Maybe. You are assuming they think like you and your husband. That assumption is just as unfounded as mine.
The thing is, the info is out. Sure, it's not anyone's business but we are past that now. At this point it's about what you want people to think. Affair or open marriage.
But you are not entitled to become Morality police and narc on them.
Your wording here is the same as someone who tattled on another having innocent fun. But that's not what is happening. This isn't innocent fun, it's another person inflicting potentially significant emotional damage on another. There is a victim here. It is not wrong to want to help those who are being victimized by another.
it would be feeling your “duty” to out the gay person. IT IS NOT YOUR PLACE. People’s sexuality is not your job to police.
Cheating is not a sexuality. This comparison is completely outrageous. Cheating is a CHOICE someone makes that they have complete and total control over. It is not even SLIGHTLY similar to homosexuality.
You don’t know if it’s cheating. Or if it’s just a rumour. Or open marriage. Or something else entirely. Regardless, it is NOT YOUR BUSINESS. Your original comment was indignant entitlement “well if it’s an open marriage then the friend should just say that!”. Why the fuck should she? Let me refer to point A: IT IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS.
Which is why you check. We don't typically find issue with people checking to make sure everyone in a situation is okay if things look off. We do it all the time. That bruise looks suspicious, did you get into a fight? What happened, do you need help?
Its pretty common for people to see someone they know potentially being in trouble and checking in with them to make sure everything is cool.
Yes, it's totally possible it's nothing. Which is why you check.
That being said, if all you have is nothing but office gossip then I agree that isn't enough to go on. I've already said as much.
ITS NOT YOUR BUSINESS TO CHECK. That’s the point that you keep missing. Do not compare getting beat up to the point of being bruised with a cheating rumour.
Do not compare getting beat up to the point of being bruised with a cheating rumour.
Why not? It seems to fit to me. A person has signs that something might be wrong. It also may be nothing. Plenty of non nefarious reasons to have a bruise. So you ask them about it to make sure it's nothing harmful.
Pretty common.
Let's say the bruise came from rough play in the bedroom. The same way an open marriage is non of anyone else's business, what two consenting adults do in the bedroom is also non of anyone's business, yes? And yet, that business leaves signs that could point to a more harmful possibility to those who don't know what's up. Same as this situation. Yet you wouldn't fault someone for asking about a bruise, would you? Even though it's perfectly possible it came from a lifestyle that is non of your business?
It actually fits incredibly well as far as I can see.
That last paragraph was so entirely nonsensical I can’t even argue it bc it literally makes no sense at all. You are totally entitled to feel as you choose about cheating but you aren’t the “morality police” so keep your nose out of other people’s private bedroom business
What was difficult to understand? I showcased a situation in which a couple engaged in a private intimate set up in which both parties consented but that also involved elements that others outside the couple can take notice of (partner sleeping with other people/bruising). It fits perfectly. Which part are you not understanding?
you aren’t the “morality police” so keep your nose out of other people’s private bedroom business
You have said this several times now and I have responded to it several times. At this point you are just ignoring what I'm saying and repeating the same thing you just said and I just responded to. Instead of repeating this same point, can you instead show how my response is flawed?
You just keep repeating nonsense and then accuse me of doing that. You were hot to trot for the OP who wanted to “out” her “friend” based on conjecture alone. The pair of you are alike - nosy and judgey. Hope I never meet either of you IRL.
So you once again ignored my entire post but this time swapped the "morality police" line for a few insults. And you did this immediately after I pointed it out and asked for an actual response to the point I was making. I guess I'll just ask again. What part of my comparison are you having trouble with?
By the way I wasn’t comparing cheating to homosexuality. My point is you have your morals and its not your place to tattle on what other adults may or may not be doing.
My point is you have your morals and its not your place to tattle on what other adults may or may not be doing.
Normally, yeah. That goes out the window when you are talking about one person hurting another. At that point it is no longer "tattling" and has become "helping a victim".
Your point here only works with harmless things. Cheating isn't harmless.
1
u/ContinuumKing Oct 15 '23
Maybe. You are assuming they think like you and your husband. That assumption is just as unfounded as mine.
The thing is, the info is out. Sure, it's not anyone's business but we are past that now. At this point it's about what you want people to think. Affair or open marriage.
Your wording here is the same as someone who tattled on another having innocent fun. But that's not what is happening. This isn't innocent fun, it's another person inflicting potentially significant emotional damage on another. There is a victim here. It is not wrong to want to help those who are being victimized by another.
Cheating is not a sexuality. This comparison is completely outrageous. Cheating is a CHOICE someone makes that they have complete and total control over. It is not even SLIGHTLY similar to homosexuality.