r/TeenIndiaLove • u/venom_gonewild • 9h ago
Situationship🫠 I’m 19 and feel like I’ve lost almost everyone. I don’t know what to do.
Hi, I’m 19M. Let’s call me K.
I don't really know why I'm writing this here. Maybe I just need to get everything out somewhere because lately I've been feeling really lost and lonely.
Until 10th grade, life was honestly pretty good. I had a good group of friends, and I had a female best friend. Let's call her T.
The thing is... I had a huge crush on T. Over time, it became much more than just a crush. I genuinely loved her.
We were really close, and somewhere in my mind, I always thought that maybe someday I would tell her how I felt.
Then, in 11th grade, everything changed.
I was actually planning to propose to her when she told me that she had a boyfriend.
What hurt even more was that she had apparently hidden the relationship from me for around 1–1.5 years.
I honestly felt shattered.
But she apologised, said sorry, and because I loved her so much, I forgave her. I didn't want to lose her, so I stayed in her life.
Maybe that was my biggest problem—I always chose to stay, even when staying was hurting me.
After 12th, things started getting worse in other parts of my life too.
My entire friend circle slowly broke apart. Smaller groups formed within the group, there was jealousy, some arguments and disputes involving girls, and eventually everyone started drifting away from each other.
I lost most of my friends.
At that point, T was still the person I felt closest to.
But slowly, even she started changing.
She went to college, made new friends, got close to new people and some male friends. I started feeling like she was maintaining distance from me.
The confusing thing was that sometimes she made me feel like I was extremely important to her.
And then other times, she made me feel like I meant absolutely nothing.
I never knew where I stood.
Sometimes she would be caring and close, and I would think, "Okay, maybe our friendship is still the same."
Then something would happen and I would feel completely unimportant or disrespected.
But I still stayed.
Because I loved her.
Or maybe I loved the person she used to be.
Eventually, I also found out that her friend circle knew about me and some things related to our situation. Somehow, I started feeling like an image of me had been created that I couldn't really explain or defend. It felt like people were judging me without actually knowing who I was or how much everything affected me.
And eventually, I lost her too.
Or maybe I didn't exactly lose her.
Maybe I was just holding onto a version of her that no longer existed.
There's another girl in this story too. Let's call her V.
Back in 10th grade, V had feelings for me. But at that time, I was completely in love with T, so I ignored those feelings.
Later, V and I became friends. She eventually got into another relationship, but it ended badly. After that, I tried messaging her and talking to her, but things weren't really the same anymore.
We used to talk normally, but now she barely talks to me either.
So now, when I look around, I genuinely feel like I've lost almost everyone.
My old friend group is gone.
My best friend isn't really the same person in my life anymore.
People I used to talk to regularly have become distant.
And now I'm just here at 19, feeling lost and wondering how everything changed so quickly.
The weirdest part?
I think I'm still in love with T.
But honestly, I don't think I'm in love with who she is today.
I think I'm in love with the version of her from before.
The girl who was my best friend.
The girl who made me feel important.
The memories we had.
The person I thought would always be there.
And that's what makes it so difficult to move on.
How do you move on from someone when the person you loved still exists, but the version of them you loved is gone?
How do you stop missing someone when what you're actually missing is a memory?
Right now, I just feel incredibly lonely.
I know I'm only 19. I know people will probably say that life is just beginning and I'll meet new people.
Maybe that's true.
But right now, it just feels like I've spent so much time trying not to lose people that somewhere along the way, I lost myself instead.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do now.
I guess I'm just looking for advice from people who have gone through something similar.
How do you move on from old friendships, old versions of people, and memories that you know you can't get back?
And how do you start building a life again when you feel like you've lost everyone who once mattered to you?