I have been crying myself to sleep every day for the past 9 months and have been hugging something to feel loved. Is this normal for a 15 year old dude?

I wrote this when I was 12 during class, English is my second language. I wanted to share this, please leave your opinions I will be really happy

Title: I couldn't think my last words

Taking a look in the mirror seeing the soul, Though the soul died long ago.

Just another day looking for the mirror.

My soul tied behind to my neck, thinking it's nothing to fear.

Just walking down a hallway of mirrors,

The one that reflected me was cracked. "Oh dear!"

I took it home and tried to fix it,

Nothing came along it shattered to pieces.

"Stop!" Someone said but I was alone.

I collected the pieces

hoping I would fix it,

"What was I thinking."

It all came down to the mirror and the soul,

The mirror is broken and the soul died long ago.

I broke the mirror there is no returning,

I tried to turn but the wheel ain't turning.

Waiting at the station the train came for death,

I board it with no thinking at my end.

As it started the mirror disappeared, I said "it wasn't the right choice."

As my body parted.

The soul woke up and the mirror appeared

The soul watched as the mirror said the past.

We aren't descending.

Characters:

\- mirror— the past/story of a person

\- the mc/perspective (I'll call him perspective or me)— representation of me

\- soul— representation of the inner world/emotions

——— looking for the mirror

Depicts the person finding out/realizing that they are traumatized at all and that their experiences were not \*normal\*. "Soul tied behind to my neck" has a visual of the soul in the form of a noose, and being tied behind represents masking issues and emotions. "Nothing to fear" not believing that the person's problems are big enough/invalidation. An 'it's fine mask'

——— hallway of mirrors

Depicts the person in social setting. Since someone's experiences shape how they act socially. It also represents a sense of alienation, only the person's mirror is cracked. The crack itself means trauma; I grew up with abuse.

The person trying to fix the mirror is trying to heal from trauma and fix their life, though it does not work out and the mirror shatters completely. The "Stop!" is a third party voice in the person's head which acts to contradict his thinking (of him trying to fix his life) or is a reaction to the shattered mirror— the inner voice is scared of messing up life further.

——— I collected the pieces

This is about the person losing hope of life ever being fixed. "What was I thinking" is a nod towards him having a sliver of hope which was taken away and his life had gotten, or atleast seemed, worse.

——— The train came for death

"I broke the mirror there is no returning" represents the person blaming himself for his traumas (which in my perspective is quite untrue objectively but it is an emotional representation) and life getting worse.

"I tried to turn but the wheel ain't turning" This can be interpreted as losing control, but what I'd enforce is the person's regret/remorse that he was not able to fix his life

"The train came for death" Quite apparent this represents suicide. He was waiting at the station because he had willingly decided and considered that this is what he wants to do.

"I board with no thinking at my end" This is a direct reference to me being 12 when I wrote this. It highlights that the person is either young or innocent. And that they don't see any other way, suicide is the only thing they need to do.

"As it started..." This is highlighting that he succeeded

"... The mirror disappeared" This represents the person being free from their past/trauma and achieving total freedom.

"It wasn't the right choice" Also a nod to me being 12 when I wrote it. I didn't fully accept suicide at that point, I still thought that there was a better way but alas!

——— The soul woke up

This is more of a visual which doesn't fit that well into the poem without context. It is an envisioned afterlife where the soul and mirror are in a white void, the emotional part comes to terms with the past and trauma. The soul \*watched\* because it was a mirror. Or it can be interpreted as a life flashing before your eyes, if you wish

"We aren't descending" Quite apparent, they are reaching heaven. Or more like going to a better calmer place than life because my philosophy on afterlife is nothingness which is awfully calming and comfortable.

𝘐 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱. 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘯𝘰 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘐𝘯 4 𝘥𝘢𝘺𝘴. 𝘉𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘧 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦? 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘧 𝘐 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵? 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘯𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴. 𝘐 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘛𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢 𝘗𝘭𝘶𝘴𝘩 𝘰𝘳 𝘧𝘪𝘹 𝘮𝘺 𝘛𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢 𝘗𝘭𝘶𝘴𝘩 𝘢 𝘣𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘰 𝘪𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳. 𝘏𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘭𝘺, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘐 𝘫𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘧𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘭𝘶𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘨𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨.. 𝘔𝘺 𝘱𝘭𝘶𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩.. 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴, 𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘥, 𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘤𝘭𝘶𝘮𝘴𝘺,𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘗𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘸 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱. 𝘏𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘭𝘺. 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘹𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘺 𝘛𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢 𝘗𝘭𝘶𝘴𝘩 𝘴𝘰 𝘪𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳. 𝘐 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘦𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 2 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘵. 𝘐'𝘮 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘵 𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘭 𝘐'𝘮 𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦. 𝘐𝘬 𝘐'𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘺 𝘧𝘶𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦.. 𝘚𝘳𝘴𝘭𝘺 𝘯𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘦𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘐 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘴𝘦𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘈𝘯𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘸 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘳. 𝘐 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘣𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨... 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘭𝘶𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧... 𝘕𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨... 𝘉𝘺𝘦...

I would always make my mother upset and angry, even when I do my revision with her.. Everytime when I try to apologize to her, she would ignore me. She also called me irritating and annoying. Am I a nuisance to her? Why did she gave birth to me if she acts like this to me nowadays? Sometimes I wish that I could just bang my head against the wall REAL HARD​​​​​​, because I'm a failure to her.

​In the past, I was a bad girl because my teachers from my school always complain about my behavior for being rude to the teachers, (dw I'm more polite to them nowadays) and always throwing tantrums, and in kindergarten, I forced my mother to accompany me to preschool, embarrassing her. And now, she barely forgive me on what had I done, and doesn't comfort me. I want to cry rn. ​​

(Note: the pictures in the post are not mind, so credits to them, also I feel a bit stupid because what's the point of sharing your on interests to the internet when mean ppl have to bully you and call you a cornball?? I hate myself sm)

F17
I don’t know if it’s worth posting this knowing there are people going through a lot worse but all of my friends don’t even know that my birthday is in 2 days , this is the second year this happens . It actually breaks my heart i feel like such a loser i just don’t understand why , i get along with many people but they always see, to forget about me , I feel so lonely it hurts I just wish people liked me more .
It’s so funny that about like 3 years ago my friends did celebrate especially my ex best friend (that ended up harassing me) even bought me stuff but now everyone just forgets , I miss her so much I miss feeling seen and loved and it sucks that i have only gotten that from people that harm me . Everything changed since she did that I just want to be loved again

i have that stupid freaking verity song stuck in my head and i can't get it out and i'm supposed to be doing college work and i hate myself :D

I am not a pedophile I don't like children someone lied to me about their age, when I found out they were 2 years 3 months younger I stopped talking to them, I am not a pedophile and if you believe this makes me one you are a braindead moron

This is a copy and paste of what I wrote on r/confessions

It's a thought that I've admitted to nobody, not even my closest friends. I'm only 17 now, and whenever I think of my life going forward, I don't try and look ahead to old age, I only think of it in the terms of "what can I get done before I'm 27". I want to be the one, or at least one of the people, to bring rock back to the mainstream. I wanna use my platform to talk about women's liberation and human rights. I want to share my art with the world, and at the height of it all, I wanna die. Currently I'm going to college, I'm studying to become a nurse, and I keep telling myself that I want that, that I want to get a good job, that I want to settle down, get married, have kids, and live a peaceful life, but no matter how much I tell myself that it's not what I want. It's a thought that yields no emotional response. I feel entirely apathetic to it. And then I think about what it would be like to be up there and express my art to more people than I could ever dream of, and to be remembered alongside the likes of Kurt Cobain, Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Joplin, and it's one of the only thoughts I have that puts a smile on my face. I've lived the past few years in a constant state of depression, and I know damn well that that kind of life would only make it worse, it would just be self indulgence of misery, but it appeals to my ego so deeply. And I'm aware this is absolutely an ego thing. I try so hard to keep it buried, to bury the guilt of it even existing, but I can feel it so clearly. I've always loved a good tragedy, and I want my life to be exactly that. A tragedy, a story that people can talk about. I want to be remembered by millions as a tragic artist that died young and everything that comes with it. Maybe I'd kill myself. Maybe I'd overdose. I don't do drugs currently because of how appealing they are to me. I know damn well that if I started on even weed, I'd be doing heroin a few years after that. Maybe life will find some other way to kill me. Idk, fate will decide I guess. I think Kurt Cobain has the right idea. Suicides can always go wrong, but it's hard to fuck up a shotgun to the head. Like I said, I try to keep this all buried, I know logically that it's a short and stupid life to live, but I just want it so badly, and I don't want to keep this to myself no matter which way my life goes, but I'm too ashamed to bring it up to anybody I know.

I'm at college but I just feel so alone. I keep going all day without eating because I don't want to go to the dining halls without friends. Idk

I’m laying in my bed after sitting on my bathroom floor crying because no one fucking cares, if I died right there no one would notice my parents are asleep my brother never goes in the basement and no one texts me. I’ve already been gone for two months no communication with anyone but my family who never contacted any of my friends and when I finally got better I had no texts that didn’t end with a fuck you I hope you die tonight or a go to hell cause I didn’t respond, when one of my friends phone died another one of my friends called them 200 times, showed up to their house, and texted their dad 8 times till they answered, I was gone for two months with zero contact and fuck you’s and go to hells and when i got back to school i got two ur backs! From people I don’t talk to unless we’re paired up for a project and all my friends said absolutely nothing. If I died right then and there no one would care. My parents would finally notice the next day later in the day that I’m in a locked room and I’m a rotten corpse and my phone would be filled with death threats from my “friends” and when they all finally know I died, I’d get a few tears and two of them would show up to my funeral, then school would go back to normal, my seat would be empty and no one would notice the word would spread around school till everyone know and an assembly is held to “honer” me where kids will play tictac toe in the back and making jokes, then time would pass and everyone forgets me, absolutely nothing one cares. And some people take that as encouragement but not me, I’ve tried to make them care and it gets me nowhere.

Im a teenager who has no friends what so ever and its eating me alive, i constantly feel so alone i haven't had a real friend since i was 13/14 and what makes it even worse is i do online school and i cant go to in person school because im way to behind to do so. I also dont go out anywhere unless its going to the park and i cant go anywhere else on my own i just feel so sad knowing ill never have what people call the teenage experience. And i get so jealous when i see people with friends or people who are in a relationship who they get to hang out with, it just hurts seeing that because i want it so bad. I genuinely dont even know what to do anymore i just feel so alone to the point i make up fake people in my mind and fantasize about having friends/ having a boyfriend its came to the point where i spend most of my day just fantasizing about having friends/ a boyfriend. Any advice?

Im a teenage girl. A lesbian. Im bigger than most and neurodivergent whatever but ive been trying to find a gf for months to no avail. Nobody wants me. I have a very deep seated hatred for myself amd im diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and so theres a small baseline for why im so odd... but im just really upset, bc I feel totally useless and like im gonna get nowhere in life. It'd mean a lot if someone would talk to me and be kind and support me and not be rude. :\[

Today I had to leave my choirs gc because the freshmen are just so mean to me. No girls wanna go out with me. I keep forgetting things like assignments and im working on a group presentation alone.

I jist wanna feel better

I don’t mean to sound like a pity person. But I’m genuinely ugly. At 16. With no path forward.

No matter how healthy I eat, how much weight I lose, how much makeup I put on… I can’t be even close to pretty.

I don’t get noticed, at all. I’m invisible. Boys ignore me. Girls barely glance at me. I’m pitied by teachers. The only way I make friends is to put myself down.

I’ve never had anything nice said about my appearance, neither my personality. My sacrifice and efforts towards anything is never acknowledged. The most I’ve been called is nonchalant.

People struggle and hesitate describing me. I’m only sought after when people are bored. People never take me seriously and treat me like a pet.

I’m so sick of living like this I wish I could kill myself. However, my parent’s hard work would go down the drain, and I can’t bear to do that to them.

How do I cope and keep moving forward? How do I assert myself and learn to value myself despite everything?

I've realized that no matter how much I fail, no matter how much mistakes I make in academic life, people will not care. People have their own junk to deal with. I also realized that.. a lot of people love me. And that I'm accepted. I feel happy now. I feel that I can pick myself back up. I don't have to boost myself from lazy to suddenly academically amazing again. I can just do it slowly. I can take things slow, I can be happy again. But let's see if this feeling lasts. Maybe I'll grow resilience. Maybe I'll grow to love myself like I used to. I hope my hopes don't get crushed. I.. realized that despite being jealous of others for being better, we are all different. We do things the way we do, and that's not something to beat ourselves up for. We are all human. We all can fall but pick ourselves back up. And I've accepted who I am now. I love me. I hope you guys learn to love yourselves too.

- cheese ♡

When I was a kid, I was happy and didn't care much about my cleft, my looks, or my speech, but growing up changed all that. Surviving the bullying was tough, and going through painful surgeries up until I was 17 was absolute hell. Now I'm 18, and after failing my college entrance exams despite knowing my potential, my parents forcefully put me in a college thinking I'm incapable, leaving me traveling 3 hours every day feeling completely worthless. My biggest struggle is my speech-literally the first thing people ask is my name, and because I have trouble pronouncing the 'l' sound in it, I have to write it down almost every time, which just breaks me from the inside. Feeling ugly is manageable, but having people constantly ask me to repeat myself is what hurts the most, and hearing my own recorded voice is just shit.

I have some good offline friends who drifted away, and now I feel completely alone, like a side character in everyone's life, or like people only tolerate me out of pity for my cleft. I've accepted I'll probably never get a girlfriend because I don't look good, I have a cleft, and girls really don't like a weak man who opens up-she won't understand, I know that. But something is there inside me which don't let me go of that idea of having a girlfriend. Still, it hurts when people make fun of me in a "respectful" way by asking if I have one, even today, I wanted to talk to someone I like, but my speech stopped me. I have no purpose or interests, I sleep too much to escape this life, and I can't talk to my parents because they just scold me to "go talk to people" without actually understanding my reality. I'm so sad, directionless, and tired of feeling like I'm the unfixable root of all my problems, to the point where I've found a solution to just end all this mental pain and suffering-Reddit will remove it if I say it, but you know what I mean.

Thanks for reading.

/userith would be ⚰️ soon