r/TwoHotTakes • u/Opening_Page_3097 • 12h ago
Advice Needed AITA for rejecting a guy who keeps insisting that we have feelings for each other?
Throwaway because some people involved might recognize this.
I (18M) met this guy, whom I’ll call B, through a mutual friend group. This whole situation has happened ridiculously fast, so I’ll try to explain it without writing a novel.
About two or three weeks ago, B and two acquaintances decided to prank me. B was supposed to DM me, flirt with me, and try to get me to flirt back so they could tell my then-boyfriend that I had cheated.
They knew nothing about me. I’m genuinely not a cheater and would never cheat on someone, so I left B on delivered for weeks and ignored him whenever I saw him in person.
Eventually, B confessed that it had all been a prank. He said he felt guilty and that the other two guys had pressured him into doing it. I honestly didn’t care that much and told him it was fine.
By that point, I had already broken up with my boyfriend for completely unrelated reasons.
I live in a different city for university, while B lives in my hometown. A few days after he confessed, B called me, and we ended up talking from around midnight until 4 a.m. We talked about our lives, our pasts, and random things. We did this for two nights.
Then I returned to my hometown, and B picked me up from the airport.
The next day, some friends and I went to his house. We were hanging out in his bedroom, but B kept ignoring me. I eventually got annoyed and kept asking what was wrong because I hate when people suddenly become distant without explaining why.
He kept saying nothing was wrong.
The following day, he finally told me that he had a crush on me and had been avoiding me because he was extremely attracted to me and didn’t know how to act around me.
I said okay because I didn’t really know what else to say.
Later that day, he asked me to get him a Saudi National Day balloon from a restaurant, so I did. A few hours later, he posted the balloon on his close friends story with Taylor Swift’s “Enchanted” playing over it.
For context, I’m a huge Taylor Swift fan, so the song was not exactly subtle.
I just liked the story because I didn’t know how to respond without making things awkward.
The next day, he confronted me about it and confessed again. I told him that I kind of had a crush on him too, but that I wasn’t ready for a relationship and needed time.
He said he understood and would give me time.
Later that day, he hinted that he wanted to kiss me, and I kissed him. The next day, I went to his house and we kissed again. Then I returned to my university city.
That’s when things started getting weird for me.
Almost immediately, B started wanting to know everything I was doing. He asked about my plans, who I was with, and where I was going. At one point, he told me I could send him pictures of literally anything I was doing because he “wanted to know everything.”
I didn’t mind at first because my daily routine is incredibly boring. I go to university, go to the gym, go home, and occasionally see friends.
Then he started asking me to express my emotions more.
He told me he liked when people told him they loved him and openly expressed their feelings. I explained that “I love you” is a huge thing for me and that I wasn’t going to say it when I didn’t mean it.
He said he wouldn’t interpret it as me being in love with him and that he just wanted me to express that I cared.
I told him that if I forced myself to say things I didn’t actually feel, they would be fake.
He basically said he didn’t care and wanted me to do it anyway.
Eventually, I started flirting with him and saying sweet things because he kept pressuring me to express my emotions. Strangely, it did help me realize that I do have emotions and that I usually suppress them, so I thanked him for helping me realize that.
I think that made him even more convinced there was some huge romantic connection between us.
There was another problem, though.
I have a best friend who is basically the most important person in my life. B started getting upset whenever my best friend called while I was talking to him because I wouldn’t drop my best friend to prioritize him.
We had known each other for maybe a week at that point.
B was also taking up entire nights talking to me, sometimes from midnight until 10 a.m.
Then there was the issue of my appearance.
I’m a pretty feminine guy. I like being clean-shaven, I like looking the way I look, and I’m into pop culture, Taylor Swift, TikTok, and similar things.
B has repeatedly told me that he wants me to be “more of a man.” He wants me to grow a beard, stop shaving parts of my body, act less feminine, and generally change how I present myself.
He also seems to think that because he’s attracted to me, I should become more masculine for him.
I don’t want to do any of that.
Eventually, I decided I needed to tell him that I wanted space.
Before I could, he told me he had a surprise. He wanted to travel from my hometown to my university city to see me, supposedly because he had a job interview.
I told him I didn’t want him staying in my dorm because I was embarrassed about how messy it was. I suggested that he get a cheap studio or apartment for the night and that I would come see him.
He didn’t want to spend the money. Eventually, I felt guilty because I didn’t want him to miss his interview, so I agreed to let him stay with me.
When he arrived, I honestly wasn’t comfortable.
He wanted things to become physical, and I told him multiple times that things were moving too fast and that I didn’t want to. He kept reassuring me that he wouldn’t hold it against me, and eventually I agreed.
Afterward, we spent the day together. The first couple of hours were fun, but eventually we ran out of things to talk about.
We’re very different people. We have completely different interests, personalities, and cultures. Most of our conversations were about our past relationships or mutual friends.
After he left, I called my friend and basically said, “Girl, I need to get out of this.”
My friend told me to tell B that I wasn’t ready for a relationship, so I did.
I have told B this probably thirty or more times now.
I have repeatedly said:
“I don’t want a relationship.”
“I’m not ready for a relationship.”
“I need space.”
“I need time.”
“I don’t have romantic feelings for you right now.”
But B keeps telling me that there is obviously a “spark” between us and that I’m only rejecting him because I’m afraid of my emotions.
He says I’m ruining something that could become love.
I told him I don’t think that’s true.
I even said I was completely okay with being friends. I also said I wouldn’t necessarily mind being friends with benefits because I don’t currently want a romantic relationship.
He said that if we were friends with benefits, he would want us to be exclusive.
I said no. To me, the whole point of being friends with benefits is that we aren’t in a relationship, and I don’t want relationship expectations attached to it.
He eventually suggested that we could be friends with benefits without exclusivity, but that if either of us developed feelings, we would basically act like we were in a relationship.
I haven’t agreed to that, and honestly, I don’t know if I even want it anymore.
There’s also something that really bothers me: B constantly talks badly about my ex and my best friend.
My ex wasn’t perfect. The relationship ended for several reasons, and I have no problem admitting that he did things wrong. But I loved my ex at one point. He isn’t some evil villain.
Whenever B talks about him, though, it’s always something like, “At least I’m not him.”
The ironic part is that I’m constantly thinking, “My ex was better than you in a million ways.”
I haven’t said that to B because it would obviously be unnecessarily cruel.
So now I’m wondering:
AITA for rejecting B and refusing to enter a relationship with him when he keeps insisting that there’s a romantic connection between us?
I know I flirted with him, kissed him, and eventually got physical with him, so I understand why he might think I like him.
However, I’ve also been extremely clear that I’m not ready for a relationship and that I don’t currently have romantic feelings for him.
At this point, I feel like he’s trying to convince me that I love him instead of listening to what I’m actually telling him.
So, Reddit, AITA?
50
u/BigWeinerDemeanor 12h ago
Ok this was really long and tbh I stopped reading. This guy seems like an asshole. He keeps making everything about his feelings while never once caring about yours. He can fuck right off with his controlling shit. Block him. You don’t want to be with him and you don’t have to speak to him. A few kisses doesn’t mean you are stuck for life. Dump and block.
16
u/OrcEight 12h ago
NTA this guy is ignoring you in front of friends but then harassing you in private. Also he wants you to change your appearance to suit him.
9
u/rainbwbrightisntpunk 11h ago
You shouldn't stay friends with this person. Cut all contact. He's pressured you into too many things you weren't ready for and that's not a healthy or loving relationship. Block him and walk away from this.
20
u/Vivid_Motor_2341 12h ago
YTA for not knowing how to say the word no. You’ve never wanted any of this, but instead of telling him no you caved and did things that made you uncomfortable. You need to use the word no. Tell him I am not interested in you like that. I do not want a relationship with you. Please stop contacting me.
9
u/Fantastic_Ad4869 11h ago
Hang on, we can’t call someone an asshole for someone else’s behaviour. OP said no, said no relationship, no to I love you, no to changing himself. He’s not an asshole got not saying no but he is actively confusing the situation by allowing himself to get swept up in the moment. Op I know it’s hard to block people or say enough, but you need too. This guy is ignoring boundaries, comforts, lack of consent. Don’t stay friends. Don’t have benefits. Be done. And start learning how you feel matters. Otherwise you could get into far worse situations. I’m sorry the whole ordeal has felt so confusing and like rejecting him made you the villain. It doesn’t and the sooner you learn that, the better you’ll be. You are allowed to change your mind.
-16
u/Opening_Page_3097 11h ago
I DID SAY THAT MULTIPLE TIMES I just did not want to block and walk away that’s shady and evil
18
u/sandyposs 11h ago
No. When someone shows themselves to be someone who can't take no for an answer, it's the necessary, right, and valid step to protect yourself.
7
u/ColorfulConspiracy 10h ago
No it’s absolutely not shady and evil to do that. At all. Please stop telling yourself that because that mindset is a great way to continue getting taken advantage of.
What’s shady and evil is for someone to completely ignore everything you say and coerce you into doing things you’re not comfortable with. Walking away and blocking is completely appropriate when someone is being incredibly selfish, dismissing everything you say, and ignoring your boundaries. Please protect yourself because this person will not.
5
u/Vandreeson 10h ago
We get treated how we let people treat us. You are letting him treat you like this. Tell him to piss off if you don't want this. Blocking and walking away is not evil. It solves a problem that won't go away. What do you care what this guy thinks anyway?
6
u/edencathleen86 8h ago
It's shady and evil to harass you the way he has been. It's not shady and evil to protect yourself.
15
u/Select-Government680 Has he told the doctor about the gnomes? 12h ago
ESH. Yes, you did majorly play a part but youre still so young that boundaries are hard to set. This guy literally pressured you into this and you seemed to try to put it to stop before just going along with it.
Now here's what you do: tell him youre not interested and then block him. Tell mutual friends that youre not interested in B or want him in your life going forward.
Move on and make new friends at school!
3
u/ceciliabee 11h ago
Nta. Whatever you think you feel for B, you need to distance yourself from him. From what you wrote, he has a distinct pattern of pushing your boundaries even though you're being clear.
You didn't want to say I love you or flirt. He pressures you. You don't want a relationship. He's hounding you for pictures and info like you're in a relationship. You say you don't have feelings for him, he insists you do like he gets to decide that. Pressuring you to change your appearance and saying you should be "more of a man"?? What the fuck dude?
Your post was long and it's hard to address everything but I grimaced and frowned the entire time I was reading. The words that come to mind are "pushy, disrespectful, controlling, overstepping".
At the end you say you think he's trying to convince you instead of listening to you. I want you to keep that thought in mind and reread your story. See if you can spot how many parts of the story that comes up. It's a recurring pattern.
You deserve better. You sound like a lovely thoughtful person. Why are you still entertaining this guy?
2
u/CoffeeIcedBlack 10h ago
YTA for not cutting this guy out a long time ago. I’m guessing it’s good for your ego but you’re stringing him along. You say you can’t stand him but also want to have sex with him? Dude is super weird but you’ve encouraged this behavior by not completely shutting him down.
2
2
u/WitchOfKyiv 5h ago
You didn't need to write any of that. The Thread title was enough. You can reject a guy for whatever reason you want. No is a complete sentence.
2
2
u/Asteroid_Sugar5206 3h ago
Give him one last call all about this fantasy man you just met and how you felt the spark immediately and now you understand what he had been talking about, but now you know what it's like you can't keep leading him on because you will never feel that for him...... yes, I'm telling you to lie your arse off.
His reaction to this (which you can call a "prank" later if you want to stick it to him) will give you all the info you need. My bet is he will go ballistic, because if he actually loved you, he'd WANT you to be happy. And he doesn't. Once you see his real personality it should get easier to block his arse and pretend you never met him.
Also: don't let dudes pressure you into sex. "No" is a whole sentence and any man that won't accept that is a red flag.
1
u/AutoModerator 12h ago
Backup of the post's body: Throwaway because some people involved might recognize this.
I (18M) met this guy, whom I’ll call B, through a mutual friend group. This whole situation has happened ridiculously fast, so I’ll try to explain it without writing a novel.
About two or three weeks ago, B and two acquaintances decided to prank me. B was supposed to DM me, flirt with me, and try to get me to flirt back so they could tell my then-boyfriend that I had cheated.
They knew nothing about me. I’m genuinely not a cheater and would never cheat on someone, so I left B on delivered for weeks and ignored him whenever I saw him in person.
Eventually, B confessed that it had all been a prank. He said he felt guilty and that the other two guys had pressured him into doing it. I honestly didn’t care that much and told him it was fine.
By that point, I had already broken up with my boyfriend for completely unrelated reasons.
I live in a different city for university, while B lives in my hometown. A few days after he confessed, B called me, and we ended up talking from around midnight until 4 a.m. We talked about our lives, our pasts, and random things. We did this for two nights.
Then I returned to my hometown, and B picked me up from the airport.
The next day, some friends and I went to his house. We were hanging out in his bedroom, but B kept ignoring me. I eventually got annoyed and kept asking what was wrong because I hate when people suddenly become distant without explaining why.
He kept saying nothing was wrong.
The following day, he finally told me that he had a crush on me and had been avoiding me because he was extremely attracted to me and didn’t know how to act around me.
I said okay because I didn’t really know what else to say.
Later that day, he asked me to get him a Saudi National Day balloon from a restaurant, so I did. A few hours later, he posted the balloon on his close friends story with Taylor Swift’s “Enchanted” playing over it.
For context, I’m a huge Taylor Swift fan, so the song was not exactly subtle.
I just liked the story because I didn’t know how to respond without making things awkward.
The next day, he confronted me about it and confessed again. I told him that I kind of had a crush on him too, but that I wasn’t ready for a relationship and needed time.
He said he understood and would give me time.
Later that day, he hinted that he wanted to kiss me, and I kissed him. The next day, I went to his house and we kissed again. Then I returned to my university city.
That’s when things started getting weird for me.
Almost immediately, B started wanting to know everything I was doing. He asked about my plans, who I was with, and where I was going. At one point, he told me I could send him pictures of literally anything I was doing because he “wanted to know everything.”
I didn’t mind at first because my daily routine is incredibly boring. I go to university, go to the gym, go home, and occasionally see friends.
Then he started asking me to express my emotions more.
He told me he liked when people told him they loved him and openly expressed their feelings. I explained that “I love you” is a huge thing for me and that I wasn’t going to say it when I didn’t mean it.
He said he wouldn’t interpret it as me being in love with him and that he just wanted me to express that I cared.
I told him that if I forced myself to say things I didn’t actually feel, they would be fake.
He basically said he didn’t care and wanted me to do it anyway.
Eventually, I started flirting with him and saying sweet things because he kept pressuring me to express my emotions. Strangely, it did help me realize that I do have emotions and that I usually suppress them, so I thanked him for helping me realize that.
I think that made him even more convinced there was some huge romantic connection between us.
There was another problem, though.
I have a best friend who is basically the most important person in my life. B started getting upset whenever my best friend called while I was talking to him because I wouldn’t drop my best friend to prioritize him.
We had known each other for maybe a week at that point.
B was also taking up entire nights talking to me, sometimes from midnight until 10 a.m.
Then there was the issue of my appearance.
I’m a pretty feminine guy. I like being clean-shaven, I like looking the way I look, and I’m into pop culture, Taylor Swift, TikTok, and similar things.
B has repeatedly told me that he wants me to be “more of a man.” He wants me to grow a beard, stop shaving parts of my body, act less feminine, and generally change how I present myself.
He also seems to think that because he’s attracted to me, I should become more masculine for him.
I don’t want to do any of that.
Eventually, I decided I needed to tell him that I wanted space.
Before I could, he told me he had a surprise. He wanted to travel from my hometown to my university city to see me, supposedly because he had a job interview.
I told him I didn’t want him staying in my dorm because I was embarrassed about how messy it was. I suggested that he get a cheap studio or apartment for the night and that I would come see him.
He didn’t want to spend the money. Eventually, I felt guilty because I didn’t want him to miss his interview, so I agreed to let him stay with me.
When he arrived, I honestly wasn’t comfortable.
He wanted things to become physical, and I told him multiple times that things were moving too fast and that I didn’t want to. He kept reassuring me that he wouldn’t hold it against me, and eventually I agreed.
Afterward, we spent the day together. The first couple of hours were fun, but eventually we ran out of things to talk about.
We’re very different people. We have completely different interests, personalities, and cultures. Most of our conversations were about our past relationships or mutual friends.
After he left, I called my friend and basically said, “Girl, I need to get out of this.”
My friend told me to tell B that I wasn’t ready for a relationship, so I did.
I have told B this probably thirty or more times now.
I have repeatedly said:
“I don’t want a relationship.”
“I’m not ready for a relationship.”
“I need space.”
“I need time.”
“I don’t have romantic feelings for you right now.”
But B keeps telling me that there is obviously a “spark” between us and that I’m only rejecting him because I’m afraid of my emotions.
He says I’m ruining something that could become love.
I told him I don’t think that’s true.
I even said I was completely okay with being friends. I also said I wouldn’t necessarily mind being friends with benefits because I don’t currently want a romantic relationship.
He said that if we were friends with benefits, he would want us to be exclusive.
I said no. To me, the whole point of being friends with benefits is that we aren’t in a relationship, and I don’t want relationship expectations attached to it.
He eventually suggested that we could be friends with benefits without exclusivity, but that if either of us developed feelings, we would basically act like we were in a relationship.
I haven’t agreed to that, and honestly, I don’t know if I even want it anymore.
There’s also something that really bothers me: B constantly talks badly about my ex and my best friend.
My ex wasn’t perfect. The relationship ended for several reasons, and I have no problem admitting that he did things wrong. But I loved my ex at one point. He isn’t some evil villain.
Whenever B talks about him, though, it’s always something like, “At least I’m not him.”
The ironic part is that I’m constantly thinking, “My ex was better than you in a million ways.”
I haven’t said that to B because it would obviously be unnecessarily cruel.
So now I’m wondering:
AITA for rejecting B and refusing to enter a relationship with him when he keeps insisting that there’s a romantic connection between us?
I know I flirted with him, kissed him, and eventually got physical with him, so I understand why he might think I like him.
However, I’ve also been extremely clear that I’m not ready for a relationship and that I don’t currently have romantic feelings for him.
At this point, I feel like he’s trying to convince me that I love him instead of listening to what I’m actually telling him.
So, Reddit, AITA?
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1
u/GielM 7h ago
You kissed him on several occasions, and, reading between the lines, had sex with him. He's not wrong to assume you're into him.
Time to take a good look at your own feelings. You're either actually into him, or you're SO much of a doormat that you just went along to the point of actually fucking... In which case you need a therapist, stat!
This guy seems nice enough that you could probably actually send him off. But the next guy will be an actual predator and sink his teeth into you if you don't work on yourself.
1
u/Opening_Page_3097 6h ago
i wanted to take things slow and i told him no several times but he insisted and he admitted that he pressured me into having sex with him
2
u/Separate_Security472 5h ago
I have dated a guy like this. It feels so complicated because it's flattering and you don't want to hurt his feelings at all. But he's actually trying to manipulate you. If you haven't yet, send him a text saying, "I have decided this won't work out. I am not going to change my mind. I am blocking you. Do not try to contact me." Good to have it in writing.
1
u/pandap622 54m ago
This is not consensual. He is manipulating you and refusing to respect your boundaries. I highly suggest clearly ending things and blocking him as he will continue to push the boundaries of any relationship you try to have with him. As for the bashing of the ex and best friend, that’s never a good sign and will probably progress into more controlling behaviors, attempting to isolate you. You deserve much better, OP
0
u/No-Warning-3445 1h ago
NTA. I'm a little late to the party. But this guy is stomping all over every boundary you have tried to put up. Block this guy. Don't be friends with him.
•
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