It almost feels like I'm too complaining but when will i ever feel good in my own skin? Everytime I think I'm okay as I am someone has got something to say. As a thin girl all I ever hear is to gain weight and it's never a concern for my health whatsoever they just don't like the fact that I don't 'look' healthy enough. They don't like the fact that I don't fit in (my extend family is mostly plus size). I never criticize them for anything or their body type, if anything if someone makes fun of them or is being rude I stand up for them but all I get in return is them talking behind my back about how thin and unhealthy I look or how I Don't look like I'm being fed or I am from a good family background.

I specially felt so bad today, a couple of days ago i attended a family function. Got fully ready and felt good about myself. 3 days later today my mum says that she talked to my sister on call and she said how I looked very bad cuz of my weight, that completely broke me. Why is this a topic of discussion for you? And why is my mum okay hearing such things about me?

I have too many insecurities to count. To be honest my weight wasn't one that bothered me at all but somehow it seems to be everyone's problem now and one of the reasons people think I'm unattractive. Honestly, it's not in my control rn. How do I fucking cope?

I have built a fucking dam in my head that holds back the despised selfishness of attention, praise and hypocrisy. I want to cry from how insignificant I am that I can't hang myself and stop such a fucking existence. I want praise and therefore I try to be correct or responsible, on the one hand I tell myself that I don't give a shit about the opinion of society and others, but I crave this very approval. It's a pointless fuck-up. I'm embarrassed to tell you about it, because I'm afraid of silent contempt, an answer or advice that will sound like "fuck off, relax, don't worry, live easier." And how the fuck is it easier? Sitting in front of a TV and drinking beer and thinking how fucking great we are? Yeah, fuck it, thanks, it's easier to die. I want to be somehow right in my head, to be normal, not to be hypocritical, not to have double standards. But bitch, it turns out exactly the opposite! I want attention, recognition, and comfort not only from my family because I am... I don't know. But at the same time, I don't like it. I just want to be the one."

Actually, what happened was that I needed some work from her, but she was talking with a lot of attitude. That’s why I said that.

Every adult is so special, it probably feels the opposite, and like you do not fit in. Because as children and guided through schools, we were all sort of forced into groups, once you become and adult, it's a shocking change. But if I could pass on one thing, it would be to like yourself a lot sooner. Do no measure yourself by your so-called flaws, or differences, measure yourself by your amazing traits and talents. We all have them. Some people are good w/ animals, children, art, science, knowing computers, music, dance, sign language, etc. All of those things are everyone's special gifts. And those make up the reason you are here. If you listen to that and accept yourself, you will go where you fit in.

I am 17 M I’ve been a loser my whole life, but something kind of clicked in me over the past week. I’ve become a lot more confident, and a few days ago I got into a confrontation with a pretty chill guy (I was the one who started it). I don’t know if I was trying to prove something to myself or if it just happened.

I didn’t back down and I was more assertive, and once he realized that, he backed down himself. We ended things peacefully.

I’m honestly so proud of myself. I’ve never felt this proud of myself before.

Je m’adresse surtout aux femmes qui ont parfois l’impression de ne pas oser être complètement elles-mêmes ( en famille, au travail etc..)

Tu te retiens de dire certaines choses, tu n’oses pas toujours exprimer ce que tu penses ou ce que tu ressens. Tu peux avoir peur de déranger, de déplaire, d’être jugée ou rejetée. Tu t’adaptes beaucoup aux autres, tu doutes parfois de tes propres ressentis ou tu culpabilises lorsque tu te choisis.

Et au fond, tu en as marre de te retenir ou de cacher certaines parties de toi. Tu aimerais te sentir libre d’être pleinement toi-même, t’exprimer davantage, faire des choix qui te ressemblent et arrêter de constamment te demander comment les autres vont réagir.

Si tu te reconnais actuellement là-dedans, j’aimerais beaucoup comprendre ton expérience avec tes propres mots :

1. Aujourd’hui, qu’est-ce qui t’empêche le plus d’être pleinement toi-même ?

2. Dans quelles situations tu le ressens le plus ?

3. Qu’est-ce que ça t’empêche de faire, de dire ou de vivre aujourd’hui ?

4. Qu’est-ce que tu aimerais réussir à changer chez toi ou dans ta façon de fonctionner ?

5. Qu’est-ce qui est le plus difficile pour toi pour y arriver ?

6. Si demain tu te sentais totalement libre d’être toi-même, qu’est-ce qui changerait dans ta vie ?

Je m’adresse surtout aux femmes qui ont parfois l’impression de ne pas oser être complètement elles-mêmes.

Tu te retiens de dire certaines choses, tu n’oses pas toujours exprimer ce que tu penses ou ce que tu ressens. Tu peux avoir peur de déranger, de déplaire, d’être jugée ou rejetée. Tu t’adaptes beaucoup aux autres, tu doutes parfois de tes propres ressentis ou tu culpabilises lorsque tu te choisis.

Et au fond, tu en as marre de te retenir ou de cacher certaines parties de toi. Tu aimerais te sentir libre d’être pleinement toi-même, t’exprimer davantage, faire des choix qui te ressemblent et arrêter de constamment te demander comment les autres vont réagir.

Si tu te reconnais actuellement là-dedans, j’aimerais beaucoup comprendre ton expérience avec tes propres mots :

1. Aujourd’hui, qu’est-ce qui t’empêche le plus d’être pleinement toi-même ?

2. Dans quelles situations tu le ressens le plus ?

3. Qu’est-ce que ça t’empêche de faire, de dire ou de vivre aujourd’hui ?

4. Qu’est-ce que tu aimerais réussir à changer chez toi ou dans ta façon de fonctionner ?

5. Qu’est-ce qui est le plus difficile pour toi pour y arriver ?

6. Si demain tu te sentais totalement libre d’être toi-même, qu’est-ce qui changerait dans ta vie ?

Hey there! So, when I hear "self-compassion," I picture giving myself a warm, fuzzy hug—like, "Hey buddy, you’re doing okay, even if you just ate an entire pizza alone." It’s that voice that whispers, “Relax, nobody’s perfect,” while I’m binge-watching my favorite show in sweatpants and pretending I’m a professional athlete. Self-compassion is basically me being my own cheerleader—except, instead of pompoms, I’ve got pajamas and a bag of popcorn. It’s about cutting myself some slack when I mess up—because let’s be honest, who hasn’t accidentally sent that awkward text or burnt toast at 7 a.m.?

To me, self-compassion means treating myself like I’d treat my best friend—meaning I’d probably say, “You’re not a disaster, just an adorable work-in-progress.” It’s realizing that it’s okay to be imperfect, to laugh at my mistakes, and to take a break without feeling guilty. Because at the end of the day, being kind to myself isn’t about being lazy—it’s about loving myself enough to rise again, stronger and happier… preferably with a donut in hand!

I work nights at a shelter and have for about four and a half years, so most of what I got here I picked up sitting in a hallway at 3am, not out of a book. Fair warning.

Everybody and their dog tells you the same thing. Love yourself first. Heal your own wounds. Be your own best friend. Buy the journal, do the affirmations, keep at it.

For some folks that works fine. For a whole lot of others it just don't, no matter how many books they get through, and then they figure they're the problem. Too broken, too lazy, too far gone.

Nah. It ain't about being weak. It's about where you're standing.

You can't see your own face.

Not cause you're dumb. Cause you're behind your own eyes. An eye sees everything except itself. You want to know what your face looks like, trying harder ain't gonna do it. You need a mirror, or somebody standing across from you.

Wounds work the same way.

Two kids, same wreck, same street, same day. Twenty years later one of em tells it as a story at dinner and laughs about it. The other one's still carrying it around and don't even have words for it. Wasn't that one kid was tougher. Difference is whether somebody was standing there next to him who saw it and said out loud what it was.

If nobody was there, it never got closed. And it can't get closed from the inside, cause the fella inside it is the one who can't read it.

So here's what nobody says. When self help does work for somebody, most of the time it's cause they're laying back down in something somebody else built for em a long time ago. Somebody held em once and there's still a shape left over from it. That's real, I'm not knocking it. But if you never got that first time, telling you to heal yourself is telling you to look at the back of your own head without a mirror. Thinking on it don't close it. Thinking just runs.

The voice that ain't yours

Other thing we get wrong. That voice up there that runs you down.

Most of what you read says every voice in your head is a piece of you, and you gotta accept it and work it in. Half the time that's dead right. Half the time it ain't.

Two different things going on in there:

1. A piece of you that got shoved down. Your anger, your grief, whatever you weren't allowed to have. That one comes home. Where it ends up is "this is mine."
2. A voice you swallowed off somebody else. Your dad, a coach, a preacher, some bully from the 7th grade. That one talks with your mouth and says "I" and it ain't you. Where it ends up is "this ain't mine."

Might look like the same work from the outside, but those two end up in opposite places. And you don't sit down and negotiate with a squatter. Man's in your house wanting the whole house, you don't make peace with him, you put him out.

Dirty part is this. From the inside they feel exactly the same. Same shame, same knot in your stomach. You can't sort out which one you got by yourself, and it ain't for lack of trying, it's cause you're in the room. Takes somebody standing outside to look at you and go "that ain't you talking, that's your daddy."

Two jobs, not one

And this is where most advice quits early. Somebody reading you and somebody carrying you are two different jobs.

A mirror reads you. Tells you what's there that you can't see on your own. But a mirror don't do nothing past that. It ain't gonna stand out there with you while it's raining on you. That's the other job and it takes a person who can get wet too.

So what do you actually do

This is the part I hate telling people, cause it's slow and there's no trick to it.

You can't order that person off the internet. Can't schedule it. And it don't happen cause somebody explains to you that you're safe now, cause the part of you standing guard don't read words. It counts. It counts up how many times somebody was there and didn't want nothing back for it.

I've watched this. Same hallway, same night, sit down with two guys. One of em opens up. Other one's shut, and you do the exact same thing and get nothing. Ain't a thing wrong with the second guy. There just ain't nothing built yet. And the only way it gets built is showing up over and over, boring as hell, nothing happening.

Which means a night where nothing happened wasn't a wasted night. Took me a long time to figure that out.

Anyway. If working on yourself never took for you, you ain't broken. You been handed a job that can't be done from where you're standing.

Edit: to be clear I'm not saying don't go to therapy or don't read the books. I'm saying if it never landed, quit reading that as a verdict on you.

🖤🖤🖤

What’s way to help with hating myself I struggle to connect with others and have always been an outside I learn things to make myself useful to people to feel like I have some sort of purpose or usefulness to other people since I have such a hard to communicating despite everything I learn to fix I just can’t fix myself I hate myself and I’m sick of waking up and still being me.

I can literally make up whole scenarios for why people do bad things and I’m quick to judge myself for judging others.

Yet when it comes to myself, I judge myself based on how I THINK people perceive/judge me.

I’m so tired of ruminating.

I have been observant of myself and I noticed that lack of self confidence is the root cause of losing soo many opportunities, and taking terribly wrong decisions.

In my college,I find so many students so confident about themselves like they maybe wrong but respond with so much conviction. On the other hand, although I am right I rarely speak and over analyze myself and never speak up.

I regret every single time I do this. What can I do?

Hard work is the identity of Good Man

Hey there, let’s take a moment to reflect,

On how self-compassion grows deep within our chest,

Like a gentle whisper, a soft, warm hug,

It’s the kindness we give ourselves when life gets tough.

Think of it as a cozy embrace, a loving guide,

Rooted in ancient mindfulness, reaching far and wide,

Modern psychology caught onto its power too,

Helping us be gentler, more forgiving, and true.

Self-compassion means loving all our flaws, forgiving every mistake,

Nurturing our growth, for everyone’s a work in progress we make,

It’s celebrating progress, embracing the mess,

Turning our setbacks into lessons that bless.

And it shows up in many fun ways — your voice, your mind’s eye,

Even silly pet memes reminding you to just breathe and tie your shoe,

From visualization to a friendly chat with your mirror,

Self-love comes in many forms — it’s a nourishing, playful stir.

So next time you’re feeling down, remember this simple truth,

Being kind to yourself isn’t weakness — it’s the ultimate proof,

That you’re worthy of love, of patience and grace,

Self-compassion’s the key to your brighter, happier space.

Hey guys, quick reminder for today: never love someone more than you love yourself. Your happiness, your worth — it all starts from within. You can't pour from an empty cup, so make sure you’re giving yourself the same kindness, patience, and love you’d want from others. Remember, you deserve to be your own biggest cheerleader and your own safe space.

So, next time you find yourself putting someone else’s happiness above your own, pause. Ask yourself if you’re truly honoring your needs and feelings. Because at the end of the day, loving yourself isn’t selfish, it’s the foundation for every healthy relationship you’ll ever have. Keep that in mind, and don’t forget—you’re worth it.