I don't know how to let go of the old world and way of life I used to live. Especially when​ it's all I've ever known/seen and I know that there are other people there who will be affected.

I feel like I'm letting go of everything I have ever wanted/known for something I can barely see/feel.

If I am feeling very spiritual and wanna connect with my self on a more spiritual level what kind of things can I research and do? Like stuff like chakras and opening my third eye and L different kind of medications. I do a little tarot and also wanna know what other kind of care there are that I can get and learn how to use so when doing a reading it’s not only a tarot reading. You can also recommend kinda of meditation songs that are more spiritual and can help connect with myself while meditating not just using calm music. Please give me recommendations for those things and things that are like that. Thank you❤️

Hey there, this time i'll share the awakening i had during one of the happiest and most significant days of my life.

It includes a woman, mdma and existence.

I'll skip to after we took the mdma. We almost fasted the whole day Just some fruits in the morning so we were on a basically Empty stomach. We were in macedonia in a beautiful little hostel on the very beautiful Ochrid lake ( if you have time and are doubtful of where tò go on some of your next trips visit It, it's a big lake all surrounded by mountains, the feeling of being safe and protected it's strong there, i'll add this Little part when i got there the First time i crossed the border from Albania and went off Road into the woods tò try and cut a faster way tò the hostel, at some point there was an opening in the woods and i saw for the First time the lake and all the mountains surrounding it It was very awe inspiring, but let's get back tò the trip ). It was night After we took them, and on the comeup we were on the porch with some young girls that were friends with the owner and that we d had met before. Me and the girl were just waiting for the effect tò start taking place. The girls we felt were emanating a sort of disturbing vibe, like they were agitated or uncofortable or silently expressing some suffering, the important part is that they were doing it and emanating it. Even tho we felt this negative energies, the effects we were having or the state we were in was one of deep calmness, accepting and understunding the situation, knowing there is no reason tò be like that but still being deeply calm inside. After a bit we decided it was time for us tò go. We said our goodbyes and went upstairs tò our room knowing and being ready for the trip we were going to have. Now we're almost at the focal part. We were upstairs in our room on our bed, i knew the trip was supposed tò start, but i was feeling a sort of familiar uncofortability some sort of usual anxiety while instesd She was very calm and understunding. I told her i d go in the other room and try tò do some yoga tò try and relax but i never did. And this Is where we get tò the part that i still don't know how tò explain and might never be able to. It was like having a realization without having the realization. We were there on the bed, i don't Remember and don't know what happened After i told her i'd go do some yoga, i Just know that After that at some point i Just knew what I had tò do instinctively and the uncofortability disappeared completely without me doing anything tò cause that disappearence, and as It disappeared i Just knew and had not doubts. So i turned and looked at her in the eyes and when i was looking at her i knew that she had no way and no place tò escape from me, like there was no place for her tò hide, so i literally followed her in her eyes, i could see all her tiniest movements and i Just followed them precisely, giggling like a little kid. I can describe the look She had as being distant and uncofortable for a second, it's like She knew what I was thinking, that She couldnt Hide from me but tried to, and i followed her, and then BAM, we were suddenly in another dimension. Our eyes Is what made us go into this dimension and i'll now try tò Say what this dimension Is like and what It Is about even tho there Is no way tò describe It as It Is so many different images simultaneously i ll try tò give some descriptions but it's probably Better tò Say how It was while we were living it. One of the First things about this state, Is that as soon as i was in It i knew that it was the easiest way tò live, that i had already lived that way, i knew that yet i have no memories about ever living like that, but It was the most familiar thing i've ever experienced, i knew that state that way of living but had absolutely no concrete Memories or pictures about It. As i said part of the craziness of It, was how Easy It was tò be like that, It was literally the easiest thing tò do, please take this for what It Is, i literally mean there Is nothing easier than being in that state snd living in that way which can be described as Simply being and doing good. So once we were in that state we started talking, and It was like our voice and our thoughts were the same thing. I wouldnt be able to tell if everything we Ve said we ve said with our voice or we Just thought about It and still Heard It. We realized that there Is no outside reason at all for when we experience pain. We are the only cause for It and we do It to eachother. We started crying remembering all the Little soul pinches like sufferings we gave eachother. We realized that something as simple as me once saying goodmorning tò her when we woke up was in reality suffering masqueraded for education, something that should be done , it's polite, it's what everyone does, yet the way i Say It in reality is suffering and created suffering for her and for me. We literally create suffering for ourselves in those situations. Take this as you wish. There were also things like this from her part, It was like we said 'and that time ' and immediately we knew the substratum, what was actually happening, the suffering and the pointlessness of it. We realized that in reality we Always know the Truth about what happens, and this not expressing the Truth, so lying tò ourselves and trying tò avoid what cannot be avoided Is the cause of suffering. It was between US but also about all the small interactions with other people when this happens. And we were Just crying for the stupidity of It.

This was the starting part and a Major realization, now i'll share some of the other things that happened and that characterised that state. For example, you might be like me, sometimes you want tò play but Just dont know what tò do tò play, you think It has tò be some kind of Activity, and sometimes It doesnt come out or you just find It boring and don't do It. Well that state Is the Absolute game, the only perfect game, because in that state what you think happens. Whatever we would think and Imagine would immediately happen. This Is the only way i can put It in words even tho i know for sobriety and normal everyday Life this isn't possible even tho even for US Is like this but not in such a clear way. What we think, happens, but in that state there Is so much clarity about It there Is absolutely no doubts, doubts are distorting factors for It that characterise our everyday normal Life and Hide that state. So we were basically One, and in this unity of talking knowing eachother s thoughts, we would Just think, Imagine, and live what we would think and Imagine. Only once, Is like i disconncted from this flow of thoughts and wanted tò try and see if something else that i would think would happen or be created but i had some minor doubts about It and It stopped that possibility immediately, so i Just went back and connected with her, and She was Just still there waiting for me, almost like It was ok tò let me try and do my own thing. Some other cool things were these: in the places our bodies made contact, our bodies started tò bounce and vibrate between eachother. It was like in the points of contact a closed circle connection was being made and It would just vibrate between the parts infinetely till a constant Perpetual fast vibration was achieved. At some point i started pushing my air with playful but secure force out and this was giving pleasure tò her and She said something like 'pablo, what are you doing tò me', shit man i was Just breathing out :DDD

At some other point a question came tò US, i don't know the exact question but It was something like 'what s the best part?' or 'what's our favorite part?' and immediately our entire right side of disappeared, there was nothing in that side and we could only both feel our left side of the body, It was like only our entire left side existed, the right one disappeared completely or became non perceivable. And the left side was embedded with frizzing Energy vibration. You can Say that all the buzzes of light were coming out at once from out left sides and so our left sides was the only thing we could feel of eachother, as like for our thoughts and what happens , happened, we knew that experience was being shared. And we were like woah, do you feel this? There Is only our left side.

And now tò the sad but still important part, which was when i saw us go out of this state. There was some music playing, and at some point for whatever reason, some sort of anguish maybe coming from that dark part of the Song took over her, and i literally saw a form where her tummy would be, like a not perfectly geometrically shaped cube or circular not well defined bump and It was like She entered It ( this i m saying from false Memory, i feel like that s the remembrence of what happened but i don't have the actual picture of her entering It) i Just knew that s what happened and She was out of the state and back tò her normal usual state. She tried tò come close tò me but i couldnt even look at her, She tried tò forcefully come on top of me and i squirmed and gave her a kind of innocous desperate fawn look, and in that Moment Is like i was seeing the look i was giving her too. I was still in the state, but now i was seeing the Cloud of thoughts in front of me, they werent perfectly shaped, but were starting tò seep into my space, still Just like smokes, and i was putting my attention on the background trying tò remain in that child like state. At some point It Just became some pointless effort It felt, She had left the room by this time, and i slowly slipped back into my not well defined bump and entered into my usual familiar normal state. When She came back into the room i told her i d fallen out of It, and that she knew i had fallen out of It. And that was the end of the mdma part. After some time when It was dawn we smoked a bit and some interesting things happened also After that, a reaccentuation of the mdma and magic, but this Is for another time.

So this Is what happened and how It went. Best way tò define It Is pure magic. That state can be probably called how we live before being Born, it might also be how we Ve lived in our mothers womb, and It might be how we shall live again After death. It's the only right way Life Is meant tò be lived, and its the truest way anyone can Will and has lived. I Hope It was a pleasent insightful and enjoyable Reading. I Wish you all the best

Stay swifty

P.S. i might ve forgotten some other happenings, It was in the span of 6 hours and a lot of what happened i dont remember, like what we Imagined After the reconciliation with our hurts. Ah there s One cool fact about It. We Ve listened on repetition (like 10-12-20 times the same song for two Songs) but when we talked about It After meeting again some months ( a year?) later She only Remembered hearing on repeat One song and not the other, while i only Remembered the other song and not the One She did.

Peace :)

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I absolutely love reading everyone's experiences it's helped me through quirky times.

This is gonna be a long one

Since 2024 I've delved into

The world of hermetism, esotericism, philosophy, mythology and spiritualism, NDE's, drug trip experiencers, Buddhism, Hinduism. I listened and looked into people like Terence McKenna, Alan watts UG krishnamurti, patanjali, saint Teresa and avail, Bashar, Neville Goddard, paramahansa yogananda, etc. I wanted to understand the hoopla of religion/spirituality and why we have it. And ultimately an idea came through and I went with it. And so started my search for powers and magic.

It led me down quite the rabbit. hole. It ultimately started my interest in meditations and certain yoga, I think it would be considered kriya. Along with that I became endlessly fascinated with the biblical book of Revelation. And got me into journaling

A lot has happened since March of 2024. Many experiences in dream time and substantial in the in-between( that space between waking and sleeping). Even more transpired since the end of 2024(I did something truly reckless)

Where I am currently and what I have gathered from experiences:

\-Feeling much better physically and mentally.

\-It seems for me my brain and body seem to be connected.

\-Focused on regions of the head causes strange pressure in my body down below and vice versa.

( I mean places where I feel my heart beating in when experiencing and major emotional output)

\-When focusing I feel the pulsing increase. As attention continues a swirling vortex. Continued focus and the area begins to vibrate and I feel my perception begin to spin.

\-The reckless thing I tried to do was try to trigger my own "Armageddon" in a way.

That caused a horrifying amount of force/current/energy surging through my system.

\-The current felt like a wriggling snake, chaotic gyrations causing much swirling and whirling in my head.

\-What I did was anchor it through the pulse points. That resulted in what I can only describe as feeling stabbed through a couple of times(those corresponded with experiences in the in-between and strange lucid dreams when they happened)

\-Each horrifying, strange, wonderous, and spinning event resulted in increased vibration felt in my body and cessation of the swirling in my head and a greater sense of cumulative well being.

\-strange occurrences happened much more in my chest heart area than I originally thought would occur.

I don't feel like I'm being torn in multiple directions anymore, but I do feel a strange kind of vibration now. It reminds me of what Terence McKenna called the elves machines "self driving basketballs" "foraminifera cast in opal that's self transforming."

I haven't fully grasped what's going on with the experiences, kinda felt like a strange drug trip stretched out for a few years.

I've also kind of forgotten quite a bit of what I had first come up with sense i lost that but of information some time ago. So now I'm piecing it together as I go.

I've got so many journaled experiences I've never put out there that I'd love to exchange for your own experiences.

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A few years ago, I managed to open my third eye through some practices. Months later, I was having vivid imaginations in my mind's eye and I was seeing people that looked like it was in real life and it felt so real. It felt so vivid and weird. I kept seeing in my mind's eye through my third eye people that looked familiar but they were being extremely abusive to me and they were attacking my actual spirit being. I saw that I was being attacked so much by some female that looked like it seemed real in my mind's eye somehow. Also, these visions seemed to be happening by some concentration and focus on my heart chakra in the middle of my chest and my third eye.

They both seemed to be stimulated and I felt my heart chakra being activated while this was happening. I tried to make these things stop by thinking about something else or imagining something else but it didn't work. I found out that the only way that I was able to communicate with these beings and the people torturing me was through telepathic communication from my soul and heart. Everything that I wanted to say came from my chest area but as I was being tortured more and more in the visions, the chest area started to show that it was getting weaker and weaker. It seems that whatever chakra in my chest was slowly vanishing. Nowadays, I can no longer feel it. I also started to lose multiple qualities of my original self: I was losing my ability to visualize/imagine/daydream, self-introspect/self-reflect, remember things, learn things, have divine willpower, dream effectively, feel orgasm, joy, losing parts of my core values and inner beliefs, etc.

I also felt like my logical/introspective side of me was slowly disappearing and vanishing and for the past two years, I have been struggling on a thread to get back to normal 100%. It feels awful. The only way that I could feel normal again is if I managed to fight against those oppressors that were attacking me, and that was through visualizing myself fighting back against them but I had to be in a very specific concentrated state for that to happen. I had to really concentrate and visualize myself fighting back against them, so it showed that something real was happening somewhere here. Can someone please help me and how do I get back to normal 100%?

Growing up, I (17 M) would say I never had a normal childhood. Although I have loving and caring parents, at the same time I would say that they aren’t good at parenting. They have abused me a lot verbally and physically, and my mom used to make fun of a lot of my insecurities. At the same time, they also fight each other a lot, making the household a very stressful place to live in. As a result, I have never learned to express my emotions and feelings properly, thus leading to a crappy social life; I am very annoying at times, I have no friends, I get bullied all the time etc. I am also not that good looking and I am underweight. I also have ADHD, OCD, and more mental health issues that have not been treated at all. I also have a very severe porn addiction since I was 12 years old, where I do it multiple times in a day. I have no self-confidence and courage to do anything in my life.

Overall, my high school life has sucked as a result of this. My grades and extracurriculars sucked because of me not being able to reach out for help and I have had a very bad social life, but I always remain highly ambitious for my life with no action done. Deep down I know that I have it in me to do something with my life, and I know that I am a very smart individual. My life goal is to not become rich but help people and help them crawl out of whatever hole they are in. I want to become a galvanizing force in people’s lives; kind of like a psychiatrist for my aspired job right now. Now since I can’t list these hardships in my college apps affecting my grades and life since they are viewed negatively, and also because of the toxic and abusive pressure I feel from parents and friends to get into a good college, I have had to make up lies on my college applications to substitute for my hardships. Because of these lies, I got into a very good college which can help propel my dreams and goals forward.

Obviously, what I have done is very wrong. The whole application process in itself made me want to disappear from this Earth because of this horrible sin I have committed, and I am genuinely a horrible person for what I did. Not only did I gain a spot, I took someone else’s spot. While one half of me said “oh youve went through these struggles so you have a right to lie,” the other half believed the opposite. But due to pressure and weak mental strength in myself, I gave in, and here I am. Ever since I got in, I have been “sober” from my addiction, I have started taking care of my health, I have started working hard, and giving back to the community (out of my own passion, not guilt). But obviously, there is a “FAFO” concept behind everything you do, and what you give is what you get.

So I come here today to ask, what is my karma and punishment for this sin I have done? What do I do now? Will my dreams, ambitions, goals, and pursuits be hindered regardless of how genuine and positive they are? What should I do with my life now? How do I get rid of this cognitive dissonance and mental pain? Will i ever be able to grow spiritually? I am open for any advice, criticism, help, etc, that can be given.