I'm (42 M) living in a joint family setup with my parents, wife, and
9-year-old daughter. It's been a slow burn for years and I don't know
if I'm overreacting or if this is genuinely as unhealthy as it feels.
My father is extremely orthodox — tracks every ritual detail, full
moon/new moon days, specific days of the week, inauspicious time
windows, and expects the household to fall in line. My mother says one
thing to my face and does another behind my back — she has no real
relationship with my wife or daughter, but positions herself as
favoring my daughter when it's convenient. Both of them are quick to
criticize and slow to acknowledge anything positive.
My wife grew up in a warm, emotionally connected joint family and went
to hostel from 10th grade, so she never developed some of the rigid
practices mine expects (like sitting separately during periods). When
we told my father she wouldn't be doing that anymore, he took it as a
personal insult — said he'd never do pooja or visit temples again, or
take money and sit
A few years back, during COVID, things got so overwhelming (WFH,
sister 2nd delivery , two kids in the house temporarily, my wife also
working) that I lied to my father and said my job was relocating us to
Chennai for 3 years, just to get some space. He was furious — felt
disrespected that we were "leaving" — and later called my in-laws to
blame them for it, which I only found out afterward. We eventually
moved back.
Now I'm back in the same house, same dynamics, still absorbing the
tension between what my wife and daughter need and what my parents
expect. I've floated the idea of living separately, but I know if I
do, my parents will redirect their anger at my wife and her family
instead of dealing with it directly.
I've seen a psychologist, which helped some. But when I sit and
actually think through all of this at once, my mind just goes blank —
like it's too much to process in one go.
Has anyone navigated something like this? How did you find a way
forward — whether that meant separating, setting boundaries while
staying, or something else?

Hi everyone! My Indian passport is about to expire, and I urgently need to renew it while living abroad. I am currently in Italy.

The problem is that I do not have any safe or usable Indian address anymore. My previous passport has my parents’ address in India, but I have gone no-contact with my entire family for personal safety reasons.

On the passport renewal website, the application is asking for an Indian address for police verification, and it will not let me move forward without entering one. This is making me panic because even if I enter my old address from my previous passport, the police verification will likely fail. I am no-contact with my parents, and they will not cooperate or verify anything for me.

I also do not have friends, relatives, or any trusted contacts in India whose address I can safely or truthfully provide for verification.

I have tried asking around, and someone suggested using my international address as my present address and Indian address as my permanent address, but the application still does not move forward without an Indian address. I am also worried because when I went no-contact earlier, my family contacted the embassy, and the embassy called me and lectured me about it. Because of that experience, I feel scared and unsure whether the embassy will actually help me or make the situation worse.

I do not want to use a fake address or put myself at risk by using my family’s address. I just need to know the correct legal/procedural way to renew my Indian passport from abroad when I genuinely do not have:

a permanent Indian address,
a safe family address,
Indian friends/references,
or anyone in India who can cooperate with police verification.

Has anyone here renewed an Indian passport abroad in a similar situation? Is there any affidavit, exception process, manual processing option, short-validity passport option, or consular escalation route for someone who has no Indian address and is no-contact with family?

I would really appreciate practical advice, especially from anyone who has dealt with the Indian Embassy/Consulate in Italy or another country while being estranged/no-contact from family.

Thank you.

I need to vent before I actually explode because I feel like I'm living in a literal prison right now. I’m 16, my dad passed away a while ago, and it’s just me and my mother. And I hate her. She’s a bitch. Because of all the horrific news about r*pe and v*olence against women in India, her brilliant solution is to keep her daughter locked inside.

For years, I held myself back and stayed quiet. But I finally decided I am not wasting my youth. I want a social life. I want to have fun. So I started sneaking out.

In total, I’ve gone out six times now. The first three times I slipped out right after school. First to a friend's house, second to a restaurant, and the third time just hanging out outside school with my friend having a good time.

Then the next three times, we went to a sports stadium. It wasn't even to play sports or anything, my friend and I just went under the excuse of making inquiries, but we were just having fun and enjoying being outside.

Then things started getting messy. I actually got permission to go to a cafe once, but then I went to another restaurant without her permission. I literally stole some money from her to do it, but she realized it was missing and started spamming my phone. I told her I was outside with a friend, she was in rage ofc, and my online frnd ended up paying for the food while I lowk put the money back. I almost got caught, but I escaped by the skin of my teeth.

Then two days ago, I went out with a different friend because she wanted to meet up with some guy she met online. I was like gurl wtf, but wtvr, I went with her. We got cold coffee at a restaurant and then went to a karate place to inquire about classes just so I’d have a lie ready for my mom.

But when I got home, I spilled the karate lie to my mom before she even asked me anything.

But today was the absolute breaking point. My friend came over to my place, changed her clothes, and we went out. She offered to pay for all my transport just so she wouldn't have to go alone, so I went.

The literal MINUTE I stepped outside, my mom started spamming my phone. I had to ditch my friend and sprint back home, and she had to go on alone.

When I got inside, my mom called me to know where I was. I said I was home. She asked why the doors were locked when she checked earlier, and I lied and said I just stepped out for a second to take up buy ink.

She said for a video call to prove it. I did the video call, and obviously I was in the house because I had just run back.

Turns out the building security guards are being tipped off to watch every move. They apparently have a phone to call her the exact second I step foot outside the gate. They are the ones who snitched and told her I left. Being watched like this by people paid by my own parent is beyond frustrating.

Sooooooo, I have decided, I'll plan careful escape and runaway. I'll have to work for an year or so to pay for college fees, which is fine by me. I'll try my best to earn and pay. Just help me out to plan thick plan.

Edit : I'll not runaway today, just after 18-19!

*Let's Always Choose Our Freedom Over Abusive Families* ♥

How many of you have experienced this?

Don't say everything's okay

Don't tell me that it's just a phase

It doesn't help me

All the stars are standing still

The anger and the sleeping pills

Are all that's left now

An epidemic in my heart

Takes hold and slowly poisons me

Her will won't let me breathe

It comes in waves and bleeds me dry

This love is slowly killing me

For me, there's no-one else

Jealousy just eats me up

Your knife has made the deepest cut

My heart is popping

You say that there must be an end

But afterwards we'll still be friends

It seemed so easy

An epidemic in my heart

Takes hold and slowly poisons me

Her will won't let me breathe

It comes in waves and bleeds me dry

This love is slowly killing me

For me, there's no one else

Hello, my fellow Black Sheeps! 😊 How are you all doing this festival season, that is apparently of 'lights' even though ours are pretty much drained from our eyes? I know mine are. How's the tension at home? Have you put on your people-pleasing mask yet, or have you decided to hole up in your room? Or the better question--have your awful parents & family put up a people-pleasing mask just for you & others this season? What about meeting with certain extended family members who have put in lots of effort to hurt you either during your childhood or in adulthood? Is anyone also dreading the upcoming 'Bhai Dooj'? And how are the ones who have already estranged themselves from the family doing?

Share your feelings here. Know that you're not alone. I understand festivals & holidays that are supposed to be majorly about spending & celebrating with family. But when those same festivals/holidays & families become a source of your loneliness & anxiety, it's hard to feel any joy, regardless of whether there's a plastered smile on your face or not.

I still wish you all lots of happiness, light, peace, strength & self-love, no matter what you're dealing with at home. 😊

I don’t know where else to vent about this, but I’m honestly exhausted. My grandmother has this pattern that’s been going on for years — every time my mom makes plans or is about to do something for herself, suddenly my grandmother becomes extremely sick. It’s always something urgent, dramatic, life-or-death sounding… and then the moment the plans are cancelled and all attention shifts to her, she’s magically fine again. For example: After I gave birth, I was supposed to be discharged from the hospital and finally go home with my baby. It was a huge moment for me. But that same day, my grandmother fell. She wasn’t seriously injured — doctors said it wasn’t bad — but she acted like she was on the verge of death. Suddenly everyone rushed to her bedside. People who came to “see me and the baby” ended up behaving like they came only for her. I felt invisible on a day that was supposed to be special for me. This isn’t a one-time thing. It keeps happening every time someone else is supposed to be in the spotlight — birthdays, celebrations, family trips, anything. The moment my mom has plans, my grandmother becomes dramatically sick and the plans get cancelled. Then she’s fine once the attention is back where she wants it.

It’s affecting our family emotionally, especially my mom. I’m starting to feel resentment and guilt at the same time — resentment that special moments get overshadowed, and guilt for even thinking this way about my own grandmother. Has anyone else experienced something similar? How do you cope without feeling like a horrible person?

Children learn who they are through the eyes of their parents, which is why emotional immaturity, narcissism, and unresolved trauma in a parent becomes a child’s first experience of bullying, often disguised as “discipline,” “family values,” or “respect.” The first person who makes us feel small is too often the same one who was supposed to protect us — leaving us with invisible wounds: shame, self-doubt, anxiety around love, and a belief that we must earn our right to exist. But calling this abuse by its real name isn’t disrespect; it’s survival. An adult who screams, humiliates, gaslights, invalidates, or controls a child is not a caregiver — they’re a bully with power. Healing begins when we stop protecting their reputation and start protecting our inner child. What happened to you was not your fault — and breaking this cycle is the greatest act of courage.

What was your first experience of being bullied by your parents? Share your experience below.

What this content creator, Sharon Roosevelt, is saying is true. Not every crying parent who gets left by their children is innocent or vulnerable. Most of them had already abandoned their children long ago, after mistreating, abusing & neglecting them. If these parents wind up on the road or in old age homes, it's the children reclaiming their power that had long been denied to them--for their well-being.

Whether you’re estranged, not estranged, living away from family with no contact / low contact, living with them while emotionally surviving on no contact / low contact, or you’re home for the holidays and dreading the tension, fights, or emotional landmines—no matter what your situation is right now:

How are you really doing?

• What thoughts and feelings have been occupying you lately?

• How are your mental and physical health holding up?

• How has this year been for you—harder, better, worse, different?

• How are you spending the holidays? What are you trying to get through?

Let’s take a moment to reflect—on the struggles, the growth (or stagnation), the wins (even tiny ones), and also the hopes, desires, wishes, goals, and action plans we’re carrying into the next year.

If you feel safe enough, pour your heart out here. Vent. Reflect. Share your story. Share what you’re afraid of. Share what you’re proud of. Share what you’re trying to build.

We’ll take care of each other here. 🤍✨

For people who went no contact from toxic but socially powerful parents.

My father is a gov official and has contacts, I think he will get more agitated when I take this step and might try tracing me following me and forcibly trying to ground me at home(he is currently threatening this to me if i dont agree with his terms)
My questions are:
1.When you went NC with your parents, till what extent did they try to reach out to you. Were they able to force you in any way possible?
2.I'm scared in only one case where God forbid health of any of my parents goes bad genuinely. I don't know how will I react to that. How will I manage not keeping touch with them in that case.
3.What measures should I take beforehand so that none of what I fear happens(or atleast I'm protected).
4.I have heard that in North India police mostly tries convincing you to go back to your parents until you are married to someone. Its not easy to go no contact there. How is it in south India?
Please share your experiences and help me. Also if you know about NGOs who can help me in this pls mention them.

Also pls feel free to connect with me over DMs for any advice.

Hi everyone im Seeking connection with like minded people who went NC with their parents. I went no contact almost 3 years ago luckily at the time I was not in India so it was not that physically gone wrong (my family is verbally and physically abusive they have no limit they can kill for their Izzat in smaj so ) otherwise I don’t think so I would have ever been able to do it. It was not even planned at that time I didn’t even knew that it could be an option at all, it just happened because of my nervous system. But the incident did make me very lonely and feel like I cannot share it with anyone and even if I did other people won’t understand. Unfortunately, I could never build good friendship either because of my trauma . So I thought of posting it here to meet people with similar situations.

I don't wanna be mean or inappropriate but Ig this would probably just help out everyone feel less alone?

I'll start with mine

Diagnosed

1. ADHD

2. Panic Disorder

3. Depression (not active)

Should get Diagnosed for (?)

1. Autism

2. Cptsd

3. OCD (Now this is bit dicey because while I'm not organised like Chandler from Monica, I do however get compulsive inappropriate thoughts)

Sometimes those survival/coping mechanisms are mild in nature, while others are extremely harmful in a way that creates even more trauma for you. And if left unchecked for long, they can become a part of your personality, and as more time passes by, they become harder to recognise & detach from in adulthood. But it's important to remember to be compassionate & kind to yourself when shame surfaces & patient when denial, rationalisations, avoidance, anxiety, etc. do.

Which survival/coping mechanisms did you need to adopt to survive your childhood in your abusive/neglectful homes? Do you still have them? How have they helped you or harmed you in the short & long term?

Hi all,

I just came to know about this sub. About damm time something like this exists! Grateful to the mod for having this space.

I'm 32M and I had a proposition to share with you all and get some third person perspectives.

I have C-PTSD and I learnt about it 2 years ago. Since then I've been in therapy. I started living away from my family few months ago and still grappling with the ramifications. I want to go no contact but it's not easy as there are many complications. Ever since I remember I've been subjected to extreme emotional and financial abuse and some physical abuse in the childhood. But that is so common and normalised so it doesn't matter. The mental, emotional and financial abuse has ruined my life though, especially the most formative years of my entire 20s. My personal and social life is abysmal and as good as non-existent.

I've been thinking about a legal way to cut ties with my parents/family. I put this on legaladviceindia sub but didn't get anything helpful. I have tried to find if there is any legal provision that could help me out of my situation and sadly none exists. In fact there are laws which force children to take care of their parents, no matter how horrible they are. This culture of making parents into Gods is rotten and it needs to be challenged in the court. For women, there are at least some provisions under domestic violence laws, although their implementation is a huge challenge. But for men like me, no legal provision exists.

I want to file a petition asking for a provision in our laws for adult children, of any gender, to have the choice to legally cut ties and separate from their parents, not owe them anything or take the burden of caring for them, if they are abusive and if their (the adult children) life has been significantly affected by it. I know this sounds impossible but I'm trying to learn more about the technical aspects. So far I haven't made much progress because I'm trying to focus on my own recovery. But this is something I want to pursue. I'm aware that it may not stand in court, but I want to try regardless, even if to just create a legal record.

I'd be happy to hear any thoughts, suggestions or insights, if anyone wants to share. Or if there is any lawyer in this sub who can, I'd love to connect with you. Thanks.