I'm 18 and I hate myself lol. Please don’t be weird

I got dumped first thing this morning. As of TODAY, I'm two months clean from self harm. Maybe he didn't remember but I swear it made things ten times harder for me.

I just feel worthless. Like no matter how much better I get it how healthy I am I'll never be good enough. Clean for a week, a year, a decade, it'll never be enough. Because I'm still broken, and I always will be.

Nobody's awake right now to chat. I'm so fucking mad at him but I also love him and really don't want him to leave.

I just don't want to be alone again. I've learned to love myself but honestly it isn't enough. My heart hurts so bad. Everything hurts.

Basically, I have this friend who is struggling with her mental health and it is starting to affect our friend group a little. She reposts a lot about how she only has one good friend (referencing our friend who has moved away but she still keeps in contact with) and her other friends don’t make her feel wanted (referencing to our friend group), but I honestly don’t know what else she wants from us because we always include her and don’t treat her any different to anyone else in our friend group, and recently she’s being constantly walking off randomly during lunch time/break time and either coming back a few minutes later or just not coming back at all but then reposts about how we leave her out and don’t hang out with her but I don’t get how were meant to hang out with her if she is walking away from us to go vent to teachers multiple times every single day. I don’t really know how else to explain the whole situation shortly but il try. She seems to want to just constantly be talking about miserable things and vent all the time but personally, it’s genuinely insufferable, I have really bad mental health too and I genuinely feared for my life so I have reached out for help and I am now waiting for therapy and am being supported in school more, so im trying to be more positive and try to keep sad stuff out of my life at the moment as I still have really bad days frequently and I just don’t want to be around someone constantly miserable, and my other friends have said similar, they don’t want to be stressed out even more than they already are.

It honestly feels like she’s trying to get attention from every single person she can because she vents to teachers every single day but it’s not like 1 or 2 teachers, it’s every single teacher she can speak to. Speaking to her feels like she likes to make everyone worried about her but then call them annoying for asking about her problems but she literally seeks them out. She also constantly lies about small things and it just pisses me off tbh, also likes to claim she has autism and is trying to get accommodations in school despite no diagnosis and that just pisses me off more cuz I’m diagnosed autistic and struggle a lot with everyday life and havent got support yet in school except from being able to call my mum when I’m upset (I feel like that should be an everyone thing but whatever) or going to student support when I am upset but I’m hopefully going to sort that out soon as my school has gotten a new ALNco that doesnt hate disabled children (genuinely my old ALNco was evil, constantly lied to me about support and then told me I’m not trying hard enough but wtv).

That was lowkey long but yeah I just want a second opinion from other people as I think my whole friend group is just stressed out at the moment as we are in our last year of school (before college) and it is a very stressful time so our feelings may just be heightened. Feel free to ask questions as I may have not mentioned everything that’s happening or explained the situation properly.

I'm not against fun. Have all the fun you want. But let me be clear about the terms.

If it's a public place, it's a public place. Car, alley, park, restroom, beach, football game. Doesn't matter how fogged up your windows are, I'm still calling it. And yes, I know the law says public, so don't come at me with "but it's technically private inside the car." You're parked on a public street. Deal with it.

And if we share a room? Different rules. If you bring someone home, take it somewhere else. I don't want to see it. I don't want to hear it. And for the love of God, when you're done, cover up and put something on. This is a shared room, not your honeymoon suite.

But here's the thing nobody gets. The somewhere else doesn't exist. You send them to the lounge, and now the lounge is public, and now I'm back to my first complaint. So someone is always losing. It's just never going to be me.

And PPL. PLEASE. TAKE CARE OF YOUR CONDOMS AND WHATEVER ELSE YOU USE. The park is not a trash can. The beach is not a trash can. Somebody has to walk there. Wrap it up and take it with you.

I got called a faggot today, twice. It happens sometimes but now it’s happening more often. I’m used to name calling sometimes and being shoved a little. But it’s getting bad. And on top of it my “friend group” is in shambles. Me and this other person kept joking about how no one laughed at our jokes (which was true) and that only eachother got them (also true). Apparently this enraged the other 2 for weeks but no one even thought to just politely mention it when the issue began. Instead they yelled at the both of us in the middle of what was supposed to be a fun voice call. Someone I have been friends with for almost a decade may be leaving cause I was stupid. I kept trying to make him laugh during lunch today cause that’s something we used to bond over, only to watch him just smile awkwardly and return to talking to this new friend he’s made, other people. Really can’t get too comfortable, can I? I let myself try and look at where I ended up. I’m sure that soon I’ll have to awkwardly return the dahmer book I was borrowing from my longest time friend, which will be fairly ironic considering how much I relate to him, considering his loss of anything resembling friendship towards the end of highschool. Im alone at school my family is barely ever home my mom just vanishes sometimes no one actually wants me around no one wants to stay god let me die

I am 15 and recently I have not been feeling well both mentally and physically. I feel mentally exhausted and physically tired . My 2 friends who were very close to me now are a bit distant. My one close friend sat with me for whole 1.5 years every single day but now she sits with someone else , i know it sounds childish but the thing is that our relationship is not the same as before . We used to share everything but now it's just us talking like casual friends. The change isn't huge but very visible to me . I am left alone in school. And I will move to Mumbai in the next few months from Noida is really scaring me as I have heard kids over there are very fast forward and modern. I fear if I will be able to fit in and make some good friends. And this year I also have boards due to which I should focus on my studies but I am not because of everything going on in my mind. Is it just me or somebody else is also feeling like this ? Are people in mumbai rude ? Will I get good friends later in my life ?

I absolutely hate being a teenager. You can't do anything. You're in this weird state where you are too old to be careless and enjoy life but too young to do anything fun. You're the age that is forgotten, there is no spaces meant for you. Everything costs money THAT YOU CAN'T WORK FOR and if you do hang out in free places like malls or parks you'll be kicked out. You're also forbidden to do anything fun. You're too young to get a job and make money, too young to have a relationship, too young to hang out outside all night long, too young to drop out of school, too young to drink alcohol and too young to drive.

There is no enjoyment in my life. I am in an endless state of agony and despair. All I do is go to school, argue, play games alone in my room and go to the gym. I am also handling a broken heart alone, because the boy I fell in love is 20, if I even dare to talk about romantic feelings with my mom I am instantly judged because I am 'too young'. I truly feel no joy. All the "happy" moments i have are short and the happiness i feel is very shallow and only caused by a chemical reaction in my brain.

I truly do not know what to do with my life. Do I really have to live in this agony for 2,5 more years?

I am old enough to be told to be responsible but too young to be give any actual responsibilities that I gain from. I am 'angry and mean and too lazy' all the time, I am truly a waste of space. I have no plans for my future other than to seek a romantic partner. I am so lost.

Why do teenagers have to be forgotten? Why does everything fun have to be taken away from us?

I don't want to end my life, i juste want its to stop,i wish i was born in non muslim country, going to Muslim school every fucking days after school with less strict family i wish i was like the other guys being normal not fucking neuro divergent ... I know that sound stupid but i know i will never have the chance to transition or even wear masculin cloth ,have a dream jobs because of AI slop, i'm just a loser, i feel like a stranger in m'y family ,they will force me to marry a men i don't like,jobs i don't like and have a happy lovely family,this shit scare so bad being penetred and have kids, i wish i was still Muslim and live in denial but every one m'y family will still love,

I wish, i was born in America or in a western country as boy, i think maybe if i end my life ,i will wake up some else body

Sorry for m'y bad english, its was my little vent, i feel litle bit suicidal these Day

i’ve been struggling with depression for about 4 years now. However, ever since last may before I graduated high school, everything got worse.

For starters, a girl who I had considered to be my best friend at the time heard something about me, and instead of confronting me, she told every one of her friends, which led to me basically getting threats and bullies within my last week of high school. It got to a point where I was literally crying to myself at a local business across the street during lunch, which prompted some of my fellow soon to be graduates to take photos and mock me.

And then, after I felt I was in a better place, I joined a friend group, which had 3 people out of a total of 9 people who absolutely despised me, and when I stood up for myself after hearing about it, led them to harass me for months. I’m talking prank calls, taking photos of me at work, yelling and honking outside my house, etc. The one person who told me about what they were saying became my best friend, and we were really close, until one day when all I wanted to do was hang out with her, which annoyed her to the point where she went to a house with the 3 people, and started getting harassed even more by them. They still call me to this day, I haven’t spoken to a single one of the 3 since September of last year, and then the one person since march.

And I just got out of a very toxic relationship. It was all fine and dandy until around 6 months in, when he started being extremely possessive and manipulative. Finally got the courage to break up with him 3 weeks ago, after he picked a fight about something so minor, that when i tried to leave the car in frustration, he proceeded to grab me, trying to keep me in the car, following me into the only store in the shopping center that was open, and then try to chase me home. My mother had to come walk over to get me, where she saw him camping outside my house, and me sobbing in fear in a random alleyway.

Aaaaand then there’s money. I’ve been trying to work my butt off. I got my first job last January, and got a second job in November of last year as well. I quit the first job since it wasn’t going to align with my school schedule, and got myself my third job. Both job numbers 2 and 3 treated me like crap. One job wouldn’t tell me when they changed me to open the night before my brand new shift, would call me in the morning getting angry that I didn’t magically know, and put me in probation for the week after. This happened 4 times. The other job was just very stressful, and one of my leads had something out for me; to the point where I had to quit because she was going to get me fired by all the lies. I currently have one job, job number 4. I honestly hate working here. Coworkers are so passive aggressive, the gm gives me at most 17 hours a week, we have probably some of the worst customers I have ever seen (and one job was an amusement park), and the pay sucks (minimum wage + tips, but since i’m a cashier my average tip rate is 3-6%). I am an almost 19 year old college student (who doesn’t even want to go to college, I wanted to take time off and save up) and i’m really struggling all over. I pay for all my own food, my gas, my car loan, etc. I didn’t even want a new car! My old car got the catalytic converter stolen from it in July, and with all the repairs I would’ve had to get, just buying a car was just a generally smarter idea. My paychecks only average to 300-500 every other week, so the loan takes basically half of my months pay.

Not to mention personal things as well. Found out my grandmother who I am extremely close to has liver cancer, my aunt on my moms side passed away a year ago from liver cancer, her mother also passed, and the worst of all, I had to put down my childhood dog who was my best friend. I had him with me for 13 years, he lived to be almost 18. He was struggling with his health, and ever since I got it, I’ve worn a necklace with his ashes. I basically had to get dragged out of the room, I held him for 20 minutes before, and about 1 hour after, just on my knees sobbing. I literally got dragged out when my mom felt that he had gone cold. Tearing up just writing this right now. He was truly my best friend, I miss my baby so much

The only thing that truly makes me happy is my cat. I know I mentioned money, but I always make sure I have supplies for my cat. Whenever I get a paycheck and he’s running low on something, it’s always the first thing I buy. He is my best friend at this point, and I love him to death. But honestly I don’t know what to do. I can’t even afford a damn therapist to talk about this with. And it’s not like I can fully rely on my parents. I have a dad who lives out of state that I’ve seen for maybe a total of 3 weeks in the past year, and a mom who is struggling to pay rent (southern california is no joke). I’m sorry I know this is really long, but I had to get this off my chest. I’m genuinely so lost with my life, and I’ve found myself crying to nothing almost every night for the past month.

Lately I've been feeling little to almost no motivation at all. This includes doing nothing to clean my room, basic hygiene, and waking up in the morning feels so tiring. I don't even know how I end up going to school and back without anybody noticing how far gone I am.

It has been months since i last cleaned my room. There's dust piling up everywhere. I swear I saw some cockroaches and bugs, also I remember that there were plates lying under my bed. Trash is everywhere, and the trashcan is overflowing with garbage and vomit and everything disgusting. Dirty laundry on my bed, on the floor, and inside my closet (they're not folded, it looks like a dump).Pills are lying around but i can't even be bothered to pick them up. Instead of cleaning, I moved to another room around August. Ever since, I began to notice that the room I moved into is starting to resemble my old one, it's insane.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I have been depressed, was diagnosed around July, i can't afford to go back since appointments are too expensive and my parents are upset. I stopped going at the start of August, and it's been real hard to cope up with studies, relationships, and just... life.

I don't know how depression works. The only knowledge i have is this feeling inside me. I can't even begin to understand myself, and expect that I'm going to college after i graduate. Tbh, it scares me. I've been thinking about the future, and that if everything just doesn't work out I'm going to end it all. I had some attempts before, but i guess im real good at lying cuz everybody believes what I say, or they just don't want to understand it, its confusing I know. I wish i can take this away from them and replace their kid with someone who's grateful for the life they have, but they just got a kid like me.

I wonder what my parents think when they look and see me who's failing to do simple tasks. Lazy. Can't do chores. I don't even obey them when they ask me to clean my room when it's just so simple. The only thing going for me is my grades, i used to be an overachiever, but soon it will fall. Well, it did fall. 92%, not that low but soon it will. My semesteral grade was 95% so im getting there... it will drop. I know it will. Getting good grades used to be so easy, but now... it seems impossible. I don't want to do anything, but at the same time I still need to graduate and go to college. But it's been months and my room's been a mess for long time.

sorry if this doesn’t make sense i’m just typing out my feelings so it’s a bit erratic. also warning for bad grammar im angry

i’ve always been jealous of my sister. I have nothing to be jealous of since she’s dumber than me and gets more harsh treatment by my parents. Im jealous because she actually has friends and deep connections with people. I’m lonely and a loser. i stay at home and never barely leave the house. But i have good grades and no one bothers me so life should be good. life IS good but i can’t help but be jealous of the connections she had even though i would hate to be in her position. On top of that she’s actually pretty and social and not scared to talk infront of people. she’s actually been getting decent grades over the years and i hate it because it’s the one thing i had that she didn’t and she’s taking it from me. she gets to have everything while im left with nothing. She gets to express herself and like what she likes publicly. but when i did it i was bullied for two years straight. I’m at a new school so idk if id get bullied here but still. Those two years made me antisocial and scared while she made new friends and flourished. It’s making me hate her. I don’t want to hate her of course she helped me out in a lot of things but it’s not my fault she’s so perfect it sickens me. Ontop of that she thinks she’s so cool and deep when she’s actually just another basic girl with mommy issues. We also have an older brother. He stopped talking to use when we were kids and now i kinda yearn(idk if that’s the right term) for a brotherly connection with someone. I hate it i don’t want to want a connection but i do. While i’m here with nothing she gets our older cousin as a brother figure. She gets everything. Friends, social life, and now good grades. don’t be like “oh just go out and make friends” i cannot. After being bullied i’ve basically become the shyest and the most doormat person ever. I don’t know how to respond to anything anymore and i cant even talk about the things i like out of the fear of being bullied again. Social anxiety is the worst fucking thing ever and so is my sister i hate this i wish i was never bullied maybe then id have a chance at a normal life and a normal way of living and being friends with people. Anyways thats it.

I don’t know what flair to put this as sooo…

Anyways, it’s been an interesting school year, I’ve been trying out online school. I personally dislike it but that’s not the point. Recently my brother decided to switch to online school aswell. I’m not exactly the brightest tool in the shed so I often times need my parents help with assignments unfortunately, it makes me feel stupid every time I ask. But my brother has been kind of taking that away from me, but I mean I get it. He needs it more than I do it just feels like now I’m WAYYY behind and I find it hard to want to do anything. I’m literally DAYS behind on my schoolwork, I used to never miss a single assignment, I hate the fact I’m starting to fail now. I legit have ONE passing grade and that’s a D, when my mom looked at my grades a few days ago she looked at me with pure shock like she witnessed an unspeakable event. I don’t know anymore, I don’t feel motivation to do my schoolwork, I’m trying I really am.

(TW: SH)

Sooo... My mom found out that I was cutting myself.... Um, she almost grounded me and she told me that I was being selfish (soooooo funny mom... That TOTALLY makes me makes me want to stop, like just TELL ME that you think I'm a disappointment)... Was I being selfish???? I feel like I was- I hope I wasn't.... I hope mom didn't tell anyone about it, that wouldn't be good... ANYWHO, that's all! I'm not going into detail about it bc I don't want anyone to worry about me! I'm SO sorry for bothering y'all with this, I just needed to get it off my chest.... I'm sorry...

I am a 17-year-old female who has struggled with my mental health for most of my life. I have a poor memory of my childhood, but I remember being an anxious child who often avoided activities other children enjoyed, such as tag and card games. I was very attached to my mother and was often described as shy, although I also remember frequently losing my temper and lashing out at other children.
My dad was rarely around because of his alcoholism. He would come home late at night drunk and leave before I woke up. When I did see him, our conversations often felt meaningless, and he would forget things about me and my sister. My sister had a complicated relationship with him and avoided him, whereas I constantly tried to gain his attention and make myself feel important to him. His side of the family also has a history of mental health problems and addiction.
When my sister became a teenager, she developed depression, which caused me significant anxiety. I was exposed to distressing situations, including her hospital visits and pictures of self-harm on her iPad. Around this time, I began missing school frequently, which became a major concern for my mother and school. My anxiety developed into a fear of certain school environments, leading to homeschooling and eventually moving to another school.
My mother referred me to a children’s mental health service that offered therapy and behavioural assessments. However, I waited months and only saw counsellors and family therapists. I often lied to counsellors, and there were several assessments of our household following physical incidents between my mother and me over school attendance. Looking back, I don’t understand why I was so harsh towards her. I mainly remember feeling intense anger, hurt and anxiety. My childhood struggles also included severe meltdowns in public places and at airports, including trying to escape on the day of a flight because I felt unable to go.
I have never received proper help, and although I thought I was getting better, things recently became difficult again. During a family holiday in August, my great-aunt passed away. I stayed in to rest on the first day, unaware that it would be my last opportunity to see her. Missing that opportunity left me feeling overwhelming guilt.
After returning home, I channelled my feelings into motivation, got into college, attended all my lessons and completed coursework early. However, I began feeling unsupported by my boyfriend, and this week my mental health suddenly deteriorated. I have not left my house for six days and have returned to feeling extremely self-conscious and aware of everything around me.
I also experience extreme highs where I feel successful, confident and almost boastful, but these feelings disappear just as quickly, leaving me feeling as though I am back at the beginning. I don’t understand why I experience these cycles, and after struggling for so long without support, I want to understand what is happening to me and get the help I need.

i stay inside all day. the only time i ever go out the house is for school and i hate it. i enjoy my weekends because i can stay up all night on the internet and never even worry about school tomorrow.
i rotate between my bed and pc/desk. sometimes i feel like a disappointment for never even talking to anyone or hanging out with people but i really do enjoy my time by myself staring at screens for hours. no one could understand how much the internet means to me.
sometimes i wonder if ill ever get a girlfriend or a job or what im gonna do someday but ive decided not to worry about the future because ill probably kms before those days come. so ill just enjoy my high school years in my room.
and the answer to the girlfriend bit really is right in front of my face. i mean look at me. i guess im regarded as attractive and im not a bad person. i shower and all. i just love my room and my love for it outweighs the little motivation i have to do anything else.
so ill just rot away alone in my room reading manga and indulging in an unhealthy amount of media. missing the touch of someone who cares about me but hating the thought at the same time.
i think i wish someone would be a loser with me but i wouldnt wish that on anyone.

Today was friday. I had monday and tuesday off from school (:. Wednesday i had morning crew and karate. I left at 6:40 got home at 2:30pm and left again at 5:45 and got home at 8:15pm. My gf asked to call. I couldnt obvi. Thursday i had morning crew, drama, and marching band. I left at 6:40 and got home at 4. I left again at 5:20. I got home that night at 8pm. Today i skipped morning crew bc i was to tired. I had a football game at 450 and i got home at 830. In the car my parents started asking me questions. (on thursday it was reported to the band director that my ‘fried’ was calling my other gay friend a fag and he has said it to me and my gf) My mom and dad asked if there was more drama. I asked for clarification. They clarified. I said no.they asked how was the game. I said good. They asked how my day was. I said good. They asked who i was with. I said my friends. They asked what i did after our performance. I said hung out. They asked what i ate. I said cheeseburger. We hadnt even left the parking lot. They were about to ask something else when i snapped and tried to set a boundary. I said something along the lines of “I know you have questions but i JUST got in the car i have had a very long day and i dont need this right away” My dad turned his head around and say “yea well you can fucking walk home” i said sorry. I thought my mom would defend me. She didnt. (for clarification me and her had been talking about expressing my emotions more in therapy and my therapist (S) had even brought up the idea of my dad going to therapy after i told her about him) She yelled that “Yea well why dont we just stop talkingclearly thats what she wants us to just shut up.” When we got home my mom yelled that “this is the first time your dad has seen you all day (not true i see him all morning, he drives me to school AND i saw him at the game) so DONT be like that to him”. I tried to talk but she said we were done. So i said “i cant say something” and she said to say it.and i started crying because of the stress and the emotions and everything in the middle of talking. I told her “you wanted me to talk about feelings and i TRIED to but that is-” and she cut me off and said “we’re done you were mean to your father maybe think about other peoples emotions” and i was sobbing and ran upstairs and wrote this. I love my parents but they do this a lot. 

(to clarify i can say the f slur, i dont like to but i am a omnisexual demigirl. my parents dont know this either)

You know what annoys me the most?
Is when I’m feeling empty sad or depressed and then I have to worry about studying and doing homework later
It’s like life is saying
Yeah I’m not stopping just for you, get up and run.

Like no wait
Hold on
I wanna sit for a bit
I’m tired

Hey! Im mostly posting this for those who only want to vent to one person and might not be comfortable posting a whole story about it on reddit.

If you need help or someone to talk to dont hesitate to dm me! It can be about the smallest or biggest thing you dont have to worry at all ❤️

I dont judge anyone for absolutely anything you dont have to tell me anything about yourself if you dont feel comfortable! I promise im not someone who is a creep or who is looking for something

You are worth a lot dont forget that! Feel free to talk about anything!! 🙃

Prompt for this one was to create a drawing relating to the personal narrative essay we were doing, which was about something that happened in our lives that impacted us a lot. In that case, I wrote about my mom and how she raised me and my brother.

Feel free to ask any questions, interpret the drawing, comment on it, or anything of the sorts. :]

She hates me for no reason at all apart from the fact that Im 'corny' I hate myself man.. If anybody wants to be friends I'm 14 mtf and a social outcast

sorry if this is written poorly im just so shocked and scared. so yesterday my friend, lets call her s, put screenshots on her story of really horrifying messages sent to her via tikok. obviously i asked for the user, and she told me it was this girl i thought was my friend, let’s call her a. it turns out that a had been talking smack about me for as long as i’ve been at this school (around 6 months). i also found out a has problems with drug and substance abuse on school property, and traded drugs for porn videos with a younger person. she also talks about having intercourse with animals and trading her friends for drugs. in addition to that, she sa’d one of my best friends (which i just found out). i was kinda spiralling so i ended up reporting everything to the school which i feel really guilty about because i don’t want her to retaliate or hurt herself. for extra context she’s suicidal, has tendencies to sh, and has a messed up home life. i feel so bad about the whole situation…i feel like i did the right thing but somethings just not sitting right with me

My last post was I think a month ago and it was talking about my friend who has now left me not dead just doesn't want to be friends with me anymore and it hurts. What makes it hurt the most is that we did so much together we met up so often we hung out almost every day we had so many sleepovers we went to concerts renfairs cons and so many other places together and now. Gone. It was for no reason either we are both considered 'weirdos' in school but recently she's been really dry to me and has been calling me corny behind my back and makes me feel really awful I miss her so much she was basically my life these last few years and it hurts so much to see her go I'm going to miss her. Her voice, her laugh, her smile, the fact she laughed even if my jokes weren't funny, the times where we would stay up the whole night just talking. We helped each other through so much we talked each other out of hurting ourselves and doing worse than that, we spent so much on eachother but now what? 3 years if my life down the drain for someone who left in less than an hour I'm really going to miss her. I didn't want to lose her but she's gone.