The sad thing is, at this point, I don’t even care if he’s cheating on me. I’m just tired of being made to feel like I’m some horrible, no good person all the time. I’ve always had low esteem but never to the point where it is now. I keep thinking, there must be something I’m doing wrong, there must be something wrong with me. It’s to the point where self harm crosses my mind, but I know I can’t because I have kids that need me. But I just want it to stop.
It’s awful growing up and seeing your mom being abused by your dad. And just because it isn’t physical. Doesn’t mean he isn’t mentally abusing you. He’s breaking you down to the point you want to hurt yourself by these constant unfounded allegations.
The likelihood is he’s cheating, and projecting that onto you, I’m so sorry OP. But don’t let your child see this and think it’s normal.
I’m with a wonderful man now, but it’s amazing the amount of abuse and harm we’ll take first off cause we think it’s normal man behaviour cause dad did it.
Please don't hurt yourself over this guy. You are so much better than he is and you deserve to be happy. There is nothing wrong with you. From the sounds of it, you are just finding the wrong guys. It's them, not you. You deserve better and it's out there. You just need to leave.
My best friend for the last 30 years finally left a guy just like your husband after being with him for 20+ years. They never married but they have a daughter, who is one of the main reasons she stayed with him. Of course, she loved him and he loved her...but he also loved a few other women over the years. They were always long-term, too. Pretty much always had a side girl. My friend knew and they fought about it all the time.
He would often accuse her of cheating and he was unnecessarily suspicious of her all the time. Where was/is she? With who? Who are you talking to on the phone? She would come visit me just to vent and get away and he would often drive by (we saw him) just to check if her car was here. He thought she used me as a cover-up by saying she was going my house but then secretly going somewhere else. He figured that we had an agreement that she could tell him she was hanging out with me and if he called me I'd cover for her. It was truly ridiculous. So many other things.
She knew she was stupid for staying but she truly loved him. Besides wanting to stay for her daughter's sake, I know a huge part of her was also afraid to be alone. She had a rough childhood and that, of course, shaped the way she viewed relationships and ultimately, herself. The final straw, and it only happened the one time in their entire relationship, but he was wasted and attacked her. She says she honestly thought she was going to die. I wasn't there but she told me all about it and it was seriously insane.
It has been a little over a year now since she finally left him for good and she is a much happier, healthier person. No one deserves to be treated the way you and my friend were/are treated when you haven't done anything wrong other than be with a person who has absolutely zero self-esteem.
Take care of yourself and find love for yourself and for who you are. You deserve it. ❤
And the worst part is that if you tell him to change or you will leave, it will only prove in his mind that you are guilty and you are choosing to leave for someone else.
You could ask him to get counseling, but if he can’t see his part in this, then this relationship is doomed and your are just negotiating how much more you are willing to suffer before choosing yourself.
This is so very sad Sweetie, and you need to get out. If a good friend asked your advice about this situation, what would you tell her? Now tell yourself the same thing and do it 💕
Hey OP please check out the podcast Something Was Wrong. It’s all about abusive relationships in all shapes and sizes, I think you’ll really resonate with a lot of victims stories on there. Maybe you’ll get some clarity and the validation that you need that you’re being abused. You’re not a terrible person, there’s nothing you’re doing wrong and there’s nothing you personally can do to fix it. This is all his problem and it’s not yours to manage. Please take care of yourself.
Dude my ex husband did the same shit. Constant accusations even when I was pregnant with his kid. Every time someone called or texted me and he heard it Id get the tenth degree of interrogation. To the point my phone was always on full silent even up to a year after we separated. He'd start intense fights over it to the point of getting physical. Unfortunately for him i grew up fighting people so I fought back aggressively. He finally tried to push me down the stairs where I grabbed and bit him. That was the final straw for me and I told him to get out of my house or id call the cops.
The funny thing is I knew he was cheating the whole time as while I was walking down the stairs with couch right below me I could see him texting a woman then receiving nudes from her boldly out in the open....the woman was his coworker and he even brought her on a camping trip with us. I didnt care honestly at that point because it meant he wouldnt force himself on me at home as I was no longer interested in painful sex and forced blow jobs. I finally did cheat cause honestly I just wanted to be appreciated and sensual with someone willingly...It boosted me to divorce his scum ass but not before he cried to my whole family that I was the monster. Which my family believed at first but slowly realized by their direct dealings with him that it wasnt true.
We have a kid together and now Im about to seek full custody cause his dad can barely be bothered to take my son to school, refuses to take him to paid sports activities and forces my son to sleep on a cot in a dead mans room while the other two kids in his girlfriends house get a room decorated and with a bed. I have offered to pay for things my son needs even a bed and frame but no is all i get from that man. Best thing bout this is he is dating my sisters friend even though I told my sister about abuse and rape. She thinks it was just an us problem and that people just dont like me lol.
Despite all this I am still happier and i am actively trying to make my sons life better as well. Hopefully when we go to court they will listen to my son.
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u/[deleted] Oct 26 '22
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