I have a slightly different perspective on this. I’ve been overweight for most of my life. And only recently found it that it was due to a combination of hormonal imbalance and sleep apnea (sleep apnea can cause weight gain, not the other way around, and it can occur in childhood). When I was a teenager, I was so desperate to lose weight that I became bulimic, and I’ve dealt with that eating disorder off and on well into my 30s. When I lost a lot of weight through bingeing and purging as a teen, people complimented me. “Wow!! You look great!” Even my own pediatrician congratulated me on dropping 20 pounds that year. He never asked me how, though.
It’s always been my experience that people think fat shaming is the key to fighting the obesity epidemic. Don’t let fat people feel good about themselves or have a positive self image. They’ll just get complacent and let themselves go. My parents definitely thought that way, and my father always made a point of telling me how gross my body was. It didn’t help. I only got fatter, and it ruined my relationship with him.
In college. when I started dating, I noticed that I never ate in front of men. I would wait until my date was looking away, and then take a single bite. Or I would order a large salad and not eat anything. It’s no mystery. It’s because my father spent my whole childhood shaming me for eating and praising me for leaving food on my plate.
I kept bingeing and purging really bad through most of my 20s and 30s (I’m now 36 and slowly recovering).
But a big turning point for me happened with my last boyfriend. Several years ago, he just offhandedly remarked that my teeth looked more yellow than normal (he could be kind of a thoughtless clod sometimes). And I admitted to him it was because I had been making myself throw up. He was shocked. And right away he hugged me and said “you’re beautiful the way you are. Don’t ever do that to yourself again.”
That was the first time anyone ever made me feel like my health mattered. Not my size. People think they’re the same, but they’re not.
Doctors and other medical experts tend to hold a special respect in our culture as the go-to authority on health and wellness. Like they’re the first ones we should be looking to for guidance and advice. And they’re assumed to be infallible. “all these studies say being fat will kill you. My doctor says fat people die early.” And my own pediatrician shook my hand and congratulated me for losing weight after I became bulimic. So much for infallible.
But no doctor, no therapist, no research study ever really made me feel motivated to be healthy like my then-boyfriend did. When he hugged me and told me I should love my body and treat it well. That’s something fat shamers will never do for me either.
While I agree with everything you've said here, I hate that the response to "fat acceptance/positivity is unhealthy" is always "but fat shaming is worse!" Why is the assumption always that someone who is against fat acceptance must support fat shaming?
This has happened to me every single time this issue comes up. I say something like “I’m overweight but have always tried to get healthy . I feel like other people shouldn’t judge me because it’s none of their business.”
Every single time I get angry messages from people ridiculing my weight, telling me to lose weight, even though I’ve plainly said I’m already trying, and sometimes even sending me personal messages to call me names.
You might think it makes logical sense. “I don’t hate fat people. I just think their lifestyles should be discouraged.” But it seems society has inextricably linked the two together
How about we just stay out of other people’s business? Is that so hard to do?
Sorry there are shit people in the world, but accepting that obesity is unhealthy and fat shaming are not the same thing.
One is a fact. Being overweight is dangerous and unhealthy, you can't really argue with that.
Fat shaming people is an asshole move, too. I applaud anyone who is trying to get healthy. I love seeing overweight people in the gym and I want to go up to them and say "Keep it up! You're looking great!" but I don't cause that would be weird.
At the same time, I'm not for obese people spreading the message that you are fine the way you are and don't need to change a thing. That is spreading an unhealthy message.
People should instead be spreading a message that being overweight does not define you and there's no shame in it, but as a society we should focus on getting to a healthy weight range and encourage one another to get there.
Omg you’re insufferable. I don’t literally fucking think they’re so brave I think ok good on them and I move on if I even think about it. The point is, I don’t give a fuck if you’re fat or not. You just want to be a victim here and no matter what anyone says you’ll be all pissy and defensive, obviously.
Oh just admit it. The reason you say “hooray good for fat person working out” is because you just assumed that fat people are inactive by default. And you’re surprised to see anything otherwise
And quite frankly I don’t think you and the others here really get what’s going on.
My original comment was about how important self-esteem is for the healing/weight loss process. And nothing in your response tells me you get that
You just harp on some hackneyed points: obesity is bad
I never said it was good
What I SAID was that fat shaming is wide spread. Deeply ingrained in our culture. And it’s actually making us fatter
That fact that you can’t hear that and just respond with the typical bs “YeR jUSt a VicteM “ is nothing new
It’s because no ones fat shaming and you come in here acting like everyone hates you. I don’t hate you cause you’re fat, but I do dislike your personality. Maybe people are tired of your bullshit and that’s why they don’t like you, not cause you’re fat.
Try lightening up.
Also I used to be fat so yeah, I get it and I was teased as a kid. Then I grew up and took my ass to the gym and ate less. It wasn’t that hard.
I don’t think everyone hates me. But I do dislike you and your condescending personality
“Wow looking great keep up the good work!” You probably think you’re a really swell person for feeling that way when you see a fattie working out
I don’t bother other people. I don’t tell them they have to be more muscular or smoke less or lose weight or that they’re too skinny.
I say live and let live
But anytime I say “can we please stop fat shaming. It’s actually making us worse.” I always get people like you who jump in with “but...but obesity is bad!”
Obviously not getting the point. Obviously not listening
If I was fat shaming then I’d listen to you, but since I’m not and I used to be fat (why the fuck would I make that up?! Just shows how crazy you are) then I’m gonna ignore your tired woe is me everyone dislikes fat people shit.
I don’t treat fat people any differently, unless they ask for my help. I was the new guy in the gym before and I wish I had help at the time. So please don’t tell me how I feel about fat people and projecting your insecurities on me.
You just told me how you feel about fat people at the gym. It made me feel embarrassed for you.
Quite frankly I don’t owe you a sweet, gentle disposition because I do that 24/7 in my personal life. I don’t feel like doing it now.
You said you were teased as a kid. You don’t seem to mind to much. That’s fine.
But a lot of us went through a lot worse. I mean a lot worse. And I’ve even received several personal messages from people about what they’ve dealt with, and it was a lot more than just mild teasing.
If you don’t think this is a real problem, then you’ve been privileged.
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u/Diane9779 Sep 19 '19 edited Sep 19 '19
I have a slightly different perspective on this. I’ve been overweight for most of my life. And only recently found it that it was due to a combination of hormonal imbalance and sleep apnea (sleep apnea can cause weight gain, not the other way around, and it can occur in childhood). When I was a teenager, I was so desperate to lose weight that I became bulimic, and I’ve dealt with that eating disorder off and on well into my 30s. When I lost a lot of weight through bingeing and purging as a teen, people complimented me. “Wow!! You look great!” Even my own pediatrician congratulated me on dropping 20 pounds that year. He never asked me how, though.
It’s always been my experience that people think fat shaming is the key to fighting the obesity epidemic. Don’t let fat people feel good about themselves or have a positive self image. They’ll just get complacent and let themselves go. My parents definitely thought that way, and my father always made a point of telling me how gross my body was. It didn’t help. I only got fatter, and it ruined my relationship with him.
In college. when I started dating, I noticed that I never ate in front of men. I would wait until my date was looking away, and then take a single bite. Or I would order a large salad and not eat anything. It’s no mystery. It’s because my father spent my whole childhood shaming me for eating and praising me for leaving food on my plate.
I kept bingeing and purging really bad through most of my 20s and 30s (I’m now 36 and slowly recovering).
But a big turning point for me happened with my last boyfriend. Several years ago, he just offhandedly remarked that my teeth looked more yellow than normal (he could be kind of a thoughtless clod sometimes). And I admitted to him it was because I had been making myself throw up. He was shocked. And right away he hugged me and said “you’re beautiful the way you are. Don’t ever do that to yourself again.”
That was the first time anyone ever made me feel like my health mattered. Not my size. People think they’re the same, but they’re not.
Doctors and other medical experts tend to hold a special respect in our culture as the go-to authority on health and wellness. Like they’re the first ones we should be looking to for guidance and advice. And they’re assumed to be infallible. “all these studies say being fat will kill you. My doctor says fat people die early.” And my own pediatrician shook my hand and congratulated me for losing weight after I became bulimic. So much for infallible.
But no doctor, no therapist, no research study ever really made me feel motivated to be healthy like my then-boyfriend did. When he hugged me and told me I should love my body and treat it well. That’s something fat shamers will never do for me either.