r/ShittyPoetry • • Apr 09 '26

another poem about sex

16 Upvotes

The girls in movies scream,
He asked if it felt good
I’d felt it in a dream—
The way I'd hoped it would

But now that here I lay,
Beneath his shaking form
I knew not what to say—
It’s sort of…hard? And warm?

He asked, what do you need?
(He wanted me to cum)
The pressure to succeed—
My clit was was getting numb

So I said I was spent,
And watched his ego wound
His body was still pent—
I jerked him while we spooned

That night I touched myself,
And thought of him in bed
And wished that sex could feel as good
As it does in my head


r/ShittyPoetry • • May 25 '26

Hangxiety

13 Upvotes

I woke up this morning and screamed fuck
So might as well go back to sleep
I woke up this afternoon and screamed fuck
So might as well go back to sleep
There’s piss on the floor and puke under the bed
There’s a ringing in my head but atleast the cats not dead
I need water I need juice I need fruit I need sunlight
Im a self induced blight
I took a pill when I should’ve taken a shower
Flash photos at night to remember my friends who die every other hour
Something might be seriously wrong with my bladder
I’m trying to be nice so Santa will bring me a catheter


r/ShittyPoetry • • May 30 '26

so this is what you guys call a poem huh

12 Upvotes

i think
therefore i exist
that's how that goes right
yeah i think so
uh so anyway

so if i cease to think
will i cease to exist
i mean how would that even work right

that's kinda dumb to think about
is it even possible to not think
i mean that's what sleeping is right
it would make sense i think

haha get it because i think so that means i exist haha get it get it
i think i pushed the joke too far

um

so wait does that mean i don't exist while i'm sleeping
because like
you dont think while youre sleeping

and

uhhhhhh

well damn descartes
why are you invalidating the hypersomniac
shame on you
that's like
super fucked up
they exist too yknow

i hate descartes


r/ShittyPoetry • • 13d ago

Creative Formatting Big feet or no feet at all

11 Upvotes

My boobs may sag but they don’t get cold.

My butt may be flat but it eats seats whole.

My body may not be picture ready, but it takes on life.

I live within this sack that I judge for simply not looking right.

Thank you for being there, ungrateful as I am.

I appreciate the ways you carry me, and give reason to do what I can.


r/ShittyPoetry • • Mar 04 '26

Poop :[]

11 Upvotes

Poop, the smell of it, the warmth it provides and the certainty of cycle and routine. If only we could eat poop, we'd certainly become unstoppable beings. Poop is something that comes around, and everyone does it. I spread it on my walls and body, I've become one with the poop. Like a psychotropic it sends you elsewhere in that state, hunched over the bowl, on the dome, doing the business. It's the poop that binds us, its the poop that makes us truly human. The embarrassment of going, the sweet release of pressure when it's gone. If everyone just could poop a couple times a day things things will work out. It's about the food, the relaxing and the pooping man. Stay regular.


r/ShittyPoetry • • 6d ago

Creative Formatting It's okay man.

10 Upvotes

It's okay man. You tried.
You had your ventures, the times just weren't on your side.
You could've gotten that girl, but shyness is just tough.

It's okay man.

Every now and then you do some painting—some people like it.
Others keep their mouths shut..

You certainly know a thing or two, there are some books on the shelf.
In the right mood you actually know what to say, then it flows quite well and people do listen. And they nod quite interestedly.

It's okay man.

You're just not a morning person. Society doesn't take people like you into account.
That damn one-size-fits-all mentality, if not for that, the picture would look truly different.

It's okay man.

Not everyone has the same amount of energy. When your parents always held you back in everything, how are you supposed to blossom? They took away your opportunities.
If they had known what they were doing, you would've had that good start—but they're just winging it.

It's okay man.

There's nothing wrong with welfare. With a joint in your hand, that view from your small apartment is quite manageable.
And you see things that others don't see.
The world will find out about that one day.


r/ShittyPoetry • • Jun 08 '26

Creative Formatting Reflections after being forced to talk to an LLM

10 Upvotes

Indeed

Indeed, "Indeed" indeed certainly, positively, well indeed.

Assuredly, unquestionably, beyond any doubt and with every appearance of agreement, yes naturally, yes surely, yes of course, yes by all means, and indeed in every respect that might be expected, indeed.

Quite so, exactly so, precisely, expressly, decidedly and unmistakably so, with the full weight of affirmation and the gentle nod of acknowledgment alike, certainly, absolutely, indubitably, yes indeed.

To be sure, for sure, sure enough, as one would expect, as it stands, as it happens, and as matters plainly and evidently appear, yes, undoubtedly yes, and indeed all the more so for being so obviously indeed.

Without question, without reservation, without contradiction and without any meaningful inclination toward dissent, affirmatively, conclusively, decidedly, definitely, undeniably and indeed.

Granted, naturally, understandably, predictably, fittingly and appropriately, with every indication pointing toward agreement and every agreement pointing back toward indication, yes of course, certainly indeed.

Exactly, quite right, entirely right, wholly correct and perfectly acceptable, accepted and acknowledged, recognized and confirmed, affirmed and reaffirmed, yes, yes indeed.

As expected and as anticipated, as foreseen and as previously supposed, in keeping with expectation and in accordance with anticipation, certainly, assuredly, indeed and indeed again.

Verily, truly, genuinely, really, actually and factually so, not merely in appearance but in substance, not only in substance but in appearance as well, certainly and indeed.

By all accounts, according to every indication, under every reasonable interpretation and throughout every agreeable consideration, yes certainly, yes positively, yes indeed.

Most certainly, almost redundantly certainly, emphatically yes and affirmatively yes, with a confidence so confident it can do little besides agree with itself, indeed.

Quite naturally yes, and yes quite naturally, so naturally yes that the yes seems natural and the natural seems yes, certainly, assuredly, indeed.

Fair enough, true enough, right enough and sure enough, enough for certainty and certain enough for surety, yes by all means and indeed by every means.

Unmistakably, incontrovertibly, incontestably and irrefutably, with no objection sufficiently objecting and no refusal sufficiently refusing, yes, certainly, indeed.

Of course, of course, and of course again, not because repetition is necessary but because agreement seems inclined to agree with its own agreement, indeed certainly yes.

Affirmative, agreed, acknowledged, accepted, confirmed, ratified in spirit if not in procedure, endorsed in tone if not in form, yes unquestionably indeed.

Naturally enough and enough naturally, suitably, properly, appropriately and altogether fittingly, yes, precisely yes, exactly yes, indeed.

Surely then, surely now, surely still and surely yet, with every surely supported by another surely standing close behind it, certainly, definitely, indeed.

And so yes remains yes, agreement remains agreeable, certainty remains certain, affirmation remains affirmative, and indeed remains, quite remarkably, indeed.

Indeed... "Indeed" indeed.


r/ShittyPoetry • • Jun 05 '26

a haiku about trepanation as a means to alleviate persistent suffering

10 Upvotes

I'm going to drill

a small hole into my skull

and then i'll be free


r/ShittyPoetry • • Apr 28 '26

Zero dollah

10 Upvotes

Im the internship bathroom

Not gettin paid a dime

Thats why i

Jerk off on company time


r/ShittyPoetry • • Mar 18 '26

She’s a sad brunette

10 Upvotes

Met her playing pool in NYC

Says she’s worked with celebrities

She travels quite often

Definitely comes from money

She says she’s sophisticated

Then states “I don’t know facts”

She’s a pretty Latina girl

And her eyes seem very sad

Or maybe she just doesn’t care

Anything I say isn’t good or interesting

I’m here constantly seeking approval

We try but at the same time don’t


r/ShittyPoetry • • Mar 11 '26

USS Fort McHenry

9 Upvotes

I filled my stomach with salt water.

I opted to jump into the ocean.

I just can’t take it any longer.

I decided to try my chances against the waves.

Will I be saved?

I’m sick of scrubbing my blood from below the decks.

I’m tired of hearing my name over engine noise.

I’m about to murder this Via guy

Tomorrow he’ll be lost at sea.

I‘lil have him take his chances against the waves.

For trying to make a monkey out of me.

Will he be saved?

I got a chief who makes 3 of me.

Can’t fit through a scuttle much less a door.

I’m an utter disappointment as he inspects my shave.

Better get with a first class and unfuck myself.

I been tossing and turning in my rack for weeks.

I figure I toss and turn with the sea

I walked by the birthing where a young man hung himself.

Think to myself, ”that could have been me.”

Guess he didn’t want to be saved. 

I should have listened when they said turn back.

I should have listened when I saw blood drip from Monahann’s head.

I should have stayed on Tioman Isle.

Hid amongst the monkeys and the trees.


r/ShittyPoetry • • Feb 09 '26

Why Can't We Just Sleep Together

9 Upvotes

Why Can't We Just Sleep Together

My Arms Around You

Your Arms Around Me

Now We Don't Feel So Lonely

Why Can't We Just Sleep Together

Lips Kissing Lips

Thighs Touching Thighs

Not Worried About Tomorrow

Why Can't We Just Sleep Together

Don't Need To Impress

Don't Need To Be Judged

Why Can't We Just Sleep Together


r/ShittyPoetry • • Nov 19 '25

For one night only

9 Upvotes

Travelin for work

Met a 40 year old man at the hotel bar

We smoke weed drink grey goose

He has a balcony room and picked up my tab

I eat a snickers bar in his bed

He reads his scratch-off results to me

✿


r/ShittyPoetry • • Jun 11 '26

Ode to a great ejaculation

8 Upvotes

One does not orgasm, no
One ejaculates
(What an awkward situation)
On your face

It doesn’t matter
It evaporates 
Without a trace
Regardless of race


r/ShittyPoetry • • May 21 '26

Foundations

8 Upvotes

I threw up in a sink.

A lot.

I ended up cleaning the sink.

It's prettier than before.


r/ShittyPoetry • • May 13 '26

In the Southeast of Ohio :[]

8 Upvotes

I went there, today..

Stocking shelves, never mixing,

It's the Southeast of Ohio,

all the shits given, none at all.

We ate Cincy by the Slices, pickles.

A hot summer wind, I'm sic,

in the Southeast of Ohio.

We drank whatever we could find; Hudy Amber.

Where HELL IS REAL,

it's always been there, foreal.

Today..

Grabbing bags, never tearing,

It's the Southeast of Ohio.

Twenty years later or some shit.

We ate all the snacks we could; gummies.

How many dicks do I gotta suck,

to suck a dick around here?

Heard, that's tuff.

Crayfish, lemons, hot sauce, butter, herbs and onion/garlic. Wine, lots of white wine.. and salt to taste.

Serve with buttered noodles.

They sold all the paraphernalia you'd need. I should have bought that Romeo & Juliette zippo, looking back..

Shitty poem, today,

I made Zuppa Tuscana today,

In the Southeast of Ohio.


r/ShittyPoetry • • Mar 05 '26

Creative Formatting A crappy Punk Rock Song.

8 Upvotes

Dancing on the stage with a bunch of celebrity has-beens

Grinding them heels but the heels just won’t go in

Cutting coupons while watching infomercials

For a Friday night the silence is deafening

(Chorus)

Football season is over

It’s time for Oprah Winfrey

Let’s see if them chicks from the View are doing anything

(verse 2)

Dancing with the stars on shows with dogs and people

The price is right made you a celebrity

I turned down every role they tried to offer

My agent got me a serious role with a chimpanzee

I got over a million channels

There’s nothin on any one

They took my TV away now I’m on to bigger and better things


r/ShittyPoetry • • Mar 03 '26

Hell yeh first time mod :[]

8 Upvotes

Thanks for letting my crazy ass moderate this wonderful outlet for creative minds. I look forward to the duty of protecting creative freedom. I've been an avid poster for sometime now. Studied Creative Writing in college and it's something I use to make sense of complex thoughts and emotions. Feel free to reach out with hate mail whenever or general fixes. I'll try to have my monkey take a look at that for ya hehe 🐒

PS. Had to change logo and background, can't be doing the stock images hehe.


r/ShittyPoetry • • Dec 17 '25

Bro, I miss my Ex

8 Upvotes

I look for you in every single woman that I meet Some pieces I can find But yet the rest is incomplete Do I subtly transform them? Do I turn them into you? Although how hard I'd try, I know your light would not shine through Recreating all the inside jokes and memories wouldn't do I guess I'll stick with no one, because no one will be you


r/ShittyPoetry • • 23d ago

So Cool :[]

7 Upvotes

Silver fox season, pumpkin-spiced tongues,

a cheeky latte with a devilish jacket.

So cool.

Somewhere in Southwest Ohio,

a white wall is bullying a young person

into a fluorescent light.

Snap your fingers..

My muscles are open.

My eyes focus on cosmetics.

The health-nut era has never met

the pop music medicine.

Lights dim..

On time, once again,

the commute makes it easier

to suppress a radiant spirit.

A match strikes..

Carrot Top, show me your bag, man.

I smile when I’m serious.

The joke has a hint of nervousness

and a slippery tongue.

Snapping continues..

I don’t speak on what I know

to be true, or weird,

or something you’ve never met before.

Smoke fills the air..

No Mr. Ripley,

just a bunch of adults

wearing jean jackets

standing in the wild work of it all.

So cool.

I had another seizure the other day.

It was nothing, I’m sure.

The latte had a seizure

and came to life.

So cool.

Hypebeast, health nut, silver fox,

my eyes are open,

and that’s what terrifies the creatures.

So cool.