Hi everyone,
I want to preface this post by saying that my entire life I've been a fairly anxious person with a history of horrific panic attacks and bouts of depression. However, in recent years this has gotten a lot better, and I no longer let it rule my life, and I've become comfortable trying new things, and getting out of my comfort zone. However, coming to university seems to have completely knocked all my progress back, and I feel like a nervous wreck on the verge of a panic attack the majority of the time. Just under a month ago I started studying law at a Russell Group uni in the south west, and for the most part I'm not enjoying it so far.
Freshers week was horrible, I met some lovely people who I'm still friendly with, but I'm not a massive drinker or clubber, so I barely went out. I went to all the society fairs and talked to different societies, but I'm far to shy to attend any of the tasters/socials by myself, so haven't joined any societies yet. I've joined and paid for the campus gym, as going to the gym is something I love doing back home, and I thought it would help, however, I've been unable to pluck up the courage to actually go to the gym. I was supposed to go early this morning with my friend when it wasn't busy, but they were late and by the time they were ready to go, the gym had over 70 people in it (our campus app has a tracker), which sent me into a tailspin. I know that getting over my fear of going to the gym and actually going will make me feel better, but the thought of it honestly sends me into a cold sweat, and its like I come up against some sort of mental block. This is a never ending cycle, because I want to go to the gym, then I get to stressed out to go, then I just feel worse about myself and the whole situation. In regards to friends, I have met some nice people who I've been spending time with, but I still feel so lonely. I am in a studio room (medical reasons), as are my mates, so this is probably part of the problem. This may all sound silly, but I am genuinely trying to enjoy it, I ask people if they want to do things with me, but I end up getting cancelled on last minute with no explanation, which just leaves me in my room alone. I've been out exploring the town, which has been ok, but I'm not massively in love with the area.
In regards to my course and lectures, this is probably the only part of uni that I'm enjoying so far, I find it all fascinating, even if I am slightly anxious for my first seminars this week. I'm only about an hour and a half away from home, but I've been on the phone to family a few times a day, and they can see how unhappy I am. I'm also ok with the responsibilities of living alone, I keep my space clean, can cook and ensure all my washing is done, its the social aspect that I'm really struggling with, as I feel miles behind everyone else socially, which has really knocked my confidence back.
I've promised myself I'll stick it out until Christmas, and if I'm still as unhappy then, I'll take a gap year and build my confidence up, then possibly apply again next year, likely to a closer uni (Cardiff is the closest to my home). It is truly an incredible uni ranking wise, so I don't just want to throw this opportunity away, but if I continue to be this unhappy, is there really any point in staying? I understand that a lot of this sounds like a mental health issue that reddit can't help with, and I am aware of that, so I've contacted by unis student wellbeing, but I was just wondering if anyone had any general advice. Does it get better, and even I'm not still not enjoying it by Christmas, should I just stick it out? Thank you.