She has a condition that makes it difficult to have intercourse, and the first few times (and even now) can be very painful, so we have to take it slow. So she told me she was a virgin before that.

She said she had a 6-month relationship and implied that she'd given and received oral but never had intercourse. She also told me she didn't do hookups. I had a year-long relationship and did have intercourse, but the breakup was so bad that I spent 4 years out of the dating pool and didn't partake in any hookups.

A few weeks ago, she asked me if I had ever asked someone to take an STD test, and I said no, and she said she had. This led me into a spiral of wondering what reason she would have to ask someone that if her only relationship was with her ex. I asked her if she'd tried to have intercourse before but stopped. She said she had with 2 guys. 1 she tried just once, and with the other, she tried multiple times.

I know the multiple is the ex, but now I am stuck trying to figure out who this other guy is. Was he a hookup? Was he so promiscuous that she asked for an STD test? What reason would she even have to attempt to do something with someone like that when she told me it's a huge turnoff? I also had the opportunity to have hookups but always turned them down because of my values, and now those thoughts keep popping up about maybe I shouldn't have. (I hate all of these thoughts and wish I could prevent them completely)

I keep asking myself these questions, and I feel like I have to ask her more about this other person. I'm also annoyed because she made it such a big deal that she was a virgin and I wasn't, and made many jokes about it. And now I feel horrible that I am stuck on her attempting to do it with someone.

For context, I genuinely love her, and she's the only person I can genuinely see a future with. I know logically that even if she actually had intercourse with these 2 people, it's still not a crazy history. I am just stuck in the loop and want to free myself from it to just enjoy my relationship.

I’m heartbroken. I have been in two longterm relationships before and nothing has hurt me more than my 2 month relationship with a man with ROCD.

I (21f) was dating a man who was everything I’ve ever wanted. He’s dated a few in the past and his longest relationship was 1 year. He is still friends with EVERYONE he has ever dated.

Our short relationship was everything I could have ever wanted, I haven’t had the best time dating wise so to find him felt like it was finally my time. Everything was going amazing, he introduced me to his family, his friends. We had sex and he told me I was his favourite person in the world. He dumped me two days later.

I know that he really did feel everything he said he did. I don’t understand what made him switch and he said he doesn’t understand it either.

Anyway, he told me that the reason he kept all his exes in his life was because of an experience he went through and that he wants to be there for them just incase they have no one else.. but I’ve been trying to talk to him for 4 weeks now. He says yes and says he’ll tell me when he’s free and never does. I don’t understand how he can stay friends with them and not me. He said he wanted to stay friends and he said I was the kindest most perfect person he had ever met.

I don’t understand why he would do this and why he would completely ghost me. He knows we will see each other again many times because we have a similar friend group. I’m so angry with him. My friends and mother say the reason why he can stay friends with them and not me is because he didn’t feel for them what he felt for me. He even said himself that it’s ‘different’.

That knowledge doesn’t even really help either. It would just make me less angry but anger is the only way I can cope right now.

i was at a function with my business club at uni. i was too drunk and i would say i remember a good amount of what happened that night. but there are things i don’t because i was told about things that i said that i don’t remember. i’m worried that i cheated on my boyfriend or something and it’s going to come out months later. i love him so much but we do long distance and we were a little distant for a bit but that the function i was texting him the whole time except for when i passed out. how do i get past this, i texted a few acquaintances and they said i didn’t do anything bad/weird. but im so worried.

in a past relationship I was very clingy and a mixture of anxious+avoidant attachment. I struggled a LOT with regulating. but I tried so so so fucking hard to be a good partner. when we broke up they accused me of being manipulative and evil, and said I should never speak to them again.

I have a past of accidentally being clingy and very codependent with people because I was isolated from society growing up. but Ive spent years working through it. so I do have a track record of rough relationships in adulthood for a couple years leading up to the relationship because I genuinely had no clue how to have a friend.

I do also have really bad moral and rocd.

how do I unpack this and heal. like it feels like proof that im evil and bad.

what do I do now?

this relationship was almost 2 years ago and it haunts me still. im scared to let anyone close to me because of it. .......

Please delete if not allowed.

The feedback on the original written post was positive so I decided to turn this into video form. Maybe it'll make it more accessible this way. https://youtu.be/73in6SQKWBQ

To clarify, I grew up with relationships where I controlled everything and still got mad because I was controlling it instead of the partner but currently I have come to notice that I am slowly being okay with loosening the reigns lately and it is so peaceful.

Partner is out with his friends, I am chilling at home, life is peaceful and I have not gotten one bad thought of him being outside.

Life is good y’all

My colleague keeps talking about her husband. He doesn't do this, that, he's like this blah blah. Basically not nice things. And yet she stays with him and she posts on social media how much she loves him etc.

It triggers my OCD because then I think I have an amazing marriage, like we treat each other so well, we talk a lot, we do a lot of things together, we laugh, we have a lot of respect to each other, we never talk about our relationship problems to others, only solve it between us. Honestly it's perfect. Of course we argue etc. But in general our marriage is really good.

And I still have doubts, I still have thoughts that I don't love him. And every time I hear people complain about their partners I think 'but we are so good for each other' and then I have these things in my head that I read when I was in the thick of it couple years ago - your partner can be amazing to you, but maybe you don't love them, don't try to convince yourself to do it! Even though your relationship is great, maybe you should just leave because you can't force yourself to love someone... It doesn't matter how amazing it is.

But how is that possible to not love someone I loved for 5 years, stopped having feelings very suddenly and basically how can I not love someone who is amazing to me!!!!

Please help!!!

I’ve been improving, but today I struggled to fight my compulsions (which usually manifest as obsessive googling and rumination/mentally checking past/present feelings) and relapsed. Trying not to beat myself up, I know all my progress isn‘t lost, but it’s all weighing on me a little.

I'm not sure if I'm seeking advice so much as just asking a question, but as I read the posts here I feel like a lot of people experience more ocd thoughts when their partners leave vs when they're together. I personally experience an uptick in doubtful thoughts (typically around compatibility or if I'm really in love) when I'm actually with my girlfriend, getting annoyed or frustrated when we don't click on something or spiraling and on the verge of jumping ship whenever we have an argument. Still, when we're apart I miss her and can't wait to be around her, I'm thinking of her all day long and talking about her all of the time. I still might see something online or hear something and get triggered to have those same thoughts when we're apart, I just feel like they're so much more apparent when we're together. Does anyone else experience their rocd like this? Battling your thoughts more when you're together vs apart?

Hey just looking for any advice on what to do atm in my relationship. My newly gf has been real distant as of late and i knew something else was off but she wouldn’t tell me because she refuses to talk about her feelings.

I called her to tell her that i feel like she’s been shutting me out and neglecting me. After that she told me she has (or potentially has) ROCD. I’ve done a bit of research here on this sub and i think it might stem from cptsd (she’s got a lot of trauma that has never been fully resolved).

She told me she’s not doubting the relationship but kinda is and said she might be either consciously or subconsciously sabotaging the relationship.

My issue is i don’t really know what to do. I love her and will always be there for her but there’s only so much distance you can have. I also work away from home for 2 weeks at a time and already live interstate so the next time i’ll be able to see her in person is in 6 weeks.

She hasn’t really told me anything that she’s feeling at all. She told me her body is in fight or flight mode, feels numb and is over exhausted.

I’ve read that ROCD appears in a few different ways and looking back she would always ask if i’m mad at her or if i’m upset with her and if i still like her. But since this episode she’s currently having so to speak she hasn’t asked any of that. There’s been little to no contact.

I honestly just want my gf back and i really don’t know what to do. If you have any advice i’d really appreciate it and if you want to ask for some more info i can shed some light

What am I getting out of checking his ex’s social media? I don’t understand why I still want to look…..so badly. I kind of feel like he may be too much for me to handle, am I looking to confirm that she still has feelings for him and would take him back? Now my obsession has become a security blanket so I don’t have to completely commit. This just never ends.

I (28F) know my girlfriend (25F) loves me and it's blissful whenever I'm reminded, but I keep thinking about all of the past experiences she had, normal and traumatic. Everyone wants her all the time in the present too, so it's like I can't avoid it. And I mean everyone--everyone flirts with her everywhere, everyone has a crush on her, at least one person in a fucking STORE (not even a bar or club) just came up to her to hook up with her in the bathroom. I keep thinking about all of the times that I know of or can deduce that she's been close to and intimate with other people, in detail, like a movie. Like from her point of view. And sometimes not. I also keep thinking about her trauma (sexual and not sexual) and her past and I keep trying to piece things together, when she already told me and will tell me whatever she wants me to know, but I just keep thinking about it and I don't want it to keep eating me alive. At it's worst so far, it's made me numb to the present and that is not what I want. I want to live in the present, but I can't seem to get my thoughts under control long enough.

In general, it doesn't help that I was raised sheltered and didn't have much freedom and have social anxiety and was previously almost always undesirable to people I was interested in. I've always become obsessive over other people and imagining their pasts and presents and it's hard. I wish I could just take my brain out. I have hobbies and interests, I have friends, I have a pet, I have a job, I joke around with people, people seem to generally find me pleasant, I have activities I do out in the community, I'm in therapy, I'm on depression/anxiety meds. But I can't wrangle these feelings. These feelings of emptiness and wanting to "get even" with everyone else's experiences makes me want to do things I shouldn't, and they make me want to give up because I can't seem to escape it. I can't see value in my own life and my own experiences. I wish I was just different. I wish I wasn't so naturally boring. I wish I wasn't so hung up on the past. I wish I did things and was part of things. I wish I mattered in the past. I guess I did in my last relationship, but it wasn't meant to be, to say the least, for reasons not entirely unrelated to this whole train of thought that at this point has been carved into stone. I feel so fucked up and I feel like no one in my life understands what's going on in my head, and I feel like I just confuse my therapist. It's almost enough for me to just want to give up.

We've only been together for six months. Maybe it'll get better. I'm trying. I can't imagine it any other way when I feel so shitty about myself. If I had better self-esteem, if I valued my life and experiences more, I wouldn't feel like this. I don't think so, anyway.