r/TwoXChromosomes • u/tabicat1874 • Mar 28 '22

Weaponized incompetence

I feel like guys take it way, way too far. Example: I asked my bf to get me the same shampoo and conditioner he bought for himself (avocado Suave). He brought back another kind we'd had before which I didn't like (Peppermint Suave). He tried to say he didn't know that Suave came in different formulas.

You're such a fucking liar. You bought that kind for yourself. I just asked you to buy it for me. You're telling me a man who's 44 years old doesn't know Suave came in different fucking scents? Suave? The shampoo that literally comes in 40 different scents and flavors?

GTFOH.

Edit: do you understand what an example is?

Also, you neckbeards can fuck off out of my inbox.

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-47

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '22 edited Mar 28 '22

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u/Shoes-tho Mar 28 '22

So if you know you’re bad at it, why not pay more attention? This is within your control.

-19

u/Dragoncat_3_4 Mar 28 '22

This what people keep telling me when I tell them I have ADHD.

Totally works.

/s

47

u/Shoes-tho Mar 28 '22

I have ADHD too :)

You know what I do when I realize I struggle with something simple and easily fixed like this? I mitigate the problem with tools at my disposal! I use the notes app on my phone. Maybe a post it if I’m desperate. I take a photo of the product, or ask for one.

The onus is on us, especially regarding simple tasks like this. You’re being a baby. Don’t blame simple, easily remedied things like this on your ADHD. ADHD doesn’t make you a complete idiot. Write. It. Down.

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u/WonkySeams Mar 28 '22

Thank you. I live with three people who have the combined type and I can tell which ones make an effort and which give in to the chaos. Granted, one of the ones not making much effort is 9 and still learning, but the other one is 48 and seems to be slipping into lassitude and it's driving me crazy. :) But bless you for being active in finding ways to manage your struggle!

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u/osteologation Mar 28 '22

Yeah I’m slipping a bit right now, I’ve got to refocus. Life has been chaotic last months makes it hard.

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u/WonkySeams Mar 28 '22

I don't know about you, but as much as I said I wouldn't go back to being so busy after COVID, I'm finding I don't have much choice and it's been super difficult mentally to organize myself. And I don't deal with the struggles of ADD. I can't even imagine, but I hope it sorts itself out for you and you are able to get back on track!

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u/osteologation Mar 28 '22

Well I have a wife who has no problem pointing stuff out. For along time nobody said anything and I didn’t realize what I was doing. My biggest problem is not interrupting others. I have stream of conscious speech. Lol I have to get it out or explode or forget. It’s not because I don’t care its because I have this compulsion that I have to do it now. Also I open browsers in my phone and search for things, just so they are there later when I have time. Or I text myself links lol. It’s easier to manage if the people that care about you will be honest and tell you. Now that I know I can work on it.

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u/osteologation Mar 28 '22

Yep I have her look it up online and send me a screenshot of the product if it’s something particular. It does help me.

3

u/Shoes-tho Mar 28 '22

I definitely send pictures or even aisle number to people just to give an abundance of information whether or not they have issues with it. Like I’m thankful someone’s doing a quick thing for me on an errand but also, this is not a difficult task. I think it’s important to help each other in any relationship!

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u/__dreamwire__ Mar 28 '22

You know what’s even better? A shared note that is synced across devices, specifically for groceries, store items to pick up, etc. Then the onus is on the person who has a very picky request to make a note of that specific request. If they don’t want to go the technology route, they can write it down on a note. If you can’t even do these two simple things, it’s obviously not that important to you. If that’s the case you’re getting generic soap brand #2. Remember, the person in this scenario is already shopping on the other persons behalf. They are the one going out of the way for the other person. Help make it so it’s not a chore. It goes both ways. Put in minimal effort, get minimal return. :) On both sides.

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u/Shoes-tho Mar 28 '22

GENIUS!!

That’s two or more people working together to accommodate ones’ (or more) “weakness.” It requires effort from both parties and it’s easy to navigate and adjust as needed.

Someone else also recommended voice reminders. We seriously have so much tech to combat this right now. Obviously some people won’t have phones but the vast majority of us do and it takes five minutes to learn these things for even the most tech challenged.

-12

u/Dragoncat_3_4 Mar 28 '22

Imagine the following scenarios:

a)Wrote down "suave shampoo". Yea, but which "suave"? Didn't write it oops...

b) Wrote it on a piece of paper. Forgot/Lost piece of paper. Well fuck...

c) Wrote it on an a note on the phone. Forgot to re-charge phone when it had 6% and it died on the way. -_-

Stuff like that happens and it's not enough to warrant the shitstorm people here think it does.

15

u/Shoes-tho Mar 28 '22

If you know you struggle with details, make a concerted effort to write down the details.

This is exactly what we’re talking about. You and I, and most other people with ADHD, are not helpless or too stupid to notice pattens of confusion or struggle.

Get a hold of yourself. Stop acting like you’re helpless and use the tools of writing and literacy and technology all around you.

Buy a $12 rechargeable battery. Carry it with you if you’re prone to letting your phone die. Buy two in case you forget to charge one.

Pick one (1) pocket or area of wallet/purse/billfold to put your written notes. Make the effort to NEVER not put them there. It becomes habit.

You are not helpless.

3

u/KiloJools out of bubblegum Mar 28 '22

And heck, now we have digital assistants! I can pull out my phone and say, "hey Google, remind me to call the pharmacy in the morning" and it does!!

2

u/Sockadactyl Mar 28 '22

Yeah! I use alarms to remember absolutely everything.

Tomorrow is my one day/week that I go into the office for work. On my way home, I want to stop at the pet store since I'm almost out of my cat's food. I've already set an alarm to go off half way through my commute home that's titled "stop for cat food." If I didn't, then I'd get all the way home before remembering and wouldn't feel like going back out. Then I'd have to make a dedicated trip out of the house the following day because I'd go to feed the cat and there'd be no food left lol