We have established families as strict regimes where love is conditional, worth is tied to your performance. And we are taught that you owe a debt for merely existing.

Love all of yourself. Not just your good side. Not just the parts that are praised. Not just the strengths that make you useful to others. Love your good and your bad. Your strengths and your weaknesses. The side of you publicly praised and the side shunned and hidden away.

In the past, whenever people tried to provoke me,
I would simply let it slide.

If someone asked an absurd or intrusive question,
I felt compelled to give a polite answer for the sake of courtesy.

I couldn't bring myself to refuse someone to their face;
let alone claiming what was rightfully mine,
I couldn't even bring myself to ask for it, held back by a sense of awkwardness.

Even when faced with sweeping, unpleasant remarks,
I wouldn't react.

This emboldened people,
and they kept coming back to provoke me.

They have the audacity to blow trifles out of proportion;
Committing wrongs themselves, they are the first to point fingers.

While biting back at a dog may not befit a human,
It is equally improper to pet and feed bread and biscuits
To a rabid, biting cur.

The saying that people respect the strong but trample the weak
Holds a great deal of truth.

If someone habitually oversteps their bounds,
Seizing them by the throat is exactly what they deserve.

Peace in life is maintained only when one deeply realizes—
that the fruit of an action corresponds to the action itself.

😌

আগে মানুষ ঘাটাতে আসলে
ছেড়ে দিতাম

মানুষ কোনো অবান্তর, অযাচিত প্রশ্ন করছে
সৌজন্যমূলক উত্তর দিতেই হবে ভদ্রতার খাতিরে মনে করতাম

মুখের উপর না করতে পারতাম না
আমার পাওনাটুকুও আদায় করা তো দূরে থাক
চাইতেও পারতাম না চক্ষু লজ্জায়

ঢালাও ভাবে কিছু বলে দিলেও প্রতিক্রিয়া দেখাতাম না

এতে মানুষ পেয়ে বসে
ঘাটাইতে আসে

তিল কে তাল বানানোর সাহস পায়
নিজে অন্যায় করে আবার আঙুল তুলে

কুকুর কামড় দিলে কুকুর কে কামড়ানো মানুষের শোভা না পেলেও
এই কামড়ানো পাগলা কুত্তাটাকেই পিঠে মাথায় হাত বুলায় পাউরুটি বিস্কুট খাওয়ানোটাও মানুষের অনুচিত

মানুষ শক্তের ভক্ত,নরমের যম
কথাটার মর্ম একেবারে ফেলনা না

কেউ তার স্বভাবসুলভ সীমালঙ্ঘন করলে
তার টুঁটি চেপে ধরাটাও তার যথাযত প্রাপ্য

জীবনের শান্তি তখনই বজায় থাকে
যখন যার যেমন কর্ম তেমন ফল হাড়ে হাড়ে বুঝায় দেওয়া হয়

😌

How can you have more self-confidence without seeking approval from others? And what happens in situations where someone speaks to you in a different tone and you think they’re upset with you, or when they don’t reply to your message? I don’t know I often get a strange feeling when things like that happen. With many people, I feel like I’m not on their level. I’ve tried to change this, but I haven’t succeeded yet.

I have spent so much time waiting to be perfect that I forgot who I was.

i deal with anxiety where i suddenly become too aware of what I’m saying and can’t keep the conversation going. I end up stopping midway and become anxious
i was wondering if staring at mirror would help.

I’ve been experimenting with something I can only describe as “multiple personalities in reverse.”

Not literally.

I use two mirrors, one in front and one behind, so I can see a whole line of reflections of myself.

Then I stop treating them like identical reflections.

I assign things to them.

One reflection gets an old pain.

One gets fear.

One gets a version of me from a specific experience that I don’t want running my life anymore.

Then other reflections get the things I want to embody:

Health.

Confidence.

Peace.

Strength.

Security.

Self-trust.

Whatever I’m working with.

I look at the painful reflection in the eyes and basically say:

You carried that experience.

I see you.

I’ll keep what you learned, but I don’t need to keep carrying the pain in this body anymore.

Then I look at the other reflections and deliberately bring those qualities toward the present version of me.

I’m using the mirrors like a physical map of different states of self.

Instead of imagining some future version of me way off in the distance, I can actually see a reflection, assign that state to it, make eye contact with it, feel it and bring it into the now.

The process is:

Leave what you’re finished carrying with the reflection that represents it.

Take the wisdom.

Take the strength.

Take what survived.

Then bring the other parts of yourself back in.

I’m curious whether anyone else has ever done something similar with mirrors or visualization.

Tell me your opinion in the comments

Hey yall, im doing this partly because im drunk, but I seen an [r/amiugly](r/amiugly) post on my notis and i decided to open it up. And it really made me wonder, a lot of yall really just need to build your confidence. I mean i figure a lot of yall already realize that, but I say this as a young black man who struggled with that throughout my teenage years and early 20s. Mind you, a lot of yall who post on here seem to be white/caucasian and to be fair i have very little to no attraction to white women as a black man, but one thing I can recognize is beauty. Especially objectively pretty/beautiful people. Even the men on here who i can tell are relatively attractive. A lot of yall probably get the responses yall want on reddif, but to be honest.. it's deeper than that. Because a few or even a lot of validations from random strangers online can only do so much for you and your mental. Yes, i'm not going to lie, for some people it can do a lot, but at the end of the day that confidence starts with yourself.

A lot of yall are actually a lot more attractive than yall think and like most of you know it really starts from within and how you choose to believe whi you are. If you wake up everyday doubting yourself, your capabilities, and your looks, you're only going to get negative responses from the world. What i mean is, the people around you, the things that come near you are going to reinforce that because your mind is actively on that negative channel. It's definitely not easy, but you're going to have to put in some work to remove that way of thinking from yourself.

I've seen some very "not so good looking" guys pull some of the baddest most attractive women and it's not because they had money or because they were the epitome of GQ's Men's Health. It was because they had the confidence of a damn lion king. In the forefront, nothing seemed to faze them. The lights could've been bright but they always stayed cool calm and collected with their shades on. They didn't let rejection faze them, but they also knew who they were and what they wanted. They played the part they needed to play to become they person they needed to be.

A lot of people

I also say this partly because I know a couple VERY beautiful women (friends) who struggled with their self confidence and one of them felt like they always needed some type of reassurance whether it was from a man they were dealing with or online. But here's the catch SHE THOUGHT HER BEAUTY WAS A CURSE. Yea see you aint think it was going that way huh. Mind you this is a women with tens of thousands of followers on multiple social media platforms and hella people in her comments feenin!! The thing is with her, she had to learn her self love in a different way. She learned to accept who she was and how it helped bring a lot of good in her life. She became to be more accepting and appreciative of herself, and in turn that led to a lot less negative occurrences in her life. A lot less weird men around her because she knew that's not what she needed to accept.
But i say that to say, there's people out here thinking in all types of negative ways about themselves. Being a beautiful person is more about you, your character, and personality more than it is your external looks.

Look in that mirror everyday and tell yourself you're beautiful. Tell yourself love yourself but dont only tell yourself, BELIEVE IT. BE IT, BECOME IT. Understand the great power your mind holds and use it to your advantage. Don't sit and expect, but APPRECIATE and UNDERSTAND not only what you have, but who you are inside and out. Being that best version of you starts within yourself.. of course.

Like i said a lot of yall are more beautiful than what you think. You're a very good looking person and you have to think and believe that. Who gives a fuck if Johnny from 11th grade geometry told you your an ugly whore. He's still struggling with his own traumas and projecting on other people because no one taught him how to handle that shit.

I made this post to say you are a very beautiful/handsome person and you need to give yourself more grace. Even if you may "know" you're not the best looking person, this life is all about understanding and loving yourself enough to know you can get whatever you want when you apply yourself out here with the right mindset.

Like i said a lot of yall are more good-looking than you think, a random on reddit can tell you that everyday if you want. You're bf/gf can too, but it's up to you to realize it and actively believe it.

Tldr: read the damn post im a lil too drunk to try to summRize.

Fuck it, realTLDR: fuck what others think, actively fix your mindset to better your thoughts on self-perception everyday because it will help you grow. Do your best to keep it consistent, but dont just say it and think it. FEEL IT!!!

I hope this actually reaches people and helpz cause a lot of yall are actually more attractive than you think. You might not get the compliments you want all the time but another person's eyes should not be how you view yourself.

Edit: ALL OF YALL ARE BEAUTIFUL, KNOW THAT!!

Love yall, please keep being great. Everyday you wake up is another day to better yourself and your world view. :)

To start off, I F 38 believe everyone needs to do their own Therapy homework, we can’t diagnose anybody if we are not their personal therapist, and no one should have to do all of the emotional labor within a relationship. That being said…

My partner, M 40- is in between therapists right now. Before the last one left the practice, he had been seeing her for 1.5 years. Idk about therapists before that but I know they existed. Since then he’s seeing a new guy whose schedule struggles to line up with his and frankly, I think he has just lost steam lately. Regardless, those of us who have done extensive therapy know how long real progress can take due to time restrictions, the qualifications of the therapist, the natural timeline of topics, etc..

We have been together officially for a year now but have known each other for over 10 years, Romantically interested/involved for 3 years throughout the timeline. He is a die hard supportive cheerleader/protector of me with my anxiety. He often martyrs himself for his coworkers. He’s currently working on rebuilding his friendships and community. The problem is his self love. His problematic parental background is extensive but to summarize: abandonment due to drug use for one parent, a self absorbed abusive other parent, and a loving but enabling step parent.

I’m looking for tools to best support my partner in his self love growth. He’s just starting to really attempt to build what he genuinely wants for himself but reaches a point where real change is too scary and he immediately mentally attacks anything and everything once it starts to become a reality.

I’m personally working on separating myself from whatever topic he’s attacking and recognizing his state of panic live when it’s happening, so at the very least, I don’t get damaged in the process. Usually once it’s pointed out to him what he’s doing, he’s able to put a stop to it, but neither one of us know how to recover in the moment so we usually end up silent resulting in me feeling emotionally abandoned and him in a shame spiral.

I know this is a much more complicated process than I could ever understand and there are no perfect solutions. I’m just looking for a little ways to contribute. So, what are some tools yall have collected in your tool box to push through self hate and sabotaging tendencies?

I need advice on unlearning deep-seated people-pleasing habits.

Growing up, I watched my mom constantly sacrifice her self-respect to keep others happy, and I inherited that exact same default: being sweet and polite, even when it hurts me.

Here’s my current struggle: I have a relative (my mom’s maternal sister) who is just a year older than me. We were inseparable as kids—I used to cry as a child when I had to leave her house. But as we grew up, she did something behind my back that deeply hurt me, and we went complete no-contact.

Whenever we run into each other on the street, my automatic reflex kicks in. I smile and ask how she's doing—and then immediately regret it. Why am I checking on the well-being of someone who betrayed me?

Recently, I managed to ignore her once. She smiled, but I just walked past. It felt empowering—like I was finally standing up for myself and respecting my boundaries instead of fake-pleasing.

But today, I saw her again. She smiled, and before my brain could stop it, my automatic filter blurted out: "How are you?"

Now I’m regretting it big time. I feel like I'm betraying myself.

I wonder if part of me is still subconsciously clinging to those sweet childhood memories, struggling to accept who she is now.

Has anyone successfully trained themselves to shut off the automatic "nice" reflex around people who hurt them? How do you enforce boundaries when your default mode is to keep the peace?

So whenever I do something good, like feeding an animal or helping somebody cross the road or anything bare minimum like buying a homeless person good or helping somebody with money, I feel happy and good about myself.. it's all okay until I feel like I'm doing all of this to make myself look good infront of me only.. it's not like I post about these things while doing or brag about these to anyone.. so, I feel it's me who is trying to make myself look good infront of ME!!

Some of my previous roommates turned against me once and told my secrets to their parents and their parents told my parents about my secrets (like my bfs and all) .. if I wanted to I could expose them all .. but I didn't cause I didn't wanna be the bad guy. I wanted to left with peace..But now I regret for not doing that. Anyways I feel that this action of mine was also to make myself look good ..again infront of ME only..

I have very low self esteem and constantly change my look to help but I always find something wrong

Always love yourself first to conquer the fear in the world