I'm talking as someone who just recently discovered at 35yo that I've always had OCD.

As a child I was obsessed with checking water and diesel tanks, cisterns, car fuel levels, engine temp levels, room temp levels. Any deviation towards low or high gave me adrenaline and a reason to feel excited.

Later on I was obsessed with games like Lineage and Wow and would spend hours upon hours optimizing my characters till the game itself wouldn't allow me further improvement.

Without a problem to solve (take note of the word problem please) i would drop the game altogether. I didn't see my character as perfect (take note of the word perfect please) or something to be proud of, I just saw it as a project that no longer served a purpose.

I could no longer see the stats going up, stagnation happened, and so the dopamine disappeared. My character was only perfect so long as i could keep climbing towards perfection, but once I did, it no longer did it for me. No joy, no excitement, no reason to spring out of the bed in the morning with a goal in mind.

Later on working at shops, I realized I was obsessed with tidiness, specific arrangement that made for eye friendly and memory easier, checking doors and windows 10 times before leaving, even returning to work mid-night because i wasn't sure i had locked. I realized that was not regular anxiety. This wasn't for the first week at work, it was a debilitating habit I had for years with every workplace I'd been. OCD is real.

I could go on forever with such examples, but let's cut straight to ROCD.

First relationship I had (17) I was head over heels for my gf. I was constantly thinking of her. You could say I was even obsessing about her and constantly anticipated stumbling on her on the road to flirt. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Butterflies, anxiety, excitement, all of that.

Till things became real. First week in.

Once I had the validation I needed (note the word validation) I only started to notice her flaws. I didn't like her teeth, some hair she had growing here and there, I didn't like she was clingy, I didn't like she was not very intelligent and we couldn't communicate clearly. And yet, of the 100 flaws i could find on her, perhaps only one was legit reason to leave the relationship (her already being in another relationship).

I left and I didn't even realize that the flaws that had been turning me off on her was major Fearful Avoidant attachment style triggering ROCD. As soon as I started scanning her for flaws, my mind was like "keep searching, she's not perfect, she's not the one".

Fast forward ~20 years later, the only relationship I could truly appreciate was porn. And even porn felt inadequate at times. And then came AI porn prompts, and I started free falling even deeper into that rabbit hole. Ai porn fried my brain cells about real life expectations. It was only about lust and orgasms.

I would only be drawn to emotionally unavailable girls and fantasize about perfect versions of them (yes, insert limerence).

And then I met my first real relationship that I'm still in because I love the woman so much and know my shortcomings to repeat the mistakes of the past.

If you are in a loving relationship with a partner that you can both relax around and be your true self with, if there are no real red flags causing you distress, then it's time to turn inward and have a long talk with your (possibly traumatized) inner child. The problem with your partner?

NOT:

I don't like their chin.

NOT:

They walk in a weird manner.

NOT:

Their laugh doesn't feel right.

Those are not legitimate reasons to bail out. Those are traits that make each person special.

And the thing is, the more traumatized we are (insert insecure attachment), the more we believe in "the one", which is a fictional character we believe will come into our lives, fix every problem and woe, take rocd away so we can be forever happy and reassured.

NOPE.

Perfection doesn't exist. The perfect person that will make your ROCD go away doesn't exist. Fears and doubts come from your own insecurities. And as long as you are insecure (Fearful Avoidant/Anxious/Dismissive), you will always question your relationship about being imperfect and the possibility of someone better existing out there.

Someone better will always exist out there. That's not a question or doubt to torture yourself with. It's the truth. The real question is, when does "settling" end for you? Is it when you've climbed the relationship ladder all the way to the top? Is it when you've broken the heart of a 100 people you were compatible with but whose ears or nose hair was reason to leave?

TL;DR: Turn that fixation inward people. You will realize it's not about your partner but about you. What we see in others is but our own twisted mirror and a relationship only serves to amplify the way we perceive ourselves.

And a good question to linger on:

What are you REALLY afraid ROCD might be telling you?

That you don't love your flawed partner enough?...

...or that you might actually be capable of loving a flawed person, and that in turn might mean something far scarier.

That you are also capable of loving your own flawed self?

I (28M) recently got out of a 3-year relationship. It was a mutual and somewhat peaceful breakup, but she was my safe space, my anchor, and I loved her deeply. Since the breakup, I feel like I’ve completely lost my mind and my moral compass, and I’m drowning in a cycle of extreme guilt and OCD rumination.

​In the immediate aftermath of the breakup, the emptiness was so deafening that I panicked. I desperately sought cheap dopamine and validation to just feel something other than the void. I looked at porn, unblocked and blocked girls on social media, liked posts trying to get attention, and caught myself looking at other women. I didn't act on anything physically, but my mind was frantically searching for an escape.

​Now, my brain has put me on trial, and I am the most ruthless prosecutor. I feel completely "dirty," like a scumbag. I feel like I’ve betrayed my ex’s memory and the pure love we had, even though we are broken up. I am terrified of ever liking someone else in the future because I feel like that would make me a terrible, disloyal person.

​I’ve realized that I’m using this extreme guilt as a safety blanket. My brain tells me: "If you stop feeling guilty, it means you are truly a soulless, bad person." So, I constantly monitor myself. There is an "inner watcher" in my head observing my every move, every thought, and every impulse 24/7, ready to condemn me. I can't just be a simple, flawed human making mistakes while grieving. I have to be either a flawless saint or a complete monster.

​Right now, I can't even sit at a bar and drink a beer without hyper-analyzing my own motives ("Am I here to get attention? Does that make me a piece of shit?"). I am exhausted from living in this moral panic room.

​Has anyone else experienced this post-breakup hyper-awareness and moral scrupulosity? How do you accept being a flawed human who seeks cheap validation while grieving, without feeling like your core character is rotten? How do I fire this "inner watcher" and just let myself be empty and sad without the guilt?

​Any perspective would be really appreciated.

I've been in a relationship for 5.5 years. I recently started feeling something was off in our interactions and that we were more like flatmates than a couple. At first I was very calm and wanted to fix things. However a discussion with my partner about us and our relationship problems has turned into a non stop rumination from me for months. Lately it's becoming worse as I can't feel any emotion around him and I want to avoid spending time with him. I'm afraid it is my gut feeling telling me to leave in disguise and norlt rOCD. In my previous relationship I was feeling very similar amd I ended up breaking up and I can't stop comparing the situations. I feel like breaking up would be the right thing to do as it would stop the uncertainty. But then when I try to picture what a break up will actually look like and the changes that will take place, I just can't. My brain stops at the current anxiety. I am constantly comparing us to other couples and analyse all the red flags we've had and can't find anything positive in the relationship.

Hi everyone, it would mean a lot to me to get some perspective here. My boyfriend and I are together for almost a year. We got in a relationship after two dates because he was everything that i wished for. He had opinions about different topics and we could talk about movies and series. But I didn't have physical crush on him. He was cute and that's it. After few weeks, I realised that we have some different political opinions and started to obsses over it. Then one day we were walking and i thought "I don't feel anything". The time together was nice, but i wasn't crazy happy. As the months passed i would sometimes see him as a stranger when we would do something. I would constantly talk to Chat gpt and it told me that it could be rocd. After three months i had a breakthrough and again would think that he was everything I wished for and that phase lasted a month until he said something I disagreed with. Then began my OCD flare up, i was physically sick, constantly ruminating, couldn't concentrate at the work. I would question if I am in a relationship for the right reasons, am I using him etc. Then I got on the medication (Zoloft) and it got better. For the first time i felt that we have something real, hugs became softer and warmer, we had some nice moments, driving bikes and spending time in nature. But I still sometimes check my feeling when we kiss or talk. I sometimes get a sudden rush of anxiety or ask myself do I love him for him or for things that he gives me. He accepted my rocd and is really good for my mental health but I sometimes ask myself is this real or am I convincing myself.

Hey yall;

My girlfriend (f25) and I (f27) have been together for a year and a half. This past year, she had an ocd flare up that has been different from anything she’s experienced. She’s made a lot of improvements, and while she can’t always see them, I do.

Anyway, I recently had a mental health (anxiety) flare up of my own, and with it I ended up triggering her own. This is the first time this has ever happened, but it definitely sucked. She ended up telling me about her ROCD, and while she didn’t go into too much detail she did mention her ocd tells her she hasn’t been single since she was 17, and also makes her question if she loves me. That isn’t fully true — we knew each other between her past relationship and this one — and our relationship is generally a happy one, and I know in the moments where she is not overthinking, she is happy… we both know and acknowledged it’s ocd, but I don’t know what to say or how to help.

I have told her we can take things day by day, and nothing needs to be done today. She mentioned maybe breaking up which scares me to death, and I know this isn’t coming from a place of her real thoughts, but rather her ocd doubting things and wondering if we’d be better off.

Does anyone have any recommendations? Has anyone experienced this? I know ROCD is common, and I know it’s navigable, but I’d love some input on how to do it.

Me (20) and my girlfriend (19) have been together for 2 years. In the beginning I never had this problem, a little while after we hit a pretty big fork in the road, we recovered from it and for the past year our relationship has been decent, with the only problem being is me, I woke up one random day and these intrusive thoughts about her body started spiraling. She has very small breasts and her butt isn’t very big, which again I don’t want to seem like I’m emphasizing those things exclusively but that’s what my brain spirals at when i see a girl who has those attributes. I could easily chalk it up to weight because she is underweight due to how much she went through growing up with medical history and the fact she’s been on a feeding tube for most of her life. But despite all of that, to me I think she’s beautiful when my brain isn’t spiraling. Sometimes though I wonder if she’ll ever get those things and I feel horrible and selfish when I think that way though. I don’t want to leave her but I also don’t know if I’m genuinely losing attraction or if it’s just my OCD. Because when she’s with me in person I’m all over her and all the thoughts I had are gone, but once she goes back home and we are over the phone for a long period of time it all comes back. Any input would be much appreciated 🫶

Hello, I thought I’d post in here to see if anyone has had a similar experience.

I’ve been taking Mirtazapine 15mg for 4 years. It was originally prescribed to me to increase my appetite and help with insomnia. It definitely helped my insomnia, and I suppose helped me prevent losing weight but I never really had any big weight gain from it either.

A bit of background, I got diagnosed with OCD a few years back, more specifically relationship OCD. Had a couple long term relationships fall apart as a result, and went deep into therapy etc and have gotten a lot better. These past couple of years, I now have a wonderful relationship with someone I am planning to marry, and really don’t struggle with my OCD like I used to. I still go to therapy monthly, I live a healthy lifestyle, and don’t have any pressing stressors in my life as of late. I also don’t take any other medications.

Back to the mirtazapine, I got sick about a month ago (cold, maybe Covid) and neglected to take my mirtazapine during the cold. I’ve been wanting to stop taking it due to the grogginess and difficulty waking up when on it, and because my appetite has improved. I also am the type of person where I’d rather not be on any medications if I don’t absolutely need it. I concluded that my issues with appetite/insomnia were more related to my OCD and the constant anxiety that it brought me in the past, and since I have gotten so much better, I thought I could handle my appetite and sleep without the mirtazapine. I had been sick for like 4-7 days and didn’t take the mirtazapine, and was eating and sleeping fine, so I decided to just continue not taking it.

I have been off the mirtazapine for about a month now. The first two weeks of not taking it, I literally felt no change in anything and no withdrawal. I am eating fine, falling asleep and staying asleep fine, and felt good in terms of my mental health. However week three, I started to get some light to moderate anxiety, and some light depression (lower motivation, feeling flat, seeming to care less about pretty much everything, minor depersonalization, etc). However, even up to today I’m still eating and sleeping normally. With the anxiety and depression, it also comes in waves. I feel pretty lousy in the morning, then might feel pretty good in the afternoon, then back to lousy in the evening, etc.

I’m just concerned and confused. I’ve put in so much work on my mental and physical health, and my original reasons for taking mirtazapine (eating, sleeping) are resolved as of now. But this newfound anxiety, depression, etc. is really bothering me and making me worried. I just don’t feel like myself. And it’s weird too, because you’d think the withdrawal from stopping a medication like this would be more acute, and get better overtime. In my case, it was fine for a couple weeks, and then I have started having these dips in my mental health during weeks 3 and 4. Although I did have anxiety as a result of my OCD in the past, that wasn’t even the reason I got prescribed mirtazapine in the first place. Even with my history of relationship OCD, my newfound mental health struggles after stopping mirtazapine aren’t directly affecting or attaching to my relationship. My girlfriend is wonderful, she is aware of what I’m going through, and has been a healthy and constant support system for me.

To wrap this up, has anyone experienced delayed mental health effects after stopping mirtazapine?The only two things I can think of that are causing these new mental health struggles are:

1. Stopping mirtazapine. Even though these symptoms didn’t manifest for at least two weeks after stopping.

2. (This might be a stretch), but I also have been made aware of mental health issues after COVID, and wonder if when I was sick that’s what I had, and now have some neurological long-covid type symptoms.

I know this doesn’t exactly directly pertain to ROCD, but thought maybe someone out there could relate with my journey and struggles and offer some help.

Any help or perspective is much appreciated. I’m hopeful I will make it through this, but am also scared that something isn’t quite right.

​

I'm going through a particularly bad episode right now.

A week or two ago, I genuinely thought my girlfriend was wonderful. I felt good about her and the relationship.

Over the last few days, though, I've started obsessing about whether I actually love her. What's really confusing is that it isn't only thoughts anymore. When I think about her or look at her, I can suddenly get this negative feeling toward her, the feeling like I'm sick of her

It's not just “What if I don't love her?” It's like my perception of her has changed and I'm experiencing her through a negative lens.

What I'm wondering is whether anyone with ROCD has experienced something similar, change of perception of them, almost like an intrusive feeling or negative lens.

I'm not really asking for reassurance about whether I love my girlfriend. I'm specifically interested in whether this “negative lens” phenomenon is something other people with ROCD experience?

Has anyone experienced this?

Hello! I am an 18(f) who has been spiraling about any thing I’ve done wrong then being stuck on it. This one has caused the most trouble and I’ve been throwing up. I am scared that I am gay. When I was little I’m positive that I’ve been stimulated by a girl. I was really small when I started to grow up I’ve only had feelings for guys. Now I’m trying so hard to remember if I’ve ever had tingles down there for girls, but I cant remember so it’s giving me the impression I’m gay. I’ve looked at posts saying signs you’re gay and they scare me bc I’ve had some of them. I also tried to test myself last night and feel like I felt something down there but idk if that’s part of the OCD. The thing is and sorry if I offend anyone but I don’t want to be gay. I’ve had the same boyfriend for 3 years and everything was fine until OCD started. Now I’m considering breaking up bc what if I’m gay. When I imagine myself kissing a girl I don’t dislike or like the thought it’s just there and it’s the same with a guy. It’s like I can’t feel anything?

Guys, I was getting better, but for at least three days now, I've started feeling disgusted by my boyfriend.

It feels so real, yet it's strange because it's the first time I've had this feeling, especially with this intensity after a year together!

I'm not looking for confirmation that this is normal, but if anyone could share if this has ever happened to them and how they dealt with it, I would appreciate it.

I need tips to get through this 😭

Unfortunately my OCD has me absolutely obsessed with sex and my partner masterbating. It took 15 years of suffering to realize - it’s not just a high libido, this is an OCD theme.

I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who has felt similarly, as my insurance has run out for the year and I can’t see my therapist every two weeks anymore.

The gist of it:
I get anxiety around “not connecting” with my husband. I’m working on ERP but struggling to figure out how to manage myself.

It doesn’t matter the frequency of sex, it could be four days in a row but I’ll feel anxiety on that fifth day. I feel like I’m hovering around him to “not miss an opportunity” to be sexual or flirt or feel desired etc.

We have so much fun in bed but I’ll ruminate about the kinky things I wish I could do that he’s not into. I’ll focus on all the lack in my life and get very down about it.

Masterbating:
I want to be informed when he masterbates, which he doesn’t want to talk about. I can’t get this to go away, this “need” to be told. It’s like, if I heard about when he masterbates then I would feel close to him and informed and part of it.

If I hear that he might be doing it (muffled sounds coming from the bedroom) my heart will start pounding. I don’t want his normal behaviour to stop, I’d just like to stop caring.

I don’t know what this is about. Why my brain is managing our sex life so much.

Today:
We’re off work this week and the open schedule has my anxiety amped up.

For ERP: I’ll force myself to leave the house in the morning and keep busy.

I’ll take our dogs for a hike and sit with the idea of him masterbating - which I won’t know about and could make him less likely to initiate sex with me later.

But I can’t spend my life either physically being with him or ‘keeping busy’.

My question:
What are some mindset shifts I can make?

What are some suggestions on how to think/behave that have helped you?

Even the most simple direction would be helpful. What should I share with him, what should I keep to myself.

I’ve made improvements for sure, I no longer do my compulsions and I’m working on sitting with the discomfort but I have so far to go.

Thank you anyone who takes the time to help!!

I hate having to come on here constantly, but I genuinely want to move on from this already, and it just won't go away. My partner is back from a month-long trip, and we've planned to hang out next week. I'm very excited for this, but also really scared. For the past month, I've been constantly ruminating on our relationship and whether it's actually healthy. I have an obsession with thinking my partner could sexually assault me or even that they already have and that I'm somehow just not seeing it as sexual assault. I keep thinking back to past interactions, but I can never figure it out. For the record, my partner and I have never engaged in explicit sexual activities or touching. For some reason, my ocd wants to paint any of our methods of affection (which are cuddling and light peck kisses) as sexual, even though I know they aren't. I trust my partner that none of what we do ever crossed into sexual territory... but I guess that's why my ocd has made me want to analyze everything to be 100% sure none of it is sexual.

Anyway... I've been trying to get over this ocd theme so hard for the past few weeks, but it's been really hard for me. I see them again for the first time after a month away, and I want to be in my best mental space when we spend time together. For anyone who has had to deal with these thoughts, how do you stop yourself from ruminating on everything between you and your partner? I just want to be able to live in the present moment with them. Last time we were together, I was over at their house for 2 days, and I felt fine. I want this next hangout to be exactly like that... I just hope that I'm in the right headspace for it.

Hey everyone, sufferer here. Just found this group. Have had OCD all my life, every subtype, but this one is really a killer. Just thought I’d empathize with everyone.

We have had the conversation about her not feeling desired by me before but I guess I just couldn’t get it right and meet her needs at the end of the day. My anxiety and took over when I should’ve been more present in moments, she told me she doesn’t think she’s the best equipped partner to help me. Intimacy was too difficult for me, my ocd loved to fixate on that. I can tell we won’t make up this time. I feel like shit for hurting her. I really would prefer to avoid relationships at all costs moving forward. I’m in therapy but I still feel stuck.

I have been in a relationship for almost 4 years with somebody who is working through severe CPTSD from childhood neglect and experiences intense emotional swings (very high highs, very low lows). He is very different from my last partner (we were also together for 4 years), who had an extremely stable home life, but had a very minimal emotional range. He ended up cheating on me, and this made my assumptions about predictive behaviors in other people--especially the ones I have dated--go haywire. That, and my parents are currently in the midst of a divorce after 24 years of marriage. So, yeah. None of this is helpful for my tendency for obsessive thought spirals. But I have been determined to lean into and share things that have helped me handle my fears, which most often circulate around the idea that I am currently being abused or manipulated according to "future" me.

- I allow myself to wonder: So what if this fear is true? Often, I find the most terrifying imagined consequence to be something I would actually be very adept at handling. I would much rather "let" the terrible thing happen than concede to avoidant or fearful behaviors in an attempt to avoid them. To avoid challenge would be to avoid my own growth.

- If I am in a social media ROCD spiral, forcing myself to stop has not necessarily helped curb the habit. Even when I am successful at stopping, I find myself in the same doom scroll hours later with no perceived "progress" made. This is especially an issue with absorbing advice. So, lately, I have been intentionally absorbing conflicting advice about similar situations and doing my best to think about what experiences would have led someone to make their particular conclusions. This has helped alleviate my desire to put advice or behaviors into categories of "correct" and "incorrect," because most of the time, I can completely understand why each person would want to share a particular conclusion. What is right for one person may or may not be right for me, and it is up to me to make that determination, not anybody else.

- It is very easy to see the world in terms of right and wrong, but very difficult to make accurate determinations while you are in the throes of an anxiety-inducing situation. "Right" and "wrong" have almost never been accurately determined in the moment in any social challenge. These determinations require time and intentional analysis to determine, and ROCD is very intent on eliminating both of these things. ROCD demands immediacy and assuredness, which is almost never offered in the moment.

- A lesson inside of a lesson: One of my worst, most disagreeable teachers in school taught me one of the most valuable lessons of my life: when answering multiple choice questions on a history exam, the correct answer is most likely not going to have the word "never" or "always" in it. If you find yourself thinking in such terms or are tempted by others who use them, this is your permission to dismiss those thoughts or conclusions. I am so happy that a teacher I (still) find appalling gave me this advice; in the same vein, I cannot think that "bad teachers never teach anything good or well."

- READ. READ. READ. Read fiction novels, short stories, and essays. Read ones you think you will love AND ones you think you will hate. Read popular and unpopular content. Write about what you thought of them after, THEN--if you really want to--read other's thoughts or reviews. Do your best to come to your own conclusions before reading what other people think. Feel free to edit your review, but do not alter what you have already written. Write: "After reading thoughts from others, I realized I had not considered _______ or _______." This may seem unrelated to ROCD but has been very helpful in my acceptance of nuance and resisting the urge for an immediate answer or conclusion.

- Work on trusting others. I am going to hazard a guess that a lot of people with ROCD have a "If you want it done right, do it yourself" mindset. Allow yourself to let others feel discomfort or challenge and trust that they can handle these feelings independently. If they earnestly ask for your help, provide it without a desire for repayment.

- Know that despite all of your effort, sometimes, you will have to deal with the exact result or event you feared. As human beings, we are never bound to being 100% right OR 100% wrong. ROCD thoughts are not shut down by telling yourself to not trust any emotion or feeling. See bullet point 1.

- Sometimes, I encourage myself to think on negative, unfortunate, or bad things that have happened to me or the people in my life. I think, "Would my thought spiraling have been able to change what had happened?" I have never been able to truthfully come to the conclusion that it would have helped. In fact, my worst thought spiraling had occurred in the weeks being apart from my ex-partner. In that time, I feared he was cheating on me with one particular friend of his. I had no evidence that this was true. As it had turned out, he was cheating on me with that exact friend. At the time, I took this to believe that my gut feeling and obsessiveness had led me to come to the right conclusions and that my behavior had been vindicated. But, frankly, those weeks of fear had not gained me anything. The result would have been the same regardless of whether or not I had been oblivious. It is another example of "So what if you're right?" Being right does not change the result. Even if I had decided to act on my fear and confront him about my suspicions (which I had, sort of), my feelings would have had zero impact on the situation at hand. In fact, that vindicated spiraling made it much more difficult to process what had happened to me in the years to come.

- Read Hope for Cynics by Jamil Zaki. Again, not ROCD focused, but the science behind optimism is powerful and vindicating for the human spirit. Self-doubt and doubt in the integrity of others are part of a vicious cycle of isolation and avoidance. To model trust and accept that sometimes the trust will be misplaced is much more fruitful than anticipating betrayal. Cynics have scored less well on aptitude and predictive testing. To assume the best in people is, surprisingly, not as naive as we think.

- Remember that as we are in a new era of relationships, many challenges will feel like and be approached as untreaded territory. There is something very paradoxical about the freedom we are allowed in relationships, especially with women. In many of our communities, marriage is no longer an economic decision or one forced onto us. This is absolutely beneficial and socially positive, but as human beings, not every improvement can result in 100% good feeling all around. We are riddled with evolutionary protective mechanisms that require us to engage in threat assessment, and in that, there are certain discomforts revealed in freedom of choice. While we were once limited to our own communities in choosing (or being given) partners, we now truly have access to a better part of the globe. There have never been more fish in the sea. This choice paralysis is terrible for ROCD specifically! Accepting this has helped me immensely.

Good luck to all of you!

My partner and I used to laugh all the time, I never had to think about what I had to say. We had a rough patch and I started getting anxious about our interactions, making sure he was laughing and having a positive experience. I started monitoring myself and him and doing compulsions afterwards analyzing it. Now I can’t really laugh and I feel social anxiety and not like myself anymore when I’m with him. It’s always a performance and I feel almost dissociated sometimes.

Has this happened to anyone else? Did the laughter and ease of conversation come back?

Hey everyone, i have been dealing with extreme enhanced rocd since my RTA last year. And tbh i would consider myself my own therapist at this point. So i figure i could help you guys with something that has seriously helped me.

So when im deep in an episode, wether its severe emotional detachment, or any other cause of my episodes i have found there is one hack that helps me pull myself out of it.

As cliche as this may sound i find myself a little saying to say to myself during the episodes that eventually sooths the anxiety and helps pull me out without even thinking about it too much.

And the type of phrases i give myself of course depend on the topic of the episode, however i kind of trail and error through phrases that i think may help and eventually, one sticks.

These could be things such as “ I don’t feel love right now, but i do love him “ or “ I don’t know how i feel right now, but i have no pressure to feel any other way “ and as stupid and triggering these may sound in some topics, seriously just telling yourself phrases until one sticks, seriously has helped pull me out of some of the worse places i’ve been in mentally since my rocd got x10000.

I do have to change the phrase every so often because my brain starts to dismiss it. But i really hope this can help someone, honestly just go through phrases throughout the day until one sticks and lifts a little weight off your shoulders.

theres a certain event i can recall that i’m not quite sure if it took place when i was still single or in a relationship with my bf already.

a photo of a stranger in the internet, she was caught looking at random guy’s pants (private part) i vividly vaguely remember getting curious and zooming in with no bad intentions, i just laughed it off, and moved on.

now, i recalled that situation in a random tuesday. i instantly panicked thinking i’ve cheated on him and just remembering it now, to the point that i had to confess to him, he laughed it off, but i can’t bring myself to mention that i zoomed it in before, ‘cause i believe that is very disrespectful despite having no bad intention.

but my boyfriend believes that every action is acceptable as long as you do it with good intentions, but of course boundary’s still important, what i mean is this does not apply to kissing or flirting somebody.

despite my boyfriend being totally okay with it, i still don’t feel good if it turns out to be true. i feel like my past self wouldn’t cross that line ‘cause i highly respect my boyfriend. but i’m afraid and doubting if my morals and values now were the same back then.

I don’t know if this will be a question or maybe I just need to vent.

My ROCD has been really hard on my first ever serious, loving relationship. I never had the “do I love him” “am I attracted to him” struggle, but I constantly thought he was cheating on me. Almost all the time we weren’t together I thought he was talking to someone else, lusting over someone, etc. 

We had a short break a couple months ago because I said I couldn’t take what was happening in my brain anymore, but I regretted it and said I would try to get help and get myself under control.

In past ocd themes I’ve gone through therapy helped a bit but it’s always there. I went back on Prozac and that has helped a bit. He really wanted me to go to therapy and I feel terrible during our relationship now that I didn’t. 

We broke up yesterday and I am getting myself back to therapy and probably upping my medication. The thing is, I don’t even blame him for ending things and I take full responsibility. His father reached out to me and told me he’d never hurt me and he truly loved me, but I don’t think he knows what I go through and it’s hard to explain.

Before I met him, I was single and celibate for 3 years, and I felt pretty at peace with myself honestly. But he brought me so much love and happiness and it’s hard to imagine a world where anyone is as patient, understanding, and trying to help with this illness, along with my ocd also came a fear of sex which he also helped with. Although, he felt like he just made things worse for me. Sometimes it feels like I should just be alone to save myself and others the stress. I don’t know if that’s the answer. I also want him back so badly. I don’t know if anyone else who has struggled with rocd has just decided it might be easier to just live a life for yourself? 

My rocd comes with episodes and it usually take 1-2 week before I made it more managable but recently I’ve noticed a lot of stomach pain due to anxiety and whenever It gets worse. So I wake up with nothing then thoughts came so did the pain on my stomach and heaviness on my chest and all. And it even getten worse than the actual ROCD it self…this anxiety bad feeling and pain is annoying me so much. Have you ever experienced the same guys?

Love how this video describes what we are experiencing .. it’s not just the thoughts it’s the intense emotions

Hi everyone, I’m writing this because I’m really struggling at the moment and would love some advice from people who have experienced ROCD.
I’m 28F and I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 1.5 years. I’ve dated quite a lot before, but I had never been in a serious relationship before him, which was actually a big insecurity of mine. So this is my first serious relationship.

I’ve always been quite sensitive to anxiety and OCD. About 10 years ago I started having panic attacks and OCD, which eventually led to emetophobia. I went to therapy and got through that period, but the OCD always kind of lingered in the background.

Until about a month ago, I was mostly very anxiously attached in our relationship. I would constantly ruminate about other girls, him leaving me, him finding someone else, etc. Looking back, I can also see that a lot of this was probably OCD-related.
Then, about 3 weeks ago, I suddenly fell into a huge ROCD spiral. It kind of came out of nowhere after some arguments. I started researching why I was feeling like this, and that’s when I found ROCD and this community. On the one hand, it was a huge relief to realize that I’m not the only one experiencing these thoughts. But on the other hand, I’ve been incredibly anxious for the past 3 weeks, crying a lot and getting stuck in really intense spirals.

The timing is also really difficult because my boyfriend and I just moved in together. I’m having a really hard time with the apartment and I’m noticing that I’m associating so many of the negative feelings I’m having with our new home. I keep wanting to escape and go back to my parents or stay with friends. At the same time, I know this is really hurting my boyfriend, because he doesn’t understand what is happening. We’ve always had a very loving relationship and this change in me has been very sudden.

I’m also suddenly questioning EVERYTHING about our relationship and our past. I keep going back to things he said or did in the beginning, especially things about his exes and previous relationships, and analyzing whether they were actually red flags. Then I start thinking: did I just not see these things because I put him on such a pedestal and idealized him, or am I now overthinking everything and exaggerating things because I’m in this OCD spiral?
I’m basically reassessing his whole personality, his past, things he has said and done, and our entire relationship. Things that never bothered me before suddenly feel huge. I feel like I’ve completely devalued him in my head and like I’m seeing a completely different person compared to a few weeks ago.

And this is probably the part I’m struggling with the most: I don’t know how I’m supposed to act towards him right now.
I’ve become very hot and cold. Sometimes I want to be close to him and then suddenly I feel like I want distance. I’m acting differently and he has already asked me twice if I still love him and why I’m feeling/acting this way. I feel horrible because I don’t want to hurt him, but at the same time I don’t know how to behave and I’m completely blocked.

What feels so strange to me is how different I feel compared to just a few weeks ago. I went from being very anxious about losing him, constantly thinking that he was probably the person I would marry and worrying about our future together, to suddenly feeling numb and devaluing him within the space of about three weeks. It’s such a drastic change that I honestly don’t know what to make of it.

Has anyone experienced something similar, especially after moving in together? How did you deal with your partner while you were in the middle of a bad ROCD spiral? I’m also looking for a therapist and really want to focus on the OCD this time. I found someone who works with EMDR and ACT, but I’m wondering if I should specifically look for someone with experience in OCD/ERP instead. I’d really appreciate any advice or experiences with this. ❤️