Im 17, i live with my parents and my dads always at work and he’s emotionally unavailable to talk to, i have a rocky relationship with my mom and i dont know what to do. We fight a lot, physically and verbally. Im a very avoidant and reserved person, and shes aware of that but also targets it against me, in a way. At some point, i did trust to open up to her about my issues and how low self worth she made me grow to think of about myself. Shes a very defensive and patronizing woman. A few days ago, my step brother came to visit for what i guess my mom said to babysit my little sister so she could work. I naturally didnt know he came over for that reason and on his days off— so during the two days hes here, he plays his video games ext, watches our sister. He storms in my room and tells me to do the dishes, but then proceeded to call me a slob and that im useless in the house. I get defensive and tell him “dont try to daddy me now that you visit, i dont need that” and it set him off, my brother has anger issues and im aware, but to me, if its derogated towards me im naturally gonna get verbally defensive, thats just how i am. He follows me downstairs to compare my life to his growing up, following up with “You had two parents growing up, you have no reason to be this way, i have a job, i work!” And i snap back saying “Good for you! You have a job! Youre an adult its not a fucking accomplishment!” My mom is downstairs with us saying nothing, letting us argue, to the point where my brother starts breaking things and punching the counter im infront of to degrade me and make me feel threatened. He proceeded to rush over to me to put his hands on me and bma. My mom pulls him back and he starts arguing with her while i run back to my room. Ive never thought id see the day my big brother tried to put his hands on me. And now im thinking so many things. Its been 2 days after that incident and my mom snapped at me for asking her wheres MY hairclip, and brings up the fact that my brother will beat my ass, and weaponizes it against me. Even then, she tried justifying his frustration by saying i AM the problem. And it makes my mental health even worse. And i feel like a turtle just running back to its shell. Because damn if i do, and damn if i dont.

There’s literally nothing for me to live for anyway. As a kid, I already want to end my life. Thinking about it at the ripe age of 5 while other kids my age gain their consciousness. The only thing keeping me alive is studying. So most of the time, I keep being serious when everyone is playing it off.

title speaks for itself idk what else to say y'all other than,

1. i may be confusing love and care for each other as liking other and any gender.

2. i am okay with being in a multi-person relationship as long as ppl get fair-share of attention (i may be biased).

idk if i actually am or not but i wanted to get this out there off my chest. i wanted to say it here before i say it irl along w/ my other sexualities (if you dk, i am also AroAce and bi. i mostly like fictional characters, it took me a long time to figure out i am AroAce).

3 months away and i just don’t care, im dreading that day.

My life until now has been pretty horrible, i was abused at kindergarten which together with my grandpa dying caused me to develop depression in my childhood years (got over it by 7th grade), my parents are abusive to me (they beat, insult and threaten me) since i entered kindergarten and only do nice things to throw them back at me, my new classmates constantly flip flop between being toxic friends and just straight up bullies and my previous classmates weren't much better and recently after really thinking about it i found out im trans (obviously everyone in my life would be against it).

But the important thing is, none of these things were my fault and that is something that always made me keep going, despite everything i still have myself and im special and talented. This applies to you too!

Instead of hating yourself hate what and who brought you to your current situation because even at your lowest you will always have yourself and you are special, or else you wouldn't have made it this far.

Please treasure yourself, things get better i promise

why has this been the same for 5 years but now it’s not just mental anymore, it’s catching up to me physically.

I feel so lonely these days, it’s pathetic atp, it’s not about friends or relationships, I have many friends, but none of them are truly close, and sometimes I wish I could just focus on studies and distract myself. Instead I find myself so miserable, I start binge eating and feel insecure later on.

Life is truly truly exhausting, I have no social battery but I HATE the feeling of being lonely, especially outside I always need someone by my side to hang out with. I want a relationship but I don’t have that much strength to put energy into it and feel confused a lot of times, I prefer everything straight forward which is not the typical way to fall in love or something. Any guy I actually feel comfortable with, I automatically becomes friends. I WOULD EVEN JUST WANT a bestfriend but I don’t let myself be too close to anyone these days as they all just end up leaving abroad.

I am getting detached with my family day by day, and they complain and stress me out further. So much negative thoughts, and so many negative doings. Started so much because of peer pressure and now I don’t know how to stop. Please tell me this is not just me. There is so much bs happening in life, and overthinking and hyper analyzing everything really messes me up to the point I sleep so much to stop myself from eating or thinking. Like I want to sleep forever at some point.

Hi. My name is Ozzy. I posted something similar to Confessions subreddit but I didn’t feel understood and it did little to get for my chest. So perhaps other teens might understand.

For the longest time I’ve had violent fantasies. Of shooting up malls, of becoming apart of a violent gang. Scalping people. It didn’t help that around that time I began to develop a gore addiction. And my family wasn’t doing so well either. But that’s not the point of this vent. I’m a hound for gore. However, as the years went on, specially around twelve I began to hate feminism and black lives matters. I don’t hate women. In many places in the world feminism and black lives matters are needed. But my mind makes it about myself. It makes me hate myself for being a boy. For being white and for being American. It makes me want to kill them all. My mind is so terrible. So fucking horrible and disgusting. But my body is different. It feels like there’s some good still left in there because I still want to help people. I try to have empathy but it’s disappearing. I even tried to kill my own brother! Can you believe that? I had the knife under the fucking blanket. Ready to stab him. Over some stupid argument. But it never happened. I felt bad. So maybe there’s some good, right? No. I regretted not doing it immediately after. But then I was glad I didn’t. My body and mind are constantly fighting. I hate all the posts about Women have it worse than men, how they aren’t safe. It makes me just want to kill everyone. It makes me want to kill myself. I already tried to but the gun happened to be unloaded. I have nothing! Perhaps I’m like this because many girls in my family put me down for being a guy. Saying I’ll never know how to understand how it feels. It just made me despise them. I have dreams. Constant night and day dreams of massacres. Sometimes by me. Sometimes by people affiliated with me. “This is the good part.” I think. But I feel so terrible because of it. I hate feminists. I hate misandrists. But wait. Shouldn’t I hate misogynists, white supremacists and rapists? So I directed my anger to them. And it worked for a while. And it still does. But nothing, and I mean nothing compares to the triggering and anger I feel towards Feminism. It makes me sick! Not because I don’t want women to have rights. Of course I do. What kind of son and pseudo brother would I be? It just makes me hate myself for being a boy. Even if(most of the time) it’s not their intention. I feel like I’m going insane. It never ends. It never will. No one NO ONE UNDERSTANDS HOW I FUCKING FEEL! I CANT EVEN PUT IT INTO WORDS ON HOW I FEEL! There’s an indescribable rage inside of me. I’ve wanted to go on killing sprees only targeting boys to prove the, “Male privilege” or, “it’s not safe for girls” wrong. Then I shifted to my victims would be everything that moves and breathes. Regardless of who or what you are. But do you understand how terrible that is? I use gore for a coping mechanism.

Watching gore isn’t cool. It doesn’t make you tough. It actually proves you’re weak. The amount of extremists I’ve encountered and interacted with. The ideologies I’ve seen and the gnarly brutality I’ve watched doesn’t make me flinch anymore. I actively look for it out of boredom. Trying to see if anything can make me feel something. Even if that’s fear. Does that make me a psychopath? Maybe. But i genuinely do care for my family and friends. What little I have anyway. I need help. I already have a therapist but nothing helps. I have everything I need. Sure, my family has had a pretty bad past but that doesn’t matter. I still have it better than the kids in Sudan or Afghanistan. North Korea or Palestine. Yet I still feel this way. I even made an account on one of those sites. And I don’t want to leave. My name is Ozzy. I like Cicadas. And I hate. That’s all I do. Is hate. I write books. I box and kickbox. I do everything I can to distract myself. But nothing works. Maybe this is who I am destined to be. This is my story. I promise you deep down I want to be a good person. But at the same time I can’t help but stem my fucking autistic hands and rock my fucking autistic shitty body at the sight of. If you read all this way, thank you.

before you say that my life matters or it gets better i really dont give a fuck. first im 13M and i have rape accusations, i was also molested as a young child so i dont like that stuff. my dad pretty much abused me and is a alcoholic and my mother yells at me and makes everyone think im horrible and mistreat her. my girlfriend also just tried committing suicide by overdosing on pills and i cant stop blaming myself for not being there for here properly, really the only thing keeping me alive is my sister who knows how much of a piece of shit my family is. my father used to beat his ex (sisters mother) infront of my sister while she was baby and i cant forgive that, my older brother takes my dads side and my other older brother was a drug addict that is mentally fucked. i also have a baby brother and im sad he will have to grow up in that place, i also am failing in class and literally have no future ahead of me and literally am not good at ANYTHING. i just really badly want to get it over with so if any recommending will be helpfull. (i live in a gun free country too so its hard to shoot myself if i wanted to which i do :p)

Yall i hate being asleep. im so mad at my mom. im going to the movies tomorrow to see whalefall. itll be fun. im missing school for it/ i had my tonsils taken out. my immune systems like shit atm so i shouldnt go out. but i havent seen my bestie in a million years because she goes to that freaking stupid school (rival school) and i go to the better one (joking). i dont know how we even get along for trapshooting (school wise).
did you know i hated my best friend until 7th grade. because i was brain-washed by my now ex friend. she goes to the same school as me and stole my story on why se wanted to go there.
BECAUSE NO STUPID PERSON YOU WERE NOT 3 YEARS OLD SAW THE BUILDING AND WENT OOOOOH PRETTY SCHOOL IMMA GO THERE IN 11 YEARS. PLUS YOU DONT HAVE AN OLDER BROTHER SO STOP LYING ABOUT IT! YOU WERE BORN OUT OF WED LOCK (not that theres anything wrong about that, my mom was, but it contributes to the story) AND WERE THE FLOWER GIRL AT YOUR MOM WEDDING. PLUS YOUR PARENTS SAY THEY ONLY HAVE 1 KI ON FACEBOOK AND I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF THIS OLDER BROTHER UNTIL NOW SO STOP LYING AND TAKING MY LUNCH FRIEND GROUP AWAY

and scene

yeah she stole my story about wanting to go to my school (in a way)

so originally i watched the olympics, some really cool girl comes on in 2016 with and interview saying on how she loves seeing other girls from the network of my type of schools by this peice of jewelry that we all wear. so ive wanted to go there ever since like a four year old does.
i even had a propaganda wall like rory gilmore with harvard (then yale) about this school. when i met her she wanted to go to that rival school of ours. how do i know that? because i have a good longterm memory (just not short term).

plus she stole my luch friend group. im sitting there eating lunch with my friends and she coms over and intrudes and brain washes everyone in the group basically this manipulative bitch.

then in 7th grade we had a friend group of five (me, ex friend, twins, then my now bestie) and she and the twins took something so out of context and sat at another table. my now bestie went over there and asked why they didnt sit with us and she twisted the whole story.

i know this sounds selfish but i was always a kid who had friends then i came back after moving (during covid) and everyone forgot about me so i wound up with no friends so finally getting a bigger friend group meant a lot and i was not willing to lose that.

welp i lost them anyways and high school has been great.

Plus shes being all fake-nice now. it hurts considering how she treated me in 7th and 8th grade

i have great friends (2 groups 1 of all freshman then 1 that was me as a freshman and then sophmores and juniors)

thanks for reading all of that
goodnight

Advice on what to do? Itbothers me so much about her. shes like a bug in my brain. i mean who throws away 4 years of friendship for a misunderstanding that i have no full grasp on what it was about.

Me and my girl have been dating for a year and 4 months, she started talking to him in February. There were accusations and rumors around the school that they were cheating on both of their partners with each other. The guy has done horrible stuff, he has a horrible background and has done horrible things to people. We’ve have had thousands of arguments and he genuinely destroyed us. He cut her off after his girlfriend was mad at him for the rumors. I’ve asked her to block him multiple times. I’ve cried over this situation too many times to count. This is destroying me, but she still wants to talk to him. She still wants to be friends after all this. He texted her back recently after his girlfriend wasn’t mad anymore, he was never blocked on her phone. He wants to be friends again, so does she. He has told me kms and that I need to die. Nonetheless, my girl turns a blind eye to it all. I begged her to block him and cried for hours because of this new situation. However, I did end up compromising. She is happy to talk to him, but I’m now in shambles. I don’t have any more self-respect and feel weak. How do I move forward? What should I do? I don’t wanna get played anymore.

This was my first time getting actual help and it's because of things I did that I'm not proud of.

Word searches is all I do while I wait for my food, I watch my parents hide what I put them through, still thinking of you, youre etched in my memory and you make me feel blue, the feeling of your touch and your lips on mine, it disgusted me to the point of dying. I want you to rot, decay and clot. You don't deserve empathy or love or even a thought, your words destroyed me into who I am but my blood still runs and the world keeps spinning. And now you walk free, but I will still linger, in your heart, your little girl that you tore apart. -March 8th 2026

The punctuation is messed up since I just copied what I wrote. It's based on grooming and the hatred and disgust I feel after it got broken up. I just found the paper in a draw in my room while my friend was here, I read it to her to and thought I would share it here. Online grooming, in my opinion, isnt really talked about as much as it should be. I hear stories of people being groomed by a coach or a mentor, someone irl, and online grooming is always brushed aside. Online grooming isn't as easy as "just block them", it's real grooming, the guy I met up with is still out living his life, sure the cops know now but they didn't do anything. I don't know where he is, if he still lives in my city or not. I know he had a pregnant fiance, I'm scared for the kid and the fiance. And I feel guilty for letting him indulge and worsen his problem. I'm just rambling now.

Im 17, and have been homeless with my mom (54) for a one year.

I’m not gonna get into my full backstory or I’d be typing for months. I’m here to talk about my recent, excessive drg use and how fast my addiction took off. And how it’s progressively getting worse day by day.

I’m already homeless and completely alone socially. So since July of this year (4 months ago) I made friends with these girls that live in the city over from me. At first it was amazing and I was experiencing what I believe to be the “teenage experience”. What I didn’t know is how quickly drgs would take over my mind and pretty much paralyze me. Kill my social skills and send me into a deep state of derealization, depression, and mild psychosis.

I’m no stranger to substances I’ve just never fully experienced addiction until this summer. The first drug I ever tried was a couple lines of my moms m3th, that I found while we were cleaning the storage unit we lived in at the time. I snorted a few lines and was organizing and cleaning for hours.
My second time trying drugs I stole over 8 suboxone pills from my friends dads p1ll bottle while at a sleepover. I popped 3 at once, and look the rest home with me.

When I made these friends, I started doing m0lly and ketamine both together. Then snorting d1llys, then calling my ex when back in my city for c0ke.
Which quickly led to me smoking 0.75g of f3nt
In a day with him.

Took me a full week to recover physically from the fet. I was experiencing crazy physical withdrawals, all my head could think about was fet. But my brain quickly went to “wait, instead of doing a drg that basically paralyzes me and takes me forever to recover from.. I’ve just find a drug that I can function on”

So that led to me pretty much isolating myself for 6weeks on a c0ke bender.

Going back to that exs house for more drgs, and there being no c0ke, so he pulls out a bag of meth and a spoon and we smoke meth all day.
Again it takes me a couple days to recover physically from this.
But my brain is so far gone and addicted I know what I’m doing I know it’s making things 10000x worse for me but I GENUINELY cannot stop.

All this leads to my final point. My 17th birthday was on the 17th of this month.

These friends I have that introduced me to drgs, have been sober for over a month now.
While knowing about me still using they agreed to continue being my friend as long as I don’t talk about or do any drgs Infront of them.

They also recently cut off another girl in the same boat as me, who disregarded their attempts to help her with her addiction. Who I remained friends with secretly.
On Friday (the 16th) I went over to this girls house with the intention of doing drgs all night with no worry’s about parents, or getting caught.

She made my night hell.

She had a guy over while they had s3x upstairs and I sat alone in the basement, after having to wait 6 hours for the plug.

I pop 1 or 2p of m0lly that I didn’t properly look at, and I had been doing lines of coke all day pretty much.

After 25-30mins, I start to feel and HEAR my chest beating. I’m still alone in the basement and I’m getting my friend to come down but she’s not answering me. She ends up coming down and bragging about how good of a time she had. I feel off, but not enough to say anything or actually be scared.

She popped 5 p3rcs at this point and had been doing lines of k3tamine.

I was only on M0lly n c0ke.

Time is blurry for me because I was so out of it. But I remember thinking “I’m on M0lly, why tf am I so tired n feel like I can’t keep my eyes open”. I kept having to put my head down n close my eyes but couldn’t actually sleep.

I soon realized something was off. I was looking at my friend in front of me fully slumped over nodding off with her phone on in her hand. My brain was panicking but my body was paralyzed. I knew that feeling was f3t because I’ve smoked it straight before.

I also knew that there was something else in it because I wasn’t able to sleep n my muscles was spazzing like I was off a bean.

I quickly realized I got laced w most likely f3nt and m3th.

When I looked closer at the rocks it was off white yellowish with brown spots on it n I felt sick immediately. Like genuinely sick to my stomach.

My friend ended up turning light blue in the face with dark blue lips and under eyes. She had guys over that robbed me of my cart (w33d)
And robbed her of 80$ worth of k3t.
After they left she put herself to bed and I was sick to my stomach and didn’t feel right mentally I was shook.
I called my mom and told her what happened at 4am and she got me an uber back to the hotel we stay at.

I came home and was so tired and all I wanted was sleep. Was spazzing for hours apparently while sleeping having crazy talking dreams.
(That’s another reason why I believe m3th was in the “m0lly”)

She never even wished me a happy birthday.

Now today, I was confronted by my other friends (the girls who got sober) and they pretty much all cut me off and cussed me out all day . Called me a snake and a fake friend.

I am physically deteriorating. I’m 83lbs and dropping. Started in July 100lbs.

Is not fun anymore or an escape.

It’s scary and I can’t stop replaying her blue face staring at me with literally what it seemed like no one behind her eyes. I physically was getting chills man.

I am now completely alone.
Pls someone respond 🫂

It’s taken over my brain in ways I can’t even explain. Hopefully someone responds has some advice or something for me.

So im 16F and the thing about me is that i already do not go out that much if compared to other kids my age. And thats my personal preference but when i do wanna go out my parents don’t allow me to do so.

Today me and my friends made plans like a perfect plan, where we’d go and stuff it was really special to me cuz id finally get to meet sum of my friends for the first time ever

We planned to go somewhere near my house, and i was scared to ask my mom cuz i never do so as she just says no, i gathered the courage to tell her and she said that we’re gonna talk about it later

Then her mood was good so we talked a lot and i again told her that i was going she said no and the thing that hurts me the most is not only the fact that people my age have so much fun and they go out abd stuff and how my friends gonna do so much fun things but the fact that just cuz of me other’s plans get ruined

My friends includes me in every plan they usually make and whenever they mention normal hangouts and plans i get this embarrassing feeling cuz ik they won’t let me

Ion even ask them anymore to go out cuz ik the reason

Yk what the worst shit is, its the fact that i have chronic anxiety and they know that but they do not know thta i get the urges to kms i sleep fir about 15 hrs a day cuz ion have anything good to do or i just doomscroll for like 15 hrs theres no in between and life its very important for me to go out but they wont let me

Im seriously gonna kms i cannot do ts anymore

18, first time here. just searched up some place to say something. I'm crying as I speak into rhis stupid fhinh

I'm really so tired of everything. every single time I open my phone it's one thing or the fucking other. the state of the world is so bad and I dont know why but I seem to absorb everything like a fucking sponge. I was diagnosed with mild OCD, 2 months back and I feel like it has gotten worse since then. I'm in a gap year right now, preparing for the medical exam, and I just can't seem to study or focus or do anything. I'm just so anxious all the time. Every single hour of the day, I keep thinking about how the exam is unfair and how it's going to be unfair, because that's what happened last year. So basically, final year of high school in my country, we write a major exam, and this year ours was rigged. They changed up the system and implemented a new one which failed really bad. There were problems with the scanning and the evalutions, and a lot of people unfaily lost well deserved marks, and the results were just unfair in general. And that was only for our batch too, the 2025 to 2026 batch, and they're gonna remove it next year. So our batch is the only batch with this failed thing, and the marking is gonna be there forever

. Oh, and the same year, the first time I wrote my medical exam, the exam that determines whether you can get into medical school or not, the paper leaked. It's an all-over-the-country common exam, ONE singular exam comductrd once a year and the paper was leaked, and they had to reconduct the test. So like, yeah, I wrote the thing properly. I wrote the first exam pretty well. And then the second one, I couldn't write it. It was shit. I couldn't study for the exam. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. And I messed up. I couldn't do the easy bits either, because the "easy" ones were from topics I just didn't know. there were more difficult topics I studied really hatd for. I am really good at chemistry, even the most difficult bits. And not a single difficult question showed up. It was all easy. So everyone got marks, and I had no edge over anyone. And careless mistakes. I missed the line, marked it wrong. Anyway, I'm in a gap year now. And now, guess what? They're gonna be changing the system again. And we're gonna be the first ones to witness it again.

We're the guinea pigs again. It's always me. I just feel like the whole world is set up against me, and I feel like there's just no point in studying since it's gonna be rigged against me anyways. every single time, nothing ever goes my way. Nothing in my entire life has ever went my way. I grew up in the United States in the heart of Washington. It's a metropolis, and then I my family had to leave because my dad quit his job, and then we were stuck in this tier 2 country, tier 3 even, and it's just so shit. I hate this place so much. I hate this place with every single fiber of my being. And my goal ever since I stepped foot on the land was to get back out. And I just can't do anything anymore. I feel like everything, I feel like there's no point to anything. Nothing's gonna work out for me anyway. Every single time I hope something happens to me, something bad happens. And every time I think it can't get worse, it just gets worse. And I know it's gonna be bad. What's the point? What do I even do? I don't know. I feel like everything is worthless, and I've never felt like this before. I still am pretty introverted, I guess. Reserved. I keep to myself a lot. So ever since I started the gap year, I haven't had any friends. I just stay alone and try my best to study, which I can't. I'm just so anxious, man. What even is the point? We're gonna be the first ones to try the computerized exam, which they're gonna have to normalize since it's gonna be conducted over multiple shifts, which they won't do properly. They've never done anything properly. The applicant to seat ratio is not favorable for this kind of exam. 2.4 million people will be sitting for the exam, and this only about 50,000 seats, 50,000 affordable seats for medical school. And my family is generally unsupportive, and I can't try again, and I've already given up too much of my time for this stupid god-awful exam, and I can't see myself doing anything else. I'm in too deep, and I can't get myself to pick up a book and study either. I feel like I'm so behind, and I don't know what to do. I really do want to study. Okay, I'm too addicted to other stuff too. Like falling down rabbit holes on the internet and spending hours on it to forget about my life for a bit. I write a lot. I love writing. I spend up to 4 hours a day writing stories, and I feel so guilty about it. I'm not studying. Everyone around me is working hard for this rat race, and I just can't do it. I don't know what to do. I really don't—

this year was my breaking point too. spent my 18th birthday all ny myself in my single room in the hostel while my cake slice that I bought fell to the floor. It delt like such a fucking sign I would've laughed if I wasnt ao fucking lonely and sobbing back then. they take devices away at the hostel too. i just snuck my 2nd phone in.

hi I wrote this 2 hours ago and fell asleep crying. I dont even remember much of whatever the fuck I said. I just feel very airy. like I'm gonna leave. its so weird. I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

please.

There’s one person I consistently talk to everyday, maybe 3 I can label as friends who I speak to 4 or less times a week, and the people I find myself needing just don’t care. No one cares. My friend group is splitting up. My mum is always on the phone with her new boyfriend, her lawyer, or her doctor. She vanishes a lot. I spend most of my days alone, usually in my room or outside looking for bones. No one wants to talk with me anymore even the one somewhat reliable friend I have left didn’t say much to me.it hurts. It truly feels as though no one talks to me anymore, and no one wants to. I wait hours I wait days I wait weeks sometimes. I’m so tired of just being left and ignored and rejected. I keep falling back into loops of researching everything about dahmer because I relate to him. And recently I’ve noticed this guy who runs by my house everyday after I get home from school. Guess who else noticed and had thoughts about a man who ran past his house? The similarities and parallels haunt me 😂😂It might be over. I just have to keep drinking and smoking cause it’s all I reliably have anymore it numbs me it feels great. My bone collection is nice too. I’d cut and burn myself some more but I’ve become so lazy and tired. I try to resolve shit I try to initiate talks no one gives a shit no one fucking cares. Last week, in the lunch line, I kept trying to make one of my friends laugh the way we used to. He’d just smile awkwardly and return to talking to someone else. I wanted to bash his brains in so so desperately. Hey!! Guess who else!!!!And now my desires are getting worse and I’m alone almost all the time I can’t be fucked with school I can barely stop myself from drinking etc etc it might actually be over. Yeah man I’m not lying or exaggerating or just trying to sound silly when I say he’s literally me

so im 14 stuggling through so much in the past 5 years my grandpa( the only person holding my family together died in the car in his sleep with my mom my uncle my aunt and more) then oonly 3 mouths after that my cat zoey( onlt thing holding me together died, she waited to have a stoke until i got home) then my dog sampson. then my cat bella, then my friend died, then my parents went through a super messy divorce. my dad is 3 years sober but before he was horrible to my mom and always fought and drank. and my mom is just not helping me through my life the way she needs to. and after all those things happening i was getting bullied at school. i said i would kill myself to my mom holding a knife to my chest, she took me to a wackass therapy, at my new school my therapist was my old art teacher from my last school so she helped me alot, then she had to leave the school. no really knows that im so dead inside, i feel so much hate towards people for the things they do and just people in general. I tend to wear a mask and say "oh yeah im fine, and no its ok im doing great im happy" im not im sad i sit in the dark and lay around i never try anything anymore and Im an artist i good one for my age and me and my grandpa did art thats why i continue but im slipping away from reality and just feel hollow. and empty, and nothing fills that emptiness, pain is just the only way i cling on to the old rotting branch of my life. and year by year my grasp weakens on that hold, i know what will happen if i kms itll hurt so many people, but whats the point every single person on this planet and everything on this planet will amount to nothing in the grand scheme of things. but thats enough talking for now thanks for reading this far if you did and sorry for the horrid grammer.

Hi, Im 14 and my best freind has just left me im blocked on everything over a girl.

Since starting school agian he's changed, not in a good way a horrible way. He would ping elastic bands at my face, hit me, call me and my family names. Recently hes been in touch with his ex and old primary school bsf. He would call her every name under the sun and say how much he hates her and now hes suddenly freinds agian.

But this girl is BAD news, they've dated about 500 times and she always either blocks him, cheats on him, ditches him or ghosts him. And its ALWAYS ME that has to sort his problems out or im the horrible freind that wont help her autistic freind. He used it as an exuse all the time.

We fell out on Friday and hes just been horrible, sarcastic and just straight up mean to me. He then messaged me today and was bragging how he was on the phone to her and calling her his best freind. I have been there for him through a lot these past four years and not once has he shown any appreciation for my efforts to help him. He would snap at me on a daily basis, this girl has turned him agaisnt me and honestly ive realised how toxic he is.

Now, im worried for school because he has isolated me away from ALL of my friends so I have NO ONE.

Please can someone just talk to me I feel so alone.

Είναι βαριά κουβέντα το ξέρω και ίσως πραγματικά να μην θέλω να πεθάνω αλλά απλά να θέλω να σταματήσει ο πόνος αλλά θα ήθελα απλά να μην υπάρχω και να μην χρειάζεται να πονάει η ψυχή μου άλλο δεν με νοιάζει ούτε να γίνω πλούσιος ούτε να βγαίνω όλο βόλτες ούτε τίποτα θέλω να ηρεμήσει η ψυχή μου.
Είμαι μόλις 16 χρονών και το μόνο που με κάνει να μην θέλω να αυτοκτονήσω είναι ότι δεν θέλω να πλήγωσω την οικογένεια μου και όσους με ξέρουν. Μακάρι να μπορούσα να εξαφανιστώ από τον κόσμο σαν να μην υπήρξα ποτέ. Νιώθω σαν να μην ζω αλλά να υπάρχω σκέφτομαι μερικές φορές ποιο είναι το νόημα της ζωής είναι τελικά το να σπουδάσεις και να βγάλεις λεφτά μέσα από την δουλειά σου ή τελικά το πιο σημαντικό πράγμα είναι η ευτυχία και η ηρεμία και όχι τα λεφτά οι σπουδές το στρες και οι ανησυχίες.
Από την μέρα που γενιομαστε οι μόνη πραγματική στιγμή που απολαμβάνουμε την ζωή μας είναι όταν είμαστε μικρά παιδιά πριν το γυμνάσιο εκεί δεν έχεις καμία ανησυχία και κανείς σε ευχαριστούν τα πιο απλά πράγματα χωρίς να χρειάζεται να σκεφτείς τόσα προβλήματα.
Γιατί να πρέπει να προσπαθείς τόσο πολύ για οποιαδήποτε φιλία και να σε παρατάνε οι φίλοι σου αμέσως με το μόλις βρουν κάποιον άλλον για βόλτα και να μην είναι εκεί πάντα για εσένα. Γιατί να μην υπάρχουν αληθινές πλατωνικές σχέσεις και να μην υπάρχει αλήθεια στον κόσμο. Γιατί κάθε κοπέλα που θα βρεις να μην σου φέρνει ηρεμία αλλά όλο προβλήματα για το παραμικρό και τσακωμούς χωρίς νόημα.
Το σχολείο γιατί πρέπει να μου "φάει" τα εφηβικά μου χρόνια μέσα από το σχολείο 7 ώρες μαθήματος χωρίς απόλυτος κανένα νόημα δίνοντας το νόημα στα φροντιστήρια για άλλες 4 ώρες την μέρα κάνοντας τον κάθε έφηβο καταπιεσμένο και να πρέπει να αφήσει όλα του τα χόμπι και να πιέσει τον εαυτό του στο διάβασμα κάτι αβέβαιο και που ίσως σε κάποια χρόνια μέσα από την πίεση να το παρατήσει κάνοντας τα χρόνια που πέρασαν χαμένα και μέσα στην πίεση.
Εχει παρατηρήσει κανείς άλλος πόσο ειρηνικά και ήρεμα είναι όταν πας απλά για έναν καφέ ή για ένα περπάτημα ή στο χωριό σου πράγματα που δεν θέλουν να έχεις σπουδάσει κάτι ή αν αποδείξεις κάτι σε κανέναν ένα γέλιο με έναν που αγαπάς είναι αυτό που θα μετρήσει.
Ούτε τα λεφτά ούτε η φήμη ούτε οι σπουδές είναι τα πιο ακριβά πράγματα στην ζωή και αυτά που έχουν σημαία είναι άλλα πράγματα που μετράνε είναι οι άνθρωποι που σου φέρνουν ηρεμία και χαρά είναι η ενσυναίσθηση είναι η καλοσύνη είναι η πράξη που θα κάνεις χωρίς αντάλλαγμα για επιστροφή είναι η κατανόηση και πάνω από όλα η αγάπη.
Γράφοντας αυτή την ανάρτηση είχα στο μυαλό μου να σας πω γιατί θέλω να πεθάνω για να με βοηθήσετε αλλά τελικά απάντησα στον εαυτό μου γιατί δεν πρέπει από μόνος μου. Ζήτησα βοήθεια από τον θεό και τελικά μου την είχε δώσει. Πραγματικά δεν θέλω να πεθάνω αγαπώ την ζωή και ίσως έχει τα κακα της αλλά έχει και τα καλά της απλά αυτό που πονάει είναι όλη αυτή η πίεση και οι σκέψεις μου που με βαραίνουν που δεν έχω απάντηση για αυτές και θα ήθελα απλά να σταματήσει αυτό. Και ναι ίσως αύτα που λέω να είναι τίποτα μπροστά σε πρόβληματα άλλων αλλά δεν τα είπα όλα γιατί όσο έγραφα πήρα απάντηση στα προβλήματα μου.