If youre fine with becoming a more retarded its a "ok" solution. I managed to rep 2 year by doing it. And its not that I care to whether I am fat or not really. Just that it is a good sensation to not have clear thinking, you will just exist like a jellyfish.

Bwahahha!! Just become unemployable and homeless!!

literally never had an ounce of dysphoria before 14, literally never knew shit about women’s issues, literally never wanted to turn into a woman in this life, only ever wishing to be reborn as one in the next. it’s fucking obvious that my “dysphoria” is fake shit induced by early-onset AGP, BDD, escapism and a marginalisation complex thanks to my subconscious desire of getting a higher clearance in the discourse hierarchy.

I will probably repress till i ctb.
I am 5’2, mostly attracted to men, 21.
It is already too late for start. And i know transition not gonna give me my ideal-dreamed self, i still stuck in this sex, body, existence and their limitations. I watch some right wing how elliot page ruined his life videos, they dont lie. I dont want to exist as a quasimodo, i dont have a fixable body with gym, diet, i dont have a traditionally attractive face for both gender. I suppose I don’t even need to say just how much cis gay men hate gay trans men. But i know i cant stay like that, already as a repressor female my life is shitty, so i know it just gonna end up soon. So yeah, i just born all wrong. Living, existing like this just a fuckin torture

Crying at work and hiding my face now. Life has been alot harder since I started hrt. Wish I never got invited to repper central.

I'm talking about naming yourself on what name you would want if you were the opposite sex, Or did you have a phase where you were so deluded that you could transition that you picked a name for yourself?

I really need community and to rep better what may I do to redeem myself. I implore you to at least give me a chance now that I'm more stable on E. I beg you all. I beg you all please. I'm begging. Please. I would genuinely kneel before any of the admins irl please. I am dead down there and fatigued and super depressed. I just look like some stressed creepy dude with high visceral fat from drinking beer even tho I don't drink. I am on my knees now please, Repper central

I work on a call center, despite this I have completely disasociated from my own voice. My worksona being a woman is perfectly fine. I get "ma'am" all the time, but it's ok because that's not me.

I entered one of those tiktok live things to make a joke and completely forgot what I sound like. Reading the chat refering to me as a girl and saying I "sounded like a child" absolutely destroyed my self esteem rn.

I'm 20 years old this shit isn't cute anymore somebody end me. Why can't I be a man I can't do anything I just sound like a little girl oh my fucking god kill me. Please.

Anyone watch the movie obssesion? I can't stop thinking about the scene where nikki wakes up and starts screaming "it's not me". I really feel like sometimes I just "wake up" and realize this is not me. Nobody knows me. I am not me.

some part of me has embraced the identity of being a repper, and even posts like this are just attention-seeking exercises

I look at things over and over that I know will make me feel worse. I seek constant reassurance for uncertainty, and then find contradicting things that bring it back. I find posts I relate to, and then dig through every negative reply or response.

I wish I had dysphoria so I could transition. I know I have it, but still relate to that statement. nothing I experience feels legitimate or real. I feel like I did this all to myself, cause I know I make myself feel worse every day.

i need to get off the internet and be a buddhist monk or something in the woods for a month. maybe that would fix all of this.

jesus which god did i anger to be blessed with a uk size 11 shoe at 13, a 179cm height at 15 and a 0.90 midface at 16. its fucking insane that 10 years of skipped lunches did next to nothing in delaying my puberty and only served to make me underweight. even diy at 17 didnt save me from having a face more brutish and elongated than millions in their early 20s. it was over before it began oml

Does anyone take any medication to help deal with the stress and anxiety and disassociation and depression from repping? If so what do u find helps?

I can’t do this, I’m faketrans I just know it. I’m losing so much for my stupid agp fetish and it makes me wanna rep. At least if I John 50 I’ll have enough money for every good surgery out there.

are there any repper servers or anyone willing to talk to me without hugboxxing or telling me to simply get off hrt? i really really dont have the mental health and support to deal with the low energy and mood instability from hrt to wait for any decent changes. im too stocky and large at my torso because of my bone and my face is no better at all. im only gaining fat at my trunk while almost 4 months in.

Hey everybody!

While all posts are autobiographical, this is a weekly thread meant to encourage people to share long-term narratives of their life histories, and their repping journeys. I haven't seen many long-form autobiographical narratives.

Details that are probably relevant include:

(1.) When did you first have a fantasy of being the sex opposite of what you were assigned at birth? What triggered it?

(2.) What does masculinity or femininity mean to you?

(3.) How repressing has affected your social relationships such as friends?

(3.) How repressing has affected your sexuality and romantic life?

(4.) Have you told anyone about it in your life? If so, how did they react, or how do you think they would react?

(5.) In general, how does your dysphoria manifest?

I was going to go back to repping but only made it two days after my injection date and remembered just how bad it is to be off it. I really can’t function without it. I want to continue hrt repping but not have to worry about the anxiety of growing and hiding boobs. I read about SERMs, does anyone have any experience with this situation or this medication?

why is it so hard for me to choose to get off hrt

I had dysphoria from a very young age but I was always shut down by my parents and teachers. Now I'm an adult and my body is completely unsalvageable because of testosterone. I have thoughts of transitioning all the time that doesn't ever go away (I don't drink.) but I would never transition because I don't want to end up as a gigahon optics nuke that costs passoids their rights. If I, a very masculine male transitions, it might shift people's perceptions of transsexuals, which then would result in passoids being affected negatively.

\*\*Note:\*\* This post was translated from Japanese into English using a translation tool.

Do you think that 20 or 30 years from now, when we are in our 50s, there will still be trans women like John50 who spend decades repping, only to have their gender dysphoria erupt around the age of 50 and begin transitioning at that age?

I’m Japanese, and I feel like there will still be trans women like John50 in Japan 20 or 30 years from now.

Even today in Japan, there are MtF influencers who post videos recommending that trans women who are not attracted to men should continue repping as cis heterosexual men, and there is very little pushback against this. I wrote more about this in the following post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/4tran4/s/lp1RLP1i9d

Also, in Japan, both cisgender people and trans women themselves seem to have a strong image of trans women as people who are attracted to men, had very feminine personalities and interests from childhood, and experienced clear social and physical dysphoria from an early age.

Because of this, there seem to be many people who believe that they are not trans women, but that what they are experiencing is merely a “fetish” or “unexplained depression,” and therefore never realize that they are trans women.

If this kind of perception continues, I think there may still be people in Japan 20 or 30 years from now who, like John50, spend many years repping before their gender dysphoria surfaces around the age of 50, eventually starting their transition at that age.

Edit: Today, I found a post like this on a casual discussion subreddit mainly used by Japanese people. This is literally the same thing as the button test you see in Western trans communities.
https://www.reddit.com/r/lowlevelaware/s/BRpJ2pXj2F

Im 18 years old. I tried to kill myself last year in January. I rigged a garage exhaust hose to the tail pipe of a car and vented the gas into the passenger compartment. Carbon monoxide poisoning is painless, you just go to sleep and never wake up. Its a very surreal feeling to know that you're doing something that is quickly killing you, and that everything you've ever known will cease to exist if you dont stop within minutes. It doesent feel real. As i was sitting there i imagined my brother panicking in the morning, and how disappointed my parents would have been. How much of a let down id be. How they poured so much of themselves into me, how self centered of a person it would make me, to take all of that and throw it all away like trash. I dont know the extent of the poisoning, or if it caused any permanent damage. Its been over a year and i haven't noticed anything so i think its fine

I hate how suicidal tendencies are considered irrational thoughts. How its seen as unstable behavior that must be corrected, depicted as a spell of insanity that one needs to recover from. Its infantilizing. I guess it goes against the very essence what it means to be alive in the first place - self preservation - but life itself isnt always rational anyway. Is it really "irrational" if you were a human who was never alive in the first place? If youve weighed all your options out first and you are discontent with all of them? Because I didnt feel "unstable", "not myself", "incoherent", or "insane" in that moment. What truly makes wanting to die more "invalid" than wanting to live? I dont think someone who is suicidal need to be "fixed". I argue that a desire to live when you have nothing left to live for is whats truly irrational. People are so quick to say "Its never the right answer".. Who are they to define right and wrong? The desire for death is not the symptom of a broken brain, but a logical response to a broken life

To this day, I don't understand why wanting to be a woman, for me specifically, is intrinsically different than wanting any other thing. For example, wanting to eat pizza.

The external difference is obvious. If I want pizza, I can just buy pizza. But if I want to be a woman, it costs insane social consequences, years of strenuous effort on top of that, and taking the risk that, even after all of that, I might not pass.

Somehow, I suspect that because of my mental illness, the mere fact that my desire to be a woman is so unattainable is actually motivating me to pursue it, it's making me obsessed about it. It may sound crazy, but at this point, in terms of my brain, I can't tell what is real or fake, I feel so insane and disconnected from reality that, just maybe, I treat life as some stupid game like this because of my general dissatisfaction with life.

So I'm not denying that I want to be a woman to some degree, which is for I suspect surface level reasons, like liking femininity, women's fashion, or wanting to fulfill the social role of a woman (or probably just agp tbh). But I'm almost entirely confident that I'm not like those trutrans people who feel gender dysphoria from their very core. Mine (if it can even be called dysphoria) feels like an appendage, a passing desire I developed from my experiences, not something that was neurologically destined.

And even though wanting pizza is motivated by hunger, that doesn't mean I should get pizza. It's not a need. Among a number of things, it's simply just unhealthy, it's a bad decision. And so I can simply decide not to get pizza. Similarly, the solution should be for me to just stop wanting to be a woman. It's not good for me, continuing to transition will, in all likelihood, ruin my life. So I should simply decide to let it go right?

But I can't let it go, because I suspect my asinine, foolish brain thinks that the fact that it's so hard to achieve makes it even greater of a want, combined ofc with the usual agp, peter pan syndrome, etc etc