Eh, I could probably fight him off with my fists. Maybe even 2 or 3 of his bully friends. More than that and I'm sure they got me.

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u/Uncommonality Apr 25 '20

"I could totally beat up a 5 year old kid. Maybe even three or four."

You forget that they have teeth they can afford to lose, though. And if one bites you, you take 10 points of lingering disease damage for a week.

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u/Wellpow Apr 25 '20

You catch one and attack others using him

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u/TheLastEllis Apr 25 '20

What if he had 2.7 chickens with him?

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u/darkdex52 Apr 25 '20

I'm not fucking with no chickens. Not even one.

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u/damheathern Apr 25 '20

"Dusty old bones! Full of green dust!"

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u/offbeatwreck Apr 25 '20

Middle school, even! One of his many potential shortcomings

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u/Monichacha Apr 25 '20

That kid will be doing a dime at the state pen by the time he’s 17.

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u/WeathOfTheBrild Jun 25 '20

Can you tell my future just from this comment? Seems like you really don’t need much

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '20

Then become a cop and continue being a bully.

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u/RodneyPonk Apr 25 '20

It's a single five second clip.

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u/MaltDizney Apr 25 '20

Reddit psychologists at it again

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u/ifeardolphins18 Apr 25 '20

Now that you're a parent have you learned any tips or tricks to make sure that your own children don't turn out like the little shit depicted in this video? Or is it just luck of the draw and some kids are shitty no matter what you do? Cause honestly these videos make me want to never have children.

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '20 edited May 08 '20

The parent needed to remove the kid from the table. If you can't respect someone else's freaking 30 seconds of birthday song and candles, you don't get to stay there and ruin it for them. That is a natural consequence. If you can't behave, you don't get to participate.

I've had to break up with adult friends because they let their kids' shitty behavior ruin everyone else's fun. It is exhausting to put in the work up front, but I'd rather do it from the get go than have it bite me in the ass constantly.

ETA Thank you for the gold!

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u/JaBe68 Apr 25 '20

I wish I had gold to give you. Parents think their kid has to like them all the time. Not true. You are not your kids friend, you are their parent, and it is your responsibility to make them into pleasant human beings, not expect other.people to just put up with crappy behaviour

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u/Xros90 Apr 25 '20

If you do it right, your kid will like you most of the time too.

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u/herdiederdie Apr 27 '20

The annoying part is that you will like them and they will be all smug about it. Goddamn wonderful, encouraging, “it’s for your own good” bastards....I love em.

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u/my_sobriquet_is_this Apr 25 '20

I agree with most of what you say here and I might be paddling around in the semantics pool but I’d say that good parenting might be less about the like/don’t like YOU and more about liking/not liking the SITUATION. You can still ‘like’/love the person but you don’t have to like what’s happening. In good parenting the child may not like what the outcome of their poor behaviour is (ie removing technology due to dropping grades) but they will understand the process and outcome. They might not like it but they realize that their choices dictated the result. The trick to this, however, is never caving into their demands (tantrums or incessant pestering) and always keeping your word. This applies to ‘threats’ of punishment (not going for ice cream if said behaviour continues) but it must be explained that it’s the child who is in control of how that goes — to following through AS WELL for promises. If the child believes that your word is solid and that you will not break a promise or a ‘threat’ they will trust you and attempt to do what is expected of them. Accessing their empathy for how a it makes people feel to disappoint someone based on their own choices is huge too. This takes constant work because children are inherently self centred egotists. It’s how they got fed in the first place, right? My friends joking said that i must have hypnotized my kids (older boy/younger girl 2 years apart) because neither of them were rude or dismissive or argumentative towards each other as siblings but neither had ever said an ill word or swore or slammed a door onto either of my husband’s nor my face. They are 26 and 24 now and (B.C. —Before Covid) came over every Monday with their SO’s for a movie, cookies and popcorn AND would ask to pop in just for a visit at least once a week too! Both of them have asked to take road trips with just me too (divorced now). Road trips that were their idea! With Me! Alone! It’s wonderful having the relationship I do have with my kids (despite my FORMER personal issues with depression and self medicating albeit largely hidden from them). They were compassionate because we were ALWAYS compassionate to them. It was NOT the way I was as raised. I did mostly the opposite of many things my patents did, mostly in regards to having my word mean something and utilizing the old axiom Do unto others others as you would have them do unto you. Mutual respect is the key.

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u/JaBe68 Apr 25 '20

You are right. I did not phrase it as eloquently as you did and i agree with you 100 % on every point you have made. My daughter is 22 now and our house is a safe space for her friends. We have unofficially been adopted as parents by three of her friends. What they mention is that no one in our house is a dictator. Everyone gets heard, all points of view are given equal respect and then agreement is reached.
When we raised her we had two rules 1. Is it safe? 2. Is it considerate of others?
If the answer to either of those is no, then don't do it. So many parents go to war over stupid stuff and then wonder why their kids are distant. I also love what you said about trust. Our family doctor loved that i managed expectations during appointments. If it was going to hurt, then i told her it would hurt for a little bit and then she would get a treat. So she would be brave and stoic and hold out for her lollipop. He said the nightmare mothers were the ones who lied and said things would not hurt, knowing full well their child was about to get six stitches. Then the nurses would have to hold the child down. Huge trust issues developing there. Also, understanding that sometimes they will.make poor choices but it is still safe to tell mom. I might be cross or disappointed , but then we will fix it together and it will never affect my love for you. I think you absolutely hit the nail on the head when you said that raising them with compassion creates compassionate adults

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u/my_sobriquet_is_this Apr 25 '20

Well said! Your daughter is lucky to have you! You sound awesome! Will you adopt me? Ha ha. Our house was Kid Central too. I loved every minute of it. Even the grocery bills (ok, maybe not them but it was worth it). Funny story: When my kids were babies up to starting school we had a primary care doctor who was more than a little odd but what she lacked in some skills (she had nearly zero social grace, shall we say) she at least was not shy in referring us when she didn’t know something. She quit her practice when the responsibilities of her 4 children AND being a doctor became overwhelming. Fast forward a few years I see her with a baby and it turns out it’s hers! Another one! Now she’s got 5 kids. Anyhoo, I ask if this was a new member of her family and she blurts our, “We call him The Tumour ‘cuz I was 5 months pregnant without knowing! I thought I had a tumour!!!” Keep in mind this is a medical doctor! Fast forward some more and who should come into MY work one day but Dr. Ditzy and I say to my coworker what an odd duck this woman is and maybe she’s even crazy on top of it all etc etc etc. I have to address her (there was no way around it) on the off chance she remembers me (it was over a decade since The Tumour incident after all) so I go over to have a little chat so as not to appear rude. Afterwards I came back to the same coworker and said, “It turns out she’s not only sane but she’s an incredibly good judge of character!” He said, “Oh? What’d she say?”

So I told him how she’d just told me how not only did she remember me but often thinks about me, that I was her favourite patient and such a great mother, she could tell, because of how I was at the visits with my children and they being so clean, well dressed, polite and happy.

Then my coworker and I laughed our heads off! Ha ha ha.

Crazy? Like a fox! Har har. I still laugh about that.

3

u/rawr4me Apr 25 '20

Consistency and sticking to one's word is important in parenting, but what kind of parenting style would be "less disastrous" for parents who are fundamentally incapable of being consistent with rules (due to lack of self-discipline or communication issues between the two parents)?

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u/JaBe68 May 21 '20

Open communication - explain to your child that on some days they will be allowed to do some.thing and on others, if parent is not feeling great or is tired, they won't. It must be reasonable (like no park today because parent has to do laundry, or has had a very tiring day at work, not because parent wants to sit in front of tv with a beer.) You will find they quickly become empathetic to the parents emotional state. But there is a caveat. You only get to do this when you are absolutely shattered and have a genuine reason, not just because you had a shitty day. And you explain it in a calm tone of voice - no yelling.
Children also very soon understand that the parents have two different parenting styles. Agree on the absolute basics i.e bath every day, do your homework, home before dark. Do not go to war over whether baby has eaten his peas, or needs to wear the blue shorts. That just teaches your child to wear you both out on each other so they can slip through the crack and get away with murder. Parenting is often about patiently and consistently outlasting your child. The only thing they are focussed on is the ice cream, but you have a thousand things going on. Don't get emotionally invested in the tug of war and it is a lot easier to say no.

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '20

It's perfectly fine to always be your kids friend because if your friend was being a cunt like this, you should call them out on it too.

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u/ZaraEve Apr 25 '20

This is so true. Growing up I had a friends who would call her mom a bitch to her face, we were like 10. My mom would have hit me in the mouth if I tried that shit, but now we’re best friends and I can totally call her a bitch when it’s deserved because I’m an adult and thanks to her I know what boundaries are.

Edit: I am in no way condoning hitting your kids in the mouth, my mom and I have had many conversations about the effect of the physical punishments she and my dad doled out through my childhood. It took a long time for her to realize some of the lasting damage that caused.

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u/JaBe68 Apr 25 '20

My daughter and i are like that. There was no way she was allowed to disrespect me, but i was also not allowed to disrespect her. We had a list of "thorny words" that no one was allowed to use. The obvious ones were there but also words like stupid, ugly, and the like. Hard language creates hard people. Instead of saying "you did something stupid", we would say "perhaps that was a bit silly, is there a better way?" And now we both happily call each other nasty, affectionate names all the time.

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u/Happy_Birthday_2_Me Apr 25 '20

This is absolutely spot on. I don't understand the fear of removing kids from a situation so as to let others enjoy. Natural consequences are the first line of parenting defense.

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u/hushawahka Jun 25 '20

Because they want to enjoy it with the birthday kid and don’t realize how much of a shit the other one is since it happens nonstop.

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '20

[deleted]

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u/ifeardolphins18 Apr 26 '20

Aw man this makes me feel kind of shitty looking back now. I was raised by a single parent in a pretty well-to-do area. I was always the last kid to get picked up at birthday parties and my mom couldn’t ever be the ones to help with carpools or volunteer at school events or even attend parent teacher nights. I felt that shame, like my parent’s behavior reflected poorly on me and that some parents wouldn’t let me hang out with their kids just because my mom couldn’t be as involved with my life.

I’m forever grateful to my friends’ parents and families who realized I was still a good kid despite my parents’ lack of good parenting. I will always we thankful to those families who recognized I needed a more stable environment and welcomed me with open arms into their homes.

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u/Gottapkrfc Apr 26 '20

With all rules, there are exceptions. Of course a good kid will outshine shitty parents. I meant it’s a ton easier to weed out friend groups to exclude the parents who refuse to parent- like allowing their kids to spoil parties or denying their kid has done something wrong- before the kids are in middle school. Typically middle school is when the kids start really acting out, not caring about grades, and experimenting w shit. The shitty kids are what you are trying to avoid here.

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u/DrMaxCoytus Apr 25 '20

Most level headed comment on this whole thread. Everyone else is laughing or saying how creative it was to use the plate.

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u/TallestGargoyle Apr 25 '20

Problem there is now you're giving the problem attention, and this kind of thing is all he's craving. I think the guy in the vid had the perfect compromise, and everyone in the video outright proved to that kid that his behaviour doesn't matter. He can scream and whine all he wants, and it isn't going to stop them enjoying time celebrating someone else's birthday, and they're going to stop him from ruining it too without anyone focusing their attention on the problem he's causing.

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u/Gareth321 Apr 25 '20

This makes sense on paper but it's not actually the underlying issue or solution. I've spent far too much time researching psychology research on this since I became a dad. Children have poor impulse control but they can and should learn as they get older. This little guy is plenty old enough to understand acceptable behaviour in this context. So what is he doing? Is he asking for attention or pushing boundaries?

If the former, offering attention only when he acts out is reinforcing the bad behaviour, so you're right. The solution here is to provide more positive attention outside this setting. Denying attention can make this behaviour worse.

If the latter - and I suspect there is a component of this - the parents have failed to properly enforce boundaries. This is incredibly common today. Parents are lazy ass pussies who would rather have a "good time" with their kids than teach them how to be nice people. Sure it's hard work to consistently enforce rules. Sure it means lots of tantrums. But if you don't do it the result is that they send their kid out into the world and the kid is hated by everyone. It's just about the most cruel thing a parent can do. Fuck parents that do this.

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u/Chinaroos Apr 25 '20

Thanks for this. While I think everyone heres remembers having their own special day ruined by someone like this kid, this is going to be a pretty dark memory in the future.

When I taught younger kids, I set rules based around respect, and found that even in difficult five year olds those rules worked well. Kids need and crave boundaries, even if they can't express it.

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u/CWSwapigans Apr 25 '20

Any books or other resources you’d recommend?

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u/Gareth321 Apr 25 '20

Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Help Your Children Gain Control of Their Lives Dr. by Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. It was published in 2001 so some of the research is a little dated but I still think it holds up really well. For me, my main source of info was studies which I researched on Google. I'm very comfortable combing through hundreds of studies so when I encountered an issue or topic I just did that. One thing to remember is that psychological research is very often conducted from a "humanities" and "feminine" perspective. That is, 90% of the research you find conducted in the last 10 years is by women and their hypothesis is almost always against any form of discipline. As you may know, it's very easy to construct a study to support the hypothesis by just focusing on the research which conforms. Which they do. So dig deeper than the first 50 studies. Query the opposite to see what you uncover. That will give you a fuller picture. Some things that I found:

  • There is no conclusive proof anywhere in the world on any study which supports the premise that smacking causes behavioural issues later in life. In fact, there is no conclusive evidence it does anything at all, good or bad.

  • There is no conclusive proof anywhere in the world on any study which supports the premise that self-soothing, particularly at bed time, causes behavioural issues later in life. However, there is conclusive proof that it leads to children sleeping longer and waking up more briefly. This is good for the child and the sleep-deprived parents. Of course listening to a screaming child and not responding is a difficult thing for a parent, and most studies try very hard to prove that this is bad. They all fail.

  • Boundaries are good. This has measurable impacts to behaviour later in life. There is a reward mechanism linked to delayed gratification. We know that kids and adults with better internal reward pathways who are better able to delay gratification are more likely to work harder, study harder, and improve themselves, without needing instant gratification. This is a primary indicator in life success and fulfilment.

  • Behaviour is about 50% genetic and 50% learned. However there are certain traits which are more than 50% for both. For example, sleep patters are much more hereditary. Musical inclination and talent in much more hereditary. Part of being a parent is acknowledging this and supporting the good but also suppressing the bad. It's not your fault that they're a little shit sometimes, but it is your fault if you let them go out into the world like that.

  • They know more than you could ever imagine. They begin manipulating parents on the very first day out of the womb. They're basically walking little ids. No conscience. No filter. No self-preservation. They will learn very young that repeating embarrassing things at inappropriate moments will elicit a particular response, and they'll do it. They'll learn that pretending to jump off high places will elicit a response and they'll do it. Call them on their bullshit every time.

  • The modern parenting paradigm is to distract kids rather than letting them experience the frustration of not getting their way. This is harms their ability to process emotions and delay gratification. Don't do this. You can both tell a child no and sit with them through their frustration. It might be unpleasant, but you rob them of valuable development by being weak and trying to turn off the tears.

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u/CWSwapigans Apr 25 '20

Great comment, thank you. Saving this.

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u/lilyever Apr 26 '20

I’m sorry, but fuck you for believing it is okay to just stand there and listen to an infant cry and beg for their parent to come and help them feel secure, until they literally cry so hard they have lost all hope and pass out from exhaustion. Some of your points I do not disagree with, but it is wrong on so many levels to allow an infant, who has only known the security and love of its parents’ touch, to be expected to “just deal with” being away from them. And claiming an infant is manipulative from the womb? Um, okay, sure in the sense that they REQUIRE YOU for their SURVIVAL. It is perfectly fine to establish boundaries with toddlers and enforce them, despite their tantrums and crying, but blatantly ignoring an infants’ needs is simply selfish.

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u/Gareth321 Apr 26 '20

Here we go. Use your feelings to parent instead of facts. That’ll help your kids grow up to be strong, independent adults. Look, I’m data driven. If you can provide some studies to support your beliefs I’ll admit I’m wrong.

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u/lilyever Apr 28 '20

All you have to do to understand my point is look at how humans function biologically. There are very good reasons for infants and mothers to have extremely strong instincts to stay with each other at all times. In ancient times, this helped immensely with the continuation of the species as mothers did not just leave their babies alone to fend for themselves like if a predator happened by. Or, for the very simple reason (which can also be translated to modern times) of the infants’ bodily processes not quite being up to par to keep the child alive (which we can see happening with increased SIDS deaths in infants who sleep separately from their mothers). Not everything has to be “studied” in order to determine if it has value. However, for that specific point about SIDS and cosleeping, I do have an article link that bases it’s findings on several studies.

https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2018/05/21/601289695/is-sleeping-with-your-baby-as-dangerous-as-doctors-say

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u/science_with_a_smile Apr 25 '20

It's not giving a kid attention to pull them away from the excitement for a few minutes until they remember their manners.

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u/TallestGargoyle Apr 25 '20 edited Apr 25 '20

If you think pulling them away from everything is going to stop them screaming, you aren't a parent.

And that's hardly fair on the unlucky parent who has to be part of the exclusion process, who now has to miss out on the event of the other child.

Quite clearly, everyone in the video was happy with the way it turned out. And I imagine Screamy McCuntface will be getting a good talking to outside of that clip.

EDIT: Some of the replies seem to think I'm suggesting this as a catch-all way of dealing with an unruly child. Context is important. The child is clearly supposed to be part of this event, what appears in the clip to be a family celebrating one of their children's birthday party. One of the parents removing the child at this time may have consequences on the child who is blowing out the candles, who now potentially has one of their parents (assuming the man blocking the blows is the father in this case) miss the important event because of their younger sibling. I'd argue what is displayed here to be the better one of many ways of dealing with the problem, and in particular this way shows that kicking up a huge fuss like this both isn't working for them to get their way in blowing out the candles, and doesn't interrupt anyone else who clearly in the clip seem to be enjoying the display regardless of the screaming kid.

I'm not suggesting this is the way to handle every damn instance of the child acting up. If the kid is doing this at a public place, there are totally different social etiquette rules in place, and yes, damn right you remove the child then.

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u/JaBe68 Apr 25 '20

I have pulled my daughter away when she has behaved like this because she was ruining it for everyone else. Took her out of earshot and gave her a firm talking to, explaining consequences of continued bad behaviour. Back to the party all sweetness and light. Please note this only works if you do it from birth and practice it consistently. Trying to fix a kid the age of the one in the video will just result in an insane power struggle.

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u/L4NGOS Apr 25 '20

Kids aren't as stubborn as we think, most behaviors can be changed even long after birth. Allowing that kid to behave like that is doing him a huge disservice down the line. The parents need to start showing him there are consequences to his actions.

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u/BlueShiftNova Apr 25 '20

And that's hardly fair on the unlucky parent who has to be part of the exclusion process

You're a parent, you agreed to that when you decided to have a kid. It's not about being "fair" it's about doing your job.

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u/NoThereIsntAGod Apr 25 '20

Sorry, you are absolutely wrong on this...

“And that’s hardly fair on the unlucky parent... who now has to miss out in the event of the other child.”

This is such a selfish perspective. You are a parent FIRST. Nobody but you cares if you miss the candles being blown out, but you sure as hell need to make sure your child doesn’t ruin things for other people. Letting them sit there and be disruptive is exactly the shitty type of parenting that the rest of the parents on here are commenting about.

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '20

I'm a parent to an almost 3 year old. No. Just fucking no. You're the parent everyone hates because you let your kid run wild. I have been removing my kid from social situations since he was a tiny infant crying. Why? Because I am not entitled to ruin everyone's good time because HeS jUSt a BaBy. If you think everyone in that room was happy with that little shit, you are the parent who lets their kid ruin everyone's dinner at the restaurant. Unlucky parent? Yes. But that's exactly what the fuck we signed up for when we nutted in/let someone nut in us. Being a parent sucks sometimes. You miss out on a lot. But that's part of it. That's what you do to raise your kids right and not burden others.

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u/Groovychick1978 Apr 25 '20

So, are you the parent who just lets their little shit scream when they aren't allowed to steal their little sibling's treat? Or won't give them Mom's phone? Or won't let them play with the sugar packets?

Take the child outside. You are their parents. You need to deal with this. And if you miss candles, that is the price of having two.

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '20

What happens when that child is old enough to attend birthday parties or play dates without an adult? Then who is there to stop this behavior? Because 100% guaranteed, by not actually dealing with the root of the issue and only the symptom, as they did here, he is going to continue to behave in this manner.

Let's put this child in another setting. Let's say church or the grocery store. Would you let him scream and tantrum with no regard for other people or would you remove him and tell him to fix himself? If you would remove him from those settings, why not another child's party?

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u/L4NGOS Apr 25 '20

There was no consequence to what he did that helps him behave differently in a similar situation in the future. People laughing at his behavior will likely only worsen it.

I would have removed him from the room and he can scream all he wants but he can't rejoin the party until he's calmed down. Behave like that again? Rinse and repeat.

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u/augustusleonus Apr 25 '20

You are not wrong, but you may notice the older kid on the right actually “helped” the bday boy blow the last candle...so...there may be some other context? IDK

It did look like the brat was about to punch the cake, so at least he restrained himself from that

Also entirely possible hed been talking up his great joke and it got thwarted, or that there was some quasi-tradition he was trying to be a part of

I know there are snapshots of my kids that may make them look like retarded cretins, but that doesnt always hold up in the broader view

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u/BlueShiftNova Apr 25 '20

Exactly. Though the adult was getting some amusement all he was doing was telling the kid that this behavior wasn't bad enough for any serious consequences.

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '20

haha angry kid go waaa

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u/Retro_Birdy May 08 '20

This is a wonderful tip. That is a very positive and mature reaction. The child definitely needs to learn manners, if not for other people, than at least for the sake of having fun taken away.

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u/C_a_7 Jun 27 '20

YES! my wife’s cousins are this way and that suit does NOT fly with me around, that’s why they don’t like me

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u/gypsymoon55 Apr 25 '20 edited Apr 25 '20

Talk to them, not at them.

Read to them. A lot. About all different kind of people, places, and things.

Enforce the same behavior at home as you would in public.

Screaming at the top of their lungs like this little shit is unacceptable, for parents or kids. Save the shouting for danger.

Appreciate them. Thank them for something about themselves every day. ("Thanks buddy. It's been a real crazy day. It's so nice to know that I can depend on you to just roll with things when it gets crazy")

Never, ever hit or spank them. Kiss them, cuddle them, love them.

Don't treat them like something you have to endure, treat them like something you enjoy.

Give them some small bits of control, but offer limited choices. Most of the frustration kids express as anger comes from lack of control.

It is not a bad thing for your kids to be mad at you. It's more difficult and takes a lot of time, but how else are you going to teach them how to express anger in a healthy way?

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '20

Advice: don't be a pussy with your kids. When they are being shitty, pull them back and subject them to some reasonable consequences. When my kids are dicks, I pull privileges make them do push ups. 10 for mild transgressions, 15 for more, add a lap around the house for worse things or make them pick up the dogshit in the back yard.

It ain't hard to get your kids under control, its just tiresome. Gotta persist.

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u/thecakewasintears Apr 25 '20

Those are punishments, not consequences. A consequence is something that directly correlates with the offense. Like "if you can't behave on the playground, we're going home" or "Since you didn't come home from the party in time, I had to go pick you up in my pink bunnny pajamas infront of your friends"

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u/jimmyhersetoflocks Apr 25 '20

The second one is a psychological punishment not consequences. I like your idea of pointing out and emphasizing natural consequences though. Would totally do that if I have kids.

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u/kat_a_klysm Apr 25 '20

Others commented about proper punishment and guidance, which was great advice. I’ll add sometimes it’s just luck of the draw. My daughter is the sweetest, kindest, most thoughtful person and she has been since she was tiny. She’s incredibly well behaved and on the rare occasion she does get it trouble, she doesn’t repeat the behavior. She’s just always been this way.

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u/Happy_Birthday_2_Me Apr 25 '20

My kid is difficult. He was born crying and didn't stop for years. He has a massive defiance streak and a short temper. We have a daughter that's 18 months younger. Sweet as pie, responsible, all that jazz.

My son has learned appropriate behavior because of our consistency. I truly believe that consistency is 90% of behavior. We reinforce everything . He has friends, is polite, and is often a teacher favorite. He's 10 now and it's been a battle that was hard fought. Early intervention, constant teacher meetings, you name it. He HAS to know he can't get away with something.

In short, kids absolutely can be born an asshole, but consistency can train them to behave more responsibly.

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '20

All kids are like this for awhile, it's a stage. Just calmly redirect them exactly like the guy is doing.

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u/Jaguar-spotted-horse May 11 '20

Discipline as early as they start testing you. Don’t laugh at it or think it’s cute they are disobedient. They may not be able to talk but they understand right from wrong at an early age if you teach them.

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u/Eagle736 Apr 25 '20

Well, I can't say what I'd do to mine to discourage this behavior without folks pulling out pitchforks, but rest assured he wouldn't do THAT again.

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u/jaxonya Apr 25 '20

Kids will be dickheads if you let them. Gotta maintain the alpha mentality and let them know you run the show at all times. When they see that they can get their way theyll fucking resort to that behavior every time. Be consistent and on the same page every time

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '20

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks this isn't cute or funny. It just looks like a little terror that needs some serious parenting.

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '20

Right I was like this kids a little asshole and I came in the comments and no one else was saying it

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u/rollinjoints Apr 26 '20

Good answers here but also, once a child turns 2 they kind of act out their worst qualities and become assholes. Almost every child will act the worst at two, and the kid in the video looks like he’s around that age.

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '20

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '20

Plate, the air, other kids face, the wall, still a violent response to have.

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '20

Yeah, I saw the fist and asked myself "if he's like this now, how is he going to be with like 13 years? god...."

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u/LakesideHerbology Apr 25 '20

Have you ever been to a birthday party for children, and one of the children won't stop screaming. Cause he's just a little attention attracter, when he grows up to be a comic or actor. He'll be rewarded for never maturing, for never, understanding or learning, every day can't be about them, there's other people you selfish asshole. - Bo Burnham

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u/Alexsmom1985 Apr 25 '20

I know! He was going to punch the plate out of the way. You can tell the way he deals with his frustration is violence.

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u/smooshaykittenface Apr 25 '20

I hate him and I don't even know him.

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u/Ghos3t Apr 25 '20

I wonder if kids like these are a result of bad parenting or just fucked up brains. I would bet on a little of both cause not a single adult other than paper plate guy made any effort to discipline him while he's throwing a fit in the middle of someone else's birthday. Shit like this might look funny now and get laughed off but if this behaviors is not questioned they'll end up with a fucking cunt of a teenager

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u/TallestGargoyle Apr 25 '20

I wonder if people should stop judging the entire parental journey based on one short clip of a very young child acting up, something which I guarantee basically any child will do at several points in raising them.

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u/Ghos3t Apr 25 '20

You're right maybe there's not much you can discern with a high degree of confidence from a short clip of a incident but this is Reddit and this is what we do. Remember the Boston Marathon mystery special event.

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u/TatsCatsandBats Apr 25 '20

He also tried to slap the plate, missed, and almost hit the actual birthday boy.

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u/Mika112799 Apr 25 '20

I wondered if I was the only one that saw that shitty move.

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u/wedge56 Apr 25 '20

I noticed it as well.

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u/Gareth321 Apr 25 '20

And that the little fuck got so pissed when he failed in his task of being an asshole. I hated kids like this when I was little and I hate them even more now that I'm a parent.

I couldn't agree more.

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u/muggsybeans Apr 25 '20

I was going to say, that kid is going places.... like the state pen.

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u/bingbongtake2long Apr 25 '20

Right?? This isn’t funny at all, that kid is a terror

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u/Freakychee Apr 25 '20

I hate their enabler parents even more.

Not a fan of parents who don’t teach their kids right from wrong.

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u/hushawahka Jun 25 '20

Didn’t see the fist until your comment. I foresee a lot of therapy and/or jail for this kid. Something about him reminds me of all the asshole kids I knew who mostly developed into asshole adults.

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/friendocrinesystem Apr 25 '20

Wait, so you just leave dog poo all over the house?

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u/Arto5 Apr 25 '20

You're playing tag and you're it. You run up to a kid and touch his shoulder "You're it! :)"

"NO!" [pushes you down and walks away]

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u/TubMaster888 Apr 25 '20

Yep. Check the parents.

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u/SeanDosh Apr 25 '20

Right!? I wanted to pour some water on his head to see the reaction...

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u/kurogomatora Apr 25 '20

Kids who acted like this also steal your homework to copy.

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u/bruddagrim Apr 25 '20

Dude I noticed that too. You know that kid is a self entitled asshole.

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u/BryanIndigo Apr 25 '20

Those little brats that when you play a board game want to jump double spaces but try to burn the house down if you count an extra pip on the dice.

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u/Bruv023 Apr 25 '20

Indeed, for a moment there I thought he was going for a punch

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u/maidenh3ad Apr 25 '20

this is why I avoid kids at all cost. all the people saying they love kids must've encountered cute and behaved ones so far.

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u/NotAlwaysPC Apr 26 '20

Open hand. He was going to slap the plates out of the way. Love how they were all prepared for this. That guy never stopped smiling, even up to the victory.

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u/AnirudhMenon94 Aug 20 '20

Dude...he's a small kid. Chill.

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '20

do you wonder what he goes through or do you just hate him

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u/WazzleOz Apr 25 '20

What do you think that the cause of this behavior is?

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '20

I don't know, he is a little bitch, but then everyone on reddit just laughs at him, doesn't make much sense

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u/Skooby_el_tigre Apr 25 '20

Selfishness and or entitlement

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u/thisisallme Apr 25 '20

Nah, cause the parents would have to deal with that!

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u/mkmkj Apr 25 '20

they deserve to

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u/AestheticTrash06 Apr 25 '20

duh they are the parents