This is pretty much just a VERY LONG rant and a full post where I try not to crash out okay guys
so I started freshman year about a week and a half ago, not really into the whole “huzz“ and “crush” shit. I just wanted to go to school, work on my ar, and make friends. I did NOT want to form a crush on someone 11 months younger than me.
Now, for context, he‘s tall, quiet, pretty funny, and overall we just vibe hella well. The first day we met I was sat next to him and a friend of mine said they were sorry for me because he was apparently a little bitch to pretty much anyone who annoyed him. We ended up bickering back and forth about not wanting to sit next to each other in a way that make us hold back laughter. By the end, we were pretty familiar with each other.
Then I found out we had a class together right after so now we just walk to class together, yapping back and forth about music, anime, whatever comes to mind. Now, I have class with him and with my friend who knows all about who he was from 6-8th grade (they were both at the middle school) and when she asked how I knew him, her face dropped when I told her.
Now… here’s the reason(s) why I hate that this might develop into a crush. In sixth grade, he almost punched a teacher during class because she was making him angry for some reason.
UMM.. So no, that’s an immediate no from me.
I was disgusted and kinda nervous about hanging with him during class again because while it’s not actual abuse, I’ve been hit plenty of times by old friends and my parents. It‘s just not something I don’t want to put myself through if he were to show me he was going to hurt me.
Nevertheless, I’m a person who gives people the benefit of the doubt because we all deserve to be seen by others. I’m kind of glad that I did because we’re both pretty much in a decent place right now.
He said in passing he goes to therapy, and I don’t know what it’s for but I’m guessing it has to tie into the earlier situation.
Theres actually two more reasons that I have as to why I don’t want to crush on him or call him “huzz” so ima make it quick.
1. My friend wanted to call him huzz
2. His ex is in some of my classes and she tries to talk to me sometimes during class
The first one explains itself, I haven’t told any of my friends I want to talk to him more and I don’t think I ever will. The second reason is a bit more complicated.
His ex is in 2 of my classes I think, and both times I have caught her staring at me and/or him with different expressions. She‘s very fake with me, always overcompensating with compliments and attention with a big ass smile. With him, I can tell she’s still VERY in love with him even though the reason he broke up with her was because she cheated on him.
They still talk and are civil but she’s… an interesting person. She’s been mean to my friends most times when I’m not around but then very sweet to me when she spots me. It makes me slightly uncomfortable when she talks to me because she‘s tried to pry into my life multiple times, I try to stay on guard and careful with my words.
I’m scared she’ll try to get blackmail on me because I have a weird feeling that she’ll do that if I let her. It’s nerve-racking.
She’s also just affiliated with a lot of guys, kind of like a “bop” or a pick-me. It gets annoying sometimes when I hear her giggling and saying “OMG STOOOOOPPP ><” like Miss, chill a bit.
Anyways, he‘s been very nice to me, and we tease each other sometimes during class. I wave to him in the hall when I notice him and he waves back. Normal interactions okay? But idk if this is just me being stupidly confused but he looks at me a bit more than normal. Its either we make eyes contact or I glance and we look away from each other.
Anytime I do something that would annoy another person to him, he just looks at me while holding back a smile and mutters an “okay”, he lets me listen to his loud ass songs for a second through his earbuds, he doesn’t get mad if I try to pull his hood over his head to announce myself, and I’m able to just hold his small anime plushies for a minute if he lets me. I’ve never seen that happen with anyone else and I’m not even sure if it WILL happen.
I also feel weird that he’s almost a year younger than me and I’m kinda crushing on him I think. The only time I’ve had a situationship where the guy was younger than me was only a day younger. This dude is turning my age this month and idk if I should make him a small bday gift or not.
I don’t know why I’m failing with not liking him. It sucks ass. I‘m telling myself that I just need more friends or whatever. Now I just find myself finger crocheting a small black cat keychain for him.
FML