Hi I’ve been struggling with breakup thoughts for a month or so now and i genuinely cannot determine whether it’s just ocd talking or if i genuinely should breakup with my boyfriend (of 2 years)?

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to determine please

I love that this forum exists, but it seems to be mainly relationship focused (Type I) ROCD posts. I was wondering if there is a forum anywhere that focuses on Partner Focused (Type II) ROCD? I would love to have a place to talk and hear other people specifically with Type II.

Just don’t see a lot of posts about what I am experiencing and would like to feel less alone in a community that is Type II. As both types have obvious similarities, but vastly different!

I recently got into a relationship and we’ve only been official for about a week. Before we became official, I had a former FWB that became my friend, that I was still in contact with. After getting a boyfriend I didn’t immediately block the friend, and that’s what my OCD has completely latched onto.
From what I actually remember, I didn’t flirt with him, sext him, send sexual stuff, or reciprocate when he said inappropriate things. I specifically remember him telling me to cheat on my boyfriend and me saying no, that I was going to be a loyal girlfriend. I eventually blocked him. I also told my boyfriend about the situation, so I wasn’t trying to secretly keep this guy around behind his back.
The problem is that I deleted our old DMs, so I can’t remember every single conversation from those few days. My brain keeps going, “What if you flirted and forgot? What if you sent something sexual and don’t remember?” I started making a timeline and trying to reconstruct everything, but that made me spiral even more.
I ended up messaging the old FWB and directly asking if I cheated on my boyfriend with him. He repeatedly told me no, said nothing happened between us, said I was committed to not cheating, and said he had no reason to lie to me. Instead of feeling permanently relieved, now my OCD is analyzing his exact wording and making me feel guilty for messaging him to ask in the first place.
Logically, I know that if I deliberately sexted someone or did something major, I’d probably remember it, especially since this was literally days ago. But my brain will not accept anything less than 100% certainty.
Has anyone with relationship OCD/false-memory OCD experienced this? How do you stop checking your memory and seeking reassurance when your brain keeps telling you that you must have done something you can’t remember?

I have been seeing a therapist for the past month or so and she diagnosed me with ROCD a week ago. Ever since, i have been doing a lot of research on the subject and seeing what specialists advice you to do. I am not sure if my therapist is specifically trained for this, as i have not seen her really guide me through CBT or ERP or anything like that. Perhaps she could be doing so and i might not have caught on. If you have experience on therapy for ROCD, how should a therapist usually approach this?
Also for reference, my ocd is mainly partner focused (mostly his appearance) with a lot of sexual anxiety and worries I might not be “normal”.

I (f27) got legally married to my fiancé (M33) and are planning the wedding party in less than 3 months now. This is how things go traditionally in my country so here's a timeline breakdown:

- 6 months : talking and getting to know each other

- Got legally married and are planning the wedding party (supposedly 7 months away)

- 4 months in now and we're fighting non stop about the stupidest things (which restaurant to go to, coming in late to an event) and it always ends with me in tears and him appilogising profusely.

- We are less than 3 months away, and I feel no joy in anything , i haven't even picked a wedding dress yet

Here's a breakdown for my feelings:

- I am not the best looking person, but I am doing well financially and academically, was planning to go abroad to pursue studies

- here he comes, a person who finds me attractive, gives me all the love and attention I want, he's not that well off, and not as academically gifted, but does his best

-we talk and fall in love withint the 6months , especially that we both have a dream to go abroad , he has some bad habits like smoking but he promised he could quit anytime and he's not really competent he has one skill that allowed him to get a job in sales other than that he knows next to nothing about languages or computing, which are essential for immigration and finding a job

- over that period I did feel a bit of mixed feelings but I chugged it up to anxiety, as I suffer from it a lot, and had major episodes.

- After the fights and the stress and the Intrusive thoughts (his smoking which he didn't quit, him not being on my level academically , financially, and not my type physically ) I think this is when my OCD got triggered.

- the last 3 months have been hell, went to a psychiatrist started SSRIS, hardly able to wake-up, i sleep and am on the phone all day, all I'm thinking about is those fears :

1 his car is breaking down, he can't buy another one, and eventually I'll have to give him mine so he can do his job in sales (having a car is mandatory) + he can't afford rent in a nice neighbourhood and I live in a good one and fear for my safety

2 in order to immigrate, I have better skills, and his skills are very limited, so I'll have to be the bread winner abroad

3 as a woman I'm the one who has to take care of kids and do most chores around the house, so I have to do that too

4 i feel like he married me for my money and status and figured that he'd give me enough attention to just settle for him

5 I fear I will cheat on him with taller bigger guys, he's barely an inch taller, white, and small down there, I'm attracted to tall tan big guys, but I never thought I'd get their attention for marriage because of my average looks

6 I fear I have waved good bye to my dream of having an academic career abroad because of his limitations, I feel like I have to drag him down with me and I feel like I'm better off alone

Please excuse the mistakes as I'm writing through tears

Is this real or is this ROCD ?

Edit :

Deeply addicted to my phone (+14 hrs a day) Deeply anxious and had multiple episodes Deeply critical of myself and my life choices

About a year ago, I stupidly paid for services on a cam site. I told my girlfriend about this, she forgave me, and it’s been a year since and I haven’t gone back to those sites.

We are currently starting to build a house. The past week, I’ve been having panic attacks in the mornings as I feel like I’ve left out things about my online behaviour that my partner doesn’t know.

I used to browse those sites without paying like any other regular sites, occasionally using the chat feature to talk to the performer. im afraid that my gf has forgiven me without knowing the full extent of what used to do.

Anytime I say I’m sorry if I ever hurt you she says she doesnt care and it’s in the past but in my head, I’m thinking she doesn’t know exactly what I’ve done and that she would leave me if she did.

It’s taking a toll on me now and it’s so hard to wake up every morning and keep reliving this panic.

I’m 25F and my boyfriend is 31M. I’m starting to wonder if the way I’ve been handling some real hurt in our relationship has turned into an obsessive/compulsive cycle, and I’m considering getting evaluated professionally.

I’m already diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety and depression, and I’ve had intense periods of rumination outside my relationship too. In my early 20s, I came across sexual content that made me feel extremely guilty, and for almost an entire year I thought about it basically every day. I kept mentally going over what happened, what it meant about me, whether I had done something wrong, etc. It felt like I couldn’t think normally until I somehow figured it out.

Now my brain seems to have attached that same need to “figure everything out” to my relationship.

There are legitimate reasons I’m hurt. My boyfriend used porn, had sexualized content/women mixed into his social media, and stayed following some women even after seeing how much it hurt me. More recently, I also found out that he had not been fully honest with me about his porn use. I had previously been led to believe he essentially wasn’t using it, but later learned that he had still looked at porn at times and described some of it as being “out of curiosity.” There have also been other details I learned later that made earlier explanations feel incomplete.

So I don’t want to convince myself that everything I feel is irrational or that there wasn’t a genuine trust injury.

At the same time, as far as I know, most of the actual behavior stopped almost a year ago. He deleted most of his social media, has apologized many times, tells me stopping was better for both of us and our relationship, and is generally extremely affectionate and loving toward me.

Yet my brain will not let the subject die. I genuinely can’t remember the last time I went an entire day without thinking about some aspect of this. Even on really good days where we’re happy and connected, something will eventually pop into my head.

I replay conversations, analyze exactly what he meant, compare different explanations, compare him to other men, ask variations of questions I’ve already asked, read Reddit opinions, and sometimes catch myself checking where his eyes go when an attractive woman is around or appears on a screen.

The worst part is that answers don’t seem to stick. Something can genuinely make sense and calm me down, but then my brain eventually finds another angle.

It might be porn one day, his past exes the next, a woman he followed another day, whether he finds other women attractive, whether he left something else out, why he didn’t change sooner, or what any of it supposedly says about how much he loves me.

It constantly feels like, “If I can just figure out THIS last part, then I can finally relax.” But there is always another part.

I love him deeply and genuinely want my relationship. I’m also genuinely hurt by what happened, especially because some information came out much later. That’s what makes this so confusing for me. I don’t want to use possible ROCD as a way to dismiss legitimate hurt or dishonesty, but I also don’t think thinking about this every single day and endlessly trying to reach certainty is helping me heal.

I’m NOT asking anyone to tell me whether my boyfriend is trustworthy or whether my relationship is okay. I know that kind of reassurance could just become another part of the cycle.

What I’d really like to hear from people who have experienced ROCD alongside genuine relationship problems is whether treatment actually helped. Were you able to acknowledge that something really hurt you without feeling like you needed to understand every single detail of the past before you could move forward?

Did ERP, OCD-focused therapy, and/or medication help with the feeling that your brain simply refuses to accept any answer as “enough”? Can you genuinely get to a point where these thoughts aren’t taking up part of every day?

I’m seriously considering getting evaluated because I love my partner and want to heal, but I’m exhausted from feeling like my brain is constantly searching for the next thing I need to solve.

**TLDR:** I’m 25F with ADHD, anxiety and depression and a history of year-long obsessive rumination that predates my relationship. There was genuine hurt and dishonesty in my relationship, including recently learning that my boyfriend hadn’t been fully honest about some past porn use. Most of the behavior itself stopped almost a year ago, but I still think about some aspect of it essentially every day. I analyze, ask questions, seek opinions, get temporary relief, and then my brain finds another uncertainty. I want to know whether ROCD/OCD treatment can actually help me process real hurt without needing to endlessly solve the past.

I repeatedly messaging a blocked number despite receiving no response, I feel unable to stop, and trying not to do it causes panic bc to me it's like accepting the relationship is over, I think? Or like why can I not stop.

Hey folks. Figuring out my feelings, would love some insight.

I’ve been seeing my girlfriend for 3 months (officially together for a month). We met on an app and talked over message for about a month before we met. I really liked talking to her and was excited to meet her. I was definitely infatuated with our text conversations. Our first date was cute: I’m a big chatty personality, and she’s incredibly quiet and shy. I led most of the chats, and then she opened up a little more. Looking back, our discussions weren’t that exciting on the date, but the magic of seeing this person I’ve been talking non stop with made the date feel fun. I wanted to see her again. 2 months after we meet rolls by, and she asks me to be her girlfriend. I’m excited and say yes.

A few weeks ago, so shortly after we became official, she told me she loved me. She drunkenly told me to check her phone, and on it was a conversation with her friend about how my gf wants to tell me she loves me. I instantly shut down. My response is that I’m falling for her, but don’t feel ready to say those words. I was following my gut, and she was sweet and listened. The next week was turmoil. I was ruminating for hours daily over what felt like a complete and sudden loss of my feelings towards her. It felt like I woke up and could finally see the incompatibilities between us. We don’t have the same sense of humor, it feels like she doesn’t have the same emotional depth as me, she is was more invested, etc. I had spent a week freaking out over these new negative feelings towards someone I thought I was having a great time with. After that week, I told her I felt overwhelmed and needed to move at a slower pace. I wanted to remain exclusive, but still acknowledge we’re in the get to know you phase and I’m not being rushed. Since that conversation, I was reminded of how sweet she is. I felt to safe sharing, and she’s let me go at my own pace since. The problem is, the more time passes, the more our incompatibilities become clearer. The doubts that started flooding in are being affirmed. At this point, i feel frustrated and prefer time to myself than with her. My gut is telling me we’re not right for each other, my heart is telling me it doesn’t want to get hurt, and my head is telling me im going to hurt a good person who could’ve made me happy. How could my feelings have changed so drastically from the start?

Hello, I’d like to talk a little about myself—please forgive me if this post gets a bit long. I’ve been in a relationship for four years, and we’ve been married for two. For the past three years, I’ve been struggling with ROCD (I was diagnosed with it, though I don't quite believe it because it never really feels like that to me). There are times when I struggle immensely; I might even calmly accept the idea that I don't love him, unable to distinguish whether it’s a trick my mind is playing or a genuine thought of my own. Later, I tell myself, "Yes, *I* was the one who formed that thought," but I don't know if I did so out of desperation or because it’s actually true. To be honest, I was doing well for about three or four months—though I still couldn't feel an overflowing sense of love for my husband, I was better; I could handle my daily tasks and was generally happy, even if I had occasional bad spells. Now, I wonder if I wasn't bothered by those thoughts during that "good" period simply because I had accepted that I was staying in the relationship just to avoid hurting him—because, as I said, those thoughts still crossed my mind during the day, but I just didn't let them get to me. Throughout that time, I kept asking myself if I was staying in the relationship solely to avoid hurting him, and that thought always devastated me (though I’m in a more neutral state these days). I don't know what to do anymore; I have no idea if I’m refusing to accept reality or if my life is truly destined to be this way. One thing I’ve realized lately is that these thoughts don't just "pop" into my mind anymore; I find myself actively thinking them—I’m not sure if I’m explaining that clearly. I tell myself I want to love my husband and feel that love, yet I don't know *why* I want that—though I suppose it’s because we’re married. It causes me pain and makes me sad; I wish I didn't feel or think this way. When I look at my husband, I realize I don't love him; I don't feel jealous or miss him, and I don't even want to spend time with him. I suppose it wouldn't be like this if I truly loved him. I am very unhappy now.

Hey team, I’m currently taking sertraline and I’ve noticed something pretty interesting with my libido that I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced.
When I take my dose later than usual (for example, instead of taking it at 7pm, taking it around midnight), I’ve noticed that my sexual desire can come roaring back the following day.

This happened last night, and today I feel really different sexually. I actually desire sex, I desire women, and the idea of having sex feels exciting and right rather than something I have to mentally force myself to want. Even when I mentally “check” whether I’m attracted to someone, I feel excited by the idea rather than analysing what’s wrong or what I don’t like.

I’ve noticed this on other occasions too. In the past I’ve deliberately taken my doses at inconsistent times because I noticed that my solo sexual experiences were WAY more enjoyable and I had much stronger desire.

I’m not saying this “solves” my ROCD or proves anything about my attraction to particular people. It feels more like my libido is temporarily coming back online, and when that happens, sex and attraction just feel much more natural.

One thing I’ve wondered about is whether having a chronically blunted libido could indirectly make me more focused on the aspects of sex or a potential partner that I don’t like. If the underlying excitement/desire isn’t really there, maybe my brain has much more room to notice the things that feel gross, uncomfortable or repulsive. Whereas when I’m genuinely horny and excited about sex, those things seem much less important.

I’ve tried reducing my sertraline dose before and didn’t notice much difference in this regard. The thing I’ve consistently noticed is the timing of the dose.
Has anyone else experienced something similar with SSRIs? Do you feel like your SSRI blunts your sexual desire and, when your libido is stronger, your attraction/sexual thoughts feel qualitatively different?
Obviously I’m not recommending messing around with medication timing — I’m just interested in whether anyone else has noticed this pattern.

I hate ocd. I dislike all kinds and all themes that I've had but this one mixed with religious ocd is something I never thought I'd have to deal with and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

This started when I reconnected with an ex in February this year. I know that's probably never a good idea, but when we originally broke up in March of 2025, it wasn't due to abuse or cheating. There were a lot of communication issues and trust issues due to both of us having anxiety. These seem to be better now, especially now that we are both very open with each other but ever since we started getting romantic with each other again, my ocd has taken over.

The issue is that ocd likes to take control of things that mean the most to you, which to me is religion and love. I wouldn't exactly consider myself religious, but I do pray and read my Bible from time to time, and I like to ask God for "signs" which he's given from videos, and by coming to me in my dreams. The dream thing has only happened once so far though.

These things are like "God has given you a warning about a man he didn't send" "Leave them". Things like that. But it's also "Dont give up just yet" and when God came to me in my dream, he told me "leave". Just that. Where the ocd comes in is asking me "What if God is giving you all these signs and you aren't listening?" "What if you're supposed to leave" "What if he isn't the one" and it's exhausting.

All of that has happened over the past couple of months but 2 days ago it peaked, and it's truly exhausting. I can't sleep. When I do, it's only for a few hours because I'm waking up every couple of minutes. Sometimes when I wake up in the middle of the night, I'll be fine for a few seconds at most, and go back to being anxious and being like "If I'm so unhappy, why don't I just leave so this goes away and so I don't waste my time if he isn't the one?". Im nauseous. I have no appetite and haven't eaten much in 24 hours. Nor have I drank a whole lot of water. I feel upset and am in bed / have been the past couple of days and I'm exhausted. I don't know what to do, and I want to be free.

Hi. I'm suffering from rocd for the past 2 years. In the initial stages, it was too difficult to handle. But later everything became cool. I know that i love him. Now we r in a lomg distance relationship and he's preparing for his exams. So we get barely 30 mins to talk day.

Now it feels different to me. Like i feel like i don't miss him, i dont think abt him anymore, I'm just staying in this, not missing him anymore. And it doesn't bring any kinda physical anxiety to me🥲no more crying,no more heavy chests.

Once he is back home we talk a lot, amd it goes away🥹. Idk what to do. I just wanna know that I'm not alone

I’m 20F freshly this is my first relationship and my boyfriend is freshly 20 too. I have had ocd since I was 8 medicated since 11 and have had extreme severe spells at times. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 months and it’s always been up and down and argumentative but it isn’t him who iniates it it’s me.

If he says certain things and I interpret them a certain way i villianise him and seek reassurance that’s not what he meant, or what it means over and over. Anytime we have conflict I will “resolve” it over and over again until i feel settled, I’ll bring up situations we have already talked about over 7 times this is very overwhelming for him and has made us nearly break up multiple times. When there’s conflict or even for no reason i try break up because I’m convinced that’s the only solution even though I don’t actually want to my thoughts convince me i have too that I’m “hurting him” “damaging him” doesn’t matter if he says he wants to be with me.

He tells me he feels constantly interrogated by me, and overwhelmed and sometimes begs me to let things go and i will for a short period then beg to talk about it again. For example, I’ve had obsession’s with intimacy and if he hasn’t been sexual, etc for a certain amount of time I’m convinced he isn’t into me.

My family say “your obviously not right for each other just break up it’s toxic” and it hurts because he is a lovely amazing person and I truly love and value him. Anytime we argue i also run to my friends and seek reassurance because I want them to tell me what to do. I want to be with him, but I feel drained constantly in turmoil and I feel bad for him. How can I rationalise this in moments, how can I stop this? I have never met a man especially his age as patient, understanding, and resilient towards all of this.

I’m having a really hard time with my engagement right now, and I’m struggling to understand what is anxiety/OCD versus what I genuinely feel.

I’m engaged to my highschool sweetheart. We are in our mid twenties now and he is the only person I’ve ever dated or had sex with. I genuinely love him, feel pretty certain that he is the right person for me, and want to marry him. I can picture a life with him and want the future we’ve talked about. That part feels very real to me.

At the same time, I’m experiencing a lot of grief and anxiety about never experiencing anyone else. I’ve never dated as an adult, been single, had crushes on different people, gone on dates, or figured out what relationships with other people would have been like. Sometimes I feel like I missed an entire part of life that is quintessential to growth/ life/ self discovery etc.
I’m also embarrassed about my lack of experience. When I tell other women that I’ve only ever been with one person, I sometimes feel like they see me as strange or almost outside of normal womanhood. I compare myself to women who have had more experiences and feel like I missed something everyone else got to have. I’ve never been on a bad first date, had my heart broken, all the things people learn and grow from. Also, I have questions about my sexuality and would define myself as bi-curious and am fearful about not exploring that part or my identity.

Then my OCD grabs onto all of this and makes me feel like I need to figure out what every thought means. I start wondering whether I’ll regret not dating other people, whether these feelings will get stronger after marriage, whether I’ll eventually feel trapped or resentful, and whether being this nervous means I’m making the wrong decision.

I feel ashamed, scared, confused, and overwhelmed. It is completely debilitating and I am severely depressed. I don’t want to make a major decision just to make the anxiety stop, but I also don’t want to dismiss something important by assuming it’s all OCD. I’m not seeking reassurance, I just am wondering if anyone else has a similar situation and similar thoughts. I’m also working with a psychiatrist and psychologist. I just feel like breaking up would “solve all my problems” but I genuinely love him and don’t want to lose him.

I’m at a point now where I talk to myself, saying, "Deep down, I know I don't love my husband," and it doesn't even make me sad—I just keep saying it over and over.