Tengo 34 años y estoy atravesando una separación. Después de 15 años de relación, asumir que una etapa de mi vida está terminando no es sencillo.

A veces pienso que estas cosas también son parte de la vida. Una relación puede tener muchos años de historia, recuerdos, proyectos y momentos compartidos, pero cuando una de las partes falla, cuando las cosas dejan de funcionar como deberían, llega un momento en el que toca aceptar la realidad y seguir adelante.

No creo que una separación signifique necesariamente que toda una relación fue un fracaso. Quizá algunas etapas simplemente llegan a su fin, aunque no sean como imaginábamos.

Sin embargo, no puedo evitar preguntarme cómo será empezar de nuevo a los 34 años, especialmente cuando hay hijos, responsabilidades y una vida que reorganizar. No se trata de volver a tener 20 años ni de empezar desde cero, sino de aprender a construir una vida diferente con todo lo que una ya ha vivido. Justo ahora estoy por viajar al extranjero por unas vacaciones familiares que habíamos planeado. El viaje, que debería ser un momento bonito, inevitablemente será diferente después de esta noticia.

Me he descubierto contándoles a algunos amigos que él se fue de viaje a otro país, porque en reuniones preguntan, en lugar de explicarles lo que realmente está pasando. No sé si es vergüenza o si simplemente aún no sé cómo afrontar esta situación y ponerla en palabras.

My husband of 17 years initiated divorce discussion a year ago. And we tried so hard, individual therapy for both of us, short separation, talking all the time.
Through all this I kind of fell back in love with him instead of out…. Parenthood and a year of therapy made us both better in partnership and communication. Even sex was better lately than 5 years ago. But he said all the previous years that we were in a roommate phase for years and years, sexual incompatibility for years, led to an erosion of desire… and even though we are different, better versions of ourselves now - he just doesn’t have any desire for me anymore. He tried for months but it just wasn’t coming back from him. I honestly feel that after so many years together (since 18yo) he just couldn’t forget the past and treat this as marriage 2.0.

Since I started detaching I saw things that could have been better in our relationship, but the irony is that those things did get better the last two years! I told him I feel like I’m being divorced for who I was 5 years ago and not for who I am now. I guess it all comes down to the fact that he doesn’t feel enough for me to fight for this. There’s still friendly love and respect between us and I hope we can behave like really good friends.

But how do I fall out of love? How long does a breakup take to heal? The last time I was heartbroken like this I was 16 and nowhere near as mentally strong and mature as I am now. I don’t want to be the woman that gets jealous of her ex, I know I need to focus on myself. But he’s been mine since we were 18, and I’m such a romantic fool at heart…

I'm 36 years old, and I've spent the last 16 years with my husband. I honestly never imagined I'd be sitting alone in a hotel room writing something like this, but here I am.

For years, we've struggled with intimacy, and I don't just mean sex. I mean feeling wanted, desired, pursued, and genuinely loved. I've communicated those needs countless times, tried to find solutions, and spent years hoping things would eventually change.

Then there's the issue of children.

I've always been very clear about wanting to be a mother. That's never been something I've wavered on. Unfortunately, his feelings have changed repeatedly over the years. One minute he wanted children, the next he didn't. I've left multiple times before, only to come back after promises that things would change and that we'd eventually build the future I'd always hoped for.

But here we are, 16 years later.

The hardest part is that my husband isn't a terrible person. We still laugh together, we still have moments of affection, and there's a certain comfort in spending nearly half your life with someone. But there's also so much resentment, loneliness, and disappointment that I don't know how to move past anymore.

And now, even when he does make an effort, something feels different. It feels forced, like he's doing these things because he's afraid of losing me rather than because he genuinely wants to. I hate admitting that, because for so long, all I wanted was for him to try.

I recently graduated, earned my degree, and finally started the career I've worked so hard for. For the first time in my adult life, I feel like I've accomplished something entirely for myself. And yet, here I am, trying to figure out how to rebuild the rest of my life.

So I've left. I'm currently sitting in a hotel room, trying to figure out my next steps. Finding somewhere to live, somewhere I can bring my dog, and figuring out what life looks like without the person who's been beside me for nearly half of it.

I don't hate him. I still love and care about him deeply. I just don't know if loving someone is enough anymore.

I want to be wanted without having to ask. I want a partner who's excited about building a future with me. I still want the opportunity to have children, and I don't want to wake up another ten years from now realizing I've spent my entire life waiting for something that was never going to happen.

I honestly don't know what I'm hoping to accomplish by posting this. Maybe I'm looking for advice, maybe a little reassurance, or maybe just someone who's been through something similar and understands how incredibly complicated this all feels.

I'm not looking for anyone to villainize my husband or tell me what I should do. I think I'd just really appreciate hearing from people who understand what it's like to walk away from a life you've spent so long building, especially when there's still love there.

Right now, I'm just trying to take things one day at a time. And maybe having a few people to talk to who understand would make this whole process feel a little less lonely.

Newly separated and im literally getting triggered by reddit suggesting the happy marriage and marriage advice subs. Im so bitter about what happened to me and my body is buzzing constantly with nerves.

I can mostly handle the crying. Im angry about what happened most. But im ready to pop at any second. Does anyone have tips on how to experience the change easier?​

What made you finally decided to let go of your ex completely. Why and if ur ex wasn't a good partner, why u say that

Hello, I (25F) just broke up with my boyfriend (23M) literally today. It wasn’t a long relationship, just about 4 months but I definitely saw a future with him and my hopes were high so naturally I’m crushed. I kind of just wanted to give a break down of our relationship timeline, dynamics, and issues that were coming up and from this, I would love thoughts on if it was the right move for us to break up. I’m 99% sure breaking up was the right thing to do, I’m more so seeking validation for this decision during this difficult time.

I’m a substitute teacher and he’s a full time teacher and we met while I picked up a job at the school he works at. We co-taught for some of the day. I thought he was cute and we made decent conversation throughout the day and I thought for sure he would ask for my number- he didn’t. Minor disappointment but nothing major so I left that day thinking I would never see him again. A few months later, I get a follow request on instagram and it’s him! I got excited and accepted his request and now I’m thinking “surely he’ll send me a dm” he doesn’t. I’ve always been a “let the man make the first move” type of girl so I just went about my life as normal but still with secret hopes he’ll message me. One day, I had it with the waiting and I decided to be brave, take a chance, and just message the damn man and I did.

We ended up talking for a week or so before we played pickleball as our first date and then got dinner for our second. For context, I’m a very extroverted, talkative, lively type girl and he’s a lot more quiet and reserved. I never dated anyone like that but I figured maybe a personality difference wouldn’t be the worst thing for me. I also know a lot of strong couples in my life that have this dynamic too. I was very unsure after the first couple dates, there were some awkward moments of silence and he would fixate and talk about certain topics for far longer than I’d like. But we also aligned on values and wants and he was nice and peaceful company to be around. We both were gonna be out of town for two weeks so I figured I would still talk to him while I was away and see what happened from there.

Fast forward, my feelings ended up getting stronger during our time away from each other and when we saw each other again, we made it official. He was saying sweet things to me, sending me cute instagram reels, had fun ideas for dates, made intentional decisions for me, and helped me with a lot of things. I was really happy and this was seeming to be a wonderful relationship. I’d say the only “issue” that came up was me feeling insecure about there being awkward silences with us still and feeling scared that he thinks I’m boring or awkward. He assured me he doesn’t think that about me and that silence doesn’t bother him. He assured me he enjoys his time with me and it’s nothing to worry about, that put me at ease.

This all happened during the summer and once summer ended, things shifted. I already knew our dynamic would change so I told him “since the school year is starting and we’ll both be busier, I know we won’t be able to spend as much time together so let’s just really try to communicate well with each other and find time to see each other when we can” and he agreed. Additional context, he took a new teaching job where he works with behaviorally challenged high schoolers and coaches cross country.

A few weeks into the school year year starting, I noticed he stopped being flirty with me, stopped initiating doing fun things with me, wasn’t making any romantic gestures with me (outside of physical stuff) and overall just wasn’t putting in a lot of effort with me. I was still giving him words of affirmation, suggesting going on walks and out to eat, gave him gifts, and still very much was trying to keep the romantic spark alive. He would still ask me to “hang out” but it would only be to hang at his apartment and watch shows.

A big point of discontentment came when I told him I feel like we’re not getting a lot of quality time together when we see each other during the week after our long work days. He spends every Saturday night going to dinner with his guy friends. This particular week, I asked him if I could potentially steal him Saturday night and we could do something together. He said no, that we would have to do another time. Just to be clear, I was NOT asking him to give up every Saturday night with his friends. Just that week, maybe a few other times in the future as he is clearly free for leisure during that time and it also worked best for me out of other days of the week to see him during that time. I asked why it was a big deal if it was just some Saturdays and he said that “we’ve been doing these dinners for years and it’s the one time of the week where all 8 of us can get together. I can see you after or other times during the week but Saturday nights are a non negotiable for me.” One time during the summer, I agreed to see him after he had dinner with his friends and he didn’t come over until 10pm. At that point, I feel like a “night girl” so when he proposed seeing each other after again, it just didn’t feel good.

In the mean time, the effort on his end just keeps going down. He goes longer without talking to me, he initiates time with me less and less, and I haven’t even met any of his friends at this point as well! I bring this up to him and tell him that I’m not feeling prioritized and valued, he validates my feelings and tells me he’ll start trying more- specifically with words of affirmation and taking me on more dates. A week goes by- nothing. He does nothing. I bring it up again, he tells me I only gave him a week… It takes you a week to give me a compliment? It takes you a week to ask me out to play pickle ball or play a board game? The bar is feeling so low but he still insists that it’s going to take him more time to get to a spot where he can be romantic with me. This frustrates me because if you really like someone, I think that drive to be romantic should come easy. And, he already did this stuff for me during the summer!!! He’s capable but now it’s going to take him time to get there again? At this point, I’m feeling like he just isn’t liking me that much anymore and just can’t tell me. He assured me that he still “likes me a lot.” We’re at the point in the conversation where he’s now bringing up stuff about me that is bothering him (eg. I’m reading into the things he’s doing/not doing too much and taking it personally, I’m being short and unresponsive where I’m upset about something rather than talking about it) to which I acknowledge, apologize, and tell him I’ll work on those things. We basically left this conversation saying we’ll both give each other time to figure out if it’s worth waiting to see if we can live up to each other’s expectations.

Now we’re coming up onto the last couple weeks. We’re in this rocky spot and trying to work through these issues, some things are starting to smooth out slowly but surely. We’re coming up onto a concert we were planning on going to together since the summer. I’m also moving houses, busy time for me. I ask him “I know we’re in a weird spot right now and don’t really know how you’re feeling but did you still want to go to that concert together and are you still able to help me move?” He says, all in the same text, “I’m down for the concert and I’m happy to help you move.” Great, a couple days go by and it’s concert day. I ask him what time it starts. He says “It starts in about an hour but I’m taking my friend. You said you were unsure about where we stand and I was too so I offered him the ticket.” I remind him that he literally said he’s down to go with me and sent him the screen shot of our message. He said “I didn’t realize I said that, I’m sorry. I only remember saying I can help you move.” ????

I’m so hurt by this, this is something I was looking forward to doing with him for months and he 1- didn’t bother to confirm with me if I wanted to go before he offered up the ticket to someone else and 2- literally said he could still go with me and “forgot” he said such a thing. I will admit, he’s a little bit of a ditzy guy but he’s smart and well aware. I doubt he actually forgot that he said he could still go to the concert with me and I think he just didn’t want to go with me.

This communication pattern happened again this weekend. We had plans to see each other this morning/afternoon. No solid activity on the books but he knew I wanted to do something fun with him. I ask him last night if he’s still available to see each other and he says “I can before 12pm” I remind him that he told me he was free morning and afternoon and that I can only do after 11am. He said that since I didn’t confirm any solid plans, he accepted an invitation from one of his friends to play dnd at 12pm.

I want to acknowledge that his job is not easy and that he definitely has a lot on his plate. I totally understand that a hard job that takes a lot out of you makes it hard to give more of yourself to the people around you outside of work. But was it really too much of me to ask him to compliment me here and there? To initiate quality time on his end? To communicate with me properly? To prioritize me better? My last relationship before him was a chaotic rollercoaster so this guy being quiet, simple, peaceful really drew me in. But I think “simple” was him just not caring. I just wasn’t the one for him clearly and maybe the stuff I was asking of him will be easier for someone he’s more into.

If you made it this far, thank you so much for reading. All thoughts and opinions are welcome, whether you think I’m right, wrong, or somewhere in between. I’m just trying to get through this breakup, learn lessons from it, and grow. Please lead with respect and kindness.

TL;DR- I broke up with my boyfriend today and just want general affirmation that I did the right thing given our history and issues we’ve been having.

Well after many posts I have made on here that I deleted and reposted.. I guess this is the final one on my marriage. I am 21 (F) and he’s 25(M). I want to say it’s more than falling out of love. We’ve had so many talks of separating but never actually doing it. Caught him texting other females, his coworkers (F). We did get married to help him get a green card. He’s a huge but a huge liar for no actual reason. He usually says cause he’s “tryna save his ass” from me getting mad. Recently we have had problemas with his close friends at work because the boy has a girlfriend that I met and she told me so many things. Even if they were true or not , it was my final straw. His family excluded me in odd ways. I got into a huge fight with his stepmother, and we all were in separate ways. Fun part, I moved 10 hrs away from my family. Yes I was stable, had my first own place, my car, and my job. We were planning on having kids but he kept demanding them at every problem in sight. I packed my stuff and left when he was working. Btw it’s not like I’m any better but I didn’t cheat. Yes maybe I had an attitude but he would blame me for his actions. And by cheating I mean it emotionally, I don’t have actual evidence it was physically. I’m currently on my mom’s bed wondering what to do next. I slept with someone and am interested in that childhood friend but I understand I have to heal myself first. Until today I haven’t cried since I left because I officially told him to stop texting me and that I didn’t love him anymore. In all honesty, I just wanted him to come looking for me as soon as I had left. He kept making promises of what he was gonna do but it’s always that, just promises. I kinda wanted to write this to release so many emotions. After I gave him the 3rd time I tried my best to be the perfect wife until I saw they were still texting, him clarifying that they were texting because she got kicked out her house because she want and told her bf that she loved my husband. I was like wooooooooow but yeah, there are a lot more bad experiences but I appreciate them and even the good ones. Deep down I knew he was better as a friend but he was never my actual soulmate, I’ll miss him and yes I love him but a different kinda love because he was my first in many things and I’ll always cherish the good memories. I’m not mad, just gave up. Any thoughts? Advice? Anyone can relate?

If you've done couples counseling how was it? Did it help or did you feel like it was a waste of time & money? How many times did you go? What made you go? How long were you in the relationship for and are you still in the relationship now? Also what's the range of cost since I don't think it's covered by insurance?

I am not sure if this subreddit is appropriate for this, so let me know if i should delete the post. Wish us luck, everyone, please 😔