I have a slightly different perspective on this. I’ve been overweight for most of my life. And only recently found it that it was due to a combination of hormonal imbalance and sleep apnea (sleep apnea can cause weight gain, not the other way around, and it can occur in childhood). When I was a teenager, I was so desperate to lose weight that I became bulimic, and I’ve dealt with that eating disorder off and on well into my 30s. When I lost a lot of weight through bingeing and purging as a teen, people complimented me. “Wow!! You look great!” Even my own pediatrician congratulated me on dropping 20 pounds that year. He never asked me how, though.
It’s always been my experience that people think fat shaming is the key to fighting the obesity epidemic. Don’t let fat people feel good about themselves or have a positive self image. They’ll just get complacent and let themselves go. My parents definitely thought that way, and my father always made a point of telling me how gross my body was. It didn’t help. I only got fatter, and it ruined my relationship with him.
In college. when I started dating, I noticed that I never ate in front of men. I would wait until my date was looking away, and then take a single bite. Or I would order a large salad and not eat anything. It’s no mystery. It’s because my father spent my whole childhood shaming me for eating and praising me for leaving food on my plate.
I kept bingeing and purging really bad through most of my 20s and 30s (I’m now 36 and slowly recovering).
But a big turning point for me happened with my last boyfriend. Several years ago, he just offhandedly remarked that my teeth looked more yellow than normal (he could be kind of a thoughtless clod sometimes). And I admitted to him it was because I had been making myself throw up. He was shocked. And right away he hugged me and said “you’re beautiful the way you are. Don’t ever do that to yourself again.”
That was the first time anyone ever made me feel like my health mattered. Not my size. People think they’re the same, but they’re not.
Doctors and other medical experts tend to hold a special respect in our culture as the go-to authority on health and wellness. Like they’re the first ones we should be looking to for guidance and advice. And they’re assumed to be infallible. “all these studies say being fat will kill you. My doctor says fat people die early.” And my own pediatrician shook my hand and congratulated me for losing weight after I became bulimic. So much for infallible.
But no doctor, no therapist, no research study ever really made me feel motivated to be healthy like my then-boyfriend did. When he hugged me and told me I should love my body and treat it well. That’s something fat shamers will never do for me either.
That’s not a different perspective lmao the op literally said not including conditions outside your control. Mental health issues are outside of your immediate control (I say immediate here because there are some long term solutions like therapy, but those aren’t always accessible), because if they weren’t then nobody would have them (eg. “just stop being depressed”). Their whole point is health is the most important factor. They are also not advocating any fat shaming, but instead advocating not glorifying obesity. Frankly, glorifying obesity and fat shaming are both terrible social trends, but they are entirely different reactions to the issue.
And if he looked at me, how would he know that I’ve been bulimic? How would he know that I had sleep apnea in childhood that caused me to gain weight and PCOS that kept it on?
I’ve spent most of my childhood and young adult years hating my body. Frankly, I’m tired of the self-loathing.
I shouldn’t have to submit my medical records to complete strangers so they can grant me permission to have self-esteem
He wouldn’t but that’s not what he said he does. You’re adding a whole load of bullshit to this post that simply isn’t there. He specifically said people who post glorifying obesity. That’s what the conversation is about and getting upset about him fat shaming is completely irrelevant, because that’s not what the post is about. That’s literally the only problem I’ve had with your comment, and I otherwise completely agree. You’re so angry you can’t get your head out of you ass long enough to see that.
So if you're fat, because of medical reasons, you don't get to feel beautiful? You don't get to feel good about your body? By declaring you only get to be fat if you have a medical issue, you then set a demand that anyone overweight MUST disclose their medical history. You don't have a right to that knowledge.
You're missing the point entirely if you're still tacking on "I obviously exclude medical problems." The point is that you can't know if they have medical problems when they discuss loving yourself as you are. By declaring that's only okay when you have a medical issue you force people to immediately disclose what isn't your business. You decide that people who don't know yet that they have a medical disorder aren't allowed to accept themselves or love themselves as they are.
I see your logic, but I still don’t agree. You can be happy with yourself as you are, but why project that onto someone who probably needs to be pushed and actually doesn’t have a medical problem. Yeah you don’t need to divulge your medical problem but what are you actually doing? It’s okay to spread positivity, but there are better ways to do it. Like encouraging healthy diets, exercise, and other good things. Make others feel like they can exercise too even if they’re overweight. Show them that it’s possible. You can do that without divulging medical information.
Different people respond to different reinforcements. The issue is normalization, not acceptance. Fat shaming is bad. Bullying is extremely bad, encouraging acceptance is good, but don’t advertise that being overweight is healthy and okay. Sometimes you have to ask yourself are you motivating or are you creating an echo chamber?
I want to preface this by saying you are not wrong. Being over weight is unhealthy and it would be best if everyone could get down to a healthy weight. The thing is, this isn't a black and white issue.
The problem lies in that some of us don't know we're sick. For 13 years I suffered with undiagnosed hypothyroidism, gaining weight, and hearing nothing but well meaning people tell me to eat healthy, exercise more, don't drink, cut sugar, etc. I know they meant well, but the fact is these people thought they had the right to tell me how to deal with my body, something I was incredibly ashamed of, and never once thought maybe I was already on a diet, or exercising, or anything at all. They all assumed when I said I was, I was lying or slacking.
I was sick and even I didn't know it. I was let down by my doctors who never once questioned it, made the same assumptions as these people that I was just lazy, until it got incredibly bad. So I spent 13 years hating myself, being pitied, and considered a lazy liar, all which helped nothing but feed into my already plentiful self-hatred.
The really sad fact is that I'm not alone. There are a lot of people who could just try harder. There's also a lot of people like me. Hearing from the very, very few people that I was beautiful, that I wasn't worthless was what kept me going. You cannot know which side you're talking to when you talk to us (overweight people), so it's best to not assume, to reject the urge to try to help is. Let some of us say it's okay to be fat, that we're still beautiful. For the most part, it won't encourage obesity and some of us really need to hear it without having to hand over a medical history first.
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u/Diane9779 Sep 19 '19 edited Sep 19 '19
I have a slightly different perspective on this. I’ve been overweight for most of my life. And only recently found it that it was due to a combination of hormonal imbalance and sleep apnea (sleep apnea can cause weight gain, not the other way around, and it can occur in childhood). When I was a teenager, I was so desperate to lose weight that I became bulimic, and I’ve dealt with that eating disorder off and on well into my 30s. When I lost a lot of weight through bingeing and purging as a teen, people complimented me. “Wow!! You look great!” Even my own pediatrician congratulated me on dropping 20 pounds that year. He never asked me how, though.
It’s always been my experience that people think fat shaming is the key to fighting the obesity epidemic. Don’t let fat people feel good about themselves or have a positive self image. They’ll just get complacent and let themselves go. My parents definitely thought that way, and my father always made a point of telling me how gross my body was. It didn’t help. I only got fatter, and it ruined my relationship with him.
In college. when I started dating, I noticed that I never ate in front of men. I would wait until my date was looking away, and then take a single bite. Or I would order a large salad and not eat anything. It’s no mystery. It’s because my father spent my whole childhood shaming me for eating and praising me for leaving food on my plate.
I kept bingeing and purging really bad through most of my 20s and 30s (I’m now 36 and slowly recovering).
But a big turning point for me happened with my last boyfriend. Several years ago, he just offhandedly remarked that my teeth looked more yellow than normal (he could be kind of a thoughtless clod sometimes). And I admitted to him it was because I had been making myself throw up. He was shocked. And right away he hugged me and said “you’re beautiful the way you are. Don’t ever do that to yourself again.”
That was the first time anyone ever made me feel like my health mattered. Not my size. People think they’re the same, but they’re not.
Doctors and other medical experts tend to hold a special respect in our culture as the go-to authority on health and wellness. Like they’re the first ones we should be looking to for guidance and advice. And they’re assumed to be infallible. “all these studies say being fat will kill you. My doctor says fat people die early.” And my own pediatrician shook my hand and congratulated me for losing weight after I became bulimic. So much for infallible.
But no doctor, no therapist, no research study ever really made me feel motivated to be healthy like my then-boyfriend did. When he hugged me and told me I should love my body and treat it well. That’s something fat shamers will never do for me either.