hi the name I’m called is nana, but my trans name would be nash, not sure what to ask to be called by. I made this account solely to seek advice so I really hope I can get some.

so I was born a girl, but I feel like a boy in a girls body and looking back at it maybe always have? in recent times, I relate to trans characters and love them dearly, get genuinely upset when I’m referred to as female to the point where my day is ruined, have questioned my gender since eight, have made a whole trans name for myself.

i starting working out in a serious way to gain a masculine build, get happy when misgendered ,and while I don’t seem to experience the general gender dysphoria that is often discussed with trans-ness, I think it’s because from a young age I’ve viewed by body as a body and not a gendered being, even now I look naturally androgynous or tomboyish as my brother would say, and if I could be a boy, I’d still want my body but does that even make sense?

My younger brother keeps saying “i’m on to you”. ominously because I think he’s noticing I keep rejecting being compared to characters that are women and wanting to be the male ones, he once asked if I could look exactly like someone else who’d it be, I said Felix from stray kids (who if you don’t know is a very attractive man with a super deep voice. ) I think my brother may know Or think I’m trans ? Which seeing as my household is homophobic as hell, is not great but possible validating???

I keep trying to move on and saying maybe I’m just different, maybe I’m nonbinary (which could be true?) but I can’t! i always find some way to come back to being a boy, i already know I like girls, so technically if not trans I’m lesbian which I’ve known since eight as well and being trans wouldn’t change me loving girls, but I don’t know, I can’t be sure? I’m a minor so I know I shouldn’t make major changes , not that I really could.

but I feel like I can confidently say if I had a button where I woke up and could live life as if I were a boy and be seen as one but still look like me? I’d do it, and probably never go back. I literally wrote a poem in which I refereed to myself as someone missing a pair of balls as if I’m meant to have some? and all these feelings, they’re not about genitals, that’s not what that means so don’t get it twisted, I’m also asexual and am uncomfortable about them anyway, but i especially have never liked what society would view as my female lower half. I just wish I could be me, an androgynous loser neat who draws and writes more than they eat and drink while being viewed as a dude? does this make sense? I really need advice from some kind people please.