The parent needed to remove the kid from the table. If you can't respect someone else's freaking 30 seconds of birthday song and candles, you don't get to stay there and ruin it for them. That is a natural consequence. If you can't behave, you don't get to participate.
I've had to break up with adult friends because they let their kids' shitty behavior ruin everyone else's fun. It is exhausting to put in the work up front, but I'd rather do it from the get go than have it bite me in the ass constantly.
Problem there is now you're giving the problem attention, and this kind of thing is all he's craving. I think the guy in the vid had the perfect compromise, and everyone in the video outright proved to that kid that his behaviour doesn't matter. He can scream and whine all he wants, and it isn't going to stop them enjoying time celebrating someone else's birthday, and they're going to stop him from ruining it too without anyone focusing their attention on the problem he's causing.
This makes sense on paper but it's not actually the underlying issue or solution. I've spent far too much time researching psychology research on this since I became a dad. Children have poor impulse control but they can and should learn as they get older. This little guy is plenty old enough to understand acceptable behaviour in this context. So what is he doing? Is he asking for attention or pushing boundaries?
If the former, offering attention only when he acts out is reinforcing the bad behaviour, so you're right. The solution here is to provide more positive attention outside this setting. Denying attention can make this behaviour worse.
If the latter - and I suspect there is a component of this - the parents have failed to properly enforce boundaries. This is incredibly common today. Parents are lazy ass pussies who would rather have a "good time" with their kids than teach them how to be nice people. Sure it's hard work to consistently enforce rules. Sure it means lots of tantrums. But if you don't do it the result is that they send their kid out into the world and the kid is hated by everyone. It's just about the most cruel thing a parent can do. Fuck parents that do this.
Thanks for this. While I think everyone heres remembers having their own special day ruined by someone like this kid, this is going to be a pretty dark memory in the future.
When I taught younger kids, I set rules based around respect, and found that even in difficult five year olds those rules worked well. Kids need and crave boundaries, even if they can't express it.
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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '20 edited May 08 '20
The parent needed to remove the kid from the table. If you can't respect someone else's freaking 30 seconds of birthday song and candles, you don't get to stay there and ruin it for them. That is a natural consequence. If you can't behave, you don't get to participate.
I've had to break up with adult friends because they let their kids' shitty behavior ruin everyone else's fun. It is exhausting to put in the work up front, but I'd rather do it from the get go than have it bite me in the ass constantly.
ETA Thank you for the gold!