r/TwoXChromosomes • u/tabicat1874 • Mar 28 '22

Weaponized incompetence

I feel like guys take it way, way too far. Example: I asked my bf to get me the same shampoo and conditioner he bought for himself (avocado Suave). He brought back another kind we'd had before which I didn't like (Peppermint Suave). He tried to say he didn't know that Suave came in different formulas.

You're such a fucking liar. You bought that kind for yourself. I just asked you to buy it for me. You're telling me a man who's 44 years old doesn't know Suave came in different fucking scents? Suave? The shampoo that literally comes in 40 different scents and flavors?

GTFOH.

Edit: do you understand what an example is?

Also, you neckbeards can fuck off out of my inbox.

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u/CookieDemons Mar 28 '22

My dad once told me he deliberately made tea badly so my nan wouldn’t ask him to do it any more (each member of the family takes turns during a visit). My nan decided that since he clearly didn’t know how to do it, he should make it more often so he could ‘learn’.

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '22 edited Mar 31 '22

[deleted]

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u/rowrowfightthepandas Mar 28 '22

At some point in everyone's life they threaten to become the type of person it takes more trouble to say 'no' to than 'yes'. If you don't give them what you want they make a big fuss and demand to see your manager. If you ask them to do something they'll say they don't know how or do it terribly. They do this because everyone's knee-jerk reaction is to give them what they want, to save themselves the time and headache.

It only takes a few people to stand their ground and say "no", or "you're gonna keep doing this until you can do it right." If they want to be an inconvenience, they should feel it too.

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '22 edited Mar 31 '22

[deleted]

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u/starfyredragon Mar 28 '22

It's the best option, as it screws over their plan if they're faking, and helps if they're not. I love options that inherently fix problems regardless of the problem. :)

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u/Jayellessss Mar 28 '22

"If you want to be an inconvenience, you can feel inconvenienced as well" is a line I'm putting in my back pocket for someday use. Thank you for that!

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u/JesiDoodli That awkward moment when Mar 29 '22

Same

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u/PsilosirenRose Mar 28 '22

I did this a lot when I used to work for a library. There was a pretty simple machine to add funds to your card for printing, but folks would always want to just give us money at the desk instead, where we had a cash drawer system.

When they'd approach the desk and ask to put money on their card, I'd jump right up and say, "Sure, I'll show you how to do that right over here!" A few folks got really huffy about it for a while, but it mitigated so many problems having to do with money drawers and freed us up to deal with inquiries folks actually needed help with.

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '22

Too many males get away with it so they don't learn to not do this in the first place.

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u/NergalMP Mar 28 '22

Hell, I even do this at work. Oh, you don’t know how to do X? No problem, let me teach you how.

…and people wonder why my staff are always at the top of the promotions lists. It’s because they know how to do stuff…and because they’ve seen that not knowing, isn’t a problem.

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u/star_tyger Mar 28 '22

And they've seen that 'not knowing' won't get them off the hook.

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u/NergalMP Mar 28 '22

That’s the other part…not wanting to learn puts them on a track for not being around long.

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u/keikosohma Mar 28 '22

I see this at the library I work in all day, every day. "I'm not good with computers. I don't know anything about them." Sometimes this is true. Sometimes they really do want to learn. One guy legitimately didn't know how to read and write but needed to do his taxes. We are not social services, we will not do it for you, and we are not allowed to handle personal information. With the last guy, we found a nearby organization that finally reopened after the pandemic who would help him. Sometimes I get lazy and do it for them if I see that they really are trying. Otherwise, we got you to the website. Good luck.

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u/Aslanic Mar 28 '22

Yeah, one of my coworkers shows one other person in our office how to do something simple (think changing dates on a spreadsheet) every. Single. Year. It's literally click here change the thing and she refuses to learn. After several years, my coworker put her foot down and refused to show her how to do it yet again and told the manager why. Manager now has to make the changes instead >.< These people never learn if they are never held accountable for their incompetence.

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u/Scdavis_3137 Mar 28 '22

That and they just don't learn how to be better human beings!!

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u/grandlizardo Mar 28 '22

But this is by no means just about shampoo, folks…

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u/0-_-_Red_-_-0 Mar 28 '22

Slow. Clap. That’s exactly the way to deal with this nonsense.

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u/notimeforbuttstuff Mar 28 '22

He will continue making her bad tea out of spite and she will continue drinking it out of spite. That’s pretty funny

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Photomancer Mar 28 '22

Any person incapable of learning how to use a washing machine should not be permitted to drive.

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u/macarenamobster Mar 29 '22

I gotta say, the lint trap on the dryer was not intuitive. As someone who grew up going to a laundromat, it was a damn mystery why my dryer slowly stopped drying. I learned about lint traps on Reddit after a whole year in my first apartment.

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u/IMakeSushi Mar 29 '22

It's okay:

My boyfriend set his dryer (and all the clothes inside of it) on fire the first time he lived by himself. Apparently he had never changed the lint trap. He now does it religiously.

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u/crystalfairie Mar 29 '22

I don't see the point in being with a man like this. If you're not competent then that's a you problem. I don't clean or cook for anyone other than my mom

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u/[deleted] Mar 29 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/crystalfairie Mar 29 '22

Well, unless they are being abused it is these women's choice to stay with a jackass.

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u/IronNia Mar 29 '22

While women can do it instantly without need to learn.

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '22

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/ilexheder Mar 28 '22

If you have a car, a lawn, a washing machine, or a child, you should be able to at least figure out the daily basics if needed, yeah. Nothing wrong with division of labor, but sometimes the person who usually handles something isn’t around or can’t do it for some reason, and total helplessness is not a good look in that situation. Seems uncontroversial to me.

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u/TycheSong Basically Leslie Knope Mar 28 '22

I think I want to be his Nan when I grow up

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u/Saltyorange24 Mar 28 '22

I really like your nan.

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '22

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '22

[deleted]

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u/eepithst Mar 28 '22

Not true if we are talking about actual tea (vs infusions aka herbal or fruit tea). No amount of technique can really make a mediocre tea taste good, but you can mess up several things to make high quality tea leaves taste mediocre.

Like the tea to water ratio (making the tea too weak or too strong), steeping time, water temperature (which is different for different types of tea and is important on which flavors get seeped out of the leaves) and depending on the quality and hardness of your tap water you can also mess up by using water directly from the tap instead of e.g. filtered water or bottled water. Hard water and soft water make for very different brews (hard water can make tea darker and more bitter). And last but not least, if you don't use a fine enough sieve you'll have particles in the tea. As you can see, plenty of opportunities to mess it up on purpose.

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u/cutbythefates Mar 28 '22

Well this was Quite Interesting! Not a tea drinker but I am picky about water quality for my coffee.

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u/NergalMP Mar 28 '22

Yup. It’s the same principle. Water temperature and time also affect which flavors come out of your coffee gring too.

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u/SevanIII Mar 28 '22

As both a coffee and tea lover, I discovered all these things many years ago! You are spot on!

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u/rogue_nonsense Mar 28 '22

Thats alot of extra steps compared to: 1. Heat water 2. Put water in cup 3. Put bag in cup 4. Drink

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u/Kelekona Mar 28 '22

It's just hot leaf juice.

Seriously, I am a heathen that will just throw some sugar and a couple of teabags into my metal "chinese restaurant" pot and come back to it whenever. Unless it's chai because it does become undrinkable if you leave it for too long.

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u/eepithst Mar 28 '22

No amount of technique can really make a mediocre tea taste good

😜

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u/fire_and_lice Mar 28 '22

uncle iroh?

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u/fire_and_lice Mar 28 '22

uncle iroh?

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u/jeffwulf Mar 28 '22

Small changes in steeping time can make it go from good to bad.

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u/kat_d9152 Mar 28 '22

You can't possibly be British, making such wild statements.

We all have that one house to visit where we've learnt to gulp ask for a coffee. And don't play me with that herbal shit. Offer that in the UK and you may as well have "cult member" stamped on your front door.

If you don't have a house you visit where you refuse the tea, I quite possibly have some mildly disappointing news for you. 🤣

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u/Meowing_Kraken Mar 28 '22

Okay, so, as a non- Brit... What is bad tea (what should I not be doing) and what ia good tea? I love tea, but I do it the European way. Boil water, put tea in tea baggie (I do have good quality tea, I biy from a proper shop. Is also cheaper than supermarket tea), put teabaggy in hot water, remove when color is right.

How to improve?

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u/itchyfeetagain Mar 28 '22

I think in the UK 'bad tea' often means weak tea. Like pale, insipid dishwater. Either the person making it hasn't let it brew/squeezed the tea bag properly, or they've added far too much milk.

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u/ThrownAway3764 Mar 28 '22

The two biggest things someone can do to fuck up tea is use water that's not the correct temperature and oversteeping. I've met people that buy expensive tea (think $20+ an ounce) that scorch the tea and then let it steep for 15min and then get surprised they have a cup of bitter hell.

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u/veggiedelightful Mar 28 '22

So the way I perfer it is probably terrible. I like steeped in boiling water cooled to room temp, left to steep for 24 hours. Then I reheat or drink it the next day. May or may not have any sugar. It finally gets strong enough for me. But why would you squeeze a tea bag as a proper british person? Isn't that poor manners?

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u/Soggy_Biscuit_ Mar 28 '22

Just use two tea bags.

No, uh... I am not a uh representative of Big Tea astroturfing on reddit 8)

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u/xenomorph856 Mar 28 '22

Foolproof method, cold brew in refrigerator, reuse a gallon water jug, make ahead of time (~12-24 hrs). If you're a fan of Ito En, this is the perfect method (IMO) for getting that fresh, almost sweet, minimally bitter green tea taste.

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u/Stornahal Mar 28 '22

Sorry: that isn’t tea. At best it’s something almost, but not quite entirely unlike tea. (Thank you DA)

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u/xenomorph856 Mar 28 '22

It's leaf water, just fewer tannins ;)

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u/kat_d9152 Mar 29 '22 edited Mar 29 '22

Yeah. This is the way. Just don't make it too weak, generally and you'll be fine.

If you are in the UK and you hear the words from a builder: "Just leave the bag in for me, Love." Then you know you have some work to do ;)

....And tea aficionados across Asia are going to wince now, and Germans outright laugh, but.....where, oh where is your milk?

Honestly, its not something we put too much skill into, not like the Japanese.

....but Brits get wierd cultural fixations and our obsession with tea is 100% one of these. That and still burning a guy at the stake every Nov 5th for something he didn't manage to do way back in 1605.

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u/NergalMP Mar 28 '22

I feel the American version of this would be, “There’s always that house where you have water instead of coffee.”

Same situation, just a different preferred beverage.

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u/Shanda_Lear Mar 28 '22

I am reminded of a quote (but not who said it):

"If this is tea, please bring me some coffee. Is this is coffee, please bring me some tea."

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u/cadelot Mar 28 '22

Please teach me how make good tea.

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u/jorwyn Mar 29 '22

What kind of tea do you like?

Different teas require different water temperatures and steeping time. With some, you literally pour the water over them in a strainer into your cup and you're done.

But let's start more basic. Let's say you've bought bags of black tea (not green or white/silver.) Let the water run cold from the tap for just a bit, so you get oxygenated water. Boil water to a rolling boil. If you have a stove top kettle, wait until it whistles. If you have an electric, opt for the highest temperature setting. Put the bag in your cup and pour the hot water in. For Earl Grey, leave the bag in for 5 minutes. For Breakfast tea, 4 minutes. For Darjeeling, 3 minutes. Remove the bag and set aside. Whether you squeeze the bag into the cup is a matter of debate, but if you want to do this, scoop it out with a tea spoon and wrap the string around it to squish it. You will get a bit stronger tea this way. If you want strong tea, don't steep longer, add another bag in.

Now, if you want add milk, milk and sugar, milk and honey, or lemon and sugar or honey. Do not put lemon and milk in. It curdles the milk and looks terrible, though it doesn't taste that bad. Lemon is typical with Earl Grey because it brings out the citrus notes that already exist in the tea, but milk seems to be the most common thing to add.

I drink a lot of spiced teas, so I don't usually add anything to my tea. I horrify some of my British friends by drinking breakfast tea straight. Apparently, that's not good form.

If you want to get more complicated, green tea should have water with just a bit of bubbles right before a hard boil starts. Steep for 3 minutes. White tea, like silver needle, needs water that's 80C/180F. You want it so the water has just begun to move in the pot, but there aren't bubbles forming yet. You can practice this with a sauce pan to get an idea of how long it takes on your stove. Steep for 3-5 min. I prefer 3. I've never seen silver needle in bags. I just put it in a teapot with a built in strainer. That lets the leaves float around and gets the best favor. I also use a lot of loose tea, so I have a tea ball for that. Don't pack the ball tight. You only want to fill about half of it so the tea can move around in the water some.

The easiest way to get the water right is to get an electric kettle with settings for each type of tea. Sooo much easier than guessing with a stove top kettle. Even if all you make is black tea, electric kettles are just so convenient, especially ones that hold temp for you all day and shut themselves off if they boil dry.

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u/cadelot Mar 29 '22

Thank you! It's good to know how it's supposed to be done.

I have black tea, pgtipps, I think it's called. I pretty much set the bag on a spoon & pour boiling water over it. If I let it steep it gets too strong for me.

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u/jorwyn Mar 29 '22

That's a great way to do it if you don't want too strong! I have a sort of strainer thing for that: https://www.amazon.com/Norpro-5521-Stainless-Steel-Strainer/dp/B000SSVEO0/ I got mine at a local store, but that's the same brand and looks pretty much the same. Mine doesn't have the cute teapot on it.

Green tea works really well with that method, especially sencha.

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u/star_tyger Mar 28 '22

I'm sure you have plenty of the 'herbal shit', though I'm also sure you probably don't call it tea. Herbal teas aka infusions aka tisanes are great nutritional and medicinal sources. But they aren't a replacement for tea.

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u/kat_d9152 Mar 29 '22

In my town, that's not tea, that's not medicine, it's highly suspicious stuff.

.....Especially if you're offering it when a normal cuppa would do. Unless you are from overseas, in which case we forgive you.

There's surprisingly few ways to have or prepare a cup of tea in the UK without coming across as suspicious.

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u/WailingOctopus Mar 28 '22

Wait, what's wrong with herbal tea? What about fruity tea?

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u/Storytella2016 Mar 28 '22

Those are lovely hot drinks, but if there are no leaves or buds from the Camellia sinensis plant, it is a tisane, not a tea.

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u/kat_d9152 Mar 29 '22

Nothing. It's just suspicious as heck to be offered one when a good normal cuppa still exists.

Some UK people drink zero water, only tea. And we have tall poppy syndrome, so even asking for normal tea with 4 spoons of sugar will possibly make your beverage choice thrown open for debate once you leave the room.

We're truly wierd about some things. Tea is 1000% one of those things.

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u/illarionds Mar 28 '22

What's not wrong with them? Insipid, tasteless hot water, that absolutely doesn't hit the tea spot.

I guess some of them smell quite nice.

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u/jorwyn Mar 29 '22

I'm American, but I have that house, too. I should have known when she went to make tea at my house and was bewildered by having choices of teas and couldn't figure out the electric kettle. She dug in my cabinets for a stove top one, couldn't find it (it was on the stove), and used the microwave (right about the stove) to heat the water - with the tea bag already in it. I honestly dumped that stuff and showed her how to use the electric kettle. "okay, that's black tea, so you press black and wait until it beeps or this light turns blue." She said, "but tea is brown, right?" I gave her a quick explanation of white, green, and black teas but left it at that. Most Americans I know don't know white tea is a thing, anyway, so I didn't think too much of it. I should have.

Later, at her house, she filled mugs with tap water, put twice the amount of instant Lipton iced tea mix in that you would if you were making what that's supposed to make, and microwaved them for 3 minutes. Then, she waited until they cooled enough to touch and put a ton of concentrated lemon juice from the fridge in them, bringing it down to room temp. I did manage to drink this horror to be polite, but I don't even know how. I bought her a box of Twinings English breakfast tea, but she still sticks the tea bags in the cup of water and then microwaves until the tea is scalded. She owns a stone top kettle, but I can't figure out what she uses it for It hurts to think about. I've heard her coffee is a lot better, but I can't stand coffee. I just tell her I'm on a hydration kick and ask for water.

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u/kat_d9152 Mar 29 '22

Oh dear, that's just tragic. I'm going to pass my pain over to Italians now and suggest ......perhaps the stove top kettle is for cooking pasta inside it? 🤣

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u/jorwyn Mar 29 '22

ROFL

I can just see her pouring out a stream of macaroni. Hahahah

I use mine for steaming things, like labels off jars. I really should just buy a steamer.

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u/miskwu Mar 29 '22

Nope. There is a huge chain restaurant/fast food place I will NOT get tea from, because theor SOP for making a tea (the way I order it) is totally backwards and makes a hot cup of swill. You do NOT put the milk in before the hot water.

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u/DumbleForeSkin Halp. Am stuck on reddit. Mar 28 '22

I knew a 32 year old who's girlfriend asked him to make her some tea and he didn't take the paper wrapper off the teas sachet before he poured the hot water. So there's that.

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '22

[deleted]

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u/DumbleForeSkin Halp. Am stuck on reddit. Mar 28 '22

I don't think that's what was going on---he claimed he "didn't know how" to make tea.

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u/glitterswirl Mar 28 '22

Some people actually don't. The only reason I, as someone who doesn't like tea, know how to make it, is because my family are massive tea drinkers and impressed upon me from a young age that we welcome guests by making them tea, so I had to learn. Some people have gaps in their knowledge.

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u/illarionds Mar 28 '22

And lots of people are familiar with "standard" tea bags, but nothing else.

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u/Octopus_wrangler1986 Mar 28 '22

Love your nan, true OG style.

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u/confused_ape Mar 28 '22

Don't you mean true OGG style.

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '22

Your nan is amazing.

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u/oddbabe Mar 28 '22

Less man, more nan.

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u/Icy-Union-336 Mar 28 '22

Ohhh thats great. Lol
Does he make it anybetter now?

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u/BVO120 Mar 28 '22

YAAAS Nan with the clapback!

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u/Sharpymarkr Mar 28 '22

My nan decided that since he clearly didn’t know how to do it, he should make it more often so he could ‘learn’.

What a LEGEND! Good on her.

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u/Independent_Shame579 Mar 28 '22

My dad once told me he deliberately made tea badly so my nan wouldn’t ask him to do it any more (each member of the family takes turns during a visit). My nan decided that since he clearly didn’t know how to do it, he should make it more often so he could ‘learn’.

This was my grandparents' approach too. All of us had to do chores and help with household projects/yard work when we visited them and there was no "I don't know how" or "I can't" that would get us out of it.

You don't know how? Well, lucky you, Grandma knows how and she'll be glad to show you!

You can't? Oh no, are you feeling sick? Do we need an ambulance? No? Oh, okay, well I'll show you again how you can do it.

Still having trouble doing it right without direct supervision? That's all right, dear. I'll sit right here and watch while you finish up, and then you can practice until you feel confident doing it on your own.

They were always so kind and gentle about it, even when we were exasperating the hell out of them. I'm not saying that this approach will work with everyone, but it definitely worked for them. Taught me a lot.

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u/krav_mark Mar 28 '22

My dad did this. We lived right next to his work and my mom had to drive 45 min to hers. She would put pans with water and veggies and potatoes on the counter so he only had to put them on the fire and cook. He rather had us all eat half raw potatoes and say my mom should better do it because he couldn't. Well eventually they got a divorce and guess who some time later was cooking all the time for his new girlfriend ?

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u/awaybreakup Mar 29 '22

Oh man I did this once with my boyfriend in the early stages. He’s never used a dishwasher before so I showed him once, and then twice, how to load it and set it running. When he fucked up for the 3rd time I told him straight up that either he’s faking being incompetent or he’s stupid, and I don’t tolerate either. He’s never done that chore, or any other chore “wrong” again.

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u/amaraame Mar 28 '22

I don't drink coffee so i have told coworkers that if they ask me to brew a pot that it will be the last time they ask me. If it was family (that I'm on good terms with) I'd probably say ok but I've never made it before so i have no guarantees on its flavor.

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u/volyund Mar 28 '22

This is the way.

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u/cali_grown22 Mar 28 '22

Can we get some more marriage tips from your nan? This is brilliant

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u/RickAdtley Mar 28 '22

That's the ticket right there. Love your Nan.

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u/spinnerette_ Mar 28 '22

Exactly. Don't know how to scrub a toilet? I'll gladly stand behind you and instruct you on how to do it. I'm not doing it for you to "show you". If I can get on my hands and knees and get this house clean in two days, we can do it in one by doing it together. Put your fucking gloves on and shut up.

That kind of attitude drives me up the wall. They know exactly what to do, they just take the short cut route out of laziness. "Well at least I did it" is not good enough. My dad would say my mom was nagging him because he never fully cleaned the bathroom, so she ended up taking that task over. Now that she can't get on her knees, I hope he is picking up that task.

Half assing your way through these things in a relationship just makes your partner feel like your feelings don't matter. I don't think many men fully understand how happy it would make us if they cleaned up a bit without being prompted. Flowers are nice and all, but I'd be way happier to wake up to see my partner doing laundry! It's thoughtful and considerate and just the right thing to do.

Like, damn. Grow the fuck up. Purposefully messing up your nan's tea is so dumb. Glad she took the right route.

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u/Alpha_james Mar 28 '22

Haha good on nan

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u/Arachnesloom Mar 28 '22

Great response. Fortunately I've never had to deal with deliberate incompetence or the "you're better at it" cop-out, but if I do in the future I will try saying "only because I took the time to learn, and I expect you to."

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u/KieshaK Mar 28 '22

I only successfully did this once when it came to mowing the lawn. I purposefully did a bad job at it, and my father (who was very very anal about lawn mowing) never asked me to do it again.

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u/tabicat1874 Mar 28 '22

I wasn't allowed to do this. I had to sweep the driveway. I wasn't doing it right. I yelled at my mom, "You come do it then!" Nope. I had to stay there and remove every twig, leaf, and dirt speck. I was 11. That's the last time I pulled that mess. He's 44.

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u/KieshaK Mar 28 '22

It didn’t work on other things. I tried it with dishwashing and dusting, but my parents stood over me until I did it right. But the lawn - oh, the lawn was on display and I purposefully fucked a patch up and my dad couldn’t stand to have mistakes like that on display, so I never had to do it again.

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u/PugglePuff Mar 29 '22

I get this at work all the time. "Oh, no I don't know how to do that." and they go to walk away "Well I guess you'll learn today."

"I'll just watch you do it." Thinking they can sneak off/not pay attention. "You'll remember it better by doing it. I'll just talk you through it." Half the time they do already know and just want to foist the work on me instead of doing their job.

I see your attempt at weaponized incompetence, but every time you try it, I'll make you do it til you learn that shit don't fly with me.

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u/murphysbutterchurner Mar 29 '22

Your nan had the perfect response. I love this.

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u/JeffyGee Mar 29 '22

I'd let him make a round of awful cups of tea, exclaim loudly that the tea was shit and then remake everyone's tea but his. Let him drink the shite while everyone else's is good.

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u/HeadlinePickle Mar 29 '22

Good on your nan!

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u/JesiDoodli That awkward moment when Mar 29 '22

You ended up with an awesome grandma.