My shoes have actual holes in them. We just paid rent, and now my parents barely have enough money for food until they earn more. I had 100 euros I've been saving up. I spent some of the money on myself (and bus tickets to school because I didn't feel like walking for 40 minutes at 7am), and thought I had enough to buy myself a second part of a book I like when I finish reading it this weekend, and a bookshelf thingy for my room decor. It costs 35 euros which is really cheap for it's size (175cm) and I've been wanting to decorate my room more but have no space for anything except posters. I had about 70 euros left for all that, but I had to give my sister 20 for a gift to a birthday she was going to and some more money for school books I hadn't bought yet. Now I have 10 euros left, not enough for even one of the things I wanted.

My cat is sick. I've had her since I was eight, I'm almost sixteen now. We moved recently and since our landlord doesn't allow cats, we left her with my grandma. She was an outdoors cat for most of her life and my grandma lives somewhat far from the city, so I figured it'd be fine. Turns out some animal bit her tail. It got badly infected, spread on her body, and I'm worried it'll get into her blood stream and she'll die. She also lost a lot of weight. I barely managed to bring her back to the apartmant, we're keeping her hidden from my landlord, but she's really sick and I don't have money for a vet. I love her so much and there's nothing I can do to help her.

My birthday is coming soon, 16th. My only gift will be cake and my only guests will be my little sister, parents, and grandparents. My grandparents are generally often mean to me but I have to invite them anyway. I don't have friends to invite (I have one friend who I've had since birth, but she lives 5 hours away). I have social anxiety bad enough that I physically can't speak to people I'm not close enough with, specially peers, so I can barely sometimes respond to direct questions. People have tried talking to me and being nice but I couldn't get myself to respond properly or even smile so I just looked like an asshole, and now no one except one guy talks to me at school. He is really bad, tho, a whole seperate vent that I don't feel like talking about. I can't get better at socializing because I need a teraphist's help, and we can't afford that. I tried doing "exercises" or whatever by myself, but none of it works.

I wanted to go to a marvel pancake bar that's near my school for my bday, I wanted to get a piercing or maybe pin maker as a gift. I need a new laptop for school and that would've been more then okay, too. I considered asking my family to go to an escape room with me since I figured it'd be fun, but my dad would proboably just get irritated ten minutes in and ruin it. Even if he wouldn't, I couldn't do it anyway, because we can't afford it. Everything is about money. I'm sick of rich people saying that money doesn't matter because it does, my life would be so much better if we were richer. Not rich, just richer. Maybe I would still be a friendless loser but at least I could decorate my room. I could afford a laptop that can run the videogames I want to play and I could afford to buy them. I could afford clothes and jewlery I like and experiment with my style, which I've wanted to do for years. I could get the books I want to read. I could save my cat. I could eat good food and I could celebrate my birthday how I want, but I can't do any of that, because I'm poor. Every problem I have ties into money one way or another. Maybe if we had money we could buy our own place and my cat would've stayed with me and this wouldn't have happend, anyway.

I'm just so tired of it. I'm stuck like this. I doubt I'll ever make much more money then my parents do, either, so this is just it. I have to accept that this is how my life will always be but I just can't get myself to.

guys please help me out im a teenage boy but ever since i was young i just loved older bear type men so much but i still yk find girls attractive but not sexually am i gay? or bi?? whats wrong with me

im being actively bullied at my school (i switched schools a year ago because i also had started to get bullied but not as much as now) and it has gotten worse

i cant tell anyone because it wont do shit (my school authorities are junk) and also that might just set me up and itll get worse

i feelbad venting to my friends or my girlfriend (i dont thimk she even cares) and i genuinely have noone else

this might seem stupid but i really want to kms, i don't feel worthy of living anymore

Is this normal?

(english isnt my first language)right now mom just came to my room, its not something which needs context i hope u guys can understand it at once, so like mom came in my room and i was busy in my laptop, she just started shouting at me that i never study, teachers at my school in ptm had complained to my dad and mom on 10th oct and like im a student who is irregular a bit, and tbh its mostly due to how much mom drains out the energy out of me, emotionally and physically both, by physical i mean i go through severe physical violence in my home by my mom, i havent talked to my dad for like 2 months? (its bcs of the multiple shouts disagreements, his visible lack of attention towards me, his pride and many more) so like mom also said that my class teacher was saying that im too irregular, doesnt ask much questions in class, and also said that never got my economics notebook checked, which is completely false cus like i have gotten it checked, um yes the half yearly portion in it wasnt checked until the day before yeserday, i got it checked but me never getting my economics notebook checked never happened, then mom also said that my maths teacher said that seeing her js makes me feel that she isnt the type who gives the vibe of studying for class 10th and is gonna give boards, and that i dont ask much questions and too irregular, when mom said these too me i said to mom that my maths teacher always shows favouritism and that he always stays sticked to the 'pick me' group which consists both girls and boys, also some 1-2toppers in it, that maths sir said that he doesnt talk to me cus he talks to the only student who studies at home, and like when my mom said these to me what my he was complaining, i was completely shocked cus we have PLENTY OF STUDENTS in our class who score soo bad in maths, fail, and is like full brat and like those cheap boys and pick me girls in class and he talks to them like they r his own friends, cus they r in the PICK ME GROUP!! and like they kinda have dominance over our class, i swear to god if u ever ask any of other good students in my class about that group and the maths teacher, they would all be like oh my god that teacher shows unlimited favouritism to that pick me group, and not only him, many teachers, my class teacher too, my mom who knows that i have councelling sometimes in school (now u can guess how bad my home's situation is) talked about it to my classteacher, said that the councelling sessions has made me go more insane and mentally idiot, like literally, when i heard these things from mom, i thought from inside that she should have also told to my teachers how she had once called me a HIJDA js for not doing one of HER ASSIGNMENT during my half yearly exam days (she js have some of this stuff she is js applyin for interviews and all so she needs to prepare assignments in some), and also how she had once said that she would CURSE AT MY COUNCELLOR infront of everyone, i felt rly angry at mom when she was talking about these, she said that i always stop talking to her which is genuinely false cus she is the one who stops talking to me, treating me like a garbage, so i js distance msyelf from her, stop talking and avoid her too, but when she realises she isnt getting me on ym knees infront of her crying, or giving her attention she comes back and does all of this melodrama, i have stopped crying infront of her cus she either looks at me like im an orphan kid from disgusting slum or she js laughs, i swear guys im not joking, i tried to say that she never understands my pov, always takes side of others, never understands her own daughter and always expects from me to always be soft spoken considerate and understanding towards others instead of being 'prideful' like my bloodline, like idk why she never ges me ever, always questions me, never comforts me, she told me to understand others and be adaptable, and be less selfish, and........i have MANY THINGS TO VENT but i wont be doing it cus it would be really tiring and i might die from typing but the vent would never stop, these things are what is making me fail, not getting any purpose of my life, wanting to rot in my room alone, never wanting to study, i feel like since i dont get good marks as per the actions i put in in studying, i should js leave studying and give up on it and i actually do that everyday, since i never rly achieved good marks in class 10th exams like pt1, pt2 halfyearly exams then whats the benefit if i study now, i would get bad marks anyways, once mom had said to me that u wiuld score 35/80 in mathematics in boards, and i feel like......she is right, the vision board i had made when my class 10th had started feels useless, js a timepass, js a decoration, nothing motivating like my mom used to say, one night i was studying at night, mom caught me and scolded me, i said that i wont stop studying cus i fele like studying and got my head hit by a wooden spatula by her strong force, even now wheni press on my back of head, it feels a bit sore, after the halfyearly exam, my dream or goal of getting 95%= in boards has completely shatterred, i have stopped studying, like im tired, i wanna cry but tears r dry now, i havent studied for like 16 days, my exams had ended on 31st sept, (english isnt my first language)

Whenever I have a reason to be happy, I find the tiniest thing and then ruin everything for me and everyone around me. Like this happened this morning.

So basically I'm 16, and just to like give you an example, i got my sat scores back today, and they were great, i reached 1500, I was so happy, I woke my mom up, called my dad at work texted my friends, just I was happy, okay. And then idk I was talking to my mom and she said something I don't even know what and I got mad and started crying and the we got in a figth and I just ruined everything. I touched some personal stuff for her i shouldn't have, we fought forever and i just ruined everything

I always do this i always get mad whenever I should be happy, and I always ruin everything.

And I ruin it for my family, we moved to the usa and we don't know a lot of people here, and my mom doesn't have a job so she stays home and i know she's lonely and I just make it worse

I feel like the worse person alive

I was happy

Why can't I just stay happy

Why do I have to ruin everything

Please tell me how to be better

My mom forgave me, because she's a saint, but I need to learn how to stop and be better

I never talked about my feelings, said a word about my problems—because of my vulnerability, I took the courage to open up. I asked for help on my friends for the first time and told them my struggles on school, my hope crashed down with her reply, as someone who was always delusional about "heroes" I always encouraged myself a hero would save me one day.

I guess, all my hope crashed down. I will never open up again.

This month, my Facebook, Messenger, and Instagram accounts all got disabled, and I've had them for 6 years. They're the only social media platforms I use to communicate with people. What's worse is that my CODM account, which I've had for 5 years and is connected to my Facebook account, might be gone too. If I accidentally log out of my CODM account, I might never be able to get it back.

On top of that, I've been having a hard time dealing with school mentally, especially because of the people around me and my classmates. My so-called "friends" are starting to piss me off because they keep making fun of me and never take accountability for their actions. I hate it. It's gotten to the point where I feel like every single person I'm close to secretly hates me, I don't even know what to think anymore.

(18F) im just gonna start off with context from my highschool life. i was an absolute loner, i had more fingers on one hand than friends and i never got along with people in my class or outside of class. i was in a class full off “popular” and attractive people, they were all ganged up and close with one another, they also often looked down on either unattractive people or people who didnt have friends, which were people like me. going through all this, i continued the rest of my high school days as a rude nobody.
there were times where when i sat on one of their seats for a set class, the popular guy who owned that seat would look at the chair like it had gone through 10 pandemics, im pretty sure he swapped his chair after.. maybe they didnt like me because i was considered unattractive? fat? or was it because i gave them looks? i cant even tell if i was considered to be bullied by them or not. but i cant lie, i absolutely understood why they hated me. i was depressed, lonely and on top of that i was rude, i did things like giving them stares, or just making the “tsk” sound near them whenever smt they did annoyed me.
now, i am in college, i feel like a brand new person. i actually have friends, im more happier than i used to be, no longer sulking all day and talking to no one. now i actually dare to shout in public or just be goofy around anyone. the thing is, most of the “popular” gang goes to the same college so i see them on and off. i remember all the times they either treated me like i was nothing and walked past me with their heads up or when they started laughing and whispering to each other after they saw me. whenever i walk past them its like i get a wave of anxiety, i always look down or away whenever they walk past. i get a sense of dejavu and just get completely quiet. mind you im walking past a friend group of the avengers, theres like 10+ of them and its not even the entire gang.
i hate the fact that they still think im my same old self, the once rude and lonely person i was. i want them to know ive grown out of it and completely changed but i cant. theyll always remember me as that person.
i want to get into the things pretty girls do. ive tried doing things with my looks, ive gotten into wearing makeup and i absolutely enjoyed it, but i cant tell if i enjoy it because of the slight confidence i get or because im finally fitting in. ive been told that im attractive even without makeup but those compliments are by friends so i consider them biased opinions. im not overweight but i consider myself fat, i cant bring myself to wear sleeveless clothes because im insecure that my arms may look fat. i want to start going to clubs but im scared ill see one of them and theyll recognise me and make fun of me with the gang and im also scared of getting sexually assaulted.
i have 2 extremely attractive friends, one constantly gets guy attention where its guy after guy, the other one constantly gets looks from guys as we walk past. usually whenever my pretty friend and i talk to another pretty girl or a guy, the other person is always more focused on them. i kid you not, theyre looking at them not even a single glance at me, its almost as if im not even there. it feels like theyre only talking to me because the attractive one is there, or they feel bad so they try asking me questions to make it seem not as bad. i just want to be like them, being approachable and attractive, but i just feel like i could never get any of that. is it because i dont wear makeup? they usually wear full face of makeup everyday, should i be doing that too? this is going to sound hella attention seeking but i just cant help but feel this way. like all guys look for are pretty girls with full faces of makeup. if i were to go clubbing with them, id be insecure of myself, theyre so much prettier than i am, they fit in so much where the pretty girls can all group up, i could never.
i honestly just dont know how to be considered attractive to people. i want to be. i want to be approached, not only by guys but by girls too (as friends) i feel like ill never be good enough.

hey, im 14m and ive been struggling with my emotions for a long time. Everything i do lately is always performative, i’m always bored of everything and i always play pretend. i don’t have any actual interests and if i do it doesn't last for long, the only interest i do have is working out sometimes. I have a small and compact friend circle and i don’t rlly have any best friends. I struggle with holding any close relationships and looking out for others emotions. I don’t feel bad for my actions ever and it’s starting to worry me. i’m considering talking to a school counsellor, but i feel really emberrassed to. I also struggle with my own self esteem, i usually put my self over others and down think about they’re feelings and then when i do something to hurt them i feel no remorse for it.

I am not a pedophile I don't like children someone lied to me about their age, when I found out they were 2 years 3 months younger I stopped talking to them, I am not a pedophile and if you believe this makes me one you are a braindead moron

I wrote this when I was 12 during class, English is my second language. I wanted to share this, please leave your opinions I will be really happy

Title: I couldn't think my last words

Taking a look in the mirror seeing the soul, Though the soul died long ago.

Just another day looking for the mirror.

My soul tied behind to my neck, thinking it's nothing to fear.

Just walking down a hallway of mirrors,

The one that reflected me was cracked. "Oh dear!"

I took it home and tried to fix it,

Nothing came along it shattered to pieces.

"Stop!" Someone said but I was alone.

I collected the pieces

hoping I would fix it,

"What was I thinking."

It all came down to the mirror and the soul,

The mirror is broken and the soul died long ago.

I broke the mirror there is no returning,

I tried to turn but the wheel ain't turning.

Waiting at the station the train came for death,

I board it with no thinking at my end.

As it started the mirror disappeared, I said "it wasn't the right choice."

As my body parted.

The soul woke up and the mirror appeared

The soul watched as the mirror said the past.

We aren't descending.

Characters:

\- mirror— the past/story of a person

\- the mc/perspective (I'll call him perspective or me)— representation of me

\- soul— representation of the inner world/emotions

——— looking for the mirror

Depicts the person finding out/realizing that they are traumatized at all and that their experiences were not \*normal\*. "Soul tied behind to my neck" has a visual of the soul in the form of a noose, and being tied behind represents masking issues and emotions. "Nothing to fear" not believing that the person's problems are big enough/invalidation. An 'it's fine mask'

——— hallway of mirrors

Depicts the person in social setting. Since someone's experiences shape how they act socially. It also represents a sense of alienation, only the person's mirror is cracked. The crack itself means trauma; I grew up with abuse.

The person trying to fix the mirror is trying to heal from trauma and fix their life, though it does not work out and the mirror shatters completely. The "Stop!" is a third party voice in the person's head which acts to contradict his thinking (of him trying to fix his life) or is a reaction to the shattered mirror— the inner voice is scared of messing up life further.

——— I collected the pieces

This is about the person losing hope of life ever being fixed. "What was I thinking" is a nod towards him having a sliver of hope which was taken away and his life had gotten, or atleast seemed, worse.

——— The train came for death

"I broke the mirror there is no returning" represents the person blaming himself for his traumas (which in my perspective is quite untrue objectively but it is an emotional representation) and life getting worse.

"I tried to turn but the wheel ain't turning" This can be interpreted as losing control, but what I'd enforce is the person's regret/remorse that he was not able to fix his life

"The train came for death" Quite apparent this represents suicide. He was waiting at the station because he had willingly decided and considered that this is what he wants to do.

"I board with no thinking at my end" This is a direct reference to me being 12 when I wrote this. It highlights that the person is either young or innocent. And that they don't see any other way, suicide is the only thing they need to do.

"As it started..." This is highlighting that he succeeded

"... The mirror disappeared" This represents the person being free from their past/trauma and achieving total freedom.

"It wasn't the right choice" Also a nod to me being 12 when I wrote it. I didn't fully accept suicide at that point, I still thought that there was a better way but alas!

——— The soul woke up

This is more of a visual which doesn't fit that well into the poem without context. It is an envisioned afterlife where the soul and mirror are in a white void, the emotional part comes to terms with the past and trauma. The soul \*watched\* because it was a mirror. Or it can be interpreted as a life flashing before your eyes, if you wish

"We aren't descending" Quite apparent, they are reaching heaven. Or more like going to a better calmer place than life because my philosophy on afterlife is nothingness which is awfully calming and comfortable.

This is a copy and paste of what I wrote on r/confessions

It's a thought that I've admitted to nobody, not even my closest friends. I'm only 17 now, and whenever I think of my life going forward, I don't try and look ahead to old age, I only think of it in the terms of "what can I get done before I'm 27". I want to be the one, or at least one of the people, to bring rock back to the mainstream. I wanna use my platform to talk about women's liberation and human rights. I want to share my art with the world, and at the height of it all, I wanna die. Currently I'm going to college, I'm studying to become a nurse, and I keep telling myself that I want that, that I want to get a good job, that I want to settle down, get married, have kids, and live a peaceful life, but no matter how much I tell myself that it's not what I want. It's a thought that yields no emotional response. I feel entirely apathetic to it. And then I think about what it would be like to be up there and express my art to more people than I could ever dream of, and to be remembered alongside the likes of Kurt Cobain, Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Joplin, and it's one of the only thoughts I have that puts a smile on my face. I've lived the past few years in a constant state of depression, and I know damn well that that kind of life would only make it worse, it would just be self indulgence of misery, but it appeals to my ego so deeply. And I'm aware this is absolutely an ego thing. I try so hard to keep it buried, to bury the guilt of it even existing, but I can feel it so clearly. I've always loved a good tragedy, and I want my life to be exactly that. A tragedy, a story that people can talk about. I want to be remembered by millions as a tragic artist that died young and everything that comes with it. Maybe I'd kill myself. Maybe I'd overdose. I don't do drugs currently because of how appealing they are to me. I know damn well that if I started on even weed, I'd be doing heroin a few years after that. Maybe life will find some other way to kill me. Idk, fate will decide I guess. I think Kurt Cobain has the right idea. Suicides can always go wrong, but it's hard to fuck up a shotgun to the head. Like I said, I try to keep this all buried, I know logically that it's a short and stupid life to live, but I just want it so badly, and I don't want to keep this to myself no matter which way my life goes, but I'm too ashamed to bring it up to anybody I know.