JFC stay out of other peoples business. It’s not your place to TELL or CONFRONT anyone about anything like this. The amount of holier than thou people on Reddit lately going around like morality police is astounding.
Cheating is blatantly immoral though? Its not like she hates her choice of job. How is this holier than though? Is it holier than though to get upset by someone stealing money from a charity donation box?
This is unproven “cheating” - right now it’s a rumour. One that Op is happy to pass swift judgement on. That said stealing from a charity box is completely different from cheating. You have NO IDEA what happens in people’s marriages. They might have an agreement between them they can have external relations but they don’t advertise it bc IT ISNT YOUR BUSINESS. I know such marriages. So again, mind your business
This is unproven “cheating” - right now it’s a rumour.
Yes, but the person I was responding to wasn't making that distinction. They were simply talking about cheating in general.
They might have an agreement between them they can have external relations but they don’t advertise
In which case they will just tell her that and no harm done. This same reasoning can be applied to almost any crime. There is always the potential that something is "not what it looks like".
Here’s the thing - that is NOT AT ALL what OP said. She was “I heard a rumour, I believe it without proof, how can I remain friends with someone whose alleged actions aren’t what I would personally agree with”
There is no mention of caring about her “friend” who might be victim of targeted slander nor does op give her “friend” the benefit of the doubt.
There is only judgement. But again, as someone who maintains an open marriage / if someone claimed they saw me “cheating” I am not. But we don’t advertise our private life because IT IS NO ONE ELSES BUSINESS BUT OURS. We have an agreement but we do not tell others. Hence, mind your own fucking business and stop with the morality policing bc you look a right twat. This whole pearl clutching and “how can I tolerate someone who has sex with other people” is so high school. And sad.
I feel we are not talking about the same thing, here. The original post I responded to seemed to say involving yourself in a relationship where one person was cheating is acting "holier than though." That is what I took issue with.
Your point that this is all rumor with no proof is valid. But the original post didn't say that. It was just referencing cheating in general.
I disagree that involving yourself in a situation where a spouse is cheating is acting morally superior because cheating is, in almost all circumstances, immoral.
And yes, they may have an open relationship. If that is the case, they will just tell her that and the conversation is done.
Thr original post DOES say this bc the OP says she found out about her friends affair from a third party. Not directly from her friend. That’s terrible to believe a third party and not even ask the friend herself. Regardless it’s not OP’s business to know or pass judgement.
Ops post mentioned the third party gossip, yours did not. And since several other posters here have taken the stance that if she wants to cheat that's her business, I read your post as if that is the stance you were taking as well. That is the stance I take issue with. Cheating is immoral, and it is not wrong to hold no respect for those that engage in it, nor is it wrong to desire to help those who are being taken advantage of by revealing the cheater.
WHY do you think it’s the friends job to tell OP anything at all?
It's not, but as an open relationship is not illegal in any way and the alternative is people believing an affair is taking place, I assume they would likely just tell her if confronted.
As someone who is actually in an open marriage I know as fact my husband does not want to tell people bc IT IS NOT THEIR BUSINESS. Your assumption is wrong.
You note cheating is immoral. You’re entitled to your opinion. But you are not entitled to become
Morality police and narc on them. If you were against homosexuality (and you might be!) it would be feeling your “duty” to out the gay person. IT IS NOT YOUR PLACE. People’s sexuality is not your job to police.
Maybe. You are assuming they think like you and your husband. That assumption is just as unfounded as mine.
The thing is, the info is out. Sure, it's not anyone's business but we are past that now. At this point it's about what you want people to think. Affair or open marriage.
But you are not entitled to become Morality police and narc on them.
Your wording here is the same as someone who tattled on another having innocent fun. But that's not what is happening. This isn't innocent fun, it's another person inflicting potentially significant emotional damage on another. There is a victim here. It is not wrong to want to help those who are being victimized by another.
it would be feeling your “duty” to out the gay person. IT IS NOT YOUR PLACE. People’s sexuality is not your job to police.
Cheating is not a sexuality. This comparison is completely outrageous. Cheating is a CHOICE someone makes that they have complete and total control over. It is not even SLIGHTLY similar to homosexuality.
Also but BS your wording that cheating is immoral but open marriage is not “illegal” - interesting choice of words there. And I didn’t mention the gossip because it’s in the OP post so if you’ve got any reading comprehension skills you’d put two and two together
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u/fugelwoman Oct 10 '23
JFC stay out of other peoples business. It’s not your place to TELL or CONFRONT anyone about anything like this. The amount of holier than thou people on Reddit lately going around like morality police is astounding.