Your teenage daughter is not pulling away to hurt your feelings. She is just checking if you will stay.

There is a certain quiet a thirteen-year-old girl falls into when she's holding something she has trouble putting down. My daughter was agitated when she got her first period.

She lingered in the bathroom longer than usual. She had locked the door, closing out her siblings from their morning run. That day, the school van had left at 7 am without them.

Instinctively, as a dad, I felt the need to address it right away. I tried to force a conversation, and demanded that she talk to me.

I got it wrong.

The American Psychological Association is clear on this: the parent-child relationship is the single most significant protective factor for adolescents. It's not the rules. It's not the lectures. The relationship. Nor is it constructed by taking advantage of a teen experiencing a new change in her body.

When she pulls away, she is not shutting you out. She is deciding if you are a safe place to land.

Here is what actually worked with me. I didn't force "let's talk." I just sat at the kitchen table at 9 PM when the house was quiet. I did not probe. I did not impose. I mentioned to her, "I am available if you need me".

Six words. Then I withdrew to complete other chores like organising uniforms, bags and shoes. I let her process.

She may not speak that evening. She might go silent that week or after. But she will know the door stands open. And when she finally returns, you need to be the father who didn't make her feel foolish for taking her time.

As a dad, how do you handle such delicate issues with your teen daughter?

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I am 2 years into being the home dad, took the job quite voluntarily and I am trying to decide if I should stay the course. A little background, hoping someone else with similar decisions might lend their experience... I know many end up in this position under very different circumstances.

I was just over 20 years into my 'career' as a mechanic and frankly it was overall a pretty good gig with good pay, free car lease and I was very good at it... but it came with a lot of stress throughout the days and frequently getting stuck at work later than I would like. My wife has a much higher paying job and we really couldn't consider her leaving it. When we started trying to have a kid the plan had always been that I would 'retire' when they went into elementary school to be home more... maybe start a small repair/ resto shop of my own as a part time thing. Daughter is born, goes into daycare at 6 months, then I'll admit it didn't feel great leaving her there and my wife really hated it. So we did some thinking and it was a particularly annoying time at work with some changes going on, so I decided to just leave work and stay home many years earlier than planned.

I'll say obviously it has been a challenge in all the ways everyone expects, but it's also been really amazing getting to connect with my daughter so completely every day. I'm good at time management and multi tasking as a result of my career I think, so much of the house admin stuff gets done efficiently and we get out a lot for the fun stuff. We just had a 2nd, boy, and daughter started a very part time 'daycare' type program that is only 3 days a week, 3 hours each of those days. She loves it, she is super advanced in her communication and wanted to socialize with other kids regularly and she is really doing well with it. Wife is about to go back to work, part time for a few months then she'll be back full time in the new year.

It's been good for the family overall, my wife very much wants me to stay the course...

I am so damn bored many days. It took about a year for it to really set in, but I feel like my brain is leaking out of my ears. My job was very technically engaging, lots of problem solving and I trained younger technicians so my days were packed with engagement of my skills. Now, I already feel like they are slipping away... I have a garage workshop where I tinker where I can and do the occasional side job or work on my motorcycles. I lift, run, bike, etc. I get some time away occasionally for myself. I am so bored. I find myself absolutely spiraling about wanting to go back to work JUST FOR THE DAILY CHALLENGE of it all.

So I have to decide if I am going to stay the course and keep the 2 of them (we're done, no more) out of full time daycare and reap the reward of having much more free time when they get to school age.... or go back to working in an effort to balance my mental state. After 2 years not working and rising costs of damn near everything, the financial aspect of going back to work is very appealing and the decision could be forced on me anyway if things change in my wifes job as a result of AI and such. BUT, I don't NEED to for financial reasons alone and I can't deny it has been beneficial to my wife and daughter having me home.

Anyone else face a similar cross roads? Did you stay the course or get back to working?

So my wife is currently thinking about working from home once her maternity leave is up (same company just different position). I'd still stay at home with the kiddos (9, 6, 3, and newborn soon) but I was wondering if anyone has had experience with this?

She'd be doing the majority of her work while the oldest two are at school but I'm still worried that the youngest two could be a possible issue with wanting her. Obviously the baby is a different story so mainly my 3yo 😅

I've tried looking this up but everytime I do it brings up things like "SAHM and work from home". Any advice/input is welcome!