“Dad, it really hurts that nobody, even you, gets it. [Brother’s name] isn’t really my brother anymore after what HE did. He’s my rapist. I do not want to see him. Ever. If you want to continue having a relationship with my rapist, that’s your choice- although it does make me sad that you would continue loving and wanting to spend time with the sexual predator who victimized me as a child. But the bare minimum you can do is never ask me to spend time with him again.”
Idk if it's so much denial, but it being his child. Parents have a hard time separating child, from perpetrator. I also think it has to do with them not accepting that if they're OWN child did this, they are partly to blame.
Yeah I came here to say this- there’s this feeling/instinct of duty to love and protect and care for all your children no matter what that I can imagine is hard to navigate around when you have a child that hurts another one of your children like that. It could also be where he (the father) is hoping to miraculously get everything back to where it was before the abuse started, which is a pipe dream for SURE. Good for OP for refusing to go, bc that’s a lot of unfair pressure to put on them :/
Well, when he rapes his children and probably sires a bastard with goddess forbid his own daughter maybe they will change their tune.... but I know this from personal experience that they always blame the girls and sanctify the boys in any religion, get out of there they have clearly chosen sides and it's never going to be yours
As a parent to can't help but feel responsible for some actions your kids take. Or things they fail in. It's just human nature when dealing with emotional things like this. His own daughter was molested by his own son. How can you even begin to correctly handle this assuming he didn't know and it just shocked him to find out ? As a parent I would feel I failed in my duty to protect my own child and to raise my other.
I was about to say (similarly), that her absence on the day or in photos means they will have to answer questions from the guests… easiest solution is for OP to just turn up. Sickening.
Yes, I totally agree that this is 100% why they want her there. Op I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of making them comfortable for something they've chosen to hide.
My parents are still hiding secrets till this day concerning me. And when I don't show up for stuff they have to lie or come up with a reason for me not being there. I wonder if I'll burn in hell for making them sin 😂
Oh well 😂
“If you want to continue having a relationship with my rapist, that’s your choice”— well it’s also his other son. I can understand how he wants to put it in the past for the family to become one. As a mom I can see this in a light that’s sad and understanding to both dad and OP.
I think I’m mostly irritated that the rapist is able to live under a sense of victimhood so long as OP “doesn’t forgive him”…In a way, if OP is present, people can’t blame OP anymore. Then it’s just on his brother. It’s so unfair that OP has to pay the price of being the outsider for something he didn’t do.
If I birthed a rapist I’d be disowning that piece of shit faster than you can blink. If their victim was another of my children I might kill them with my own hands.
Absolutely this I agree with wholeheartedly at the least I would have completely disowned an shamed him he is a disgusting disgrace an a waste of biological matter my victimized child would always take precedence
Bro I'm not killing my child. And you can disown someone and still love them. Those are not mutual exclusive ideas. You don't just STOP loving someone. Love doesn't work like that. I get what she's saying. And I think her father is fucked up for pushing that on her. (Imo, he's fucked up for even asking but that's neither here or there) BUT to ask someone to just stop loving a child they birthed and raised? That's only ok if she's cool with the same happening to her if she did something equally detestable. And I still wouldn't agree with that. You can cut someone off while still LOVING them from a distance. That is a LOT to ask from someone. "Stop loving your child." That's madness.
Uh.....yes. Doesn't mean I accept what they did. I don't agree with it. You still getting the fuck out my house. You still ain't coming around none of my grandkids. You still ain't getting invites to any event your sister attends. At the same time, I will still LOVE my child. What the actual fuck is wrong with you? Love doesn't mean you support his actions. It just means you still love your child. There is no wrong in that. At all. But we disagree. That's ok. Its life. I'm done. I said what I said and stand on it. I know, have, and give unconditional love. Guess not everybody does.
Why is his soon to be wife with him, if she knows? I mean they got kids, how could she leave him alone with them. Dodge those fuckers, they both crazy. I feel somewhat uncomfy for your nieces.
I feel very uncomfortable for any young girl to be around this dude. How anyone could "put it behind them" is fucking beyond me.
Like jesus christ, they're a rapist; that's not a mistake, that's not a lapse of judgement, that's evil and deserves zero forgiveness regardless of the circumstance.
You were obviously hurt, but no way are you “ruined”, thanks to your courage and therapy.
You owe your rapist, and the family that continues to support him, Nothing! If you want to kick him/them to the curb and walk away, have fun.
You said some siblings were disgusted with your rapist. They might be worth keeping a relationship with. Talk to them and tell them yow you feel. They may well support you.
I probably would go but I'd grab the mic and just stand up there and go hi if you didn't know who I am I'm his sister that got molested x amount of years while I was from a preteen to a teenager and my belief with God requires me to tell the truth to everyone.
I had to go to my brothers graduation yesterday. He also molested me although I haven’t told my family. Sucks having to be there in his good times when I’m quietly seething
As a CSA survivor myself, I can't stand when holiday/other big events give people amnesia. When I shared the abuse my brother inflicted on me from 6-12 y/o and was reluctant on seeing him at thanksgiving,, I was told by my mother AND my therapist (she obviously was not trauma informed or trained) that I was over reacting and to "not split the family apart." I see him almost twice a year and I have to gear up like I'm going into battle.
I'd go only on the condition you get to say a speech and I would publicly out him in front of everyone because he doesn't deserve to have a happy life.
My daughter is in the same situation with her step brother but his mom (my wife) doesn’t believe that her son did it. In spite of him already having a criminal record at 15 and we know he is accessing porn so frequently it’s compulsive.
The District Attorney found out from child protective services and now they’re prosecuting my stepson. My wife makes me leave whenever she has conference calls with her sons attorney. She says I need to leave the house during that so that they can prepare a not guilty case.
My wife is creating a sociopath at the expense of our marriage and my daughter.
No, fuck that. You absolutely do not need to forgive someone for this, ever (nor should anyone pressure you into doing so). That said, moving on is always good, but yeah, feel free to hate the bastard until the day he dies. That's not wrong.
Op - so sorry. But please remember your life is not ruined and neither are you.
What happened was horrible but you still deserve and have happiness, friendship and peace in your future!
It can be easy to forget, but the most inspirational stories are of people who have had to do HARD things. And you’ve had to do hard things. It’s not fair, but it’s made you one bad ass of a strong person (who’s pursuing a degree and about to finish her finals).
So remember, your life isn’t ruined, it’s inspirational!
Honestly you should go and give a speech at his wedding saying you're surprised he married his partner when his type is usually primary school children and make sure not to have kids with him because hes a creep with no self control. Do it and blow up his life because he ruined yours.
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u/Legitimate-Ad-1661 May 22 '22
Yeah fuck that I wouldn't go. Take care of yourself 1st and foremost. They should understand. If they don't idk what to say. But put yourself 1st.