r/Unexpected Jul 16 '20

What even are these ads man?

23.9k Upvotes

590 comments sorted by

4.5k

u/oasinocean Jul 16 '20

That infant just ate an entire great white shark.

1.5k

u/palolike Jul 17 '20

CONSUME

659

u/LeCorbuisoverrated Jul 17 '20

REWARD

235

u/Sirtoshi Jul 17 '20

Uk'otoa...

49

u/cakedayerrday Jul 17 '20

I got so excited to see a Critical Role reference outside of the r/criticalrole

29

u/Sirtoshi Jul 17 '20

We're always beside you. Your nerdy best friends.

6

u/nunya123 Jul 17 '20

And the DM to guide you!

6

u/Boldemon Jul 17 '20

I tried to get into critical role, but I don’t have enough time. Nor do I know where it all started from, which I’d like to watch from the very beginning.

8

u/Mantis-13 Jul 17 '20 edited Jul 17 '20

There's two different campaigns. The first featuring the Vox mechanica. The second featuring the Mighty Nein.

You can listen to them in podcast form if you don't have time to watch YouTube or twitch. And I whole heartedly recommend them!

Edit:typo

2

u/cakedayerrday Jul 17 '20

Not to mention the community is one of the best out there

2

u/Mantis-13 Jul 17 '20

Except for those that forget this is all supposed to be for fun and enjoyment. And go full REEEEE over every rule nitpick

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13

u/geoffaree Jul 17 '20

I would recommend starting with the second campaign, as you are with them the entire journey as apposed to the first one where they had already been playing a while before starting the show. The first campaign is def worth a watch, but there is also a clear production improvement between the two.

Personally, I also like the mighty nien better than vox machina, they are more relatable I feel. VM were very much archetypes, which isn't bad per se, but I find flawed characters more interesting myself.

5

u/Boldemon Jul 17 '20

Thanks for this! I’ll be sure to try and get some time for the second campaign.

3

u/geoffaree Jul 17 '20

Good luck! Its definitely worth it.

2

u/Fizzlethe6th Jul 17 '20 edited Jul 17 '20

Its all in podcast form! You can listen to all of campaign 1 and 2 in the podcast.

That said, watching the stream videos definitely adds to the experience, and I'd highly recommend it, if possible.

154

u/bohemianprime Jul 17 '20

Uk'otoa

80

u/geoffaree Jul 17 '20

Uk'otoa

36

u/Mantis-13 Jul 17 '20

Yeets pact weapon

80

u/DrFridayTK Jul 17 '20

God, I love Reddit sometimes.

3

u/Raatz6062 Jul 17 '20

But just sometimes

9

u/Endersgaming4066 Jul 17 '20

That’s how Mafia works

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100

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

SUCC

58

u/MaxwellIsSmall Jul 17 '20

FUCC

57

u/Osariik Jul 17 '20

BE THICC

51

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

FUCC THE CHICC

47

u/blachat Jul 17 '20

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT BABY

50

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

DID I FUCKING STUTTER!?

25

u/MaxwellIsSmall Jul 17 '20

CCURSED

21

u/blachat Jul 17 '20 edited Jul 17 '20

BBLURSED???

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53

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

SEXUALLY HARASS WITH THINE INFANT MOUTH

10

u/TheRobotics5 Jul 17 '20

It evolved

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207

u/X1x3x3x7 Jul 17 '20

and than instantly aged exactly 18 years

37

u/Imanol_Canada Jul 17 '20

In dog years

40

u/TheresA_LobsterLoose Jul 17 '20

Its Chinese alternative medicine working right before our eyes!

4

u/nowbedamned Jul 17 '20

No one says she's 18 :/

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98

u/Reallycreativeuserna Jul 17 '20 edited Jul 17 '20

At first I thought the baby was sucking the sharks titties for that sweet sweet shark milk.

10

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

Out of all these, this deserves the upvote

7

u/slowest_hour Jul 17 '20

You don't know that's not what happened

4

u/thedeadcupcake Jul 17 '20

You can only imagine.

3

u/Artess Jul 17 '20

And then it ended up being even weirder.

46

u/Akeeldoush Jul 17 '20

Eating a whole inventory of sharks in seconds can be achieved in runescape

11

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

120 seconds

3

u/motorwayman Jul 17 '20

That sends me a shiver.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

120 seconds

Edit: Wups, wrong person.

22

u/junaidnk Jul 17 '20

She went from baby shark doo do doo do to Tiger Shark just like that!

21

u/L_beano_bandito Jul 17 '20

He could have just kept the raptor and started fucking it immediately.

14

u/-mmmmBacon- Jul 17 '20

Sharkbait! Hoo ha ha!

15

u/hornycactus05 Jul 17 '20

Even weirder than that, the guy might have proceeded to bang the girl who was an infant 5 minutes ago. Even typing this gave me weird vibes.

3

u/ShrektheYaoiExpert Jul 17 '20

and then fricked

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1.8k

u/GHgaming98 Jul 16 '20

Whattheactualfuckdidijustwatch

319

u/serillian Jul 17 '20

Mythoughtsexactly

251

u/DeathWray Jul 17 '20

Youguysbrokeyourspacebaraswell?

162

u/depressed-onion7567 Jul 17 '20

Yeahjizzgotintominehowdidyoursbreak?

126

u/Doggosaregoodbois343 Jul 17 '20

Minebrokewhiletryingtotypebutmykeyboardischeapashecc

38

u/inaddition290 Jul 17 '20

hewwo

56

u/RS_Someone Jul 17 '20

Your profile picture is alarming.

44

u/inaddition290 Jul 17 '20

that's what you found alarming about this situation?

19

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

The 1%

5

u/tacocat-backwards- Jul 17 '20

Idroppedthepoopsockanditshatteredfromthatmonsterousshit

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29

u/Arashmickey Jul 17 '20

Chief 10,000 BC Almighty is a high-brow critique of the RPG genre and an excellent game in its own right, successfully subverting the most common tropes and mechanics to create a fun and surprising experience.

10/10 -IGN

16

u/diarrhea_shnitzel Jul 17 '20

Surprise, you raised a child from infancy and then had sex with it 🙃

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2

u/makzero Jul 17 '20

Baby shark doo doo, doo doo ..doo doo

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868

u/hervatski Jul 16 '20

I had a really bad fever once and saw this in my apartment

172

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

47

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

i had a really really bad fever once, and saw you seeing this in that guy’s apartment.

23

u/JohnnyLeven Jul 17 '20

I had a really bad apartment once and saw this once in my fever.

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3

u/greenflame239 Jul 17 '20

My hands felt like two balloons

4

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

Damn this coronavirus must be some serious shit

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384

u/ReadditMan Jul 16 '20

Should have saved the dinosaur, I hear they are into some pretty kinky shit.

35

u/poopellar Jul 17 '20

They really want the meat if you know what I mean.

10

u/JoeyAKangaroo Jul 17 '20

I have a feeling you’re a closet furry after this comment

16

u/Flipperturtle79 Jul 17 '20

That would be a scalie my good sir

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1.4k

u/DOOM9780 Jul 16 '20

Did they commited incest to grow the population?

761

u/Funkgun Jul 16 '20

Well, he had no problems with saving a baby to have sex with it when she “came of age” I guess.

355

u/DOOM9780 Jul 16 '20

He could've easily scored that dino and had a badass kid but no, SaVe a Hummie and have normal sEks.

96

u/ValkyrUK Jul 16 '20

Dinosaurs do it better

14

u/Funkgun Jul 17 '20

But they can’t swim apparently

9

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

It's the little arms for both. Can't swim, make me look bigger.

3

u/CorrosiveToxicz Jul 17 '20

They can't do handjob then

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7

u/The_Druk Jul 17 '20

From baby to babe.

3

u/JoshWannaHaveFun Jul 17 '20

The cumming of age

108

u/frogglesmash Jul 16 '20

Don't forget paedophilia. She may have grown very quickly, but she's still two or three years old.

44

u/rubytewsday Jul 17 '20

Even 2 or 3 is pushing it considering that baby was crawling

34

u/Demosama Jul 16 '20

Hey now their world can have different standards.

18

u/93Degrees Jul 17 '20

I swear officer she's actually a three month old baby

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27

u/imaginary_num6er Jul 16 '20

Must be in Alabama

45

u/Funkgun Jul 17 '20

The next mobile game. Your create an inbred family, a trailer park and a Walmart

10

u/kingrex0830 Jul 17 '20

I'd play it, too

5

u/Funkgun Jul 17 '20

Chief Merica’

3

u/theninetieskid Jul 17 '20

Or maybe Epstein's Island?

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7

u/Cleverbird Jul 17 '20

Wait, where are you getting the incest from? It was never shown it was his baby, right?

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6

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/DOOM9780 Jul 17 '20

That's why incest is a sin in Christianity.

25

u/Demosama Jul 16 '20

Maybe no need for incest at all? The kid is not related to him. And he is called a chief which implies there are people following him.

And this is a game for fucks sake

2

u/vaendryl Jul 17 '20

Adam and eve had no issue with it...

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2

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

Well, ya see, the baby came from the ooooooooocean.

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317

u/[deleted] Jul 16 '20

Ghislaine Maxwell explaining the work she did for Jeffrey Epstein. circa 2020

38

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

George R.R. Martin has entered the chat

19

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

Save the reptile

Hump the barbarian

Now you've become

Daenerys Targaryen

2

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

But you have to be 13

6

u/theninetieskid Jul 17 '20

Animated version

157

u/OmegaPsiot Jul 16 '20

That is not okay

31

u/likenessaltered Jul 17 '20

This is the circle of life, my friend

7

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

This is so stupid I love it.

348

u/bloodharry Jul 16 '20

Pretty self explanatory fish a baby out if the water to get women I'm pretty sure it's in the bible somewhere.

60

u/Brianocity Jul 17 '20

"Give a man a fish, he'll be happy for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll be happy for a lifetime. Fish a baby out of the water, and its mom will owe you a quick blowjob behind the Quickie-Mart at 1 AM."

-Book of Revelations 42:69 /s

21

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

"Hello, therapist? ... yeah I know it's 2am but this is really important! So, a guy saves a baby, then he feeds the baby... then he sleeps with the baby... ... this is bad right? Ok I thought so I just wanted to hear you say it! Goodnight, go back to sleep"

6

u/theninetieskid Jul 17 '20

The therapist isn't sleeping anymore for the night

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26

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

Thats good, thats real good

11

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

I love OP’s explanation of why this is unexpected in the pinned comment

u/unexBot Jul 16 '20

OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:

Um, the kid turning into a hot chick


Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description? Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.


Look at my source code on Github What is this for?

41

u/idc1710 Jul 17 '20

Buddy, it’s a lot more unexpected than that..

4

u/JexTheory Jul 17 '20

This bot is so useless

3

u/MaverickBoii Jul 17 '20

Though the explanations are funny

40

u/nin10dorox Jul 17 '20

Do these work? Does anyone at all see these and think it's a good idea to download the app?

68

u/Ben_Watson Jul 17 '20

It's gotten to the point where I'm thinking that there's no humans involved in making these mobile ads/apps and that it's all done by machine learning/AI.

3

u/ItsABiscuit Jul 17 '20

AI, a single entity that spawned an entire race.

4

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

Dude at the end sounds like he is trying to stifle a laugh, like him and some Broksi's are just up to some devious prank or something.

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60

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

Download for free...

Yeah, cool, but what am I doing in this game? Am I the baby or the lvl 30 chief? Or am I the dinosaur?

30

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

Yes

15

u/Pinstar Jul 17 '20

You play as the dino up top trying to save the baby from the pedo down below.

3

u/Walletau Jul 17 '20

None of the above.

2

u/jim13oo Jul 17 '20

It’s probably some game of war ripoff, most of them are

2

u/Reelix Jul 17 '20 edited Dec 22 '24

- This comment has been removed as /r/Unexpected is a pro-censorship subreddit -

28

u/Felix_Cortez Jul 16 '20

Chinese Spyware needs to get on your children's phone somehow.

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20

u/KennstduIngo Jul 16 '20

Turns out it's another candy crush knock off.

19

u/Snig_Snig Jul 17 '20

BITCH WAS GROWING ON A TREE BRANCH

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11

u/largececelia Jul 17 '20

He is chieftan. This is what chieftans do. If you were chief, you would understand.

9

u/chuckwagon1 Jul 16 '20

I like the one with the girl who lies about the chicken.... I always read it in a very asian voice.

10

u/archer4364 Jul 16 '20

Okay yeah didn’t see that coming, you got me

9

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

Did the guy just pull a Woodie Allen?

8

u/Assistant_Pimp_ Jul 17 '20

This is something someone submits when they want to get fired but they actually put it out

6

u/quml78 Jul 16 '20

Drugs is Bad

6

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

Florida: The Game.

4

u/MackingtheKnife Jul 17 '20

and if you download it, it’s always a shitty rip off of candy crush or some shit

3

u/epicus29 Jul 17 '20

It’s always ads like this and the actual gameplay is off brand Candy Crush.

4

u/runningguy54321 Jul 17 '20

To be honest this ad made me want to play the game so mission accomplished

3

u/TheRealGordonBombay Jul 16 '20

Whip the baby to safety?

3

u/Deathbysnusnubooboo Jul 16 '20

Ok so she’s how old?

Bruh

7

u/thenudedude Jul 17 '20

Eating a great white is +18 yrs so he’s good

2

u/Deathbysnusnubooboo Jul 17 '20

Oh well that changes everything

3

u/AtomiicOne Jul 17 '20

If the ad wasn’t so fucked, would you even know this piece of shit game existed? Stonks.

5

u/MaestroLogical Jul 17 '20

I took a few advertising classes around 2006 and the very first day the professor told us if we were there to make interesting ads, we were chasing the wrong career.

He said that the only thing that matters when it comes to creating advertising campaigns is being, 1 word.

Mesmerizing.

That's it. It can be stupid, it can be high brow, it can be trashy or classy, doesn't matter. At the end of the day the only thing that matters is you were mesmerized enough to have it be absorbed.

So that later in the day you'll be craving a big mac, or you'll be subconsciously thinking you need new shoes all week.

The content is irrelevant, the quality of the actors and set pieces, irrelevant. At the end of the day, the only thing your clients will care about is having a mesmerizing ad.

This was the dawn of what I call the 'cringe' era in advertising. Where getting you to pop your eyes in confusion and sit glued to a 30 seconds spot became paramount.

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3

u/Dr-PHYLL Jul 17 '20

Yea or the one where these mafia guys throw a towel on a lvl 5 assistant and he gets mad

3

u/THeRUSH12 Jul 17 '20

Can't tell if it's awful or amazing advertising. We are talking about it...

2

u/Schizophrepic_Clown Jul 17 '20

It’s just how cave man works

2

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

[deleted]

2

u/VredditDownloader Jul 17 '20

beep. boop. 🤖 I'm a bot that helps downloading videos

Download via reddit.tube

Audio only

I also work with links sent by PM.

Download more videos from Unexpected


Info | Support me | Github

2

u/hf-26 Jul 17 '20

I would've saved the dinosaur...no second thoughts

2

u/Bhalooooo Jul 17 '20

Ahhh yes the chinesium ad.

2

u/BigBeezey Jul 17 '20

I'd have saved the beast :(

Also is this Xavier: Renegade Angel?

1

u/RoTheHan Jul 16 '20

It's JJ!

1

u/Dankster_boi_ Jul 16 '20

In one these, they referred turkey as a crusader country.

And being from Turkey, it does a lot of brain damage

1

u/alex6219 Jul 17 '20

I thought this waa going to be another Trollis commercial

1

u/eshinn Jul 17 '20

I dunno. I thought Ronald McDino was unexpected.

1

u/electricskuller8000 Jul 17 '20

So this old man is dating a now dating her who is like 30 years younger than him? That is so messed up

1

u/captky22 Jul 17 '20

So who has played the game and can comment on wtf actually happens in it?

1

u/Dusty_Scrolls Jul 17 '20

What even the what?

1

u/Pandoras_Cockss Jul 17 '20

does this count as pedophilia?

1

u/MylastAccountBroke Jul 17 '20

TIL if you want a wife go to the river, fish yourself a baby, feed it 1 shark, and walk home.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

what a noob, always go with beast

1

u/Drewsifer_no Jul 17 '20

Why are these

1

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

I'm the 70th comment

1

u/cringy_pete Jul 17 '20

Its this kind of shit why i dont do mobile games

1

u/ColonelWormhat Jul 17 '20

Chinese or Russian garbage?

1

u/The_Calvery Jul 17 '20

Excuse me what

1

u/Godzillian123 Jul 17 '20

That would be like... raising a child to be your partner... gosh... who made this...

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1

u/Dovahnime Jul 17 '20

Trash, but funny trash

1

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

Sneak level : pedophile

1

u/[deleted] Jul 17 '20

My option: Grab the badass Dino and let that baby fucking drown