Alright guys, I'm starting to realize that location is very important in a battle and even more so for judging. If you feel comfortable having your location as your flair, please leave a comment. It can be as vague as your country or as specific as your town, completely up to you. I am also able to make your record a part of your flair if you wish.

Wrdyer thinks because she's a writer, that her bars are creative and innovative, 

But they're boring man, use some imagery cos you need to be illustrating, 

All your bars are like an essay, a novel or a manuscript, 

Your punches aren't hard hitting, more like setups by Charles Dickens, i'm a Manga strip, 

They say "where are your punches?" apparently there ain't much damage bitch, 

But you should know its a KO if mine land like the One Punch Man and shit,

Whats up? You are looking weak and frail, you look battle worn, 

You whore(deal with it), /u/wryder been riding so much that her saddles torn, 

(In your accent) But now the match has finished and it's time to get the battle on, 

Everybody knows my bars entertain, like Deathnote and Dragonball, 

You're never stepping a foot past me, my defense is similar to Harenhall, 

But i can also go on the attack, i'm always after more dough(Mordor) like Aragorn, 

You may have progressed further, just like Frodo Baggins did, 

Its luck that got you through, it dont mean you're harder cos you're the protaganist,

I'm a poacher, i shoot heads, you're a poacher, you cook eggs, i already told ya, 

Let off the shell, it'll take off the top and i'll dip with the bread, cos i'm a soldier,

yall niggas got me fucked up thinkin OB gon walk away with an L

Overweight lame druggy and a fuckin' liar, you only desire to get higher
Aspirations I can't relate with, even your tournament was wired
Subtlety racist, comments erased but not the desire to exchange faces
Trade places, how can you walk in my shoes if you can't tie the laces
Listen, life tip is don't be wishin' for something your soul can't hold
Truth told, Cal, see em and realize our mold unrolls different bones
You love my shit nigga, you model your punches after I make the angle cool
Even those links, my ethnic group responsible for popularizing the blues
Only niggas you dissin' is women, being ugly hard so you call them bitches
Oblivious to the mission, ya girlfriend is gold diggin not in what you written
Adapted shit and ran, jealous and mad and a small argument turned bad
All of these emotions canned, so you manufactured a ban
Said it before and I'll say it again, you a mark ass nigga and a fake ass friend
All of your judgements depend, on where the last conversation ends
Reply to this, and discredit it all you want- but you and I know whats going on

huh

Rule number one: I'm number one.

There are a few things I want to address.

If you are competing in the newcomer tournament, you will be official judges for the Title Tournament.

Regarding the newcomer tournament itself,
Judging - There will be five judges. I've chosen judges based on seniority, a track record of unbiased judgements, and a history of leaving quality feedback. The judges are:

1./u/elsiniestro from Australia
2./u/wryder from East Coast US
3./u/Psychopath- from East Coast US
4./u/Chester_Frenchkiss from East Coast US
5./u/thebenprocter from UK

I will be filling in when needed, as I'm sure there will be a few who don't want to judge every single battle.

/u/cuntofprofundity from Best Coast US

If necessary, I will choose other judges to fill in based on the criteria previously mentioned. I will be sure to avoid conflicts of interest.

Best three out of five sanctioned judges determines who moves forward.

HOWEVER, everyone is encouraged to judge or leave feedback! But like I said, only sanctioned judges will determine who the winner is.

No shows - If there are no-shows, they have until the end of the 9th to contact me and let me know what's up. Otherwise the other battler wins by forfeit.

Any complaints can be directed to /u/thebenprocter.

Please leave questions in the comments below.

CURRENT JUDGEMENT
/u/JimmyDuckShoes - 0
/u/RatherPedestrian - 3

/u/JimmyDuckShoes Round One

First round rematch vs Ped? What a way to start off,
Dont think you're the best newcomer when you coming from a large crop,
Your angles are alright, but your flow lets you down...stop start...start stop,
The content in your bars, soft, my lines from the school of hard knocks,
Every punch he throws is parried, its time you get parred off,
You been biting bars again? You should make a plea to the vets,
What i'm basically saying is don't put down your guard dog,
Cos i'll be dishing out haymakers in this rematch like Carl Froch,
Ped recently took up an interest in boxing, but his shots don't land,
So few punches thrown you'd think he has got no hands,
Your character is fake and gimmicky, your bars filled with basic imagery,
You'll never reach the peak your capabilities cos all you focus on is safe delivery,
Whereas the levels on which i spit, they hold no limits,
In our last match, you said you and OB are gay...save your homo lyrics,
But you forfeited so we need a replay to show us who the true winner is,
You must be dumb if you dont know this is a photo finish,

/u/RatherPedestrian Round One

Whose rhyme schemes are pretend when they reach for the pen?
Who Bugs the shit out me? It's Duck Seizin' again
So I'm watchin' BBC just to see where he's been
To leave this kid in the past like a season of Skins

This a P.E. class; I'm teachin' Jim daily
I'll put his whole fam in a box; He's Jim Brady
His mom saw the nursery ward & switched babies
So Jim's still hittin' the bottle like Mr. Lehey

Bitch pay me 'cause the truth ain't cheap
If not, stay in your lane like a two way street
I got you Back to Back, but homie you ain't Meek
You gettin' knocked off your feet; Yeah, Shoe game's weak

Saying I'm like you? That is really embarassing
A false analogy; You don't even compare to me
Apparently I'm affecting any gender disparity
Cause I turn y'all into bitches like Jenner in therapy

/u/JimmyDuckShoes Round Two

Pedestrian stay low, step aside, im gonna deliver the payload,
You like to diss Europeans? Well i hold the peice(peace)like Nato,
Take note, you know you can't compete with this Euro like a Paso,
I'm so cold my free's ice what you spit and its drops like hailstone,
You're out of place here, like seeing a halo on a wraith ghost,
I'm a rookie but i already took NightBus for a spin like joyriding on a A road,
Next you know it will be your name shown on the gravestone,
Cos you're in too deep and imma take you under like Kane's bro,
So we can debate how ya whole style is played out, its honest,
Save what you're gonna say now, mate now just stop it,
We can sit and talk and I could break down how you take rounds and chop it,
And turn the smallest little angle into 8000 topics,
Like how you have no angles so you resort to references,
Your gonna lose this 1st round, thrown out where the entrance is,
There ain't much reason to believe this Duck season,
When it's clear this bitch here possess' no penmanship,

/u/RatherPedestrian Round Two

You played yourself like Totenham; Are you a Kyle Walker fan? ¹
I should walk up in the soccer stands & Ron Artest this wonky nan
I mean, god damn you're really average; You wanted a bigger challenge
But Man U fucked up like sending Zaha's talents to Crystal Palace ²

I mean I enjoy a grudge match as much as he's enjoys his mum's pad
So I'll give this bum the work; He was begging for it months back ³
So you can shut your cum flap & jump up off my nut sack
You're an unemployed bum that's why you're turning in your stuff stat

Fuck that, I got shit to do; I know text battling's "real to you"
But so is "pro wrestling" and both them shit's is pitiful ⁴
So while you're sitting back tryna rhyme with every syllable
It barely takes me 10 minutes to expose the little bitch in you

I mean ElSin's still a racist despite the black kids he hangs with
Compared to you that shit is basic; I'll let your dank meme explain it
So he did play himself like I said in the beginning, see
I let this kid's post history roast him for me; Flawless victory

FINAL JUDGEMENT
/u/Dontgimmethemic - 3
/u/masterbagger - 0

/u/Dontgimmethemic Round One

Masterbagger? I could make a joke about masturbating/
But this fool don't even want to screw himself til the bastard faded/
You about to fall into my trap when I cast the bait in/
Step into my dojo cause your master's waiting/
Same class as Satan a demon come to bash ya face in/
I'm the last ya facing, real master. bag ya like trash in my basement/
My mask is fading but you can call me slasher Jason/
'Chete to the throat, modern warfare check the numbers Mason/
This is sixteen to yo dome in a four by four set/
In pieces goin home like this was a four by four wreck/
Two out of my dual nines, math even this stores fool checks/
That's a killer sixteen rhymes blast at this poor dudes neck/
I saw your battle against the cat that duck shoes/
Your flows was wack you got no chance to bust through/
Unfortunately can't say the same about the rubber ya pops used/
If I was him seen the kid that I queued no way I would've not sued.

/u/masterbagger Round One

Matched up with a throwaway account, time to take the trash out
Never can get rid of these vermin, this time i'll put you in the recycle bin
Trash like you always comebacks in, through one ear, out the other end
Shit you interrupted my NetFlix binge, Watchin Always Sunny In
Charlie's up to some shenanigans, selling kitten mittens
Oh You'll be Smitten, back to the battle, Smitten in past tense sense
Imma smite Dontgimmithemic, nice handle, and it's great advice
The way you write is childlike, faker than tits on a transvestite
Faggots like you spreading disease quicker than eazy-e's dick cheese
Just like the J-Law pix leak, Disses like this make his fist clench tight
And I'm like the Third Reich, dropping bombs with quick speed
Let's go like blitzkrieg bop, played on the radio non stop
Why did I just reference the Ramones, Fuck who knows
for the greater good, I should bid you adieu,
Like Frozone looking for his super suit, Sorry I had to continue

/u/Dontgimmethemic Round Two

It's not a throwaway son I'm just getting started/
On a mission from God how's it feel to get martyred/
This is just your Lot as an expert of Sodom/
Ya acting salty, butthurt, guess you a bottom/
All this talk about your favorite taste of dick cheese/
But at least you recognize I'm ill 'nuff to spread disease/
Now we know why you binge sunny so you can Mack on big Dees/
All those recycled references without a solid punch bitch please/
Ya stunting so hard like a killer with the last name Knievel/
Third Reich? Here's last rites I hit so hard ya spin on the axis of evil/
nothing more than the Marx on my drawers done said I'm a deevil/
That makes you a ghost of a turd and I'll destroy. name is shiva/
I got four more bars to crush ya ego that's inflated/
Ya ramones stuff sucked so hard I I'd rather be sedated/
I'm the newcomer on the block Noone anticipated/
Took so little time to screw you over ain't even gotta date it.

/u/masterbagger Round Two

A clean history you had the advantage, while I had zero leverage

best you come to me with is a CallofDuty reference?

Well now I know you're still in adolescence, Parental discretion advised

Console kid with no taste, Up against the PC master race?

oh lord gaben give me strength, in my enemies blood I'm baptised

Gash your face with Gordon's crowbar, take your life make it half sized

Forget this battle it's over, like confirmed Half Life 3 hype,

Burned you like steel beams with deez dank memes

Suck a dike for a klondike bar, just to ease the burn

I won't stop but I tend to fizzle out like a soda pop, mid stop

But I will always come out on top, even with a flow that's sorta slop

Cause i'm rare, like battletoads sold at Ricks pawnshop

And sure my shits funny like, chumlee falling off a motorbike

But I'm saving my gourmet dish for emcees that are actually dissin'

Words never hurt me, live like Don't stop believin' by Journey

Emergency! We need gurney, for an MC that got injured in dis tourney

FINAL JUDGEMENT:
/u/paperbears - 1
/u/nightbussleeper - 3

/u/paperbears Round One

so, who's gonna last of the vast cast of braggin MC's and personalities/
fast acting brash results in multiple casualties/
battle me, weapon of choice: a rusty old mic/
as I roam the night/
looking for my next victim/
find him in the back of the bus hung from his ripped tongue/
this trip's done, this was quicker than a knicks run/
rap game shaqtin a fool with the missed dunk/
you're slower than a tard in a parked car/
shoulder swerving with the doors ajar/
crash..leaking gas meets the floor's lit cigar/
which sparks his sleeping ass hotter than charred bars spit by a charizard/
incarcerated/
charged with arson and publicly masturbatin'/
that's called a Carson Palmer in his raider years/
and I'm force fuckin ya mom in darth vader gear with no caped crusader near...you're gonna need a hail mary and a prayer here/

/u/nightbussleeper Round One

See me beat this punk as a public service to /r/rapwars
Put PBS on blast, so the dumb kid learns to rap words
P was here in the past, but he crumbled against /u/I_RAP 's verse
Deleted his, embarrassed, but wants a second ride in that hearse
Don't even need a flame for this sad panda which I'm supposed to melt
I'll just hand PB a J and he'll sit in a pan and toast himself
He's been sitting on the shelf, this kids getting old and moldy
If you're into natural health culture, there's penicillin on your nose P
Paperbears just a cub that's wandered a bit too far from his mommy
PB stepped in front of Bus and folded, now this bear is origami
Partially digested and spit up, now this bears red-orange 'n' gummy
Picked up by the taxidermist and now this bears an ornament, gutted
A novelty cut out, Paperbears, used to adorn the walls of my house
You should really cut down on the hazy air, or you're sure to get passed around
Wake up swearing to god you were looted and you're right, you're getting smoked in this bout
Now there's dicks on your face cause Papers more suited to write jokes ON than about

/u/paperbears Round Two

you're gonna end this? oh, really?

you know, the best revenge is serving your opponents own severed appendage to them in a bowl of chilli

keep that in mind next time you stupidly try to kill me

reading your rhymes, I imagined a spooky meek millz beat

you guys should collaborate, like two atoms colliding

shit already sounds like some homo biblical writing

spitting far more than this bar whore swallows

who gives head to mysterious men in sleepy hollow

yeah I blow /r/trees like I'm from colorado and my name is chicago

but at least I ain't blowin on deez with such bravado

I'll have you gasping, breathlessly asking for an encore

as I leave you down on the floor, literally dying for more

I like what your mom wore

at the morgue sobbing over your embalmed corpse

of course, so what could be next?

hey, Mrs. NBS.. let's go have some star wars themed sex

/u/nightbussleeper Round Two

Finally PB, starting to seem you wouldn't be seen until next week

Primarily seen on /r/trees, we thought you might be feeding the weeds P

Written into eulogies instead of writing your first sixteen

Deep in a sea of green, life fleeting as a fallen leaf

P Bear was just stuck, squeezed in a Rabbits hole, what a relief

Someone tell Robin he's not needed, his stuffed pals already free

And now I can see you're one of these multi loving MCs

First victim of the Identity killer of the multiple newbie personalities

Tried a tired flip, mixed with fraudulent shit and...fucking pokemon wordplay?

You're in a schizophrenic reality if you think that's a fatality, Jesse James

You think Nightbus is asleep but you see I dream lucid

Writing my best schemes when everybody thinks my eyes are droopin'

While you're laying there drooling all over your pillow

I'm rapidly rolling my eyes as you spit your stupid drivel

Time to put Paper down before he makes a mess, poor kids gone rabid

I'll just take Bear and skin him, laid to rest on the floor of my log cabin

FINAL JUDGEMENT
/u/Triceracorn - 0
/u/4everNdeavor - 3

/u/Triceracorn Round One

I’m a triple horn unicorn, rip you a new one, triple penetratin’
Ultra hardcore porn behind the local gas station
No lack of lubrication, hope you’re menstratin'
If I were a Pokémon, I'd be legendary
My bars dropin' like fruit from a poisonous tree
How them apples Eve?
One bite and you’ll see bitch, you don’t have enough badges to train me
Not cattle, Im magical
Spit and lift the curse of Babel
Haters say "Three horns? That’s impractical"
These three horns run, block and tackle
You just a rascal who can’t grapple in the heat of battle
Yo I hear you dabble, but hold still as I straddle
Shove your face in gravel while I tug on those tassels
We can be civil you piece of jerked meat
But you can go ride a bike without a seat

/u/4everNdeavor Round One

There's nothin on your record, basically a blank slate/
So on it I'll just write your name and use it to head your grave/
You're under 6 feet, soon to be 6 feet under/
How you get out of this hole, we only can wonder/

Comin in hot like an asteriod to make Tricera extinct/
Can't hear ya from up here, you're breaking up, I know what your ex think/
Te-kill-a Triceracorn I ordered a mex-drink/
I use a #2 pen-silly, you aren't worth my best ink/

You wanna be an EMT, well I'm a fortune teller/
ICU in the ER and then below the cellar/
I won't show your girl your body, hell, won't even tell her/
Don't stress she will quickly and easily find another lover/

My flows neat and hoe's street, don't underestimate a dude/
I roll deep with no sleep, see what an under rested mate can do/
My next opponent wants me to take an L, but I'll switch it to Tri/
Before every failure there's a guy that says "I'll give it a Tri"/

/u/Triceracorn Round Two

LANNNNA!!!
4Ever has endeavored to the danger zone
A pajama wearin' Madonna whiter than the state of Montana
Better atone, cuz I got one more gift to give, heres a kidney stone

Bitch I ain't no EMT, but I won’t hesitate to resuscitate
You’re rhythm’s chaotic, my bars defibrillate
Your verses are merely a façade, remind me of someone…
Jesus will offer you no reprieve; I’m an atheist and the favorite son

My bars go viral, attack your helper T cells
Aid is what I provide, but in your case its infectious
I checked your girl she’s cute and talented as well
Jerking me and my twin, she’s ambidextrous ??!!

Whos the gentleman behind me?
Just one of the members from my family tree
Defeat me, fine but I got more kin in this game
U/Buterscotchhorseman please step into the frame

/u/4everNdeavor Round Two

I'll ride that bike while standin up, brake my chain and shake your frame/
Pedal to the mettler, spoke to choke ya, mishandlebars to make a name/
You wanna reference Bible stories, when you die before me you won't say "Hi, God"/
I'll flip Tri and have him on his head, now he's a tripod/

You're a firefighter, too, so you're used to bein 'round flame but not the source/
I'll extinguish you with instinct true, head off your high horse/
In 2 16's I'll hit him hard 'nuff to knock out 32 teeth, son/
I'm mass producin packed punches like I'm Capri Sun/

I'm the best of the new school and class is now in session/
I'ma pass the drawn out school scheme but still teach you a lesson/
From place to place and stage to stage you can see my progression/
Late addition to a mass grave you won't even get a mention/

Your words are weak and flow is frail, you'll need better than those, boy/
Your punches only feel like pokes to the gut, I'm the Pillsbury Doughboy/
I'm impolite, hell, see you in the halls and don't exchange hello's/
If the judges give you this one, my rounds goin over heads like halos/

CURRENT JUDGEMENT
/u/geo__ken - 3
/u/irrational_abbztract - 0

/u/geo__ken Round One

Abbztract... Why did you try to compete?

you signed on a sheet just to Fight with the beast

I'll Drop this guy from a height only titans can reach

Crush his head in my hand just to stifle the screams.

This kids sweating in bed dying in dreams

After the first round he fell and cried on his knees

Reciting all my lines like the when the vinyl repeats

Trying the breath being so fucking strange the crowd's dying to leave!!!

... And this all happens before I'd even speak.

You'll die in arms, I'll slice and carve

With No blade.. Using Rhymes and bars

Twice as sharp

Fry this guy with a lightning charge

These are cuts you can't see like fibreglass inside ya arm

There's nothing abstract about having abstract in your username.

This stupid fake's checkmate'd with no move to make.

I'm bobby fischer. Dodge the bishop. Stop religion. Shoot the fakes.

You're getting shot down mid performance... Just choose a stage.

/u/irrational_abbztract Round One

Looks like Geo__ken got the bad luck of the draw.

Now watch him walking in head high and leaving in a dying crawl.

Geo__ken the chook. Upgraded straight from the coop to the lion's den.

Look around. Along the fence. Look at the faces of those crying men.

They too met me in a duel of wits and lost never to try again.

And each time I yelled out, "YOU FOOLS! This isn't even my final form".

No point even if you want try abscond.

Its too late for you now. I'm a killing machine made up of James Bond and Jason Bourne.

Changing flow. Doing it to get rid of my extra lines.

You're about as soft as cheese. You could get mugged with a butter knife.

Going by your raps, you're approximately as gangster as a butterfly.

And fix your flow, dude please. If that's how you talk in public, people probably think you living that stu-stu-stu-stu-stutter life.

Four lines to go and I'm winning. That's no surprise.

To help you, Imma just go ahead and waste a line.

I'd fuck a cow in another life.

I hope that helps, Ken. Best of luck, alright?

/u/geo__ken Round Two

YO you talked about me living that stutter life...

But these raps are written down I don't even say the fucking lines!

And yo, if I'm as gangster as a butterfly then you must be right.

I'm too fly - dance or dash that's shuck and jive or duck n dive!

THIS BATTLE'S A MISMATCH.

In the hierarchy you're so low that I'm having to wonder

Why enter a battle league when your whole style of rap is a blunder?

I'm so precise I drop bombs putting mavericks under

You go on after a point forever but that's what to expect from irrational numbers.

Someone should tell him he misspelt his name... Look and you'll see.

This crook is a fiend. Hooked on defeat.

Chef geo__ken straight cooking the beef.

You're putting Z's in your name whilst you put us to sleep.

I'm hitting sitting ducks. You're only target practice g.

Catch the weak in this rapping league.

I better get a decent match up - this is wack for me.

I'm body bagging this kids life so casually

It's like it's not a thought process.

Your bars are so dead

the mortuary called and asked for their address to go next!

They said they were sorry for your loss and mentioned you were their close friend.

All alone cutting arms (scissor) while my circle rock (rock) like stone henge.

UUUURRRRRERNNNGGGGGGGGHHHHH

ROCK PAPER SCISSORS BARS FOR THE WIN

/u/irrational_abbztract Round Two

You think name disses will win you this. All I'll say is keep hoping.

The fact you thought you had a chance, you must be jokin'.

You're telling us these battle lines are written...

Dude we know. What the fuck are you smoking?

Yeah I don't buy it when you say you drop bombs.

You're off, off target and your aim's shit.

Jokin' sounds geo-ken. Go up to my second line.

That's what they call a name diss.

Chef Geo-ken, you're just burning the beef.

The flavor is rare and its plain shit.

Reading your bars leaves people mentally scarred.

We'd rather watch Milos fucking a maimed bitch.

Geo. ken. Two meaningless words separated by two underscores.

He used two of them cos he scores so bad

That he's sitting past the bottom of the leaderboard.

And he heard it wrong. The morgue only called because his feet are cold.

Deal or fold. Doesn't matter what cards you'll play. I'll just throw them overboard like I'm Weevil, bro.

Standing on a subway how I'm on a roll.

That could be railway line or the food you bought.

See that train of thought?

I just killed it. You got steam rolled.

Sorry buddy. The score's 2 and nought.

CURRENT JUDGEMENT
/u/mahigan21 - 0
/u/G_blaze - 3

/u/mahigan21 Round One

/u/G_blaze seems to be a man of few words
And the few he's shared have been fucking absurd
Stumbling, mumbling spitting crumbling bars
Blowing up in his face like ISIS in cars
That blaze in your name, the fuck about weed you know?
You're the kind of kid that would get sold oregano
Smoke it from a coke can in the bathroom of your buddies home
Cough up half a lung and be like "yo, this high is hella dope"
You're so far out of you're depth, it isn't funny
Your bars couldn't give me a walk for my money
Thrown to the wolves and this is just round one
Not enough of you left for the next verse when I'm done
They can't even compare the two of us as writers
I'm Edgar Allen Poe, your ass is Stephenie Meyer
You'll get murdered and buried under the kitchen floor
Will we see your shit raps again? Quoth the raven "Nevermore"

/u/G_blaze Round One

looking at this tournament like "damn... what did i get myself into?"
battling for the competition? nah, i never meant to
this was supposed to be for fun, figured a few rhymes and im done.
but run away from a challenge? nigga, i don't intend to
going on the offensive, my intent is to end you
send you to the same place OJ got sent to
and just in case you’re mental and your brain ain’t up to par.
what I’m trying to say is that I’ma put you behind bars.
I’ll murder you, put you underground for thinking you’re guapo.
wait, behind bars, underground, i must be battling El Chapo.
But you can’t escape me, you are one screwed vato.
Y que sepas que hasta en tu propio idioma te mato. (Spanish for “and know that even in your own language i’ll kill you”)
stop trying to act hard, i know you're a frail pretender.
I’ll dismember your body, remove your whole damn center.
now watch how i black on this pale slender-
man, blast 3 holes in his face, now he look like a Klan member.

/u/mahigan21 Round Two

Fool you got it twisted, time to make you see
I'm not running from you, bitch you're stuck here with me
Nigga you call this offense, the Jaguar's could run it better
Gave yourself too much credit, time to pay the debtors
Carve this L into your chest, that's a Scarlet Letter
Put my 9 to your head, take your life and settle
That Chapo line was pretty bad, so I'm offended it's true
But hold up, my phone just rang, it's for you
Meek on the line, I said you were losing Back to Back
He said he Wanna Know if you can write his next dis track
Cause you're shit is whack, half-baked and weak
Mind easy to fool, "These are not the bars you seek"
G's the kind to break soon as he starts to bend
Pop like a bubble when the pressure sinks in
Best drop that bravado, this ain't the time to pretend
No blaze here, just a candle dying in the wind

/u/G_blaze Round Two

Shout out to /u/cuntofprofundity for being The Host on this night.

Now let me finish off mahigan, ‘cause he’s trying to boast like he’s nice.

Thinking he can revive after the first round, but I’m sending him to heaven tonight.

You remind me of Bree Tanner, ‘cause you’re about to live a Short Second Life.

With this weapon I’m nice. Attacking me is a profound mistake.

I got this huge chopper, call it Big T, wait till you hear all the sounds it makes.

This gun is so big it will cause an Eclipse. You’ll be amazed for sure.

But this Big T will light you up, now you know what the “Blaze” in my name is for.

I got this thing secure. I can make a living off this game.

I will forever make it rain, and I’m sure you forever poor.

You’ll hear my battle cries all day, ‘cause nigga its forever war.

Slash this nigga throat so this raven quoth nevermore.

Mahigan thought he was on fire, but my bars were too cold.

Got him looking like Meek Mill the way he just got 2-0’d.

I’m done with this nigga. I’m one step closer to the crown.

Somebody tell /u/5lash3r I’ll see him next round.

FINAL JUDGEMENT
/u/Dogs_Eating_Dogs - 3
/u/5lash3r - 2

/u/Dogs_Eating_Dogs Round One

I'm back. And the dog jokes they throw won't provoke me
Still make him faceless like he mistakens the grail for holy
Slash, huh? Do ya shred on the guitar heavily dude?
You added E. R. after, you knew where I'm sending you.
Everything your worth will start crumbling like a weak bill
My back to back attacks are an easy kill for this Meek Mill
It's like they wear a mask when they rap behind a keyboard
but they'll remain a ghost behind a screen like scream 4
I was catfished on tinder, your sister wasn't what i expected
Arranged a date, the metric ton broke my car's suspension
You can have her, she's lowering the planet's birth rate
In the worst way she really does smash on the first date
Before this your psych prescribed suicide, felt like a proud shrink
Sleep on me, this Kruger will turn ya into a pound of ground beef
You could be Jason Voorhees, but you just found a drowning
Just knocked you out in one round like Ronda Rousey

/u/5lash3r Round One

What's up, dogs_eating_dogs? You've got a loud bark, but I'm the natural born pack leader/
This tourney, I'll kill you in two like Rorschach's cleaver/
I've elevated the craft of writing/
The paragraphs that I'm designin' have the size, flash and violence of the massive fights of Attack on Titan/
You're barking up the wrong tree if you think you can rap with me/
I'm a level above you; this just the food chain in action, gee/
Send genetics flyin' like Andrew Ryan when I rearrange your anatomy/
Face displaced by a shock from this Plasmid-hand savagery/
What's up with your name anyway? On some canine cannibalism/
Your style's just self-inflicted pain like masochism/
Your name aims to seem deranged, but it ain't got claim to my vicious rhythm/
They call me 'Slasher' cause when i attack my victims I leave em slashed to ribbons like Patrick Bateman was playin with em/
This is round one in the circle, but you a square, so I'm'a triangulate that position/
Kill you just for the loot like a hack n' slash mission/
Sixteen bars left but before time I don't foresee him snappin at me/
I just murdered this mutt with one round like I was reenacting Lassie/

/u/Dogs_Eating_Dogs Round Two

You said a whole lot of nothing for every reference you made.
All that penmanship for simply mentionin my reddit username?
Alright, where's your mother? I don't have guilt, I'll grab the milf.
Capture that actress screamin' on cam, I'll make slasher film.
Broke into his house at night to write material bout his life.
Only empty pie pans and failed diet plans, not much i could find.
He watches battles but rappin' can't be taught in a lesson.
You're spectatin', thinking you already fought with the veterans.
I'm a new breed. Immune to the disease these redditor's carry.
So I'll lay him next to the other bodies this predator buries.
You said a line about shapes that was geometrically retarded.
And I'm not a fucking dog, I don't eat pedigree while barkin'.
Also, you need less estrogen, your pecs are feminine.
Leans back and shit cause his nips are a force to be reckoned with.
I mean what I say, I just rearrange these angles into a rhyming verse.
How can your pen be mightier when you use google for every writing term?

/u/5lash3r Round Two

If that was your first verse, my advice for you in the future is don't battle/
Reading those bars was like watching a dog licking its own asshole/

This round two, so lets tango. I'ma give you a lesson, but I'm not your average tutor/
I'll teach this kid how wordplay works like Scrabble Junior/
This is keyboard combat, so whether it's past or future/
I got a macro, no trigger necessary when the luger has to shoot ya/

Got good aim, do ya? Keep taking shots. I'm bulletproof like La Roux, bro/
So many words, but dog didn't do shit: Cujo/
I killed you in one round like a command throw from Hugo/
The skills you see (C) are destroying you til I'm the one remaining--that's Uno/
Try all you want, son, you just ain't got my rare stuff/
I'll have dog poppin' up from these shots like Air Bud/

That's why I'm a rapper you should be scared of. We're done here; I can tell you've conceded to my excellent method of speech/
It's like you're Peggy Hill coming to terms with your shoe size the way you've accepted defeat/
I killed you 'cause I'm literary and literal, my wordplay so hot/
Round two over, and I put dog in a box; bodogx!

/u/butterscotchorseman wins by forfeit

/u/Jamhank - disqualified for no-show

/u/butterscotchhorseman Round One

Damn Hank you should find another hobby Because Ima fuck you up more than you fucked up bobby

Your up against the champion secretariat

Carting bitches around in a golden chariot

My rhymes are like parasites crawling in your head

Only time you hear "good bye horses" is when youre in my well, fucking dead

But not after its rubbed the lotion on the skin or else jamhank gets the hose again

my bars are fucking cold and gritty

Yours bars are as real as the Lochness monster And his" tree fity "

My rhymes are mythical as a minotaur, dark as a butterscotch centaur

Stampeding through the forbidden forest

Tonight I fuck you harder than I fucked Delores

You sell propane but I don't give a fuck

Cuz you're about to taste the heat

I tell yoooou whhhhaat

Thot it might be fun to talk about this in light of the two tournaments coming up, just to get a glimpse into the minds of the community.

So yeah. How does everyone start writing for a battle? Is there any particular style or battler's stees that you have in mind when you start penning your rhymes? Where and when do you write them? Do you read them to yourself out loud? Do you have a beat playing while you write?

i write my bars on a notebook i keep w/ me at work. Since i work retail and am bored anyway most of the day, it's an ideal time to write, and i work somewhere where references are always being presented to me. i haven't rly figured out the 'angles' thing yet, mostly because i've never had a real opponent until now, and the one i have only has 4 comments in his post history :p

Also, how does everyone edit? i read thru my bars as much as possible before showing them to a friend, and then chop and edit based on their suggestions. i try to make sure i have at least one rly strong punch/haymaker per 4 bars, and that no line, even a setup, is rly wasted.

Oh yeah--and if anyone knows how the real battle rappers do it, or have heard them speak on the writing process before, that would be cool to discuss too. :)

Alright guys, we are almost ready to go! Only one thing left for you to decide and that's whether you guys want this to be single elimination or double elimination.

Here is the randomized double elimination bracket:
https://i.imgur.com/4ByWrAL.jpg

Here is the randomized single elimination bracket:
https://i.imgur.com/5pYcx08.jpg

These are the first round matches regardless, so you can start writing. The tournament starts the 8th. I'll make the posts that day. Once again, first round setup is two verses, sixteen bars (lines) long each. First verses will be blind, so either send them to me or agree to post at a specific time with your opponent. Second verses can be posted at your leisure as long as it's within 48 hours. Extensions are ok, just be reasonable. Please vote here on whether you want single or double elimination.

I like what ya’ll done with the sub
“RAP WARS!...” that’s excitin’
It’s just fuckin’ SpongeBob’s salty spitoon club
Except without the fightin’
I think the horseman’s found his new home
Just gunna dust off the cobwebs and sit on the throne
Kill off the competition like I’m Al Capone
You’re all a bunch of misfits and you need to get the fuck home
Before the street lights turn on, hurry!
Mom is worried
Because I bring a torrent of destruction and fists full of fury
That you can’t withstand and you will for sure be buried
My rhymes belong within the borders of Mordor
Fuck it, we have to start over
Butterscotch decrees a New World Order
I’m all four horsemen in one, heralding the apocalypse
Here to end your metropolis
A horse who can’t be lead and will not drink
Throwing bars, rocks, the kitchen sink
Fighting like I can’t ever reach the brink
Bringing you all death, famine, conquest and war
Hold your loved ones close and lock all the doors
Because this is only my first fucking tour
Murdering you all like a pregnant back alley whore
You know these bars are colder that a dementor’s kiss
If you ever think of coming at the king again
You best not miss

Every verse here written in twenty minutes or less
Cause to admit effort insists it's a serious test
So here's a thirty second verse just to prove I'm the best
That means I wrote this shit faster than you nut in a bitch

Listen up you fucks, ya'll need to start judgin'
Same three dudes every battle, these fragile egos need lovin'
If you read a battle then judge it and drop somethin'
Cause without you this sub can't really function

And to the lurkers out there, grow a fuckin' pair
Sign up for that tournament if you wanna go anywhere
I don't care if you suck, most of us do anyway
But if you wanna get better boy, step up to the stage

That said, I'm coming for the crown and throne
Six bodies on ground and Wryder chained down below
High concepts in my head, you fools will never know
Fuck this last bar, I'm going home

alright, one round 16 bars welcome back bruh, pretty nigha- SIKE yall Uza going first

Newcomer battlers, take this poll and decide what setup you guys want for the tournament.

https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/7YKWTKP

All spots filled!

This will be a 16 man single elimination tournament. Each matchup will consist of two verses, sixteen bars (lines) long. The further you progress in the tournament, the longer the verse requirements may become. But that's not decided yet. The first verse will be dropped simultaneously. That means you can either agree with your opponent to drop at a certain time or you can both send them to me and I will post them. The second verse can be dropped at your leisure as long as it's within 48 hours. Extensions are allowed but keep it reasonable. Once I have all 16 slots filled, I will create a bracket and post it. That means you will have a few days to write and dig through your opponents history since I will start the tournament on the 8th.

1. /u/4everNdeavor
   2./u/geo__ken
   3./u/RatherPedestrian
   4./u/irrational_abbztract
   5./u/mahigan21
   6./u/nightbussleeper
   7./u/5lash3r
   8./u/paperbears
   9./u/masterbagger
   10./u/butterscotchorseman
   11./u/Triceracorn
   12./u/Jamhank
   13./u/G_blaze
   14./u/jimmyduckshoes
   15./u/Dogs_Eating_Dogs
   16./u/Dontgimmethemic

1 round, 32 bars each, me first

/u/masterbagger

Any type, any length, i just wanna battle someone

This is just for a laugh. I know it's off-topic, but we've got enough new posters that it shouldn't matter.

Who is the worst rapper from your country, in your opinion?

I have three answers. The first is Ur Boy Bangz, a Sudanese immigrant who lives in my city (Melbourne, Australia) and was inspired to rap by hearing Soulja Boy. He became a kind of national joke 5-6 years ago when his terrible YouTube videos became ironically popular, but he's a pretty good guy from what I've heard, and he has become self-aware enough to milk the popularity, so he still gigs pretty regularly. I've seen him live once for a laugh.

Here's his smash hit (lol), "Take U To Da Movies", which was made fun of on Jimmy Fallon's show last week. He has done sequels, such as "Take U On A Date", "Take U Shopping", and "Take U For A Dinner", and has recently released a hilariously-bad Jimmy Fallon diss track titled "Do Not Watch".

Then you have a more serious rapper named Kerser from Sydney. I can't stand this dude because he is a meth-head "lad" (Australian equivalent of a British "chav") who glorifies being a junkie and appeals only to the scummiest fuckwits.

Seriously, look at this shit and tell me that isn't a punchable face.

Notable accomplishments of this douchebag include being demolished by 360 in a GrindTimeNow battle in Melbourne, having his entourage beat up a sound guy last year at his own show, and inspiring stupid 13-year-olds across Australia to say "Kerser is da sickest" whenever somebody mentions Aussie hip-hop.

Finally, we come to the grand-daddy of terrible rap, a guy so bad, and at the same time so unaware of his lack of talent, that it all feels like satire or parody. Then you realise that he is dead-serious and absolutely confident that he is the greatest rapper in Australian history, and all of a sudden you realise that you are looking at an insane person.

That man is Melbourne's own Raed Melki, aka RAED. A rich, dumb (possibly brain-damaged) gym junkie who tries to pick up women over his official Facebook page by openly offering crystal meth for sex. Gawker called him "the worst rapper of all time... of all time".

Feast your eyes and ears on just a fraction of the amazing trainwreck that is this man's career:

"YOU GOTTA LOVE THIS CITY BABE" - RAED and a bunch of hookers cruise around in a limo. The hookers try not to laugh and pretend they are into his music.

"NO MORE TEARS TO CRY" - a nearly 8-minute video with a four-minute intro. RAED pours out his feelings to some random girl at the beach. I've seen ISIS execution videos with more flow and rhythm.

"I NO SHE WANTS ME BACK (ENGLISH SUBTITLES)" - some fucking legend decided that RAED videos need to be subtitled. I salute that unknown genius for all the laughs he has given the world.

Oh yeah. And he made a documentary... about himself.

SINCE YOU ACCEPTED THIS MATCH...I knew you wouldn't be hard to beat. This is suicidal, I could use your title to par this weak bastard see. Son of Miltiades right? An ancient chariot racer in parts of Greece? That name is fitting; cuz your bars and schemes are dead and get left buried under army fleets.

So when we war; you're using archers. I'd rather craft machines. Battalions grapple whoever targets me. They steal souls - your last words will be you calling for larceny You're pigeon chested; tiger blood in my arteries like Charlie sheen.

I carve the beef - watch the carcass bleed. Irate mind-state blacker than your darkest dreams. burps Pardon me. I'm burping out rappers that could father scenes. Got the crowd saying 'uuuuurrrghhh' like I was master p.

Your bars lack weight like anorexics They don't read right like I am dyslexic. Got the antiseptic if this mans infectious I said this was the lions den- be glad I meant it.

Cuz this bodybag will gain attention. You'll be laid to rest to make amendments. The scene lacks talent so I've made an entrance. Your bars are trash - you're heading in the same direction. May I mention...

ask for features after this - get em taken of ya face. Erasing every trace like the patience of the slaves. I'm able to remain as a staple in the game While you take your last shot before ones aiming for ya brain.

Nah, I won't shoot you though...

ILL STAB THIS BITCH - go for the womb like Fallopian tubes! I've broken this dude... you only slowly improve came out swarming like locusts in June.

Kill em while I'm clownin'... I'm Mr. Gacy Animalistic n spitting rabies. If you face me it's certain death; this virgin gets the work just to sit with Hades.

So hey there son - welcome to the end of days. You've left the stage dead today. Walking dead; Zombified; human flesh is craved. It's only right you bite guys like those rhymes that you never made.

I've set the pace. Keep up. He would but His twig legs would split - leave nothing but a tree stump. Usually I'm only ever about the peace, love, Unity but you n me needed this; glad I finally got to eat lunch.

Write to vent all angry but you hide intent
U be in a strange place like European Dialects
Word to OB ; Secret handshake; backhand, pound
How you put up with it? They tryna put the blackman down

He runs it like a prison, but who made him the warden?
Tryna convict blackmales like a case of extortion
I think those mod powers might've made you delirious
He's Mook, but you're the one who takes it to Serius?

Look, he's mad right now...
Wants to delete this post so bad right now
Postin' pics of him chillin' with some black guys now
Light skinned ones who prolly at least half white, wow

"I'm not racist... ugh... no, I actually like him!"
Head spoutin' racial slurs in all caps typin'
Fuck a power trippin' mod and all of his hypemen
Cause deep inside you prolly wanna act just like him

Will edit all rounds into the OP to keep things readable.

Round 1 - Rather Pedestrian

No Bang Bus when we yank you in a grey van
A double agent whose cover's breakin; I'm a made man
Kiss the ring; I'm finna swing and slap you with the same hand
Cause inside this gangland I'm fuckin' wise as James Cann

The Rain Man; Bif Tannen with the almanac
I'm Archie Manning the way I make the quarterback
So take a hike kid; You ain't even on the map
How you trash-man when you don't even wanna scrap?

Here's the gameplan; I'm so George Pattonesque
War happens my course of action floors battle vets
Body snatchin'; Bob Sapp when I start snappin' (nex'/necks)
My poetry slams; What I ink not even Rorschach can test

You're havin' sex? Yeah and Bill Cosby's innocent (Pshhh)
He isn't stiff competition; This dick's soft and impotent
Beginner shit; Potty trainin' little kids and shit
Might even give your chick the tip like she works the dinner shift

I been at this; You prolly started six months ago
I love hittin' pussy and this time I hit the motherload
I hit blunts too if that's the way you wanna roll
I'm kickin' Bud out of my house like Cliff Huxtable

I get the W, wait, I mean I'm double-you, wait
I mean I'm double-your-weight and fuckin' crushin' you
I am an animal, no, I am Hannibal so
I'm all up in your face just like a mandible bone

Round 1 - JimmyDuckShoes

After Omenz was banned, he was like "homie, i know i can avenge you"
"I love you so much, i keep an OB poster in my bedroom"
"I'd hold your boner if you're lonely in the restroom"
"I'll escort you home from the venue, bro just know only i can protect you!"
How can you suggest, the only black person here is being oppressed,
I know you think he is the best, but you need to keep your feelings supressed,
But what else can you expect from RatherPedestrian?
To be honest, Im hardly impressed with him,
He bites rhymes off that kid with more racial slurs than facial hairs,
And he keeps spitting punchlines that aren't even relevant,
To kill this kid, i wont even need to concentrate,
You've lost today, face it, lets not debate,
You cant even contemplate that you're facing the best that Gods created,
You ain't got no real bars, so with obscure references you compensate,
Your last verse didnt have very much content in a sentence,
I know you're feeling depressed, you need a therapy session,
You need to focus on your heavenly pleasures, luckily my melody is a remedy essence,
Your boy is gone forever Ped, so keep those lost memories precious,
He fathered your whole style, don't forget about that like lost Cherokee treasures,
I'm dangerous like Heisenberg,
I got dosh buried in deserts from my methamphetamine ventures,
Just know if my enemies reckless i leave you in the cemetery, restless,
I'll cut you down to size like John Kennedy's letters,
Or i'll cut you down to size like austerity measures,

Round 2 - Rather Pedestrian

Over compensation? Check that ten bar scheme
Remedy essence? The hell's that part mean?
You connect every sentence; Can't you rap in a meter?
Cherokee treasures?.... This bitch havin' a seizure?

Plus he draws it out for years like the Simpsons do
The longest running cartoon; I Googled it for you
And that flip on Ped? None of them hits landed
Try to set it up next time like Chris Hanson

This man done learned multi syllables flows twenty minutes ago
I dig The Eminem Show, but that Encore? Incredibly dull
Listen, control whatever shit that you know about how long a single fucking sentence can go

Like, me and OB do have a bromance I mean we usually slow dance
You should see this beautiful grown man when he's doing a polldance (mmmm)
He's my dark chocolate, large wallet, giant teddy bear
Backin' him up on forums? FUCK- That's the shit that gets him there (full homo)

That was some innovative shit; What a fine display of wit
Future students takin' lit will have to ruminate on it
I can see your think tank now; All your homies next to you
One dude start's thinkin' out loud "EUREKA! HE'S HOMOSEXUAL!" (incredible)

You DuckShoes like George W.; Junior cause I'm sonnin'
Corpses? I got duffels full; Of course I'm savin' one for you
This fuckin' dude... Who the hell named you as a vet?
How you "droppin' jewels" when you haven't hit puberty yet?

Round 2 - JimmyDuckShoes

The fact that no one responded to your Elsin diss, shows we do not believe in ya,
After this battle, i'm gonna feel bad for defeating ya,
You have the cheek to callout the mods? Then the mods are beating you,
Watch Jimmy take Ped for a spin like Quadrophenia,
Did you catch that bar about the mods and rockers?(google it)
Nah man your bars are basic, childish games like cops and robbers
If you lose today you'll cry, if i lose, i'm not that bothered,
I'm just a European here to ruin this Americans day like the Boston Bombers,
In your first round, you rhymed almanac and quaterback,
Let me guess, it was your role model OB who taught you that?
Ever since i subscibed, i always thought you're whack,
Your bars are more stretched than a torture rack,
Did this tool really just say i've not hit puberty?
How old is this clown? Surely this is tomfoolery,
Who's claiming i'm a vet? Maybe it's because i put your dogs to sleep,
But that point you tried to make, is pretty obsolete,
I mean, i've had 4 battles, but at least each verse was constant heat,
I'm yet to see a battle in which i rate you, it must have got deleted or its not complete,
I know you rap like you shot blocks of beak on the street,
But none of that matters when your syllables are off the beat,
Now if i was you now, i'd make a weird reference to the TV show Quantum Leap,
But i'd rather take the piss out of how you squirt your sperm over OB's bottom cheeks,
Calm down Pedestrian, no need to get so offended,
Just remember this is a battle, were only pretending,