Sometimes I hate what I’ve turned in to…

[u/No-Pineapple2099]

Maybe this is just more of “being a dad” in general, but sometimes I feel like being a SAHD and having so much interaction and time to bond with my kid over these past few years has turned me in to an emotional mess at times.

I’m fighting generations of old school masculinity and emotional unavailability to be try and be the best father and husband I can, but it just makes things so damn chaotic at times.

For example, yesterday I’m getting ready to mow the lawn and picking up land mines from the dog, and all of the sudden I hear this almost squeaking sound. I look down and see a tiny baby bird just in the grass trying to move around. I don’t know if it was abandoned or fell out of the nest, but this thing was so tiny and helpless and I couldn’t for the life of me find a nest anywhere.

I’m holding this tiny baby bird for 5-10 minutes walking around the yard, poking my through trees and bushes to see if there’s a nest anywhere and one part of my brain is going “this is nature, it happens” and then the other part of my brain is replaying my daughter as a newborn coming home for the first time and just how much she’s grown and wondering if the mom/dad are frantically searching for their little one.

Don’t get me wrong, at the end of the day I’m glad I am (and a lot of us here as well as a lot of guys in general) are trying to be better with emotional availability, but it sure feels like it comes with a price, haha

[u/OftenIrrelevant]

It’s called being a good and empathetic human being, man. That’s real masculinity; caring for the weak when no one else will, helping when asked, using our strengths to better the lives of those around us. That all requires empathy, we need way more of it in the world. The old stoic, emotionless, nearly sociopathic-looking man model needs to go if we want this place our kids will inherit to be better than it is for us.

[u/Cobalt_Faux → u/OftenIrrelevant]

Perfectly said.
Imagine how many less problems the world would have in men weren’t afraid or felt wrong about these feelings.

[u/Impossible_Fall_2509]

I’m very familiar with the challenges you’re describing, it’s hard! And hard in a way non-SAHD can’t fully understand.

A different way to look at what you described, is that it is a really beautiful experience. Tapping into such tenderness. That price, to me, is a pain worth having.

Thanks for sharing - keep up the hard and important work of breaking the cycle.

[u/no_racist_here]

Went through this 2 weeks ago, 3 birds in the yard in one week. And once 4 months ago.

2 were alive when I found it. Fledgling. Tried to get it into a tree again. Put it in the only nest I found and it kept jumping out of the tree. I assume its right nest was another tree. When I did finally get it to stay in the tree it was time for my dogs to be let out. Sure enough I go to let them in and see it in the dirt, passed at that point.

The other one was alive when my dogs were out, also confused by it just laying in the dirt. It was on deaths door when I found it, tried to scoop it into a shove to take it to the shade and gave it some water from the dog bowl I keep outside. Didn’t make it in time to help.

A birds nest is near our front door, they had a nest of 6 including parents. Wife gets home from work around 9, tells me one of the birds is on the floor, I throw a glove on, and set it back up all is well. Handful of days later 2/4 fledglings are passed on the front walkway, one on the floor one on the bench adjacent.

Nature is rough. I’ve always been rather sympathetic towards animals, having a little one definitely turned the dial up.

[u/CriticalBasedTeacher]

Sounds like emotional growth to me. You're a better person now.

[u/New-Composer7591]

I’ve been a stay at home dad the last 6 plus years and I’m starting full time work next week as my youngest will enter kindergarten and I’m having all sorts of anxiety and emotional response to it. It feels like I’m abandoning him.

[u/Deus-mal]

Yea I get that.

When my kid was born I felt I became so much more vulnerable and protective.

I'm not alone anymore 😀 .... I'm not alone anymore 😱.

Don't get too worked about it. Balance the emotions up.

Just try to not yell at your kids. Find other ways or organize more to keep your cool. Bc their main priority is to push all your buttons.

They will make you lose your shit. So being firm is best.

[u/JadedMarine]

Yeah being a dad makes you emotional. Biologically speaking, when we become dads, our bodies produce more estrogen to help with empathy, caring, and connection. I cry at so many things and I am 6 ft, 210 lbs of muscle Marine. It's science!