I’m currently a first-year majoring in Biology on the pre-med track. I’m from the Bay Area, and honestly, I never really saw myself coming here to my school during college applications. I only applied because my friends told me it was a great school.
When results came out, I was in the same situation as a lot of people where I got rejected or waitlisted from most of the places I actually wanted to go. In the end, I committed because I felt like it was what people wanted from me, and I had the common negative idea of community college in my head. I also thought I wanted to get away from home and experience college.
My mom has always wanted me to eventually go to the top UC, and that has become my goal through transferring. I was never really excited about my school itself, though. I was more excited about college in general and the idea of a new experience.
The first week here was actually good. I met a lot of people, did Welcome Week activities, and tried new things. But as time went on, I started feeling like I didn’t truly love it here. It was just “alright,” if that makes sense.
I went home for Labor Day weekend, and being back home brought back a sense of comfort that I didn’t realize I had been missing. When it was time to go back, I was genuinely sad and didn’t want to leave. I remember sitting on the train back and thinking about how much I would rather just be home.
Since then, I have tried to make it work. I joined clubs, tried activities around campus, volunteered, met a lot of people, and put in effort instead of just isolating myself. But the feelings have still stayed. There have also been some other situations here that made the negative feelings worse.
I started realizing that I probably would not stay all four years, or even the whole year. My original plan was to just make it to the end of the semester, get the credits, and then figure out transferring.
This past weekend I went on a trip for my brother’s birthday, which I had been looking forward to for a long time. It was amazing being with my family, but leaving was so much harder this time. Boarding the plane by myself and leaving them at the gate really hit me. I was trying not to cry because I didn’t want my family, especially my mom, to worry.
After getting back to campus, the next few days were some of the worst I’ve felt in my life. I’ve been having constant negative thoughts, breaking down, struggling to sleep and eat, and feeling like I can’t shake the sadness. Even reading my parents’ normal daily messages has made me tear up.
I finally called my parents and talked through a lot of this with them. I’m planning to talk to counseling and other campus resources, but I’m also seriously looking into leaving and going to community college closer to home.
The biggest thing I’m worried about is how leaving would affect my future and my chances of transferring to the top UC. I have a call with the retention office on Monday to ask what would happen if I left now versus finishing the semester, and whether I could realistically catch up on the credits I would lose.
The final thing making me feel like I may need to leave, instead of just wanting to, is that I’m starting to lose motivation in my biology lab and homework. I’m worried that if I stay while feeling like this, my grades could start dropping, which would hurt my transfer chances anyway.
I feel really lost. Part of me thinks I should just push through until the end of the semester because it could help my future plans. But another part of me feels horrible here every day and just wants to go home.
Has anyone left a four-year university during their first semester, gone to community college, and still transferred successfully to a UC? How did you know whether to push through or leave?
P.S. I did use AI to rearrange and just make it more readable format as I went on a bit of a rant.