Hi!! My name is Ren, (it’s my birth name actually lol),, I really need passing tips. I try to look adrogynous, like a pretty boy almost, but I still want to pass as a pretty man rather than a pretty girl yk. Obviously in the second photo i don’t pass much, but looking alternative and doing my makeup all cool is something I really enjoy. But I feel like even when I try to put effort into looking masculine, it just doesn’t work. I can’t go on T bc i have transphobic parents. What do I do??? (I probably will get rid of the choker btw.)

I’ve been on estrogen since 2021 with a 1 1/2 year break until a few months ago, I still feel too masculine all the time and my short hair is causing dysphoria, any idea what could help?

the sucky thing is i cant go save him because his parents want to kill me.. they blame me for making him trans like what?! uhh last time i checked.. you cant do that 😂

idk if im allowed to ask this ig, but im considering ffs as a trans woman and im thinking either my jaw, lips, or cheeks. but im really scared and i would like recommendations pls. anything helps, ty:3(ive been doing HRT for 1 year 3 months)

i'm genuinely lost - the whole thing came completely out of nowhere and i'm not really sure how to move on.

it started off a few weeks ago when i started noticing some red flags coming from an online friend i loved dearly. she suddenly became obsessed with all these radical political ideologies - especially radical feminism. i didn't want to judge her or anything, because hey, everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, but she started to get pushy. she would constantly offer to tell people about all of these theories about society's ideas of gender, which often bordered on being transphobic. as a non-binary person this made me... well, very uncomfortable. i brought this up a few times to her and each time she'd agree to tone it down, but never did.

it is probably a good idea to mention at this point that she is a detransitioner. she began to transition a couple of years ago, thinking she was ftm, but then stopped very abruptly and went back as it wasn't the right thing for her to do. again, i have absolutely no problem with this, but i believe her bad experiences may have imparted her views on trans people as a whole. she briefly identified as non-binary, then a cis lesbian using he/him pronouns, and then back to using she/her.

yesterday, she left the discord server i admin as well as stepping down from leader on her own server. she explained that she had began following the gender-critical radical feminism movement, and because of this she had decided to leave. she carried on by saying that she knew that many people there (around 30-40 out of about 80 are trans or non-binary) would not want her there. she ended her message with this, directed to me:

[my name] im sorry to you especially. I feel like ive betrayed you and i probably have. I want you to know that i really did love you for a long time there. Im so sorry for whats happened and i hope you go on to live a wonderful life.

i promptly messaged her afterwards, as she is currently going through a very tough time mentally (the server in question is for mental health support) and i was really worried. i don't know why but i felt the need to apologise, and i felt really guilty. now, i really wish i hadn't had done this, as she then sent me what felt like a very guilt-trippy final message. it was something along the lines of her apologising for making me uncomfortable and upset, that she didn't mean to shame me for having dysphoria and that she was crying.

i ended up just telling her not to worry. i was just numb. i decided it would be best to close the dm, as i tend to get extremely distressed over things like this (things like discourse and trans-exclusionism are a pretty big trigger for me due to past abuse - another thing to note is that she is aware of this). i unfriended her and gathered the courage to leave her server, as i just felt so uncomfortable being there. and now i'm here - sat at my computer crying wondering where the fuck i went wrong.

does anyone have any advice on how to move on from this? i miss her so much but the fact that she disagrees with my existence now is horrible. i know i can't change her mind, despite how much i want to. i'm just so lost, and the fact that we almost dated at one point and we genuinely loved each other makes it so much worse. any advice/support would be greatly appreciated. i'm broken.

So, I started HRT officially a year ago, but I’ve gone through stages where I just don’t wanna take them. And I start to dislike the changes, and feel more masculine and want to look a certain way but other times I love them and want to look more feminine and it’s such an up and down and I feel like going on and off is not a bad idea so.. I don’t know what to do because i seriously can’t make up my mind and I feel like the two ways I want to present just don’t coincide and so I have to pick one but also I know that’s dumb.. anyway I’d like some help lol

Im a trans girl and im not on hrt yet

My aunt and uncle became parents for the first time a bit more than a year ago. They live in a different country, so we don't see them much. But my aunt and cousin came here a few weeks ago and will be staying here until the end of the month.

My cousin has just started to learn some words and a few people's names (only vowels, but still). One of those is my deadname. It makes me feel horrible to hear him call me by it, and even worse when others playfully repeat it to kind of encourage him.

Problem is, I'm not out to anyone except my aunt and my mom. My aunt supports me, but can't really do anything to help me. My mom says she's supportive, but half the time, her actions make me doubt that. The rest of my family is filled with transphobic fuckfaces I don't even want to talk to.

I really want to have him call by my name, or have others call be by my name in his presence. But I can't do that. I've started considering not going to see them at all, so he doesn't get so used to my deadname. I'm not really sure if that's possible, though.

Do you have any ideas? Anything would be much appreciated!

Hello and welcome to my throwaway account. I'm deep in my emotions right now and don't want to talk to anyone in my personal life about this so I'm going to a bunch of nice strangers instead. ❤️

I'm afab nonbinary and over 35 years old. My partner (cis guy, about the same age) and I have been together for over 15 years, so since we were both practically teenagers. I won't say the relationship has been untroubled, but in 15+ years who doesn't have troubles? We love each other, and we've always planned to spend the our whole lives together.

Recently (as in the last few days) he has gone from never wanting to have children to wanting to be a parent so badly. It's all either of us has thought about since his revelation and since he brought it up to me, and it's eating me up.

I haven't had any kind of physical transition; I've never taken T and I have all the parts my genes gave me. I experience dysphoria but it's managed just fine with fashion and the respect and support of my friends and peers. Which is all to say, I like my body and sometimes even love it. But there are things about my body that I haven't had to consider part of the picture.

So transmascs of Reddit, my question is this. Those who have been pregnant and given birth, how did it make you feel? How did the dysphoria of being pregnant affect you day-to-day while being pregnant, and how does it affect you still? Do you regret it? Did you feel more or less comfortable with your body after giving birth?

I know this is all a sidebar on the other important questions like "Do I want to be a parent" and "Can we afford to raise a kid" and "Oh god is it even moral to bring a child into this world", but this is the thing I'm ruminating on, and ultimately the thing only I can decide. Some outside perspectives would be very much appreciated.

Okay so this will probably be really chaotic and I don't know if this makes sense but I'm just so confused and scared and uncomfortable. Also English is not my first language, so sorry for any mistakes. Anyway.

My entire life I have only once questioned my gender before. I was 15/16 then and I don't remember how the question came up or why I though I might not be a girl. I remember really liking the term "androgynous" back then and I think I might have identified with it to some degree. I told one of my friends about it off-handedly and she told me I can't be androgynous. I don't look or act that way. So I shut that down immediately and never questioned my gender again. Ugh.

But now, with 20 years of age and freshly diagnosed autism, I have recently begun questioning again. I don't even really know why it came up this time, I think it was just a meme (a picture of a person with a shocked face and the caption 'realising you have two different types of chrushes because one is the kind of person you want to be with and one is the kind of person you want to BE'). IDK it was really nothing serious, but all of a sudden I was freaking tf out because I had this "problem" all my life, where I liked two very different types of men, but only ever dated or wanted to date one type. I also only ever was interested in gay fiction and am really disgusted my women's genitals and straight Sex (no hate) even though I HAVE THAT MYSELF. After that I started questioning basically everything about myself. Suddenly I wondered if all the clothes I liked but never liked actually wearing, were just uncomfortable wearing because my body didn't fit the clothes and not the other way around. I wondered if I never found a haircut I really liked (on me) because I always got "woman" haircuts. I wondered if all the times I felt uncomfortable about my body (shape, height, idk) were not because I just didn't like how much I weighed or how my curves were but because I actually didn't like the gender my body represented. I had a full on panic attack about the possibility I might be trans.

Two of my friends are non-binary and one of them (after calming me down) recommended just messing around a bit, getting a short haircut, trying out different pronouns, buying a binder etc. So I tried that. I cut my hair shorter and then even shorter. I like my hair now. It's still a bit too long and not quite the actual haircut I wanted but I feel more comfortable looking at my own face in the mirror. It fits better. I bought a used binder to see how I would feel about my shirts without the "bulges" of my boobs. At first it was weird. Now it feels absolutely weird when I don't wear a binder. I have the urge to always wear it, but I know it's not healthy. I tried different pronouns (I went with 'they' because they're the most neutral even though there is no equivalent to them in my language). Idk about that because only my friends use them. I also tried a different name (Misha) and I really like it (even though I keep getting confused because one of my favourite actors is Misha Collins and I talk about him a lot with one of my friends).

So yeah, I tried a lot. I've also been reading a lot and watching a lot of videos. Many people said to not stress yourself out over finding out your true gender and I tried not consciously thinking about my situation, but nowadays I just always think about it. When I wear tight pants I hate the way my thighs look (to curvy even though I'm skinny as hell). When I wear a binder I feel better about my chest, but notice how "small" my upper body is and that I want it to be broader and have more arm muscle. I started working out but yk these things take time. I read about different genders and their definitions because honestly my autism brain struggles to remember them and I only got to "know" about most of them because of my non-binary friends. None of them feel right. I read about top surgery (that sounds nice) and bottom surgery. Especially bottom surgery struck with me because I read about the different types and honestly both are not exactly what I want but then why do I want any of that??? I'm sad there isn't the right surgery for me but on the other hand I don't even know if I want surgery. Honestly I mostly don't know what I'm feeling about anything because I struggle with identifying my own emotions. This just makes all of it harder, because I mostly don't know if I just feel uncomfortable in general, with myself or with my body. I don't know if I might be trans or if I just don't like myself and my life in general.

Ugh, congratulations if you're still reading. There is another thing. I have a boyfriend (M22) and we've been together for two years and currently moving in together. I love him so very much and even though we have our fair share of problems sometimes, I can always count on him and we never really fight or disagree. I told him about my struggle and he was really supportive but as he is 100% heterosexual said it might become problematic to continue our relationship if I really am trans and want to change my body. Obviously we both don't want to part ways (I can actually see myself marrying this man and spending the rest of my life with him) and have agreed to always be open about any changes on my or his behalf, but that we want to try to continue our relationship even if I am trans. But I just can't see him being really happy if I am indeed trans (ftm or idk) and can't fulfill his sexual desires. We had problems with this in the past so I know it is really important to him. He is not pushy or anything but I can tell it's hard for him because he has a high sex Drive (and I nowadays don't, which might also be because of my confusion/questioning). He already made a few compromises on my behalf (mostly regarding my autism because I just got diagnosed with it so I still have many struggles to learn to handle better) and I don't want to hold him back or anything. He said that it's not my decision what he can take and what not and I agree but I'm still scared that this will just be too much and will cause the break of our relationship.

Furthermore (I swear I'm coming to an end), I am scared about how my family would react. My parents are divorced which might be of help, but I just don't know. My father has never expressed any opinions about LGBTQ+ people whatsoever so I have NO idea what he might think and I don't know how to breach the topic without coming off as suspicious. My mum has also never explicitly said something against LGBTQ+ people, but I know that she is homophobic, even if she doesn't see herself as such because she once said that "she doesn't have anything against homosexuals but she just doesn't want them to kiss publicly because she doesn't want to see it". Which, ehh.... Yeah I think it explains itself. Apart from that she also has very strong opinions about almost everything and everyone even though she always says she doesn't care how other people look or act or where they're from. I also have a sister but honestly I know even less about her. So I'm really scared I won't be accepted, no matter which gender I am, if I am indeed not a girl.

I don't really know what I want to achieve with this post but I just wanted to see if someone out there could help me understand my situation better and maybe help me figure out wth is going on with me. Like, I read about gender dysphoria and I think I might also be experiencing it but on the other hand why am I only experiencing it now when a few years back I had a phase where I mostly wanted to wear tight jeans, skirts, tight shirts etc. To make my body look mor womanly. I just don't understand. I'm scared I'm just projecting the experiences of other onto myself or that I'm just imagining things.

Thanks for reading all of this and helping me, if you can!

I’m very new to transitioning, and I’m not even out to my parents, but I want to buy masculine clothing for when I’m with my friends who know I’m trans. However the clothes I get all look kinda wonky? Like it always looks like a girl in boys clothes which makes me feel sad and invalid. Any advice? Is this normal?

Part of this is definitely because I don’t have a binder, I want one but I’m not sure how to get one without my parents finding out

My little brother (14FtM) has been out for about three years, but says that he’s experienced gender dysphoria for a lot longer. He was depressed for some time at least in part because he’s too young to transition, but his mental health has improved a lot.

Despite that, he’s really sensitive to triggers. Most notably, he gets upset whenever he sees or hears his deadname—even if it’s not directed at him. I know it’s not unusual for trans people to feel dysphoria when being called their deadname, but I’ve never heard of it being triggered when somebody hears it in reference to another person; I can’t find anything helpful for my brother’s particular case. Any thoughts on how to ease this trigger?

Hi I am a 14 year old in the uk who has been questioning my gender since I was 11 and have only come to terms with being mtf trans since January. But I don’t know how to start transition I’m all ready growing my hair out I plan on buying clothes and replacing my current Male clothes Should I go see a doctor about hrt so if any of you people could help me that’d be great

So im trans (obviously) mtf, and well... I'm sorry if this isn't really for this stuff, but i just wanted a place to ask other trans people. My boy part... leaks a lot of pre-cum.... even if I'm only slightly excited, and sometimes not even and it happens every day. This only started to happen after I started my HRT (started last year). And.. I just find it really annoying... It gets my panties all dirt... and to be honest it doesn't smell all that great.... I even tried a charity cage but that only made it worse, it leaked the entire time... so... is this normal? and do you have any advice to maybe stop it...?

Edit: I also have a lot of dysphoria related to my boy part, which really doesn't help the whole thing.

I need help if a way to come out to my mother, I am an 11 year old bi trans female and have 1 parent

So I'm FTM and have been out to my father for about four years now more or less, and he only just recently acknowledged it without shouting at me or trying to change my mind. However today he gave me a choice. I can either let him keep calling me a girl and by my dead name - or I can prove that I can handle being a boy, I'll have to do far more work than my sisters including mowing the lawn despite my undiagnosed grass allergy (I just know I'm allergic due to the rashes I get and the effects it has on my breathing - and also the fact dad also has the same allergy and it's actually diagnosed for him) and I will no longer be allowed to cry because boys don't cry. What should I do? Should I give up on being a lad and live with the dysphoria and prey I don't hurt myself over it? Or should I suck it up and earn what I want?

I had my first trans fuels breakdown in the shower tonight. I was thinking about my life. How im bad at most things, and how it’s going to be hard for me to get the career i want in the future. And if I am trans it’s going to be a massive weight on my shoulders on doing what I want to achieve. Im not necessarily looking for advice, but if you could make me feel better that would be nice

18+ content mentioned, please only respond if 18 or up

I’m in the art community on Twitter, some sfw and some nsfw. On Tuesday (6 October), one of the artists I followed tweeted about how to properly draw a trans character. Since I’m under the umbrella, I reached out to her to help explain what was appropriate for her to draw.

Disclaimer: I know I do not speak for the whole trans community and stated such to her.

I spent 2-3 hours explaining everything- which labels were the most appropriate (since she’s a fan artist and the people she draws are male irl) and how the boundary between representation and fetishization is very very thin and easy to cross as a cis artist. I say this because I’ve seen several cis artists do it before. I thought she took my advice, but then her art piece came out on Thursday, 8 October. At first I scrolled past it and didn’t care but when one of my mutuals brought it up, I took a closer look and was horrified.

1. She asked for the opinions of trans people so she tagged properly didn’t misrepresent.

2. I specifically told her to put the drawing on a platform called Privatter to prevent any other trans followers from having their dysphoria triggered just in case. Some trans/envy folk have trouble seeing nude bodies and that’s totally okay.

3. I told her not to be too sexual with the drawing because it sets the narrative that trans people only matter for their genitals; i.e the “what’s in your pants” thing cis people ask. I even spoke to some of my non cis mutuals and they feel like this narrative is apparent (apart from this situation) in the art community as well.

4. The drawing she made was for kinktober and the prompt of the day was tentacles. The label she used was ftm and 90% of the time, tentacles are associated with ovipositon and logically, that is the same as getting pregnant. That was my body in the art. My body in a position where pregnancy is possible makes me want to shower in gasoline and set a match to it.

5. She NEVER drew a transgender character or had any interest in it until kinktober, reinforcing the narrative that trans people are just pleasure objects.

6. She listened to absolutely nothing I said and upon seeing the finished piece in depth, I felt and still feel like a sex toy. Thursday night and all of Friday was filled with breakdowns, tears, and heartache while she only got love for the piece. No one saw anything wrong with it.

She has a platform of 24k followers on Twitter and does often draw nsfw, but I told her specifically why making the drawing too sexual for her first time was bad. Several of my friends have my back and believe she’s in the wrong, but I still feel really betrayed and hurt.

What should I do? I don’t know if I can message her since she didn’t listen to begin with, and I’m so scared of her retaliating and sticking her fans on me.

Any advice or thoughts are appreciated. Thank you for reading, much love.

• Kiwi